LJ Idol 10: Week 3: Brushback pitch

[rswndrlst]

The Begining of The End,
or It's All Just a Matter of Time

1am
The words trip over her tongue.
They wash out into the space between them
Hitting her target slightly left of the center.
She’s smiling;
Blowing hot air over her fingernails
and buffing them on her lapel.
It’s a brush-back pitch,
A challenge,
A dare,
A psych out,
She’s redefining their boundaries.

Comments

[bleodswean]

Ooooooh! Really powerful and a fine response to a difficult prompt. I KNOW this scene!! And it's one that is very hard to capture artistically.

I particularly enjoyed this - Because he liked her purple prose;
And kept his own quill sharpened.

GREAT work!

[rswndrlst]

Thank you! I'm so relieved it worked! I am also grateful for your encouraging comments!! I have been so inspired this season and I'm not ready to be out yet but I'm super nervous with the vote this week because I totally took a chance with this one.

[rayaso]

Such a good poem! I especially liked "The sound of a needle skipped on a vinyl record." It was very evocative.

[rswndrlst]

Thank you so much! This is such inspiring feedback!

[j0ydivided]

I really enjoyed this -- it's experimental, but it works really well.

[rswndrlst]

Yay! Thank you!!

[magazhchi]

Because he kindled the fire of her passion,

Because he liked her purple prose;

And kept his own quill sharpened.

Loved it. Amazing take!

[rswndrlst]

Thank you! and I'm so glad that line resonates

[encrefloue]

Very well done. Loved the structure, the pace, the way you wrapped symbols around the two characters like pieces of armor before their battle. Excellent!

[rswndrlst]

Thanks so much for reading! and I'm so flatterd by this feedback because your song is so good, lyrics and performance!

[encrefloue]

That's so kind of you! Thanks for checking out my entry!