Numb3rs fic:"Yoke and Cross"
Title: Yoke and cross.
Author: Keenir
The sequel to this is: In Not Knowing.
Universe: the Switch verse: ( In not knowing & Yoke and cross)
PROMPT: Faith.
Pairing: Nikki/Colby, Amita, Liz, Charlie, Don, David, Megan, Alan, Aunt Irene.
Summary: Attending Hanukkah dinner is hard for Nikki when she isn’t feeling well and is missing Colby.
Note to my beta: hey Babnol, you know when you told me “write what you know”? well :P on you. ;)
Takes place one month before the ‘Janus List’ of this ‘verse.
This fic was originally written for the Angst vs Schmoop Challenge at numb3rswriteoff....and it didn't work any better than "in not knowing" did.
Warnings: AU
(two divergences, though a detailed examination of the timeline might reveal a link between the two events - so, two for now)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,120.
Spoilers: Janus List, Trust Metric, Hydra.
Disclaimer: All canon characters are the property of CBS, Heuton & Falacci. All original characters are mine. The news clips are from CNN articles.
References: Sheol. Hanukkah the other cat. the 15th of Av. a cat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why are you frightened? Have you no faith?”
.-Jesus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn’t just at the Eppes place that Nikki Betancourt felt like this. She just happened to be here while she did.
Beforehand, Megan had told her how everyone on the team had an open invitation to holiday dinner - at the Eppes’ Craftsman during Hanukkah, at David’s on Christmas. So she was here, as invited, though without Colby by her side, sitting between Amita and Liz, across from Robin, Don, and one Aunt Irene. Liz’s boy was sitting next to Alan, eyes wide and reflecting the firelight on the candles as one more was lit up. It all blurs together in Nikki’s ears. Conversation and tradition, before and after, effect and cause, her mind gathered it all up and she’s reasonably sure she followed along well eough, but the proper sequence of events was something to be more fully pieced together when she remembered the evening later at night. And some of what didn’t blur and feel out of order, well that wasn’t necessarily even noticed
Concern did that - not often, but she recognized it for what it was on those few occasions when worry eclipsed everything else. She never enjoyed it when it happened, and did all she could to avoid it rearing its ugly head… but her Colby’s absence was something she had no control over, and she knew it. In a different way, she knew he was okay, but there was always the lingering doubt, the hesitation, the worry.
But this - the invitation to the meal with her coworkers - happened only once a year, and she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t attend.
There was bread broken, and Nikki knows how much Colby would enjoy it here - in part because of how this is his favorite type of bread, and in part for a more selfish reason.
And it’d been far too long in Nikki’s considered opinion, far too long for Colby to be incommunicado. And while Nikki knew a few people she might call for a favor, there was no certainty that they’d be able to get in touch with Colby for her - Colby could be limping away from winning a firefight, all comms riddled with bullets; he could be in the middle of important discussions with tribal leaders; he could be… He’s fine, Nikki told herself again, never the once. That was why she knew that calling would be like feeling around in that darkened room for the black cat - it might not be there in the first place; and even if you didn’t find it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t in the room. She shut her eyes to put that thought aside, recent events weighing upon her.
Open the box and can you even see the cat?
“Where did you meet your beau, young lady?” Irene asks her.
“At work, actually,” Nikki says, trying not to wonder if the surname of Don’s aunt is Adler. “The Army sent him to liaise with us on the case.”
“Where, dear, not why,” chiding.
There was no ‘umm…’ about this: “At the vineyard directly south from this house, actually,” remembering Don having remarked about that very fact at the time.
“The days were just starting to get shorter, wheren’t they?” Robin asks, speaking for the first time Nikki’s noticed in this meal.
“Yeah,” Nikki agrees, wondering if anyone else is finding this as surreal - or disjointed - as she is. And figured she was alone in that regard as well, Just as well, she figured.
Irene’s whole manner changes, and as the meal progresses, Nikki comes to have a feeling she’s the old lady’s new best friend. For right now, “That’s how I met my husband,” cheerfully. Then, looking reproachfully at Alan, she told Nikki, “My Joshua gave his full measure of devotion.”
Nikki thanked her for the compliment, promising to share that with Colby when she spoke to him next; but didn’t say the rest of the truth: that Nikki hoped Colby wasn’t giving his last full measure of devotion.
There was no way to know, not with any full certainty. But deep in her heart, Nikki knew he was alive and okay. Knew in a way that had nothing to do with brainsmarts.
While Don groaned and asked that we not do this again this year, Nikki remembered how her roommate back in college would, in the older girl’s moodier days, tell young Betancourt about the abode of silence which went by the name Dumah, a place where all were equal, and where all were dead. The pious, the smart, the dumbbells, the unbelievers, ad infinitum. It is times such as this that Nikki wonders if this is where Shroedinger’s cat went, assuming the cat’s name isn’t Nikki.
No way to tell if the outside world was mourning Colby alongside his fellow soldiers, or if Colby was mourning with the world for his fellow soldiers.
Each candle represented a day the oil failed to give out on those who needed it. Each pillar of wax for those who had faith in Him who kept the fire burning because they believed in Him. ‘Faith is rewarded’ Nikki had always heard, growing up.
But faith meant not having any evidence. ‘Faith is not proof’ and variants thereof, where also heard in her childhood. And without any signs or other evidence one way or another, there was only a heavy faith that pressed the heart’s loneliness to the forefront. Colby, Nikki thought, wishing he had been granted leave to come home for the holiday.
Even a burning candle was proof in its way. And she had not even the satisfaction of that small comfort.
And maybe it was the setting, maybe it was the culmination of everything. But Nikki remembered one of the conclusions she had long ago gained from Sunday School: that mortals can bargain with God. And so, bowing her head, Nikki didn’t pray. No, in her thoughts, she gave serious thought to offering God what she always thought surely every deity would want: she offered to convert…if Colby came home.
Alan started to ask if she was okay, only to be shushed by Irene.
But the Betancourt dinner table had always been divided on this. Nikki had grown up hearing two accounts:
1) It’s a sin to try bribing God or telling Him what to do.
2) God will not do all the work for you: you have to do some of it yourself to prove you’re serious about wanting it.
Irene urged Nikki to take a larger part in the events of this evening, during dinner and as everyone sat around afterward.
Colby. Faith had carried her this far. Light the candles, Nikki thought, knowing that it was probably a bad mixing of metaphors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
Quote: ‘And the Talmud tells us that many years ago the "daughters of Jerusalem would go dance in the vineyards" on the 15th of Av, and "whoever did not have a wife would go there" to find himself a bride.’
Author: Keenir
The sequel to this is: In Not Knowing.
Universe: the Switch verse: ( In not knowing & Yoke and cross)
PROMPT: Faith.
Pairing: Nikki/Colby, Amita, Liz, Charlie, Don, David, Megan, Alan, Aunt Irene.
Summary: Attending Hanukkah dinner is hard for Nikki when she isn’t feeling well and is missing Colby.
Note to my beta: hey Babnol, you know when you told me “write what you know”? well :P on you. ;)
Takes place one month before the ‘Janus List’ of this ‘verse.
This fic was originally written for the Angst vs Schmoop Challenge at numb3rswriteoff....and it didn't work any better than "in not knowing" did.
Warnings: AU
(two divergences, though a detailed examination of the timeline might reveal a link between the two events - so, two for now)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,120.
Spoilers: Janus List, Trust Metric, Hydra.
Disclaimer: All canon characters are the property of CBS, Heuton & Falacci. All original characters are mine. The news clips are from CNN articles.
References: Sheol. Hanukkah the other cat. the 15th of Av. a cat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why are you frightened? Have you no faith?”
.-Jesus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn’t just at the Eppes place that Nikki Betancourt felt like this. She just happened to be here while she did.
Beforehand, Megan had told her how everyone on the team had an open invitation to holiday dinner - at the Eppes’ Craftsman during Hanukkah, at David’s on Christmas. So she was here, as invited, though without Colby by her side, sitting between Amita and Liz, across from Robin, Don, and one Aunt Irene. Liz’s boy was sitting next to Alan, eyes wide and reflecting the firelight on the candles as one more was lit up. It all blurs together in Nikki’s ears. Conversation and tradition, before and after, effect and cause, her mind gathered it all up and she’s reasonably sure she followed along well eough, but the proper sequence of events was something to be more fully pieced together when she remembered the evening later at night. And some of what didn’t blur and feel out of order, well that wasn’t necessarily even noticed
Concern did that - not often, but she recognized it for what it was on those few occasions when worry eclipsed everything else. She never enjoyed it when it happened, and did all she could to avoid it rearing its ugly head… but her Colby’s absence was something she had no control over, and she knew it. In a different way, she knew he was okay, but there was always the lingering doubt, the hesitation, the worry.
But this - the invitation to the meal with her coworkers - happened only once a year, and she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t attend.
There was bread broken, and Nikki knows how much Colby would enjoy it here - in part because of how this is his favorite type of bread, and in part for a more selfish reason.
And it’d been far too long in Nikki’s considered opinion, far too long for Colby to be incommunicado. And while Nikki knew a few people she might call for a favor, there was no certainty that they’d be able to get in touch with Colby for her - Colby could be limping away from winning a firefight, all comms riddled with bullets; he could be in the middle of important discussions with tribal leaders; he could be… He’s fine, Nikki told herself again, never the once. That was why she knew that calling would be like feeling around in that darkened room for the black cat - it might not be there in the first place; and even if you didn’t find it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t in the room. She shut her eyes to put that thought aside, recent events weighing upon her.
Open the box and can you even see the cat?
“Where did you meet your beau, young lady?” Irene asks her.
“At work, actually,” Nikki says, trying not to wonder if the surname of Don’s aunt is Adler. “The Army sent him to liaise with us on the case.”
“Where, dear, not why,” chiding.
There was no ‘umm…’ about this: “At the vineyard directly south from this house, actually,” remembering Don having remarked about that very fact at the time.
“The days were just starting to get shorter, wheren’t they?” Robin asks, speaking for the first time Nikki’s noticed in this meal.
“Yeah,” Nikki agrees, wondering if anyone else is finding this as surreal - or disjointed - as she is. And figured she was alone in that regard as well, Just as well, she figured.
Irene’s whole manner changes, and as the meal progresses, Nikki comes to have a feeling she’s the old lady’s new best friend. For right now, “That’s how I met my husband,” cheerfully. Then, looking reproachfully at Alan, she told Nikki, “My Joshua gave his full measure of devotion.”
Nikki thanked her for the compliment, promising to share that with Colby when she spoke to him next; but didn’t say the rest of the truth: that Nikki hoped Colby wasn’t giving his last full measure of devotion.
There was no way to know, not with any full certainty. But deep in her heart, Nikki knew he was alive and okay. Knew in a way that had nothing to do with brainsmarts.
While Don groaned and asked that we not do this again this year, Nikki remembered how her roommate back in college would, in the older girl’s moodier days, tell young Betancourt about the abode of silence which went by the name Dumah, a place where all were equal, and where all were dead. The pious, the smart, the dumbbells, the unbelievers, ad infinitum. It is times such as this that Nikki wonders if this is where Shroedinger’s cat went, assuming the cat’s name isn’t Nikki.
No way to tell if the outside world was mourning Colby alongside his fellow soldiers, or if Colby was mourning with the world for his fellow soldiers.
Each candle represented a day the oil failed to give out on those who needed it. Each pillar of wax for those who had faith in Him who kept the fire burning because they believed in Him. ‘Faith is rewarded’ Nikki had always heard, growing up.
But faith meant not having any evidence. ‘Faith is not proof’ and variants thereof, where also heard in her childhood. And without any signs or other evidence one way or another, there was only a heavy faith that pressed the heart’s loneliness to the forefront. Colby, Nikki thought, wishing he had been granted leave to come home for the holiday.
Even a burning candle was proof in its way. And she had not even the satisfaction of that small comfort.
And maybe it was the setting, maybe it was the culmination of everything. But Nikki remembered one of the conclusions she had long ago gained from Sunday School: that mortals can bargain with God. And so, bowing her head, Nikki didn’t pray. No, in her thoughts, she gave serious thought to offering God what she always thought surely every deity would want: she offered to convert…if Colby came home.
Alan started to ask if she was okay, only to be shushed by Irene.
But the Betancourt dinner table had always been divided on this. Nikki had grown up hearing two accounts:
1) It’s a sin to try bribing God or telling Him what to do.
2) God will not do all the work for you: you have to do some of it yourself to prove you’re serious about wanting it.
Irene urged Nikki to take a larger part in the events of this evening, during dinner and as everyone sat around afterward.
Colby. Faith had carried her this far. Light the candles, Nikki thought, knowing that it was probably a bad mixing of metaphors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
Quote: ‘And the Talmud tells us that many years ago the "daughters of Jerusalem would go dance in the vineyards" on the 15th of Av, and "whoever did not have a wife would go there" to find himself a bride.’