(Untitled)

[rowangrove]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I don't like the term "wife". I'm not against marriage by any means, and I'm generally on that path anyway, but the word (and the concept) are so loaded with negative connotations. The very word is a description relative to someone else. And I swear to God, I will explode in rage the first time I get a

Comments

[kextrii]

From an objective perspective, all else being equal, husband as a term should be regarded in the same light. Of course, it isn't the case that all else is equal... Of course, plenty of other day-to-day terms are defined relative to others... Any kinship relation, bosses and subordinates, friends, and so on. The fact that you have to use the possessive "my" to describe those relationships is an accident of the language -- you don't have to do that in Japanese, for example... But in some cases it does feel like it imparts a subconscious impression of ownership in some cases in English... "My girlfriend", for example, is kind of a contentious phrase in my mind.

More awkward, in my opinion, is the use of the possessive to describe an "ex". The relationship is ended, but it is still described possessively in the present tense.

[littlestaralfur]

let's catch up soon. i have the same aversions to "husband and wife" even the word "wedding." i sorta choke on those words. after living with brian for three years i can't even call him my boyfriend anymore; we refer to each other as partners. if that ever changes it will be a bump up to "spouse"

i'm also not a fan of the proposal, or the engagement ring, though a well-fitted plain white gold band doesn't bother me.

also! i feel bad that i never mailed all of you the final draft of that birth control article i wrote for the workshop. i will try to hunt it down and find it. thanks again for participating.

[rowangrove]

Oh right! Yeah, send me a copy if you can find it, I'd definitely be interested in reading it.

[tenshirei]

That ring rules. Alternately, you could get a marriage tattoo, or a microdermal in your ring finger. Or just have nothing - it seems like a lot of people in Japan don't wear wedding rings. I guess people in the States would be confused though.

Marital terms are so full of sexism. Japanese is even worse about it, with the most common word for husband coming straight from the kanji for master. I guess there are alternatives though. Spouse or partner are both good!

[flamingophoenix]

1. Interesting topic! What do you think about "husband"? It's the same definition-by-others thing, but without all the submission historical garbage. Hmmm.

2. Personally, I hate the "man and wife" phrasing.

3. I too hate the "Mrs. Hisfirstname Ourlastname" thing.

4. Changing your name is a bitch and a half, if you have a job. I recommend against it to people.

4b. I really like the changing to a combined name thing, but Patrick didn't want to do that, so, so it goes. If I had to do it over again, I would just keep my maiden name (see #4 above) but the having-same-name thing is somewhat appealing.

5. Rings are shiny. Isweartogod half the reason I got a wedding ring was so I could do Gollum impressions.

6. Other neat rings: http://greenkarat.com/ Binary! Nucleides (?) ! (We got our rings from there, though we just went with simple ones.)

7. Caramel is delicious!

[flamingophoenix]

OMG: http://www.greenkarat.com/detail.asp?product_id=GW003

[littlestaralfur]

we will do a spin-off of the combined last name, where he legally changes his middle name to my last name, I change my middle name to my last name and then take his last name.

Future spawn will have the same deal. Ex. Bob Smith and Mary Jones get mrrd:
Bob Jones Smith
Mary Jones Smith
Spawn Jones Smith

[rowangrove]

That's pretty clever!

[littlestaralfur]

This might be interesting to you, re engagement rings...
http://www.feministfinance.com/2008/02/dratted-engagement-ring.html

[rowangrove]

Yeah, I've read that one before, it has definitely informed my views!