One generic pet acquisition transmission [30/??? artefacts collected]
[ The first thing you will notice when looking at this transmission is a zoetrope sitting on a desk, obstructing most of the video feed.
The second thing you might notice are a pair of feet in the background; specifically a pair of feet sticking out from under a bed.
The third thing you will notice is-- ]
No! No, hey, come b-- You'll be much ( Read more... )
The second thing you might notice are a pair of feet in the background; specifically a pair of feet sticking out from under a bed.
The third thing you will notice is-- ]
No! No, hey, come b-- You'll be much ( Read more... )
[Dean wouldn't know what a zoetrope was even if it was obscuring most of his video feed, which is good, because he's actually at Philip's door, trying the handle and happy to find that it's unlocked.
He does, however, know the telltale whine of a puppy, because he used to travel with one 24/7 back home. Although Dean's version is bigger, likes salads, and bitchfaces when he doesn't get his way.]
...Please tell me that's what I think it is.
[Because he might just die laughing while standing here in your doorway, dude.]
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[Philip is bonding already with his tiny dog just by holding it.
If it occurred to Dean, he might mention that the dog looks similar to one from this movie he watched a while back, but even if he could remember it, he wouldn't say anything since this narration has sworn not to traumatize Philip LaFresque any more than absolutely necessary.]
Whatcha gonna name 'er?
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[ Philip coughs, clearing his throat. See? Breathing in hair already. ]
-That Is Going Right Back Into The Closet The Moment I Leave For Your Barbecue.
[ A glare at Dean. ]
I hope that's not too long.
[ Maybe not, but if the puppy's whining is any indication then she was hoping for a nicer name than that. And a longer stay, too.
...Probably some of that barbecue as well. ]
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Just, uh-
[This is an uncomfortable few seconds for Dean, let him resist the urge to spit pop culture references and instead rein himself in to suggest something a little less related to icy wastelands and impending doom.]
-just a little. [He steps forward to rub the dog's head.] Pick a nerdy science name or I'm going with Balto.
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If you want to call her Balto, call her Balto.
[ He mentally cringes at the thought. ]
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[Dean replies with a certain je ne sais quoi.]
Don't get your panties in a twist, it's just a dog.
[He pats Balto's head and adds to her, quietly, sympathetically:] But your dad's gonna be a dick about this, so Uncle Dean will do what he can.
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[ That, esteemed readers, would be the point in time when Mrs Puppy decided that true comfort and security is found not under the bed, but under Philip's sweater. ]
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He has the feeling that the small mammal will win this battle.]
Are you kidding? She already decided that your sweater is a bed. You're screwed. Accept defeat.
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[ Much as Philip would hate for the narration to admit it, but he already doesn't sound quite so decisive anymore... and neither does his struggle to drive the pup out of her hideout, for that matter. ]
What am I supposed to do with her? What about the events? All of this is bad enough for people.
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[Good question.]
She's a Wonderland dog, right? Wonderland's gotta have an animal protection policy, and, uh...the Christmas event can't be that bad.
[HAHAHAHAHA hahahahah ahaha haha ha. Ha.
A man can dream.]
You got a few weeks to get her used to you.
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[ Voluntarily the dog shows her face outside the sweater again. Lovely as that hiding spot in here is, Philip's fingers are out there and really, how else is she supposed to bite them now? ]
...still put her back tomorrow after I've read about the sort of chaos I'd be expecting, I suppose.
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[That's it.
He's done for.
He's keeping the dog.
One small step for Philip, one doggy lifetime of frolicking for Balto.]
Just check it out, why not? Some critters aren't as high-maintenance, y'know?
[Dean sits on the bed and claps a hand against Philip's shoulder.]
Now lemme see 'er again before we get somethin' to eat.
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...I'm supposed to leave her here? Alone?
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Nah.
[To the closet!
Dean returns with a tiny tiny collar and an adorable pink leash. He holds them out to Philip with a knowing smile.]
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You mean I can't just carry her around in my purse?
[ But he's already accepted the offer and is putting the collar on his new and completely temporary puppy companion... or tries to, at any rate. ]
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[Dean watches Philip struggle with the collar process for a moment before deciding that it's too painful.]
...please don't tell me you need help with that.
[His voice. The most horrific teasing tone ever. Mockery for days, my friend. Perhaps weeks.]
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