Perspective

[rustydog]

I recently quoted this interview with Dan Gottlieb elsewhere on a different subject, but here's something else I found memorable. Dr. Gottlieb is a clinical psychologist who is in a wheelchair, a quadriplegic. The interviewer asked him if his therapy patients ever feel hesitant to share their problems with him because they assume his are worse. He

Comments

[rustydog]

::love::

[nutmeg3]

Thank you for this. Your timing is impeccable. I found out last night that my friend with the neurological problems (which it has been proven she's making worse by over-medicating herself, which she has now started doing again *is upset*) said to another friend, "Can you believe (Nutmeg's real name) had the nerve to complain to me about her leg? To me?" Which the other friend told her immediately was a totally inappropriate thing to say, etc. But I'm so, so hurt. When I had cancer and people used to tell me things, then say "But I shouldn't complain to you, with what you're going through," I always made a point of saying that everyone's problems were legitimate and real, that one problem doesn't trump another. And I believe that. So for her to say that after I'd made the 40 minute trip to visit her after my excruciating MRI, wrung out and in extra pain - and she could see that I could barely sit down or get up, could barely walk - hurts me more than I can say. And yes, I know she's sick, but she's also always found a way to be the

[sunbrae]

*hugs and love to Nutty*

*hugs and love to Rusty*

[nutmeg3]

::clings tight to Sunny::

[rustydog]

Oh, friend. There is so much injustice and unkindness in that story, I hardly know what to say. I just want to hug you hard (but not so it hurts!)

::love::

[phoenix64]

I tend to express this as "everyone has their own hell".

[rustydog]

Yes, that! Sigh.

[edhed]

As a chronic pain sufferer and support group leader, this is one of the hardest things. People always want to compare. "My pain is worse than yours" or "I don't understand why your headaches are so debilitating - I take a Tylenol and am fine." If you feel you are in pain and it affects your life, you are in pain. Period.

[rustydog]

If you feel you are in pain and it affects your life, you are in pain. Period.

Completely agreed.

I think that having suffered from pain, particularly chronic pain, would make people more sympathetic to others, and sometimes it does. But sometimes it seems to make them *rate* other people, or feel superior somehow, which is ridiculous -- there is no way one person can evaluate another person's pain or suffering. That pain scale they have in hospitals is useful only for the way it shows how one individual is experiencing their pain. Not in how it compares to anyone else's. GAh.

[edhed]

Don't get me started on the pain scale. And I would agree that people in chronic can be the worst raters when comparing others. I saw it at pain camp - you work? you must be better off than me.

[rustydog]

I'm sure you've seen this "enhanced" Pain Scale. My mom loved it, even with the swears. :)