Going Under- Smallville songfic
Title: Going Under
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Chlark; a brief mention of Clana; hints at other Clark-oriented ships.
Spoilers: General spoilers for the series, but heavy on Fade and Vessel.
Disclaimer: If I owned Smallville, Clark and Chloe would have gotten together a freaking long time ago. So, yeah, whatever.
Summary: There's no escaping Clark Kent.
Notes: This was originally intended as sort of a dark fic, and it still is, just not as dark as I'd originally imagined. It's more or less a Smallville-based retelling of a *NSYNC-based story I wrote and posted on my web site a few years ago, and a few moments in this story mimic the original story. The majority of this could be classified as a "deleted scene" from Fade.
She sat in the corner of her dorm room, her legs bunched up against her chest, the tears falling freely from her sad eyes. She was suddenly glad that her roommate was out. So didn't want anyone to see her like this. So weakened... so destroyed.
And it was all because of him. It wasn't his fault, no, but it was because of him.
It hurt to even think about him now, but here she was, thinking about him.
*Now I will tell you what I've done for you*
"It's not exactly a walk in the park to see the person you love in the arms of someone else." she'd said. She spoke with experience. She knew how that felt. She'd spied him in the arms of Lana and a few other girls in the past few years, and it broke her fragile heart every time. She was beginning to think that there was no way for it to ever mend.
"You have no idea how hard it was to see them like that. It was like I couldn't breathe." he'd said, and her face had fallen a little more.
She did have an idea. He'd just described how hard it was for her. How hard it'd always been for her.
"I'm sorry you had to find out that way." She managed to say. "I know how much it must have hurt."
And she did.
The scene Clark had described had very much reminded her of when she'd caught he and Lana in his loft several years before, on the evening before Lex's second wedding. Though they hadn't even been dating, she'd felt utterly betrayed.
That night, she'd cried as much as she was crying now.
*Fifty thousand tears I've cried*
She came home thirty minutes after they'd talked, and she'd been sitting there in the corner, thinking, sobbing for nearly an hour now.
She thought of when she'd discovered his secret, and of when he'd discovered that she knew.
She'd lied for him so much, just to protect him. To Lana. To others. But especially to Lana. She'd been on the outs with her roommates for weeks. They hardly spoke now.
It almost seemed like it was all for nothing.
*Screaming
Deceiving
And bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Going under)*
She tried so hard to be strong. To forget her feelings, to forget her heart. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes she convinced herself that she didn't need him.
*Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented
Daily defeated by you*
But she did need him.
She needed him like she needed to breathe.
She'd look into his eyes, those perfectly beautiful, perfectly bluish-green eyes of his, and she was lost again. Lost in him, in his essence.
*Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again*
She knew she was perfect for him. They complimented each other well.
But all he could see was the best friend. The confidante. The sidekick. The one who was there to get him out of any messes.
So that's who she pretended to be.
*Blurring
And stirring
The truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not*
A part of her beat herself up for that. She knew better than to let herself be part of some fantasy, even if it was for his sake.
*Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again*
She squeezed her eyes shut and banished away all her thoughts, longing to feel blank, but his face entered her mind.
He was driving her crazy. She had the feeling she'd end up like her mother. But it wasn't his fault. No, it wouldn't be. It'd be her own.
She wanted to scream at herself, but found that she couldn't.
*So go on and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away*
She slowly stood from her spot on the floor and walked over to the only mirror in the room.
She stared at herself, studying the tears on her pale cheeks, and bit her lip as she made a promise to herself.
*I won't be broken again*
She'd get over him. She'd make herself get over Clark. She'd slowly begin to focus on her career, and on being the sidekick. Not the facade she had put up, but the real thing.
She had to do it, or she truly would lose her mind.
*I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under*
She wanted him out of her heart so desperately at times, but it seemed he refused to leave. It'd be hard, but she'd make him leave.
A week and a half later, she tried to remind herself of her promise when he showed up at the Daily Planet, in the midst of chaos. The world could have very well been about to end.
And as she looked up at him, the feeling she'd been trying to fight suddenly rose back to the surface.
*I'm dying again*
Her eyes stayed on his face as she struggled with the feeling, but her attention was suddenly pulled away.
*I'm going under
Drowning in you*
The car had crashed through the wall in an instant, and in only an instant, he'd grabbed her. Saved her. Again.
*I'm falling forever*
She eyed him as he moved away, and as they talked about what he had to do.
The entire time, her heart and mind were racing, still trying to fight those emotions.
*I've got to break through*
"What if something goes wrong? I don't wanna leave you here."
His words, as well as his tone, hit her like a ton of bricks.
He sounded more concerned than he ever had.
*I'm going under
(Going under)*
"You have to." She told him, urging him to do his duty.
But inside, she was screaming.
*Going under
(Drowning in you)*
As he started to walk away, she broke.
She gave in to her emotions.
"I don't know if I'm ever gonna see you again."
Just that one sentence, and then she'd ran into his arms, kissing him like she'd never kissed anyone in her entire life.
And, for once, he kissed her back.
Her emotions overflowed, oozing out of her as the kiss ended, and they stared into each other's eyes for as long as they could.
And as he left her, she was almost happy that she'd fallen in again.
*I'm going under...*
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Chlark; a brief mention of Clana; hints at other Clark-oriented ships.
Spoilers: General spoilers for the series, but heavy on Fade and Vessel.
Disclaimer: If I owned Smallville, Clark and Chloe would have gotten together a freaking long time ago. So, yeah, whatever.
Summary: There's no escaping Clark Kent.
Notes: This was originally intended as sort of a dark fic, and it still is, just not as dark as I'd originally imagined. It's more or less a Smallville-based retelling of a *NSYNC-based story I wrote and posted on my web site a few years ago, and a few moments in this story mimic the original story. The majority of this could be classified as a "deleted scene" from Fade.
She sat in the corner of her dorm room, her legs bunched up against her chest, the tears falling freely from her sad eyes. She was suddenly glad that her roommate was out. So didn't want anyone to see her like this. So weakened... so destroyed.
And it was all because of him. It wasn't his fault, no, but it was because of him.
It hurt to even think about him now, but here she was, thinking about him.
*Now I will tell you what I've done for you*
"It's not exactly a walk in the park to see the person you love in the arms of someone else." she'd said. She spoke with experience. She knew how that felt. She'd spied him in the arms of Lana and a few other girls in the past few years, and it broke her fragile heart every time. She was beginning to think that there was no way for it to ever mend.
"You have no idea how hard it was to see them like that. It was like I couldn't breathe." he'd said, and her face had fallen a little more.
She did have an idea. He'd just described how hard it was for her. How hard it'd always been for her.
"I'm sorry you had to find out that way." She managed to say. "I know how much it must have hurt."
And she did.
The scene Clark had described had very much reminded her of when she'd caught he and Lana in his loft several years before, on the evening before Lex's second wedding. Though they hadn't even been dating, she'd felt utterly betrayed.
That night, she'd cried as much as she was crying now.
*Fifty thousand tears I've cried*
She came home thirty minutes after they'd talked, and she'd been sitting there in the corner, thinking, sobbing for nearly an hour now.
She thought of when she'd discovered his secret, and of when he'd discovered that she knew.
She'd lied for him so much, just to protect him. To Lana. To others. But especially to Lana. She'd been on the outs with her roommates for weeks. They hardly spoke now.
It almost seemed like it was all for nothing.
*Screaming
Deceiving
And bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Going under)*
She tried so hard to be strong. To forget her feelings, to forget her heart. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes she convinced herself that she didn't need him.
*Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented
Daily defeated by you*
But she did need him.
She needed him like she needed to breathe.
She'd look into his eyes, those perfectly beautiful, perfectly bluish-green eyes of his, and she was lost again. Lost in him, in his essence.
*Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again*
She knew she was perfect for him. They complimented each other well.
But all he could see was the best friend. The confidante. The sidekick. The one who was there to get him out of any messes.
So that's who she pretended to be.
*Blurring
And stirring
The truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not*
A part of her beat herself up for that. She knew better than to let herself be part of some fantasy, even if it was for his sake.
*Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again*
She squeezed her eyes shut and banished away all her thoughts, longing to feel blank, but his face entered her mind.
He was driving her crazy. She had the feeling she'd end up like her mother. But it wasn't his fault. No, it wouldn't be. It'd be her own.
She wanted to scream at herself, but found that she couldn't.
*So go on and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away*
She slowly stood from her spot on the floor and walked over to the only mirror in the room.
She stared at herself, studying the tears on her pale cheeks, and bit her lip as she made a promise to herself.
*I won't be broken again*
She'd get over him. She'd make herself get over Clark. She'd slowly begin to focus on her career, and on being the sidekick. Not the facade she had put up, but the real thing.
She had to do it, or she truly would lose her mind.
*I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under*
She wanted him out of her heart so desperately at times, but it seemed he refused to leave. It'd be hard, but she'd make him leave.
A week and a half later, she tried to remind herself of her promise when he showed up at the Daily Planet, in the midst of chaos. The world could have very well been about to end.
And as she looked up at him, the feeling she'd been trying to fight suddenly rose back to the surface.
*I'm dying again*
Her eyes stayed on his face as she struggled with the feeling, but her attention was suddenly pulled away.
*I'm going under
Drowning in you*
The car had crashed through the wall in an instant, and in only an instant, he'd grabbed her. Saved her. Again.
*I'm falling forever*
She eyed him as he moved away, and as they talked about what he had to do.
The entire time, her heart and mind were racing, still trying to fight those emotions.
*I've got to break through*
"What if something goes wrong? I don't wanna leave you here."
His words, as well as his tone, hit her like a ton of bricks.
He sounded more concerned than he ever had.
*I'm going under
(Going under)*
"You have to." She told him, urging him to do his duty.
But inside, she was screaming.
*Going under
(Drowning in you)*
As he started to walk away, she broke.
She gave in to her emotions.
"I don't know if I'm ever gonna see you again."
Just that one sentence, and then she'd ran into his arms, kissing him like she'd never kissed anyone in her entire life.
And, for once, he kissed her back.
Her emotions overflowed, oozing out of her as the kiss ended, and they stared into each other's eyes for as long as they could.
And as he left her, she was almost happy that she'd fallen in again.
*I'm going under...*