Fic: Won't Get Fooled Again (2b/7)
Title: Won't Get Fooled Again
Author(s): safiyabat
Artist: evian-fork
Beta: tumblr user parvasilvi
Characters & Pairing(s): Sam/Cas, brief Sam x Ruby
Rating: M (this chapter R)
Word Count: 52,595
Warning(s): Graphic violence, sexual content, mentions of noncon, suicidal tendencies, depression
Summary: Sam, Cas and Ruby make some new friends. Sam meets with a friend of Castiel's.
Previous chapter
Alabama had little to offer in terms of demons - one lousy acheri, barely enough to even get worried about except it had latched onto an elementary school and was spending its time biting fourth graders’ heels like it was a thing. Even Ruby had nothing to offer about that, only that sometimes even demons were stupid. Sam didn’t need a devil’s trap to exorcise that one, and with Castiel’s help he didn’t find the headache to be terribly challenging either. It was there, sure, but it wasn’t debilitating or anything.
Zille put them onto another patch of demons near Hattiesburg, Mississippi. They’d settled into a rhythm by the end of a week. If you’d told Sam two months ago that his life would consist of traveling the Deep South with an angel and a demon hunting other demons, and that said angel and demon would spend at least half of their time mother-henning him until he wanted to scream, he’d have tried to get you professional help. As it was this seemed to be how his life was playing out now. And his abilities - they were developing at a pace that he would never have thought possible. He made a point of training with them every day, even if they didn’t fight a demon. After all, it wasn’t just demons that he could be useful against. He exorcised a possessing ghost in Yazoo City by just changing the way he gripped the entity holding on, sending the spirit along to whatever afterlife awaited it and rescuing the victim from the shotgun Ruby thought was a more expedient solution. With a little bit of practice he found that his ability to read supernatural energies applied to human energies too, if he wanted to. It seemed like a terrible breach of privacy to do so, but he could wrap his head around the morality of it after he’d saved Dean. For now he needed to focus on the task at hand and use every possible advantage that his cursed body offered. Besides, breach of privacy or no it came in very handy in Crossett, Arkansas, when he found the telltale stain of a black magician’s soul that led them to a reasonably powerful demon. He managed to exorcise that demon with only a minor nosebleed; a few weeks ago he’d have been useless for days.
His ability to see things had its good points and its bad points of course. On the one hand they could avoid things like haunted hotels and random water spirits and crap like that, and it wasn’t like Sam couldn’t just see who was possessed if he wanted to. On the other hand, it got to a point pretty quickly where he had to remember not to see things like ghosts and true forms and auras and that could be pretty awkward when he was dealing with a “friendly” demon or when he dodged out of the way of a wing that didn’t exist on this plane.
The dynamic between the three of them had its awkwardness at first. None of them entirely trusted the others. Ruby had the most to distrust of course, since Sam had actually physically harmed her without meaning to on the say-so of a complete stranger who then curtailed her free will. Of course, she had been a spy in Lilith’s service so Sam’s sympathy was tempered to say the least. Castiel seemed to be constantly working to a timetable that he couldn’t share with either of his companions, and Sam would have been foolish to think that the angel was about to fully trust a demon or someone that demons addressed by a semi-royal title. Which kept happening, no matter how Sam felt about it. And as for Sam’s part, he found himself in the constant company of someone who had been selling him out to Lilith for weeks and a guy who made no secret of having motivations that he wouldn’t share with a mere subhuman. That didn’t exactly fill him with confidence.
Not that Castiel ever said that, or anything like it. No, Cas was never anything but gentle and respectful toward him. The guy was blunt, there was no question about that, but angels didn’t really do emotion so that probably had a lot to do with it. Angels probably didn’t worry much about the effect of their words on one another’s feelings.You didn’t really consider the effect of your words on someone else’s feelings if the other person didn’t have feelings to be hurt in the first place. Still, he did what was probably his best to encourage Sam to let go of his guilt about his blood, about his abilities. He tried to encourage him to embrace who and what he was, since it was the only thing that would help Dean. And while Sam would have expected that the last thing that an angel would want to do would be to have to come into physical contact with a grotesque, tainted, cambion creature as he was, Castie seemed to go out of his way to be in contact with Sam in some way whenever he possibly could.
Sam asked him about that once, as they tracked a handful of Lilith partisans around Delta National Forest. “You are troubled,” the angel replied after a moment’s thought. “Humans who are troubled often wish physical contact as a form of comfort. Your abilities trouble you, your grief troubles you, Ruby’s betrayal troubles you. The future troubles you. I wish to comfort you.”
“But why?” Sam pressed. Ruby was out scouting ahead and it was just the two of them in camp, not that they needed a camp. Or rather, not that they would have needed a camp if it weren’t for his human frailty. “I mean, it doesn’t matter if I’m a little stressed. I can still get the job done.”
“Is it so much to believe that I could wish to see you untroubled, Sam? You have a tremendous burden on your shoulders. Is it so unusual that someone would want to support you in other ways?” He stood close, a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Is it uncomfortable to you?”
“No. Not really. It’s just unusual, that’s all.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Cas.”
They caught up to the demons. As it turned out there were more than they expected. Castiel was forced to smite two of the six. Sam exorcised three, while Ruby stabbed one. Sam hadn’t exorcised three in one go before - not without devil’s traps, anyway. He found that while the effort tired him out it didn’t leave him with that much of a headache at all. “It is well,” the angel told them both. “When we harrow Hell you will not have time for illness, nor for rest.”
Sam swallowed. “When will that be?”
“Not yet. You aren’t ready yet. You’re getting there, but you’re not strong enough. We have work to do yet.”
Sam started pushing them harder. He needed more hunts, more demons. They could join the team or they could go back to Hell. Most chose exorcism of course, because who was really going to follow a part-human who was still learning to use his ability who had nothing to his name but a car, a traitorous demon mentor and a strange creature at his back that none of them could really identify? By the time that most of them saw him in action they had either made their choice and stood by it - some demons could be loyal after all, who knew? - or it was too late. He set up a punishing schedule of training too, working with both Ruby and Cas to spend as much time developing his brain as his body would allow. His body too - that couldn’t be neglected. He’d never really neglected it before, but now he put it through a regimen that would have made his father sit back and take notice. Ruby didn’t entirely approve, although she had to admit that she liked the visual aspect of the results. “You need to loosen up a little Sam,” she urged. “Live a little. See a movie. Get a beer. Get laid - I know you don’t want me anymore and I get it, I do. But for crying out loud, try to think about something besides this job. You’re going to turn into something worse than your father.”
“Ruby, every minute that I waste is time that Dean’s suffering in Hell. Don’t you wish that someone had done that for you before you became a demon?” he pointed out.
She sighed and grabbed beers from the fridge. It said a lot about how well Castiel had wormed his way into their lives in the two months that they’d known him, and about how well he’d adapted to passing as human, that she’d grabbed three beers and he hadn’t thought twice about accepting one. “Well, I mean sure, it would have been nice. I mean, I didn’t have Heaven looking out for me. Not like Dean does. And I didn’t have an awesome brother working to get me out. But you’re literally turning yourself into something… not-alive.”
Both Sam and Cas froze. “Sam’s abilities don’t make him a monster,” the angel frowned, his beer halfway to his lips.
“That’s not what I’m saying. Even a monster is alive. It has needs, urges. I mean, one of us has to force you to eat or sleep, and I honestly think that we could put a giant plate of dogshit in front of you and you’d probably get as much out of it as you do from the actual food you eat. How long has it been since you’ve actually looked at a girl? Or a guy?” She offered a wry grin. “Yeah. I knew. Plenty of us knew. I mean for crying out loud, we sent a male crossroads demon.”
He snorted. “Yeah, well, if my brother hadn’t just died I’d have thought about it. And, you know, if he wasn’t possessed. He was kind of hot.”
“You go for the dark-haired types, don’t you?”
He shrugged, trying not to look at Cas as the angel turned his gaze to him. “Look, it’s been a long time since… I mean, before Dean’s deal. Before Cold Oak. Since I really thought about it. It’s not important. It might be something to think about after we save Dean, I don’t know, but until then it doesn’t matter.”
“You are a person, Sam,” Cas told him, putting a hand on his arm. “You are not a weapon. You have more worth than that, and you mustn’t reduce yourself to a weapon. A weapon exists to be used, and you don’t know who will want to use you if you succeed in that quest.”
Both Sam and Ruby raised an eyebrow at that. “You mean like Heaven wanting Dean pulled out of Hell for its own reasons?” the latter challenged while Sam took a sip of his beer. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. Once I got over you taking my choice away from me and marking me for all time as a traitor against my own kind, I’m kind of glad to be working against Lilith. I’ve always had a thing for tall antichrists. But yeah. You’re not exactly here because of your deep abiding love for Sam yourself.”
Castiel shifted. “I did not know Sam when I arrived. My orders are my orders,” he admitted. “They happen to have come to coincide with my personal preferences. I don’t know Dean, but Sam loves his brother and believes that he deserves to be saved. I want to help him save his brother.” The word “want” came out with a momentary pause, like that type of expression was so far outside the realm of his own understanding that he couldn’t quite wrap his head around the concept of personal preference. Sam thought that maybe he couldn’t.
Ruby glanced from man to man. “Interesting. Well, these are the last three beers. I’m going on a run for more. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Sam frowned. “You wanted to sacrifice a virgin.”
“I didn’t say that was a long list.” She grabbed her purse and keys and disappeared, leaving Sam alone with Castiel.
They sat in terribly awkward silence for a good minute, two men and their beer. Finally Cas spoke. “Possession is a major issue for you, is it not?”
“Of course it is, Cas. I’ve been possessed. It’s… I mean, your body, your soul - everything, it’s all stolen from you.” He sipped from his beer. He risked a glance at the angel.
“You are willing to work with demons, though, even though they are possessing people.”
“A necessary evil,” he admitted. “I asked Ruby to release the last person she possessed and take the current host, who was brain-dead. If that makes any sense.”
“So that any sexual activities didn’t take place against the will of the host.” Cas nodded. “I see.”
“When I was possessed, that was one of the things Meg liked to do to make me unhappy - go out and screw around because she knew I wouldn’t want it. Didn’t want it.” He shrugged. “Being possessed sucks, Cas.”
“An angel cannot take a vessel that does not have its mind and soul,” his companion intoned. “But Jimmy, he did give his full consent to this. If it would make you feel more comfortable, you may speak with him. Briefly,” he warned when he saw Sam’s face. “It is difficult for him to stay conscious.”
“If it’s okay with you, yeah. I’d like that.” He nodded, leaning forward.
Cas closed his eyes briefly and pulled his grace inward. After a second he changed. His whole demeanor - the set of his shoulders, the light in his eyes, the way his fingers twitched - clearly indicated that this was not Castiel. He looked up at Sam and winced. “You must be Sam Winchester.” Even his voice was different. “Jimmy Novak.” He held out a hand.
Sam shook it. He could feel the pain radiating off this man but it didn’t seem to be anything Cas was doing to him consciously. “Are you okay?”
“Being an angelic vessel - it’s a lot like being chained to a comet,” he grimaced. “Usually he keeps me locked down in a dream. I don’t feel it - it’s like being under anesthesia. I gave my permission, for the record. We talk sometimes, when you’re asleep. He’s pretty impressed by you. I guess you’re pretty devoted to your brother.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m just doing what any brother would do. I’ll try to keep it brief, though. I can tell that this really doesn’t feel good. Are you okay with this? With everything Cas is doing? With everything he might do?”
Jimmy chuckled. “I gave up my right to the body when I said ‘yes.’ But I trust Castiel. If there’s something he wants to do with our body, then I’m okay with it. I don’t care. I won’t even know about it, but I’m okay with it. Even if it’s something I probably wouldn’t have done with it myself. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t use it for something I’d consider immoral.”
“What if he… what if he were to decide he were the most promiscuous angel ever? Or that he were into tattoos or something?”
“As long as everyone involved is consenting.” Jimmy shrugged and groaned. “Look, I’m sorry. You seem like a nice enough guy. It’s just that I’m kind of straining to hold a ball of energy the size of the Chrysler building in a six foot sack of skin, and well, that’s not easy.”
“Sorry, man. Thanks for talking with me.” He shook the vessel’s hand again, more gently this time, and Castiel returned.
“You are satisfied that Jimmy is content?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Cas.”
He smiled gently. “I am glad that I could set your mind at ease.”
Their eyes met, and Sam ‘s breath caught for a moment. It would be so easy to just lean over and kiss him - but that would be stupid. It was wrong to even think of that, wrong to think of himself while Dean was burning in Hell, wrong to think that he was worthy to kiss an angel no matter where Dean was. Wrong to think that Cas would want him to. The guy didn’t even know what a kiss was, he’d been a wavelength of light until two months ago. “So,” he said, clearing his throat and looking away. “Zille thinks that we’ve got some problems coming up in Idabel. Bunch of cattle mutilations, weird deaths, storms. That kind of things. Could be good, right?”
“We can head that way tomorrow if you wish.” Cas still had that strangely gentle smile on his face. “For now it’s late. You should sleep. You’ve had a hard day.”
Sam wanted to balk. After all, however difficult his day had been his brother’s day had assuredly been worse. Still, he needed to be stronger if he were going to help Dean, and that wasn’t going to happen if he ran himself into the ground. He went to bed, waking early to continue with his training.
Cas was not in the room when he woke, but that was not necessarily unusual. Sometimes the guy liked to go out and look at the world, enjoy his Father’s creation. Sometimes he liked to observe humanity and sometimes he needed to go and communicate with his brethren. He hadn’t given Ruby any indication as to which of the above was the case this time and she hadn’t asked, so Sam went for his usual run.
When he returned, he found Cas as focused and intense as he had been the day that they met. “Sam,” he said, gripping the hunter’s arms tightly. “It is time. We cannot wait any longer. We must mount our assault on Hell now.”
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