Bonus Fic: When We Kiss They're Perfectly Aligned for susan5124
Title: When We Kiss They're Perfectly Aligned
Author: liseuse
Recipient: susan5124
Rating: R, but for swearing.
Word Count: 2,050
Summary: Getting drunk leads to misunderstandings and hiding under beds.
Author's notes: Written as a bonus fic for susan5124 and thus unbetaed. I hope you enjoy it! The title is from The Postal Service's Such Great Heights. Any errors/typos? Please let me know!
"Oh, Circe's stockings." Remus groaned to himself as he opened his eyes. "Never drinking again."
"Bollocks. I've heard you say that one too many times to believe you." Sirius flung an arm out and hauled the duvet back up. "Buggering fuck it's cold."
"Sirius?" Remus said, a little tentatively.
"No, I'm the Giant Squid." Sirius muttered into his pillow.
"Ha!" Remus laughed, somewhat hysterically. "Seriously. Never drinking again."
"No need to sound like it's a hardship having me in your bed moonshine." Sirius said, sounding a little put out. "You seemed enthusiastic enough last night."
"Fuck." Remus gulped. "Fuck, and .... well, fuck."
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, you definitely said that last night. Several times. It was most gratifying." Sirius punched his pillow, and then turned over. "You've gone all red. Feeling all right?"
Remus jumped out of the bed, and ferreted about underneath it. "Fine! Absolutely fine! Just ... seem to be a bit shirtless. But fine!"
"Right," Sirius said, leaning over so he could see Remus under the bed. "You sure? Just, you seem to be hiding under the bed. 's a bit weird."
"No. No. Fine. Just peachy." Remus attempted a smile. "You?"
"Good thanks." Sirius laughed. "Look, all my blood is rushing to my head, and it's not doing my hangover any good. Stay there."
"Wouldn't dream of moving." Remus shuffled a bit further under the bed, and put his head in his arms. "Never ever moving again in fact."
He could hear clunks and bangs from above as Sirius bashed around the room cursing at inanimate objects that had the temerity to be in his way. Then the curtain lifted and a tea tray slid in, followed by some pillows, a duvet, a pack of cigarettes and then Sirius.
Sirius shoved two pillows at Remus, and half the duvet, and then pulled the other half over his legs and leaned back against the pillows. "Do you want some tea?"
"Tea!" Remus squawked. "Tea!"
"You like tea." Sirius said as he lit a cigarette. "You think it soothes nerves and prevents people getting irrational and hysterical. I thought it might come in handy."
Remus groaned, and tried to hide his head under the duvet.
"None of that." Sirius said briskly. "Come on, what's the bloody problem. Why are we hiding under your bed, when we could be snuggled in it?"
"Because, well, because, you'restraightandohGodthatwassuchastupididea." Remus said, very quietly and very quickly and then busied himself with the tea pot.
Sirius frowned. "I caught none of that. Speak clearly and slowly. And address me not the tea cup."
"I said," Remus said, mostly to the tea cup, but slowly enough that Sirius thought he'd let it slide, "that that was a stupid idea."
"Sitting under the bed? I quite agree." Sirius poured himself a cup of tea and handed Remus the cigarette. "But it was your decision."
"Not the sitting under the bed." Remus said a little desperately. "The thing, you know, that came before the sitting under the bed."
"Oh." Sirius said, as he twigged. "Right." He shuffled out from under the duvet and picked his cigarettes up. "Well. I'm sorry you had such a bad time. I apologise." He started to shuffle back out from underneath the bed. Just as he had disappeared from view he pulled the hanging up, and looked in at Remus. "You know, you could have just said. Last night, I mean. I know Gideon was eyeing you up, and if you'd wanted to spend the night with him, you were more than free to do so." The hanging went down, and it sounded as if Sirius had got onto his feet and was pacing around the room. Remus stared at his knees, hoping that the answers to life and everything were to be found in the fleeces of the sheep decorating his pajamas.
"I didn't want to spend the night with Gideon." Remus called out, feeling much braver now he was under the bed on his own.
The hanging went up again, this time on the other side of the bed, and Remus jumped. "Well then why are you being so awful?" Sirius asked. "You're acting like Pete did when he got dumped by that French girl."
"Because ..." Remus faltered, and plucked at a loose thread on the hanging. "You're ..." he gestured, somewhat inexpressively at Sirius and turned bright red. "You're ... well ... you!"
"Right. Good. Glad that's cleared up then." Sirius said angrily and let the hanging fall. There were a few more crashes and bumps and then the sound of the door banging shut.
"Fuck." Remus said quietly. "Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck."
--
"Sirius." Remus said, as he sat down in the chair and took his glasses off. "Could you just sit down for a second? I think we need to talk. About what happened after the party." He cracked the knuckles of his right hand and tugged on his jumper. "I don't really know how to apologise. I feel dreadful for putting you in that situation, and I want you to know that I do not expect it, or, want it," he added hurriedly, "to happen again. It was an unfortunate mistake, but I think we can be grown up enough to get beyond it and maintain our friendship."
He went to put his glasses back on again, and then changed his mind and thumped his forehead onto the table instead. "Twwooo!" said the owl perched on a pile of Potions textbooks.
"Quite." Remus said, and thumped his head on the table again, for good measure. "Fuck."
"Talking to yourself Moony? Sign of madness that." Sirius swung his bag onto the chair next to Remus.
"Oh Jesus!" Remus exclaimed, starting upright. "You scared me you great git."
"I am fearsome." Sirius nodded. "That is the only explanation for the fact that you've been avoiding me for three days." He dropped gracelessly into the chair and banged his knee on the bottom of the table. "Not again!"
Remus smiled reluctantly. "Now you know how I felt when I had that growth spurt in fifth year and couldn't stop knocking into things."
"I look like I've gone three rounds with a centaur." Sirius said grumpily, and rubbed at his knee. "But, seriously. Why the everloving fuck are you avoiding me? It's nearly Christmas, and there's just the two of us here. It's bloody lonely. Don't make me go and hang around with Reggie. I'll end up in Azkaban on a murder charge."
"I'm not ignoring you!" Remus said. Perhaps, he thought to himself, a little too hastily.
"Yeah, and my name's Ethel Higglebottom." Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus. "Ever since that party you've not spent more than five minutes in a room with me."
"Sorry." Remus slouched down in his chair. "I just thought it would be, y'know, the best thing to do."
Sirius stared at Remus and then looked at the owl. "You going to be any help Xenophon?" The owl looked on impassively and then began to preen. "No. Right. I'm on my own decoding the mystery of Mister Moony then. Thanks a lot. See if I slip you any more treats on the sly."
"It was you." Remus looked a little triumphant at that. "I told Lil'. I said it was you."
"Well don't let on. I like having a friend in Xenophon. Canny bird that one. Almost as canny as his owner." Sirius reached out and let Xenophon nibble at his fingertips. "Stop changing the subject. You were wittering something about it being the 'best thing to do.' Best thing for who? And why?"
"Do we have to talk about it?" Remus mumbled into his collar.
"Yes." Sirius said emphatically, and reached over to tug the neck of Remus's jumper down. "We do."
"Oh, hell." Remus took his glasses off and exhaled heavily.
--
"Wait ... wait!" Sirius gasped through his fits of laughter. "So, you're saying you've been avoiding me for three days because you thought you forced me into bed at wandpoint and that our friendship was going to be ruined because I'm straight."
"Yes." Remus said through gritted teeth. "It was a perfectly reasonable sort of a thing to do. And to think. I do not see why you seem to find it so hilarious."
Sirius clutched at his stomach and tried to sit up. "Sorry!" He finally managed to subdue his chortling and wiped some tears away from his eyes. "It's just that I've spent the past year making puppy-eyes at you. And the past six months sneaking off with Padraig Cadwalladder." Just saying the name seemed to send Sirius back into a fit of hysterics.
"Oh." Remus said. And looked at Xenophon. "And I suppose you knew about this, didn't you?"
Xenophon looked Remus directly in the eyes, and cawed slightly dismissively.
Sirius snickered. "I think the whole of Gryffindor knew. Apart from you, obviously."
"Obviously." Remus smiled tightly and stood up. "Well. Now that's all cleared up I think I'm going to go and jump in the lake. I'm sure that the Giant Squid would like some company."
"I'd like the company more." Sirius said softly and pushed his chair back so that he could stand up right in front of Remus. "I meant it. It's been lonely without you. And I really have been making puppy-eyes at you, and I was only messing around with Cadwalladder because I thought you fancied Gideon, and because I thought you knew that I fancied you and were ignoring me so that you didn't have to let me down."
"You are an idiot." Remus said, and ran his hands through his hair. "My great unrequited crush on you has been the great joke of seventh year. Well, of James, Lil', Peter and Gideon anyway. And probably Mirabel. Lil' isn't great at keeping secrets."
Sirius's face lit up. "Really? Really and truly. Not just 'yes, Sirius, really, now go away because I promised Gideon I'd meet him in the astronomy stores'?"
Remus laughed. "Really really." He frowned. "What is it with you and imagining me and Gideon together? He's shagging Caradoc Dearborn. Everyone knows that."
"Oh." Sirius shrugged. "Looks like not everyone knows everything that everyone knows. And in the interests of setting records straight and people knowing what they should, please take your seat again." He gestured towards Remus's empty seat.
Remus raised an a eyebrow and sat down, gingerly, on the edge of the chair. "Is this where you say 'Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin'?"
"No?" Sirius said with a confused look, and then sat down himself. "Never mind. I'm sure you'll explain later." He settled back in the chair and took a deep breath. "Look, Remus, I like you. Like you like you. You didn't force me into bed with you. I wanted to go. In fact I want to go and do it all over again. Circe's bells, I want to do it again and again and again until we're one hundred and forty five, grey haired and can't remember our own names. It was the best Christmas present anyone has ever given me. And I'd like to get it again and again and again. Just so we're clear. And everything." Sirius's cheeks had turned the approximate colour of tomato soup during his speech, and he started to tug at an imaginary thread on his chair.
Remus suspected that his cheeks might be the same shade as Sirius's. "Clarity is good." He swallowed loudly. "Again you say?"
"Again." Sirius nodded vehemently. "Right now would be good."
"Right now it is then." Remus stood up and smiled. "Heavens above. Sirius Black coming to bed with me." He bit his lip and tugged Sirius up from the chair and towards the door.
Xenophon stared after them, made a sound that resembled a snigger, and went back to preening himself.
Author: liseuse
Recipient: susan5124
Rating: R, but for swearing.
Word Count: 2,050
Summary: Getting drunk leads to misunderstandings and hiding under beds.
Author's notes: Written as a bonus fic for susan5124 and thus unbetaed. I hope you enjoy it! The title is from The Postal Service's Such Great Heights. Any errors/typos? Please let me know!
"Oh, Circe's stockings." Remus groaned to himself as he opened his eyes. "Never drinking again."
"Bollocks. I've heard you say that one too many times to believe you." Sirius flung an arm out and hauled the duvet back up. "Buggering fuck it's cold."
"Sirius?" Remus said, a little tentatively.
"No, I'm the Giant Squid." Sirius muttered into his pillow.
"Ha!" Remus laughed, somewhat hysterically. "Seriously. Never drinking again."
"No need to sound like it's a hardship having me in your bed moonshine." Sirius said, sounding a little put out. "You seemed enthusiastic enough last night."
"Fuck." Remus gulped. "Fuck, and .... well, fuck."
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, you definitely said that last night. Several times. It was most gratifying." Sirius punched his pillow, and then turned over. "You've gone all red. Feeling all right?"
Remus jumped out of the bed, and ferreted about underneath it. "Fine! Absolutely fine! Just ... seem to be a bit shirtless. But fine!"
"Right," Sirius said, leaning over so he could see Remus under the bed. "You sure? Just, you seem to be hiding under the bed. 's a bit weird."
"No. No. Fine. Just peachy." Remus attempted a smile. "You?"
"Good thanks." Sirius laughed. "Look, all my blood is rushing to my head, and it's not doing my hangover any good. Stay there."
"Wouldn't dream of moving." Remus shuffled a bit further under the bed, and put his head in his arms. "Never ever moving again in fact."
He could hear clunks and bangs from above as Sirius bashed around the room cursing at inanimate objects that had the temerity to be in his way. Then the curtain lifted and a tea tray slid in, followed by some pillows, a duvet, a pack of cigarettes and then Sirius.
Sirius shoved two pillows at Remus, and half the duvet, and then pulled the other half over his legs and leaned back against the pillows. "Do you want some tea?"
"Tea!" Remus squawked. "Tea!"
"You like tea." Sirius said as he lit a cigarette. "You think it soothes nerves and prevents people getting irrational and hysterical. I thought it might come in handy."
Remus groaned, and tried to hide his head under the duvet.
"None of that." Sirius said briskly. "Come on, what's the bloody problem. Why are we hiding under your bed, when we could be snuggled in it?"
"Because, well, because, you'restraightandohGodthatwassuchastupididea." Remus said, very quietly and very quickly and then busied himself with the tea pot.
Sirius frowned. "I caught none of that. Speak clearly and slowly. And address me not the tea cup."
"I said," Remus said, mostly to the tea cup, but slowly enough that Sirius thought he'd let it slide, "that that was a stupid idea."
"Sitting under the bed? I quite agree." Sirius poured himself a cup of tea and handed Remus the cigarette. "But it was your decision."
"Not the sitting under the bed." Remus said a little desperately. "The thing, you know, that came before the sitting under the bed."
"Oh." Sirius said, as he twigged. "Right." He shuffled out from under the duvet and picked his cigarettes up. "Well. I'm sorry you had such a bad time. I apologise." He started to shuffle back out from underneath the bed. Just as he had disappeared from view he pulled the hanging up, and looked in at Remus. "You know, you could have just said. Last night, I mean. I know Gideon was eyeing you up, and if you'd wanted to spend the night with him, you were more than free to do so." The hanging went down, and it sounded as if Sirius had got onto his feet and was pacing around the room. Remus stared at his knees, hoping that the answers to life and everything were to be found in the fleeces of the sheep decorating his pajamas.
"I didn't want to spend the night with Gideon." Remus called out, feeling much braver now he was under the bed on his own.
The hanging went up again, this time on the other side of the bed, and Remus jumped. "Well then why are you being so awful?" Sirius asked. "You're acting like Pete did when he got dumped by that French girl."
"Because ..." Remus faltered, and plucked at a loose thread on the hanging. "You're ..." he gestured, somewhat inexpressively at Sirius and turned bright red. "You're ... well ... you!"
"Right. Good. Glad that's cleared up then." Sirius said angrily and let the hanging fall. There were a few more crashes and bumps and then the sound of the door banging shut.
"Fuck." Remus said quietly. "Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck."
--
"Sirius." Remus said, as he sat down in the chair and took his glasses off. "Could you just sit down for a second? I think we need to talk. About what happened after the party." He cracked the knuckles of his right hand and tugged on his jumper. "I don't really know how to apologise. I feel dreadful for putting you in that situation, and I want you to know that I do not expect it, or, want it," he added hurriedly, "to happen again. It was an unfortunate mistake, but I think we can be grown up enough to get beyond it and maintain our friendship."
He went to put his glasses back on again, and then changed his mind and thumped his forehead onto the table instead. "Twwooo!" said the owl perched on a pile of Potions textbooks.
"Quite." Remus said, and thumped his head on the table again, for good measure. "Fuck."
"Talking to yourself Moony? Sign of madness that." Sirius swung his bag onto the chair next to Remus.
"Oh Jesus!" Remus exclaimed, starting upright. "You scared me you great git."
"I am fearsome." Sirius nodded. "That is the only explanation for the fact that you've been avoiding me for three days." He dropped gracelessly into the chair and banged his knee on the bottom of the table. "Not again!"
Remus smiled reluctantly. "Now you know how I felt when I had that growth spurt in fifth year and couldn't stop knocking into things."
"I look like I've gone three rounds with a centaur." Sirius said grumpily, and rubbed at his knee. "But, seriously. Why the everloving fuck are you avoiding me? It's nearly Christmas, and there's just the two of us here. It's bloody lonely. Don't make me go and hang around with Reggie. I'll end up in Azkaban on a murder charge."
"I'm not ignoring you!" Remus said. Perhaps, he thought to himself, a little too hastily.
"Yeah, and my name's Ethel Higglebottom." Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus. "Ever since that party you've not spent more than five minutes in a room with me."
"Sorry." Remus slouched down in his chair. "I just thought it would be, y'know, the best thing to do."
Sirius stared at Remus and then looked at the owl. "You going to be any help Xenophon?" The owl looked on impassively and then began to preen. "No. Right. I'm on my own decoding the mystery of Mister Moony then. Thanks a lot. See if I slip you any more treats on the sly."
"It was you." Remus looked a little triumphant at that. "I told Lil'. I said it was you."
"Well don't let on. I like having a friend in Xenophon. Canny bird that one. Almost as canny as his owner." Sirius reached out and let Xenophon nibble at his fingertips. "Stop changing the subject. You were wittering something about it being the 'best thing to do.' Best thing for who? And why?"
"Do we have to talk about it?" Remus mumbled into his collar.
"Yes." Sirius said emphatically, and reached over to tug the neck of Remus's jumper down. "We do."
"Oh, hell." Remus took his glasses off and exhaled heavily.
--
"Wait ... wait!" Sirius gasped through his fits of laughter. "So, you're saying you've been avoiding me for three days because you thought you forced me into bed at wandpoint and that our friendship was going to be ruined because I'm straight."
"Yes." Remus said through gritted teeth. "It was a perfectly reasonable sort of a thing to do. And to think. I do not see why you seem to find it so hilarious."
Sirius clutched at his stomach and tried to sit up. "Sorry!" He finally managed to subdue his chortling and wiped some tears away from his eyes. "It's just that I've spent the past year making puppy-eyes at you. And the past six months sneaking off with Padraig Cadwalladder." Just saying the name seemed to send Sirius back into a fit of hysterics.
"Oh." Remus said. And looked at Xenophon. "And I suppose you knew about this, didn't you?"
Xenophon looked Remus directly in the eyes, and cawed slightly dismissively.
Sirius snickered. "I think the whole of Gryffindor knew. Apart from you, obviously."
"Obviously." Remus smiled tightly and stood up. "Well. Now that's all cleared up I think I'm going to go and jump in the lake. I'm sure that the Giant Squid would like some company."
"I'd like the company more." Sirius said softly and pushed his chair back so that he could stand up right in front of Remus. "I meant it. It's been lonely without you. And I really have been making puppy-eyes at you, and I was only messing around with Cadwalladder because I thought you fancied Gideon, and because I thought you knew that I fancied you and were ignoring me so that you didn't have to let me down."
"You are an idiot." Remus said, and ran his hands through his hair. "My great unrequited crush on you has been the great joke of seventh year. Well, of James, Lil', Peter and Gideon anyway. And probably Mirabel. Lil' isn't great at keeping secrets."
Sirius's face lit up. "Really? Really and truly. Not just 'yes, Sirius, really, now go away because I promised Gideon I'd meet him in the astronomy stores'?"
Remus laughed. "Really really." He frowned. "What is it with you and imagining me and Gideon together? He's shagging Caradoc Dearborn. Everyone knows that."
"Oh." Sirius shrugged. "Looks like not everyone knows everything that everyone knows. And in the interests of setting records straight and people knowing what they should, please take your seat again." He gestured towards Remus's empty seat.
Remus raised an a eyebrow and sat down, gingerly, on the edge of the chair. "Is this where you say 'Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin'?"
"No?" Sirius said with a confused look, and then sat down himself. "Never mind. I'm sure you'll explain later." He settled back in the chair and took a deep breath. "Look, Remus, I like you. Like you like you. You didn't force me into bed with you. I wanted to go. In fact I want to go and do it all over again. Circe's bells, I want to do it again and again and again until we're one hundred and forty five, grey haired and can't remember our own names. It was the best Christmas present anyone has ever given me. And I'd like to get it again and again and again. Just so we're clear. And everything." Sirius's cheeks had turned the approximate colour of tomato soup during his speech, and he started to tug at an imaginary thread on his chair.
Remus suspected that his cheeks might be the same shade as Sirius's. "Clarity is good." He swallowed loudly. "Again you say?"
"Again." Sirius nodded vehemently. "Right now would be good."
"Right now it is then." Remus stood up and smiled. "Heavens above. Sirius Black coming to bed with me." He bit his lip and tugged Sirius up from the chair and towards the door.
Xenophon stared after them, made a sound that resembled a snigger, and went back to preening himself.