[FIC] Never again part 13
Title: Never Again
Parts: 13/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
Chapter 13
A loud crash ripped him away from sleep and pulled him face first into the frigid morning. Jaejoong sat up and looked around, disoriented and confused. Regardless, he pushed the covers away and walked to the source of the sound. He scrubbed at his eyes--head still heavy from sleep--and crossed the empty living room. He managed to find the front door without tripping over his own feet. When he pulled the door open, an envelope fell from its place taped to the door, but more importantly, he found the source of the sound.
“Yunho-sshi?”
Jaejoong found Yunho in front of their door, crouched beside a ladder. It was a familiar seen aside from the broken glass littering the floor.
“Ah! Jaejoong-sshi watch out, don’t take another step!” He warned as he pointed at the glass shards seconds away from Jaejoong’s bare feet.
“What are you doing?” He asked and stepped into the nearest pair of shoes by the doorway and then stepped outside carefully. Just as he reached Yunho’s side, a gust of wind whooshed through the open corridors.
“Oh shit! It’s freezing!” Jaejoong hugged his chest instinctively but realized that they wouldn’t be enough. As if to spite him, his thin t-shirt flapped in the breeze and did everything but keep him warm.
“Yeah, it gets really cold here in the morning. Here wear this,”
Yunho stood up and quickly removed his jacket. Before Jaejoong could object, it was draped around his shoulders and he was enveloped by glorious warmth. He put it on properly and reveled in the toasty goodness.
“Thanks, I was going to refuse but now that I have it on, I don’t think you’ll ever get it back, Yunho-sshi,”
Yunho laughed and looked quite warm in just a sweater now. “That’s alright. I knew it was going to be cold this morning so I bundled up extra warm. See?” And he showed Jaejoong that he had an extra layer underneath.
“Oh! In that case, give me the sweater too!” Jaejoong reached for the sweater, but his hands were trapped by Yunho’s own. A little cool from the weather, but were warm enough.
“No way,” The other man refused, grin firmly in place.
Jaejoong smiled, but really, the jacket had been more than enough. Now that he was warm he directed his attention to the reason he was out there in the first place. Looking at the broken glass and the ladder, he easily realized what had happened.
“Last night, I saw that the bulbs were out again. Since I’m here, my parents immediately put me to work. That and I don’t think you’d appreciate having to grope for the doorknob every night.” Yunho explained.
“How thoughtful of you, thanks.”
He reached for the nearest piece of glass and placed it carefully inside the plastic bag Yunho held.
“Yeah, but now I’ll need to get you a new light cover.”
“There is that.” Jaejoong agreed.
Once they had cleared away most of the glass, Yunho promised that he would give it a more careful sweep once he was done installing the new light bulb. With that said, Jaejoong stayed to help.
“Aside from me ruining your sleep, did you sleep well?” Yunho inquired as he stepped down from the ladder.
“Aside from Junsu threatening to push me off the bed and fighting him for the blankets, yeah, I think I slept pretty well. It was cold though, I think I’ll have to get used to that.”
Yunho nodded and then looked across the courtyard at the still sleeping apartments.
Jaejoong stepped closer to the rails and took his first look at the place he had come to revisit. The sun had yet to rise. There was only that sort of cold illumination early winter mornings brought. A strong breeze disturbed the leaves of the trees and the clothes clinging to clotheslines left to dry overnight. There were morning sounds coming from all over the place, distant rumble of motors, insects, and wind-chimes. He suddenly remembered what had drawn him to this place. It was no wonder that he thought he could find Yoochun here.
He pulled Yunho’s jacket closer, the scent that clung to it rose with every passing breeze.
“I really like it up here,” he said softly.
“Stay as long as you like, Jaejoong-sshi.” Yunho squeezed his shoulder as he walked past. He then folded the ladder and grabbed the bag of broken glass as well. “Come join us for breakfast later. I think Changmin’s hoping for pancakes.”
Jaejoong grinned. “I see how it is. Sure, tell Changmin-sshi he’ll get his pancakes.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. His sick of my burnt eggs anyways.”
Jaejoong laughed at the idea and waved to Yunho as the other walked back to the office down below.
Now that he no longer had a reason to be out there, he jumped inside quickly, still not used to the sudden cold weather. As he was about to close the door, he spied the envelope that had fallen when he opened the door. Curious, he picked it up and found a simple letter. In a flurry of lines it read that Yunho hadn’t wanted to wake them and he hoped they slept well, and that they were invited for breakfast. Written in a different style of writing, it read simply, “Pancakes, please.”
Amused, Jaejoong shut the door and checked on Junsu.
It seemed that ever since he had left the bed, Junsu had rolled into the space and claimed it as his own.
Jaejoong plopped down on the cold floor and watched Junsu sleep. His friend was tangled by both blankets and his loose shirt. Mouth slightly open and chest rising evenly, he looked like the perfect picture of peace. Jaejoong noticed that his hair had grown, his natural hair color starting to show.
“How long are you gonna keep watching me?”
Jaejoong smirked. “You were awake?”
Junsu kept his eyes closed and nodded. “Uhhmm, ever since you ran out of bed.”
“Have you been pretending for that long? They didn’t give you that award for nothing, I guess.”
“Hey!” Junsu’s eyes snapped open and his hand flew to a pillow to throw at Jaejoong, but he stopped at something he saw in Jaejoong’s face.
“What?” Jaejoong blinked.
“Nothing. Ummm nice jacket.” Junsu noted as he sat up.
Jaejoong shrugged. “It was cold outside.”
Junsu agreed by shivering violently. He then looked around at the empty bedroom, at the bare windows and then through them where they could see the roofs of houses and the still foggy hills.
“You weren’t kidding when you said there was nothing in this place.” his friend noted quietly.
Jaejoong spread his fingers over the worn wood of the floor and traced the grains with his fingertips. “I didn’t think I’d ever come back here. So I didn’t see the point of putting anything in it.”
“You got a mattress though,”
He nodded as he recalled that time. “Yeah, because at first I thought I was going to stay here forever.”
Junsu made a thoughtful sound and then as if looking beyond the scenery outside the window, he pointed out, “but you left.”
“I did.”
He lifted his head when Junsu didn’t say anything else. The young actor sat on the mattress, blankets pooled around his lap, a contemplative expression on his face as he looked out the window. Jaejoong had wanted to explain, but maybe he didn’t have to. Maybe Junsu could already feel what it was about this place that almost kept him.
“I’m going to go down to see Yunho-sshi and Changmin-sshi. They invited us for breakfast. Just come down to the office when you’re ready.”
“Mm.” Junsu nodded and said nothing else.
Jaejoong got up, stretched and left Junsu to his thoughts. He showered quickly and pulled out fresh clothes from his bag. He remembered the weather outside and grabbed one of the sweaters he had packed. Yunho had warned them about the weather, but he hadn’t imagined it would have been that cold.
“Damn,” which was why he didn’t pack a heavier coat. He pulled the sweater on, and hoped Yunho didn’t mind as he put the borrowed jacket back on as well.
“See you down there!” He called out just before he braved the cold outdoors.
He practically jogged down the steps, hands in the jacket pockets and neck hidden from any sudden gust of wind. Once he reached the office, he knocked on the closed door. He heard someone call out from inside and in a few seconds, the door was opened for him.
“Morning,” Changmin greeted cheerlessly and handed him a hot cup of coffee, which Jaejoong welcomed immediately by taking a sip.
“Thanks, I needed this. Good morning to you too.”
“It’s too cold to be good,” Changmin grumped.
Jaejoong agreed. He followed Changmin to the kitchen and saw that he was in the process of making breakfast.
“Pancakes?” He peeked into the bowl filled with batter.
“Or a version there of,”
Changmin retrieved a few plates and cups from the cupboard and started to set up the table. “Yunho-hyung’s mom is still sleeping, but I’m sure the smell of your pancakes will rouse her. His dad left early this morning though, I’m not sure if he’ll be back by the time you have to leave. How long are you staying anyways?”
Jaejoong looked up from judging the consistency of the batter. “Huh? Umm, I’m not sure. Maybe a week?”
“Hm, then maybe you’ll get to meet him.”
“Oh. That’s good. I never got to meet them. And your grandmother, is she alright?”
Changmin nodded. “She’ll be up and watering the plants in her little indoor garden later. She doesn’t listen when I tell her she needs to rest. Instead, she tells me I looked like I needed it more.”
Jaejoong chuckled. She’s as spirited as he remembered her.
“Oh here, Yunho-hyung went to shower, He’s probably done by now. Just go down the hall. You’ll know when it’s his room. I’ll get breakfast started.” Changmin said as he handed him another fresh cup of coffee.
“I…” Jaejoong looked cluelessly at the cup and then at the waiting pancake batter.
“It’s alright. I’ll cook ‘em. Then you can tell me how much I’ve improved.” Changmin persuaded.
Jaejoong accepted the cup with his free hand and walked into the hallway Changmin had pointed to. He’d never been in this part of the apartment. Unlike the one he owned, this one was larger, and had more rooms. And just as Changmin had told him, he spotted the door to Yunho’s room right away. Partly open, its door had a nameplate on it, carved into a piece of wood shaped like a star, as if it had hung there for ages, and it may just had.
“Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong called out, but heard no answer.
He pushed the door open with his shoulder and was met with a very clean room. Clean, aside from a few clothes strewn across the bed and an open luggage on the floor. It housed the usual things a room would have. There was a desk near the window, trophies on the shelves and picture frames. A large painting took up most of one wall and beneath it was a case filled with DVDs.
Jaejoong crossed the room after being drawn by the collection. He placed the coffee cups on top of the desk and crouched down to view the titles. He recognized some of them. Some were movies he also liked and a few were his favorites. He couldn’t tell what sort of categorizing system Yunho used. Not alphabetically or genre oriented at all. And among them, he saw his movies, quite a few of them side by side and also Junsu’s and right beside that collection were Yoochun’s.
“By actors then?” Jaejoong wondered aloud, but found that that hadn’t been the case for the others sharing the shelves.
“By favorites.”
Jaejoong jumped in surprise and looked up. Yunho stood by the bathroom door, a towel around his waist and another being used to dry his hair. His chest still glistened from the recent shower.
Jaejoong picked up the movie he had shared with Junsu and Yoochun, that script they all had fallen in love with when they first laid eyes on it. He stood as he viewed the cover. The picture had been taken during a break in filming, when the photographer happened by them animatedly talking about something. By now, he couldn’t recall what they had been talking about that day, but he remembered everyone agreeing it was perfect for the movie cover.
“All my movies? Come on, even I didn’t like some of them.” He grinned challengingly at Yunho.
“You never do,”
Yunho approached and grabbed another movie in which Jaejoong starred in and showed him the cover. This close, Jaejoong could smell the scent of the soap Yunho used, and his shampoo and aftershave. His eyes followed a water droplet as it trailed down from Yunho’s collar bone to his well-toned chest.
“What do you mean?” He asked, ripping his gaze away from a few more water droplets and up to Yunho’s very close face.
“I’ve never heard you say once that you did a good job, that you liked it because you did a good job. You just always complemented the directors, the other actors, and the set people. Even when you received awards, you always said you hadn’t deserved it.”
For a second, Yunho’s expression looked irate and then it softened as if the short rise of anger had never appeared.
Jaejoong shrugged. “So you’re saying I should love all my movies?” He looked at the collection again.
“N..no, I guess it’s because I felt you deserved them, those awards. When someone says they liked it, it meant they even liked their part, right? That they were proud of what they’ve done.” Yunho explained softly.
Jaejoong bowed his head to hide the smile he held. As always, Jung Yunho had a way with words that made him want to believe him. So he simply nodded and pointed to the cup of coffee that was cooling on the desk’s surface.
“Coffee for you, from Changmin-sshi. Looks like he’ll be the one cooking breakfast.”
Yunho looked toward the door and sniffed the air, “Is that what that smell is?”
Now that he’d mentioned it, there was a slight smell of burning pancakes in the air. He snickered, “I’ll go check up on him.”
As he turned, he remembered the DVD in his hand. He held it out toward Yunho, who automatically accepted it.
“I really liked this one,” Jaejoong whispered. “A lot.”
He left Yunho smiling after him.
The tiny disaster Jaejoong had expected to see when he walked back into the kitchen wasn’t very tiny at all, since it looked as if Junsu had offered his help with the making of the breakfast as well. There was a slight layer of smoke hovering near the ceiling.
“Hyung! Why does it keep burning?!” Junsu groaned once he had spotted him.
“Did you turn down the heat?”
“Ah! The heat! I forgot,” Changmin lightly smacked his forehead.
Jaejoong walked over to the bowl of batter he had inspected earlier and found that it had grown in proportion.
“What happened to this?”
“Well, it kind of looked too thick, so I added some more milk and then it looked too thin, so Junsu-sshi suggested adding some more flour and I figured since we’re adding more of both that it may have needed another egg and then I guess we got the thickness right eventually, but then once we started to cook them they kept burning and here we are,” Changmin explained helplessly.
Changmin gestured toward a sad looking pile of pancakes. Jaejoong looked at the pile uneasily, but decided to give it a try anyway. He gulped, ripping a piece off a salvageable-looking one.
“It’s good!” He said surprised. “You just have to turn down the heat and it’s going to be alright.”
“Really?!” Changmin tried a piece as well and handed some to Junsu. Together they tasted their creation.
“Hey! Not bad!” Junsu cheered and high-fived Changmin.
By the time Yunho showed up, the other two were cooking up a storm and were rejoicing in the success of their collaboration. Once enough was cooked, they were served proudly and lots of exceedingly content noises came from the chefs.
After discussing their plans for the day over breakfast, they finished their meal and headed to the grocery store. Jaejoong and Junsu picked up a list of things they may need during their stay and a few extra things just because.
Jaejoong watched as Junsu joked around with Yunho and Changmin and then smiled at how the other two responded in kind. Their laughter reached him, their comfort in each other’s presence caused his heart to ache and his throat to tighten. Junsu dragged Changmin to parts of the store that drew his interest and Changmin grumbled about Junsu being overly excited, but he let himself be dragged anyways. They’re having such a good time, which was why Jaejoong put down the cereal box he had in his hand and walked away from the three of them.
He walked past shoppers and tried to find a deserted aisle, but all of them had at least a customer present or someone stocking the shelves. In desperation, he saw the swinging doors an employee exited from and with quick steps Jaejoong entered the back of the store.
It was dimly lit inside and filled with piled on boxes of products. Most importantly, there was no one to be seen. He found a lone stool by a telephone on the wall and sat on it.
His hands trembled and it wasn’t from the cold. He bowed his head and covered his face with his hands, and tried to even out his breathing. He felt that familiar stinging around his eyes and cursed when a tear managed to escape down his cheek.
“Dammit!” He hissed. “Stop! Stop it.” He closed his eyes and pressed the sleeve of Yunho’s jacket across them. He bit his lips to hold back the apologies that wanted to come out. Sorry words and If onlys. For a long time, he just sat there in the dimly lit corner, eyes covered and chest hurting.
Eventually the pain calmed to a dull stinging and he got his trembling hands under control. Only then did he feel another person’s presence in the room.
Yunho sat nearby on one of the box piles, and when he saw that he had been noticed, he got up and sat by Jaejoong’s side.
“Junsu-sshi was looking for you. He thought you may have gotten lost.” He said lightly, but a hint of worry still made it past that calm demeanor.
Jaejoong didn’t trust his voice not to crack so he just nodded.
“It turns out this store sold curtains. They didn’t the last time I was here. But anyways, he chose one and had wanted to know what you thought.”
Jaejoong swallowed and tried to say something about the subject, but something else entirely spilled out.
“…I just wish he was here. I keep thinking about how much he would have liked you guys and this place. And I know I shouldn’t think like this. Why did I have to ruin the day?! It was such a good day too!” He spat angrily.
“Jaejoong-sshi!”
In one swift movement, Yunho had grabbed his shoulders and turned him so that they faced each other. That same intensity Jaejoong had seen in Yunho’s face was back and he couldn’t look away.
“No one said you ruined the day. No one is expecting you to be happy when you’re not. No one…” And then Yunho’s expression softened just like before, and his face drew closer until their foreheads touched and Jaejoong had to close his eyes.
“No one expects you to recover from his death after only a few months, or at all. Just…Rely on me, on us. You don’t always have to smile, and we won’t ask what’s wrong every time you’re too quiet. So please, don’t force yourself.”
Jaejoong wasn’t sure whether it was a promise he could keep, but a part of him felt relieved, as if he had been waiting for those words. So he nodded to indicate that he had understood; their noses and lips brushed just for a second. He raised his hands and grabbed onto Yunho’s forearms to squeeze them in thanks.
Yunho’s hands in turn, released Jaejoong’s shoulders--only to draw up and cup his face, long fingers in his hair, thumbs stroked his cheeks comfortingly as lips softly captured his.
~TBC
Thank you for reading! ^o^/
Parts: 13/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
Chapter 13
A loud crash ripped him away from sleep and pulled him face first into the frigid morning. Jaejoong sat up and looked around, disoriented and confused. Regardless, he pushed the covers away and walked to the source of the sound. He scrubbed at his eyes--head still heavy from sleep--and crossed the empty living room. He managed to find the front door without tripping over his own feet. When he pulled the door open, an envelope fell from its place taped to the door, but more importantly, he found the source of the sound.
“Yunho-sshi?”
Jaejoong found Yunho in front of their door, crouched beside a ladder. It was a familiar seen aside from the broken glass littering the floor.
“Ah! Jaejoong-sshi watch out, don’t take another step!” He warned as he pointed at the glass shards seconds away from Jaejoong’s bare feet.
“What are you doing?” He asked and stepped into the nearest pair of shoes by the doorway and then stepped outside carefully. Just as he reached Yunho’s side, a gust of wind whooshed through the open corridors.
“Oh shit! It’s freezing!” Jaejoong hugged his chest instinctively but realized that they wouldn’t be enough. As if to spite him, his thin t-shirt flapped in the breeze and did everything but keep him warm.
“Yeah, it gets really cold here in the morning. Here wear this,”
Yunho stood up and quickly removed his jacket. Before Jaejoong could object, it was draped around his shoulders and he was enveloped by glorious warmth. He put it on properly and reveled in the toasty goodness.
“Thanks, I was going to refuse but now that I have it on, I don’t think you’ll ever get it back, Yunho-sshi,”
Yunho laughed and looked quite warm in just a sweater now. “That’s alright. I knew it was going to be cold this morning so I bundled up extra warm. See?” And he showed Jaejoong that he had an extra layer underneath.
“Oh! In that case, give me the sweater too!” Jaejoong reached for the sweater, but his hands were trapped by Yunho’s own. A little cool from the weather, but were warm enough.
“No way,” The other man refused, grin firmly in place.
Jaejoong smiled, but really, the jacket had been more than enough. Now that he was warm he directed his attention to the reason he was out there in the first place. Looking at the broken glass and the ladder, he easily realized what had happened.
“Last night, I saw that the bulbs were out again. Since I’m here, my parents immediately put me to work. That and I don’t think you’d appreciate having to grope for the doorknob every night.” Yunho explained.
“How thoughtful of you, thanks.”
He reached for the nearest piece of glass and placed it carefully inside the plastic bag Yunho held.
“Yeah, but now I’ll need to get you a new light cover.”
“There is that.” Jaejoong agreed.
Once they had cleared away most of the glass, Yunho promised that he would give it a more careful sweep once he was done installing the new light bulb. With that said, Jaejoong stayed to help.
“Aside from me ruining your sleep, did you sleep well?” Yunho inquired as he stepped down from the ladder.
“Aside from Junsu threatening to push me off the bed and fighting him for the blankets, yeah, I think I slept pretty well. It was cold though, I think I’ll have to get used to that.”
Yunho nodded and then looked across the courtyard at the still sleeping apartments.
Jaejoong stepped closer to the rails and took his first look at the place he had come to revisit. The sun had yet to rise. There was only that sort of cold illumination early winter mornings brought. A strong breeze disturbed the leaves of the trees and the clothes clinging to clotheslines left to dry overnight. There were morning sounds coming from all over the place, distant rumble of motors, insects, and wind-chimes. He suddenly remembered what had drawn him to this place. It was no wonder that he thought he could find Yoochun here.
He pulled Yunho’s jacket closer, the scent that clung to it rose with every passing breeze.
“I really like it up here,” he said softly.
“Stay as long as you like, Jaejoong-sshi.” Yunho squeezed his shoulder as he walked past. He then folded the ladder and grabbed the bag of broken glass as well. “Come join us for breakfast later. I think Changmin’s hoping for pancakes.”
Jaejoong grinned. “I see how it is. Sure, tell Changmin-sshi he’ll get his pancakes.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. His sick of my burnt eggs anyways.”
Jaejoong laughed at the idea and waved to Yunho as the other walked back to the office down below.
Now that he no longer had a reason to be out there, he jumped inside quickly, still not used to the sudden cold weather. As he was about to close the door, he spied the envelope that had fallen when he opened the door. Curious, he picked it up and found a simple letter. In a flurry of lines it read that Yunho hadn’t wanted to wake them and he hoped they slept well, and that they were invited for breakfast. Written in a different style of writing, it read simply, “Pancakes, please.”
Amused, Jaejoong shut the door and checked on Junsu.
It seemed that ever since he had left the bed, Junsu had rolled into the space and claimed it as his own.
Jaejoong plopped down on the cold floor and watched Junsu sleep. His friend was tangled by both blankets and his loose shirt. Mouth slightly open and chest rising evenly, he looked like the perfect picture of peace. Jaejoong noticed that his hair had grown, his natural hair color starting to show.
“How long are you gonna keep watching me?”
Jaejoong smirked. “You were awake?”
Junsu kept his eyes closed and nodded. “Uhhmm, ever since you ran out of bed.”
“Have you been pretending for that long? They didn’t give you that award for nothing, I guess.”
“Hey!” Junsu’s eyes snapped open and his hand flew to a pillow to throw at Jaejoong, but he stopped at something he saw in Jaejoong’s face.
“What?” Jaejoong blinked.
“Nothing. Ummm nice jacket.” Junsu noted as he sat up.
Jaejoong shrugged. “It was cold outside.”
Junsu agreed by shivering violently. He then looked around at the empty bedroom, at the bare windows and then through them where they could see the roofs of houses and the still foggy hills.
“You weren’t kidding when you said there was nothing in this place.” his friend noted quietly.
Jaejoong spread his fingers over the worn wood of the floor and traced the grains with his fingertips. “I didn’t think I’d ever come back here. So I didn’t see the point of putting anything in it.”
“You got a mattress though,”
He nodded as he recalled that time. “Yeah, because at first I thought I was going to stay here forever.”
Junsu made a thoughtful sound and then as if looking beyond the scenery outside the window, he pointed out, “but you left.”
“I did.”
He lifted his head when Junsu didn’t say anything else. The young actor sat on the mattress, blankets pooled around his lap, a contemplative expression on his face as he looked out the window. Jaejoong had wanted to explain, but maybe he didn’t have to. Maybe Junsu could already feel what it was about this place that almost kept him.
“I’m going to go down to see Yunho-sshi and Changmin-sshi. They invited us for breakfast. Just come down to the office when you’re ready.”
“Mm.” Junsu nodded and said nothing else.
Jaejoong got up, stretched and left Junsu to his thoughts. He showered quickly and pulled out fresh clothes from his bag. He remembered the weather outside and grabbed one of the sweaters he had packed. Yunho had warned them about the weather, but he hadn’t imagined it would have been that cold.
“Damn,” which was why he didn’t pack a heavier coat. He pulled the sweater on, and hoped Yunho didn’t mind as he put the borrowed jacket back on as well.
“See you down there!” He called out just before he braved the cold outdoors.
He practically jogged down the steps, hands in the jacket pockets and neck hidden from any sudden gust of wind. Once he reached the office, he knocked on the closed door. He heard someone call out from inside and in a few seconds, the door was opened for him.
“Morning,” Changmin greeted cheerlessly and handed him a hot cup of coffee, which Jaejoong welcomed immediately by taking a sip.
“Thanks, I needed this. Good morning to you too.”
“It’s too cold to be good,” Changmin grumped.
Jaejoong agreed. He followed Changmin to the kitchen and saw that he was in the process of making breakfast.
“Pancakes?” He peeked into the bowl filled with batter.
“Or a version there of,”
Changmin retrieved a few plates and cups from the cupboard and started to set up the table. “Yunho-hyung’s mom is still sleeping, but I’m sure the smell of your pancakes will rouse her. His dad left early this morning though, I’m not sure if he’ll be back by the time you have to leave. How long are you staying anyways?”
Jaejoong looked up from judging the consistency of the batter. “Huh? Umm, I’m not sure. Maybe a week?”
“Hm, then maybe you’ll get to meet him.”
“Oh. That’s good. I never got to meet them. And your grandmother, is she alright?”
Changmin nodded. “She’ll be up and watering the plants in her little indoor garden later. She doesn’t listen when I tell her she needs to rest. Instead, she tells me I looked like I needed it more.”
Jaejoong chuckled. She’s as spirited as he remembered her.
“Oh here, Yunho-hyung went to shower, He’s probably done by now. Just go down the hall. You’ll know when it’s his room. I’ll get breakfast started.” Changmin said as he handed him another fresh cup of coffee.
“I…” Jaejoong looked cluelessly at the cup and then at the waiting pancake batter.
“It’s alright. I’ll cook ‘em. Then you can tell me how much I’ve improved.” Changmin persuaded.
Jaejoong accepted the cup with his free hand and walked into the hallway Changmin had pointed to. He’d never been in this part of the apartment. Unlike the one he owned, this one was larger, and had more rooms. And just as Changmin had told him, he spotted the door to Yunho’s room right away. Partly open, its door had a nameplate on it, carved into a piece of wood shaped like a star, as if it had hung there for ages, and it may just had.
“Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong called out, but heard no answer.
He pushed the door open with his shoulder and was met with a very clean room. Clean, aside from a few clothes strewn across the bed and an open luggage on the floor. It housed the usual things a room would have. There was a desk near the window, trophies on the shelves and picture frames. A large painting took up most of one wall and beneath it was a case filled with DVDs.
Jaejoong crossed the room after being drawn by the collection. He placed the coffee cups on top of the desk and crouched down to view the titles. He recognized some of them. Some were movies he also liked and a few were his favorites. He couldn’t tell what sort of categorizing system Yunho used. Not alphabetically or genre oriented at all. And among them, he saw his movies, quite a few of them side by side and also Junsu’s and right beside that collection were Yoochun’s.
“By actors then?” Jaejoong wondered aloud, but found that that hadn’t been the case for the others sharing the shelves.
“By favorites.”
Jaejoong jumped in surprise and looked up. Yunho stood by the bathroom door, a towel around his waist and another being used to dry his hair. His chest still glistened from the recent shower.
Jaejoong picked up the movie he had shared with Junsu and Yoochun, that script they all had fallen in love with when they first laid eyes on it. He stood as he viewed the cover. The picture had been taken during a break in filming, when the photographer happened by them animatedly talking about something. By now, he couldn’t recall what they had been talking about that day, but he remembered everyone agreeing it was perfect for the movie cover.
“All my movies? Come on, even I didn’t like some of them.” He grinned challengingly at Yunho.
“You never do,”
Yunho approached and grabbed another movie in which Jaejoong starred in and showed him the cover. This close, Jaejoong could smell the scent of the soap Yunho used, and his shampoo and aftershave. His eyes followed a water droplet as it trailed down from Yunho’s collar bone to his well-toned chest.
“What do you mean?” He asked, ripping his gaze away from a few more water droplets and up to Yunho’s very close face.
“I’ve never heard you say once that you did a good job, that you liked it because you did a good job. You just always complemented the directors, the other actors, and the set people. Even when you received awards, you always said you hadn’t deserved it.”
For a second, Yunho’s expression looked irate and then it softened as if the short rise of anger had never appeared.
Jaejoong shrugged. “So you’re saying I should love all my movies?” He looked at the collection again.
“N..no, I guess it’s because I felt you deserved them, those awards. When someone says they liked it, it meant they even liked their part, right? That they were proud of what they’ve done.” Yunho explained softly.
Jaejoong bowed his head to hide the smile he held. As always, Jung Yunho had a way with words that made him want to believe him. So he simply nodded and pointed to the cup of coffee that was cooling on the desk’s surface.
“Coffee for you, from Changmin-sshi. Looks like he’ll be the one cooking breakfast.”
Yunho looked toward the door and sniffed the air, “Is that what that smell is?”
Now that he’d mentioned it, there was a slight smell of burning pancakes in the air. He snickered, “I’ll go check up on him.”
As he turned, he remembered the DVD in his hand. He held it out toward Yunho, who automatically accepted it.
“I really liked this one,” Jaejoong whispered. “A lot.”
He left Yunho smiling after him.
The tiny disaster Jaejoong had expected to see when he walked back into the kitchen wasn’t very tiny at all, since it looked as if Junsu had offered his help with the making of the breakfast as well. There was a slight layer of smoke hovering near the ceiling.
“Hyung! Why does it keep burning?!” Junsu groaned once he had spotted him.
“Did you turn down the heat?”
“Ah! The heat! I forgot,” Changmin lightly smacked his forehead.
Jaejoong walked over to the bowl of batter he had inspected earlier and found that it had grown in proportion.
“What happened to this?”
“Well, it kind of looked too thick, so I added some more milk and then it looked too thin, so Junsu-sshi suggested adding some more flour and I figured since we’re adding more of both that it may have needed another egg and then I guess we got the thickness right eventually, but then once we started to cook them they kept burning and here we are,” Changmin explained helplessly.
Changmin gestured toward a sad looking pile of pancakes. Jaejoong looked at the pile uneasily, but decided to give it a try anyway. He gulped, ripping a piece off a salvageable-looking one.
“It’s good!” He said surprised. “You just have to turn down the heat and it’s going to be alright.”
“Really?!” Changmin tried a piece as well and handed some to Junsu. Together they tasted their creation.
“Hey! Not bad!” Junsu cheered and high-fived Changmin.
By the time Yunho showed up, the other two were cooking up a storm and were rejoicing in the success of their collaboration. Once enough was cooked, they were served proudly and lots of exceedingly content noises came from the chefs.
After discussing their plans for the day over breakfast, they finished their meal and headed to the grocery store. Jaejoong and Junsu picked up a list of things they may need during their stay and a few extra things just because.
Jaejoong watched as Junsu joked around with Yunho and Changmin and then smiled at how the other two responded in kind. Their laughter reached him, their comfort in each other’s presence caused his heart to ache and his throat to tighten. Junsu dragged Changmin to parts of the store that drew his interest and Changmin grumbled about Junsu being overly excited, but he let himself be dragged anyways. They’re having such a good time, which was why Jaejoong put down the cereal box he had in his hand and walked away from the three of them.
He walked past shoppers and tried to find a deserted aisle, but all of them had at least a customer present or someone stocking the shelves. In desperation, he saw the swinging doors an employee exited from and with quick steps Jaejoong entered the back of the store.
It was dimly lit inside and filled with piled on boxes of products. Most importantly, there was no one to be seen. He found a lone stool by a telephone on the wall and sat on it.
His hands trembled and it wasn’t from the cold. He bowed his head and covered his face with his hands, and tried to even out his breathing. He felt that familiar stinging around his eyes and cursed when a tear managed to escape down his cheek.
“Dammit!” He hissed. “Stop! Stop it.” He closed his eyes and pressed the sleeve of Yunho’s jacket across them. He bit his lips to hold back the apologies that wanted to come out. Sorry words and If onlys. For a long time, he just sat there in the dimly lit corner, eyes covered and chest hurting.
Eventually the pain calmed to a dull stinging and he got his trembling hands under control. Only then did he feel another person’s presence in the room.
Yunho sat nearby on one of the box piles, and when he saw that he had been noticed, he got up and sat by Jaejoong’s side.
“Junsu-sshi was looking for you. He thought you may have gotten lost.” He said lightly, but a hint of worry still made it past that calm demeanor.
Jaejoong didn’t trust his voice not to crack so he just nodded.
“It turns out this store sold curtains. They didn’t the last time I was here. But anyways, he chose one and had wanted to know what you thought.”
Jaejoong swallowed and tried to say something about the subject, but something else entirely spilled out.
“…I just wish he was here. I keep thinking about how much he would have liked you guys and this place. And I know I shouldn’t think like this. Why did I have to ruin the day?! It was such a good day too!” He spat angrily.
“Jaejoong-sshi!”
In one swift movement, Yunho had grabbed his shoulders and turned him so that they faced each other. That same intensity Jaejoong had seen in Yunho’s face was back and he couldn’t look away.
“No one said you ruined the day. No one is expecting you to be happy when you’re not. No one…” And then Yunho’s expression softened just like before, and his face drew closer until their foreheads touched and Jaejoong had to close his eyes.
“No one expects you to recover from his death after only a few months, or at all. Just…Rely on me, on us. You don’t always have to smile, and we won’t ask what’s wrong every time you’re too quiet. So please, don’t force yourself.”
Jaejoong wasn’t sure whether it was a promise he could keep, but a part of him felt relieved, as if he had been waiting for those words. So he nodded to indicate that he had understood; their noses and lips brushed just for a second. He raised his hands and grabbed onto Yunho’s forearms to squeeze them in thanks.
Yunho’s hands in turn, released Jaejoong’s shoulders--only to draw up and cup his face, long fingers in his hair, thumbs stroked his cheeks comfortingly as lips softly captured his.
~TBC
Thank you for reading! ^o^/