Comments | runaway_tales: only under liberty

amatalefay in runaway_tales

only under liberty

Jun 21, 2012 08:03

Title: only under liberty

Author: Amata le Fay

Story: Omni

Flavor(s): Peach Pie 4 (by the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty), Pomegranate 1 (explosion), Dark Chocolate 6 (disillusionment)

Toppings/Extras: None

Rating: PG13, for language

Word Count: 1,432

Notes: An exercise to try and develop a relatively new character. Please give concrit ( Read more... )

[author] amata le fay, [challenge] dark chocolate, [challenge] pomegranate, [challenge] peach pie

Comments 2

rustydragonfly June 21 2012, 19:45:51 UTC

Hi!

This was a great read. I'm afraid I'm not very good at concrit or I'd help more, but I think you did a good job of setting up Monika's character and showing her world and thoughts. I'd love to see more.

The only thing that did throw me off was the italics at the start. I got used to the style later on in but they were a little confusing to begin with, because it took me a while to work out what they meant.

amatalefay June 21 2012, 22:42:40 UTC

Thanks! Glad you liked it. I wasn't exactly sure how to set off the text but ended up going with italics.