Who I Am Hates Who I've Been [complete]
who: Axel and Zexion
What: Visions finally succeed in driving the two nobodies to the unforseen conclusion~
When: RIGHT AFTER this, Night 256
Where: Right outside Axel's house in the housing district.
He screamed.
He screamed and shouted and struggled, fighting off things that weren't there, yelling "I want to live! I WANT TO LIVE!"
The strange thing was, of course, that he was shouting in Eric Andrew Levine's voice.
He didn't mean to; his powers had simply taken over without him even thinking about it. At once he came back to himself, stopping mid-scream, his eyes wide as he remembered that he was not Eric Andrew Levine but Zexion, once Ienzo, this was Rivelata, and...
And then he understood. He understood, suddenly, all those references Axel had made, all those snide comments when he'd first found the Nobody all those years ago, every side remark...
Axel had known. All along, and he, Zexion, had no idea that he'd been the one responsible for Axel's creation. All along and he hadn't even remembered the boy with auburn hair and green eyes in the bookshop until now.
He understood why Axel hated him. He knew exactly why Axel had killed him.
And Zexion found that he could not blame the other man any longer. He couldn't do it, because now he understood, he'd seen the world through another's eyes.
The rest, too, so very much... what he'd done as Ienzo, Eleaus' warnings, having to face Xemnas who he'd followed blindly for so long, Demyx and Namine both comforting him, others trying to make him feel better and the very thing he'd said to Xemnas, Non sum qualis eram. "I am not as I was." People believed in him, even if they hated his actions, there were those who believed that he could be more, but could he? Could he? He had done so much wrong in his time, he had hurt so many, not just Axel (though the hurt he'd done to Axel he knew now was more than he had done to any other, a deep and horrific hurt that time would likely never heal) but everyone he'd ever met, everyone, Lexaeus had died for him and he'd let it happen, he killed Xemnas, Vexen too had died by Axel's hand and he'd done nothing and what he'd been about to do to Riku oh Light, he didn't deserve what they were offering him, he deserved nothing.
He was a monster. He was a monster and he hated himself for it, he hated and... and...
At first Zexion's own scream didn't even register, as he was screaming raspily "I must not fear, I MUST NOT FEAR!" in his own reverie. He awoke with a jerk, his hands shaking as he jumped off of Zexion and scrambled to the nearest wall, curling up in a ball. "Oh Descartes," he said, choking back an anguished sob and not even realizing that he was using Sho's particular manner of speaking. "I'm a monster."
more than anything, he wanted to crawl out of his own skin, or be someone else, anything to erase that nightmare, anything to erase the past, erase what he'd done to Sho - no wonder the Reaper hadn't wanted to see his face, when that had been ALL he'd seen while dying so horribly.
He... he hated himself.
Thump.
Zexion gasped, his eyes going wide.
Thump.
At once, there was a rush, a cascade, a torrent of feelings. He'd been feeling before now, but never, NEVER this intensely. It was like his very blood was on fire.
Everything that had plagued him not simply for the past few days what he should have felt for his entire stay at Rivelata - his initial wonder and joy at seeing the island, his desire to explore, his absolute anger at finding Axel and the Replica, his grudging respect for the first Riku (and also the Replica), his confusion at Larxene, no, his love for Larxene (burning bright and furious, passion in an unexpected place) and his displeasure at seeing Axel again his respect for Bruce Wayne his friendship with Larsa Solidor his hate for the queen and her government his lonliness and how much he missed Eleaus and Xehanort (lexaeus and xemnas?) how he missed the rest of the Organization and then regret so so much regret for what he'd done and absolute pain at what he'd done to Xemnas and so much too much and oh light light and he screamed and he cried as he felt his heart, yes his heart that he'd desired for long pounding against his ribcage, the noise rushing in his ears.
He screamed, clutching his chest as he curled into a ball. He felt so much, but most of all he felt regret. Pain and regret and sorrow, anger too, but mostly at himself. What had he done?! He could have stopped this, all of this and he burned with all of his sins. Tears streamed down his face as he shook, utterly consumed by his own thundering heart.
What the factor was wrong with Zexion? No, no, Axel had to remind himself, though the memory was still raw, he was not Sho. He had seen things through the other man's eyes, and understood, but he was not Sho, he was Axel, once Eric Levine, and he was HERE, now, watching Zexion ... go insane, it looked like. No, it looked less like a man in the throes of madness and more like...
Like Zexion was growing a heart. Of all things...
What did it matter? Good for Zexion, at least... at least Zexion wasn't a monster who killed his friends. At least Zexion now had something to look forward to. What did Axel have? Hatred and Scorn from everyone he cared about? Zexion would only be able to hate him the more with a heart.
He snuffled, but no. He was not going to cry here, not in front of Zexion.
And then it was over. No, wait. It wasn't over. It was all there, all the feeling, and the thundering in his ears, and everything, but the shock and the being held by it was over. Once again, he lay there, unmoving, his eyes wide, just breathing.
He felt the ground underneath him, flexed his fingers, and for a few seconds was utterly and completely caught up in the texture of the cobblestones, the way they felt. They were cool to the touch, worn smooth from years of people traveling over them, and the way the moonlight reflected, it was wondrous...
He breathed. He breathed, and the tears came again - not the mad, wild tears of before, but quiet, soft tears.
Axel. Oh, Light, Axel. He'd deserved it, he'd deserved more, even, for the monster he was. So much... so very much...
"Axel," he said, quietly. "Axel I... I..."
He gulped, closing his eyes. "I forgive you."
There was something different about the way Zexion was speaking - it didn't hold the same level of sarcasm that Zexion usually did when he spoke, that tone that made it sound like he was mocking someone. He sounded sincere.
That only made his words more shocking. Forgave him? Forgave him for WHAT? FOr killing him? For revealing the Organization's hand in the deaths of fourteen people? For something else? He... he didn't understand. "...Why?" he asked quietly. "Why are you... now?"
He felt... so strangely calm. It was a completely different calm from his usual Nobody detachment - this was a surreal disconnect. He burned inside, burned completely, but the voice he spoke in was dead calm as he sat up. Still, his eyes glittered with tears, and he shook as he spoke.
"Because I am a monster," he said, looking up at Axel, his eyes bright with that madness. "Because I killed you. Or the you that you were. I took your world. I took everything from you and then I had the gall to teach you to be one of us. To shape you into the killer that you are, the monster that you are. Which makes me even more a demon."
"You had... every right to destroy me. And you have every right to hate me."
That was startling. Axel had known all along, ever since he'd heard Zexion quoting The Tempest, that it'd been the schemer's fault that his world had ended that day. But all this time and Zexion had never given any indication he knew, and from the way it sounded now Zexion hadn't known. So what had changed? "Did you see it in... in your vision?" he asked, assuming that Zexion had seen the haze as well.
Zexion leaned up against a wall, closing his eyes. "Yes. So clearly," and here came those silent tears again, "I was late for work becuase my air conditioning had been broken last night, and damn, it was fucking hot and you can't sleep in DC heat." His voice was his own, but his speech patterns shifted into not Axel's, but Eric's. "I really can't be late to this internship, my carreer could ride on this. So I ran out of the door with my iPod and only half listened to NPR. The goddamn Red Line was, as usual, backed up, but whatever, maybe I could blame it on that then and get away with lateness but I HATE being late, it looks bad. And then all this weird shit started happening, there was a Wyvern heartless and it just... killed this guy and fuck if I knew what to think, seriously. I just... I ran because what else was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? the world was ending..."
And then he shifted back to his own way of speaking. "And then I saw... I didn't know that was you. How could I? I never bothered to know who I was hurting, though later we began to hunt for strong hearts when it became more desperate... you were there, I sat in the corner reading and you were there. I watched you lose your heart and I knew not because I simply... I didn't care." He laughed, then, bitterly. "I cared more for the books than the people I killed, for the loss of such beautiful literature, and even then I didn't care enough to stop!"
Axel listened as Zexion slid into a pattern of speech he hadn't used in a while. Oh sure, his thoughts still spoke like that, but he himself had begun to use a more eloquent, formal pattern of speech, hanging around scientists and backstabbers all day. And here Zexion was, being Eric... LIGHT, those details. Those details that remained fuzzy, but suddenly came surging back to him... He'd been listening to Dragonforce when he went down, hadn't he?
the fact remained that Zexion had lived it, had seen it through his eyes, and... Zexion was remorseful.
Remorseful enough to grow a heart. Axel was... jealous. And sad. Because no matter how much he remembered, or how much Zexion saw, that life was gone and he could never get it back, even if his world DID come back and his heart returned. It was gone, just like his friendship with Sho was over.
He was... sad. Sad for what had been lost, sad for the inevitable losses in the future. Sad because he'd broken Uzuki's heart when she said she loved him, sad because he was not as honorable as that one guy thought, and sad because he personally had found and ended the lives of several rivelatians. Sad because all the things he'd done and said couldn't be changed.
Did monsters even GET second chances?
Zexion, staring at the sky, realized that he was sounding more and more like Ienzo as he talked. Taking a shuddering breath, he did what Ienzo always did when he was particularly sad:
He sang.
He did not sing well - he had never been one for music - but sing he did, the first thing that came to mind. And, oddly enough, it was the song Eric Andrew Levine had been listening to on the train that fateful day:
" I see things the darker kids see
Though you wouldn’t believe all that’s happened to me.
I’ve been to the backside of hell,
And I’ve played with your fear and enjoyed it well..."
Something about that paritcular song stirred within Axel. He'd been listening to that the day he died. The last line in particular resonanted... hadn't that been what he'd done to Sho?
For Axel, it wasn't an instant burst of sunfire like it was for Zexion. With those words, all it was, was a quiet, gentle
tick.
Axel jumped, hand immediately flying to his chest. What...?
he sat there in quiet contemplation, wondering at that small thump against his ribs. Was it a fluke? No, there was another one, stronger and louder. And another. And another. He found himself, of all things, laughing as a heart beat its way into reality. Once, while he'd laid awake in that stifling DC summer heat, Eric had imagined his heart as a factory, with whirring gears and puffing engines. And now, it was as if that factor was slowly chugging to life.
Tamaki thought he was honorable.
tick
Rinoa and Jenny thought he deserved a second chance.
tick
Uzuki said she loved him.
tick
tick
tick
And Roxas... Axel was crying now, shaking as his regret and memories and guilt and hate and love sang his heart back into existence.
Zexion watched in absolute wonder as he saw the spectacle from the outside this time... and it was very different too, this feeling of true, real, pure wonder. There was no cold analysis, no detatchment, there was simply the question and the knowing... as when once young Ienzo had watched fireflies dance over the gardens of his home.
It kept beating, his... his heart, oh light, he realized that somehow his heart had returned in this unlikeliest of places wtih this unlikliest of people with him and somehow he found himself choking out "I forgive you too, Zexion," and he meant it. Axel peeled off his gloves and stared at his long, pale fingers in wonder, unzipped his coat and placed a bare hand against his chest, feeling that heart beating underneath warm skin.
He couldn't help but grin like a dopey school boy.
Zexion looked up sharply.
"You... you what?" he asked, his eyes going wide. "I... but I have no excuse. You shouldn't, I am undeserving of such forgiveness..."
"You're sorry, aren't you? Doesn't make me any less pissed at you for it, but... jeez, it's been two years. Even I can't hang onto a grudge that long."
Zexion was silent, looking at the ground. "... what do we do about our status?"
Axel didn't know. It was... weird. Zexion sounded different, he probably did too. There were serveral people that were likely to know. And even gaining a heart probably didn't count for much in terms of accquittal. "I don't know... I still don't want to turn myself in."
And then... the solution. "Not to Rivelata's authority... but there is one person I do trust."
Axel raised an eyebrow, having some idea about Zexion's solution. "Hell no. Not Batman."
"And why exactly not? I have known him since I came here, and if there is anything I know about the man who calls himself Clark Kent, it is that I would trust him with my life."
"And that he can keep me away from Rivelata's authorities. I trust him far more than I do this land's Queen - who I know to be capricious and fickle - or the otehr so-called authorities"
Axel hunched over. "I'd rather spend zero time in any sort of jail. I mean... yeah okay, there are consequences for evil deeds, but... " Axel sighed. "if you can promise he isn't gonna beat us up or anything, I.. guess so."
"Only if you hit him first," said Zexion.
Axel snorted. "I know better than to hit the goddamn Batman."
"Why does everyone insist on adding the 'goddamn' to the front?" Zexion wondered, taking a shuddering breath and getting to his feet
"But it's your choice."
Axel sighed as he stood. "Better safe than sorry. I don't want some brat in charge of my fate. Grell... maybe. He seems like a wild card. At any rate, I should tell Roxas before I go anywhere. I want to tell him in person."
"Go," said Zexion.
Axel nodded, and headed inside, but pasued on the doorstep. "What happens after that?"
"I don't know."
And then, he laughed. Heartily and DAMN it felt good to be alive. "Well... nice to know we're in this together, then."
Zexion managed a faint smile, but little more. "I suppose, yes..." And then he paused.
"... Might I then once again call you friend, Axel?"
Axel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Really? He thought about it, and grinned. "Only if I get to kick your ass in chess some more."
"You may certainly try~" he returned, and then pulled up his hood. Turning around, he stopped short. "... Axel." HIs voice quavered in fear.
"My powers are gone."
Axel had his hand on the doorknob at this point, and turned around, quite startled at that revelation. Of course, it made SENSE, but... "Shit, really?"
he snapped his fingers, trying to activate his own, to no avail. "..."
"Me too."
He suddenly felt very, very vulnerable, even moreso than when he had first come to Rivelata. He could still hide, but he'd grown so used to being able to simply melt into a crowd... ugh.
".. and that menas I have to WALK home."
"Er... d'you want to crash on the couch here?" Already he was sliding back into Eric's much slangier speech patterns. "Saves you the walking, at least." What else was changing, he wondered.
He shook his head. "I have guests in my home, I'm afraid. Demyx, and Namine..." and oh Light what was he going to tell them? Demyx would certainly hear the sublte shift in his voice...
"Well I don't think anyone's lurking in the shadows to shank you. Seeing as most of the shadow-lurking and shanking was done by, um, us."
"Tch. And even if they try..." Zexion flicked out one of his two knives, then flicked it back into its sheath."
"Well then. Looks like you don't need me to walk you home," Axel said, teasing Zexion lightly.
"Meh," said Zexion, turning again and swirling his coat. And with that, he walked off into the night...
and perhaps there was the slightest of springs in his step as he went
Axel watched him go, and stepped inside, thoroughly unable to sleep.
What: Visions finally succeed in driving the two nobodies to the unforseen conclusion~
When: RIGHT AFTER this, Night 256
Where: Right outside Axel's house in the housing district.
He screamed.
He screamed and shouted and struggled, fighting off things that weren't there, yelling "I want to live! I WANT TO LIVE!"
The strange thing was, of course, that he was shouting in Eric Andrew Levine's voice.
He didn't mean to; his powers had simply taken over without him even thinking about it. At once he came back to himself, stopping mid-scream, his eyes wide as he remembered that he was not Eric Andrew Levine but Zexion, once Ienzo, this was Rivelata, and...
And then he understood. He understood, suddenly, all those references Axel had made, all those snide comments when he'd first found the Nobody all those years ago, every side remark...
Axel had known. All along, and he, Zexion, had no idea that he'd been the one responsible for Axel's creation. All along and he hadn't even remembered the boy with auburn hair and green eyes in the bookshop until now.
He understood why Axel hated him. He knew exactly why Axel had killed him.
And Zexion found that he could not blame the other man any longer. He couldn't do it, because now he understood, he'd seen the world through another's eyes.
The rest, too, so very much... what he'd done as Ienzo, Eleaus' warnings, having to face Xemnas who he'd followed blindly for so long, Demyx and Namine both comforting him, others trying to make him feel better and the very thing he'd said to Xemnas, Non sum qualis eram. "I am not as I was." People believed in him, even if they hated his actions, there were those who believed that he could be more, but could he? Could he? He had done so much wrong in his time, he had hurt so many, not just Axel (though the hurt he'd done to Axel he knew now was more than he had done to any other, a deep and horrific hurt that time would likely never heal) but everyone he'd ever met, everyone, Lexaeus had died for him and he'd let it happen, he killed Xemnas, Vexen too had died by Axel's hand and he'd done nothing and what he'd been about to do to Riku oh Light, he didn't deserve what they were offering him, he deserved nothing.
He was a monster. He was a monster and he hated himself for it, he hated and... and...
At first Zexion's own scream didn't even register, as he was screaming raspily "I must not fear, I MUST NOT FEAR!" in his own reverie. He awoke with a jerk, his hands shaking as he jumped off of Zexion and scrambled to the nearest wall, curling up in a ball. "Oh Descartes," he said, choking back an anguished sob and not even realizing that he was using Sho's particular manner of speaking. "I'm a monster."
more than anything, he wanted to crawl out of his own skin, or be someone else, anything to erase that nightmare, anything to erase the past, erase what he'd done to Sho - no wonder the Reaper hadn't wanted to see his face, when that had been ALL he'd seen while dying so horribly.
He... he hated himself.
Thump.
Zexion gasped, his eyes going wide.
Thump.
At once, there was a rush, a cascade, a torrent of feelings. He'd been feeling before now, but never, NEVER this intensely. It was like his very blood was on fire.
Everything that had plagued him not simply for the past few days what he should have felt for his entire stay at Rivelata - his initial wonder and joy at seeing the island, his desire to explore, his absolute anger at finding Axel and the Replica, his grudging respect for the first Riku (and also the Replica), his confusion at Larxene, no, his love for Larxene (burning bright and furious, passion in an unexpected place) and his displeasure at seeing Axel again his respect for Bruce Wayne his friendship with Larsa Solidor his hate for the queen and her government his lonliness and how much he missed Eleaus and Xehanort (lexaeus and xemnas?) how he missed the rest of the Organization and then regret so so much regret for what he'd done and absolute pain at what he'd done to Xemnas and so much too much and oh light light and he screamed and he cried as he felt his heart, yes his heart that he'd desired for long pounding against his ribcage, the noise rushing in his ears.
He screamed, clutching his chest as he curled into a ball. He felt so much, but most of all he felt regret. Pain and regret and sorrow, anger too, but mostly at himself. What had he done?! He could have stopped this, all of this and he burned with all of his sins. Tears streamed down his face as he shook, utterly consumed by his own thundering heart.
What the factor was wrong with Zexion? No, no, Axel had to remind himself, though the memory was still raw, he was not Sho. He had seen things through the other man's eyes, and understood, but he was not Sho, he was Axel, once Eric Levine, and he was HERE, now, watching Zexion ... go insane, it looked like. No, it looked less like a man in the throes of madness and more like...
Like Zexion was growing a heart. Of all things...
What did it matter? Good for Zexion, at least... at least Zexion wasn't a monster who killed his friends. At least Zexion now had something to look forward to. What did Axel have? Hatred and Scorn from everyone he cared about? Zexion would only be able to hate him the more with a heart.
He snuffled, but no. He was not going to cry here, not in front of Zexion.
And then it was over. No, wait. It wasn't over. It was all there, all the feeling, and the thundering in his ears, and everything, but the shock and the being held by it was over. Once again, he lay there, unmoving, his eyes wide, just breathing.
He felt the ground underneath him, flexed his fingers, and for a few seconds was utterly and completely caught up in the texture of the cobblestones, the way they felt. They were cool to the touch, worn smooth from years of people traveling over them, and the way the moonlight reflected, it was wondrous...
He breathed. He breathed, and the tears came again - not the mad, wild tears of before, but quiet, soft tears.
Axel. Oh, Light, Axel. He'd deserved it, he'd deserved more, even, for the monster he was. So much... so very much...
"Axel," he said, quietly. "Axel I... I..."
He gulped, closing his eyes. "I forgive you."
There was something different about the way Zexion was speaking - it didn't hold the same level of sarcasm that Zexion usually did when he spoke, that tone that made it sound like he was mocking someone. He sounded sincere.
That only made his words more shocking. Forgave him? Forgave him for WHAT? FOr killing him? For revealing the Organization's hand in the deaths of fourteen people? For something else? He... he didn't understand. "...Why?" he asked quietly. "Why are you... now?"
He felt... so strangely calm. It was a completely different calm from his usual Nobody detachment - this was a surreal disconnect. He burned inside, burned completely, but the voice he spoke in was dead calm as he sat up. Still, his eyes glittered with tears, and he shook as he spoke.
"Because I am a monster," he said, looking up at Axel, his eyes bright with that madness. "Because I killed you. Or the you that you were. I took your world. I took everything from you and then I had the gall to teach you to be one of us. To shape you into the killer that you are, the monster that you are. Which makes me even more a demon."
"You had... every right to destroy me. And you have every right to hate me."
That was startling. Axel had known all along, ever since he'd heard Zexion quoting The Tempest, that it'd been the schemer's fault that his world had ended that day. But all this time and Zexion had never given any indication he knew, and from the way it sounded now Zexion hadn't known. So what had changed? "Did you see it in... in your vision?" he asked, assuming that Zexion had seen the haze as well.
Zexion leaned up against a wall, closing his eyes. "Yes. So clearly," and here came those silent tears again, "I was late for work becuase my air conditioning had been broken last night, and damn, it was fucking hot and you can't sleep in DC heat." His voice was his own, but his speech patterns shifted into not Axel's, but Eric's. "I really can't be late to this internship, my carreer could ride on this. So I ran out of the door with my iPod and only half listened to NPR. The goddamn Red Line was, as usual, backed up, but whatever, maybe I could blame it on that then and get away with lateness but I HATE being late, it looks bad. And then all this weird shit started happening, there was a Wyvern heartless and it just... killed this guy and fuck if I knew what to think, seriously. I just... I ran because what else was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? the world was ending..."
And then he shifted back to his own way of speaking. "And then I saw... I didn't know that was you. How could I? I never bothered to know who I was hurting, though later we began to hunt for strong hearts when it became more desperate... you were there, I sat in the corner reading and you were there. I watched you lose your heart and I knew not because I simply... I didn't care." He laughed, then, bitterly. "I cared more for the books than the people I killed, for the loss of such beautiful literature, and even then I didn't care enough to stop!"
Axel listened as Zexion slid into a pattern of speech he hadn't used in a while. Oh sure, his thoughts still spoke like that, but he himself had begun to use a more eloquent, formal pattern of speech, hanging around scientists and backstabbers all day. And here Zexion was, being Eric... LIGHT, those details. Those details that remained fuzzy, but suddenly came surging back to him... He'd been listening to Dragonforce when he went down, hadn't he?
the fact remained that Zexion had lived it, had seen it through his eyes, and... Zexion was remorseful.
Remorseful enough to grow a heart. Axel was... jealous. And sad. Because no matter how much he remembered, or how much Zexion saw, that life was gone and he could never get it back, even if his world DID come back and his heart returned. It was gone, just like his friendship with Sho was over.
He was... sad. Sad for what had been lost, sad for the inevitable losses in the future. Sad because he'd broken Uzuki's heart when she said she loved him, sad because he was not as honorable as that one guy thought, and sad because he personally had found and ended the lives of several rivelatians. Sad because all the things he'd done and said couldn't be changed.
Did monsters even GET second chances?
Zexion, staring at the sky, realized that he was sounding more and more like Ienzo as he talked. Taking a shuddering breath, he did what Ienzo always did when he was particularly sad:
He sang.
He did not sing well - he had never been one for music - but sing he did, the first thing that came to mind. And, oddly enough, it was the song Eric Andrew Levine had been listening to on the train that fateful day:
" I see things the darker kids see
Though you wouldn’t believe all that’s happened to me.
I’ve been to the backside of hell,
And I’ve played with your fear and enjoyed it well..."
Something about that paritcular song stirred within Axel. He'd been listening to that the day he died. The last line in particular resonanted... hadn't that been what he'd done to Sho?
For Axel, it wasn't an instant burst of sunfire like it was for Zexion. With those words, all it was, was a quiet, gentle
tick.
Axel jumped, hand immediately flying to his chest. What...?
he sat there in quiet contemplation, wondering at that small thump against his ribs. Was it a fluke? No, there was another one, stronger and louder. And another. And another. He found himself, of all things, laughing as a heart beat its way into reality. Once, while he'd laid awake in that stifling DC summer heat, Eric had imagined his heart as a factory, with whirring gears and puffing engines. And now, it was as if that factor was slowly chugging to life.
Tamaki thought he was honorable.
tick
Rinoa and Jenny thought he deserved a second chance.
tick
Uzuki said she loved him.
tick
tick
tick
And Roxas... Axel was crying now, shaking as his regret and memories and guilt and hate and love sang his heart back into existence.
Zexion watched in absolute wonder as he saw the spectacle from the outside this time... and it was very different too, this feeling of true, real, pure wonder. There was no cold analysis, no detatchment, there was simply the question and the knowing... as when once young Ienzo had watched fireflies dance over the gardens of his home.
It kept beating, his... his heart, oh light, he realized that somehow his heart had returned in this unlikeliest of places wtih this unlikliest of people with him and somehow he found himself choking out "I forgive you too, Zexion," and he meant it. Axel peeled off his gloves and stared at his long, pale fingers in wonder, unzipped his coat and placed a bare hand against his chest, feeling that heart beating underneath warm skin.
He couldn't help but grin like a dopey school boy.
Zexion looked up sharply.
"You... you what?" he asked, his eyes going wide. "I... but I have no excuse. You shouldn't, I am undeserving of such forgiveness..."
"You're sorry, aren't you? Doesn't make me any less pissed at you for it, but... jeez, it's been two years. Even I can't hang onto a grudge that long."
Zexion was silent, looking at the ground. "... what do we do about our status?"
Axel didn't know. It was... weird. Zexion sounded different, he probably did too. There were serveral people that were likely to know. And even gaining a heart probably didn't count for much in terms of accquittal. "I don't know... I still don't want to turn myself in."
And then... the solution. "Not to Rivelata's authority... but there is one person I do trust."
Axel raised an eyebrow, having some idea about Zexion's solution. "Hell no. Not Batman."
"And why exactly not? I have known him since I came here, and if there is anything I know about the man who calls himself Clark Kent, it is that I would trust him with my life."
"And that he can keep me away from Rivelata's authorities. I trust him far more than I do this land's Queen - who I know to be capricious and fickle - or the otehr so-called authorities"
Axel hunched over. "I'd rather spend zero time in any sort of jail. I mean... yeah okay, there are consequences for evil deeds, but... " Axel sighed. "if you can promise he isn't gonna beat us up or anything, I.. guess so."
"Only if you hit him first," said Zexion.
Axel snorted. "I know better than to hit the goddamn Batman."
"Why does everyone insist on adding the 'goddamn' to the front?" Zexion wondered, taking a shuddering breath and getting to his feet
"But it's your choice."
Axel sighed as he stood. "Better safe than sorry. I don't want some brat in charge of my fate. Grell... maybe. He seems like a wild card. At any rate, I should tell Roxas before I go anywhere. I want to tell him in person."
"Go," said Zexion.
Axel nodded, and headed inside, but pasued on the doorstep. "What happens after that?"
"I don't know."
And then, he laughed. Heartily and DAMN it felt good to be alive. "Well... nice to know we're in this together, then."
Zexion managed a faint smile, but little more. "I suppose, yes..." And then he paused.
"... Might I then once again call you friend, Axel?"
Axel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Really? He thought about it, and grinned. "Only if I get to kick your ass in chess some more."
"You may certainly try~" he returned, and then pulled up his hood. Turning around, he stopped short. "... Axel." HIs voice quavered in fear.
"My powers are gone."
Axel had his hand on the doorknob at this point, and turned around, quite startled at that revelation. Of course, it made SENSE, but... "Shit, really?"
he snapped his fingers, trying to activate his own, to no avail. "..."
"Me too."
He suddenly felt very, very vulnerable, even moreso than when he had first come to Rivelata. He could still hide, but he'd grown so used to being able to simply melt into a crowd... ugh.
".. and that menas I have to WALK home."
"Er... d'you want to crash on the couch here?" Already he was sliding back into Eric's much slangier speech patterns. "Saves you the walking, at least." What else was changing, he wondered.
He shook his head. "I have guests in my home, I'm afraid. Demyx, and Namine..." and oh Light what was he going to tell them? Demyx would certainly hear the sublte shift in his voice...
"Well I don't think anyone's lurking in the shadows to shank you. Seeing as most of the shadow-lurking and shanking was done by, um, us."
"Tch. And even if they try..." Zexion flicked out one of his two knives, then flicked it back into its sheath."
"Well then. Looks like you don't need me to walk you home," Axel said, teasing Zexion lightly.
"Meh," said Zexion, turning again and swirling his coat. And with that, he walked off into the night...
and perhaps there was the slightest of springs in his step as he went
Axel watched him go, and stepped inside, thoroughly unable to sleep.