LESSONS: Friends Lists, Psychic One-Night Stands
I've been doing a lot of thinking about Friends Lists. Mine's not impressive and floating around 30 - 40. Actually, it's even less than that because MySpace doesn't delete invisible (Deleted) accounts. They remain as Ghost IDs that float on your Number Count.
I've thought a lot about the meaning of Friends. Just what are friends. When I look at people's Friends Lists, a lot of them seem superficial and diluted. I had 750 Friends on there, but my Bulletin became so chaotic with all the Bulletins being posted. I never read any of them.
The most disappointing experience I had was where I actually had to delete a person who was worth keeping as a Friend, but we had a falling out:
I don't expect people to take me seriously on what I say, which is fine. However, I really had serious issues with Kelly trying to reinterpret one of the Dreams. Things got even worse because it set off my Alarm.
I said 10/5/2005 that Kelly's actions were where she "shoved me away" a bit too hard and I "accidentally fell over," When I fell over, it resulted in 12 people dying in a bus crash and 21 people drowning in a boat.
Kelly probably doesn't believe me when I said that we were the cause of those two incidents, but I know my Readings. I was extremely upset at her, and I feel I had a right to be angry because that's negligence and it resulted in 33 people dying.
How would you like it if you had a loved one that dyed in a senseless accident? Wouldn't you be upset? Especially if you found out it was because of two Psychics having a trivial disagreement?
I had told Kelly that Communication is Sex, and it struck a nerve with her because when women look at it the wrong way, it looks like it's a guy impressing themselves on the female.
However, people have to realize that when Computers "link up," it's sexual. When your Computer plugs into a Dial-Up, Cable, or DSL modem, it's sexual. People may think I just have a perverted mind always thinking about sex, but that is a true statement.
When your Web Browser plugs into a Host Server, that's sexual. The union between your Computer and the Host Server "gives birth" to a Web Page. That is what is cut and dried in simple terms.
I said Human Beings are like Host Servers:
Some people aren't intellectually equipped to deal with the idea of Psychic Communication being sexual. So when I told Kelly that I had been linking up to her in a sexual or intimate way, it struck a nerve with her.
That's understandable, but the result of that altercation was that 33 people died because of it. It was the Planet sending a message that human beings can't have that kind of attitude. The Planet knew that people would try to take a similar type of possessive approach.
It's because of this bad incident that my budding friendship with Kelly was crippled. I got mad at her, and she didn't take well to it, which is understandable. Nobody likes to be accused of being the result of Death toward other people.
That's downright disturbing. No one wants to believe that. Because I'm the currently the only one that publicly stakes claim to this ideal, it's very difficult to get support and anyone else who has been following along wouldn't publicly admit that they subscribe to such ideals.
You're getting what you'd call "Closet Rod Followers" that secretly agree or believe in it, but you'd never catch them openly admitting it around their friends because they all know that it could cause complications.
I've already lost friends over my Psychic Theory. That's how people are. They either become uncomfortable talking to you because you two are no longer on the same wavelength, and some will even go as far as completely detach from you.
Ironically, we come back to Communication as Sex. When you start talking about "freaky subjects," you're technically trying to engage in really bizare "verbal sex acts." Those Verbal Sex Acts are so way out there and crazy that people get uncomfortable.
Once again, we come back to why I keep on bitching and complaining about the task that was set before me. It's a really crappy assignment because there's a lot of work involved. On top of that, you really restrict your social life and love life.
There are very few people who will willingly and easily submit to your way of thinking and it leads to a very lonely lifestlye. As I said, I was properly groomed for this. I spent December 1994 - June 1998 in seclusion. I was practically a Monk.
Nobody talked to me with exception to grue23 visiting me during Christmas Break when he'd come up to Washington State from California to see his parents. I got accustomed to being alone and where you learn to entertain yourself being alone with your thoughts.
Most people would've gone nuts being alone and with no social contact. I got used to being a loner. That's what has helped me cope with being alone. Make no mistake. It's a lonely life. I'm practically trailblazing a lot of territory and you do it alone and completely disjointed and separated from society.
Most people are groomed to require social interaction. That's why few people are as qualified to do this job and go for long periods of time without any communication with anyone. I can get away with posting my thoughts on my Journal and it's like talking to my Journal.
If you saw "Cast Away" with Tom Hanks, you see how he's talking to the Volleyball. That's how he maintains his sanity (or what's left of it). My Live Journal is my Volleyball "Spaulding." You spend your life alone like you're on an island.
RON BURGUNDY: (sobbing over Baxter getting kicked off the Bridge) I'm trapped in a Glass Case of Emotion!!!
It's a humorous scene with Ron Burgundy in the Phone Booth, but it's really a true statement. That's what it's like. You can be completely surrounded by people and in a crowd, but still be alone. You can be surrounded by people, but really be on an island alone.
People wonder what it's like to be Psychologically discriminated against and walking among people separated. If you want to find out, just start talking about Psychic Phenomenon and crazy ideas that no one has every heard of, and you'll have a one-way ticket to your own personal island. Alone.
People can criticize how I'm loopy or nutty, but that's one of the saving graces that keeps me sane so that I can keep on plugging away with what I'm doing. If I didn't have that loopy sense of humor, my mind would've gone into mental shutdown and fallen apart drowning and wallowing in depression.
I have to mention all this stuff because years from now, you're going to get really rude, disrespectful people that are going to come at me not impressed or at all sympathetic to the hardships and trials I've had to endure and just spit all over me because I offend whatever Religion or Spiritual Icons that they hold dear.
That's how people are. No sympathy at all. They only see things form their perspective. If you want to see what cruel humans can be, you should watch some of the things people do and people say to me. Especially those who think I'm a fake and a fraud. People can be downright nasty when they want to be.
This is where we come back to pondering what True Friends are. I was fortunate to have Scott as an example of a True Friend. His Conscious Mind stuck by me as long as he could, but eventually he had to fall by the way side.
I was reading Taryn Thomas' Bulletin. Her Manager made a bet with her. She was claiming that the people she had were friends. He said that if they're really friends, ask them to send them money to a P.O. Box to see if they're really serious.
It's a bit crude, but it's sort of a good test. Well... It's not that money can really prove if someone is your friend or not, but you can definitely argue the point that people who are willing to send you money have a higher likeliihood of being your friend than others.
I remember this one time when I didn't have any money and Scott had come up for Christmas and wanted us to go eat out at a Sushi Restaurant. I told him honestly that I had no money because I was jobless at the time. I only had $3.00 in my wallet.
Scott said it was okay. He said something I'll never forget that I've cherished. He said, "When it comes to friends and money, it all events out in the end."
I was very touched by that. Call me sappy, but I almost broke down and cried in front of him. That's just an indication of why I've always remained loyal to Scott. Those are the bonds of friendship.
That's why I sometimes find what Davis does as offensive. Davis tries to borrow money from me me all the time. It really bothers me, and I feel exploited. Davis would take a nonchalant attitude and say, "Well, you could always just say no."
What offends me is that he ALWAYS asks to borrow money. I never ask for money. I HATE asking for money. I have NEVER had to ask for money. The only time I've really asked for money from my mom is because Davis prompted me to ask money from her and he used a guilt trip on me.
I said I was in "Labor" Summer 2004 so I wasn't focused on the business we had. So Davis said that since I wasn't contributing, he felt justified in asking me to provide financial support if I'm not going to be proactive. I shouldn't have had to do so because I was "giving birth" to a really important cause.
However, because Davis doesn't see it that way, I humored him. That's why it still burns me with the apathetic behavior he exhibits where he tries to turn it on me and say that the loans from my mom were in support of the business.
He always says that the money that he's borrowed from me is a really small amount beause Film & Entertainment is a billion dollar industry. I think that's a real cop-out. Try saying that to me when you need the money.
When Davis needed the money, you should've seen how nice, accommodating, sweet, and attentive he was when it came to listening. As soon as the money ran dry, he turned cold and would front this attitude with me talking about how he's not going to be "controlled."
I claim that's an example of biting the hand that feeds you. When you need money from someone, you're all nice and accommodating. However, as soon as you get the money and don't need the person anymore, you suddenly turn hard again.
I see this all the time with people who want Psychic Readings from me. They're all interested and fascinated in getting a reading. However, as soon as I do a Reading from them, that's the last I ever hear from them again. I said 1/29/2006 that those people are like "Psychic One-Night Stands."
They're people who approach me like an attractive female who want to get me into bed. However, as soon as I put out (give them a reading), they're out the door. Not even with a simple thank-you. That's it. They're gone.
That's why I take this standoffish attitude. Maybe it won't make me any friends and I'll be banded as anti-social, but you put so much hope into developing a meaningful relationship by being accommodating only to be disappointed.
This is why I stated that you'll always find this hint of sorrow and bitterness that will surface every now and then because I had to sacrifice a really good friendship with Scott. I had to stick to my Principles and follow a course that Scott didn't agree with or believe in.
I had to set aside my friendship with Scott for the Greater Good and to rescue 7 billion (ungrateful) people. I say they're ungrateful because they really don't know what I had to give up that was important to me. Perhaps it's not as bad as I make it out to be between me and Scott, but that "thing" is just hanging over us.
I can't have a normal conversation with Scott at this time. There are all these things left unsaid. If you watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," it's like those two being assassins and they can't talk to each other. They're not on the same wavelength.
That's what Mothers and Parents have to do. As a Parent and especially a Mother, you have to give up your own personal dreams, aspirations, and goals and put your child first. Scott was important to me, but I had to sacrfice my friendship with him because I couldn't back down on my Principles and knowing that people's lives were at stake.
I'm not trying to say that this is any Holy or Noble thing that I'm doing where people should be kissing my ass and feeling grateful. All I'm saying is that Scott was my best friend and one of the few things I cherished in this life, and I had to put it on hold.
It would've been so much easier to just back down and say, "Okay, Scott. I'll humor you and go to a Psychiatrist and get myself checked out." I couldn't do it because I knew that I was correct about Psychic Phenomenon and there was nothing wrong with my senses and my Readings.
We haven't spoken since. Maybe it's pride. Maybe we're just too busy, but I just can't talk to Scott right now until I prove to him beyond a doubt that I was correct and that I wasn't imagining things.
That's where you get a poignant perspective where it shows the loneliness and the sadness that comes with this job. It's just like being a U.S. Soldier and sent off to Iraq, and you can't come home until your job is done.
You don't want to be there, but you're forced to be there. You don't have a choice. That's how it is. That's why I said I'm like Corporal Klinger from M.A.S.H. who wears dresses trying to get out of the army, but is unsuccessful.
I've thought a lot about the meaning of Friends. Just what are friends. When I look at people's Friends Lists, a lot of them seem superficial and diluted. I had 750 Friends on there, but my Bulletin became so chaotic with all the Bulletins being posted. I never read any of them.
The most disappointing experience I had was where I actually had to delete a person who was worth keeping as a Friend, but we had a falling out:
- I really liked Kelly Deva a lot. She's really sweet and nice
- On top of that, she's extremely attractive, intelligent. AND a Dream Clairvoyant. It's extremely rare
- However, we had a dispute 9/29/2005
- We disagreed on an Interpretation of one of her Dreams
I don't expect people to take me seriously on what I say, which is fine. However, I really had serious issues with Kelly trying to reinterpret one of the Dreams. Things got even worse because it set off my Alarm.
I said 10/5/2005 that Kelly's actions were where she "shoved me away" a bit too hard and I "accidentally fell over," When I fell over, it resulted in 12 people dying in a bus crash and 21 people drowning in a boat.
Kelly probably doesn't believe me when I said that we were the cause of those two incidents, but I know my Readings. I was extremely upset at her, and I feel I had a right to be angry because that's negligence and it resulted in 33 people dying.
How would you like it if you had a loved one that dyed in a senseless accident? Wouldn't you be upset? Especially if you found out it was because of two Psychics having a trivial disagreement?
I had told Kelly that Communication is Sex, and it struck a nerve with her because when women look at it the wrong way, it looks like it's a guy impressing themselves on the female.
However, people have to realize that when Computers "link up," it's sexual. When your Computer plugs into a Dial-Up, Cable, or DSL modem, it's sexual. People may think I just have a perverted mind always thinking about sex, but that is a true statement.
When your Web Browser plugs into a Host Server, that's sexual. The union between your Computer and the Host Server "gives birth" to a Web Page. That is what is cut and dried in simple terms.
I said Human Beings are like Host Servers:
- How would you like it if Host Servers (like women) refused to allow you to "plug into them"?
- How would you like it if you're going to Google.com and instead of getting linked to it, you get this error message that says, "I don't feel like it"
- How would you like it if you tried to go to Amazon.com and instead of connecting, you get an error message that says, "I have a monogamous relationship with my Boyfriend eBay.com."
Some people aren't intellectually equipped to deal with the idea of Psychic Communication being sexual. So when I told Kelly that I had been linking up to her in a sexual or intimate way, it struck a nerve with her.
That's understandable, but the result of that altercation was that 33 people died because of it. It was the Planet sending a message that human beings can't have that kind of attitude. The Planet knew that people would try to take a similar type of possessive approach.
It's because of this bad incident that my budding friendship with Kelly was crippled. I got mad at her, and she didn't take well to it, which is understandable. Nobody likes to be accused of being the result of Death toward other people.
That's downright disturbing. No one wants to believe that. Because I'm the currently the only one that publicly stakes claim to this ideal, it's very difficult to get support and anyone else who has been following along wouldn't publicly admit that they subscribe to such ideals.
You're getting what you'd call "Closet Rod Followers" that secretly agree or believe in it, but you'd never catch them openly admitting it around their friends because they all know that it could cause complications.
I've already lost friends over my Psychic Theory. That's how people are. They either become uncomfortable talking to you because you two are no longer on the same wavelength, and some will even go as far as completely detach from you.
Ironically, we come back to Communication as Sex. When you start talking about "freaky subjects," you're technically trying to engage in really bizare "verbal sex acts." Those Verbal Sex Acts are so way out there and crazy that people get uncomfortable.
Once again, we come back to why I keep on bitching and complaining about the task that was set before me. It's a really crappy assignment because there's a lot of work involved. On top of that, you really restrict your social life and love life.
There are very few people who will willingly and easily submit to your way of thinking and it leads to a very lonely lifestlye. As I said, I was properly groomed for this. I spent December 1994 - June 1998 in seclusion. I was practically a Monk.
Nobody talked to me with exception to grue23 visiting me during Christmas Break when he'd come up to Washington State from California to see his parents. I got accustomed to being alone and where you learn to entertain yourself being alone with your thoughts.
Most people would've gone nuts being alone and with no social contact. I got used to being a loner. That's what has helped me cope with being alone. Make no mistake. It's a lonely life. I'm practically trailblazing a lot of territory and you do it alone and completely disjointed and separated from society.
Most people are groomed to require social interaction. That's why few people are as qualified to do this job and go for long periods of time without any communication with anyone. I can get away with posting my thoughts on my Journal and it's like talking to my Journal.
If you saw "Cast Away" with Tom Hanks, you see how he's talking to the Volleyball. That's how he maintains his sanity (or what's left of it). My Live Journal is my Volleyball "Spaulding." You spend your life alone like you're on an island.
RON BURGUNDY: (sobbing over Baxter getting kicked off the Bridge) I'm trapped in a Glass Case of Emotion!!!
It's a humorous scene with Ron Burgundy in the Phone Booth, but it's really a true statement. That's what it's like. You can be completely surrounded by people and in a crowd, but still be alone. You can be surrounded by people, but really be on an island alone.
People wonder what it's like to be Psychologically discriminated against and walking among people separated. If you want to find out, just start talking about Psychic Phenomenon and crazy ideas that no one has every heard of, and you'll have a one-way ticket to your own personal island. Alone.
People can criticize how I'm loopy or nutty, but that's one of the saving graces that keeps me sane so that I can keep on plugging away with what I'm doing. If I didn't have that loopy sense of humor, my mind would've gone into mental shutdown and fallen apart drowning and wallowing in depression.
I have to mention all this stuff because years from now, you're going to get really rude, disrespectful people that are going to come at me not impressed or at all sympathetic to the hardships and trials I've had to endure and just spit all over me because I offend whatever Religion or Spiritual Icons that they hold dear.
That's how people are. No sympathy at all. They only see things form their perspective. If you want to see what cruel humans can be, you should watch some of the things people do and people say to me. Especially those who think I'm a fake and a fraud. People can be downright nasty when they want to be.
This is where we come back to pondering what True Friends are. I was fortunate to have Scott as an example of a True Friend. His Conscious Mind stuck by me as long as he could, but eventually he had to fall by the way side.
- When I look at all the people who post that they have 60,000 friends, I have to admit that I'm skeptical.
- I look at all those people and they're just numbers.
- Do you really know those people?
- Would they really be there for you?
I was reading Taryn Thomas' Bulletin. Her Manager made a bet with her. She was claiming that the people she had were friends. He said that if they're really friends, ask them to send them money to a P.O. Box to see if they're really serious.
It's a bit crude, but it's sort of a good test. Well... It's not that money can really prove if someone is your friend or not, but you can definitely argue the point that people who are willing to send you money have a higher likeliihood of being your friend than others.
I remember this one time when I didn't have any money and Scott had come up for Christmas and wanted us to go eat out at a Sushi Restaurant. I told him honestly that I had no money because I was jobless at the time. I only had $3.00 in my wallet.
Scott said it was okay. He said something I'll never forget that I've cherished. He said, "When it comes to friends and money, it all events out in the end."
I was very touched by that. Call me sappy, but I almost broke down and cried in front of him. That's just an indication of why I've always remained loyal to Scott. Those are the bonds of friendship.
That's why I sometimes find what Davis does as offensive. Davis tries to borrow money from me me all the time. It really bothers me, and I feel exploited. Davis would take a nonchalant attitude and say, "Well, you could always just say no."
What offends me is that he ALWAYS asks to borrow money. I never ask for money. I HATE asking for money. I have NEVER had to ask for money. The only time I've really asked for money from my mom is because Davis prompted me to ask money from her and he used a guilt trip on me.
I said I was in "Labor" Summer 2004 so I wasn't focused on the business we had. So Davis said that since I wasn't contributing, he felt justified in asking me to provide financial support if I'm not going to be proactive. I shouldn't have had to do so because I was "giving birth" to a really important cause.
However, because Davis doesn't see it that way, I humored him. That's why it still burns me with the apathetic behavior he exhibits where he tries to turn it on me and say that the loans from my mom were in support of the business.
He always says that the money that he's borrowed from me is a really small amount beause Film & Entertainment is a billion dollar industry. I think that's a real cop-out. Try saying that to me when you need the money.
When Davis needed the money, you should've seen how nice, accommodating, sweet, and attentive he was when it came to listening. As soon as the money ran dry, he turned cold and would front this attitude with me talking about how he's not going to be "controlled."
I claim that's an example of biting the hand that feeds you. When you need money from someone, you're all nice and accommodating. However, as soon as you get the money and don't need the person anymore, you suddenly turn hard again.
I see this all the time with people who want Psychic Readings from me. They're all interested and fascinated in getting a reading. However, as soon as I do a Reading from them, that's the last I ever hear from them again. I said 1/29/2006 that those people are like "Psychic One-Night Stands."
They're people who approach me like an attractive female who want to get me into bed. However, as soon as I put out (give them a reading), they're out the door. Not even with a simple thank-you. That's it. They're gone.
That's why I take this standoffish attitude. Maybe it won't make me any friends and I'll be banded as anti-social, but you put so much hope into developing a meaningful relationship by being accommodating only to be disappointed.
This is why I stated that you'll always find this hint of sorrow and bitterness that will surface every now and then because I had to sacrifice a really good friendship with Scott. I had to stick to my Principles and follow a course that Scott didn't agree with or believe in.
I had to set aside my friendship with Scott for the Greater Good and to rescue 7 billion (ungrateful) people. I say they're ungrateful because they really don't know what I had to give up that was important to me. Perhaps it's not as bad as I make it out to be between me and Scott, but that "thing" is just hanging over us.
I can't have a normal conversation with Scott at this time. There are all these things left unsaid. If you watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," it's like those two being assassins and they can't talk to each other. They're not on the same wavelength.
That's what Mothers and Parents have to do. As a Parent and especially a Mother, you have to give up your own personal dreams, aspirations, and goals and put your child first. Scott was important to me, but I had to sacrfice my friendship with him because I couldn't back down on my Principles and knowing that people's lives were at stake.
I'm not trying to say that this is any Holy or Noble thing that I'm doing where people should be kissing my ass and feeling grateful. All I'm saying is that Scott was my best friend and one of the few things I cherished in this life, and I had to put it on hold.
It would've been so much easier to just back down and say, "Okay, Scott. I'll humor you and go to a Psychiatrist and get myself checked out." I couldn't do it because I knew that I was correct about Psychic Phenomenon and there was nothing wrong with my senses and my Readings.
We haven't spoken since. Maybe it's pride. Maybe we're just too busy, but I just can't talk to Scott right now until I prove to him beyond a doubt that I was correct and that I wasn't imagining things.
That's where you get a poignant perspective where it shows the loneliness and the sadness that comes with this job. It's just like being a U.S. Soldier and sent off to Iraq, and you can't come home until your job is done.
You don't want to be there, but you're forced to be there. You don't have a choice. That's how it is. That's why I said I'm like Corporal Klinger from M.A.S.H. who wears dresses trying to get out of the army, but is unsuccessful.