At The End

[rytings]

After fifty years - a remarkable lifespan for the people of Spira - Gippal was finally dying of the same ailment that struck many Al Bhed. They called it aqbucina, or “exposure”. There were a number of reasons that they used to explain the sickness - too much sun, too long in the desert in their childhood, toxins left over in the desert from

Comments

I

[kunstarniki]

What courage you have! I cannot bring myself to write the death of my main character. This is quite lovely, you know. It is believable on every level and you have gathered the bouquet of friends with a delicate touch.

There is only one point which bothers me - your use of the word 'litany' as you do. It does not precisely fit the meaning I have for the word and is just a bit distracting, ruffling the mood as it were. Still, that is a minor point.

You have handled these Variations with great skill. Each one has illuminated another facet of the pair. Brava!

Re: I

[iamleaper]

I debated about that word, actually. I didn't like "litany" which was what first came out, but I couldn't find one I liked better. I wanted to get the feeling of repetition (i.e. the same people keeping on coming back), even though I know that litany is usually used in reference to reciting something. After debating about it for a while, I couldn't find a better one and decided to leave it. (As you know, I am horrendously impatient with my writing.)

Any suggestions? You've come up with words that have saved my soul before. ;)

I

[kunstarniki]

I keep coming up blank. The best I can think of is cortege. Perhaps, the constantly recurring cortege of the same people. Or perhaps, the train of those who wished to say farewell. I am not sure there is a single word which will do all you want it to do. You may have to distinguish between the close friends and the acquaintances who respect Gippal. Hm......

Re: I

[iamleaper]

Bah, English! ;) That's all I have to say.

[raserei_hojo]

Squee. I detest character deaths, but the way you wrote it made it acceptable. I'm beginning to live for these First Kiss ficlets.