[FIClet] Don't drink the water [One shot, yunjae]
Title: Don’t drink the water
Main pairing: Yunjae
Genre: CRACK, questionable mpreg
AN: They're in the bathroom again. Hm. Uh, bathroom pov, or something. Anyway, this is what happens to your brain if you’re editing too hard. It runs away and gets Jaejoong pregnant. Enjoy.
Jaejoong ran to the bathroom, his knees banging against the tiled floor as he planted his hands on the toilet seat and promptly threw up the contents of his stomach.
Changmin happened by during the purging process and with a look of disgust, asked, “Are you pregnant?”
Jaejoong lifted his head to say something a little too unrefined for the early morning hour, but was interrupted by another surge of vomit rising up his throat. He emptied his stomach into the porcelain bowl once again until it felt like nothing else was going to come up.
“Can’t be,” He balked. “W-we were safe-Wait a minute”, He growled. “How come I’m the one that gets pregnant!? I’m a man!” He looked down to make sure.
Changmin casually leaned on the doorframe and asked, “Who was bottom more?”
At this point, Junsu walked in with his eyes still half-open and began to unzip his pants, ready to aim at the toilet bowl, except Jaejoong was still sitting in front of it.
“Hey!” Jaejoong yelled, “Put that away!”
“Huh?” Junsu asked still not comprehending. “What am I doing in the kitchen?”
“You’re not in the kitchen, genius. You’re in the little boy’s room.” Changmin helped.
“Well that’s what I thought…So what the hell are you guys doing here?” Junsu walked to stand in front of the toilet bowl and nudged Jaejoong out of the way with his foot. Before he fully unzipped his pants he looked down at the bowl to make sure he didn’t miss.
“Oh yuck, flush, hyung! I don’t need to see your business!”
“Hey!” Jaejoong protested. “That’s not my business, that’s puke!”
“Wha?” Junsu scrunched up his nose as he now got a good whiff of it. “Ugh, why is there vomit in the toilet?”
“Hyung’s pregnant.” Changmin was very helpful that morning.
“He’s what?” Yoochun asked as he walked up to the room, a towel and a change of clothes in his hands.
“Hey, Junsu, are you gonna do anything with that anytime soon?” Yoochun pointed to Junsu’s hands on his zipper.
“I’m planning to, but there’s puke in the toilet.”
“So?” Yoochun squeezed in beside Changmin and now occupied the other side of the doorframe.
“It’s wrong…To mix stuff. That one’s Jaejoong-hyung’s.”
Yoochun and Changmin turned to look at each other.
“Don’t talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” Junsu complained.
“We’re not.”
“Don’t mind-talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” He clarified.
“I can’t be pregnant…” Jaejoong said shakily from his place on the floor. He lifted his shirt and ran a hand down his toned abdomen. “I won’t be able to fit into my tight pants!”
“That’s what you’re worried about?” Changmin asked drily. “I’d be worried about taking care of the kid while we’re on tour, hyung.”
Jaejoong blinked up at him. “Why? I have sisters and dog-sitters. I’m sure they won’t mind taking care of her.”
“Her?” Junsu raised his eyebrow. “How’d you know it’s a her?”
Jaejoong frowned and looked down at his stomach, caressing it. “I don’t know…I just know, you know?”
“What about me?” Yunho popped his head in between Yoochun and Changmin. “Ugh, why does it smell in here?” He looked down at the toilet. “Junsu, flush your doodoo will ya? The world doesn’t need to know about it. Minus ten charisma points for you.” He tsked.
“What?!” Junsu squawked. “Ten? You only took away five from Yoochun when he got his toenail clippings into your sandwich last night! No fair!” And then his eyes widened some more as if realizing just now that he had been accused of making doodoo. “And it’s not my doodoo! It’s Jaejoong-hyungs! Hah!” He turned swiftly and pointed a finger at Jaejoong. “Minus ten points for you!”
“It’s not doodoo, idiot. It’s puke.” Jaejoong reminded him, still caressing his abs.
“Jaejoongah,” Yunho looked concerned. “Why did you throw up? Are you okay?”
Jaejoong glared at him icily. He pushed up from the floor and jabbed an accusing finger in Yunho’s direction. “Yeah, it’s called morning sickness, you ass! You got me pregnant!”
“Can I be her godfather?” Yoochun chose this time to ask. There was a reason why he always got some of the best clothes.
“Hey! No fair, I wanted to be the godfather!” Junsu stomped his foot as if that would get him his way.
Yunho on the other hand was doing the best imitation of a fish out of water and succeeding quite well. “But…we were safe!” He said disbelieving.
“Well, apparently not safe enough, now what are you going to do about it!?” Jaejoong yelled in frustration.
“I…” Yunho’s forehead bunched up with the full impact of Jaejoong’s question. “Of course I’m gonna take care of you, baby. I’ll marry you…I’d do whatever I have to do! He pushed his way in through the blocked doorway and walked determinedly toward Jaejoong. “Whatever you want, baby. Name it, I’ll do it!” At this point he stood toe to toe with Jaejoong, his arms open, palms turned up, ready for anything Jaejoong would throw at him.
Jaejoong looked into Yunho’s eyes and a reluctant, but quickly becoming pleased smile pulled at his lips. “I haven’t said yes to marrying you yet, asshole.” But judging by his smile, he had agreed already.
“Jaejoongah!” Yunho hugged him and made to kiss him, but stopped a second short of touching Jaejoong’s lip. “Ew,” He scrunched up his nose at the acidic smell of vomit on Jaejoong’s lips.
“Aw, sorry, baby. Hold on.”
The four members of Dong bang shin ki watched as Jaejoong brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth with mouth wash about four times in succession and then brushed it again for the second time just to be sure. He blew at Junsu’s face, who happened to be the closest.
“How is it?”
Junsu sniffed the air. “Less pukey.”
“Oh good.” Jaejoong grinned and threw himself at Yunho.
“Yunhoyah!” He said happily.
“Jaejoongah!” Yunho returned. He picked up Jaejoong and spun him just as happily.
Jaejoong’s laughter bounced off the resonant walls of their bathroom.
Changmin having seen enough of this idiocy way before he had his morning cereal, walked over to the toilet. He peered down at the contents and addressed the two twirling parents-to-be.
“Jaejoong-hyung, what did you eat last night?”
“Huh?” Jaejoong tapped Yunho to stop twirling him for a bit. “That thing in the green bowl at the back of the fridge. What about it?”
Junsu and Yoochun wore similar expressions of ‘he’s an idiot, definitely an idiot’.
Changmin being the patient one explained. “You’re not pregnant. You just ate something you didn’t even know the name of.” Although, at this point, probably ‘that thing’ would be the best name for it.
“We’re…” Yunho put Jaejoong down. “We’re not pregnant?” His words dripped with true disappointment.
“No.” Changmin made sure there was no doubt about it.
“Jaejoongah,” Yunho sniffed. “We’re not…”
Jaejoong kissed Yunho’s cheek sweetly. “It’s okay, baby. We could keep trying.”
“Yeah?” Yunho perked up immediately.
“Yeah…” Jaejoong said, resting his forehead against Yunho’s.
“Okay,” Yunho seemed relieved. “But not this morning though, we have to be out of here in half an hour and Junsu hasn’t even peed yet.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jaejoong nodded, totally understanding.
The pair walked out of the bathroom together discussing the day’s schedule and the good times to ‘try’.
Yoochun shook his head. “I worry about those two.” He said.
“Yeah,” Junsu agreed. “I mean, how could they be thinking of having a baby right now. We’re in the middle of a tour and we’re going to work on our next album soon.”
Yoochun and Changmin were doing that mind-talking again.
“Stop mind-talking about me!”
Changmin sighed. He needed some food. And left the pair in the bathroom.
Yoochun slipped out of his clothes quickly and stepped into the shower, sliding the doors close.
Junsu flushed the toilet.
“Junsu!” Yoochun howled as the water turned freezing cold.
“Ack! Sorry. I had to clear the water!”
“Could have warned me, you know?”
Junsu zipped up and walked to the sink to wash his hands. “Hey, Yoochunah.”
“Yeah?” Yoochun answered from the shower stall.
“When do you think we can get pregnant?”
There was silence for a moment.
“Maybe after the tour, before A-nation.”
“Huh.” Junsu thought about it. “Or, you know, how about around January. We should be on our break by then, right?”
“Oh, yeah. She could be an autumn baby.”
“Yeah!” Junsu agreed.
Changmin stood in the hallway, his bowl of cereal in his hand, his spoon just in front of his mouth when he happened upon the open bathroom door, again. He continued walking to his room, if he was dreaming, he planned to wake up to a saner world any time now, and if that failed, he was going to have to start checking the water before he drank anything.
-End
Thank you for reading. *cleans up brain matter*
Main pairing: Yunjae
Genre: CRACK, questionable mpreg
AN: They're in the bathroom again. Hm. Uh, bathroom pov, or something. Anyway, this is what happens to your brain if you’re editing too hard. It runs away and gets Jaejoong pregnant. Enjoy.
Jaejoong ran to the bathroom, his knees banging against the tiled floor as he planted his hands on the toilet seat and promptly threw up the contents of his stomach.
Changmin happened by during the purging process and with a look of disgust, asked, “Are you pregnant?”
Jaejoong lifted his head to say something a little too unrefined for the early morning hour, but was interrupted by another surge of vomit rising up his throat. He emptied his stomach into the porcelain bowl once again until it felt like nothing else was going to come up.
“Can’t be,” He balked. “W-we were safe-Wait a minute”, He growled. “How come I’m the one that gets pregnant!? I’m a man!” He looked down to make sure.
Changmin casually leaned on the doorframe and asked, “Who was bottom more?”
At this point, Junsu walked in with his eyes still half-open and began to unzip his pants, ready to aim at the toilet bowl, except Jaejoong was still sitting in front of it.
“Hey!” Jaejoong yelled, “Put that away!”
“Huh?” Junsu asked still not comprehending. “What am I doing in the kitchen?”
“You’re not in the kitchen, genius. You’re in the little boy’s room.” Changmin helped.
“Well that’s what I thought…So what the hell are you guys doing here?” Junsu walked to stand in front of the toilet bowl and nudged Jaejoong out of the way with his foot. Before he fully unzipped his pants he looked down at the bowl to make sure he didn’t miss.
“Oh yuck, flush, hyung! I don’t need to see your business!”
“Hey!” Jaejoong protested. “That’s not my business, that’s puke!”
“Wha?” Junsu scrunched up his nose as he now got a good whiff of it. “Ugh, why is there vomit in the toilet?”
“Hyung’s pregnant.” Changmin was very helpful that morning.
“He’s what?” Yoochun asked as he walked up to the room, a towel and a change of clothes in his hands.
“Hey, Junsu, are you gonna do anything with that anytime soon?” Yoochun pointed to Junsu’s hands on his zipper.
“I’m planning to, but there’s puke in the toilet.”
“So?” Yoochun squeezed in beside Changmin and now occupied the other side of the doorframe.
“It’s wrong…To mix stuff. That one’s Jaejoong-hyung’s.”
Yoochun and Changmin turned to look at each other.
“Don’t talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” Junsu complained.
“We’re not.”
“Don’t mind-talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” He clarified.
“I can’t be pregnant…” Jaejoong said shakily from his place on the floor. He lifted his shirt and ran a hand down his toned abdomen. “I won’t be able to fit into my tight pants!”
“That’s what you’re worried about?” Changmin asked drily. “I’d be worried about taking care of the kid while we’re on tour, hyung.”
Jaejoong blinked up at him. “Why? I have sisters and dog-sitters. I’m sure they won’t mind taking care of her.”
“Her?” Junsu raised his eyebrow. “How’d you know it’s a her?”
Jaejoong frowned and looked down at his stomach, caressing it. “I don’t know…I just know, you know?”
“What about me?” Yunho popped his head in between Yoochun and Changmin. “Ugh, why does it smell in here?” He looked down at the toilet. “Junsu, flush your doodoo will ya? The world doesn’t need to know about it. Minus ten charisma points for you.” He tsked.
“What?!” Junsu squawked. “Ten? You only took away five from Yoochun when he got his toenail clippings into your sandwich last night! No fair!” And then his eyes widened some more as if realizing just now that he had been accused of making doodoo. “And it’s not my doodoo! It’s Jaejoong-hyungs! Hah!” He turned swiftly and pointed a finger at Jaejoong. “Minus ten points for you!”
“It’s not doodoo, idiot. It’s puke.” Jaejoong reminded him, still caressing his abs.
“Jaejoongah,” Yunho looked concerned. “Why did you throw up? Are you okay?”
Jaejoong glared at him icily. He pushed up from the floor and jabbed an accusing finger in Yunho’s direction. “Yeah, it’s called morning sickness, you ass! You got me pregnant!”
“Can I be her godfather?” Yoochun chose this time to ask. There was a reason why he always got some of the best clothes.
“Hey! No fair, I wanted to be the godfather!” Junsu stomped his foot as if that would get him his way.
Yunho on the other hand was doing the best imitation of a fish out of water and succeeding quite well. “But…we were safe!” He said disbelieving.
“Well, apparently not safe enough, now what are you going to do about it!?” Jaejoong yelled in frustration.
“I…” Yunho’s forehead bunched up with the full impact of Jaejoong’s question. “Of course I’m gonna take care of you, baby. I’ll marry you…I’d do whatever I have to do! He pushed his way in through the blocked doorway and walked determinedly toward Jaejoong. “Whatever you want, baby. Name it, I’ll do it!” At this point he stood toe to toe with Jaejoong, his arms open, palms turned up, ready for anything Jaejoong would throw at him.
Jaejoong looked into Yunho’s eyes and a reluctant, but quickly becoming pleased smile pulled at his lips. “I haven’t said yes to marrying you yet, asshole.” But judging by his smile, he had agreed already.
“Jaejoongah!” Yunho hugged him and made to kiss him, but stopped a second short of touching Jaejoong’s lip. “Ew,” He scrunched up his nose at the acidic smell of vomit on Jaejoong’s lips.
“Aw, sorry, baby. Hold on.”
The four members of Dong bang shin ki watched as Jaejoong brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth with mouth wash about four times in succession and then brushed it again for the second time just to be sure. He blew at Junsu’s face, who happened to be the closest.
“How is it?”
Junsu sniffed the air. “Less pukey.”
“Oh good.” Jaejoong grinned and threw himself at Yunho.
“Yunhoyah!” He said happily.
“Jaejoongah!” Yunho returned. He picked up Jaejoong and spun him just as happily.
Jaejoong’s laughter bounced off the resonant walls of their bathroom.
Changmin having seen enough of this idiocy way before he had his morning cereal, walked over to the toilet. He peered down at the contents and addressed the two twirling parents-to-be.
“Jaejoong-hyung, what did you eat last night?”
“Huh?” Jaejoong tapped Yunho to stop twirling him for a bit. “That thing in the green bowl at the back of the fridge. What about it?”
Junsu and Yoochun wore similar expressions of ‘he’s an idiot, definitely an idiot’.
Changmin being the patient one explained. “You’re not pregnant. You just ate something you didn’t even know the name of.” Although, at this point, probably ‘that thing’ would be the best name for it.
“We’re…” Yunho put Jaejoong down. “We’re not pregnant?” His words dripped with true disappointment.
“No.” Changmin made sure there was no doubt about it.
“Jaejoongah,” Yunho sniffed. “We’re not…”
Jaejoong kissed Yunho’s cheek sweetly. “It’s okay, baby. We could keep trying.”
“Yeah?” Yunho perked up immediately.
“Yeah…” Jaejoong said, resting his forehead against Yunho’s.
“Okay,” Yunho seemed relieved. “But not this morning though, we have to be out of here in half an hour and Junsu hasn’t even peed yet.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jaejoong nodded, totally understanding.
The pair walked out of the bathroom together discussing the day’s schedule and the good times to ‘try’.
Yoochun shook his head. “I worry about those two.” He said.
“Yeah,” Junsu agreed. “I mean, how could they be thinking of having a baby right now. We’re in the middle of a tour and we’re going to work on our next album soon.”
Yoochun and Changmin were doing that mind-talking again.
“Stop mind-talking about me!”
Changmin sighed. He needed some food. And left the pair in the bathroom.
Yoochun slipped out of his clothes quickly and stepped into the shower, sliding the doors close.
Junsu flushed the toilet.
“Junsu!” Yoochun howled as the water turned freezing cold.
“Ack! Sorry. I had to clear the water!”
“Could have warned me, you know?”
Junsu zipped up and walked to the sink to wash his hands. “Hey, Yoochunah.”
“Yeah?” Yoochun answered from the shower stall.
“When do you think we can get pregnant?”
There was silence for a moment.
“Maybe after the tour, before A-nation.”
“Huh.” Junsu thought about it. “Or, you know, how about around January. We should be on our break by then, right?”
“Oh, yeah. She could be an autumn baby.”
“Yeah!” Junsu agreed.
Changmin stood in the hallway, his bowl of cereal in his hand, his spoon just in front of his mouth when he happened upon the open bathroom door, again. He continued walking to his room, if he was dreaming, he planned to wake up to a saner world any time now, and if that failed, he was going to have to start checking the water before he drank anything.
-End
Thank you for reading. *cleans up brain matter*