♋ 9th Memo [Action + Text]

[beepbeepmeeow]

[A certain black haired, crabby troll emerges from the Catacombs. It had been awhile since he had shown his face in the city. In fact, he had been sent back home for the time being. Which had been nice, he guessed. Even though Karkat had gone home, as he had hoped for (never wanting to be in this city in the first place) now the city was a breath

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Action;

[trolllusus]

[Dolorosa has decided that growing familiar with the area as quick as possible is probably a good idea, and this is what brings her out today to explore the area, taking in the strange architecture and taking time to memorize where everything is.

As she's wandering though, she comes across the troll child looking quite-- Well, the poor thing looked exhausted and...

Oh my. Collecting herself, she approached him, stopping just a few feet away.] Excuse me, but are you quite alright there young man?

[No reason to scare the poor dear.]

[trolllusus]

You'll have to forgive me if I am. Circumstances were not so great when I was abducted from Alternia, so I am not immediately inclined to trust that this is a safe haven of sorts.

[Not that she ever has been in somewhere that's a safe haven, except maybe the caverns before she found a certain mutant grub. She'd been somewhat safe in there, but...

After that? Running and more running while trying to keep herself and her child safe. Either way, they're finally at her hive now, and she unlocks and opens the door, holding it open so he can walk in first.]

[beepbeepmeeow]

[He takes the gesture and walks into her quarters.] So you are from my past?

[Well she couldn't have been from his future...could she? After all Alternia was destroyed by meteors.]

[trolllusus]

Considering the nature of this place, assuming I've understood it correctly, that is quite possibly the case.

[She follows along after him, closing the door and proceeding to take her shoes off before wandering into the living area of the home itself. She has chosen a rather modest home, with a small kitchen and living space, a restroom, and two bedrooms, plus a basement and an attic. It looks clean, even if she hasn't been around for all that long.

Motioning for him to follow to the kitchen, she puts on a bright red apron and starts making something simple for him, that won't take too long. Some sandwiches or something should be alright.] Please sit down and take it easy while I prepare something for you to eat.

It should not take long.

[beepbeepmeeow]

[The home is quaint. Compared to his own home, it is hospitable and clean. His hive...needs to be cleaned. That is neither there or here for that matter. He takes a seat on a nearby couch and slouches over his legs as he waits, dropping his head between his arms. What bad posture.]

[trolllusus]

[She finishes making the sandwiches, placing them on a plate and carrying it over to him.]

Here you go, I apologize for the wait.

[She smiles, and sits on a chair, facing him.] Now. I do believe I had something to tell you about why I'm not like other adults. [She folds her hands in her lap then, and smiles a little, trying to figure out where to start.I suppose I will start at the beginning. I was once tasked with the duty of caring for the mother grub. However, by chance I came across a grub, of quite a unique shade of bright red

[beepbeepmeeow]

[It had started out as him just reaching for a sandwich and began to quietly munch away to feed his hunger. It wasn't until she started talking. He swallowed. He heard the words 'bright red' and suddenly he was all ears. He listened intently. Each word that came out of this trolls mouth stung at him, yet gave him hope.

He wasn't alone. That was the good news. He had an ancestor...well he had to have had one to be here right? Yes. He knew he had, had one, but he wasn't the only one with his blood. He still was but his ancestor had, had his same curse. Yet, his ancestor never saw it as a curse he embraced it for what it was. He didn't know what to really think of her story. Part of him wanted to yell at her and deny that her story was true. Another part of him wanted to hug her close and have her tell him that he was worth something.

He hated this story. Why was the Sufferer...or the Signless...fuck he didn't know. His ancestor. Why did he risk everything just to spread some hopeless word like that. Why would he do that? Because he

[trolllusus]

[She frowns, afraid she might've said too much too soon. But still, he deserved to hear it. Needed to know it. He was the descendant of her beloved child. And though he was not the same, she felt a sense of duty to be sure that he was well taken care of. That he was safe and loved. Because she could feel something no other troll could. A lusus's love for its troll. It might not be the same with Karkat, but still very much there.

So, she stands and walks over to sit next to him, curling her arms around him lightly to give him the option of pulling away if he so wishes, but she's holding him none the less, forehead resting against the top of his head, one hand petting his hair. She's not quite sure what he's feeling. She doesn't even know what she would feel if she had been the one listening to that story.

But regardless, she wants to support him.]

[beepbeepmeeow]

[Instinctively he begins to pull away, but can't bring himself to all the way. Still feeling the sting of frustration he throws the half eaten snack across the room and brings his head into his hands. He seems to relax if only a little as her fingers trail through his hair. His shoulders shake some and his breathing comes in shuddered gasps. It is almost as if he is going to cry, but there are no tears.]

[trolllusus]

[She continues trying to comfort him, not even bothered when the food is thrown across the room. It's much more important to stay with him right now, still petting his hair and rubbing at his back, patting it every now and then, just a light, calming soft of movement as she makes a soft and soothing 'shhh...' sound.]

[beepbeepmeeow]

Fuu..ckkk! [He mutters out in a shuddering breath. His grip at his bangs and tug, not with much force but the message is still present. He is upset.]

Why did you tell me this?

[Finally he speaks.]

[trolllusus]

Because I thought that you of all trolls deserve to know.

[She's still comforting him. She's been around children enough to know when they're upset. Her child might've had a different behavior when he was upset, but the way to comfort a child stays mostly the same. She's still making soft "shhh" sounds and rubbing his back, holding him a little tighter, but still loosely enough for him to pull away if he so wishes.]

[beepbeepmeeow]

I didn't need to know it. I could've have gone on fine without ever knowing about him. My ancestor.

[At that last line his voice drops to a whisper. The word is foreign to him. The only ancestor he ever heard about was Mindfang, when Vriska decided to blather on about how great she was. He knew he had one but he never knew to what extent.]

[trolllusus]

Maybe. But fate did not wish for it to go that way and now you know, both his story and my own.

[Maybe she shouldn't have told him. Maybe it would have been better. But. She thought it important that he did know. What they had started. What her child had started. A change she hoped to see within the young trolls in the city, a change steered by someone, something. And this child, like an answer to prayers she'd never said.

Still, all she can to to comfort is hug him, soothe him. Not like a friend of anything else, but like a lusus. Because that is the only thing she knows how to be. Anything else was just rendered unimportant after everything. All she wanted to be was a support to those around her.]

[beepbeepmeeow]

No! [Now his voice was getting a bit shaky.]

I didn't want this! Fuck! I'm sounding like a whiny grub! I hate him! I hate myself! This sucks! Why did you want me to know it!? I can't be what he is!?

[Now there are small tears in the corner of his eyes.]

It's my fault! It all is! I caused them to die. I wasn't a good leader. Fuck!

[Falling down his cheeks they are.]

[trolllusus]

No one expects you to be the same. I certainly don't expect you to be anyone else than yourself.

[She pulls back a little as she says this, to wipe his tears away gently, looking quite sad herself, because while this might not be her child, it is the descendant of her child, and it kind of hurts knowing that he hates himself like this.

That he's so angry, like he was in the end. Almost like some sort of extension of his rage.] And the responsibilities of a leader is something much too heavy for such small shoulders to bear just yet.

[She can tell he feels guilt though, for the ones who have died. She might not understand just his situation, but. At least he is a leader who cares for his followers. She hugs him close again then, petting his hair.]