for muses_inthesack: 49 tag challenge with banished_dame

[rude_not_ginger]

There's a first time for everything.

Follows this.He couldn't sleep, of course. It wasn't as if he'd truly tried. He'd stripped off his clothes, showered, shaved, puttered about in his jim-jams, but never really found his way to his own bed. His arm didn't hurt nearly so bad anymore, but he couldn't seem to stop his stomach from aching. Too

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[banished_dame]

It wasn't as if she wanted to sleep at all, but she just wanted to be able to let all the thoughts that were swimming around her head making her chest ache just stop for a moment. She wanted the stillness that should come with resting, that should come with finally being able to stop worrying... because what was left to worry over when a person was just gone? She'd headed to her room after leaving the infirmary. Not really wanting to be alone, but knowing that it was far easier to be alone than to be with the Doctor and all the looming questions she had in her mind, she'd opted for solitary confinement to her room. Rose tugged her hair back into a ponytail only to pull it out a few moments later when she couldn't get her head to rest right on the pillow. Fists nudged the ends of it into the pillowcase, but it didn't make much difference. Yanking the covers off she was too hot and tugged the drawstring pants off of her kicking them to the floor before pulling the sheets back up but leaving the blanket down around the foot of the bed.

[rude_not_ginger]

Well, there was no point in trying to be completely quiet. He sighed and pushed the door open a little more so he could see her properly. She looked a little mussed, he could only imagine she'd been sleeping. That was probably the last thing she needed, someone waking her up from a slumber after the sort of day they'd both had.

"Sorry to wake you," he said. "I was just---"

What was he doing? He was in his jim jams, ready for bed, yet he'd never found it. Couldn't even drink his tea and relax. He wanted...well, he wasn't sure what he wanted. Proper rest. He wanted proper rest and he wanted to know she was safe and...if only his mind would stop buzzing at a billion light years a second, he could think how to get what he wanted.

"Making sure you're all right," he finished, lamely.

[banished_dame]

Her head shook lightly when he made mention of her sleeping, "I wasn't..." she offered softly but never really allowed the sentence to finish. It wasn't as if there was really a point to any of the words she said anyway. His own sentence cut off short as well, and the awkward silence between them wasn't one she was even remotely familiar with. Exhaling lightly she smiled at him, it was sweet of him to be concerned really and she didn't want to placate him with meaningless words because she really wasn't okay. Not by any means of the word at all. Shifting up to seated a bit she let her hands fold in her lap for a moment, her eyes staring down at how they laced together and could easily drift apart if she had something else to hold onto. Her bottom lip trembled slightly for a moment, but as she drew it in against her teeth she met his eyes again, "I'm not alright... mean not at all." Her head shook as she allowed her gaze to shift away from his back to her hands, but soon enough she was meeting his eyes again. "I thought I needed to be

[rude_not_ginger]

She sounded hurt. He could hear it in her voice, in the way she breathed. It reminded her of when she would hold back her tears to be brave and the fact that he already knew what it was like to hear her hold back her tears to be brave made him feel positively horrible. No one should have to be like that. Especially not Rose. What had he done to her?

It was that last thought that made him hesitate before moving towards her. He was contaminating her, turning her more and more like him the more he stayed near her. He thought perhaps he should run. Run and run and keep her safe. But that was what she feared, wasn't it? She feared being left behind.

He stepped inside the room and knelt in front of the bed. Not on it, not even really touching it. Just being closer to her.

"If you live long enough, you're always left behind," he said, hating himself a little for the honesty. "And you and I, Rose, we're survivors. In the end we've just got each other. Which is probably not very helpful, is it? I don't think it is."

[banished_dame]

Waiting for words was the one thing she hated the most. She could handle everything else about the Doctor, the silly rambles about nothing, the distracted comments that would really come from nowhere, and the conversations he'd have with himself within a few moments just so he could confirm his own belief that he was right after all. Rose knew all of that and she could depend on it, but waiting for words to be spoken had shattered her so many times before that times like these were the hardest. He'd made her wait to tell her about Dean, he'd made her wait to tell her that she couldn't keep her father alive, made her wait to tell her the one thing she wanted to hear but still never did. She'd wait... just because she knew he'd wait for her, and she'd wait for words but they never came, but hers had. Her had come and still he made her wait

[rude_not_ginger]

He thought that it shouldn't have been difficult to say something like that. Something like 'I love you' or even something similar. He'd cooed the words to the TARDIS before, he even remembered saying them once to a particularly delightful ice cream sundae. But to say them where they meant more than just affection, where they meant love as in the "L is for the way you look at me" sort of way...well, it was terrifying. And he was a coward by trade. Or at least by hobby.

And she did know. He knew she knew. How did he know? He didn't know. It was one of the many mysteries of life, along with how did Rose know he'd had a bad day when his expression looked as jovial as it did the day before when he did have a good day. And where the socks go when he puts them in the wash and---

Any train of thought he might've had was silenced instantly by Rose's mouth on his neck. More than just the breath, which he could handle, it was pressure and warmth and completely unexpected. He didn't have time to control his blood flow to his face,

[banished_dame]

It wasn't the usual application of words he usually had on deck for when she said it, no 'Quite right.' that made her feel like what she'd said was practically useless, in fact the words she heard sounded almost a bit timid, and drawn back with a tremble in the breathlessness of it all. Rose let her mouth hover below his ear, her breath still pressing to his skin, her lips lingering for a moment wondering if she should continue, or just be satisfied with what she'd been given

[rude_not_ginger]

The Doctor did not make a disappointed noise in his throat as she pulled away. To his credit, he was able to control himself and merely accept her slinking away, even if the hand at her back didn't release quite as easily. She needed to rest, not to be...uh, unrestfuled by him. No matter how much he wanted to. And he did, he realized, which was a fairly terrifying thing. There were a lot of terrifying things going on here