Fic: If Wishes Were Horses for carmine_ink
Title: If Wishes Were Horses
Author: molsymo
Written for: carmine_ink
Rating: Under 13, for language
Prompt: Christmas in a foreign country (and kinda Non-magic AU - Remus and Sirius as college roommates)
Summary: Remus thinks that he’s not going to make it eight more days like this.
Remus wakes very early Saturday morning to the sound of faint rustling and the smell of cigarette smoke. He is confused momentarily by the smell, because he is still in the midst of a dream in which his long-deceased godmother is teaching him how to blow smoke circles. It isn’t until he’s properly awake that he realises that he’s in Athens, not Bristol, and that Sirius is sitting in that uncomfortable chair in the corner of his guest room, smoking and watching him sleep.
He rubs at his eyes and raises himself to his elbows. "What the fuck are you doing?" he asks.
Sirius shrugs, pulling another long drag from his cigarette before gesturing vaguely with his smoking hand. "Didn’t see you today," he replies, as if that answers anything.
Remus can smell alcohol underneath the sweetness of the cigarette, and realises that his friend is probably drunk. "No, of course not. Where were you, then?" he huffs.
Another shrug. Remus sits up properly and takes a deep breath through his nose, his patience already gone. "Look," he says, "I don’t care. Just - whatever you are doing, do it tomorrow, yea? - or were you planning to abandon me again?"
Sirius opens his mouth, some miserable excuse surely about to emerge, but Remus cuts him off: "Nevermind. Reggie was perfectly good company, for a snot-nosed prick. Plays decent chess, at least."
Sirius finally has the decency to look abashed. He shakes his head. "No. Look, my mum -"
"I don’t care!" Remus yells, then blinks and pulls temper back. He’d meant to be civil and cool when he finally saw Sirius, to tell him that he’s been a prick and then piss off. Remus doesn’t like to yell. "Why don’t I just go back, alright? You can bring me to the train tomorrow; I’d be back in Cambridge by New Years. That way your family won’t have to put up with me and we can go back to you ignoring me like usual."
Sirius gapes at this, so Remus rolls his eyes and drops back against the bed. "Just fuck off. I’m too tired for this."
He can hear Sirius move heavily against the chair, and then his cigarette sizzles out against something - probably the windowsill. The room is silent for a few moments and Remus, despite his constant hypersensitivity to Sirius’ presence, starts to dream about green octopuses.
He is brought back to reality by Sirius clearing his throat. "I haven’t been ignoring you," Sirius says quietly, "and I don’t want you to go back."
"Then stop ignoring me," he mutters, but Sirius is already out of the door.
Even as Sirius asked him, Remus had known that he should give the invitation more thought. Now three days before the trip, he still can’t figure out what the hell he’d been thinking when he’d accepted immediately. He’d known perfectly well that it would only lead to disaster; that Sirius’ relationship with his family is tenuous at best; that his invitation was likely extended without the permission of his parents. He’d also known that Lily is staying over the holiday. They’d become close in the past months, despite her unwillingness to accept his friendships with “those bloody nuisances" Potter and Pettigrew. Just last week they’d had a brilliant time sneaking into the lab and drinking the cider the second years were making for their chem club. Why would he choose the haughty and miserable Black family over such an incredible redhead (that James would post Remus’ head on the bridge of sighs an obvious aside)?
He’d be much happier alone in Cambridge for Christmas than with Sirius’ family; yet, he’d said yes. It’s just - he’s hasn’t been to Greece yet, and Sirius has promised that they’ll drive over to the ruins in Olympia, and he can’t help but think that if he could just spend a few days alone with Sirius then maybe, maybe, he’ll be able to suss out what the hell happened between them to prompt Sirius to all but avoid him since term began in October.
He doesn’t speak to Sirius at all the next day, spending the day of Christmas Eve in a furious sulk. He leaves the villa early and walks past the bustling shops of Kolonaki and up the slopes of Lycabettus Hill, at one point daydreaming about throwing Sirius down the tiny mountain. It is a very satisfying fantasy. The exercise and the incredible view of Athens helps him cool off, but when he returns for dinner he still ignores the feeble, apologetic smile that Sirius flashes him. He knows that he is being childish; yet, he is too still brassed off about his friend’s ridiculous mood swings to give way to any reconciliation. The family eats in near silence, and even Lady Black’s backhanded comments, which she normally doles out to himself and Sirius with glee, are absent. He excuses himself early, and spends an hour or so in the dusty library before going to his room, marvelling at the early 16th century Latin copy of the Nuremberg Chronicle and at various 12th and 13th century maps that he is sure no one in the Black family has ever bothered to even touch.
It hasn’t been all that terrible of a day, but certainly it feels like it. He hates being angry at Sirius, hates the tension that has been added to their already confusing-enough relationship. He wishes they could go back to before the summer hols, or even to four days ago, when he first arrived at the villa in Athens. He wishes he understood what had happened to their friendship; to what he thought was turning into something else. But, as the saying could go: if wishes were horses, lovesick fools would ride.
He arrives on Tuesday evening, five days before Christmas. Athens feels like a carnival to Remus, with all the lights and the carousel and the astonishing number of people merrily wandering the streets, and Sirius, ecstatic at Remus’ arrival, insists immediately that they go out to experience the streets of Athens and visit a few of Sirius’ old stomping grounds.
They end up in a bustling club, full of beautiful and wealthy Greeks whom, like Sirius, have all just returned from Uni and are intent on enjoying the holiday to its fullest. Despite his initial reluctance, it is better than Remus had expected, not only because Sirius doesn’t immediately pick up an old girlfriend and leave him to fend for himself. Instead they find a small table in a corner and drink and talk as they always have, as if they hadn’t just spend three tense months walking on glass around each other for no apparent reason. Remus is overwhelmingly grateful for the respite and hopes desperately that Sirius does not notice.
Several of Sirius’ school friends discover them around midnight, and it is suddenly a party at their cramped table. Remus is squished up against Sirius but finds himself in an animated conversation with a couple who are studying in Athens and hope to move to Britain together after their courses finish. He can hear Sirius speaking in subdued Greek to the pretty girl next to him and is pathetically disheartened, but finds that his ridiculous jealousy is unfounded when Sirius throws an arm over his shoulders and introduces her as his cousin Theano.
Many rounds are consumed, and Remus is somehow persuaded by Sirius and his cousin to dance somewhere around 1:30. By the time leave the club it is 4:45, and both Sirius and Remus are stumbling drunk. Sirius, ever the affectionate drunk, keeps his arm around Remus’ shoulders as they walk back to the villa and repeatedly tells Remus how much he loves him and how glad he is that he’s come. Remus repeats the sentiments with equal fervour, and for once doesn’t mind that his words are painfully sincere.
Christmas morning, for which Remus had planned to remain locked in his room and reread The Quiet American, instead begins with Sirius jumping on his bed and pushing him to the floor.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" he yells as he attempts to extricate himself from his sheets.
"Getting you up," Sirius says smugly. "Come on, we’re taking a trip."
Remus stands and, dumbfounded, checks his watch. It is 6:40. "A trip? A trip? Are you daft?" His voice elevates to an embarrassing level, but the incredulous rant formulating in his head is cut-off when Sirius clasps a hand roughly over Remus mouth.
"Shut up," he hisses. “We’re not going anywhere if you wake my parents. You wanted to see Olympia, we’re getting the fuck out of this house and going to see Olympia before anyone can stop me."
"Stop you-?" Remus starts to question from behind Sirius’ hand, but thinks better of it at Sirius’ murderous glare. Sirius’ hand smells like smoke. He doesn’t understand what the hell is going on, but pulls away and starts dressing nonetheless. He doesn’t know what Sirius is trying to do, nor what Sirius’ parents have to do with sudden trip. It occurs to him that Sirius might actually be bringing him to the train depot, so in a moment of prescience he grabs his pack and throws his book, wallet, an extra pair of pants and his jumper in there, just in case.
Sirius stares out the window as he gets ready, so Remus has to clear his throat to get his attention when he’s dressed. Sirius looks at him with darkened eyes, nods and walks out of the room without a word, leaving Remus to follow him. Sirius goes so far in his effort to escape quietly as to release the emergency brake and push his tiny car in neutral to the street before starting it up. As soon as they are on the road Remus falls back into dreams of building bookcases, so nothing is said between them until they are well out of the city.
They play footie with a few of Sirius’ friends Wednesday afternoon, after they’ve sobered up; Remus has a brilliant time with Sirius and all his friends. Only a few of the girls, who spend the game chatting on the sidelines, are anything but friendly towards him. They have to return to the villa for supper, which is a formal and strained affair, but as soon as Lady Black has finished questioning Remus over his choice of studies and recommending that he and Sirius go into banking as her husband has, they flee back to the city. They sneak into the National Garden to see the monkeys and then wander down to Plaka and the Acropolis, before meeting up with more of Sirius’ friends for the night. It is another very good night, and when he stumbles into bed much later he wonders how it is possible that he and Sirius were ever awkward with each other.
On Thursday, of course, it all changes. Remus wakes up late in the morning, and as he makes his way down to the kitchen he overhears Sirius being lectured in Greek by his mother. When they meet in the kitchen twenty minutes later, Sirius has completely transformed. He is stoically reserved and polite to Remus, especially around any of his family, and once again refuses to look him in the eye. There is no game of footie or adventuring through the streets to be had; instead they go to the cinema to see a poorly dubbed American movie that Remus cannot follow. That evening before dinner Sirius tells him that they cannot go out for the night and that is perhaps best to simply relax for the evening. It is such a drastic change that it is painful for Remus to even witness. He skips the relaxing and instead goes to bed early, utterly confused.
On Friday, Sirius disappears. Lady Black refuses to give any indication as to where he has gone, choosing rather to suggest that Regulus might be in need of a chess partner. And so, Remus passes most of his day discussing the policies of Margaret Thatcher and Konstantinos Karamanlis over several tense games of chess with the most arrogant and obstinate teenager he’s ever met. Remus is frankly at a loss at what to do otherwise; Sirius has not disappeared without a word like this since their first week of rooming together at St. John’s.
He knows perfectly well that Sirius’ mother is to blame for this horrible metamorphosis, yet he cannot help but be angry at Sirius as well for falling prey. He wonders masochistically if he had been too obvious, to either Sirius or his mother, and that Sirius’ withdrawal is due to the discovery of Remus’ secret. It doesn’t explain, however, the awkwardness of the past three months but the thought is enough to make Remus nauseated. He manages to keep his anger and panic to himself, however, and beats Regulus soundly in 3 games to 1.
That evening he skips dinner, unable to face Lady Black in either Sirius’ presence or absence, and instead chooses to sneak into the kitchen by himself and sweet-talk one of the cooks into giving him a cheese toastie. He goes to bed as early as he had the night before, and thinks that he’s not going to make it eight more days like this.
Sirius is the first to break the silence. "I think that you had it right," he says.
They are driving through a hillside village about an hour and a half out of Athens. There is no one on the road - it is too early on Christmas morning for many people to be out - and Remus cannot remember the last time he’s seen a place so quiet. He looks over at Sirius, taking a few moments to deliberate on whether to take the bait. As always, his curiosity wins out. "How so?"
Sirius’ eyes flicker towards him. "It would probably be best if you went back."
Remus snaps upright in his seat, his neck and jaw involuntarily clenching. "What?"
"My mum," Sirius continues, finally glancing guiltily at Remus, "hates you. She thinks - well, she thinks you’ve changed me, I suppose. She doesn’t want me to associate with you."
"Your mum," Remus parrots, too humiliated to think of anything else to say. He slides back against the door, as far as he can possibly bring himself from Sirius in the tiny car. "I -"
"I know I’ve been a crap mate this week. I’m sorry. When you’d said you were staying at Uni for the holidays I thought it would be good for us to catch up; I didn’t want you to be alone. I never meant to - my mum, she found out that -"
"Have I changed you?" Remus asks, not at all comprehending Sirius’ rambling.
"Yes!" Sirius exclaims and bangs a hand against the wheel, "of course you have! It’s a good thing, too; I hated who I was when we met. But I never meant to - I mean - listen, Remus, I’ve had a hard time this term," he acknowledges finally.
"I’ve noticed," Remus deadpans, and Sirius visibly flinches.
"Fuck."
Remus glances at Sirius’ hands, which he thinks are gripping the wheel a bit too tightly. "Sirius - I don’t understand," he says carefully. "What have I done?"
"Nothing! Nothing wrong, it’s just -" Sirius’ control is deteriorating, his driving a bit too jerky for safety. Remus thinks about suggesting they stop for a moment, until - "It’d be better if you went home. My mum thinks I’m in love with you and it’d be easier to convince her that I’m not if you were gone."
Oh, how the world can bottom out in one moment. Remus stares at his friend, feeling dizzy at weight that has settled in his stomach. "Are you?" he asks with a bit of difficulty.
Sirius doesn’t look at him. "I don’t - I don’t know. I might. Is that -"
Remus interrupts him by laughing: an insane, desperate sound Remus cannot prevent from bubbling up. "Stop the car," he wheezes when he can get a breath in, and then doubles over again. It is too much for him - all this time, months of tension and uncertainty -
Sirius looks stricken but obeys, pulling over as soon as there is space to do so. He kills the ignition as Remus catches his breath, and drops his forehead against the wheel. "Remus -"
"Right," Remus says, finally settling down. "I’ll go, but on two conditions."
Sirius nods, his forehead rubbing against the wheel. "I won’t bother you anymore, I promise, but please -"
"No," Remus stops him, and on impulse pulls his feet up and shifts backwards a bit. "First, I’m not going back to your villa tonight. We’re finding somewhere else to stay. Someplace posh," he says and Sirius’ head pops up, his eyes scrunched in confusion. Remus laughs a bit more, feeling utterly daft, and pulls himself up onto his knees.
"Second," he starts, but then shifts and throws one leg over the emergency break and into the gap between Sirius’ legs. Sirius gasps, expecting the worst, but then looks at him with something like wonder as Remus finishes the motion and plants his legs on either side of Sirius’ lap.
It takes only a moment for Sirius to put his hands on Remus’ back and pull him down. Laughter bubbles up again, and as they pull apart they have both succumbed to it. "Remus," he says, smiling widely.
"Second," Remus says and leans his forehead against Sirius’. "When you come back to Cambridge, we’re having a long talk about how to show people you care."
Author: molsymo
Written for: carmine_ink
Rating: Under 13, for language
Prompt: Christmas in a foreign country (and kinda Non-magic AU - Remus and Sirius as college roommates)
Summary: Remus thinks that he’s not going to make it eight more days like this.
Remus wakes very early Saturday morning to the sound of faint rustling and the smell of cigarette smoke. He is confused momentarily by the smell, because he is still in the midst of a dream in which his long-deceased godmother is teaching him how to blow smoke circles. It isn’t until he’s properly awake that he realises that he’s in Athens, not Bristol, and that Sirius is sitting in that uncomfortable chair in the corner of his guest room, smoking and watching him sleep.
He rubs at his eyes and raises himself to his elbows. "What the fuck are you doing?" he asks.
Sirius shrugs, pulling another long drag from his cigarette before gesturing vaguely with his smoking hand. "Didn’t see you today," he replies, as if that answers anything.
Remus can smell alcohol underneath the sweetness of the cigarette, and realises that his friend is probably drunk. "No, of course not. Where were you, then?" he huffs.
Another shrug. Remus sits up properly and takes a deep breath through his nose, his patience already gone. "Look," he says, "I don’t care. Just - whatever you are doing, do it tomorrow, yea? - or were you planning to abandon me again?"
Sirius opens his mouth, some miserable excuse surely about to emerge, but Remus cuts him off: "Nevermind. Reggie was perfectly good company, for a snot-nosed prick. Plays decent chess, at least."
Sirius finally has the decency to look abashed. He shakes his head. "No. Look, my mum -"
"I don’t care!" Remus yells, then blinks and pulls temper back. He’d meant to be civil and cool when he finally saw Sirius, to tell him that he’s been a prick and then piss off. Remus doesn’t like to yell. "Why don’t I just go back, alright? You can bring me to the train tomorrow; I’d be back in Cambridge by New Years. That way your family won’t have to put up with me and we can go back to you ignoring me like usual."
Sirius gapes at this, so Remus rolls his eyes and drops back against the bed. "Just fuck off. I’m too tired for this."
He can hear Sirius move heavily against the chair, and then his cigarette sizzles out against something - probably the windowsill. The room is silent for a few moments and Remus, despite his constant hypersensitivity to Sirius’ presence, starts to dream about green octopuses.
He is brought back to reality by Sirius clearing his throat. "I haven’t been ignoring you," Sirius says quietly, "and I don’t want you to go back."
"Then stop ignoring me," he mutters, but Sirius is already out of the door.
Even as Sirius asked him, Remus had known that he should give the invitation more thought. Now three days before the trip, he still can’t figure out what the hell he’d been thinking when he’d accepted immediately. He’d known perfectly well that it would only lead to disaster; that Sirius’ relationship with his family is tenuous at best; that his invitation was likely extended without the permission of his parents. He’d also known that Lily is staying over the holiday. They’d become close in the past months, despite her unwillingness to accept his friendships with “those bloody nuisances" Potter and Pettigrew. Just last week they’d had a brilliant time sneaking into the lab and drinking the cider the second years were making for their chem club. Why would he choose the haughty and miserable Black family over such an incredible redhead (that James would post Remus’ head on the bridge of sighs an obvious aside)?
He’d be much happier alone in Cambridge for Christmas than with Sirius’ family; yet, he’d said yes. It’s just - he’s hasn’t been to Greece yet, and Sirius has promised that they’ll drive over to the ruins in Olympia, and he can’t help but think that if he could just spend a few days alone with Sirius then maybe, maybe, he’ll be able to suss out what the hell happened between them to prompt Sirius to all but avoid him since term began in October.
He doesn’t speak to Sirius at all the next day, spending the day of Christmas Eve in a furious sulk. He leaves the villa early and walks past the bustling shops of Kolonaki and up the slopes of Lycabettus Hill, at one point daydreaming about throwing Sirius down the tiny mountain. It is a very satisfying fantasy. The exercise and the incredible view of Athens helps him cool off, but when he returns for dinner he still ignores the feeble, apologetic smile that Sirius flashes him. He knows that he is being childish; yet, he is too still brassed off about his friend’s ridiculous mood swings to give way to any reconciliation. The family eats in near silence, and even Lady Black’s backhanded comments, which she normally doles out to himself and Sirius with glee, are absent. He excuses himself early, and spends an hour or so in the dusty library before going to his room, marvelling at the early 16th century Latin copy of the Nuremberg Chronicle and at various 12th and 13th century maps that he is sure no one in the Black family has ever bothered to even touch.
It hasn’t been all that terrible of a day, but certainly it feels like it. He hates being angry at Sirius, hates the tension that has been added to their already confusing-enough relationship. He wishes they could go back to before the summer hols, or even to four days ago, when he first arrived at the villa in Athens. He wishes he understood what had happened to their friendship; to what he thought was turning into something else. But, as the saying could go: if wishes were horses, lovesick fools would ride.
He arrives on Tuesday evening, five days before Christmas. Athens feels like a carnival to Remus, with all the lights and the carousel and the astonishing number of people merrily wandering the streets, and Sirius, ecstatic at Remus’ arrival, insists immediately that they go out to experience the streets of Athens and visit a few of Sirius’ old stomping grounds.
They end up in a bustling club, full of beautiful and wealthy Greeks whom, like Sirius, have all just returned from Uni and are intent on enjoying the holiday to its fullest. Despite his initial reluctance, it is better than Remus had expected, not only because Sirius doesn’t immediately pick up an old girlfriend and leave him to fend for himself. Instead they find a small table in a corner and drink and talk as they always have, as if they hadn’t just spend three tense months walking on glass around each other for no apparent reason. Remus is overwhelmingly grateful for the respite and hopes desperately that Sirius does not notice.
Several of Sirius’ school friends discover them around midnight, and it is suddenly a party at their cramped table. Remus is squished up against Sirius but finds himself in an animated conversation with a couple who are studying in Athens and hope to move to Britain together after their courses finish. He can hear Sirius speaking in subdued Greek to the pretty girl next to him and is pathetically disheartened, but finds that his ridiculous jealousy is unfounded when Sirius throws an arm over his shoulders and introduces her as his cousin Theano.
Many rounds are consumed, and Remus is somehow persuaded by Sirius and his cousin to dance somewhere around 1:30. By the time leave the club it is 4:45, and both Sirius and Remus are stumbling drunk. Sirius, ever the affectionate drunk, keeps his arm around Remus’ shoulders as they walk back to the villa and repeatedly tells Remus how much he loves him and how glad he is that he’s come. Remus repeats the sentiments with equal fervour, and for once doesn’t mind that his words are painfully sincere.
Christmas morning, for which Remus had planned to remain locked in his room and reread The Quiet American, instead begins with Sirius jumping on his bed and pushing him to the floor.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" he yells as he attempts to extricate himself from his sheets.
"Getting you up," Sirius says smugly. "Come on, we’re taking a trip."
Remus stands and, dumbfounded, checks his watch. It is 6:40. "A trip? A trip? Are you daft?" His voice elevates to an embarrassing level, but the incredulous rant formulating in his head is cut-off when Sirius clasps a hand roughly over Remus mouth.
"Shut up," he hisses. “We’re not going anywhere if you wake my parents. You wanted to see Olympia, we’re getting the fuck out of this house and going to see Olympia before anyone can stop me."
"Stop you-?" Remus starts to question from behind Sirius’ hand, but thinks better of it at Sirius’ murderous glare. Sirius’ hand smells like smoke. He doesn’t understand what the hell is going on, but pulls away and starts dressing nonetheless. He doesn’t know what Sirius is trying to do, nor what Sirius’ parents have to do with sudden trip. It occurs to him that Sirius might actually be bringing him to the train depot, so in a moment of prescience he grabs his pack and throws his book, wallet, an extra pair of pants and his jumper in there, just in case.
Sirius stares out the window as he gets ready, so Remus has to clear his throat to get his attention when he’s dressed. Sirius looks at him with darkened eyes, nods and walks out of the room without a word, leaving Remus to follow him. Sirius goes so far in his effort to escape quietly as to release the emergency brake and push his tiny car in neutral to the street before starting it up. As soon as they are on the road Remus falls back into dreams of building bookcases, so nothing is said between them until they are well out of the city.
They play footie with a few of Sirius’ friends Wednesday afternoon, after they’ve sobered up; Remus has a brilliant time with Sirius and all his friends. Only a few of the girls, who spend the game chatting on the sidelines, are anything but friendly towards him. They have to return to the villa for supper, which is a formal and strained affair, but as soon as Lady Black has finished questioning Remus over his choice of studies and recommending that he and Sirius go into banking as her husband has, they flee back to the city. They sneak into the National Garden to see the monkeys and then wander down to Plaka and the Acropolis, before meeting up with more of Sirius’ friends for the night. It is another very good night, and when he stumbles into bed much later he wonders how it is possible that he and Sirius were ever awkward with each other.
On Thursday, of course, it all changes. Remus wakes up late in the morning, and as he makes his way down to the kitchen he overhears Sirius being lectured in Greek by his mother. When they meet in the kitchen twenty minutes later, Sirius has completely transformed. He is stoically reserved and polite to Remus, especially around any of his family, and once again refuses to look him in the eye. There is no game of footie or adventuring through the streets to be had; instead they go to the cinema to see a poorly dubbed American movie that Remus cannot follow. That evening before dinner Sirius tells him that they cannot go out for the night and that is perhaps best to simply relax for the evening. It is such a drastic change that it is painful for Remus to even witness. He skips the relaxing and instead goes to bed early, utterly confused.
On Friday, Sirius disappears. Lady Black refuses to give any indication as to where he has gone, choosing rather to suggest that Regulus might be in need of a chess partner. And so, Remus passes most of his day discussing the policies of Margaret Thatcher and Konstantinos Karamanlis over several tense games of chess with the most arrogant and obstinate teenager he’s ever met. Remus is frankly at a loss at what to do otherwise; Sirius has not disappeared without a word like this since their first week of rooming together at St. John’s.
He knows perfectly well that Sirius’ mother is to blame for this horrible metamorphosis, yet he cannot help but be angry at Sirius as well for falling prey. He wonders masochistically if he had been too obvious, to either Sirius or his mother, and that Sirius’ withdrawal is due to the discovery of Remus’ secret. It doesn’t explain, however, the awkwardness of the past three months but the thought is enough to make Remus nauseated. He manages to keep his anger and panic to himself, however, and beats Regulus soundly in 3 games to 1.
That evening he skips dinner, unable to face Lady Black in either Sirius’ presence or absence, and instead chooses to sneak into the kitchen by himself and sweet-talk one of the cooks into giving him a cheese toastie. He goes to bed as early as he had the night before, and thinks that he’s not going to make it eight more days like this.
Sirius is the first to break the silence. "I think that you had it right," he says.
They are driving through a hillside village about an hour and a half out of Athens. There is no one on the road - it is too early on Christmas morning for many people to be out - and Remus cannot remember the last time he’s seen a place so quiet. He looks over at Sirius, taking a few moments to deliberate on whether to take the bait. As always, his curiosity wins out. "How so?"
Sirius’ eyes flicker towards him. "It would probably be best if you went back."
Remus snaps upright in his seat, his neck and jaw involuntarily clenching. "What?"
"My mum," Sirius continues, finally glancing guiltily at Remus, "hates you. She thinks - well, she thinks you’ve changed me, I suppose. She doesn’t want me to associate with you."
"Your mum," Remus parrots, too humiliated to think of anything else to say. He slides back against the door, as far as he can possibly bring himself from Sirius in the tiny car. "I -"
"I know I’ve been a crap mate this week. I’m sorry. When you’d said you were staying at Uni for the holidays I thought it would be good for us to catch up; I didn’t want you to be alone. I never meant to - my mum, she found out that -"
"Have I changed you?" Remus asks, not at all comprehending Sirius’ rambling.
"Yes!" Sirius exclaims and bangs a hand against the wheel, "of course you have! It’s a good thing, too; I hated who I was when we met. But I never meant to - I mean - listen, Remus, I’ve had a hard time this term," he acknowledges finally.
"I’ve noticed," Remus deadpans, and Sirius visibly flinches.
"Fuck."
Remus glances at Sirius’ hands, which he thinks are gripping the wheel a bit too tightly. "Sirius - I don’t understand," he says carefully. "What have I done?"
"Nothing! Nothing wrong, it’s just -" Sirius’ control is deteriorating, his driving a bit too jerky for safety. Remus thinks about suggesting they stop for a moment, until - "It’d be better if you went home. My mum thinks I’m in love with you and it’d be easier to convince her that I’m not if you were gone."
Oh, how the world can bottom out in one moment. Remus stares at his friend, feeling dizzy at weight that has settled in his stomach. "Are you?" he asks with a bit of difficulty.
Sirius doesn’t look at him. "I don’t - I don’t know. I might. Is that -"
Remus interrupts him by laughing: an insane, desperate sound Remus cannot prevent from bubbling up. "Stop the car," he wheezes when he can get a breath in, and then doubles over again. It is too much for him - all this time, months of tension and uncertainty -
Sirius looks stricken but obeys, pulling over as soon as there is space to do so. He kills the ignition as Remus catches his breath, and drops his forehead against the wheel. "Remus -"
"Right," Remus says, finally settling down. "I’ll go, but on two conditions."
Sirius nods, his forehead rubbing against the wheel. "I won’t bother you anymore, I promise, but please -"
"No," Remus stops him, and on impulse pulls his feet up and shifts backwards a bit. "First, I’m not going back to your villa tonight. We’re finding somewhere else to stay. Someplace posh," he says and Sirius’ head pops up, his eyes scrunched in confusion. Remus laughs a bit more, feeling utterly daft, and pulls himself up onto his knees.
"Second," he starts, but then shifts and throws one leg over the emergency break and into the gap between Sirius’ legs. Sirius gasps, expecting the worst, but then looks at him with something like wonder as Remus finishes the motion and plants his legs on either side of Sirius’ lap.
It takes only a moment for Sirius to put his hands on Remus’ back and pull him down. Laughter bubbles up again, and as they pull apart they have both succumbed to it. "Remus," he says, smiling widely.
"Second," Remus says and leans his forehead against Sirius’. "When you come back to Cambridge, we’re having a long talk about how to show people you care."