[FIC] Never Again Part 17
Title: Never Again
Parts: 17/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship), Minsu (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.
“We’re filming outside today,” Junsu twirled a make-up brush in one hand and held his cell phone with the other. “It’s freezing. If it wasn’t for the wind, it would actually be an okay day to shoot.”
He took away his attention from the brush in his hand for a moment and caught his make-up artist’s gaze in the mirror. She smiled at him kindly and then resumed her work.
“You should get up soon.” He urged. “Help Jaejoong-hyung make breakfast for once. It’s snowing you know?”
“I shouldn’t have told him that, now he’ll never get up.” This time he addressed his make-up artist.
She nodded her head, her smile a little sad.
“Hold still, please.” She said.
He stopped talking for a second so that she could apply some lip color, a gradual mix of purple and blue at a corner of his lips and then greener and some yellow at the edges to give the look of a healing bruise from a recent fight.
A polite knock sounded at the door and then a second later, his manager stepped inside his trailer.
“How are we doing here, Junsu-sshii?”
“Oh, hyung is here.” He raised the phone in the air. “Say ‘hi’ hyung!”
His manager gave a cheerful wave.
“Hello,” He said into the phone, his smile sincere. “Uh, I think I’ll need to borrow Junsu-shii in a few minutes so…”
“Ah! Gotta go. I’ll call you later.” He said quickly and then switched his phone off.
He stared at the recorded time of the phone call: three minutes, eleven seconds.
“Still in bed?”
“Huh?” Junsu looked up at his manager’s kind eyes. “Ah, yeah. You know how he is.”
His manager nodded knowingly and squeezed his shoulder.
“You have a guest. Shim Changmin-sshi?”
“Oh, right! Let him in!”
But he got up to do it himself. He walked quickly to the door and opened it wide.
“Changminah!”
Changmin looked away from the quickly developing movie set and nodded his head in greeting.
“Hey.”
“Hi. Come in, come in!”
He was about to grab Changmin’s wrist to drag him inside, but he noticed the drink tray in his hands.
“Aw, something for me? You shouldn’t have.” He said, stepping aside to let Changmin into the trailer.
“I met up with Yunho-hyung at a café nearby. I thought you’d like something to drink.”
“Thanks! I was just thinking of getting something hot. It’s so cold today.” He shivered from the cold air that got in and closed the door as soon as Changmin had cleared the door.
“Thank you, Shim Changmin-sshi, you saved me the trouble.” His manager said.
“Ah, sorry,” Junsu apologized. “Let me introduce you.”
A quick introduction went around. His make-up artist finished up and his manager gave him a breakdown of the schedule, and then they left together.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Changmin said as he took a seat beside Junsu in front of the mirrors.
“No, you arrived at a good time. They still have a lot to do out there. I’ll be here for a while.”
“It’s so busy out there. I almost forgot I was going to see you. I think I would have stayed there and watched if it wasn’t so cold.”
“Oh, so you’re only here for a warm place. I see how it is.” Junsu crossed his arms glumly.
Changmin grinned. “Didn’t want to mislead you or anything.”
“Oh well, thank you for that.” He said, a smile settling into place on his lips.
His eyes strayed toward the closed door and then toward the drawn curtains. At the slight gaps between the fabrics, he saw flashes of color as people passed by. Sound from outside were muffled. The drilling, the pounding, the urgent voices, and even the wind were as if from a distance.
Slowly, he felt himself begin to relax, melt into his chair.
“How’s the drink?” Changmin asked.
Junsu reached for the cup and took a sip. “It’s great, thanks. Just what I needed.” He sighed with satisfaction.
Changmin turned his seat to face the mirrors and brushed snow off his hair.
”So, what were your plans for today if I hadn’t called you?” Junsu asked conversationally as he hooked his leg around the arm of Changmin’s chair, his chair rolling forward, in order to bring himself closer to his friend.
Changmin raised his brow at Junsu’s leg.
“Apartment hunting.”
“What? You’re moving out?”
Changmin smirked. “I hadn’t really planned on moving in in the first place. It was just supposed to be temporary until I found a place of my own.”
“Yeah, but don’t you like living with Yunho-hyung.”
“I do.”
Changmin grabbed Junsu’s leg to move it away, but Junsu found a better place to rest it on, and lifted his other leg to rest both on Changmin’s lap.
“So why don’t you just stay there, then? Looks like a nice arrangement.”
At first, Changmin frowned at Junsu’s socked feet on his lap, but he must have been in a generous mood because he didn’t remove them. His fingers found Junsu’s toes instead and squeezed them one by one playfully.
“…This little Junsu piggy went to the market…This little Junsu piggy stayed at home. This little Junsu piggy had--”
Junsu laughed, he had always been ticklish. “Hey!” He poked Changmin’s stomach with his other foot. “Answer my question.”
Changmin stopped paying attention to his toes long enough to give him a dry look. “I’m not really planning to move out. I just want to see what I would like in an apartment, if I had been planning to get one.”
“Ahhh, so you’re planning ahead, just in case you do have to move out one day.” Junsu said thoughtfully. “But what would ever make you feel like you have to go?”
Changmin closed his hands over Junsu’s feet. It felt nice, warm.
“Hmm, how about...take for example, me not being able to go home because Jaejoong-hyung was staying over.”
Junsu frowned, stared at Changmin’s unreadable expression, and then frowned some more.
“Why would you…?” He thought it over, looked at it at different angles.
Changmin raised his eyebrow suggestively.
Junsu gaped. “Oh, yeah, I see.” He was nodding. “Yeah, that could be a bit awkward.”
Changmin shrugged. “Not really, it’s just, eventually, that’s what happens right? They are together now. Also,” He looked thoughtful and started massaging Junsu’s feet without realizing it. “It would be a good change for Yunho-hyung, I think, having someone over there other than me. Maybe it would make him a bit more conscious of the mess he leaves the apartment in and start cleaning up after himself too.”
Junsu snickered. “Nah, Jaejoong-hyung will be the one cleaning up after Yunho-hyung.”
Changmin grinned, finally realizing he’d been giving Junsu a foot massage without intending to. Now he moved his hand with intent, every press and squeeze sure and measured.
Junsu yelped and pulled his feet away. “Ow! That hurt!”
“It means you needed it.” Changmin said knowingly, raising his foot to kick Junsu’s chair away.
“Heeeeey…” Junsu whined.
The back of his chair hit the edge of the counter, stopping its backward slide.
“Hey, take me apartment hunting with you.”
Changmin shrugged. “Sure.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I could use another set of eyes, no need for the brain though. How long is this filming going to take?”
Junsu didn't take the bait and chose to address the question instead.
“Not long, just two scenes. They also said the weather’s a bit too cold too, so we’ll probably keep it short.”
“I thought these things took longer.”
“They do.”
Junsu got off his seat and walked over to retrieve his drink. He took a long sip from it and then leaned against the counter, his back to the mirrors.
“I’m hoping it’s not for my benefit though, but I think, at least partly, it is.”
“Are they treating you like you’re made of glass or something?”
Junsu laughed. “Yes, something like that. I mean, they don’t mean to, but I guess they can’t help it. It goes away after a while, though. They forget and just get awed by me. At least I know I can still light up a set.” He winked.
Changmin snorted skeptically.
A knock on his trailer door interrupted them. “Junsu-sshi, five minutes.”
“Got it!”
Changmin stood up and pulled his coat on. Junsu always forgot he was the shorter one.
“Gonna watch me do my thing?”
“Nah, I’m here for the other actors. I’m a big fan.”
“Hey! Don’t say stuff like that. It hurts my ego.”
Another skeptical snort. Changmin strode by, grinning, and was out of the trailer before he knew it.
Junsu shook his head, Yoochun would…He sighed, he would have probably said the same thing. He picked up his cell phone, pressed a button that called up the last number dialed and let it ring.
“I’m going on set.” He smiled fondly. “Wish me luck.”
They were filming on top of one of the business buildings. Beyond the metal railings, he could see steaming rooftops and the winding highways. The gleaming glass of the taller buildings, with the cold weather seemed like ice instead. The snow was beginning to come down heavily. The wind was also getting stronger. Every windy pass felt like sharp knives cutting into any part of his body that was exposed.
Junsu steeled himself and tried to control his shivering. He recalled his lines and rehearsed them through clattering teeth.
Bright lights lit up the spot he stood on, people moved behind the cameras. He glanced down at their feet. There were wires everywhere, black ropes in the snow-covered rooftop.
“Alright, ladies and gentlemen! This is the last shot and then we’re out of here!” He heard the director say.
Junsu winced as more snow blew into the set. Some got into his eyes. He brought a hand up to automatically wipe them away. He was exhausted, his actions had become sluggish, but it had been his decision to shoot the additional scene, so he held on.
“Cameras ready, please!”
Junsu exhaled, his ragged breath condensing in the air in front of him before it was quickly carried off by another gust of wind. He craned his neck up, the back of his neck hurting from the upward tilt, and watched the snow as they fell seemingly without end. The tiny flakes obscured the sky as they fell in abundance like rain.
Junsu blinked, his vision blurred.
Rain.
He shut his eyes tightly and opened them again.
The snow was gone. Rain was falling instead. When the wind blew past, he smelled smoke. His eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. There was a dull thrum of pain in his arm, as if he had been holding onto a heavy weight, as if that area was slowly bruising up, the blood spreading under his skin.
“…Let go, Junsu.”
Junsu gasped as images flickered in front of his eyes. They blinded him like a mirror in the sun. He swayed in his feet, feeling slight vertigo.
“Junsu-sshi? Cut! Hold on!” The director yelled in alarm.
Junsu raised his arm. It was trembling, “I’m okay.” He breathed deeply. He heard footsteps running toward him, but he stopped them with another wave of his hand. “I’m good, sorry, just…need to…” He sucked in the frozen air, the shocking temperature helping him focus once more.
He moved to get up and was surprised he had been kneeling down. He couldn’t remember falling to his knees. He got up shakily and offered a smile to the people around the set.
They looked at each other nervously, only his words holding them back.
“I’m fine, sorry.” He bowed in apology.
The director regarded him critically and then looked up at the worsening weather. Junsu stood more steadily on his feet, even though the world still seemed to spin.
“…Alright,” The direction raised his hand and the cameras started rolling again.
Among the many faces watching him, he found Changmin’s. His expression, unreadable.
“Good work today! Thank you everyone!” People were saying. The lights were coming down, the wires being roped in, and people were starting to leave.
His manager walked with him to his trailer, Changmin just a few steps behind.
“You sure you’re okay, Junsu-sshi?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. That was…That was shorter than the last one, right?” He smiled at his manager, but of course, his manager wasn’t falling for it.
“Shorter or not, please take a break or sit down for a bit when that happens. You’re not inconveniencing people, Junsu-sshi. We all understand.”
He gritted his teeth. “I’ll sit down when I need to. That time, I didn’t need to. There’s no need to worry so much.”
His manager sighed as he stopped just in front of his trailer. “Do I need to go in there with you and tie you to the couch? Or can you manage to lie down for a bit on your own?”
“I don’t--” He bit his tongue when he saw the dark expression on his manager’s face.
“Plenty of rope around here, Junsu-sshi.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll lie down for a bit. Even though I don’t need to.”
He opened his trailer door and went inside. Changmin followed.
His manager gave him one last meaningful look before the door shut.
Junsu headed to the couch, just as he’d promise. What he didn’t expect though, was for his body to lie down, and curl up into a little ball instead. He was cold all of a sudden, he thinks he could see his breath hover in front of him, even though they were already indoors.
“You cold?” Changmin asked, walking over to him.
He shook his head, but his body trembled and betrayed him.
Changmin tsked. “Acting all tough. The camera stopped filming, you know? You’re not an action hero anymore.”
Junsu chuckled. Even to his ears, it sounded off.
“Move.” Changmin said as he removed his coat.
“What?”
Changmin pulled Junsu’s knees away from his chest and helped him out of his own coat too.
“You’re not gonna get warm that way.”
Junsu looked at him weirdly, but Changmin just pushed him over to make room, and then Changmin was lying beside him, his long body extending over the length of the couch. His arms came around Junsu afterwards, pulling them together. Close enough that Junsu could feel Changmin’s body heat.
“T-thanks.”
“The sooner you thaw, the sooner we can look for my apartment.” Changmin explained, his breath soothingly warm against Junsu’s forehead.
“Thanks.” He said again, more quietly.
He began to feel his body relax. Feel it unwind from the tight coil it had been in since he’d arrived on set. Outside, he could hear the engines of the large trucks and the heavy footsteps trudging up wide metallic boards as equipment was loaded on. It will take another hour or so until the filming sight was fully cleared. He still had to change out of his costume.
“What do you see?”
He had been at the edge of sleep when he heard Changmin’s voice rumble against his ear.
“…See?” He asked groggily.
“When that thing happens, like earlier.”
“How did you know I saw things?” He asked as he buried his face against Changmin’s chest. He smelled good. It was difficult not to fall asleep.
“It looked like you were.”
“Oh.” He took a deep breath. “I see different things.”
“How about this time?”
“…Rain,” he recalled, “and fire…but mostly, I saw rain.”
He caught one of Changmin’s shirt buttons between his fingertips and pressed his thumb against the flat surface. It left a tiny pink indentation on his skin. He summoned the words to explain, looking in.
“I saw where Yoochun and I had stood. The roads from very far away. The trailers and trucks parked below. The lightning in the distance and the rain that just got heavier by the minute.”
He narrowed his eyes. There were black spots in the timeline, he couldn’t remember everything. But he remembered the wind and the rain on his face, drenching his clothes.
“There was a lot of fire, and screaming, and it smelled like smoke everywhere. It had been hard to breathe, like my throat was closing in.”
He heard the frantic voices. Sometimes they sounded like vanishing echoes, sometimes they came to him too loud, and it drowned out the world around him.
“I see people pulling Jaejoong-hyung off Yoochun-hyung.” Junsu blinked away the haunting scene. “I don’t think he remembers this. I don’t want him to remember this. There’s something I’ve forgotten. Who knows, maybe they had to pull me away too.”
Changmin held him closer.
“I see a lot of things from that day and even the days afterwards, but most of all, I see Yoochun-hyung holding onto my arm, could feel it…” He let go of Changmin’s shirt button, his hand finding Changmin’s arm and traveling down until he held his forearm.
“I could hear him yelling at me to let go,” His voice was shaking now. “Could feel the rope give just a little more, could…” He had to stop, Changmin’s shirt was getting wet from his tears.
“You should see a therapist, hyung.”
Junsu chuckled darkly. “I don’t want to.”
“Stubborn.” Changmin half-teased.
“No,” He promised, “I just…I don’t want to share them. Their mine, they’re all I have left, you know?”
“You just told me, though.” Changmin reminded him.
Junsu smiled softly, resting his face against Changmin’s chest.
“Only you, then. I’ll share them only with you.”
They’ve seen one apartment so far. It had two bedrooms. Changmin considered turning one bedroom into a study. Junsu suggested a game room, Changmin considered that too. The kitchen was small, but Changmin didn’t seem to have a problem with that. What he hadn’t been too pleased about though, was the lack of a good view. The balcony faced another building. He could see into his neighbor’s bedroom easily. The couple didn’t seem to own drapes.
They climbed the steps to the next apartment now. It was on the second floor. There were no elevators as there were only five levels.
“I think you’ll like the view from up here. I know it’s just the second floor, but since we’re at a hill, you can see far and wide just from your window alone.” The agent showing them the apartments said. She’s been informed that Changmin was only looking, but she seemed convinced that she’ll be able to change his mind after the tour.
Changmin listened attentively and asked very good questions. Junsu wasn’t surprised the agent was convinced Changmin was ready to buy, he sounded really interested. She led him to the living room first and then to the bedrooms. This apartment also had two bedrooms.
Junsu separated from them and stepped out onto the balcony. She had been right. The view was beautiful, even with all the snow. The apartment wasn’t in front of the road, but was located at the back. It faced a valley that cut through the land and was filled with trees. And then upward and onward, he could see signs of houses hidden by the tall treetops. Saw hints of winding roads here and there, as well as taller apartment buildings that seemed to sprout up from the sea of green, but with all the snow, it was more like a sea of white.
A few minutes later, Changmin came up beside him and leaned on the balcony rails just as he did.
“What do you think?” He asked.
“It’s nice.” Junsu offered. “How’s the inside?”
“Livable.”
He smirked. “You taking it?”
Changmin brushed snow off the wooden rails and watched the chunk plop down onto the snow pile below. The people downstairs had a nice, little garden. A cat watched them from its perch atop the wooden rail that ran along the property. The rail didn’t seem strong enough to stop people from running onward freely and tumbling down into the valley below.
“I think Yunho-hyung would take it in a heartbeat.”
“I thought you were the one moving out?”
Changmin shrugged. “You think Jaejoong-hyung would like it?”
Junsu smiled and looked down at the valley. He couldn’t see the bottom of it.
“Yeah, I think so. He’s not moving any time soon, though.” He was sure.
“But he’d visit hyung here, right?”
Junsu chuckled. “Yeah, of course. Why? What are you planning? Boxing up Yunho-hyung’s stuff and moving them here without him knowing?”
Changmin glanced at him in that way that suggested he just might, “You think he’d notice if his stuff slowly disappeared little by little?”
Junsu snorted. “Just put Jaejoong-hyung in front of him and he wouldn’t notice the world had turned upside down.”
“Maybe for him, it already had.”
They laughed. Their laughter shot out and expanded into the open space. He imagined the sound reaching the bottom of the valley below and scaring off some poor tiny creature.
“They look good together, huh?” Changmin was saying.
“Yeah,” He had to admit.
“Not that bitter anymore?”
Junsu stuck his tongue out, but instantly regretted it when a cold wind blew past.
“Just sorry Yoochun-hyung’s not here to tease him with me.”
“Glad to hear Yoochun-sshi would have approved.”
Junsu nodded thoughtfully and stared beyond the valley, to the point where the land and the sky met.
“Yeah, he would have loved you guys.”
Changmin nudged the bad mood off him before it had a chance to settle onto his shoulders. Junsu nudged him back playfully. It was a game they had started. Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible. Because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and then he got those black spots in his memory. Like snowflakes settling onto his eyelashes obscuring his vision, his memory looked incomplete at the edges, blackened with missing time.
The sound of the balcony door sliding open interrupted them.
“Shim Changmin-sshi, are you ready to move onto the next one?” The agent asked from behind them.
Changmin looked at him questioningly. Junsu nodded, taking one last long look at the quiet valley below before they moved on.
He flipped his phone open to check for messages. His manager had left plenty. Junsu didn’t bother to listen to them. He knew without listening what they would say.
He waited in his car for Changmin. They were in front of a restaurant. Changmin was inside to pick up the food they had ordered on their way over. For some reason, Changmin opted to stay at his place tonight. He had a feeling it had something to do with Jaejoong not picking up his phone.
Junsu looked around. The trees were lit up with the holiday lights already. Everywhere he looked, it was Christmas. It had been the snow that morning that made it real for him. This Christmas, Yoochun will not be dragging that six-year old Christmas tree out of storage and into the living room, and then happily sing carols off-tune on purpose as he decorated it. This Christmas, Junsu wouldn’t have to think hard on what gift to get Yoochun as his secret Santa.
Junsu hissed at his thoughts and pressed one of the numbers on speed-dial in his phone.
“Hey!” He said as soon as the voicemail picked up. “What do you want for Christmas? And don’t tell me the same thing you told Jaejoong-hyung just so you can get two of each!”
The voicemail kept recording, but the rest of the words had become stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the cool glass window.
“I’d try to be creative, but I can’t think of anything. You know I suck at this…” He spoke softer, almost pleading. “Pick up. I really have no idea.”
When his voice began to break, he ended the call.
It was another long five minutes until Changmin exited the restaurant with their dinner. The drive to his place was quiet. The radio had started to play Christmas carols and Changmin didn’t ask any questions when Junsu pressed the 'off' button just a little too violently.
Once they got to his apartment, Changmin volunteered to prepare the food, while Junsu got himself cleaned up. They had dinner and then somewhere in the middle of eating, Changmin decided he was going to sleepover.
Being as exhausted as he was, he managed to stay up a little later than he had imagined possible. Maybe it was because of Changmin, maybe it was because there was someone there to answer back when he spoke. But exhaustion eventually caught up to him. After making sure Changmin was comfortable on the couch, he went to bed.
Lying in bed, his fingers scrolled down the list of messages in his phone. He accessed the older messages and played the one closest to the Christmas before. There was one from two days before the day of.
“Juuunsu, guess what?” Yoochun’s recorded voice asked. “I’m your secret santa-Shhhhh, don’t tell hyung I told you. We all know that I got you, and you got me, and hyung got the both of us, and that the both of us got him as well-really I don’t see the point when he’s gonna set it up like this every year. Anyway, so what do you want for Christmas? I’m in this video game store and I think you own every single game that’s in here. I also visited that clothing store you like, but what’s the point when you just take clothes from my closet, anyway? Oh, by the way, remember that shirt you got me for my birthday that you borrowed and never returned? Yeah, I’d like to be able to wear it at least once, please? Hey, would you like an action figure of me--” The message got cut off and Junsu played the next one.
“Damn, got cut off. What was I saying? Never mind,” In the background, Junsu could faintly hear the festive song playing from the malls' speakers.
“There are so many people here. Why don’t they buy their presents early? That way-Hey, is that you in front of that jewelry store? What are you looking at? Are you there to buy my present?” Yoochun snickered and then his amusement faded away as he grew more thoughtful.
Junsu wished he could see Yoochun's expression then.
“Hey, Junsu, if I’m looking at you right now," Yoochun wondered. His voice was more still. He had stopped walking. "But you won’t hear this message until later...Does that mean that I’m watching your past self? And if you’re listening to this message right now, this means you’re the future Junsu, right? Hiiiiii, future Junsu, how are you? Oh, say ‘hi’ to my future self as well. Tell me how clever I am. Okay, I’m about to speak to the past you. Hey, Junsu!”
Junsu smiled at the sound of him freaking out just before the message cut off. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He took deep breaths and only once he felt he could trust his voice, he dialed another number.
After two rings, the person picked up. “Hyung?”
“Hey, sorry if I woke you.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.” Changmin told him.
“Oh, okay...Good.”
“Something wrong?”
“No, uh, nothing like that. Just…I was just thinking, maybe we should move in together. Get that apartment at the hill.”
Changmin was quiet. Junsu could see that expression he always wore when considering something.
“You don’t want to live here anymore?”
“I…” Junsu frowned and looked up at his ceiling. “I still do. I don’t know. I haven’t really considered everything. I just thought about it and…”
“I like living with Yunho-hyung and I’m not even sure if I’m going to move out.”
“Yeah.” He closed his eyes. If he thought about it more carefully, he really didn’t want to leave this place. “Yeah, you’re right. It was a stupid thought. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It wasn’t stupid, hyung.” Junsu could hear the smile in his voice. “If you thought about it more carefully and in the end you decided that you really would like to move, I wouldn’t mind having you as my roommate.”
“But how about Yunho-hyung?”
“He'll be fine.”
“Just like that?” Junsu sat up, chuckling.
“Yes.”
He laughed again. “I’m not sure I want to move now, though, Changminah.”
“Me too, but, when you want to...Maybe in a couple of months from now…or even a year from now…Just let me know.”
Junsu bowed his head and smiled softly. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Changmin confirmed.
“Goodnight, Changmin, sleep well.”
“You too, hyung.”
Junsu laid down. “…And thanks.”
“No need for thanks.”
“Yes need for thanks.” He grumbled.
Changmin laughed. “Fine, fine. Go to sleep, I’m surprised you haven’t passed out yet.”
“Passing out soon.”
“Alright. Goodnight again, hyung.”
“See you in the morning.”
He hung up the phone and pulled the blankets over his chest.
“…In a year from now,” He wondered out loud.
He couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t want to. It was too far from now, especially when he was still clinging tightly to the yesterdays that had passed. But as much as he fought it, something in the future existed now. It existed there, that possibility of moving in with Changmin, in that sea of unknown. Just like those apartment buildings surrounded by the trees, it had sprung up, and started to exist.
Junsu clutched his cell phone tightly.
In his mind, he recalled the balcony of that apartment. He stood there and stared at the distant buildings. And then he looked down at the valley, with its bottom he could not see. He stood there.
His cell phone beeped and he was back in his bedroom. Junsu turned the phone over in his hand and saw that he had received a new text message. He opened it-
“I could hear you thinking from all the way here,” He read, “Stop it.”
Junsu smiled, nodding quickly as he held back the tears.
Another message came.
“P.S.,” It read, “I want pancakes for breakfast.”
Junsu laughed hard and replied to the message, promising Changmin will have pancakes for breakfast.
He closed his eyes, the smile lingering on his lips as he fell asleep.
Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible, because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and forgot how to come back. He could easily trip over the wooden rails, tumble down the valley below, and then vanish completely.
~TBC
Thank you for reading.
Parts: 17/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship), Minsu (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.
“We’re filming outside today,” Junsu twirled a make-up brush in one hand and held his cell phone with the other. “It’s freezing. If it wasn’t for the wind, it would actually be an okay day to shoot.”
He took away his attention from the brush in his hand for a moment and caught his make-up artist’s gaze in the mirror. She smiled at him kindly and then resumed her work.
“You should get up soon.” He urged. “Help Jaejoong-hyung make breakfast for once. It’s snowing you know?”
“I shouldn’t have told him that, now he’ll never get up.” This time he addressed his make-up artist.
She nodded her head, her smile a little sad.
“Hold still, please.” She said.
He stopped talking for a second so that she could apply some lip color, a gradual mix of purple and blue at a corner of his lips and then greener and some yellow at the edges to give the look of a healing bruise from a recent fight.
A polite knock sounded at the door and then a second later, his manager stepped inside his trailer.
“How are we doing here, Junsu-sshii?”
“Oh, hyung is here.” He raised the phone in the air. “Say ‘hi’ hyung!”
His manager gave a cheerful wave.
“Hello,” He said into the phone, his smile sincere. “Uh, I think I’ll need to borrow Junsu-shii in a few minutes so…”
“Ah! Gotta go. I’ll call you later.” He said quickly and then switched his phone off.
He stared at the recorded time of the phone call: three minutes, eleven seconds.
“Still in bed?”
“Huh?” Junsu looked up at his manager’s kind eyes. “Ah, yeah. You know how he is.”
His manager nodded knowingly and squeezed his shoulder.
“You have a guest. Shim Changmin-sshi?”
“Oh, right! Let him in!”
But he got up to do it himself. He walked quickly to the door and opened it wide.
“Changminah!”
Changmin looked away from the quickly developing movie set and nodded his head in greeting.
“Hey.”
“Hi. Come in, come in!”
He was about to grab Changmin’s wrist to drag him inside, but he noticed the drink tray in his hands.
“Aw, something for me? You shouldn’t have.” He said, stepping aside to let Changmin into the trailer.
“I met up with Yunho-hyung at a café nearby. I thought you’d like something to drink.”
“Thanks! I was just thinking of getting something hot. It’s so cold today.” He shivered from the cold air that got in and closed the door as soon as Changmin had cleared the door.
“Thank you, Shim Changmin-sshi, you saved me the trouble.” His manager said.
“Ah, sorry,” Junsu apologized. “Let me introduce you.”
A quick introduction went around. His make-up artist finished up and his manager gave him a breakdown of the schedule, and then they left together.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Changmin said as he took a seat beside Junsu in front of the mirrors.
“No, you arrived at a good time. They still have a lot to do out there. I’ll be here for a while.”
“It’s so busy out there. I almost forgot I was going to see you. I think I would have stayed there and watched if it wasn’t so cold.”
“Oh, so you’re only here for a warm place. I see how it is.” Junsu crossed his arms glumly.
Changmin grinned. “Didn’t want to mislead you or anything.”
“Oh well, thank you for that.” He said, a smile settling into place on his lips.
His eyes strayed toward the closed door and then toward the drawn curtains. At the slight gaps between the fabrics, he saw flashes of color as people passed by. Sound from outside were muffled. The drilling, the pounding, the urgent voices, and even the wind were as if from a distance.
Slowly, he felt himself begin to relax, melt into his chair.
“How’s the drink?” Changmin asked.
Junsu reached for the cup and took a sip. “It’s great, thanks. Just what I needed.” He sighed with satisfaction.
Changmin turned his seat to face the mirrors and brushed snow off his hair.
”So, what were your plans for today if I hadn’t called you?” Junsu asked conversationally as he hooked his leg around the arm of Changmin’s chair, his chair rolling forward, in order to bring himself closer to his friend.
Changmin raised his brow at Junsu’s leg.
“Apartment hunting.”
“What? You’re moving out?”
Changmin smirked. “I hadn’t really planned on moving in in the first place. It was just supposed to be temporary until I found a place of my own.”
“Yeah, but don’t you like living with Yunho-hyung.”
“I do.”
Changmin grabbed Junsu’s leg to move it away, but Junsu found a better place to rest it on, and lifted his other leg to rest both on Changmin’s lap.
“So why don’t you just stay there, then? Looks like a nice arrangement.”
At first, Changmin frowned at Junsu’s socked feet on his lap, but he must have been in a generous mood because he didn’t remove them. His fingers found Junsu’s toes instead and squeezed them one by one playfully.
“…This little Junsu piggy went to the market…This little Junsu piggy stayed at home. This little Junsu piggy had--”
Junsu laughed, he had always been ticklish. “Hey!” He poked Changmin’s stomach with his other foot. “Answer my question.”
Changmin stopped paying attention to his toes long enough to give him a dry look. “I’m not really planning to move out. I just want to see what I would like in an apartment, if I had been planning to get one.”
“Ahhh, so you’re planning ahead, just in case you do have to move out one day.” Junsu said thoughtfully. “But what would ever make you feel like you have to go?”
Changmin closed his hands over Junsu’s feet. It felt nice, warm.
“Hmm, how about...take for example, me not being able to go home because Jaejoong-hyung was staying over.”
Junsu frowned, stared at Changmin’s unreadable expression, and then frowned some more.
“Why would you…?” He thought it over, looked at it at different angles.
Changmin raised his eyebrow suggestively.
Junsu gaped. “Oh, yeah, I see.” He was nodding. “Yeah, that could be a bit awkward.”
Changmin shrugged. “Not really, it’s just, eventually, that’s what happens right? They are together now. Also,” He looked thoughtful and started massaging Junsu’s feet without realizing it. “It would be a good change for Yunho-hyung, I think, having someone over there other than me. Maybe it would make him a bit more conscious of the mess he leaves the apartment in and start cleaning up after himself too.”
Junsu snickered. “Nah, Jaejoong-hyung will be the one cleaning up after Yunho-hyung.”
Changmin grinned, finally realizing he’d been giving Junsu a foot massage without intending to. Now he moved his hand with intent, every press and squeeze sure and measured.
Junsu yelped and pulled his feet away. “Ow! That hurt!”
“It means you needed it.” Changmin said knowingly, raising his foot to kick Junsu’s chair away.
“Heeeeey…” Junsu whined.
The back of his chair hit the edge of the counter, stopping its backward slide.
“Hey, take me apartment hunting with you.”
Changmin shrugged. “Sure.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I could use another set of eyes, no need for the brain though. How long is this filming going to take?”
Junsu didn't take the bait and chose to address the question instead.
“Not long, just two scenes. They also said the weather’s a bit too cold too, so we’ll probably keep it short.”
“I thought these things took longer.”
“They do.”
Junsu got off his seat and walked over to retrieve his drink. He took a long sip from it and then leaned against the counter, his back to the mirrors.
“I’m hoping it’s not for my benefit though, but I think, at least partly, it is.”
“Are they treating you like you’re made of glass or something?”
Junsu laughed. “Yes, something like that. I mean, they don’t mean to, but I guess they can’t help it. It goes away after a while, though. They forget and just get awed by me. At least I know I can still light up a set.” He winked.
Changmin snorted skeptically.
A knock on his trailer door interrupted them. “Junsu-sshi, five minutes.”
“Got it!”
Changmin stood up and pulled his coat on. Junsu always forgot he was the shorter one.
“Gonna watch me do my thing?”
“Nah, I’m here for the other actors. I’m a big fan.”
“Hey! Don’t say stuff like that. It hurts my ego.”
Another skeptical snort. Changmin strode by, grinning, and was out of the trailer before he knew it.
Junsu shook his head, Yoochun would…He sighed, he would have probably said the same thing. He picked up his cell phone, pressed a button that called up the last number dialed and let it ring.
“I’m going on set.” He smiled fondly. “Wish me luck.”
They were filming on top of one of the business buildings. Beyond the metal railings, he could see steaming rooftops and the winding highways. The gleaming glass of the taller buildings, with the cold weather seemed like ice instead. The snow was beginning to come down heavily. The wind was also getting stronger. Every windy pass felt like sharp knives cutting into any part of his body that was exposed.
Junsu steeled himself and tried to control his shivering. He recalled his lines and rehearsed them through clattering teeth.
Bright lights lit up the spot he stood on, people moved behind the cameras. He glanced down at their feet. There were wires everywhere, black ropes in the snow-covered rooftop.
“Alright, ladies and gentlemen! This is the last shot and then we’re out of here!” He heard the director say.
Junsu winced as more snow blew into the set. Some got into his eyes. He brought a hand up to automatically wipe them away. He was exhausted, his actions had become sluggish, but it had been his decision to shoot the additional scene, so he held on.
“Cameras ready, please!”
Junsu exhaled, his ragged breath condensing in the air in front of him before it was quickly carried off by another gust of wind. He craned his neck up, the back of his neck hurting from the upward tilt, and watched the snow as they fell seemingly without end. The tiny flakes obscured the sky as they fell in abundance like rain.
Junsu blinked, his vision blurred.
Rain.
He shut his eyes tightly and opened them again.
The snow was gone. Rain was falling instead. When the wind blew past, he smelled smoke. His eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. There was a dull thrum of pain in his arm, as if he had been holding onto a heavy weight, as if that area was slowly bruising up, the blood spreading under his skin.
“…Let go, Junsu.”
Junsu gasped as images flickered in front of his eyes. They blinded him like a mirror in the sun. He swayed in his feet, feeling slight vertigo.
“Junsu-sshi? Cut! Hold on!” The director yelled in alarm.
Junsu raised his arm. It was trembling, “I’m okay.” He breathed deeply. He heard footsteps running toward him, but he stopped them with another wave of his hand. “I’m good, sorry, just…need to…” He sucked in the frozen air, the shocking temperature helping him focus once more.
He moved to get up and was surprised he had been kneeling down. He couldn’t remember falling to his knees. He got up shakily and offered a smile to the people around the set.
They looked at each other nervously, only his words holding them back.
“I’m fine, sorry.” He bowed in apology.
The director regarded him critically and then looked up at the worsening weather. Junsu stood more steadily on his feet, even though the world still seemed to spin.
“…Alright,” The direction raised his hand and the cameras started rolling again.
Among the many faces watching him, he found Changmin’s. His expression, unreadable.
“Good work today! Thank you everyone!” People were saying. The lights were coming down, the wires being roped in, and people were starting to leave.
His manager walked with him to his trailer, Changmin just a few steps behind.
“You sure you’re okay, Junsu-sshi?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. That was…That was shorter than the last one, right?” He smiled at his manager, but of course, his manager wasn’t falling for it.
“Shorter or not, please take a break or sit down for a bit when that happens. You’re not inconveniencing people, Junsu-sshi. We all understand.”
He gritted his teeth. “I’ll sit down when I need to. That time, I didn’t need to. There’s no need to worry so much.”
His manager sighed as he stopped just in front of his trailer. “Do I need to go in there with you and tie you to the couch? Or can you manage to lie down for a bit on your own?”
“I don’t--” He bit his tongue when he saw the dark expression on his manager’s face.
“Plenty of rope around here, Junsu-sshi.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll lie down for a bit. Even though I don’t need to.”
He opened his trailer door and went inside. Changmin followed.
His manager gave him one last meaningful look before the door shut.
Junsu headed to the couch, just as he’d promise. What he didn’t expect though, was for his body to lie down, and curl up into a little ball instead. He was cold all of a sudden, he thinks he could see his breath hover in front of him, even though they were already indoors.
“You cold?” Changmin asked, walking over to him.
He shook his head, but his body trembled and betrayed him.
Changmin tsked. “Acting all tough. The camera stopped filming, you know? You’re not an action hero anymore.”
Junsu chuckled. Even to his ears, it sounded off.
“Move.” Changmin said as he removed his coat.
“What?”
Changmin pulled Junsu’s knees away from his chest and helped him out of his own coat too.
“You’re not gonna get warm that way.”
Junsu looked at him weirdly, but Changmin just pushed him over to make room, and then Changmin was lying beside him, his long body extending over the length of the couch. His arms came around Junsu afterwards, pulling them together. Close enough that Junsu could feel Changmin’s body heat.
“T-thanks.”
“The sooner you thaw, the sooner we can look for my apartment.” Changmin explained, his breath soothingly warm against Junsu’s forehead.
“Thanks.” He said again, more quietly.
He began to feel his body relax. Feel it unwind from the tight coil it had been in since he’d arrived on set. Outside, he could hear the engines of the large trucks and the heavy footsteps trudging up wide metallic boards as equipment was loaded on. It will take another hour or so until the filming sight was fully cleared. He still had to change out of his costume.
“What do you see?”
He had been at the edge of sleep when he heard Changmin’s voice rumble against his ear.
“…See?” He asked groggily.
“When that thing happens, like earlier.”
“How did you know I saw things?” He asked as he buried his face against Changmin’s chest. He smelled good. It was difficult not to fall asleep.
“It looked like you were.”
“Oh.” He took a deep breath. “I see different things.”
“How about this time?”
“…Rain,” he recalled, “and fire…but mostly, I saw rain.”
He caught one of Changmin’s shirt buttons between his fingertips and pressed his thumb against the flat surface. It left a tiny pink indentation on his skin. He summoned the words to explain, looking in.
“I saw where Yoochun and I had stood. The roads from very far away. The trailers and trucks parked below. The lightning in the distance and the rain that just got heavier by the minute.”
He narrowed his eyes. There were black spots in the timeline, he couldn’t remember everything. But he remembered the wind and the rain on his face, drenching his clothes.
“There was a lot of fire, and screaming, and it smelled like smoke everywhere. It had been hard to breathe, like my throat was closing in.”
He heard the frantic voices. Sometimes they sounded like vanishing echoes, sometimes they came to him too loud, and it drowned out the world around him.
“I see people pulling Jaejoong-hyung off Yoochun-hyung.” Junsu blinked away the haunting scene. “I don’t think he remembers this. I don’t want him to remember this. There’s something I’ve forgotten. Who knows, maybe they had to pull me away too.”
Changmin held him closer.
“I see a lot of things from that day and even the days afterwards, but most of all, I see Yoochun-hyung holding onto my arm, could feel it…” He let go of Changmin’s shirt button, his hand finding Changmin’s arm and traveling down until he held his forearm.
“I could hear him yelling at me to let go,” His voice was shaking now. “Could feel the rope give just a little more, could…” He had to stop, Changmin’s shirt was getting wet from his tears.
“You should see a therapist, hyung.”
Junsu chuckled darkly. “I don’t want to.”
“Stubborn.” Changmin half-teased.
“No,” He promised, “I just…I don’t want to share them. Their mine, they’re all I have left, you know?”
“You just told me, though.” Changmin reminded him.
Junsu smiled softly, resting his face against Changmin’s chest.
“Only you, then. I’ll share them only with you.”
They’ve seen one apartment so far. It had two bedrooms. Changmin considered turning one bedroom into a study. Junsu suggested a game room, Changmin considered that too. The kitchen was small, but Changmin didn’t seem to have a problem with that. What he hadn’t been too pleased about though, was the lack of a good view. The balcony faced another building. He could see into his neighbor’s bedroom easily. The couple didn’t seem to own drapes.
They climbed the steps to the next apartment now. It was on the second floor. There were no elevators as there were only five levels.
“I think you’ll like the view from up here. I know it’s just the second floor, but since we’re at a hill, you can see far and wide just from your window alone.” The agent showing them the apartments said. She’s been informed that Changmin was only looking, but she seemed convinced that she’ll be able to change his mind after the tour.
Changmin listened attentively and asked very good questions. Junsu wasn’t surprised the agent was convinced Changmin was ready to buy, he sounded really interested. She led him to the living room first and then to the bedrooms. This apartment also had two bedrooms.
Junsu separated from them and stepped out onto the balcony. She had been right. The view was beautiful, even with all the snow. The apartment wasn’t in front of the road, but was located at the back. It faced a valley that cut through the land and was filled with trees. And then upward and onward, he could see signs of houses hidden by the tall treetops. Saw hints of winding roads here and there, as well as taller apartment buildings that seemed to sprout up from the sea of green, but with all the snow, it was more like a sea of white.
A few minutes later, Changmin came up beside him and leaned on the balcony rails just as he did.
“What do you think?” He asked.
“It’s nice.” Junsu offered. “How’s the inside?”
“Livable.”
He smirked. “You taking it?”
Changmin brushed snow off the wooden rails and watched the chunk plop down onto the snow pile below. The people downstairs had a nice, little garden. A cat watched them from its perch atop the wooden rail that ran along the property. The rail didn’t seem strong enough to stop people from running onward freely and tumbling down into the valley below.
“I think Yunho-hyung would take it in a heartbeat.”
“I thought you were the one moving out?”
Changmin shrugged. “You think Jaejoong-hyung would like it?”
Junsu smiled and looked down at the valley. He couldn’t see the bottom of it.
“Yeah, I think so. He’s not moving any time soon, though.” He was sure.
“But he’d visit hyung here, right?”
Junsu chuckled. “Yeah, of course. Why? What are you planning? Boxing up Yunho-hyung’s stuff and moving them here without him knowing?”
Changmin glanced at him in that way that suggested he just might, “You think he’d notice if his stuff slowly disappeared little by little?”
Junsu snorted. “Just put Jaejoong-hyung in front of him and he wouldn’t notice the world had turned upside down.”
“Maybe for him, it already had.”
They laughed. Their laughter shot out and expanded into the open space. He imagined the sound reaching the bottom of the valley below and scaring off some poor tiny creature.
“They look good together, huh?” Changmin was saying.
“Yeah,” He had to admit.
“Not that bitter anymore?”
Junsu stuck his tongue out, but instantly regretted it when a cold wind blew past.
“Just sorry Yoochun-hyung’s not here to tease him with me.”
“Glad to hear Yoochun-sshi would have approved.”
Junsu nodded thoughtfully and stared beyond the valley, to the point where the land and the sky met.
“Yeah, he would have loved you guys.”
Changmin nudged the bad mood off him before it had a chance to settle onto his shoulders. Junsu nudged him back playfully. It was a game they had started. Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible. Because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and then he got those black spots in his memory. Like snowflakes settling onto his eyelashes obscuring his vision, his memory looked incomplete at the edges, blackened with missing time.
The sound of the balcony door sliding open interrupted them.
“Shim Changmin-sshi, are you ready to move onto the next one?” The agent asked from behind them.
Changmin looked at him questioningly. Junsu nodded, taking one last long look at the quiet valley below before they moved on.
He flipped his phone open to check for messages. His manager had left plenty. Junsu didn’t bother to listen to them. He knew without listening what they would say.
He waited in his car for Changmin. They were in front of a restaurant. Changmin was inside to pick up the food they had ordered on their way over. For some reason, Changmin opted to stay at his place tonight. He had a feeling it had something to do with Jaejoong not picking up his phone.
Junsu looked around. The trees were lit up with the holiday lights already. Everywhere he looked, it was Christmas. It had been the snow that morning that made it real for him. This Christmas, Yoochun will not be dragging that six-year old Christmas tree out of storage and into the living room, and then happily sing carols off-tune on purpose as he decorated it. This Christmas, Junsu wouldn’t have to think hard on what gift to get Yoochun as his secret Santa.
Junsu hissed at his thoughts and pressed one of the numbers on speed-dial in his phone.
“Hey!” He said as soon as the voicemail picked up. “What do you want for Christmas? And don’t tell me the same thing you told Jaejoong-hyung just so you can get two of each!”
The voicemail kept recording, but the rest of the words had become stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the cool glass window.
“I’d try to be creative, but I can’t think of anything. You know I suck at this…” He spoke softer, almost pleading. “Pick up. I really have no idea.”
When his voice began to break, he ended the call.
It was another long five minutes until Changmin exited the restaurant with their dinner. The drive to his place was quiet. The radio had started to play Christmas carols and Changmin didn’t ask any questions when Junsu pressed the 'off' button just a little too violently.
Once they got to his apartment, Changmin volunteered to prepare the food, while Junsu got himself cleaned up. They had dinner and then somewhere in the middle of eating, Changmin decided he was going to sleepover.
Being as exhausted as he was, he managed to stay up a little later than he had imagined possible. Maybe it was because of Changmin, maybe it was because there was someone there to answer back when he spoke. But exhaustion eventually caught up to him. After making sure Changmin was comfortable on the couch, he went to bed.
Lying in bed, his fingers scrolled down the list of messages in his phone. He accessed the older messages and played the one closest to the Christmas before. There was one from two days before the day of.
“Juuunsu, guess what?” Yoochun’s recorded voice asked. “I’m your secret santa-Shhhhh, don’t tell hyung I told you. We all know that I got you, and you got me, and hyung got the both of us, and that the both of us got him as well-really I don’t see the point when he’s gonna set it up like this every year. Anyway, so what do you want for Christmas? I’m in this video game store and I think you own every single game that’s in here. I also visited that clothing store you like, but what’s the point when you just take clothes from my closet, anyway? Oh, by the way, remember that shirt you got me for my birthday that you borrowed and never returned? Yeah, I’d like to be able to wear it at least once, please? Hey, would you like an action figure of me--” The message got cut off and Junsu played the next one.
“Damn, got cut off. What was I saying? Never mind,” In the background, Junsu could faintly hear the festive song playing from the malls' speakers.
“There are so many people here. Why don’t they buy their presents early? That way-Hey, is that you in front of that jewelry store? What are you looking at? Are you there to buy my present?” Yoochun snickered and then his amusement faded away as he grew more thoughtful.
Junsu wished he could see Yoochun's expression then.
“Hey, Junsu, if I’m looking at you right now," Yoochun wondered. His voice was more still. He had stopped walking. "But you won’t hear this message until later...Does that mean that I’m watching your past self? And if you’re listening to this message right now, this means you’re the future Junsu, right? Hiiiiii, future Junsu, how are you? Oh, say ‘hi’ to my future self as well. Tell me how clever I am. Okay, I’m about to speak to the past you. Hey, Junsu!”
Junsu smiled at the sound of him freaking out just before the message cut off. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He took deep breaths and only once he felt he could trust his voice, he dialed another number.
After two rings, the person picked up. “Hyung?”
“Hey, sorry if I woke you.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.” Changmin told him.
“Oh, okay...Good.”
“Something wrong?”
“No, uh, nothing like that. Just…I was just thinking, maybe we should move in together. Get that apartment at the hill.”
Changmin was quiet. Junsu could see that expression he always wore when considering something.
“You don’t want to live here anymore?”
“I…” Junsu frowned and looked up at his ceiling. “I still do. I don’t know. I haven’t really considered everything. I just thought about it and…”
“I like living with Yunho-hyung and I’m not even sure if I’m going to move out.”
“Yeah.” He closed his eyes. If he thought about it more carefully, he really didn’t want to leave this place. “Yeah, you’re right. It was a stupid thought. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It wasn’t stupid, hyung.” Junsu could hear the smile in his voice. “If you thought about it more carefully and in the end you decided that you really would like to move, I wouldn’t mind having you as my roommate.”
“But how about Yunho-hyung?”
“He'll be fine.”
“Just like that?” Junsu sat up, chuckling.
“Yes.”
He laughed again. “I’m not sure I want to move now, though, Changminah.”
“Me too, but, when you want to...Maybe in a couple of months from now…or even a year from now…Just let me know.”
Junsu bowed his head and smiled softly. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Changmin confirmed.
“Goodnight, Changmin, sleep well.”
“You too, hyung.”
Junsu laid down. “…And thanks.”
“No need for thanks.”
“Yes need for thanks.” He grumbled.
Changmin laughed. “Fine, fine. Go to sleep, I’m surprised you haven’t passed out yet.”
“Passing out soon.”
“Alright. Goodnight again, hyung.”
“See you in the morning.”
He hung up the phone and pulled the blankets over his chest.
“…In a year from now,” He wondered out loud.
He couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t want to. It was too far from now, especially when he was still clinging tightly to the yesterdays that had passed. But as much as he fought it, something in the future existed now. It existed there, that possibility of moving in with Changmin, in that sea of unknown. Just like those apartment buildings surrounded by the trees, it had sprung up, and started to exist.
Junsu clutched his cell phone tightly.
In his mind, he recalled the balcony of that apartment. He stood there and stared at the distant buildings. And then he looked down at the valley, with its bottom he could not see. He stood there.
His cell phone beeped and he was back in his bedroom. Junsu turned the phone over in his hand and saw that he had received a new text message. He opened it-
“I could hear you thinking from all the way here,” He read, “Stop it.”
Junsu smiled, nodding quickly as he held back the tears.
Another message came.
“P.S.,” It read, “I want pancakes for breakfast.”
Junsu laughed hard and replied to the message, promising Changmin will have pancakes for breakfast.
He closed his eyes, the smile lingering on his lips as he fell asleep.
Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible, because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and forgot how to come back. He could easily trip over the wooden rails, tumble down the valley below, and then vanish completely.
~TBC
Thank you for reading.