[FIC] Never again part 12
Title: Never Again
Parts: 12/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11.
The mornings had turned cold. It was quite apparent by the chill that settled on Yunho’s skin as it spread like a defiant thing. It curled into his pores and absorbed his warmth. He shuddered as it licked up his arms and weighed, like the changing season, of something inevitable.
As the rising sun stretched its golden fingers to line the treetops, he couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. He leaned against the balcony railing a little troubled as it certainly felt like something was lying in wait for him today, tomorrow, sometime eventual.
He was just considering staying home when the shrill ringing of the telephone beckoned him back into the apartment and signaled the official start of his day.
"How's grandma?" He asked, the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, while his hands busily prepared a quick breakfast.
"She's stable, but I think I'll stay here a little longer just in case." Changmin explained.
The sound of crunching reached his ears and he suddenly considered abandoning the fried eggs in favor of simple cereals and milk. He could never get a perfect sunny-side up anyways.
"Yeah, that’s a good idea. Let me know if anything else comes up. Tell her I said hi,"
"I will. Do you want me to say hi to your mom too?" His friend sounded amused.
"Sure. Unless she’s already there and is one second away from wrestling the phone from you, then I could do that myself." Yunho poked at the cooking eggs.
"As a matter of fact, she is. She kindly brought breakfast."
"She brought you cereals?" He got too greedy with the poking and the yoke broke. Damn.
"No, the cereals I bought on the way over here. She brought better things, making sure grandma is eating properly."
Yunho snickered. “Ah, grandma must be enjoying that.”
"Uh huh, you know how she loves the attention.”
Yunho left the eggs alone for a second and placed two slices of bread into the toaster.
"Shame on you for neglecting your grandmother, Changmin." He teased.
"Yeah, I know. I’m a complete and utter failure as a grandson,"
Yunho let the grin on his face fade into a resigned smile, "Alright, mom must be glaring at you by now for making her wait. Hand me to her."
“Roger that,”
Yunho shook his head and braced for impact.
"Yunhoyah, you should visit. Why didn’t you come with Changmin. We miss you. Work can’t be that interesting to keep you away from home for so long. Are you seeing someone new? I know you only stop calling when there’s someone else keeping your phone line busy. Well?"
Yunho rolled his eyes with patient affection. "Hi mom,"
“And?”
"And I missed you too. Sorry, I couldn’t visit. I had work." He scooped the eggs onto a clean plate and drummed his fingertips against the ceramic impatiently as he waited for the bread to finish toasting.
"Why not? I thought having that new larger office meant you can take off anytime you wanted?"
"But that doesn't mean I should, mom." He hoped she was proud of how responsible he sounded.
With another successive tap of his fingers, the bread finally popped out of the toaster. His stomach impatient, he quickly reached for the butter to spread over the still warm bread.
"It's been months since we've seen you, Yunhoyah. Is there really someone keeping you there?"
"Hmm, why would you to think that?"
“Because you’re avoiding my questions. And don’t even begin to think that that could save you. I could just as easily ask Changmin!”
“He’s not as easy as he looks, mom.” Yunho warned and they both knew it to be true.
He brought breakfast over to the balcony table and let the sound of morning traffic meld with his mother’s persistent questions. Maybe he should visit. It has been a while and he could use a change of scenery.
He was half-way through his meal when his mother’s inquiry abruptly forced him back into the one-sided conversation.
"Yunhoyah, that apartment, you know, the empty one on the second floor? I know you said you'd take care of it and the monthly rent is still coming in, but don't you think it's such a waste of space staying empty like that? We had someone come around last week and they were interested in the place. If it’s not being used at all, do you think you can speak with the tenant about it? I would have contacted them myself, but you never left a number in the files."
Yunho took a sip of coffee and gave the matter very little thought since that apartment was never far from his mind.
"The space is already taken, mom. Let them rent another one."
"And that's what you keep saying. It's just that,"
But at his silence, she let the matter drop, and quickly took up another.
"You know, SangHee was here last week. She asked about you."
At the sudden mention of that name, his grip on the phone tightened considerably. He gritted his teeth and tried to calm the quickly waking ache in his chest. He was silent for a few heartbeats, not knowing how to react. She eventually decided for him, by continuing as if he never paused uncomfortably.
"And well I couldn't tell her how you were, because how would I know? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! Oh, you should have seen her. She looked beautiful as always. Brought me a cake she had baked. Wasn’t that sweet of her? She’s gotten very good at baking cakes! You really should visit, Yunho. Maybe see how she’s doing."
Yunho hadn't bothered to tell his mother why his girlfriend of three years was suddenly not his girlfriend anymore, but now that his mother had taken on this path of thinking, maybe he should have. It would have saved him the heartache at least.
"Work has been busy lately, but I'll try to visit soon." He said in a hurry and hoped it was enough to satisfy her.
She sounded like she had a few more things to add, but he certainly didn’t want to be thinking about such things too early in the day. Trying vainly to think of something else, he tapped out a tune against the table's surface as his eyes chased the boundless horizon.
"I have to get ready for work now though."
"Oh? Already? Alright fine, fine, but call again. Be careful on your way to work and don’t forget to let me know when you’ll be visiting.”
"I will. Bye mom."
He stared at the phone long after he had ended the call. He tried to finish his meal, but after a couple of bites of the cold toast, Yunho found he had lost his appetite.
The heavy mood persisted at work. Not even a tower of paperwork that required his immediate attention proved a good enough distraction to pull him away from his thoughts. He reached for the cup of tea his secretary had prepared, feeling quite defeated.
SangHee.
It had been an impossible and futile thing to have tried to forget her. She had left her mark in his life, much like how time left sun-washed boards, rusting iron-gates, and stifling vines. In his house of memories, she would always be there, significant enough to cast a shadow and matter enough to summon some sort of feeling.
Though, he must admit he hasn’t thought of her in a while. It wasn’t really a matter of forgetting her and the pieces of him she had left in her wake though, rather, it was a matter of being distracted by something else, by someone else.
Yunho sat up, jolted by the rush of feelings that came with that thought. Without warning, someone else came along to keep him occupied long enough to give him space and time to collect himself. To numb the ache, dull the memories, and help him become one person again instead of just half of something.
It felt as if something had been unlatched inside him, but when he began to examine this feeling, in one breath, he lost his hold on it. It was gone, like grasping a thin trail of smoke.
He backtracked and tried to regain that errant thought.
There was an ache in his chest, something familiar, but elusive. In his searched, he stumbled upon a particular memory that seemed to be related to that ache. It was recent and yet it felt as if it had been from a long time ago.
Safe and alone in his office, he recited those silly words.
"The next person I fall in love with will not exist,"
He chuckled. The words sounded so weird and ridiculous coming from his sober lips.
“Arghghghgh!” Yunho slouched in his seat, embarrassed.
He blamed the alcohol for his unusual promise and then Changmin for not smacking him immediately unconscious before he could go on with his tirade.
Yunho covered his face with his hands and in the safety that place offered, he forced himself to think further about such a silly promise. His words had been so full of spite and resolve then. However, now they sounded… more careful, hesitant and yet maybe hopeful. To him, that quiet promise now felt like the sun warming his back or much like the soft give of piano keys beneath his fingertips right before a sweet melody.
Yunho let another chuckle escape. He had forgotten the rest of that promise. Maybe Changmin could fill him in. His friend had been the sober one at the time.
He sighed and reached for his tea once more. He nursed the cup between his hands just like how he nursed his heart between his pretend indifference and forgetfulness.
But, really, he wasn't ready to see her. He didn’t want to hear that she was happy or that she had been miserable and wanted him back. His heart still had a bit of bruising left and he wasn't ready for round two quite yet.
And then he thought of that empty apartment and its owner, and the stack of paperwork remained untouched.
“How’s Changmin-sshi?”
Yunho looked up from his plate and across the table to his unexpected lunch-mate.
“He’s fine.”
His brief answer caused the table to shake. “Stop that,”
“Oh, sorry.” And Junsu stuck his leg out of the table so it could shake freely without disturbing their meal.
“S’okay. Why do you ask?”
“Is he back yet?” It was hard to follow Junsu when his gaze was going all over the place. Junsu looked around them and then back at him and then beyond him and then down to their plates.
“No, I think he’ll be there longer.”
“Oh.”
Yunho observed the man sitting in front of him. There was something young about Junsu, but there was also something old, an ancient thing. In the few weeks he’d become acquainted with the actor, Yunho had decided that like Jaejoong, Junsu was a person not so easy to figure out. There was a constant shifting about him.
“You can call him, you know? He’d more than welcome the call. It gets boring around there pretty quickly.”
“I guess so. That is, I was going to ask how his grandmother was doing.”
Yunho was surprised that Junsu had remembered.
“Changmin told me she’s better, but that’s why he stayed a little longer, to make sure she remains well.”
Junsu nodded in understanding, looking a bit worried. “Ah, yeah, that makes sense.”
“Why don’t you come with me to visit? I’ve been planning to go down there. You and Jaejoong-sshi.”
Junsu looked taken aback by the invitation and Yunho felt just as surprised offering it.
“Umm, well, it was just a thought. I spoke to my mother this morning and she had mentioned Jaejoong-sshi’s apartment being empty and she thought and I thought too, that that was a waste, and since you wanted to see how Changmin had been doing…” He cut himself off before he started rambling. He was still reeling from his impromptu invitation.
“Jaejoong-hyung has an apartment?”
Oh, he hadn’t known, Yunho thought. “Yes, that’s where he stayed when Yoochun-sshi ern…” He bit his lip from saying anymore. It felt too much like blabbing a secret he was supposed to keep.
“Oh,” Junsu’s gaze wandered to his left again, at the direction of the entrance, as if waiting for someone to show up. “I always wondered about that…”
“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t know Jaejoong-sshi hadn’t told you.”
Junsu shook his head, “he probably just forgot,” and shrugged, a tender smile on his lips.
“He forgets things sometimes, like they’re not that important. Like the date and garbage days, and other outside stuff.”
Yunho felt like those last words hadn’t been meant to be said, so he shifted his gaze back to his food and tried to appear as if he hadn’t heard. It also stopped him from asking the same of Junsu, if he forgot things. Besides, they weren’t close enough for him to be able to ask that sort of question.
“If you were serious about it, I’ll ask Jaejoong-hyung.” Junsu seemed to have caught up with himself now and that far-off look had left his eyes.
“Yeah, I was serious about it. I had been planning to visit home anyways. Would be nice to have company for the drive over there,” He smiled encouragingly.
Junsu nodded and returned to his meal. A companionable hush fell over them, broken by quiet conversation now and again. After a few grudging meetings, Junsu seemed to have lessened the hostility he showed when around Yunho and started to genuinely make an effort to get to know him. Yunho hadn’t been looking for friendship. He had only wanted to help Jaejoong out. But the more he got to know Junsu, the more he thought less of it as a favor for a friend.
“I was just thinking about it this morning,” This time it was Jaejoong on the other end of the phone line and it was dinner Yunho tended to.
“Then it’s a good idea, right? We’ll drive up there and Junsu-sshi can see the sights.” Of what little there is to see in the small town. “And uh,” He stirred the sizzling mix of meat and vegetables. “I’m sorry I told Junsu-sshi about the apartment, I thought he knew.”
Jaejoong’s amused voice sounded crisp and near on the telephone, as if he was in the same kitchen as Yunho.
“It’s alright. I really forgot to tell him. He complained and harassed me about it until there wasn’t anything left to tell. I told him there were plastic cups and a mattress. That was it, nothing exciting.”
Yunho chuckled. “I’m glad I didn’t cause any trouble.” He apologized once more for good measure. “I’ll see you guys in two days then.” He promised as he placed the lid over the simmering pot.
“Yeah, two days. Enjoy your dinner, Yunho-sshi.”
After goodbyes were said, Yunho hung up and placed the phone well away from the mess threatening to eat his counter-space. With only a couple minutes more until his meal was cooked, he began to set the table only to realize he would be eating alone. He grabbed the nearest chair to him and sat down. The apartment was too quiet without the sound of Changmin’s game shows, movies, and video games.
To add to the silence were the ones he felt when he ended his calls with Jaejoong. The actor always had something to talk about, in the most interesting, lengthy and round-about way Yunho thought possible. He’d begun to see those stories as some sort of puzzle to work out, because they start simple enough, it’s the middle part that usually became a challenge to follow. As if he was being lead through an unknown forest with only Jaejoong’s hand holding his to keep him from being swallowed by the unfamiliar surroundings.
“…What?” Yunho blinked as his mind had yet again led him to a strange thought.
“That’s just…” before he could think anymore on the matter, the timer went off and dinner was ready.
“Two days, huh?”
Two days came quicker than Yunho had anticipated. In no time at all, the three of them had stored their luggage inside the trunk and were speeding along the familiar highways that led to his home town.
Yunho pulled and straightened his seatbelt yet again. The strip of fabric had been digging into his shoulder for the last hour and he was very close to just taking it off.
“Want me to take over?” Jaejoong offered from the passenger’s seat.
“Huh? Oh no, it’s okay.”
“Hey, there are three of us here. No need to do all the driving yourself.” Junsu piped in from the back.
“I thought you were sleeping?”
“You thought wrong.”
Yunho caught Junsu’s grin in the rearview mirror. He looked quite comfortable in the back, especially with the pillows he brought with him. “Well, don’t worry about it. I can still drive for another hour or two.”
“You sure?” Junsu raised a skeptical brow. “’cuz if you pulled at that seatbelt one more time, Jaejoong-hyung’s gonna rip you out of that seat before you could say ‘I’m sorry lord Junsu I should have listened to you!’”
That startled a laugh out of him. “Is that so?”
“That about sums it up.” Jaejoong guaranteed, his gaze leaving the passing scenery for a second to meet his.
Yunho was about to object again, when suddenly the thought of someone else driving didn’t sound so bad. Maybe he could borrow Junsu’s pillows. They looked very soft, especially when his back had been screaming at him ever since they passed that last exit.
Junsu sat up, his attention piqued by something in front of them. “Ooh, a rest area is coming up. We’ll trade spots there. I have to go pee anyways.”
Yunho snickered and opened his mouth, but Jaejoong beat him to it.
“You have to go pee?” Jaejoong snickered.
Junsu stared owlishly at them. “Yeah?”
“While you’re there, how about going pooh-pooh too?”
Yunho bit his lip and tried to keep quiet.
“Haha. You’re so funny. I may just ask you to change my diaper for me.”
“Yoochun might, after he had teased you to hell about it first, of course.”
Another name that caused Yunho to hold his breath.
Junsu snorted. “Yeah, the idiot would probably never shut up until I threaten to leave him by the side of the road somewhere.”
Jaejoong laughed infectiously and continued to tease Junsu in Yoochun’s place.
Relieved, Yunho was able to breathe again. He never knew what the mention of Yoochun’s name would bring, but it seemed today, it brought laughter.
He slowed down when the rest area drew near and was more than happy to throw the seatbelt off and step out of the car. The others followed shortly after.
Yunho stretched, rubbed at his sore shoulders and shook his legs, happy to be able to move them freely again.
Jaejoong walked around the car to join him while Junsu ran to the restroom.
“You okay?” Jaejoong asked, his arms raised above his head, fingers stretched to the skies.
“Yeah, it’s just been a while since I’ve driven this long.” He mimicked Jaejoong’s position, fingers curled and grasped at clouds.
Jaejoong nudged him lightly in the ribs. “That’s what we’re here for. And,” Jaejoong paused and looked to the direction Junsu had disappeared to.
“I also meant that you seemed uncomfortable whenever we mentioned Yoochun.”
At that observation, Yunho couldn’t help but be true to those words. “I…uh,”
“Sorry, it must be weird, huh? Yeah, I think I wouldn’t know what I would do too, if I was in your place.”
“No, well, it’s just…”
“We won’t be offended, you know, if you want to talk about him or join in. You can ask us things about him too, if you want. We…” Jaejoong looked down at the unpaved ground, wet from rain that must have passed not too long ago.
“We just miss him and even though it hurts to say his name, it hurts more not to say it.” Jaejoong confessed.
Yunho nodded, unnerved by the silence that seemed to have suddenly descended upon them. He couldn’t say he knew exactly how that felt, but he could imagine well enough. He looked at the dark head turned away from him and was suddenly curious to see if there were tears in those eyes or was there that familiar pain he saw when he had first met Jaejoong. However, when the other man turned to face him, he couldn’t tell at all, as he was too distracted by the soft smile he found.
Blinded, Yunho searched for words and latched onto the first thing that came to mind.
“Color!”
“Color?” Jaejoong blinked.
“His favorite color.” Yunho explained.
“Orange,” Junsu answered from behind them.
“Orange?”
“On Tuesdays,” Junsu grinned knowingly. “Purple on Saturdays.”
“That’s…interesting,”
“That’s Yoochun,” Jaejoong whispered fondly and the expression on Junsu’s face seemed to echo that remark.
Several more hours of driving and timely stops later found them entering the familiar gates of the apartment complex. Yunho spotted Changmin leaning against a pillar, a mug of something in one hand, and a smile on his lips. He wondered how long his friend had been waiting.
“Took you long enough,” Changmin said by way of greeting. His long legs carried him to where Yunho parked the car and soon he was shaking hands with Jaejoong and Junsu.
As they unloaded their luggage, Yunho watched Junsu look around curiously, taking in every detail the cover of night allowed. He walked up to him and showed the way to the office, reassuring him there will be more to see during daytime.
“Your parents tried to stay up, but gave in about an hour ago.” Changmin said from behind them.
Yunho looked up to the dark night sky and shuddered from the cold. As he had expected, the mornings would be much colder here. “Yeah, it’s pretty late. I guess we could just…” He stopped walking and turned toward Jaejoong.
Jaejoong retrieved his keys from a coat pocket. “I guess we’ll see you in the morning.” The actor understood and cocked his head in the direction of his two bedroom apartment.
Junsu looked at the two of them, unable to comprehend what Jaejoong had meant until the other man began to ascend the steps. He immediately understood, threw a hurried wave their way and followed Jaejoong.
“Goodnight Jaejoong-sshi…Junsu-sshii,” Yunho called out, already losing their forms in the darkness.
“We’ll see you in the morning!” Junsu returned.
Once the pair had entered Jaejoong’s apartment, he turned to Changmin, who had been watching him closely.
“The bulbs are out again,” Yunho noted.
“Don’t look at me. I’m not in charge of this place.” He smirked and then took a casual sip of his drink.
“Hm.” Yunho started to walk toward their earlier destination. Behind him he heard Changmin’s leisurely steps follow.
“Are they going to be alright? Last I recall Jaejoong-sshi only had a mattress and nothing else.”
“They brought things and Jaejoong-sshi said we could go to the grocery store tomorrow for food stuff.” He explained, as he pushed the office door open as quietly as he could.
“I see. Oh, don’t worry about being quiet, I even dropped a pan earlier and that didn’t wake them.”
“What were you doing with a pan?” He asked, voice low as he entered.
“Making pancakes.”
Yunho found the evidence all over the counter and soaking in the sink. “How were they?”
“Terrible. I hope Jaejoong-sshi could make me some tomorrow. Hey, Yunho-hyung,”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not against it or anything. I guess I’m just curious. Why are they here exactly?”
Yunho looked up from sorting the dishes. “I invited them.”
At Changmin’s silent question, he tried to find a better explanation. “It just happened.”
Changmin stepped closer and took the dirty cup he had in his grasp.
“I see.”
“What do you see?” Yunho frowned, having heard his friend say this several times in a curious tone within the short span of five minutes.
Changmin just shrugged. “Go to bed, hyung. I’ll take care of this.”
Yunho was too tired to figure Changmin out. Even wide awake, the man in front of him was still baffling. Exhausted, he just did as he was told.
In his bedroom, he pulled the covers closer to fight the coldness seeping into the room, and allowed the fatigue of the drive to lead him to sleep. Strangely enough, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come.
~TBC
Thank you for reading and for waiting so patiently. ^^/
Parts: 12/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11.
The mornings had turned cold. It was quite apparent by the chill that settled on Yunho’s skin as it spread like a defiant thing. It curled into his pores and absorbed his warmth. He shuddered as it licked up his arms and weighed, like the changing season, of something inevitable.
As the rising sun stretched its golden fingers to line the treetops, he couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. He leaned against the balcony railing a little troubled as it certainly felt like something was lying in wait for him today, tomorrow, sometime eventual.
He was just considering staying home when the shrill ringing of the telephone beckoned him back into the apartment and signaled the official start of his day.
"How's grandma?" He asked, the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, while his hands busily prepared a quick breakfast.
"She's stable, but I think I'll stay here a little longer just in case." Changmin explained.
The sound of crunching reached his ears and he suddenly considered abandoning the fried eggs in favor of simple cereals and milk. He could never get a perfect sunny-side up anyways.
"Yeah, that’s a good idea. Let me know if anything else comes up. Tell her I said hi,"
"I will. Do you want me to say hi to your mom too?" His friend sounded amused.
"Sure. Unless she’s already there and is one second away from wrestling the phone from you, then I could do that myself." Yunho poked at the cooking eggs.
"As a matter of fact, she is. She kindly brought breakfast."
"She brought you cereals?" He got too greedy with the poking and the yoke broke. Damn.
"No, the cereals I bought on the way over here. She brought better things, making sure grandma is eating properly."
Yunho snickered. “Ah, grandma must be enjoying that.”
"Uh huh, you know how she loves the attention.”
Yunho left the eggs alone for a second and placed two slices of bread into the toaster.
"Shame on you for neglecting your grandmother, Changmin." He teased.
"Yeah, I know. I’m a complete and utter failure as a grandson,"
Yunho let the grin on his face fade into a resigned smile, "Alright, mom must be glaring at you by now for making her wait. Hand me to her."
“Roger that,”
Yunho shook his head and braced for impact.
"Yunhoyah, you should visit. Why didn’t you come with Changmin. We miss you. Work can’t be that interesting to keep you away from home for so long. Are you seeing someone new? I know you only stop calling when there’s someone else keeping your phone line busy. Well?"
Yunho rolled his eyes with patient affection. "Hi mom,"
“And?”
"And I missed you too. Sorry, I couldn’t visit. I had work." He scooped the eggs onto a clean plate and drummed his fingertips against the ceramic impatiently as he waited for the bread to finish toasting.
"Why not? I thought having that new larger office meant you can take off anytime you wanted?"
"But that doesn't mean I should, mom." He hoped she was proud of how responsible he sounded.
With another successive tap of his fingers, the bread finally popped out of the toaster. His stomach impatient, he quickly reached for the butter to spread over the still warm bread.
"It's been months since we've seen you, Yunhoyah. Is there really someone keeping you there?"
"Hmm, why would you to think that?"
“Because you’re avoiding my questions. And don’t even begin to think that that could save you. I could just as easily ask Changmin!”
“He’s not as easy as he looks, mom.” Yunho warned and they both knew it to be true.
He brought breakfast over to the balcony table and let the sound of morning traffic meld with his mother’s persistent questions. Maybe he should visit. It has been a while and he could use a change of scenery.
He was half-way through his meal when his mother’s inquiry abruptly forced him back into the one-sided conversation.
"Yunhoyah, that apartment, you know, the empty one on the second floor? I know you said you'd take care of it and the monthly rent is still coming in, but don't you think it's such a waste of space staying empty like that? We had someone come around last week and they were interested in the place. If it’s not being used at all, do you think you can speak with the tenant about it? I would have contacted them myself, but you never left a number in the files."
Yunho took a sip of coffee and gave the matter very little thought since that apartment was never far from his mind.
"The space is already taken, mom. Let them rent another one."
"And that's what you keep saying. It's just that,"
But at his silence, she let the matter drop, and quickly took up another.
"You know, SangHee was here last week. She asked about you."
At the sudden mention of that name, his grip on the phone tightened considerably. He gritted his teeth and tried to calm the quickly waking ache in his chest. He was silent for a few heartbeats, not knowing how to react. She eventually decided for him, by continuing as if he never paused uncomfortably.
"And well I couldn't tell her how you were, because how would I know? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! Oh, you should have seen her. She looked beautiful as always. Brought me a cake she had baked. Wasn’t that sweet of her? She’s gotten very good at baking cakes! You really should visit, Yunho. Maybe see how she’s doing."
Yunho hadn't bothered to tell his mother why his girlfriend of three years was suddenly not his girlfriend anymore, but now that his mother had taken on this path of thinking, maybe he should have. It would have saved him the heartache at least.
"Work has been busy lately, but I'll try to visit soon." He said in a hurry and hoped it was enough to satisfy her.
She sounded like she had a few more things to add, but he certainly didn’t want to be thinking about such things too early in the day. Trying vainly to think of something else, he tapped out a tune against the table's surface as his eyes chased the boundless horizon.
"I have to get ready for work now though."
"Oh? Already? Alright fine, fine, but call again. Be careful on your way to work and don’t forget to let me know when you’ll be visiting.”
"I will. Bye mom."
He stared at the phone long after he had ended the call. He tried to finish his meal, but after a couple of bites of the cold toast, Yunho found he had lost his appetite.
The heavy mood persisted at work. Not even a tower of paperwork that required his immediate attention proved a good enough distraction to pull him away from his thoughts. He reached for the cup of tea his secretary had prepared, feeling quite defeated.
SangHee.
It had been an impossible and futile thing to have tried to forget her. She had left her mark in his life, much like how time left sun-washed boards, rusting iron-gates, and stifling vines. In his house of memories, she would always be there, significant enough to cast a shadow and matter enough to summon some sort of feeling.
Though, he must admit he hasn’t thought of her in a while. It wasn’t really a matter of forgetting her and the pieces of him she had left in her wake though, rather, it was a matter of being distracted by something else, by someone else.
Yunho sat up, jolted by the rush of feelings that came with that thought. Without warning, someone else came along to keep him occupied long enough to give him space and time to collect himself. To numb the ache, dull the memories, and help him become one person again instead of just half of something.
It felt as if something had been unlatched inside him, but when he began to examine this feeling, in one breath, he lost his hold on it. It was gone, like grasping a thin trail of smoke.
He backtracked and tried to regain that errant thought.
There was an ache in his chest, something familiar, but elusive. In his searched, he stumbled upon a particular memory that seemed to be related to that ache. It was recent and yet it felt as if it had been from a long time ago.
Safe and alone in his office, he recited those silly words.
"The next person I fall in love with will not exist,"
He chuckled. The words sounded so weird and ridiculous coming from his sober lips.
“Arghghghgh!” Yunho slouched in his seat, embarrassed.
He blamed the alcohol for his unusual promise and then Changmin for not smacking him immediately unconscious before he could go on with his tirade.
Yunho covered his face with his hands and in the safety that place offered, he forced himself to think further about such a silly promise. His words had been so full of spite and resolve then. However, now they sounded… more careful, hesitant and yet maybe hopeful. To him, that quiet promise now felt like the sun warming his back or much like the soft give of piano keys beneath his fingertips right before a sweet melody.
Yunho let another chuckle escape. He had forgotten the rest of that promise. Maybe Changmin could fill him in. His friend had been the sober one at the time.
He sighed and reached for his tea once more. He nursed the cup between his hands just like how he nursed his heart between his pretend indifference and forgetfulness.
But, really, he wasn't ready to see her. He didn’t want to hear that she was happy or that she had been miserable and wanted him back. His heart still had a bit of bruising left and he wasn't ready for round two quite yet.
And then he thought of that empty apartment and its owner, and the stack of paperwork remained untouched.
“How’s Changmin-sshi?”
Yunho looked up from his plate and across the table to his unexpected lunch-mate.
“He’s fine.”
His brief answer caused the table to shake. “Stop that,”
“Oh, sorry.” And Junsu stuck his leg out of the table so it could shake freely without disturbing their meal.
“S’okay. Why do you ask?”
“Is he back yet?” It was hard to follow Junsu when his gaze was going all over the place. Junsu looked around them and then back at him and then beyond him and then down to their plates.
“No, I think he’ll be there longer.”
“Oh.”
Yunho observed the man sitting in front of him. There was something young about Junsu, but there was also something old, an ancient thing. In the few weeks he’d become acquainted with the actor, Yunho had decided that like Jaejoong, Junsu was a person not so easy to figure out. There was a constant shifting about him.
“You can call him, you know? He’d more than welcome the call. It gets boring around there pretty quickly.”
“I guess so. That is, I was going to ask how his grandmother was doing.”
Yunho was surprised that Junsu had remembered.
“Changmin told me she’s better, but that’s why he stayed a little longer, to make sure she remains well.”
Junsu nodded in understanding, looking a bit worried. “Ah, yeah, that makes sense.”
“Why don’t you come with me to visit? I’ve been planning to go down there. You and Jaejoong-sshi.”
Junsu looked taken aback by the invitation and Yunho felt just as surprised offering it.
“Umm, well, it was just a thought. I spoke to my mother this morning and she had mentioned Jaejoong-sshi’s apartment being empty and she thought and I thought too, that that was a waste, and since you wanted to see how Changmin had been doing…” He cut himself off before he started rambling. He was still reeling from his impromptu invitation.
“Jaejoong-hyung has an apartment?”
Oh, he hadn’t known, Yunho thought. “Yes, that’s where he stayed when Yoochun-sshi ern…” He bit his lip from saying anymore. It felt too much like blabbing a secret he was supposed to keep.
“Oh,” Junsu’s gaze wandered to his left again, at the direction of the entrance, as if waiting for someone to show up. “I always wondered about that…”
“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t know Jaejoong-sshi hadn’t told you.”
Junsu shook his head, “he probably just forgot,” and shrugged, a tender smile on his lips.
“He forgets things sometimes, like they’re not that important. Like the date and garbage days, and other outside stuff.”
Yunho felt like those last words hadn’t been meant to be said, so he shifted his gaze back to his food and tried to appear as if he hadn’t heard. It also stopped him from asking the same of Junsu, if he forgot things. Besides, they weren’t close enough for him to be able to ask that sort of question.
“If you were serious about it, I’ll ask Jaejoong-hyung.” Junsu seemed to have caught up with himself now and that far-off look had left his eyes.
“Yeah, I was serious about it. I had been planning to visit home anyways. Would be nice to have company for the drive over there,” He smiled encouragingly.
Junsu nodded and returned to his meal. A companionable hush fell over them, broken by quiet conversation now and again. After a few grudging meetings, Junsu seemed to have lessened the hostility he showed when around Yunho and started to genuinely make an effort to get to know him. Yunho hadn’t been looking for friendship. He had only wanted to help Jaejoong out. But the more he got to know Junsu, the more he thought less of it as a favor for a friend.
“I was just thinking about it this morning,” This time it was Jaejoong on the other end of the phone line and it was dinner Yunho tended to.
“Then it’s a good idea, right? We’ll drive up there and Junsu-sshi can see the sights.” Of what little there is to see in the small town. “And uh,” He stirred the sizzling mix of meat and vegetables. “I’m sorry I told Junsu-sshi about the apartment, I thought he knew.”
Jaejoong’s amused voice sounded crisp and near on the telephone, as if he was in the same kitchen as Yunho.
“It’s alright. I really forgot to tell him. He complained and harassed me about it until there wasn’t anything left to tell. I told him there were plastic cups and a mattress. That was it, nothing exciting.”
Yunho chuckled. “I’m glad I didn’t cause any trouble.” He apologized once more for good measure. “I’ll see you guys in two days then.” He promised as he placed the lid over the simmering pot.
“Yeah, two days. Enjoy your dinner, Yunho-sshi.”
After goodbyes were said, Yunho hung up and placed the phone well away from the mess threatening to eat his counter-space. With only a couple minutes more until his meal was cooked, he began to set the table only to realize he would be eating alone. He grabbed the nearest chair to him and sat down. The apartment was too quiet without the sound of Changmin’s game shows, movies, and video games.
To add to the silence were the ones he felt when he ended his calls with Jaejoong. The actor always had something to talk about, in the most interesting, lengthy and round-about way Yunho thought possible. He’d begun to see those stories as some sort of puzzle to work out, because they start simple enough, it’s the middle part that usually became a challenge to follow. As if he was being lead through an unknown forest with only Jaejoong’s hand holding his to keep him from being swallowed by the unfamiliar surroundings.
“…What?” Yunho blinked as his mind had yet again led him to a strange thought.
“That’s just…” before he could think anymore on the matter, the timer went off and dinner was ready.
“Two days, huh?”
Two days came quicker than Yunho had anticipated. In no time at all, the three of them had stored their luggage inside the trunk and were speeding along the familiar highways that led to his home town.
Yunho pulled and straightened his seatbelt yet again. The strip of fabric had been digging into his shoulder for the last hour and he was very close to just taking it off.
“Want me to take over?” Jaejoong offered from the passenger’s seat.
“Huh? Oh no, it’s okay.”
“Hey, there are three of us here. No need to do all the driving yourself.” Junsu piped in from the back.
“I thought you were sleeping?”
“You thought wrong.”
Yunho caught Junsu’s grin in the rearview mirror. He looked quite comfortable in the back, especially with the pillows he brought with him. “Well, don’t worry about it. I can still drive for another hour or two.”
“You sure?” Junsu raised a skeptical brow. “’cuz if you pulled at that seatbelt one more time, Jaejoong-hyung’s gonna rip you out of that seat before you could say ‘I’m sorry lord Junsu I should have listened to you!’”
That startled a laugh out of him. “Is that so?”
“That about sums it up.” Jaejoong guaranteed, his gaze leaving the passing scenery for a second to meet his.
Yunho was about to object again, when suddenly the thought of someone else driving didn’t sound so bad. Maybe he could borrow Junsu’s pillows. They looked very soft, especially when his back had been screaming at him ever since they passed that last exit.
Junsu sat up, his attention piqued by something in front of them. “Ooh, a rest area is coming up. We’ll trade spots there. I have to go pee anyways.”
Yunho snickered and opened his mouth, but Jaejoong beat him to it.
“You have to go pee?” Jaejoong snickered.
Junsu stared owlishly at them. “Yeah?”
“While you’re there, how about going pooh-pooh too?”
Yunho bit his lip and tried to keep quiet.
“Haha. You’re so funny. I may just ask you to change my diaper for me.”
“Yoochun might, after he had teased you to hell about it first, of course.”
Another name that caused Yunho to hold his breath.
Junsu snorted. “Yeah, the idiot would probably never shut up until I threaten to leave him by the side of the road somewhere.”
Jaejoong laughed infectiously and continued to tease Junsu in Yoochun’s place.
Relieved, Yunho was able to breathe again. He never knew what the mention of Yoochun’s name would bring, but it seemed today, it brought laughter.
He slowed down when the rest area drew near and was more than happy to throw the seatbelt off and step out of the car. The others followed shortly after.
Yunho stretched, rubbed at his sore shoulders and shook his legs, happy to be able to move them freely again.
Jaejoong walked around the car to join him while Junsu ran to the restroom.
“You okay?” Jaejoong asked, his arms raised above his head, fingers stretched to the skies.
“Yeah, it’s just been a while since I’ve driven this long.” He mimicked Jaejoong’s position, fingers curled and grasped at clouds.
Jaejoong nudged him lightly in the ribs. “That’s what we’re here for. And,” Jaejoong paused and looked to the direction Junsu had disappeared to.
“I also meant that you seemed uncomfortable whenever we mentioned Yoochun.”
At that observation, Yunho couldn’t help but be true to those words. “I…uh,”
“Sorry, it must be weird, huh? Yeah, I think I wouldn’t know what I would do too, if I was in your place.”
“No, well, it’s just…”
“We won’t be offended, you know, if you want to talk about him or join in. You can ask us things about him too, if you want. We…” Jaejoong looked down at the unpaved ground, wet from rain that must have passed not too long ago.
“We just miss him and even though it hurts to say his name, it hurts more not to say it.” Jaejoong confessed.
Yunho nodded, unnerved by the silence that seemed to have suddenly descended upon them. He couldn’t say he knew exactly how that felt, but he could imagine well enough. He looked at the dark head turned away from him and was suddenly curious to see if there were tears in those eyes or was there that familiar pain he saw when he had first met Jaejoong. However, when the other man turned to face him, he couldn’t tell at all, as he was too distracted by the soft smile he found.
Blinded, Yunho searched for words and latched onto the first thing that came to mind.
“Color!”
“Color?” Jaejoong blinked.
“His favorite color.” Yunho explained.
“Orange,” Junsu answered from behind them.
“Orange?”
“On Tuesdays,” Junsu grinned knowingly. “Purple on Saturdays.”
“That’s…interesting,”
“That’s Yoochun,” Jaejoong whispered fondly and the expression on Junsu’s face seemed to echo that remark.
Several more hours of driving and timely stops later found them entering the familiar gates of the apartment complex. Yunho spotted Changmin leaning against a pillar, a mug of something in one hand, and a smile on his lips. He wondered how long his friend had been waiting.
“Took you long enough,” Changmin said by way of greeting. His long legs carried him to where Yunho parked the car and soon he was shaking hands with Jaejoong and Junsu.
As they unloaded their luggage, Yunho watched Junsu look around curiously, taking in every detail the cover of night allowed. He walked up to him and showed the way to the office, reassuring him there will be more to see during daytime.
“Your parents tried to stay up, but gave in about an hour ago.” Changmin said from behind them.
Yunho looked up to the dark night sky and shuddered from the cold. As he had expected, the mornings would be much colder here. “Yeah, it’s pretty late. I guess we could just…” He stopped walking and turned toward Jaejoong.
Jaejoong retrieved his keys from a coat pocket. “I guess we’ll see you in the morning.” The actor understood and cocked his head in the direction of his two bedroom apartment.
Junsu looked at the two of them, unable to comprehend what Jaejoong had meant until the other man began to ascend the steps. He immediately understood, threw a hurried wave their way and followed Jaejoong.
“Goodnight Jaejoong-sshi…Junsu-sshii,” Yunho called out, already losing their forms in the darkness.
“We’ll see you in the morning!” Junsu returned.
Once the pair had entered Jaejoong’s apartment, he turned to Changmin, who had been watching him closely.
“The bulbs are out again,” Yunho noted.
“Don’t look at me. I’m not in charge of this place.” He smirked and then took a casual sip of his drink.
“Hm.” Yunho started to walk toward their earlier destination. Behind him he heard Changmin’s leisurely steps follow.
“Are they going to be alright? Last I recall Jaejoong-sshi only had a mattress and nothing else.”
“They brought things and Jaejoong-sshi said we could go to the grocery store tomorrow for food stuff.” He explained, as he pushed the office door open as quietly as he could.
“I see. Oh, don’t worry about being quiet, I even dropped a pan earlier and that didn’t wake them.”
“What were you doing with a pan?” He asked, voice low as he entered.
“Making pancakes.”
Yunho found the evidence all over the counter and soaking in the sink. “How were they?”
“Terrible. I hope Jaejoong-sshi could make me some tomorrow. Hey, Yunho-hyung,”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not against it or anything. I guess I’m just curious. Why are they here exactly?”
Yunho looked up from sorting the dishes. “I invited them.”
At Changmin’s silent question, he tried to find a better explanation. “It just happened.”
Changmin stepped closer and took the dirty cup he had in his grasp.
“I see.”
“What do you see?” Yunho frowned, having heard his friend say this several times in a curious tone within the short span of five minutes.
Changmin just shrugged. “Go to bed, hyung. I’ll take care of this.”
Yunho was too tired to figure Changmin out. Even wide awake, the man in front of him was still baffling. Exhausted, he just did as he was told.
In his bedroom, he pulled the covers closer to fight the coldness seeping into the room, and allowed the fatigue of the drive to lead him to sleep. Strangely enough, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come.
~TBC
Thank you for reading and for waiting so patiently. ^^/