Shoon's Greatest Pride: a Heisei Kumi fanfic (5/9)
Author: ryosukekoibito
Pairing: none
Rating: R
Warnings: Drug use, Homelessness, Violence
Genre: Slice of life/Coming of age
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone.
Summary: The first time Shoon had seen Hikaru, he hadn't thought the kid could be saved. That didn't keep him from trying.
A/N: So here's some more Heisei Kumi fic! This one starts in November of 1997, and follows the boys, but more specifically Shoon and Hikaru's relationship, over almost nine years. You do not need to have read any of the other stories in this AU to read this one, as it introduces the world through Shoon's eyes. If you'd like to read the other stories in this AU, please check out my masterlist! All Heisei Kumi fics have 平成組 next to their titles, to mark them as part of the AU! I'm pretty excited about this fic, and I hope you all like it! Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR LOVELY OKAMOTO KEITO!
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
It was only a few days before Christmas―Shoon had never really been one to pay attention to Christmas before now, but the other boys all were very excited about the holiday―when one night Yabu didn’t come home before dark. He’d never been out late before, the small boy always claiming to be afraid of the dark, and to top it all off a snow storm had blown in from the south a few hours before nightfall. Everyone was upset, worried and tense, and while Taiyo skittered around, unable to keep still, literally wringing his hands, Hikaru had retreated within himself, silently curling up, his eyes fixed on the door. Shoon took in his companions faces, their expressions of anxiety and stress, and he got up, grabbing their shared coat and slinging it on as he said
“I’m going to go look for him, he probably got lost somewhere.” Both Taiyo and Hikaru immediately got to their feet.
“We can help!” Taiyo offered, but Shoon shook his head, opening the front door. Cold air burst in, snowflakes pushing their way into the warmth in the violent gust, and he had to raise his voice as he said
“It’s too cold! We don’t have any more coats! Just stay here; I’ll be back soon!” He turned away, scrunching up his face against the snow, the wind already biting at his nose and ears, and it took effort to get the door shut behind him, before he went out, stomping through the snow. It was hard to see, the storm obliterating anything more than a meter away from his sight, and he found himself just walking slowly through the streets and yelling, calling out for Yabu, hoping that perhaps the kid would hear him. The night wore on, and he was considering turning back, hoping that Yabu had made it home already, when he heard, faint against the sound of the wind battering his eardrums
“Mayo?” It was a nickname, one the boys had given him during a particularly giddy dinner, and he wasn’t even sure he’d heard right, yelling out as loud as he could
“YABU!”
“Mayo!” It was louder that time, and Shoon ran toward the noise yelling again, and it was a few moments later that he caught sight of the boy, Yabu cowering in the doorway of an old restaurant, his nose red from the cold, hair a tangled mess swirling in front of his face. When he saw him, Yabu waved, running out to meet Shoon halfway, and he barreled into him, nearly knocking him down into the street as he buried himself in Shoon’s arms, tears immediately beginning to fall, his little body trembling as he cried.
“I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” Shoon murmured, relishing the warmth of Yabu’s little body against his own for a moment, before taking the coat off and wrapping it around the younger boy’s shoulders. “Everyone’s worried about you.” He said, taking Yabu’s hand. “Let's go home.” The way back to the apartment was much faster than the way out, the two of them trudging through the storm at a slow jog, the fastest they could manage in the wind and the snow. It was a relief to see their front door, and they burst through it, tumbling into the light and the heat with a feeling of success. That feeling was quickly sapped out of Shoon when Taiyo opened his mouth.
“Oh my god, Yabuchii! Thank goodness. Did you see Hikaru?”
“Hikaru? What? He’s supposed to be here with you.” Shoon felt anger flare up in his chest as Taiyo shook his head, the younger boy informing them
“He left to look for Yabu too. I couldn’t make him stay.”
“Idiot!” Shoon snapped; whirling right back out the door, yelling behind him “You brats had better not go anywhere!” before running out into the night. He searched for what felt like hours, his voice going hoarse, teeth chattering, hands and nose numb from the cold. He found himself wishing he’d behaved a bit more rationally; he shouldn’t have yelled at Taiyo, and―if he’d stopped to think for a few seconds―he could have gotten the coat. As it was he returned home alone, stomach growling in hunger, extremities numb from the cold. Yabu and Taiyo were up waiting for him, the both of them frantic messes as they swaddled him in blankets and shoved a cup of instant ramen in his hand. Apologies were murmured from everyone, and it was hard, admitting that he couldn’t go back out tonight, that they’d just have to wait and hope that Hikaru came back on his own.
It was even harder waking up the following morning to find that he hadn’t returned in the night. The three of them spent the whole day out looking for him, taking turns with the coat and searching in a pack, Shoon not eager to let anyone wander off on their own. He’d expected Hikaru to be back by now, expected Hikaru to come back after the storm had passed, and he couldn’t understand why Hikaru wouldn’t be back, feeling helpless when Yabu asked if he had any idea as to where Hikaru could be, shaking his head. It was then however that Taiyo said
“We haven’t checked...his old spots.” Shoon’s eyes widened, a sinking feeling in his gut as he realized what Taiyo was suggesting. Hikaru hadn’t shot up in almost a year, and Shoon had honestly convinced himself that that chapter of their lives―the one where they couldn’t trust Hikaru to be alone, the one in which they were all too used to cleaning vomit out of shoes and off of the bathroom floor, the one where they lived in fear of finding Hikaru in an alley somewhere, overdosed and lying dead in a pool of his own bodily fluids―was over. His stomach churned, a shiver running down his spine as he considered it, a lump forming in his throat as Yabu asked, excited, completely unaware of the grim weight Taiyo’s words held
“Old spots? Let’s go! You think you might know where he could be?” Taiyo glanced at Shoon over Yabu’s head, obviously uncertain, but Shoon nodded.
“Let’s go. Stick close to me.” He decided, Taiyo paling a bit, Yabu asking
“Why?”
“Where we’re going, it’s not very safe.” He said, offering Yabu his hand, taking his pocket knife out with his other, and leading the way to the decrepit buildings and filthy back alleys that seemed to breed addiction, his heart in his throat. They searched for over an hour, checking the all of the back alleys they’d found Hikaru in the past, eliminating them one by one, and as they turned each corner, and found it empty, there was a strong wave of relief in Shoon’s stomach, followed by an equally strong wall of fear. Because while he didn’t want to find Hikaru here, he was starting to panic properly about losing him. It had been nearly a full twenty-four hours since he’d gone missing, and still...nothing.
Yet, it was only a few streets off of the beaten path, and one wrong turn, before up ahead they caught sight of a familiar shoe, a foot peeking out from around a corner a few streets down, and Shoon felt his chest constrict in dread, jogging over, something ugly enveloping him when he rounded the corner to see the rest of the boy. It was Hikaru, sprawled out in the snow, his little body pressed up against the brick of the building’s exterior wall, his body sopping in sweat, vomit pooled by his head, congealed and half frozen in the snow. He had trails of snot running from his nostrils, and while usually when he was high his face would flush, cheeks a ruddy pink, this time he was pale, looking dead to the world.
He looked worse than he ever had, and Shoon could feel something in his chest breaking as he leaned down, shaking Hikaru’s body and getting nothing in response. Desperate, terrified, he leaned in closer, feeling for a pulse, a breath, something to indicate that Hikaru was still alive. It was then, once he had a cold hand on Hikaru’s bare neck that he realized that the smaller boy was trembling, his whole body quivering, his skin hot and wet to the touch, feverish, and Shoon felt weak with relief for a moment, his arms going limp by his sides as he glanced over at Taiyo and Yabu.
“He’s alive.” Shoon declared, Taiyo looking upset but relieved, while Yabu was staring wide eyed at Hikaru, terror written on his little face, his eyes already brimming with tears.
“What’s wrong with him?” Yabu asked, pressing himself into Taiyo’s side as he spoke, his voice small. Shoon turned back to Hikaru’s body, scooping him up into his arms as he heard Taiyo attempt a stuttered explanation, Shoon leading the way as the four of them returned home. Taiyo got the door, Yabu just trailing behind, eyes wide as Shoon brought Hikaru straight to the heater, Taiyo disappearing into their bedroom, returning with clean clothes and the bucket they kept under the bathroom sink. Hikaru was properly out of it, not reacting at all as they silently stripped him down, Taiyo getting an old shirt that they had all grown out of and wetting it in the kitchen sink, trying to clean Hikaru’s face and hair up as best he could, while Shoon worked his legs into new pants.
They worked to get him as warm and clean as they could, and occasionally one of Hikaru’s legs would twitch, and his eyelids would flutter a bit, his lips parting, the odd rope of drool dribbling out. He never seemed properly conscious however, and Shoon pulled him close, laying on the floor with him and wrapping his arms around Hikaru’s chest, feeling the younger boy’s heart, a bit slower than perhaps it should be, but still beating, under his fingertips. It was comforting, and he wrapped himself around Hikaru, instructing Taiyo to tie their ankles together, the words making his heart grow heavy, Yabu watching in horror as Taiyo did as he was told. He’d thought Hikaru could be left alone. He’d been wrong, and now they were all suffering because of it.
He laid there, Hikaru’s head tucked under his chin, listening as the other boys put themselves to bed, not wanting to look at them and see their faces, knowing they were feeling upset, scared and alone. He wished he were older, he thought, as he lay there. If he were older he’d know what to do. He could help them. As it was he was just as helpless as the others, and he could only hope that Hikaru would make it through the night. He did his best to stay up, wanting to make sure he could be there for Hikaru. He did doze off a few times, however, and it was during one of those times that Hikaru seemed to come to himself, Shoon being brought to full awareness by the rope tied to his ankle straining.
He was alert at once, Hikaru flailing his limbs, a whine pitting itself in the back of his throat. Shoon released his arms from around Hikaru’s chest, asking tentatively if he was okay. Hikaru didn’t respond, his fingers latching on to the edge of the bucket, dragging it over and reaching inside, as if expecting something to be there, before throwing it aside, the plastic hitting the wall with a clatter, the noise waking Taiyo and Yabu. Hikaru tried to roll away from Shoon, but they were still tied together, and he kicked at Shoon’s legs with his free foot, as if expecting that to free him. Shoon cursed in surprise, yelping
“Hikaru! Hikaru, what do you want?” There was the sound of feet pattering across the floor, and Yabu flicked the light on, the sudden brightness making Shoon scrunch his eyes up in protest, blinking a few times before feeling Hikaru’s fingers tugging haplessly at the rope tying them together, and finally getting a good look at his face. Hikaru was looking at him with eyes that were slightly unfocused, his head bobbing a bit, fingers shaking too badly to really be able to do much, and Shoon realized that he hadn’t come down yet. He was still high. Hikaru had never been high for this long before, and the logical part of his brain wondered for a moment if he’d been given something stronger, or more pure, than he used to get, but the thought was fleeting.
He put a hand on Hikaru’s shoulder, trying to calm him, rubbing up and down the younger boy’s arm with his palm soothingly. It didn't seem to do much, but Hikaru’s fingers stilled on the rope binding their ankles together, and he muttered, the word broken and so quiet that Shoon, despite his close position, could barely make it out.
“Water.”
“Taiyo, get him some water. Yabu-” Shoon looked over to where Yabu was still standing by the lightswitch, his hair a mess from sleeping on it, silent tears running down his cheeks as he looked at Hikaru. At Shoon’s words however, he dragged his gaze to Shoon’s face instead, and Shoon gestured to the bucket Hikaru had thrown across their little apartment. “-if you could bring that to Hika; he’ll probably need it.” Hikaru himself didn't seem to be listening to Shoon’s words, his fingers resuming their tugging on the rope tied around his ankle, fervently pulling on the threads, and he seemed to have lapsed into a subconscious state, no proper thought behind his actions any longer, just struggle for the sake of it. Because he didn't know what else to do. Because he was afraid.
Taiyo brought Hikaru a cup, and Yabu-tentatively-brought the bucket, and he managed to actually keep the water down. When they tried to give him food however, about an hour later, Hikaru ended up snatching the bucket from the floor, retching harshly and spilling all of the contents of his stomach into it. After all of that, he reached out for Shoon, still trembling, tears beginning to run down his cheeks, misery and regret written on his face, and he buried his head in Shoon’s chest, sobbing, saying in between heaving gulps of air
“I-I’m sorry. I didn't mean it. It didn't mean it. I don't want-I don't-I’m so sorry. I'm so, so-Never. Never again, I promise. I won't-not ever. Sorry. I don't want-never. Promise.” Shoon didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, just cradling Hikaru in his arms until he finally fell asleep. Taiyo stood, grabbing the vomit filled bucket and taking it to the bathroom, and Yabu just sat on his futon, fingers curled into fists in his blanket, and he asked quietly
“What's going to happen to him? Will he be okay?” Shoon wrapped his arms a bit tighter around Hikaru, nodding.
“He’ll be okay. I promise.”
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