Hey, I wrote a fanfic!
Title: The Oncoming Pun
Author: Rose Cat
Rating: PG (for mild language)
Fandom: Torchwood, Doctor Who(for guest appearance)
Characters: Jack, Toshiko, Ianto, Gwen, Owen, Tenth Doctor
Spoilers: general for Torchwood and New Who (both for characterization)
Word Count: 995
Summary: What they do when they’re not catching aliens …
Disclaimer: Shows and characters are not mine, I’m just playing with them. (no, not that way)
Author’s Notes: This is set some time after TW S1, after Jack’s return. Subsequent departures from canon can be considered AU. It’s my first fic, so I’d appreciate feedback. Please be kind.
Beta'd by my dear hubby, who was helpful and didn't groan even once.
“Onomatopoeia!”
“Oh, come on, Tosh,” said Owen, “everybody learns that one in grade school.” Toshiko’s face fell as she turned back to her rift calculations.
“Romanadvoratrelundar,” said the Doctor. He was leaning in the doorway of Jack’s office, hands in his pockets.
Toshiko looked up at him, enchanted. “Is that in your language?” He nodded. “How beautiful - it almost sounds like music! What does it mean?”
The Doctor stared past her into the distance. “Just, uh, someone I used to know,” he murmured. His gaze dropped and he scratched his ear nervously for a moment. When he looked up again, his eyes were sparkling mischievously. He wandered out onto the work platform, ruffling his hair with one hand until it stuck out in all directions. “Ohhh , but it was too long for casual conversation, really --introductions could last all day!” One eyebrow arched mischievously as he added, “So, I just called her Fred.”
Gwen was laughing as she got up from the couch and walked over to him. “Oh, you didn’t! Say something else. What’s the name of your planet?”
The Doctor had picked up a shiny metal object from Owen’s desk and was studying it closely. He pulled out his glasses before answering. “Naaah --not very interesting. Isn’t it …“ He cleared his throat. “Isn’t it Jack’s turn again?”
“Raxacoricofallapatorious!” From his relaxed position on the couch, Jack raised his water glass in a mock salute. His booted feet were up on the coffee table, legs crossed. Gwen and Tosh giggled.
Owen scoffed. “Now you’re just making up words.”
Jack folded his arms, indignant. “I am not, it’s a planet. I learned it from the Doctor.”
The Doctor snorted. “And it took you forever to learn to say it properly.”
Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia.”
Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, now who’s making things up? What the hell is that?”
“Ice cream headache,” Owen answered smugly. Tosh spun in her chair to face him. His feet were up on her desk now, next to the keyboard. As he crossed his ankles, the chair tipped back at a precarious angle. His grubby trainers were inches from her face. Tosh smiled sweetly at him and pretended not to notice.
“Somebody’s been studying their medical dictionary,” commented the Doctor as he raised an eyebrow. Jack nodded in approval. “Not bad, Owen.”
Owen’s smirk grew wider as he put his hands behind his head, fingers interlaced, and leaned back even further. The chair creaked ominously. Gwen stretched on tiptoe to whisper in the Doctor’s ear. “Watch. Any minute now he’s going to fall on his ass.” Then she stepped closer to Toshiko’s desk, an impish look in her eyes. “I’ve got one! Owen, you’ll love this.” Tosh turned to face her and their eyes met. They grinned at each other wickedly.
Owen blanched. “Oh no, no, don’t you even-“
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious …”
Tosh stood up and linked arms with Gwen as she joined in, “ … even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious! If you say it loud enough …”
Jack added his surprisingly sweet tenor as the girls swung their free arms in time with the music, “…You’ll always sound precocious,”
And finally the Doctor joined in, “SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!” *
Everyone laughed heartily, except for Owen. “Jack,” asked the Doctor as he plopped onto the couch, “have you ever considered going into musical theater?” Jack grinned crookedly. “Well, now that you mention it …”
“Oh, God,” interjected Ianto as he came down the stairs, his silver tray full of steaming mugs and teacups, “you’re not getting him started on that again!”
As the three of them bantered, Owen scowled. “Bollocks. I just got that damn song out of my head from the last time! And it’s going to be the last time, too, girls --”
“Hang on a minute!” Tosh leapt out of her chair so quickly that Owen flinched. With a sweep of her arm, she shoved his feet off her desk. “It was you who took my Mary Poppins DVD, wasn’t it?”
Owen’s eyes widened. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Owen!” Her eyes flashed. “Where the hell is my DVD?”
Owen shrugged. “I gave it to Myfanwy.” Far above them, the pterodactyl heard her name and squawked. “You know how she likes shiny -“
Tosh exploded. “Owen! You little -“ He let out a squawk of his own as she lunged at him. In two lightning-quick strides the Doctor was between them, giving Tosh his best Oncoming Stare.
“Okay, that’s enough!” Jack’s commanding I’m-the-boss voice stopped everyone in their tracks. “Tosh, why don’t you order another DVD? Get the special edition if you like. Owen, it’s coming out of your next paycheck.”
“But, Jack --” protested Owen. Jack raised a hand. “It’s not open for discussion.” Tosh took a step back, but continued to glare at Owen. “Twat,” she muttered.
Owen resisted the urge to salute her with a rude gesture. Instead, he sighed dramatically and accepted the mug of coffee Ianto handed him. “So, whose turn is it now?”
“Mine,” said Ianto, carefully wiping down the empty tea tray, “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.”
Jack and the Doctor burst into peals of laughter.
Tosh’s mouth dropped open. So did Gwen’s. Owen spat coffee all over Tosh’s keyboard.
Tosh cursed and grabbed Owen’s lab coat from the back of his chair to use as a towel. “Oh, dear,” said the Doctor, producing his sonic screwdriver. “Here, Tosh, let me help.” He turned it to a low setting and began vaporizing coffee from between the keys.
Owen, oblivious, stared at Ianto. “I can’t believe you said that!”
Jack was still chortling. “I can’t believe he said it all in one breath.” He leered suggestively.
Ianto didn’t even crack a smile. ”Of course,” he continued, one eyebrow arching slightly, “estate agents call it Llanfair.”
The Hub echoed with a collective groan. A moment later, the rift alarm went off.
*The song ”Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” was written by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman for the Disney movie “Mary Poppins” (1964). No copyright infringement is intended.
Author: Rose Cat
Rating: PG (for mild language)
Fandom: Torchwood, Doctor Who(for guest appearance)
Characters: Jack, Toshiko, Ianto, Gwen, Owen, Tenth Doctor
Spoilers: general for Torchwood and New Who (both for characterization)
Word Count: 995
Summary: What they do when they’re not catching aliens …
Disclaimer: Shows and characters are not mine, I’m just playing with them. (no, not that way)
Author’s Notes: This is set some time after TW S1, after Jack’s return. Subsequent departures from canon can be considered AU. It’s my first fic, so I’d appreciate feedback. Please be kind.
Beta'd by my dear hubby, who was helpful and didn't groan even once.
“Onomatopoeia!”
“Oh, come on, Tosh,” said Owen, “everybody learns that one in grade school.” Toshiko’s face fell as she turned back to her rift calculations.
“Romanadvoratrelundar,” said the Doctor. He was leaning in the doorway of Jack’s office, hands in his pockets.
Toshiko looked up at him, enchanted. “Is that in your language?” He nodded. “How beautiful - it almost sounds like music! What does it mean?”
The Doctor stared past her into the distance. “Just, uh, someone I used to know,” he murmured. His gaze dropped and he scratched his ear nervously for a moment. When he looked up again, his eyes were sparkling mischievously. He wandered out onto the work platform, ruffling his hair with one hand until it stuck out in all directions. “Ohhh , but it was too long for casual conversation, really --introductions could last all day!” One eyebrow arched mischievously as he added, “So, I just called her Fred.”
Gwen was laughing as she got up from the couch and walked over to him. “Oh, you didn’t! Say something else. What’s the name of your planet?”
The Doctor had picked up a shiny metal object from Owen’s desk and was studying it closely. He pulled out his glasses before answering. “Naaah --not very interesting. Isn’t it …“ He cleared his throat. “Isn’t it Jack’s turn again?”
“Raxacoricofallapatorious!” From his relaxed position on the couch, Jack raised his water glass in a mock salute. His booted feet were up on the coffee table, legs crossed. Gwen and Tosh giggled.
Owen scoffed. “Now you’re just making up words.”
Jack folded his arms, indignant. “I am not, it’s a planet. I learned it from the Doctor.”
The Doctor snorted. “And it took you forever to learn to say it properly.”
Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia.”
Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, now who’s making things up? What the hell is that?”
“Ice cream headache,” Owen answered smugly. Tosh spun in her chair to face him. His feet were up on her desk now, next to the keyboard. As he crossed his ankles, the chair tipped back at a precarious angle. His grubby trainers were inches from her face. Tosh smiled sweetly at him and pretended not to notice.
“Somebody’s been studying their medical dictionary,” commented the Doctor as he raised an eyebrow. Jack nodded in approval. “Not bad, Owen.”
Owen’s smirk grew wider as he put his hands behind his head, fingers interlaced, and leaned back even further. The chair creaked ominously. Gwen stretched on tiptoe to whisper in the Doctor’s ear. “Watch. Any minute now he’s going to fall on his ass.” Then she stepped closer to Toshiko’s desk, an impish look in her eyes. “I’ve got one! Owen, you’ll love this.” Tosh turned to face her and their eyes met. They grinned at each other wickedly.
Owen blanched. “Oh no, no, don’t you even-“
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious …”
Tosh stood up and linked arms with Gwen as she joined in, “ … even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious! If you say it loud enough …”
Jack added his surprisingly sweet tenor as the girls swung their free arms in time with the music, “…You’ll always sound precocious,”
And finally the Doctor joined in, “SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!” *
Everyone laughed heartily, except for Owen. “Jack,” asked the Doctor as he plopped onto the couch, “have you ever considered going into musical theater?” Jack grinned crookedly. “Well, now that you mention it …”
“Oh, God,” interjected Ianto as he came down the stairs, his silver tray full of steaming mugs and teacups, “you’re not getting him started on that again!”
As the three of them bantered, Owen scowled. “Bollocks. I just got that damn song out of my head from the last time! And it’s going to be the last time, too, girls --”
“Hang on a minute!” Tosh leapt out of her chair so quickly that Owen flinched. With a sweep of her arm, she shoved his feet off her desk. “It was you who took my Mary Poppins DVD, wasn’t it?”
Owen’s eyes widened. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Owen!” Her eyes flashed. “Where the hell is my DVD?”
Owen shrugged. “I gave it to Myfanwy.” Far above them, the pterodactyl heard her name and squawked. “You know how she likes shiny -“
Tosh exploded. “Owen! You little -“ He let out a squawk of his own as she lunged at him. In two lightning-quick strides the Doctor was between them, giving Tosh his best Oncoming Stare.
“Okay, that’s enough!” Jack’s commanding I’m-the-boss voice stopped everyone in their tracks. “Tosh, why don’t you order another DVD? Get the special edition if you like. Owen, it’s coming out of your next paycheck.”
“But, Jack --” protested Owen. Jack raised a hand. “It’s not open for discussion.” Tosh took a step back, but continued to glare at Owen. “Twat,” she muttered.
Owen resisted the urge to salute her with a rude gesture. Instead, he sighed dramatically and accepted the mug of coffee Ianto handed him. “So, whose turn is it now?”
“Mine,” said Ianto, carefully wiping down the empty tea tray, “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.”
Jack and the Doctor burst into peals of laughter.
Tosh’s mouth dropped open. So did Gwen’s. Owen spat coffee all over Tosh’s keyboard.
Tosh cursed and grabbed Owen’s lab coat from the back of his chair to use as a towel. “Oh, dear,” said the Doctor, producing his sonic screwdriver. “Here, Tosh, let me help.” He turned it to a low setting and began vaporizing coffee from between the keys.
Owen, oblivious, stared at Ianto. “I can’t believe you said that!”
Jack was still chortling. “I can’t believe he said it all in one breath.” He leered suggestively.
Ianto didn’t even crack a smile. ”Of course,” he continued, one eyebrow arching slightly, “estate agents call it Llanfair.”
The Hub echoed with a collective groan. A moment later, the rift alarm went off.
*The song ”Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” was written by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman for the Disney movie “Mary Poppins” (1964). No copyright infringement is intended.