[FIC] Never Again part 11
Title: Never Again
Parts: 11/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10.
Junsu woke up to the raspy whisper of turning paper. His eyelids felt too heavy to lift open so he remained in this state of semi-wakefulness. It felt as if his face and his lips were above the surface, in some open space, cooled by a sweeping breeze, while the rest of his body and his fingers were still immersed in a deep blue floating. Some time passed and then that sound again, of skin slipping against paper slipping against paper. Coming up from the deep sleep he had been in, he held onto that sound as feeling began to return to him. First, he realized that his head throbbed in pain, and second, his entire body too. And, despite the weight of blankets he felt on him, he was really cold.
Another page was turned.
There was a sense of slowness to everything, as if his ears were covered and everything was muffled and echo-y.
“Yoochun-hyung, read to me.” Junsu asked softly. His voice sounded rougher than he’d ever heard it.
A chair creaked, the sound of wood being relieved of some weight.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
The speaker’s voice held a solid quality to it, unlike Yoochun’s voice, which was more liquid, quick-silver teasing.
And Junsu knew, “You’re not him are you?”
“No, sorry,” The sound of fingers smoothing over paper. “But I could still read to you.”
It wouldn’t be the same, he thought, but…
Upon his nod, the person started to read out loud. Every word was a clear, precise and smooth caress. And the details, pictures, and the characters appeared in Junsu’s mind quite easily. There was a like for these characters, for this tale. There was a familiarity, as if he’d read it more than a few times.
Junsu didn’t want to, but he had begun to drift back to sleep. The steady voice echoed in his mind, lulling him back to…He fought the encompassing warmth and lost.
The next time he woke up was from the press of cool cloth on his feverish skin. He was still chasing wisps and bits of his dream when he opened his eyes. It must have been pleasant, but he’d already forgotten it.
“You’re…” He examined the person that hovered over him carefully. Gentle hands that held the cloth on his forehead moved away.
“Shim Changmin.”
“Why do you always see me sleeping?” Junsu realized.
“Two times hardly count as always, Junsu-sshi,” Changmin countered.
Junsu smirked as he watched Changmin sit back in that rickety old chair he could never find the heart to toss out. And only then did he fully realize where he was and remember what had happened hours before.
“Where’s Jaejoong-hyung?” He tried to sit up, but the world dipped and rocked in a very unpleasant way. He lied back down. As his head hit the pillow, his words began to wash over him, many angry words that Jaejoong hadn’t deserved.
“Damn it,” Junsu shut his eyes and hoped it had been a dream, some sort of nightmare but…
Taking his groan for physical pain, Changmin was immediately by his side.
“Are you alright, Junsu-sshi? Where do you hurt? Would you like some water? Jaejoong-sshi went to get some medicine if--”
“No, I’m fine.” He shook his head and then pulled the covers over him. In the darkness of the sheets he wished he could disappear. “Please, can you leave me alone.”
There was an uncertain pause and then finally creaking steps toward the door.
“I feel guilty for breathing.” He whispered in the darkness of the sheets.
The doorknob turned, but the door didn’t open. A few seconds later, footsteps returned. That chair creaked again and then the flipping of a page.
The moist and filling aroma of soup woke him the third time. His favorite and also Yoochun’s.
“Soup for you, Junsu-sshi.” Changmin chirped.
“I don’t want any.” He turned away from the steaming bowl, feeling like a brat when he caught the curling of Changmin’s eyebrows.
“Hmmmm..” The other hummed thoughtfully.
“Fine,” He heard Changmin take a seat and then the sound of silverware hitting porcelain. “I’ll have it then.”
“What?!” Junsu turned back and sat up dizzily.
Changmin held up a spoonful of soup almost to his lips and wore the most innocent of expressions. “You said you didn’t want any. It would be a shame to waste.” He delivered crisply.
“What kind of nurse are you? You can’t eat the sick person’s food.” Junsu argued.
“I’m not your nurse and the sick person didn’t want it.”
“Yeah, I do!” Junsu made a grab for the bowl, but Changmin was too far.
Changmin moved the spoon closer to his lips-
“No, don’t! That’s mine!”
“Doesn’t have your name on it.”
“Why you…” Junsu growled.
He was about to demand Changmin gave back his soup when he spied the crafty grin behind the spoon. His fighting spirit dissipated.
“…Give it back. I want some.” He ended up saying.
Changmin made a show of thinking about it, but in the end placed the tray on Junsu’s lap and handed him the bowl of soup.
“…Thanks.”
Changmin nodded and gestured toward the soup, telling him to get started.
Junsu hadn’t realized how hungry he’d been until the first spoonful flooded his mouth. His stomach begged for more and he gave it as much as he could take in. Changmin just sat there quietly, watching him and handing him a glass of juice when it looked like he needed it.
“Oh, here, some medicine for you.”
Junsu looked up from his bowl, at the abandoned cut-celery Yoochun usually ate for him. He looked at the offered pills and then toward his closed bedroom door.
“Jaejoong-hyung’s back?”
Changmin placed the pills on Junsu’s palm and nodded. “Yeah, he’s tidying up the place, I believe.”
“Oh.” Junsu popped the pills into his mouth and took deep gulps of juice. He wondered about the things Jaejoong would find cleaning. He wondered how he’d react. He wondered why it was Changmin bringing him the food and medicine.
“Junsu-sshi? Do you want some more?”
Junsu scooped some celery onto his spoon and ate the crunchy greens. He repressed the shudder that came with eating his most hated vegetable, and handed Changmin the tray.
“Thanks.”
Changmin stood and turned to leave. “Is there anything else you want? More juice?”
Junsu looked at this stranger in his bedroom and almost asked for Jaejoong, but he wondered if there was a reason Jaejoong didn’t bring the soup in himself.
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
Changmin walked out. Conversation filtered into his bedroom momentarily and then Jaejoong’s laughter, before the door drew shut.
Junsu reached over to his bedside table and retrieved a worn picture frame. It was dusty from neglect. He took a corner of his blanket and wiped the glass clean. In the picture, Yoochun had just taken a ninja-quick bite off Junsu’s birthday cake. He looked at his appalled expression, hanging jaw and all, and on the side, Jaejoong had fallen off his chair laughing. A tiny smile grazed Junsu’s lips just before he brought the picture frame close to his face and it caught his tears.
“Comeback.”
It continued like that, day after day, Changmin knocked on his door and brought him something to eat. Changmin sat in front of his laptop and worked on something while Junsu re-watched Yoochun’s movies over and over. He didn’t really mind Changmin’s presence, didn’t mind that sometimes Changmin closed his laptop and watched the movies with him. He’d have comments on a few of his favorite scenes and would have questions about others. Junsu found himself answering the ones he knew about and sometimes revealed things no one else knew. He laughed across his descriptions on a few cut scenes featuring Yoochun and wiped furiously at the tears that always came at the end of each movie. He didn’t mind that Changmin saw them.
Changmin had been there to wake him from a nightmare and had let him cry all over his shirt. He really didn’t mind.
By the time he was well enough to walk around and answer his apartment door, Changmin hadn’t felt like a stranger anymore.
Except when he opened his door this time, it wasn’t Changmin that stood beyond the threshold.
“Hi,” Jung Yunho waved carefully. “Sorry, Changmin couldn’t make it today. I brought lunch though.”
Changmin always brought food.
Junsu reached for the bags, “thanks”, and began to shut the door.
“Hey!” Yunho pushed against the shutting door, “Listen, I know I’m not your most favorite person in the world, but I was sent to make sure you ate and was feeling alright so…”
Junsu narrowed his eyes and released the door so Yunho could come in. He heard the door close behind him and Yunho following behind.
“Umm, how are you feeling?”
“Fine, obviously.”
“That’s good.”
Junsu turned vehemently to tell Yunho it shouldn’t matter to him how he was feeling but his words got caught in his throat when he saw the genuine looking smile on the man’s face.
Where’s Jaejoong-hyung-“where’s Changmin-sshi anyways?”
“Ahh, he had to return home for a while, his grandmother--”
“No,” Junsu held a hand up. “It’s none of my business, sorry.”
He started unloading the contents of the bag and opened the containers, the food still steaming.
“Did you cook these?” He looked at Yunho who came to uncover the rest.
“No.”
Junsu watched him take some plates and silverware from the kitchen and place them on the table.
“You’ve been here before.”
“Ah, I hope you don’t mind. I thought I should do it. Don’t want you to strain yourself. You’re still recovering and all.”
“I can handle it, thanks.” Junsu sat down and watched Yunho scoop food portions onto his plate for him. This man’s thoughtfulness was too real.
“Why are you doing this? Is it for Jaejoong-hyung?”
Yunho paused from his task and blinked curiously at him. “What do you mean?”
Junsu growled. “I mean, you don’t know me! Why are you here in my apartment making sure I’m well and serving me food?”
Yunho put the serving spoon down and smiled. “You know, I’ve never really thought about it.”
Junsu frowned, completely disarmed. He stared down at the food getting cold in his plate and ate a spoonful of it.
“You’ve seen I’m fine and that I’ve eaten. I think you can leave now.”
He felt Yunho’s eyes on him and the man’s continued gaze prompted him to take a few more spoonfuls. It seemed only once he was satisfied that Yunho moved and walked toward the door.
“I think there’s also some dessert there. Take care, Junsu-sshi. I’ll see myself out.”
And the door shut shortly after.
The food was too good to take his frustration out on. And no one was there to convince him to 'let it go and just eat' anyways. He finished quite a sum of the delivered lunch and still had some room for dessert. He found them in one of the bags and quickly uncovered the sweets.
“Cake,” he was surprised.
He suspected he knew who made it just by looking and after the first bite, he was sure.
“Jaejoong-hyung.”
He looked at the rest of the spread. At the grains of rice left on the side of his plate. It had all been made by him.
Junsu began to wonder about the food Changmin had brought days before. Where those by Jaejoong too?
Junsu placed a slice on another plate and slid it in front of the seat across him. Porcelain scraping against varnished wood.
He began to eat the fluffy and sweet slice while he trained his eyes on the untouched one across from him. Halfway finished, he laughed as the other slice still remained uneaten.
“I’m going crazy.” He chuckled. The icing now tasted bitter.
“I’m going crazy...” More soberly.
“I’m going crazy!” He reached across the table and swiped at the plate. Cake splattered against his hand and on the floor. The plate broke against the tiles.
He sank to his seat and held his tears, gritted his teeth. He swallowed forcefully and wiped the cake bits off his hand using his shirt. Taking deep rasping breaths, he picked himself up and started to clear the table mechanically. Junsu gathered the broken plate shards and threw them into the trash.
About half an hour later, he felt his raw emotions soften at the edges. He had tidied up the room and showered, kept himself occupied.
Wiping the table off of dust and clearing it, he took notice of his phone for the first time. The red light blinked at him, and a large number on the screen beside it told him how many messages he had. He pressed the ‘play’ button and familiar voices rolled off the tape. He continued cleaning as he listened. Some of them hoped he got better, others reminded him of appointments. His assistant listed off a mouthful of things he needed to attend to and some co-stars told him to take it easy, they all understood.
He was two rooms away when all the new messages finished and the old ones began to play.
“Junsu, you’re late. I’ve been waiting for half an hour.”
“Hey! Where are you?”
“Hyung said to bring that large pot you have, he just burned something ugly on ours and it’s useless now-I’m telling him already, calm down it’s just a pot!”
Junsu had dropped the broom when the first message played. He had wanted to move, to run to the machine and stop it, but couldn’t. Instead, he just stood still, frozen at the spot as Yoochun’s voice flooded the space.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…Happy birthday deeeeeeeeeeear Junsu….Hey, how old are you turning again? Let’s see, you were twenty how many years ago? So, thirteen?” Laughter. Lots of laughter.
“Junsu,” Jaejoong-hyung. “don’t forget to stop by the store to get some snacks. Yoochun says he wants the spicy ones.”
The only messages he didn’t erase. Just because.
Piano keys. “You’re not here right now. How’s filming in Italy? I guess you’ll hear this when you get back.” The song continued to play, accompanied by Yoochun’s soft humming.
Junsu sank to the floor, slowly and surprisingly calm. He let Yoochun’s voice move over him as he leaned against the closest wall. He searched his arms; Nothing but smooth skin. Not one scar from the accident, not one physical memory to tie him with Yoochun.
These messages, his movies, his gifts, their pictures together, and Jaejoong. Yoochun had left him plenty and at the same time, nothing.
Junsu got up, patted dust off his pants, and headed to the living room. He had to finish that movie, had to call his assistant back. His finger hovered over the ‘stop’ button as more of Yoochun’s messages played.
“Junsu, I’m drunk again. Pick me up. I love you, babe.”
And his finger pressed rewind.
“…pick me up. I love you, babe.”
Junsu laughed bitterly.
“Love you too.”
When the director yelled for a break, the entire set stirred into action. Junsu wiped sweat from his forehead and waved his assistant away. All he wanted was to sit somewhere quiet for a while and let his mind wander where it would.
Changmin hadn’t come back yet and Jung Yunho still brought him food despite his protests. But unlike the first time, Yunho didn’t force himself into the apartment to make sure Junsu ate. He just delivered the food with that aggravating smile on his face and left.
Junsu ate Jaejoong’s deliciously cooked food in his dining room as Yoochun’s messages played in his machine.
He walked past the filming staff and headed out of the studio. The sunlight beyond the huge doors looked bright and very inviting. He hastened his steps.
Once he breached the open doors, he was immediately splashed with golden sunlight. He stretched and let the strain of work roll off his shoulders, let the breeze lift his lips into a smile.
“Junsu,” A voice to his left caught his attention and he jumped when he found Jaejoong to be the owner.
“Hyung! What are you--?” The rest of his sentence remained unspoken at the sight of the bags filled with food.
“I thought it’s around your lunch time by now.” Jaejoong offered.
Junsu only nodded dumbly. “Are you here to visit me?”
“And eat with you. That is…If you don’t mind.” There had been a note of fear in his voice. Uncertainty…
“You didn't bring those other meals to me.”
Jaejoong avoided his gaze. “Maybe you didn’t want to see me.”
Tears came to him unbidden and he was suddenly running toward Jaejoong. He embraced the surprised man and felt it returned just as fiercely.
“I would never feel that way!” He yelled. “You’re the only one I have left. You’re the only one.” His voice cracked at the discovery and he clung onto Jaejoong harder. “I thought you…”
Jaejoong shook his head against his.
“We’re a bunch of idiots.” Jaejoong laughed against his ear.
“We are.” He breathed.
Junsu lifted his face to the sky, wishing he was here.
“I love you, babe.”
Thank you for reading. ^~^♥
Parts: 11/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10.
Junsu woke up to the raspy whisper of turning paper. His eyelids felt too heavy to lift open so he remained in this state of semi-wakefulness. It felt as if his face and his lips were above the surface, in some open space, cooled by a sweeping breeze, while the rest of his body and his fingers were still immersed in a deep blue floating. Some time passed and then that sound again, of skin slipping against paper slipping against paper. Coming up from the deep sleep he had been in, he held onto that sound as feeling began to return to him. First, he realized that his head throbbed in pain, and second, his entire body too. And, despite the weight of blankets he felt on him, he was really cold.
Another page was turned.
There was a sense of slowness to everything, as if his ears were covered and everything was muffled and echo-y.
“Yoochun-hyung, read to me.” Junsu asked softly. His voice sounded rougher than he’d ever heard it.
A chair creaked, the sound of wood being relieved of some weight.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
The speaker’s voice held a solid quality to it, unlike Yoochun’s voice, which was more liquid, quick-silver teasing.
And Junsu knew, “You’re not him are you?”
“No, sorry,” The sound of fingers smoothing over paper. “But I could still read to you.”
It wouldn’t be the same, he thought, but…
Upon his nod, the person started to read out loud. Every word was a clear, precise and smooth caress. And the details, pictures, and the characters appeared in Junsu’s mind quite easily. There was a like for these characters, for this tale. There was a familiarity, as if he’d read it more than a few times.
Junsu didn’t want to, but he had begun to drift back to sleep. The steady voice echoed in his mind, lulling him back to…He fought the encompassing warmth and lost.
The next time he woke up was from the press of cool cloth on his feverish skin. He was still chasing wisps and bits of his dream when he opened his eyes. It must have been pleasant, but he’d already forgotten it.
“You’re…” He examined the person that hovered over him carefully. Gentle hands that held the cloth on his forehead moved away.
“Shim Changmin.”
“Why do you always see me sleeping?” Junsu realized.
“Two times hardly count as always, Junsu-sshi,” Changmin countered.
Junsu smirked as he watched Changmin sit back in that rickety old chair he could never find the heart to toss out. And only then did he fully realize where he was and remember what had happened hours before.
“Where’s Jaejoong-hyung?” He tried to sit up, but the world dipped and rocked in a very unpleasant way. He lied back down. As his head hit the pillow, his words began to wash over him, many angry words that Jaejoong hadn’t deserved.
“Damn it,” Junsu shut his eyes and hoped it had been a dream, some sort of nightmare but…
Taking his groan for physical pain, Changmin was immediately by his side.
“Are you alright, Junsu-sshi? Where do you hurt? Would you like some water? Jaejoong-sshi went to get some medicine if--”
“No, I’m fine.” He shook his head and then pulled the covers over him. In the darkness of the sheets he wished he could disappear. “Please, can you leave me alone.”
There was an uncertain pause and then finally creaking steps toward the door.
“I feel guilty for breathing.” He whispered in the darkness of the sheets.
The doorknob turned, but the door didn’t open. A few seconds later, footsteps returned. That chair creaked again and then the flipping of a page.
The moist and filling aroma of soup woke him the third time. His favorite and also Yoochun’s.
“Soup for you, Junsu-sshi.” Changmin chirped.
“I don’t want any.” He turned away from the steaming bowl, feeling like a brat when he caught the curling of Changmin’s eyebrows.
“Hmmmm..” The other hummed thoughtfully.
“Fine,” He heard Changmin take a seat and then the sound of silverware hitting porcelain. “I’ll have it then.”
“What?!” Junsu turned back and sat up dizzily.
Changmin held up a spoonful of soup almost to his lips and wore the most innocent of expressions. “You said you didn’t want any. It would be a shame to waste.” He delivered crisply.
“What kind of nurse are you? You can’t eat the sick person’s food.” Junsu argued.
“I’m not your nurse and the sick person didn’t want it.”
“Yeah, I do!” Junsu made a grab for the bowl, but Changmin was too far.
Changmin moved the spoon closer to his lips-
“No, don’t! That’s mine!”
“Doesn’t have your name on it.”
“Why you…” Junsu growled.
He was about to demand Changmin gave back his soup when he spied the crafty grin behind the spoon. His fighting spirit dissipated.
“…Give it back. I want some.” He ended up saying.
Changmin made a show of thinking about it, but in the end placed the tray on Junsu’s lap and handed him the bowl of soup.
“…Thanks.”
Changmin nodded and gestured toward the soup, telling him to get started.
Junsu hadn’t realized how hungry he’d been until the first spoonful flooded his mouth. His stomach begged for more and he gave it as much as he could take in. Changmin just sat there quietly, watching him and handing him a glass of juice when it looked like he needed it.
“Oh, here, some medicine for you.”
Junsu looked up from his bowl, at the abandoned cut-celery Yoochun usually ate for him. He looked at the offered pills and then toward his closed bedroom door.
“Jaejoong-hyung’s back?”
Changmin placed the pills on Junsu’s palm and nodded. “Yeah, he’s tidying up the place, I believe.”
“Oh.” Junsu popped the pills into his mouth and took deep gulps of juice. He wondered about the things Jaejoong would find cleaning. He wondered how he’d react. He wondered why it was Changmin bringing him the food and medicine.
“Junsu-sshi? Do you want some more?”
Junsu scooped some celery onto his spoon and ate the crunchy greens. He repressed the shudder that came with eating his most hated vegetable, and handed Changmin the tray.
“Thanks.”
Changmin stood and turned to leave. “Is there anything else you want? More juice?”
Junsu looked at this stranger in his bedroom and almost asked for Jaejoong, but he wondered if there was a reason Jaejoong didn’t bring the soup in himself.
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
Changmin walked out. Conversation filtered into his bedroom momentarily and then Jaejoong’s laughter, before the door drew shut.
Junsu reached over to his bedside table and retrieved a worn picture frame. It was dusty from neglect. He took a corner of his blanket and wiped the glass clean. In the picture, Yoochun had just taken a ninja-quick bite off Junsu’s birthday cake. He looked at his appalled expression, hanging jaw and all, and on the side, Jaejoong had fallen off his chair laughing. A tiny smile grazed Junsu’s lips just before he brought the picture frame close to his face and it caught his tears.
“Comeback.”
It continued like that, day after day, Changmin knocked on his door and brought him something to eat. Changmin sat in front of his laptop and worked on something while Junsu re-watched Yoochun’s movies over and over. He didn’t really mind Changmin’s presence, didn’t mind that sometimes Changmin closed his laptop and watched the movies with him. He’d have comments on a few of his favorite scenes and would have questions about others. Junsu found himself answering the ones he knew about and sometimes revealed things no one else knew. He laughed across his descriptions on a few cut scenes featuring Yoochun and wiped furiously at the tears that always came at the end of each movie. He didn’t mind that Changmin saw them.
Changmin had been there to wake him from a nightmare and had let him cry all over his shirt. He really didn’t mind.
By the time he was well enough to walk around and answer his apartment door, Changmin hadn’t felt like a stranger anymore.
Except when he opened his door this time, it wasn’t Changmin that stood beyond the threshold.
“Hi,” Jung Yunho waved carefully. “Sorry, Changmin couldn’t make it today. I brought lunch though.”
Changmin always brought food.
Junsu reached for the bags, “thanks”, and began to shut the door.
“Hey!” Yunho pushed against the shutting door, “Listen, I know I’m not your most favorite person in the world, but I was sent to make sure you ate and was feeling alright so…”
Junsu narrowed his eyes and released the door so Yunho could come in. He heard the door close behind him and Yunho following behind.
“Umm, how are you feeling?”
“Fine, obviously.”
“That’s good.”
Junsu turned vehemently to tell Yunho it shouldn’t matter to him how he was feeling but his words got caught in his throat when he saw the genuine looking smile on the man’s face.
Where’s Jaejoong-hyung-“where’s Changmin-sshi anyways?”
“Ahh, he had to return home for a while, his grandmother--”
“No,” Junsu held a hand up. “It’s none of my business, sorry.”
He started unloading the contents of the bag and opened the containers, the food still steaming.
“Did you cook these?” He looked at Yunho who came to uncover the rest.
“No.”
Junsu watched him take some plates and silverware from the kitchen and place them on the table.
“You’ve been here before.”
“Ah, I hope you don’t mind. I thought I should do it. Don’t want you to strain yourself. You’re still recovering and all.”
“I can handle it, thanks.” Junsu sat down and watched Yunho scoop food portions onto his plate for him. This man’s thoughtfulness was too real.
“Why are you doing this? Is it for Jaejoong-hyung?”
Yunho paused from his task and blinked curiously at him. “What do you mean?”
Junsu growled. “I mean, you don’t know me! Why are you here in my apartment making sure I’m well and serving me food?”
Yunho put the serving spoon down and smiled. “You know, I’ve never really thought about it.”
Junsu frowned, completely disarmed. He stared down at the food getting cold in his plate and ate a spoonful of it.
“You’ve seen I’m fine and that I’ve eaten. I think you can leave now.”
He felt Yunho’s eyes on him and the man’s continued gaze prompted him to take a few more spoonfuls. It seemed only once he was satisfied that Yunho moved and walked toward the door.
“I think there’s also some dessert there. Take care, Junsu-sshi. I’ll see myself out.”
And the door shut shortly after.
The food was too good to take his frustration out on. And no one was there to convince him to 'let it go and just eat' anyways. He finished quite a sum of the delivered lunch and still had some room for dessert. He found them in one of the bags and quickly uncovered the sweets.
“Cake,” he was surprised.
He suspected he knew who made it just by looking and after the first bite, he was sure.
“Jaejoong-hyung.”
He looked at the rest of the spread. At the grains of rice left on the side of his plate. It had all been made by him.
Junsu began to wonder about the food Changmin had brought days before. Where those by Jaejoong too?
Junsu placed a slice on another plate and slid it in front of the seat across him. Porcelain scraping against varnished wood.
He began to eat the fluffy and sweet slice while he trained his eyes on the untouched one across from him. Halfway finished, he laughed as the other slice still remained uneaten.
“I’m going crazy.” He chuckled. The icing now tasted bitter.
“I’m going crazy...” More soberly.
“I’m going crazy!” He reached across the table and swiped at the plate. Cake splattered against his hand and on the floor. The plate broke against the tiles.
He sank to his seat and held his tears, gritted his teeth. He swallowed forcefully and wiped the cake bits off his hand using his shirt. Taking deep rasping breaths, he picked himself up and started to clear the table mechanically. Junsu gathered the broken plate shards and threw them into the trash.
About half an hour later, he felt his raw emotions soften at the edges. He had tidied up the room and showered, kept himself occupied.
Wiping the table off of dust and clearing it, he took notice of his phone for the first time. The red light blinked at him, and a large number on the screen beside it told him how many messages he had. He pressed the ‘play’ button and familiar voices rolled off the tape. He continued cleaning as he listened. Some of them hoped he got better, others reminded him of appointments. His assistant listed off a mouthful of things he needed to attend to and some co-stars told him to take it easy, they all understood.
He was two rooms away when all the new messages finished and the old ones began to play.
“Junsu, you’re late. I’ve been waiting for half an hour.”
“Hey! Where are you?”
“Hyung said to bring that large pot you have, he just burned something ugly on ours and it’s useless now-I’m telling him already, calm down it’s just a pot!”
Junsu had dropped the broom when the first message played. He had wanted to move, to run to the machine and stop it, but couldn’t. Instead, he just stood still, frozen at the spot as Yoochun’s voice flooded the space.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…Happy birthday deeeeeeeeeeear Junsu….Hey, how old are you turning again? Let’s see, you were twenty how many years ago? So, thirteen?” Laughter. Lots of laughter.
“Junsu,” Jaejoong-hyung. “don’t forget to stop by the store to get some snacks. Yoochun says he wants the spicy ones.”
The only messages he didn’t erase. Just because.
Piano keys. “You’re not here right now. How’s filming in Italy? I guess you’ll hear this when you get back.” The song continued to play, accompanied by Yoochun’s soft humming.
Junsu sank to the floor, slowly and surprisingly calm. He let Yoochun’s voice move over him as he leaned against the closest wall. He searched his arms; Nothing but smooth skin. Not one scar from the accident, not one physical memory to tie him with Yoochun.
These messages, his movies, his gifts, their pictures together, and Jaejoong. Yoochun had left him plenty and at the same time, nothing.
Junsu got up, patted dust off his pants, and headed to the living room. He had to finish that movie, had to call his assistant back. His finger hovered over the ‘stop’ button as more of Yoochun’s messages played.
“Junsu, I’m drunk again. Pick me up. I love you, babe.”
And his finger pressed rewind.
“…pick me up. I love you, babe.”
Junsu laughed bitterly.
“Love you too.”
When the director yelled for a break, the entire set stirred into action. Junsu wiped sweat from his forehead and waved his assistant away. All he wanted was to sit somewhere quiet for a while and let his mind wander where it would.
Changmin hadn’t come back yet and Jung Yunho still brought him food despite his protests. But unlike the first time, Yunho didn’t force himself into the apartment to make sure Junsu ate. He just delivered the food with that aggravating smile on his face and left.
Junsu ate Jaejoong’s deliciously cooked food in his dining room as Yoochun’s messages played in his machine.
He walked past the filming staff and headed out of the studio. The sunlight beyond the huge doors looked bright and very inviting. He hastened his steps.
Once he breached the open doors, he was immediately splashed with golden sunlight. He stretched and let the strain of work roll off his shoulders, let the breeze lift his lips into a smile.
“Junsu,” A voice to his left caught his attention and he jumped when he found Jaejoong to be the owner.
“Hyung! What are you--?” The rest of his sentence remained unspoken at the sight of the bags filled with food.
“I thought it’s around your lunch time by now.” Jaejoong offered.
Junsu only nodded dumbly. “Are you here to visit me?”
“And eat with you. That is…If you don’t mind.” There had been a note of fear in his voice. Uncertainty…
“You didn't bring those other meals to me.”
Jaejoong avoided his gaze. “Maybe you didn’t want to see me.”
Tears came to him unbidden and he was suddenly running toward Jaejoong. He embraced the surprised man and felt it returned just as fiercely.
“I would never feel that way!” He yelled. “You’re the only one I have left. You’re the only one.” His voice cracked at the discovery and he clung onto Jaejoong harder. “I thought you…”
Jaejoong shook his head against his.
“We’re a bunch of idiots.” Jaejoong laughed against his ear.
“We are.” He breathed.
Junsu lifted his face to the sky, wishing he was here.
“I love you, babe.”
Thank you for reading. ^~^♥