Comments | rt_challenge: Fic: Of Muggle Clubs and Discos

bookish_brownie in rt_challenge

Fic: Of Muggle Clubs and Discos

Mar 02, 2008 18:07

Title: Of Muggle Clubs and Discos
Author: bookish_brownie
Format and Word Count: ficlet, 694
Rating: PG
Prompt: 2, picture of woman's hair
Warning: none, except unbetaed and un-Britpicked
Summary: Tonks has a late night conversation with Remus.
Author's Note: I would love to get constructive criticism on this. I especially feel like the end is a little ( Read more... )

bookish_brownie, prompt 2

Comments 10

huffle_the_puff March 2 2008, 23:40:33 UTC

I'm stealing your fic's comment virginity, lol. I love this, it's so cute! And blushing Remus! Yay!

bookish_brownie March 2 2008, 23:42:44 UTC

Thank you!

pinkhairedauror March 3 2008, 01:02:55 UTC

*sniggers* mmm I love the take on the prompt. AND the way he managed to crack her up and lift her mood! Admittedly, it doesn't take TOO much to do that, but it's still nice that he can, and he WILL.

And he will ask her on that date. That must have been... enjoyable. In a very Remus-like way.

Nice work!

bookish_brownie March 3 2008, 01:33:20 UTC

Thank you! This didn't turn out at all like I thought it would, but Remus told me that he just had to ask her out.

sspring92 March 3 2008, 04:09:09 UTC

I'm sure the image of Sirius in a powder blue polyester leisure suit shall pop into my head at inopportune moments! Oh, And I may have to steal your icon!

bookish_brownie March 3 2008, 04:14:20 UTC

Yes, I thought that image was particularly amusing myself.

iamweebles March 3 2008, 23:34:13 UTC

I didn't find the end abrupt at all, and it's a great image of Sirius. I also like the casual tone of the conversation between the two of them, very much a feeling of coworkers sort of shooting the breeze and then Remus screwing up his courage when he sees the opportunity to ask her out on a date.

I do wonder though, if right at the beginning, when he says this:

"I hope you enjoyed yourself at least. You give so much of yourself to the Ministry and the Order. You deserve to have some fun with people your own age."

if that's really something that he would say - especially the middle line about giving so much. It's sort of a girly thing to say - I think if a man said it to me, I would think it was a bit smarmy?

bookish_brownie March 4 2008, 01:08:53 UTC

Thank you! I see your point about that line.

shimotsuki March 13 2008, 03:41:18 UTC

I really like this -- the easy banter between them is very natural, and then Remus taking the plunge to ask Tonks out is completely endearing. But I also like the insights into what being in the Order means, the way it makes Tonks feel older than her peers (and this of course is a poignant counterpart to Remus's future hang-up that he is too old for her -- if only he'd remembered this talk!). And I'd love to see a photo of disco Sirius, myself. ;)

I didn't think the ending was too abrupt, at all, but I did have one thought here:

Part of her had been hoping that he would for some time, but she didn’t think it would actually happen. -- This is the first time in the fic that we find out that Tonks is interested in Remus that way. It might be even more fun if there were little clues along the way as they banter back and forth. But this is just a minor point...

bookish_brownie April 4 2008, 19:05:10 UTC

Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you like the banter because that's one of my favorite parts of writing R/T. The image of Sirius in a disco suit came to me out of the blue.

I like your point of including more clues that she's interested in Remus. Maybe I'll revise it sometime.

Thanks again.