Shoon's Greatest Pride: a Heisei Kumi fanfic (3/9)
Author: ryosukekoibito
Pairing: none
Rating: R
Warnings: Drug use, Homelessness, Violence
Genre: Slice of life/Coming of age
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone.
Summary: The first time Shoon had seen Hikaru, he hadn't thought the kid could be saved. That didn't keep him from trying.
A/N: So here's some more Heisei Kumi fic! This one starts in November of 1997, and follows the boys, but more specifically Shoon and Hikaru's relationship, over almost nine years. You do not need to have read any of the other stories in this AU to read this one, as it introduces the world through Shoon's eyes. If you'd like to read the other stories in this AU, please check out my masterlist! All Heisei Kumi fics have 平成組 next to their titles, to mark them as part of the AU! I'm pretty excited about this fic, and I hope you all like it!
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2
They all fell asleep curled up together in a pile on the floor by the heater that night. But when Shoon woke up Hikaru wasn't bundled up next to him under their ratty blanket, and he panicked, bolting up and calling out
"Hikaru-kun!"
"What?" A voice called weakly from the other room, and Shoon darted into the bedroom, taking one sweeping glance before striding to the other side of the space and into the bathroom. There, on the floor by the toilet was Hikaru. He was trembling, his head resting on the edge of the toilet bowl, sopping with sweat. He had trails of snot running down his nose. He looked broken; he looked close to death, and it was anxiety inducing; it made Shoon want to look away. Shoon instead braced himself and crouched down next to the smaller boy, rubbing his back like he'd seen mothers do with their children. Hikaru flinched at the touch, but then he leaned into it, his body weight pressed up against Shoon's side, and Shoon resolved that by the end of the day he was going to have figured out what sort of drug Hikaru had been shooting up―and find out how to help him.
That day, after a freezing, brisk shower, Shoon left Taiyo in charge of Hikaru and set out to get answers to his questions. He started by sneaking into the nearest elementary school library, but after a few hours of searching he deemed the place worthless and instead he went over to the high school, where he struck pay dirt when he stumbled upon a section of the library dedicated to educational pamphlets. He couldn't really read them, but―judging on the pictures―they had to have the information he was looking for. He took all of them, even the ones that he didn't think he'd need, stuffing his pockets before snatching a dictionary and running, startled sounding students yelling after him.
The rest of the day was spent deciphering the pamphlets. It was a long and painstaking process, one spent inside a train station, Shoon sheltering there for the light and warmth the structure provided. He learned all about many kinds of illegal drugs, some much more harrowing sounding than others, until he found the one that seemed to match Hikaru's symptoms; heroin. It was, to his distress, one of the more scary sounding drugs, but it wasn't the worst one he'd read about, and it was a relief to be able to put a name to the stuff. He read the little pamphlet cover to cover with the help of his dictionary, and then he stole a pen from a passerby's notebook, and a napkin from the garbage, and he took notes.
At this point Hikaru wasn't going to die―probably―much to his relief. At least, he wasn't as long as he didn't take too much of the stuff. The best thing Shoon could do was keep him off of the drugs, and wait for Hikaru to start to feel better. The pamphlet listed all of Hikaru's symptoms and then some on one of the flaps, in a column labeled withdrawl, another word Shoon had never seen before. And it was slightly frustrating, because the paper's glossy surface didn't say what could make the addicted person feel better. But Shoon did manage to discern that the withdrawl should end, once all of the drugs were out of Hikaru's system. Even after the withdrawl symptoms were over however, one last thing remained, one thing that seemed to be the hardest obstacle to overcome; cravings. Hikaru was going to want the drug for a long time. He was going to want it a lot, and it was going to be hard for him to not have it. The pamphlet advised rehab, or medical involvement, but those words made Shoon's hair stand on end. He'd decided to take Hikaru in. He was going to help the smaller boy.
His confidence crashed to the floor when upon returning to the apartment that evening, frozen dinners under his arm, he found the place a mess, both Hikaru and Taiyo gone. His mind was racing. What could have happened? Had someone broken in? Had they been robbed? Did the other boys run away, or had they been taken? Had they been killed? He called out, dropping everything at the door and running through the tiny apartment, but no one answered. He was alone. There were signs of a struggle, but nothing had been stolen. The space heater―probably the most valuable thing in the apartment―was sitting in the middle of the front room, knocked on it's side, the cord still plugged into the wall. So then where were Hikaru and Taiyo?
He whirled back out into the growing darkness, a small bubble of terror in his chest, and he set off, determined to find them. He dug into his pants pocket, fishing for a moment before feeling the familiar smooth edge of his pocket knife, the protection it offered in it's sharp blade a comfort, and he took it out as he flitted through the streets, searching desperately for their familiar faces in the darkness. He found Taiyo first, the tall young boy peering around a corner, his eyes wide, face pale. He wasn't wearing a coat, and he was shivering in the November cold, his hands up by his mouth in an attempt to keep them warm. Relief hit Shoon like a wall, but it was chased by confusion when he ran over, and found Taiyo alone.
"Taiyo-kun! Are you hurt? Where's Hikaru?" Taiyo looked over at him in surprise, his eyes wide and almost fearful, and he shook his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he said
"I-I'm fine...it's Hikaru he―" He took a deep breath, and he looked at Shoon as if he was a dog that was afraid of being beaten. "―he said he couldn't do...do it anymore." The last word came out in a squeak, and it was followed by a stuttered, nervous mess of words that Shoon came to think meant something along the lines of 'I tried to stop him'. Understanding washed over Shoon as he listened to Taiyo's convoluted, nervous explanations. Hikaru had gone out looking for more drugs―heroin, Shoon reminded himself―and by the sound of things Taiyo had tried to stop him; physically. He'd failed, and now he was doing the same thing Shoon was doing; looking for Hikaru. But he was visibly scared, and he was cold, his lips a pale purplish hue, his body wracking with shivers.
Shoon sent him back to the apartment, assuring him that he would get Hikaru back, and Taiyo seemed reassured by his words, but Shoon felt a nauseating panic growing in his stomach. He had to find Hikaru, had to get to him before the smaller boy found what he was looking for. He looked for over an hour, as night fell and the moon rose high in the sky. The longer it took the more uneasy he became. He'd been taught that it wasn't safe for children to be out late by themselves, not in the neighborhood he lived in, if you could call dilapidated and mostly abandoned buildings a neighborhood. He kept to his apartment at night to keep away from the terrors that night brought with it, stabbings and junkies and violence. Getting needlessly involved was just asking for trouble.
It was late, and very dark when finally he turned a corner to see two people in an alley. One of them was undoubtedly an adult, but he was thin, aged beyond his years, with mottled skin and ratty clothes. The other was―to Shoon's relief―Hikaru. They were huddled together, Hikaru's back turned away from him, and Shoon ran up, yelling as he got close enough to see a small plastic bag in the adult's hand, holding in it a white powdery substance just like the kind Shoon had found on Hikaru a few days previous. His shout startled them, and they both jumped, Hikaru spinning around as Shoon flicked his pocket knife open, lunging at the man with the drugs and slamming into him full force, reeling his arm back and slicing the blade of his knife down the man's face as he said
"Stay the fuck away from him." The force with which he knocked into the man knocked him off of his feet, Shoon ending up crouching over the dealer, the man shoving at him with his arms, yelping and trying to get him off. It was a momentary struggle, limbs everywhere, but then Shoon managed to get his blade dangerously close to one of the guy's eyes, and he froze, the blade hovering millimeters away from him, as fear dragged down his addiction riddled face. "You listen to me." Shoon muttered. "If I find out you gave him anything―" He gestured to where Hikaru was standing about a meter away, his eyes wide, mouth agape. "―or if you ever give him anything I will find you, and you will end up actually missing an eye, understand?" The man didn't say anything, just giving him the slightest of nods, and Shoon got to his feet, not watching as the man scrambled away. Instead he turned to Hikaru, putting his knife away and reaching out to him.
"Are you okay?" He asked, trying to take Hikaru's form in, worried that he was hurt or high. Hikaru blinked up at him, eyes already beginning to fill with tears, and there was some comfort for Shoon in that gaze. He was definitely sober. He hadn't managed to get anything into his system. Relieved, Shoon leaned in, pulling Hikaru in for a tight hug, and Hikaru froze up, obviously not comfortable with the physical affection, but then he hissed as if in pain, and Shoon jumped back at once, eyeing him up and down, looking for any indication of injury. "You're hurt? Where?!" Hikaru shrugged.
"It's my insides." He explained. "They hurt. My bones and stuff." His voice was watery, and he burst into tears, sniveling as Shoon took one of his hands and said
"Let's go home, we'll get you all patched up. I know it sucks right now, but it'll get better, I promise." He paused, looking over his shoulder in the direction that the drug dealer had run off. "I'm going to get you through this, Hikaru-kun." He started leading Hikaru back in the direction of the apartment, and after a few moments Hikaru said, through the tears
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I―" There was a small hic, and the apologies turned into pleading. "Just let me go. Leave me, let me go please. I'm sorry, just let me―" Shoon's grip tightened on Hikaru's hand automatically, and he shook his head.
"I'm not going to let you kill yourself, you're better than that. C'mon." His words only cowed Hikaru into silence for a few minutes, the apologies and pleading starting back up again, but Shoon didn't budge, and Hikaru didn't try to get away. His palm was sweaty despite the cold air, despite the snow that started to fall as they made their way home in the dark, and Shoon realized that too probably had something to do with the withdrawal. He knew Hikaru had to be freezing. They burst through the apartment door, and it was immediately apparent that Taiyo had tried to clean up some of the destruction he and Hikaru had caused earlier that day, and when Shoon returned with Hikaru Taiyo tripped over his own feet in his haste to greet them.
Despite that, when he got to Hikaru Taiyo froze, visibly wary of the smaller boy. There was an awkward moment, Hikaru and Taiyo just standing there in the semi-darkness, staring at each other, before Taiyo glanced away, his face red, and he stuttered out
"I-I made some ramen." Shoon nodded in appreciation, his stomach hallow with hunger, Taiyo scuttled back into the kitchen to get their food while Shoon brought Hikaru over to the heater, setting him down and grabbing the rope from where it had been forgotten in a corner on the floor, shoving it into his pants pocket. Taiyo handed him a styrofoam cup and the three of them sat around the heater eating in silence, all of them physically and emotionally drained from the events of the day, Hikaru still sniveling on occasion. Hikaru didn't eat much, and what little he did eat he didn't keep down for long. He ended up rushing to the bathroom, and he made it into the general vicinity of the toilet before spilling the contents of his stomach down the side of the bowl and onto the tile floor.
After getting Hikaru―and the bathroom floor―all cleaned up they bundled up in blankets and laid down around the heater, to go to sleep. That night was the worst one yet, and while not trusting Hikaru to stay Shoon had tied them together―the same way Taiyo had done on their first night as a trio―it wasn't really necessary. Hikaru was restless, constantly shifting and whining as if he was uncomfortable and in some sort of pain. Shoon was up most of the night with Hikaru, the smaller boy tossing and turning, covered in sweat, he was sickly pale in the darkness of night, trembling uncontrollably, hot tears running down his face. It was hard to bear witness to, and Shoon tried to be comforting, but Hikaru flinched away from most physical contact. The night was long and tedious, and Shoon had to remind himself repeatedly that this was all symptoms of the withdrawal, this was just because of the drugs, and it would go away, but nothing would help but time.
That night was one of the worst nights of Shoon's short life, but the next one was a little better, and the one after that even more so, and he knew that the worst of it had passed. It was a huge relief, Shoon could feel the stress and anxiety of the past few days melting off of him, and the release was almost exhausting in its weight. It was about a week before Shoon woke up late one morning to find Hikaru gone again. The loss made him feel like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach, and he bolted up, frantically searching the apartment before dashing out into the street, the early December cold biting at his nose and fingertips, chilling him to his bones as he ran, yelling for Hikaru, desperate and afraid. He'd thought things were going so well.
He found Hikaru in the late afternoon, curled into the shadow of an abandoned building, his eyes glazed over, fingers still gripping an empty syringe, looking much like he had when Shoon had first found him. It was both relieving and disheartening. Hikaru had relapsed; everything they'd worked toward had been trashed. But at least he was still alive. And so Shoon scooped him up, and carried him home, determined not to give up on the kid. Because now, for the first time in his pointlessly hard life, he had a reason to fight, to persevere and survive. For the first time ever he was needed, and he wasn't going to let that go.
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