carry my joy on the left; carry my pain on the right. (addended)

[ro6ot]

first, some dreams:

I woke up in the middle of this long very lucid articulate apology/ explanation, as far as i can remember my brain was making to me. That is somewhat of a constructed interpretation- but I knew at the time that it was both to and from me. It was like an apology for everything, literally but also more specifically everything I

Comments

[sagaciousme9000]

As Mark used to say..."in 50 years, who will give a shit".

Or, as Y most eloquently said, very recently, you can't be happy with others until you are happy with yourself. People aren't crutches, they're just people. Stand on your own.

....or words to that effect. Actually I think maybe I said that to Y. Dont recall. Nice thought, though.

[ro6ot]

depending on how one deals with one's shit, in two WEEKS who will give a shit. in two HOURS if you try hard enough. that's how it works: got a problem? easiest way to solve it= get a worse problem! ("hey alcohol, how you doin tonight? you lookin FINE to me! oh, come a little closer when you say that!" etc etc.

An interesting thing about people is that actually, they CAN be crutches, and 'just' people at the same time. Maybe some people somewhere can stand totally on their own, but its not me, its not you, and its not yael; thats why these conversations happen, is actually we ARE trying to help each other and ourselves simultaneously. its finding the right balance of all standing as tall as we each can without relying too much on anybody for more support than they can and/or should give. Balance- its never as easy to find as it looks to maintain once achieved. right?

[kitty_scarboro]

talk about this tonight?

you and i (i think) end up traveling similar emotional paths with such issues.

i have come to embrace the below - i want all my lovers hopefully end up in my life as long term friends - so maybe i am just skipping the more angsty part of it.....

"it's just, have YOU ever gotten this: "We shouldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend, because we get along too well and we have too much in common." Or "I thought about it, and I realized that I actually DON'T have a crush on you, I just want you in my life."

[mathwontmissyou]

rob, play a show in milwaukee. and we'll talk about this. and other things. it will be good/fun/exciting/interesting/mindblowing/universe expanding.

[ro6ot]

I hope to, sometime. I don't know how soon it can be, nor how to figure out when, even. but I look forward to it.

[mathwontmissyou]

basically, you should play my summer beach jam picnic dance party potoato sack race sandcastle building festival in may! do it!

hi rob this is kate and...

[anonymous]

...I read your live journal but don't be afraid.

I have a story for you. This one friend of mine, right? We'll call him Dave. Dave periodically went through the following cycle:
1) "I like Girl X, she's so smart and pretty."
2) "But she'll never like me, I'm a shitty person whom no one can like."
3) "Wow, Girl X actually likes me back!"
4) "But wait a minute, I'm a shitty person whom no one can like."
5) "Girl X must not be as smart as I thought she was, if she can like someone as shitty as me."
6) "And I can't like anyone who's not smart."

Repeat ad infinitum (or, if you're me and having to listen to it, ad nauseam).

You are smart and nice-looking, and you sing a mean sea shanty. Don't be like Dave.

love
Kate

hi kate!(if you are still around)

[ro6ot]

thank you for the nice lil note. so not afraid. (maybe should be?) I'm so glad you liked the sea shanty!
Thanks for the perspective- I'm not like Dave, I think. I'm like Rob instead though. which is a different, changing loop. but: I'm lernding! (so much.)
thanks-
love indeed.

oh, I'm around.

[anonymous]

You're welcome.
Being like Rob is better, so is learning. (Better than what? Ahh...)

k