Comments | rt_challenge: Conversation- Prompt 5

lupinsmoon12391 in rt_challenge

Conversation- Prompt 5

Jan 16, 2007 02:45

Title: Conversation
Author: lupinsmoon12391
Format & Word Count: Fic; 1626
Rating: PG
Prompt: Prompt 5- Atwood love poem
Warning: Coming out of the werewolf closet, Awkward falls (onto dirty places)
Summary: Tonks decides to get to know Remus a little better through a simple conversation...
Author's Note: Takes place in OotP, before they know each other ( Read more... )

prompt 5

Comments 6

lady_bracknell January 16 2007, 13:25:34 UTC

I liked bits of this a great deal. This exchange: “But-what---How do you know what my definition of love is?”
“Isn't it the same to everyone?” he asked, laughing in that un-funny manner again. and the bits after that, with Remus refusing to talk to her about his lycanthropy and telling her to ask Sirius about it were really good - they cut right to the heart of the problem, I think. I really liked the awkwardness you gave them, too, especially with Tonks doing something so embarrassing (and I loved Remus' line about no man objecting to where she ended up ;) ) - it felt very fitting for how you'd set up their relationship so far. The story about Tonks at school was pretty heart-wrenching, too ( ... )

lupinsmoon12391 January 16 2007, 19:53:23 UTC

Thanks for commenting!

That's the problem with it, isn't it? Not smooth enough. I almost didn't post it, but I figured I could use help. I almost went the direction of Tonks talking to him a bit more, but I felt like that was a overdone, like I'd read it in so many fanfics before. But maybe not the way you suggested. I'll rework it, and I'll take your ideas into account. Thanks again!

eshesh January 16 2007, 21:36:47 UTC

I like your idea of having Remus just blurt out "I'm a werewolf" and Tonks being blindsided by that. It's an interesting avenue to explore, because so many of the fanfics have Tonks already knowing of and accepting the condition before she falls for him.

lupinsmoon12391 January 22 2007, 05:41:24 UTC

Thanks, that's what I was kind of trying to do. Be original-ish, wicka wicka.

devonwood January 16 2007, 23:31:47 UTC

“You've got a good hit.”

“Thank you. Do you find that endearing, too?”

“Terrifying, more like.”

:D Lovely exchange between them. In places, your characterization is spot-on. However, the beginning dialogue is a little rough. Maybe try adding in a little more descriptions into the beginning; what Tonks is feeling, etc.

Very nice idea for hte prompt. :)

lupinsmoon12391 January 22 2007, 05:42:27 UTC

Thanks for your suggestion and the compliment -blush-! Good to know that we were all feeling the same parts were wrong.