Comments | runaway_tales: leitmotiv

nathskywalker in runaway_tales

leitmotiv

Apr 02, 2011 14:13

Author: Nathalia
Rating: PG
Challenge: Apfelstrudel #13 - leitmotiv
Extras / Toppings: peaches (Wait and see if you're on the same page)
Word Count: 619
Story: Misfits
Summary: Kyla comes to see Jason years after they last met and Jason has a strong opinion about wanting her to go away, but it’s not as easy as it should be.
Notes: I think the moral is ( Read more... )

[author] nathalia, [challenge] apple strudel, [extra] fresh fruit : peaches

Comments 12

ninablues April 2 2011, 12:55:57 UTC

Great flourish ending! Da-da-DAAH! Also: oh my goodness, I need to read more Kyla, she is fascinating. And I can see why she might have come to mind for the Victor Valentine's date thing. XD I like that it's from Jason's point of view but it's impossible not to side with Kyla at least a little despite his anger and frustration. At least for me.

I'll take the poor egg bracing himself at the bottom please. XD

nathskywalker April 2 2011, 15:11:20 UTC

I cleverly inserted the egg before the final line ;)

Kyla is a messed up character who does a lot of things she doesn't really want to and wants to protect Jason from the obligations she feels she has.

"I don't kid about quiche." - Casey, Chuck

hi_falootin April 2 2011, 17:39:56 UTC

When Kyla busts out the with the emotion in her eyes (How strange that she rarely shows that!), I got a bit suspicious too...and then she drops the bomb. Wow. I like how you set you this up, good dramatic tension.

Red egg for me?

nathskywalker April 2 2011, 17:47:14 UTC

I hated the prompt and kept staring at it for days and when I started this, I had no idea how to end it until I realized that if it is a leitmotiv, then there is no way that Kyla would just nod and her and Jason would part ways. Also, I knew I had to have him find out that he is a father one day.

"Now hold on, we can deal with this rationally. We have something you want, you have something we want..."
"A trade, intriguing... No, wait, boring. Pull off his kneecaps!"
- Wesley and Demon, Buffy

shayna611 April 2 2011, 19:10:43 UTC

oh man, I didn't think she planned on ever telling him! I wonder what changed her mind. Agreeing with Falootin - good setup, especially all his dismissive bitterness. I'd like to see how things shift right after that last line.

nathskywalker April 2 2011, 19:14:22 UTC

I didn't know she planned to tell him either or how she ever planned to do it if she did. There's this huge gap in my plot and then he suddenly knows and is a little less bitter about it but that's when Allana is in her late teens, so I really don't know. Kyla had to drop some kind of bomb and well, she doesn't have that much to really shock Jason with.

I need to figure out what happens after this. Jason won't be happy.

ex_writer_m April 3 2011, 12:53:42 UTC

This is brilliant. I really feel for Jason who seems to have finally figured that he's being used in some way and has to pull the plug on it.

Kyla I don't like as much. She comes across here as a manipulative bitch character desperately trying to hang on to something even though she doesn't really seem to care about it.

And with that twist at the end I think poor Jason is in for a bit of a rollercoaster ride for a while.

nathskywalker April 3 2011, 13:03:45 UTC

Kyla is sort of a bitch but I don't think she does it on purpose. She broke up with Jason about four years before this because she wanted to let him go. Her job limits her possibilities a lot and she didn't want to tie down Jason with it as well, so she broke up with him and they went separate ways. The only time they saw each other after that was a few months later when Kyla gave birth to their child but she didn't see the need to mention to Jason that he's the father, again, because she thinks she's protecting him by doing so. She doesn't tell Jason about the child to hang on to him because she doesn't think a relationship between them would work but because she couldn't deal with all the guilt ( ... )

smoothiegarten April 4 2011, 05:26:26 UTC

Wow, Jason is angry, isn't he? This is probably a piece of information he wants to have, though, no matter his history with Kyla. A really charged scene.

nathskywalker April 4 2011, 08:40:45 UTC

It's the first time I've written a really angry Jason and I've been written him for about seven or eight years. I think he is angry a lot after Kyla breaks the news to him but I agree, I think that if she hadn't told him and he'd found out years later, when Allana is much older, he would have regretted losing so much time with her.