Fic: Distance

[bookish_brownie]

Title: Distance
Author: bookish_brownie
Format and Word Count: drabble, exactly 100 words!!
Rating: PG
Prompt: 3, distance
Warning: none
Summary: Remus and Tonks grow closer.
Author's Note: This is my first drabble. I struggled a lot with it, and I would love constructive criticism.

In July they sat at opposite ends of the table at dinner.

In September

Comments

[carnivalgirl]

I love short stuff! This was adorable, my favourite line has to be "By January there was no space between them at all". Lovely, lovely! All the lines have a great quality, though, I think.

[bookish_brownie]

Thank you so much! I liked the original idea I had, but I was worried that I didn't hit quite the right note.

[iamweebles]

Ah, what a lovely little drabble and a great interpretation of the prompt!

My only concrit would be that I think the last paragraph is a little unnecessary. It doesn't really echo the distance metaphor of the rest of the piece as it's written. I think part of it is that because it starts with "They were right." it seems to be going off in a different direction, and isn't as strong as the rest.

[bookish_brownie]

Thank you! I felt the same way about the last paragraph; I just wasn't sure how else to end it.

[iamweebles]

How about instead of starting it with They were right - which you don't need to say, because it would be more effective if you showed it (the old show don't tell mantra), start off with something that echoes the progression of time that you've set up earlier, like

In June the distance between them was measured in misery and miles, but they were never completely apart.

And when June came around again, skin to skin they touched, renewed.

something along those lines?

[bookish_brownie]

Something like that would have been much better. Thanks!

[katyhasclogs]

I really like the idea of distance as a premise for a drabble. Great work!