Fic: The Great Gryffindor Dating Game for adriositiense (part two of two)

[shaggydogstail]

Part One

Remus Lupin is drawing up a shortlist of suspects, which currently includes; James, Peter, Marlene… ah, fuck it, basically everyone he knows. Oh, and Sirius’ hair, which has no business falling over his face like that looking all sexy and mysterious and rendering Remus incapable of rational thought all the damn time.

The day of the Midwinter Fayre finally arrived, cold and crisp, with just the faintest whiff of mania in the air. The castle grounds were resplendent with festive stalls, rides, and attractions. Chestnuts were roasting, mulled wine was flowing, and the entirety of Hogwarts sparkled with so much tinsel it could probably be seen from space. It was all perfectly delightful.

Remus Lupin feared he might vomit.

Merlin knows why he’d gone agreed to this farce of a pretend date with Sirius - probably something to do with Peter collaring him when he was at a low ebb, the devious little rat. Oh, and the fact that the first years have already chased “Rudolph” twice around the lake helped a bit, to be honest.

Sirius had been in the bathroom for five, maybe six hours, Remus guessed. Possibly he was trying to drown himself.

‘Padfoot, come on,’ yelled James, banging on the door for the nth time. ‘Stop trying to Charm your eyelashes to curl, we all know Moony thinks you’re pretty enough already.’

Sirius emerged at last looking, well, looking pretty damn amazing, actually, but when didn’t he? Remus tried very hard not to look at him directly, for fear of staring or drooling or otherwise making a show of himself. James didn’t allow much time for that, though, as he grabbed both Remus and Sirius by the arm, and bundled the both of them out of the dorm.

‘Matilda Hinchbottom,’ said James when they reached the ornate ivy arch that marked the entrance to the Fayre. ‘Auberon Delby. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Jemima Possett. Chandra Mistry.’

‘Are you doing a roll-call or something?’ asked Sirius.

‘If you like,’ said James. He glared at Remus. ‘Just a few of the little darling firsties who didn’t want to go in a sleigh, they were quick happy to take a ride on Rudolph’s back.’

Sirius sniggered, but Remus felt his stomach drop. James was going to want payback for this. Obviously. He took hold of Remus’ wrist and forcibly entwined his hand with Sirius’.

‘You may recall, Mr Moony, a certain promise you made vis-à-vis hand-holding?’ said James. Sirius looked like he was about to argue, but wisely shut up when James turned to him and continued forcefully, ‘I expect you both to be on your best behaviour. Act nice. Enjoy the Fayre. Try to remember that you actually like each other.’

Sirius nodded mutely, so Remus just shrugged his agreement.

‘Have fun, you crazy kids,’ yelled James as he waved them off. ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!’

‘That leaves the field pretty wide fucking open,’ muttered Sirius, and for once Remus found himself in complete agreement.

The Midwinter Fayre was actually rather lovely - Remus was happy to admit that Lily had done an amazing job. There were actual gingerbread houses, twirling Christmas trees, and enchanted sleighs promising romantic jaunts around the castle. Younger students laughed with delight as they raced around the dragon-and-unicorns themed merry-go-round, while an icy Ferris Wheel span at break-neck speed. Every couple of paces there seemed to be another wonderous ride, delicious food, or fanastic exhibit. There were also Charmed snowballs and flying flaming brussel sprouts, which he suspected may have been the Head Boy’s contribution. Still, the racing Yule Goats were pretty funny.

Sirius was clearly making an effort to be friendly, offering to buy him firefly fudge and Charming his scarf to stay warm, so Remus decided he really should try to make the most of things. After all, it was the closest he was ever going to get to actually going out with Sirius, and it was sort of nice having Sirius to himself for once. Remus even enjoyed the way other students smiled and nodded at them, like it made sense for him and Sirius to be together. Even though Remus knew himself it would never be real, it was oddly comforting that everyone else seemed to believe in the idea of him and Sirius as a couple.

The way Sirius kept hold of his hand all afternoon made could very nearly make Remus believe in it himself. Actually, it was all getting a little too tempting, and that was dangerous…

‘You don’t have to keep holding my hand you know,’ Remus said, trying very hard to keep his tone casual. ‘I don’t think Prongs is watching anymore.’

‘Oh.’ Sirius stopped in his tracks. ‘Um, well, if you don’t want to.’

He didn’t actually let go, though, and his expression was so crestfallen that Remus automatically squeezed his hand a little tighter. Sirius smiled then, a warm and open smile, and it occurred to Remus suddenly that Sirius hasn’t smiled much for a while. Not since… well, not since Remus turned him down, actually.

‘Padfoot.’ Remus took a step closer to Sirius, uncertain.

‘We should talk,’ said Sirius. He glanced around. ‘Somewhere a bit less public.’

Remus nodded, and allowed Sirius to lead him past the goblin carrollers and a stand selling exploding candy floss to the edge of the Fayre, where they ducked down behind an exquisitely decorated gingerbread house (made out of Oriana Oetker’s finest gingerbread).

‘Something the matter, Padfoot?’

‘I just… I feel like I should apologise,’ said Sirius. He’d let go of Remus’ hand at last (Remus tried hard not to miss it). ‘When I asked you out… I didn’t mean to upset you so much.’

‘It was pretty humiliating,’ said Remus quietly.

Sirius shrugged. ‘Yeah, well, that was kind of the point.’

‘Really,’ Remus answered coldly.

‘It was Prongs’ idea… not that that’s any excuse, cos I know what he’s like,’ said Sirius, still shuffling from foot to foot and looking deeply uncomfortable. ‘He reckoned the more of a twat I made of myself the more it proved how much I like you.’

‘You… what?’ Remus blinked. Sirius wasn’t making any sense.

‘Anyway I didn’t really stop to think about how embarrassing it would be for you, having me throw myself at you like that when you’re obviously not interested in me.’

‘I… what?’ Remus really wasn’t at his most eloquent, but his brain was finding it hard enough to understand what he was hearing, far less form a coherent response.

‘It’s OK if you don’t fancy me… well, I’ll get over it.’ Sirius smiled a small, sad little smile that made Remus’ stomach do all sorts of strange twisty things. ‘But I’d hate it if we weren’t friends anymore.’

‘Of course we’re friends,’ said Remus, automatically.

Sirius’ smile was broader then, and he seemed relieved, though still not entirely happy. ‘Good, good,’ he said briskly. ‘Right, that’s enough talking about feelings, let’s go and see if we can find Prongs. I’m sure there must be a nice, deep snowdrift somewhere around here that we can shove him into.’

Sirius turned back to the main path, leaving Remus to follow in confused silence. Sirius was acting like… well, very much like he was the one who’d been given the brush off, as though Remus was the one who’d rejected him. Which… sort of made sense, on a superficial level, since Sirius had asked him out and Remus had said no, but it had all just been so obvious that Sirius didn’t really mean it.

Wasn’t it?

‘What if you’re wrong? ’ Remus had a sudden recollection of Peter and Marlene accosting him in the Hospital Wing. ‘What if he really meant it when asked you to go out with him, and you’re the one hurting his feelings by being so stroppy about it? ’

Was that were Remus had gone wrong - not listening to Peter? It seemed a bit unlikely, but Remus remembered they’d seen Peter happily riding the Waltzers with Susie that very afternoon, and he’d managed to set that date up all by himself by simply finding a nice girl and asking her out; far simpler than anything that had gone on between James and Lily, or Sirius and himself. Perhaps Peter Pettigrew was the real love expert of Gryffindor Tower.

Remus shook himself. Now there was a strange idea.

#

Lily Evans is prepared to concede that it’s possible that she did, perhaps, miscalculate slightly. Maybe.

The Midwinter Fayre was a splendid success, if Lily did say so herself. Almost the whole of Hogwarts was out enjoying themselves, and so far only half-a-dozen students had been sent to the Hospital Wing with cuts, bruises, mild concussions, or the odd spot of spell damage. She’d even managed to talk James into skating around the Quidditch Pitch with her, even if he did grouse about the difficulty of cleanly removing so many Freezing Charms after.

Lily was busy minding the drinks stall when Love’s Young Dream came ambling past. Well, neither of them were in tears or on fire, so she supposed her genius fake dating scheme was at least a partial success. Eager for more details, waved Sirius on to talk to James whilst grabbing Remus for a spot of gentle cross-examination.

‘Well,’ she demanded. ‘How is the date going?’

‘I think,’ Remus confessed quietly, ‘I think that Sirius might like me.’

Lily opened her mouth. Then closed it again. She squinted. ‘You reckon?’

‘You know,’ Remus continued. He cast a nervous glance of his shoulder, to where Sirius was attempting to wrestle James head-first into a holly bush. ‘Romantically.’

‘There’s not much gets past you, is there?’ said Lily. ‘Honestly, a penetrating intellect like that, I’m surprised you weren’t sorted into Ravenclaw.’

‘What?’

‘Never mind,’ said Lily. ‘Have you snogged him yet?’

Remus flushed a very festive shade of scarlet. ‘No!’

‘Well, what are you doing standing around here chatting to me?’ Lily demanded. ‘Get on with it!’

‘I don’t… I don’t know what to say,’ admitted Remus, glancing back over his shoulder at Sirius again nervously.

‘You don’t have to say anything,’ Lily told him. ‘Just stick your tongue down his throat.’

Remus looked mildly scandalised, but at least he didn’t try and pull any more nonsense about not being interested. Progress, at last.

‘You sure he won’t mind?’

Lily took a depth breath. Remus was a sweetheart, he really was, but at times like this he could also be the wettest of haddocks and if he didn’t watch out she’d have to throw him into the North Sea. ‘He may have dropped one or two tiny hints that he wouldn’t completely object,’ she said. ‘Subtle ones, you know, what with Sirius being famed for his emotional restraint.’

‘I could actually do without the sarcasm,’ said Remus.

Lily scoffed. What Remus could do with was a swift kick up the arse, and luckily she was just the woman to deliver it. She pulled a large quantity of mistletoe from her bag and set about draping it around Remus’ head.

‘Mistletoe, Lily, really?’ said Remus. ‘Couldn’t you think of anything a bit less subtle?’

‘Considering Sirius had to all but strip naked and run about the castle singing “take me, take me, I'm yours if you want me” for you to notice that he likes you, I don’t think subtlety is any friend of yours, Remus Lupin,’ Lily told him firmly. She tucked another sprig of mistletoe behind Remus’ ear for good measure.

‘I think I need a drink,’ said Remus.

‘Yes!’ agreed Lily, perhaps a tad too enthusiastically. She poured Remus a large goblet of verdant green punch - a potent, sparkling brew complete with her own special ingredient. ‘Bottoms up!’

‘Cheers,’ said Remus, taking a large drink.

James, having survived Sirius’ attempts to maim him with shrubbery with only minor facial lacerations, came bounding over to give Remus a hearty pat on the back.

‘Moony, old man,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Nice, uh, foliage. Enjoying yourself?’

‘Um.’ Remus looked so adorably uncertain, it was all Lily could do not to reach out and ruffle his hair - but that would’ve upset the mistletoe, so she left well alone.

‘A ringing endorsement if ever I heard one,’ said James. ‘Still, be a pal and help Padfoot test the Sleigh Ride for us. We need someone to check if for, uh, atmosphere.’

Remus just took another large drink. Atmosphere, really.

‘Go on,’ said Lily encouragingly. ‘Faint heart never won fair Animagus.’

Remus nodded. ‘Right, then,’ he said, ‘see you later.’

As Remus headed off to join Sirius in the queue of the Sleigh Ride, James slipped behind the drinks stall, wrapping his arms around Lily as he hugged her from behind.

‘So you Charmed the mistletoe, right?’ said James, nuzzling at Lily’s ear.

‘The very idea,’ said Lily. ‘I might have sprinkled them lightly with a little solution of my own devising.’

‘Oh you might, might you?’ said James. ‘And I suppose you slipped some of this “little solution” in his drink.’

‘Might have done,’ agreed Lily, giggling as James rubbed his ice-cold (though no longer red) nose against her neck.

‘You’re very sexy when you’re devious, you know.’

Lily grinned. ‘Yeah, I am kinda.’

#

Sirius Black wonders if anything will ever make any sense again.

Sirius had been somewhat dubious about the whole Sleigh Ride thing in spite - or perhaps, because - James had recommended it so highly. James had been pretty insistent and Remus was “wavering” and a quick trip around the Castle was just the ticket. “Honestly, Pads, it’s full of romantic atmos, he’ll never be able to resist your charms!” James had insisted, once Sirius had let him out of the holly bush.

Sirius was fairly certain that Remus could win a special award from the Ministry for services to the field of resisting his charms, but as he was, apparently, congenitally incapable of telling James when to Do One, he’d ended up agreeing anyway.

Remus, though… Remus appeared to have cheered up considerably, despite the fact that Lily had garlanded him with enough mistletoe for a small Herbology experiment. Of course, that might have something to do with the amount of alcohol he was chugging.

‘What are you drinking, anyway?’ asked Sirius, as Remus climbed into the Sleigh beside him.

‘Lily’s Christmas punch,’ said Remus, holding the goblet towards him. ‘Want some?’

Sirius peered into the goblet dubiously. Remus’ drink was very green, and also strangely sparkly. (Sirius had gone right off glitter lately, for obvious reasons.)

‘Thanks, but I’ll pass,’ he said. ‘You know I don’t eat green things.’

‘There are less ridiculous ways of expressing House loyalty, you know,’ said Remus. ‘Ones that probably won’t let you die of scurvy.’

‘Some things are worth dying for,’ said Sirius. ‘It’s the principle of the thing.’

‘You nutbar,’ said Remus, but there was no malice to it, only the vaguely baffled affection that made Sirius feel all achy and optimistic. To make matters worse (or better, Sirius really couldn’t decide which), Remus was getting all touchy-feely all of a sudden, snuggling up close to Sirius and even putting his hand on Sirius’ knee.

When Remus started running his other hand through Sirius’ hair, Sirius felt it was really time to Say Something.

‘Um, Moony,’ he began tentatively. ‘What are you doing?’

Remus grinned at him, warm and wicked. ‘We are supposed to be on a date.’

‘Pretend date,’ said Sirius quietly.

‘Yeah, about that,’ said Remus. ‘When you first asked me out I thought that was all it was. Pretend. That you’d realised that I fancy you and thought it would be funny to wind me up with some big show of fake romance.’

‘I wouldn’t do that!’ said Sirius indignantly, to which Remus just raised his eyebrows. OK, so maybe it was the sort of thing he might do. ‘I’d never do that to you.’

‘I think,’ said Remus slowly, brushing his thumb over Sirius’ cheek, ‘I’m starting to realise that.’

Sirius shivered. His stomach turned back flips. His brain was more than a little frazzled.

‘So if you’d known I really meant it,’ he asked, ‘would you have given a different answer?’

‘I think,’ Remus said, ‘I think I might have said something like… this.’

He didn’t say anything at all though, just slipped his hand behind Sirius’ head, pulled Sirius a little closer, and kissed him.

Sirius squawked, and wriggled, and finally kissed Remus back. Oh, it was brilliant and magical and oh sweet Merlin’s blessed whiskers, Moony was even more perfect than he’d ever realised.

‘Wow,’ said Sirius at last, when Remus finally pulled away.

‘Wow,’ echoed Remus. He was staring at Sirius, eyes wide and luminous, like he thought Sirius was something amazing. It made Sirius feel pretty amazing, actually.

‘You know, it would’ve been a lot simpler if you’d just done that when I first asked you,’ said Sirius.

‘It would’ve been a lot simpler if you hadn’t done such a terrible job of it in the first place.’ Remus laughed, pushing hair off Sirius’ face. ‘Glitter? Singing gnomes? Really, Padfoot.’

‘You got me,’ said Sirius, because Remus really, really did. ‘Guess that means you’ll have to be in charge of seduction then. Since I’m clearly terrible at it.’

‘Looks that way,’ said Remus happily, leaning in to kiss him again.

The second kiss was no less fantastic, leaving Sirius giddy, his breathing uneven, lips and mouth tingling.

Sirius sighed happily, planting a soft trail of kisses along Remus’ jawline.

‘I could get used to this,’ said Remus, and Sirius thought that, yes, he could get used to it too, getting to kiss Remus, and touch and pet him and oh!

‘Aitchoo!’

‘You all right there, Padfoot?’

‘Fine,’ said Sirius, and sneezed again. Damnit. It really wasn’t very attractive, finally getting Remus to kiss him only to start snotting all over him. ‘I’m just… aitchoo! ’

‘You’re not sick, are you?’ asked Remus, looking adorably concerned. Sirius would very much have liked to kiss him again, but the tingling in his mouth had actually turned quite unpleasant and the tips of his fingers - which had just moments ago been all nicely tangled up in Remus’ hair - seemed to be coming out in a nasty rash.

‘Just, you know, lovesick,’ Sirius joked feebly, because what the bloody hell was wrong with him?

‘Perhaps you’re allergic to mistletoe,’ Remus suggested.

‘Don’t be daft, whose allergic to mistletoe?’ said Sirius. ‘The only thing I’m allergic to is…’

Oh, shit, no. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Lily wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Had she? Trying very hard to suppress the mad bubbles of panic that were popping up in the pit of his stomach, Sirius grabbed Remus’ discarded punch goblet from the floor of the sleigh and prodded it with his wand.

‘Pearl dust,’ said Sirius, his voice barely a whisper. It was on the mistletoe as well. Fuck.

‘Oh, that must be why it’s all sparkly,’ said Remus. ‘Padfoot, what’s wrong?’

Everything, thought Sirius, everything is wrong. He jumped backwards, pulling himself out of Remus’ grasp. ‘You should keep away from me.’

‘I - what?’ Remus looked confused and upset. Sirius could hardly look at him. ‘This isn’t funny.’

It really, really wasn’t.

‘Just - just stay away from me!’ Sirius shouted. He jumped over the edge of the sleigh - forgetting to even look where he was going, and falling 15 feet into a dancing Christmas tree.

Things really couldn’t get much worse.

Actually, Lily Evans - well. OK, fine. Maybe she miscalculated rather a lot, actually.

Lily was cheerfully teasing James about all the other places she might like to wind a string of fairy lights when they were rudely interrupted by Sirius storming along the path back to the castle. Surely he hadn’t failed to get off with Remus again?

‘What is it this time?’ she asked wearily, but Sirius didn’t answer, just tipped the cauldron she’d serving drinks from over, sending punch splashing over a nearby crowd of young Hufflepuffs. Lily was about to share a few choice words with him about that, but before she got the chance Sirius loomed over her, his expression thunderous.

‘I won’t forget what you’ve done,’ he snarled, before turning on his heel and stomping back to the castle.

‘Padfoot, what the - ’ James yelled at his departing figure, but Sirius didn’t even seem to hear. He turned back to Lily, looking confused and concerned. ‘You OK?’

‘Fine,’ said Lily, not entirely truthfully. She’d forgotten that Sirius could be… kinda scary sometimes. Glancing around, she spotted Remus standing beneath one of the dancing Christmas trees, looking awfully forlorn. She pointed him out to James. ‘You go and fetch Remus. I’ll meet you in the Common Room.’

James nodded his agreement. ‘It may be time,’ he said, ‘for me to rethink my stance on Unforgiveables.’

#

Back in the Gryffindor Common Room, the insults kept coming. Lily was greeted by Peter running down the stairs, followed by a decidedly pissed-off looking Ravenclaw.

‘You broke Padfoot!’ said Peter accusingly, pointing at Lily.

‘I did what?’ said Lily, automatically on the defence. Why was everyone having a go at her all of a sudden?

‘He’s in the dorm now,’ said Peter, looking like he was very cross about it indeed. ‘He keeps shouting and… leaking everywhere.’

‘Leaking?’ asked Lily.

‘Normal people call it crying,’ said the Ravenclaw - Susie, wasn’t it? Lily was starting to lose track of everyone’s romantic machinations.

‘What’s crying?’ asked James as he emerged from the portrait hole, dragging Remus along with him.

‘Sirius, apparently,’ said Lily.

‘Right, then who made Padfoot cry?’ demanded James, with an expression that left no doubt that whoever it was, they would be Made To Pay.

‘I think that might, um, be my fault actually,’ said Remus quietly. ‘Although it was Lily who told me to kiss him.’

‘He can’t be - Sirius isn’t going to be freaking out like this because you kissed him,’ insisted Lily. ‘Even he’s not that mental. Tell me everything.’

So, falteringly, and with only occasional mild threats of violence, Remus spilled the beans about his sleigh ride with Sirius.

‘Allergic?’ queried Lily. ‘What’s Sirius allergic to?’

‘Me, apparently,’ said Remus miserably.

‘Pearl dust,’ said James. ‘Funny story, you weren’t there, Moony, but back in fourth year - ’

‘FUUU-UUCK!’ yelled Lily, as the realisation of what had actually happened hit her.

The sound made everyone in the room turn and stare at her, and brought Marlene running down the stairs from the girls’ dorms. ‘Merlin’s nuts, will you keep it down? Some of us are on for a definite shag tonight.’

‘So sorry that my girlfriend and my best mate having simultaneous nervous breakdowns is interfering with your sex life, McKinnon,’ said James irritably.

Marlene narrowed her eyes, scanning the Common Room. ‘Where is Black, anyway?’ she asked. ‘On second thoughts - never mind. He’s no doubt downstairs proposing marriage to Professor McGonagall again as we speak. Just don’t tell Dorcas.’

‘Don’t tell me what?’ asked Dorcas, appearing behind her.

‘IT DOESN’T MATTER!’ shouted James, who appeared to be very much on the brink of Losing It Completely. ‘Lily, Pearl dust. What does it matter if Padfoot’s allergic to it?’

Lily groaned theatrically. ‘Trust me to poison the only other person in the entire tower who can tell one end of a cauldron from the other,’ she muttered. ‘There was Pearl dust on the mistletoe. And in the punch I gave to Remus.’

‘That would explain the sneezing,’ said Remus. ‘But not the running away in horror.’

‘Like I said, Sirius isn’t completely thick at Potions,’ said Lily. ‘So he probably knows Pearl dust is most commonly used in… Love Potions.’

‘No!’ Dorcas let out a scandalised gasp, but fortunately Marlene quietened her with a swift kick.

‘You gave Padfoot a Love Potion?’ asked Remus.

Lily shook her head. She felt really, really rotten about the whole thing. ‘I didn’t give him anything,’ she told Remus. ‘I gave you an Impulse Potion - it was just meant to make you a bit more, you know. Impulsive. Only it had Pearl dust in it, so when Sirius reacted to it he thought…’

‘… he thought you’d given me a Love Potion,’ Remus finished for her.

‘Yeah,’ admitted Lily. ‘I’m really sorry. If it helps, I do always brew an antidote for any potion I make out of class so… this should be enough to remove your symptoms and clear up Sirius’ allergy.’

Remus took the vial Lily offered him with a small smile. ‘Thanks,’ he said stiffly.

‘Talk to him,’ said Lily. ‘Just… tell him everything. You’ll work it out, I promise.’

‘Really not sure you’re all that trustworthy,’ said Remus. Which was harsh but… not entirely unfair. ‘Still, I’ll give it a shot.’

‘Finally,’ said Marlene. ‘You do all recall, I hope, that this is what I’ve been telling them to do all along.’

‘Oh, shut it, Marlene,’ said Lily. ‘No-one likes a know-it-all.’

#
Remus Lupin… aw, hells. Remus just hopes he doesn’t fuck this one up.

Walking into his own dormitory wasn’t the sort of thing that usually made Remus particularly anxious - even when he wasn’t under the influence of magically-induced recklessness - but he still found himself politely knocking on the door before entering.

‘Oh, fuck off, Lily!’ shouted Sirius from behind his bed curtains. ‘If you knew he’d never love me back you could’ve just told me!’

Remus took a deep breath, and drew Sirius’ curtains back. ‘Hey, Padfoot.’

Sirius was sitting scrunched up against the headboard, his face all red and blotchy, and sniffing heavily: he looked a fucking state, but Remus still had to fight the urge to jump on him and lick him all over.

‘I told you to keep away from me,’ Sirius said sullenly.

‘Hm,’ said Remus. ‘I brought you some antidote.’

Sirius eyed him suspiciously, but accepted the vial of antidote and took a drink. It seemed to work pretty quickly, as Sirius was able to stop sniffing almost immediately, and the rash on his hands faded right away.

‘Thanks,’ he said quietly. ‘You taken it?’

‘Not yet,’ admitted Remus as he sat down on the edge of Sirius’ bed. ‘I’m working up to it.’

‘Just take it,’ said Sirius, ‘before you get any mad ideas about sticking your tongue down my throat again.’

‘I didn’t kiss you because of Lily’s potion,’ said Remus. ‘Well… it might have helped. But it wasn’t the reason why I wanted to kiss you.’

Sirius looked sceptical, so Remus continued. ‘I already wanted to kiss you because you’re beautiful and sexy and brilliant and fierce and I’m actually kind of - ’

‘Moony, don’t! ’ Sirius groaned, burying his head in his hands.

‘ - I’m actually really keen on you even if you are a ridiculous, temperamental drama-monger with a massive ego and no emotional restraint.’

Sirius blinked at him, looking confused and vaguely irritated. It was actually pretty attractive. ‘I’m starting to doubt Lily’s potion-making abilities,’ he said. ‘Or possibly she made a special Love Potion that still allows you to insult me.’

‘Or maybe she didn’t make a Love Potion at all,’ said Remus.

‘Moony, I know she spiked your drink,’ said Sirius. ‘And the mistletoe.’

‘She did, but it was only an Impulse Potion,’ Remus explained. ‘Honestly, it didn’t make me want to do anything different, just made me a bit more likely to do exactly what the hell I wanted. I stopped worrying about what might go wrong. Must be what it’s like to be you all the time.’

Sirius laughed softly. ‘Are you sure that’s all it was?’

‘You’re the one doing Potions N.E.W.T.’

‘Yeah, but only ‘cos Prongs needed someone to keep an eye on Snivellus with Lily,’ said Sirius. ‘Although it does kind of make sense. If you’re sure…’

‘That I already fancied you before I drank any potions?’ said Remus. ‘Yeah, I’m sure.’

Sirius picked up the antidote, and offered it to Remus. Remus accepted the vial from him, but hesitated before drinking it. Ack, but he was ridiculous.

‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ said Remus. ‘I’m just worried I might lose my nerve.’

‘Don’t worry about that,’ Sirius told him. ‘I can be impulsive enough for both of us.’

That was a fair point. Remus lifted the vial to his lips and swallowed the antidote in one go. He closed his eyes and waited for it to take effect. It didn’t take long for him to feel the tingle of magic at the back of his throat, the loss of the Impulse Potion leaving him light-headed and his stomach in knots.

‘Moony?’

Slowly, Remus opened his eyes to look at Sirius. Sirius was watching him with an expression of nervous anticipation on his face, chewing his lower lip. It was quite lovely.

‘So if I were to, um, kiss you again, you won’t run away this time?’ Remus asked with a shaky half-laugh.

‘Not if it’s what you actually want,’ said Sirius. ‘Instead of some potion forcing you to.’

Remus chuckled. ‘It’s actually quite sweet, in a way,’ he said. ‘I mean, mental, but sweet. I suppose you only told me to keep away because you thought you were defending my honour?’

‘Well, anytime you want someone to fall out of a moving sleigh ride and land arse-over-tit in a dancing Christmas tree for you,’ said Sirius. ‘I’m quite the dashing hero.’

‘I wouldn’t have you any other way,’ said Remus.

Sirius smiled, sweet and inviting, then he leant forward to kiss Remus. Just the soft, dry touch of lips at first, then again, and again, each kiss becoming firmer, deeper, better.

‘Moony,’ he muttered, quiet and breathless against Remus’ mouth.

‘Yes,’ said Remus, running his hands through the satiny softness of Sirius’ hair and pulling him close, and it was a while before either of them were able to say much more at all.

‘You know,’ said Sirius when Remus drew back for breath at last, ‘you kiss differently when you’re not all potion’d up.’

‘Really?’ asked Remus. ‘Is that going to be a problem?’

‘Nah,’ Sirius assured him. ‘I mean, I thought it was pretty great before, but really… I don’t want magic, or potions, or any more stupid pretend dates…’

‘No mistletoe, dancing Christmas trees, interfering friends,’ Remus continued. ‘We’re not speaking to any of our friends now, right? They are all terrible.’

‘I wasn’t planning on doing much more talking at all, if you catch my drift,’ said Sirius as he pulled Remus towards him until they lay tangled side by side on the bed.

‘I think I might,’ said Remus. ‘And no more glitter.’

‘No glitter,’ agreed Sirius. ‘Just us.’

‘Just us,’ echoed Remus breathlessly. What more could he possibly want? Now he had Sirius, all happy and affectionate as he pressed kisses to Remus’ neck and muttered sweet, lovely things into his ear.

‘I still can’t… can’t quite believe this is real,’ admitted Remus.

‘Can’t you now?’ Sirius grinned wide enough to show teeth, aglow with Marauder-ly mischief. ‘Then let me convince you.’

So Remus did.

#

Dorcas Meadowes would like to remind you all that gambling very seldom pays, and the bookmaker always wins.

Their carriage on the Hogwarts Express was so nauseatingly coupled-up it looked like an advertisement in Witch Weekly. Lily was sitting in James’ lap, laughing and wriggling as they indulged in silly play fights about what to give Lily’s sister for Christmas. Remus and Sirius were contributing increasingly bizarre suggestions of their own, but kept getting distracted by the need to stop and make googly eyes at each other. Really. Peter sat quietly holding hands with Susie whatserface, looking torn between joining in the madness and pretending he didn’t really know any of these people all that well, honest.

Dorcas was carefully going through her notebook, totting up her winnings (and losses). It was a tricky task, given the sheer volume of bets she’d taken this time, and also the way Marlene kept sliding her hand under the hem of Dorcas’ skirt. They were nearly across the border into England by the time Dorcas was done.

‘Yes!’ she shouted, adding in an exuberant fist-pump of good measure. ’12 galleons, 5 sickles and a knut. My most profitable book yet.’

‘What book?’ asked Remus, being apparently the only person in all of Gryffindor - if not Hogwarts, or possibly entire country - who didn’t know about the gambling ring.

‘Dorcas has been taking bets on Black’s love-life,’ said Marlene. ‘It’s been quite the roller-coaster, let me tell you.’

Remus narrowed his eyes. ‘You’ve been running a book on my boyfriend?’

‘Oh, settle, honey,’ said Dorcas, ‘the outrage would be a lot more convincing if we didn’t all know you’re all excited to have an excuse to call him that.’

Remus went a little pink, but didn’t argue.

‘How’d you make a profit, though?’ asked James. ‘Half the school was betting on Moony.’

‘I’d been kind of wondering that myself,’ added Marlene, taking a break from surreptitiously molesting Dorcas’ leg to join in the conversation (pity). ‘I thought that was why you kept trying to interfere with that whole triad nonsense with those two idiots.’

‘Which was never going to work,’ said idiot number one, aka James, forcefully.

‘If you’d all been just a little more open-minded,’ said Dorcas wistfully. It really would’ve been very profitable for her.

‘It was never gonna happen,’ agreed Marlene. ‘Potter’s too straight, Black’s too gay, and Evans is…’

‘All woman,’ James finished for her, squeezing Lily’s waist.

‘True, true,’ said Lily. ‘Sirius keeps telling me I’m the only woman for him though.’

‘Yeah, he says that to me as well,’ Marlene told her.

‘And Professor McGonagall,’ added James. ‘And my mum.’

‘My mum as well,’ said Remus.

‘And mine,’ piped up Peter.

‘But not,’ said Sirius, ‘my own.’

‘Fair play,’ said James. ‘Your cousin Andromeda, though.’

Sirius shrugged agreeably and Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Well now I feel cheap,’ she said.

‘Perhaps your winnings will help? Dorcas offered, reaching for her money bag. She distributed small quantities of gold to Lily, James, Marlene, Peter, and Susie.

James frowned at the coins in his hand. ‘OK, even bearing in mind your shocking odds, I still don’t get how you managed to turn a profit.’

Dorcas smiled beatifically. It was an all too common error - assuming that the art of gambling was all about odds and averages, the careful balancing of figures. Those things matter, of course, but not so much as an understanding of the finer points of human nature.

‘Allow me to educate you, Potter,’ said Dorcas. ‘First step was opening betting out to the Slytherins.’

‘You never!’ said James, outraged.

‘You’d be surprised how many of them thought it was oh-so-amusing to place a little wager on Black getting it on with Filch or the Giant Squid,’ said Dorcas. ‘I, of course, was more than happy to relieve them of their money.’

‘Yeah, but that part very nearly backfired,’ Marlene reminded her. ‘When someone, not naming any names but Black’s gobshite little brother dropped a ton on Pettigrew at ridiculous odds.’

Dorcas winced at the memory. ‘And I do appreciate your intervention there,’ she said.

‘Not as much as I do,’ muttered Peter.

‘My saving grace,’ finished Dorcas, ‘was Black himself.’

Remus shifted to frown at Sirius. ‘You bet against me?’

‘I prefer to see it as betting against myself,’ said Sirius.

‘Indeed,’ said Dorcas. ‘What you may not have noticed, Lupin, with all that playing hard to get, is that Black is a massive drama queen. Which is why he put 50 galleons on himself ending up forever alone - plenty to ensure I could cover all pay-outs, overheads, miscellaneous expenses and still turn a respectable profit overall.’

‘I was going to buy a small island distillery with the winnings,’ said Sirius. ‘So that I’d have somewhere to drink myself to death in peace.’

Lily and James both took that as their cue to pelt Sirius with a series of specially Charmed snowballs, and Peter laughed so hard that Susie had to pat him on the back to stop him choking. Dorcas tried very hard to keep her expression neutral as Marlene’s hand found its way back under her skirt.

Remus waited until the worst of the racket had died down to whisper into Sirius’ ear. ‘I hope you’re not too upset,’ he said, ‘about losing your bet.’

‘Don’t be silly, Moony,’ said Sirius. ‘We all know I won this game.’

The rest of the carriage erupted into “aw”s, sighs, and theatrical vomiting noises, but neither Remus nor Sirius seemed to notice.