FIC: Push/Pull, Yagyuu/Niou, NC17 (10/14)
Title: Push/Pull (10/14)
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
The hotel receptionist gives Yagyuu a strange look. His body is fuzzy with wine. His muscles are flush from the day. Niou leans on Yagyuu. He's had a silly smirky on most of the night. His breasts are hot. Yagyuu shivers. His dick throbs.
All day, Yagyuu has thought of nothing but peeling Niou's dress from his body. He wants to lay Niou out on that dress and fuck him. He wants Niou to beg and whimper and come all over the satin folds.
Yagyuu pulls at his collar. It's too tight. His skin's on fire. He takes the two sets of keys and a small hand.
The rooms are on floor eight. Niou's dress nearly gets stuck in the elevator door; Yagyuu kicks it out of the way.
It's hard to juggle five, half-sleeping children between the two of them. Niou takes the skirt of his dress off. Yagyuu's eyes nearly pop out of his head as Niou wanders between the two rooms in a satin bodice and a thong. His legs look long in the nylons. The lace garters make Yagyuu's mouth dry. He forgets about Haruka's pajamas.
Niou raises his eyebrows. He nods to the children. Well?
Yagyuu works on the next kid. They tuck two into the left bed, and the twins into the right. Hiroki whimpers. He reaches into the air for nothing. Niou has his back turned as he shuts the curtains. His left buttcheck flexes.
Yagyuu undoes his tie all the way. Sweat drips down his face. His hands shake on the handle of the door. His balls are going to shrivel up soon-or explode.
The baby is the last; Niou tucks her into the crib.
He turns around and walks into their hotel room.
Yagyuu locks the door.
He takes his glasses off. His vision blurs. Yagyuu pushes Niou onto the bed. Under his body, the silk crinkles. Niou says, "Wait a sec."
Yagyuu doesn't.
He pries at Niou's bodice. The hooks on the back snap. They bounce off the walls. One shoots into Yagyuu's arm. The sensation is as electric as the Niou's hissing.
Yagyuu swallows. His body is numb. He kisses Niou's neck. His hands fumble with Niou's bra. Niou's breasts jiggle. His nipples are engorged and dark in the lamplight. Yagyuu groans.
Niou unzips Yagyuu's pants. His breath catches. Yagyuu sucks a breath in. Niou's fingers skitter over his cock. His body shivers and he grabs the sheets. "Masaharu," Yagyuu says. He mutters Niou's name over and over. He licks it into Niou's skin. He bites his ownership.
You are mine
Yagyuu is naked. He's been waiting all day to have Niou's hands on his ass and his back. His body stiffens at the sight of Niou, supine on the bed with heavy-lidded eyes. Yagyuu grinds his teeth. Not yet. He can't think like this. Every pulse of his body throbs through his dick. His balls shrivel up back into his body. Every muscle strains.
There is wetness against his thigh. Yagyuu brushes his cheek on Niou's knee. He breathes in the muskiness of Niou's cunt. He licks the satin thong. It catches on his teeth. Yagyuu tries to take Niou's garter and nylons off with his teeth.
It doesn't work.
Niou starts to laugh.
"No!" Yagyuu seethes. He curls his lip up. He shoves Niou down into the pillows. Niou's eyes are huge and afraid. Yagyuu's heart slams into his lungs. His dick does, too. He pants and digs his nails into Niou's arms.
Niou whimpers.
The thong rips.
Niou wraps his legs around Yagyuu's head. The lace garters catch on Yagyuu's ears. He bucks and moans and melts into Yagyuu's tongue.
It's been too long.
Niou comes on Yagyuu's mouth. Yagyuu comes on Niou's dress.
And the night has just begun.
***
Some time in the hazy pre-dawn, Yagyuu cannot move any more.
Niou whines that he cannot take it any more. "My pussy hurts," he says. His voice is a broken mewl. His body is covered in bruises and love bites, claw marks and half-moon prints from eager fingernails.
Yagyuu's dick is so oversensitized he can't feel it at all. The sheets draped over his body make it ache. He says nothing and curls into Niou's body.
"You're mine," Yagyuu says.
Hands brush Yagyuu's balls. He nearly breaks into a sob. Niou smiles against the pillow as he looks at Yagyuu, then reaches over to turn out the lamp.
Niou says, "Your balls are mine."
***
He dreams that everyone lives in his small apartment. The ceiling still leaks. The toilet is clogged. Yagyuu sniffs. He can smell the stink of someone else's gas. It makes him frown. Hiromi pushes Yagyuu's right side. Four other children push Yagyuu's left side. He trips. He falls.
He wakes up.
Yagyuu cracks an eye open. Last night-this morning-he forgot to close the curtains. Mauve clouds roll over a pink and amber canvas of dawn. The colours bleed into each other. Yagyuu reaches over for his glasses.
And he falls out of bed.
Yagyuu reaches over the mattress to pull himself up. A whimper escapes his lips. His dick is on fire. He can't stop thinking about it.
Niou is sprawled across the middle of the bed. There are three, or maybe four other lumps curled up around him. Yagyuu's tiny corner of the bed is appropriated by Hiromi's sleeping body.
Yagyuu blinks.
The door between the hotel rooms is wide open. He can hear a baby gurgling in the other room.
Yagyuu pulls on his tux pants, and then he goes over to say good morning to Haruka.
***
His dream comes true.
Niou and all their children move into Yagyuu's apartment. So do all of the wedding gifts. Niou uses the red envelopes of money to buy futons for them. He also comes home with a mega-ultra water bazooka. It is a metre high and sits on top of Yagyuu's desk.
Yagyuu frowns. The twins sit on his table. Hiromi plays with the remote for the small tv pushed into the corner of the desk behind the bazooka.
Niou opens the bathroom door. It smacks Yagyuu in the side. Yagyuu says ouch. Niou doesn't apologize. He looks at the bag of groceries in Yagyuu's hand.
"Supper?" he asks.
"No," Yagyuu says. "My lunch for tomorrow."
"Well, what are we gonna eat for supper?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu does not ask What did you make us?
Instead, he offers, "Royal Host?"
***
The wedding money lasts three weeks, and one rent payment.
Yagyuu uses the last of it to buy Niou a cooking magazine.
Haruka eats half of it.
The rest, Niou folds into paper airplanes.
"Yagyuu," he says, "I can't fucking cook at all."
***
The paperwork comes in the mail.
It sits in the mail box in the lobby of the apartment building. Yagyuu has given Niou the combo seven times. Niou has ignored him eight times more.
Yagyuu sighs. A scooter rushes past on the street. It crunches over solitary PET bottles. Yagyuu winces at the sound that echos in the caverns between apartment blocks.
His stomach growls in the elevator. The seminar ran late. Yagyuu wonders if Niou got his message or not. He sniffs the hallway, but there is nothing but damp cement and the fluoride that follows Yagyuu home from university every day.
The door opens into a pile of toddler-sized sneakers. Yagyuu steps inside. Hiroki looks up at him. He's in the middle of arranging shoes and Hiromi's red knapsack. "Hi Daddy," he says.
"Hi," Yagyuu says.
Niou says, "Hey, babe." He has a pink apron with frills. Yagyuu fixes his glasses, but his sight isn't going.
"I bought eel," Niou says. Yagyuu sets his bag down. Five children are crowded into the single room. They stare up at Yagyuu from the table.
There is eel on a Styrofoam plate.
And the rice cooker spits in the corner, all over onto the old tatami floor.
And there is salad in a large plastic mixing bowl.
Masako beams when Niou offers Yagyuu salad. Yagyuu nearly falls over. Hiromi moves over and says, "You can sit beside me, Daddy."
"You cooked," Yagyuu says.
Niou bats his lashes once or twice. His cheeks are flushed, but the balcony door is also open to the sticky summer night.
"We stole the salad-"
Niou clamps a hand over Masako's mouth. "For you, Yagyuu," he says. "Isn't this what a wife's supposed to do?"
There's no mayo for the salad; Yagyuu eats it anyway. He says nothing. Niou smiles at Yagyuu. He nods to the papers. After supper, when the water runs in the bath tub, Niou stands on the balcony with Yagyuu. Their laundry hangs still in the stagnant night. Niou leans on the railing. The old A/C unit rattles beside Yagyuu.
Yagyuu looks over the tops of lower apartment blocks toward the river. City lights gleam on the glassy river. Lorries roll over the bridges. Nearby, someone is frying fish. Yagyuu murmurs, "When you sign, they'll be legally mine."
"And me?" Niou asks. He raises his eyebrow. Sweat dribbles along the sides of his face. Niou's cheeks look rounder than they did in spring.
Yagyuu's insides are hot and mercurious. He presses Niou to the side of the building, just out of sight of the curtains drawn across the balcony door.
"Not here," Niou whispers. His lips brush Yagyuu's. Yagyuu groans. He spreads his hand across Niou's thigh. He pushes the apron up. His fingers dance on the inside hem of Niou's shorts-he doesn't put up much of a struggle.
Niou's skin is clammy and warm.
His cunt is even warmer when Yagyuu pushes his fingers up inside.
***
Six futons and a foldaway crib take up the entirety of Yagyuu's apartment.
Each night, Yagyuu eyes the futon next to Niou's.
He goes into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth. He washes his face. He takes one final piss and walks out into the dark room. Yagyuu is careful to step over the small lumps.
The futon next to Niou is occupied.
Yagyuu's erection sags a little.
He whispers Niou's name. Gleaming eyes watch Yagyuu in the semi-black. "Please," Yagyuu asks.
The corner of Niou's futon lifts up.
Yagyuu slips under it. He groans when he slips inside Niou. The futon cover rustles. A child sighs with sleepy heaviness. Niou's skin slaps against Yagyuu as they move together.
Yagyuu finishes, then he rolls over onto his corner of Niou's futon.
In the morning, he's always pushed onto the floor.
***
Yagyuu has no room to study at home.
His desk is colonized by toys and new water guns. A dart board is tacked to the wall above the microwave, which sits on top of the shelf. Yagyuu's clothes are dyed pink by Niou's laundry attempts. His white socks take on a grey colour. Yagyuu peels them out of his trousers, which are never ironed anymore.
Niou tries.
Yagyuu tries to be appreciative.
One last red envelope comes in the mail, several months later. Yagyuu recognizes the loopy printing. Lately, it's taken on a shakiness that only gets worse. Yagyuu can't remember the last time he visited his grandmother in the hospital. Guilt burns his chest.
Yayguu brings the puppy home in a crate.
Niou takes one look at it as the puppy stands in the middle of the apartment, circled by children and shaking. It pees. Niou narrows his eyes.
"Puri," Niou says.
"Isn't Ryuu a nice name for him?" Yagyuu asks. He waits. Girls on the train cooed over the puppy in the carrier. Pretty OLs on the bus gushed and asked Yagyuu what the puppy's name was.
Niou asks, "What the hell am I supposed to do with that, Yagyuu?"
***
The puppy crawls under the futon with Niou.
Yagyuu lays in the dark. He exhales. Hiroshi Jr kicks sleepy limbs into Yagyuu's knee.
Soft, muffled laughter hangs in the apartment. Yagyuu holds a breath.
"…you smell good," Niou whispers. "Here, stay still, yes…Ryuu-chan…"
Yagyuu exhales again.
The alarm goes off at five, just so that Yagyuu can walk the dog.
***
Except for the hours between midnight and five-coincidentally when the trains have stopped running-Yagyuu lives at the library.
He camps out in a desk cubby on the second floor. He tacks up a picture of Niou. Between fits of studying for biology and radiology, practical dentistry and how to perform a root canal, Niou smirks at Yagyuu.
Yagyuu masturbates in the toilets on the top floor. They are empty and Yagyuu makes sure to flush the toilet twice after he's finished.
Niou does not ask about Yagyuu's exams. He's already asleep when Yagyuu crawls home.
Yagyuu shuffles across the apartment. He eats a lukewarm cup noodle. It tastes like paste. He collapses onto the first empty futon he finds (usually closest to the door for easier dog-walking at dawn). The apartment smells like fried chicken. Yagyuu dreams about Familymart. Niou is always there.
His exams finish the second week of August.
Yagyuu goes out to an izakaya with classmates. They drink until the exams are a faded, slurry memory. Two guys pass out over the table. Yagyuu staggers onto the streets. It takes three attempts on the bus to get home.
When he wakes up and the sunlight burns his skull, Niou sits on the floor between the apartment door and the main room. He licks his fingers, then reaches into a bucket of fried chicken again. Ryuu sits by Niou, placid; he licks at the chicken skin around his lips.
Yagyuu heaves into the tiny trash bin.
"I'm pregnant again," Niou says.
Yagyuu heaves again.
***
They have no income, except for what Niou makes when he thinks Yagyuu doesn't know he spends his afternoons playing pachinko, or billiards with Marui's coworkers.
It will be another year and a half before Yagyuu graduates. It could be another year and a half more before Yagyuu has a job.
They have another baby coming.
Inside, Yagyuu wants to be sick. His throat is too tight to breathe.
He doesn't know what to do, so he calls Kirihara.
***
On the fourth pulse, Kirihara picks up.
Yagyuu forgets what to say.
Kirihara says, "Hey, senpai."
"You're there, Kirihara-kun."
"Yeah, just got back from New York. Hey you wanna come to my wedding? It's gonna be in January, probably."
"Ah….yes…mn."
"Senpai?"
"Hn?"
"You okay?"
"Yagyuu-senpai?"
"Niou-kun is expecting again," Yagyuu whispers. The words are thick. They catch on Yagyuu's tongue. He leans against the wall. The sun doesn't blind him on this side of the Familymart on building. The smell of fried chicken and air conditioner coolant makes Yagyuu's vision swim.
"Uh…congrats, senpai? Yanagi-senpai is pregnant too, you know. He said we can have a shotgun wedding. I bet Niou-senpai wants to come to that. He can bring his water guns." Kirihara snickers.
Yagyuu is silent.
"Senpai?"
"Kirihara-kun, do you think it would be easier on Niou-kun if I were to be working?"
"What do you mean?"
"I think I will drop out of university when the summer holiday is done."
This is the first time Yagyuu has allowed himself to think these words. His pulse presses between his ribs. It hurts.
"You can't do that, senpai!"
"Senpai?"
"OI! Senpai, are you still there?"
"…yes, Kirihara-kun."
"Okay, are you at your place right now?"
"I will be. Niou-kun wanted more chicken."
"Can you still be there in an hour or something?"
***
A blue Honda drives up along the apartment lobby.
It parks in the middle of the street.
Yagyuu is walking. The plastic bag with the box of fried chicken hangs heavy in his hand.
Kirihara leans against his car. He waves. When Yagyuu gets closer, Kirihara's smile fizzles.
Kirihara holds out a stack of yen.
Yagyuu shakes his head.
Kirihara says you better, senpai, I went all the way to the post office for this, you're gonna fucking take it.
Yagyuu keeps shaking his head.
Kirihara stuffs the bills into the plastic bag. Before Yagyuu can protest, the blue Honda revs and rushes down the street. Garbage stirs and rustles against the communal trash bin. A popsicle wrapper drifts against Yagyuu's sneaker.
He opens the plastic bag and looks down.
Yagyuu sinks to the pavement.
He bows against the hot tarmack, but Kirihara is long gone.
***
Niou stays home and eats.
Yagyuu walks the dog, and then he goes to classes. He walks through Yoyogi Park when he has a long break between lectures. It isn't worth going home. Yagyuu doesn't want to go home. The apartment stifles with children, the smell of fried chicken and dog.
There are hundreds of leaf hunters out. Yagyuu looks up at the scarlet maples. Leaves flutter to the ground. They catch on Yagyuu's shoulders. He brushes them off. Two more takes its place. The world is a canvas of deep colours here.
Yagyuu comes home at half-past eight.
The futons have been pulled out, but Niou is awake. The dog sits by Niou's feet. Niou strokes its ears until Yagyuu approaches. Niou shoves the dog away. He looks at Yagyuu.
"Good day?" he asks.
Yagyuu says it was all right.
Niou doesn't say anything more. His shoulders droop more by the day. Despite the growl in his stomach, Yagyuu waits. He rubs Niou's shoulders, then he slides his hands down to the small of Niou's back. Niou sighs into the touch. Yagyuu's cock swells. He keeps rubbing Niou's skin through his skirt. Niou cracks his spine. He rubs his belly.
"Wanna go out?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu blinks. There are sleeping children right beyond the kitchen. Niou has already started to pull on a pair of crocs.
There's nowhere to be inside the apartment. Turning on the tv would wake someone up. Using the microwave would push Niou into the bathroom.
Yagyuu checks the lock twice, just in case. There is an uneasiness settling in his belly. Niou, though, just breathes deep in the dark, city air. His eyes glow in the reflected traffic of cars coming home, or flashing dump trucks.
"I'm hungry," Niou says.
They eat at a ramen shop. Yagyuu can't remember the last time they did this together-maybe it was high school. It feels like forever. Niou squeezing into a tiny table booth with Yagyuu. His belly presses tight against the table. Yagyuu's knee brushes Niou's.
Niou finishes his ramen first. Yagyuu isn't far behind. Niou belches. Yagyuu wipes his mouth with a paper napkin.
Niou's hand is cold when Yagyuu reaches for it. Instead of taking the main road back toward the apartment building, Niou pulls the opposite direction. At this time of night, the pathway along the canal is lonely. Yagyuu squeezes Niou's hand tighter. Niou starts to turn to Yagyuu. Half-way, he stops.
"Let's walk to the beach," Niou says.
So they walk to the beach. Yagyuu doesn't check his watch. The moon hangs in the sky, touching rooftops with silver fingers. Niou's hair burns pearly-white. The slightest wind touches their naked hands. Yagyuu steps closer to Niou. He can taste the salt in the air long before he sees the water.
By day, this beach must be grubby and polluted with seagulls and teenagers. At night, there is an endless stretch of sand and two of them. There is a driftwood log that has floated ashore over smooth, grey rocks. The rocks slip under their feet. Yagyuu holds his arm out for Niou.
Niou takes it.
The waves roll in with cold regularity. The water rushes up, but it never reaches them. Yagyuu slides his arm over Niou's shoulders. He watches Niou's face. For once, Niou is still. His lips part. Yagyuu leans in. Niou speaks before Yagyuu has a chance to kiss him.
"Yagyuu, I…"
Yagyuu hums.
Niou shakes his head.
"Nevermind," Niou mutters.
Yagyuu forgets Niou said anything when Niou cocks his head to the side and lets Yagyuu lick his neck.
***
On the first day of winter, Niou goes into labour.
The puddles on the sides of the roads have a frozen film over their tops. Yagyuu's ears are numb at the top. His glasses are cold and foreign on his face.
He doesn't have time to think about these things.
He holds Niou up in the elevator of the apartment. "I'll call a cab," Yagyuu says.
"Fuck it, they'll never find the apartment building," Niou says. He pants. He puffs. He's red faced and Yagyuu isn't going to argue with him in this state.
So they take the train. The very first commuters yawn on the platform. Niou presses a palm to a painted steel pillar. He seethes through his teeth. "I fucking hate you, Yagyuu!"
Yagyuu apologizes.
Niou grabs Yagyuu's arm. The train rolls up to the platform. It drowns out the broken mewl Yagyuu makes. Niou's fingernails dig into his forearm. "When I am done," Niou says. They stagger onto the train. The other passengers do their best to ignore Niou.
"When I am done," Niou repeats, "I am going to slice off your balls."
Yagyuu winces.
***
"Do you still feel the same way?" Yagyuu asks.
It's a lame joke.
Niou looks up at Yagyuu. His arms cradle a bundle of squirming limbs and confused slate eyes that take in everything new in the world, and nothing.
"Puri," Niou says.
"What should we call him?" Yagyuu asks. "Masa…?"
Niou shrugs. "I'm outta ideas."
Yagyuu thinks. "Masahiro? Masayuki? Masataka?"
Niou says, "Whatever."
Yagyuu takes the baby from Niou's arms. He touches the baby's hand. Fingers wrap around Yagyuu's index. The sensation of seeing another perfect manifestation of them never gets old. Yagyuu blinks hard. His eyes sting. He touches the baby's forehead with delicate fingertips. His skin is wrinkled and red, but soft. Yagyuu kisses his temple. His chest keeps expanding until he forgets to breathe.
"He'll be our very first," Yagyuu says.
"Sixth," Niou says. "Idiot, can't you do math?" Niou blows a raspberry.
"I mean, the first one I don't have to adopt to be mine," Yagyuu says.
When Yagyuu leaves, he can hear the muffled sound of sobs on the other side of the hospital door.
***
It takes Yagyuu a minute to recognize the phone number.
He huddles in the underground arcade, just outside the train station. Winter bites, even under Tokyo's glass and metal shell above ground.
His heart catches in his throat.
Yagyuu closes his eyes for an instant. He isn't impulsive. He needs to think.
He flips his cellphone open.
It's his mother's voice.
"Your grandmother passed away this morning at 6am," she says.
"The funeral is on Friday."
***
The grounds of the temple are dusted with tiny balls of snow. They cling to Yagyuu's shoes. They cling to Hiroshi and Hiroki's pants. Yagyuu holds each of them by the hand.
"The leash would be better," Niou whispers.
Yagyuu shakes his head. It wouldn't be appropriate today. The air is cold and silent, save for the chanting. Under Yagyuu's feet, the wooden temple steps creak in the midwinter afternoon.
The sun is low and weak. The brass incense burners and the bells gleam in the candlelight. Everything smells of incense. Yagyuu breathes it in and he tries to feel sad. Mostly, he feels empty. He wants to be sadder. He glances up toward the altar, and the coffin, and the people draped in black, or white. They cry because they have to, not because they want. Yagyuu wants to. But he can't.
Yagyuu can't recall the last funeral he went to. He was maybe Hiromi's age, and his grandfather had died. He remembers the garish display of flowers, and the saffron swish of the robes of monks. Beyond that, there is nothing.
Now it is surreal. They step closer to the coffin. Monks drone the sutras. Prayer beads clack softly. Yagyuu wonders what would be different if he has visited his grandmother in the hospital last week instead of two months ago at her home. He frowns.
His mother would still be standing by his father, dressed in a black suit and pearls. His sister would still be kneeling on the ground, dabbing at her eyes. Yagyuu would still be leaning over the coffin in morbid curiosity to see his grandmother in death. Her face is flatter than life. The warmth is gone from her body. She is stuffed into a coffin bursting with white flowers. It looks uncomfortable.
Masako asks why people are crying. Niou tells her not to be rude.
Yagyuu opens his mouth. He glances to the side. His mother's face is a mask behind her black veil. Yagyuu shuts his mouth and says nothing.
His knees cramp up during the funeral. Cold seeps up through the tatami floor. It cuts into Yagyuu's legs. He sighs. There are dozen or more cousins he hasn't seen in years. There are a dozen more Yagyuu hasn't heard spoken of in just as many.
Niou kneels beside Yagyuu. He keeps his head bowed. The brim of his hat nearly touches his chest-he borrowed the cap from Sanada. "It's black," Niou said on the train this morning.
Years have dulled the boredom of funerals. Hiromi pats Yagyuu's hand. Hiroki squirms. Hiroshi loses his glasses at one point and wanders off to get them. The girls are quiet, and so is the baby. He sits in a carrier, staring at the painted ceiling in fascination. Yagyuu doesn't think he can see it very well through the haze of incense.
After-but before the hearse drives off to the crematorium-Yagyuu finds his parents. His mother is a paragon of the grieving daughter-in-law. Her eyes sweep over Niou. She takes in Niou's dress and his sneakers and the cap he borrowed from Sanada (or maybe stolen, it could be debatable). She looks to Yagyuu, whose suit was crumpled up in the closet underneath a pile of toys. Yagyuu holds his head up high.
His mother curls her lip.
"You've been busy," she says. Her voice is even.
Yagyuu lifts his chin higher. He looks down his nose at his mother. Under the hem of his suit, he balls a fist. Then, he unclenches it. "Yes," he says, "we had another son."
His mother's face doesn't move.
Yagyuu's father walks up to them. Yagyuu nods his head. His father tells his mother the hearse is leaving soon and the priest will ride with them. His mother takes one last look at Yagyuu. Her eyes settle to Yagyuu's side, and down. She sniffs. Her feet pad against the tatami as she leaves.
Yagyuu's father almost smiles. Yagyuu almost smiles back.
"Hiroshi, we have to talk sometime," he says.
Then, he leaves too.
Someone brushes Yagyuu's arm. He looks down. Hiromi has been there all along.
***
Niou tries to be sneaky. Usually, Yagyuu catches onto it.
This time, Niou doesn't hide anything. His mouth hangs open for a good minute or two. The pot of ramen on the stove starts to bubble over and smoke. Hiromi says he'll turn it down for them.
"You're taking the shit from me, aren't you?" Niou finally says.
Yagyuu shakes his head.
"Her will said it went to us."
"She's a crazy old bat, then," Niou says. He shakes his head too.
Hiromi says that the noodles are getting soggy. Niou grumbles as he stands up. Yagyuu follows him the three steps to the kitchen. They step over toys and children and Ryuu's knocked over food bowl. Haruka makes a beeline for it. Yagyuu picks her up. She has dog food breath already.
"There's no mortgage, either," Yagyuu says. "She paid cash for it six years ago."
Niou spills ramen on the floor.
Ryuu licks it up.
They take possession effective immediately.
***
Yagyuu lets Niou handle it. He trudges to university the last couple months of the year. Cold spring rain comes. So do another round of exams. Yagyuu shivers in the library. There's no heating. His fingers are blue and numb as he turns the pages of the cosmetic dentistry textbook. Yagyuu blows on them. Rain pelts against the glass skylights. Yagyuu shivers again.
He goes home to a real home, now. Yagyuu and Niou signed the papers at the lawyer's office two weeks ago, with his father and mother in the same room. Yagyuu's mother was silent in her disapproval. Yagyuu's father handed the keys over. They were warm and heavy.
Yagyuu pulls the key out of his pocket. It's cold and damp out, even with his coat buttoned up to his neck. The garden at the front is a mess of tangled weeds and pools of black mud. It's too dark to see much. Yagyuu steps into another puddle. He winces. His shoe squelches. He starts to unlock the door.
Instead, it swings open for him.
A chorus of children say "Welcome home."
Niou waddles into the hallway. A toddler clings to his leg. Niou holds out a strange, beige-coloured girdle. It smells like moths and the overwhelming floral perfume of old women.
Niou asks, "Can I toss your grandma's underpants?"
***
They give away his grandma's old clothes to some weird, cosplaying teenagers Jackal knows.
They eat Yagyuu's grandma's old rice, and they eat from her rice bowls. Niou sorts through the closets in the house. Mouldy futons are thrown out. When the weather warms up enough, the musty smell is aired out. Ryuu stops peeing on the kitchen floor.
Gradually, it feels less like his grandmother's house.
When the dartboard goes up in the main room, everything feels right.
***
Yagyuu rubs his face on Niou's chest. Niou smells of milk and babies and the green-coloured soap from Matsumoto Kiyoshi. His skin is faintly sweet. Yagyuu licks it. He slides his tongue over Niou's collar. Niou shoves his chin into Yagyuu's face. His body faces the wall.
Yagyuu slings a leg over Niou's hip. He rubs his balls, and his dick. The smell of Niou makes his blood pound. His dick throbs. Yagyuu moans. He sucks on Niou's earlobe. His fingers creep between Niou's legs, in search of wet heat. When he finds it, a shudder runs through Yagyuu's belly. His dick swells. Niou sighs and lets Yagyuu rub his clit-or thereabouts.
The sheets rustle. Yagyuu starts on top. He presses down onto Niou's soft body. His curves are rounder than they used to be. His body is fleshier under Yagyuu's hands. His breasts are bigger. They jiggle more when Niou says, "Puri" and climbs over Yagyuu. Silver light through the window highlights the shadows on Niou. Yagyuu watches Niou's body bounce. His dick fills Niou. His belly is filled with liquid flames that explode. Yagyuu grabs onto Niou. He bucks. His thrusts are as blind as Niou's pants.
They lay in the dark together. Yagyuu sucks on Niou's nipples. Niou says it's gross. Yagyuu breathes in the valley of Niou's breasts instead. His heart pounds through his ears as their breathing falls into a soft tandem.
"I found a box of letters," Niou says.
"My grandmother's?"
Niou hums.
"They're all from Illinois."
Yagyuu lifts his head. He can't see Niou's face in this light, or without his glasses. His head settles down again.
Wasn't that where her American soldier lived? Yagyuu thinks. The thought passes. Niou shifts his body. He tells Yagyuu to move his soggy penis. Yagyuu turns a bit. His fingers don't leave Niou's side.
When their eyes droop-when they are nearly-but-not-quite asleep-the sliding door opens. Little feet patter across the tatami. Niou's side of the futon cover lifts up. He shoves over into Yagyuu's side to give the kids more room.
It's only twins tonight.
And then the dog plunks himself down between Yagyuu's legs.
***
Yagyuu graduates with his degree in dentistry. Six hours later, Yukimura wins the Hamburg Masters ATP Tour. He plays Andy Roddick in the finals.
Yagyuu watches the match on tv with Niou at home. They eat fried chicken. Yagyuu's degree sits on the table, underneath the KFC bucket.
Niou is pregnant again.
He rubs his belly.
Yagyuu loosens his tie. The grease sticks to his throat. Watching tennis on tv makes it even tighter. Under the table, Yagyuu reaches for the ghost of a racket. His eyes bounce across the net. Andy Roddick volleys. Yukimura sets up for a smash. Yagyuu holds his breath. If it were him playing, he would have used a laser beam.
But it isn't.
Niou chews on a chicken leg. Yagyuu sets his down.
"Yagyuu," Niou says. "Get your racket and let's go play, you blind dorkus."
***
Tennis is not quite like riding a bicycle.
Yagyuu swings too wide. Niou waddles around after the ball. The feel returns after a good dozen swings. The racket is heavier, and bulkier than Yagyuu remembers. The metallic sheen of the frame has dulled over the years.
He serves. The ball arcs over the net in a gentle glide.
Niou narrows his eyes. Flourescent floodlight gleams off his racket when he swings. Niou may not be stealthy, but he's not slow. He slugs the ball back to Yagyuu.
Yagyuu misjudges. His sneakers scuff on the clay. He kicks up a cloud of dusk when he changes direction to run for the return.
Niou sniffs. He stands at the net. His shadow stands in Yagyuu's way. Niou slings his racket over his shoulder. His lip curls up.
"Don't go all pussy on me, Yagyuu," he says. His mole twitches. A bat flies across the floodlight. Yagyuu fixes his glasses.
His body is feverish. Yagyuu squats down to pick up the tennis ball. He turns his head. Niou drums his fingers on the net. He whistles a tone-deaf jingle. The t-shirt is taught across his belly. His shorts are slung down on his hips in all the wrong ways.
Yagyuu's erection presses against his shorts. He tightens his hand around the tennis ball. It's wet with sweat. It's hot from Niou's shot.
Niou feigns a laser beam.
Yagyuu isn't feigning anything when he presses Niou against the chain link fence around the courts. He fucks Niou as the cicadas hum. Bats squeak, and so does Niou. The chain links shake.
Game set and match: Yagyuu wins.
***
He works at a dental clinic between Kawasaki and Yokohama. Yagyuu picks at plaque and he lectures patients about the benefits of proper flossing. It's monotonous, but okay. There are no big surprises. The sound of the picks scraping on teeth is soothing. Yagyuu doesn't like the smell of latex gloves, though. As soon as his shift finishes (generally around seven) he peels them off and chucks them into a wastebasket. His aim is perfect.
Yagyuu gives Niou his paychecks. They disappear into the mouths of six children. Ryuu eats the rest. He shits it out in the back garden underneath the mounded hostas.
They run out of names when the new baby arrives.
Niou sits at home with the baby boy. Masa crawls all over Niou's lap. The tv is on. Yagyuu half-listens to the documentary. There is an astronomer being interviewed. The French Open games begin in a half-hour.
"…Comet C/1975/N1 discovered by Kobayashi Toru…"
"Can I hold him?"
"It's my turn!"
"Mommy, Ryuu-chan peed on the floor again…"
"Daddy, can I play with your stethoscope?"
Yagyuu looks down at Hiroki. "I don't have a stethoscope," he says.
"What about the name Toru?" Niou asks.
A shot of a comet burns across the tv screen. The light is bright and white. The trajectory is ram-rod straight, just like a laser beam.
Yagyuu says it sounds lovely.
***
After his shift, Yagyuu meets Iwatani from university for dinner. They go to an Italian chain restaurant. Yagyuu orders shrimp pasta.
Iwatani says, "My father's business partner does consulting for a bank. They would be able to get financing for us to open a practice of our own." He sips his glass of Rosso di Montepulciano. Yagyuu takes a sip from his own glass. He swirls the wine over his tongue. It's earthy and rich.
"You interested?" Iwatani asks.
Yagyuu says, "Of course."
They toast to the practice over a bottle of Moscati d'Asti.
The bubbles go to Yagyuu's head. He floats home on the train. His footsteps are light through the suburban streets as he walks home. The lingering wine is sweet on his lips. He licks them, and then he opens the door. His insides are warm and fuzzy at the edges. Yagyuu looks for Niou. Desire clouds his vision as much as the alcohol. He pushes his glases up, and they slip right back down his face.
Niou pads out from the bedroom. He's wearing an old t-shirt of Yagyuu's-the hems are fraying and there are old stains over the front. Yagyuu can see Niou's nipples through the thin fabric. He can smell Niou's skin, and the muskiness of his cunt.
"Have you been masturbating?" Yagyuu asks. His eyes are nearly closed when he reaches for Niou's hands. Yagyuu rubs Niou's hands over his breasts. Niou's eyelashes flutter.
Yagyuu kisses Niou hard.
His mouth is sloppy. So Yagyuu runs his tongue over Niou's chin. Niou lets him.
Then Niou says, "I'm sick of having kids. Go get fixed, Yagyuu."
"Whatever you want," Yagyuu murmurs. He kisses the words into Niou's neck. Niou's skin is damp from the bath. His body is soft and pliable. Yagyuu agrees with whatever Niou says.
In the morning, he can't remember anyway. Not until Niou hands Yagyuu his rice bowl at breakfast. "I called the doctor," he says.
"For what?"
Niou makes scisssors with two fingers.
Yagyuu pales.
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
The hotel receptionist gives Yagyuu a strange look. His body is fuzzy with wine. His muscles are flush from the day. Niou leans on Yagyuu. He's had a silly smirky on most of the night. His breasts are hot. Yagyuu shivers. His dick throbs.
All day, Yagyuu has thought of nothing but peeling Niou's dress from his body. He wants to lay Niou out on that dress and fuck him. He wants Niou to beg and whimper and come all over the satin folds.
Yagyuu pulls at his collar. It's too tight. His skin's on fire. He takes the two sets of keys and a small hand.
The rooms are on floor eight. Niou's dress nearly gets stuck in the elevator door; Yagyuu kicks it out of the way.
It's hard to juggle five, half-sleeping children between the two of them. Niou takes the skirt of his dress off. Yagyuu's eyes nearly pop out of his head as Niou wanders between the two rooms in a satin bodice and a thong. His legs look long in the nylons. The lace garters make Yagyuu's mouth dry. He forgets about Haruka's pajamas.
Niou raises his eyebrows. He nods to the children. Well?
Yagyuu works on the next kid. They tuck two into the left bed, and the twins into the right. Hiroki whimpers. He reaches into the air for nothing. Niou has his back turned as he shuts the curtains. His left buttcheck flexes.
Yagyuu undoes his tie all the way. Sweat drips down his face. His hands shake on the handle of the door. His balls are going to shrivel up soon-or explode.
The baby is the last; Niou tucks her into the crib.
He turns around and walks into their hotel room.
Yagyuu locks the door.
He takes his glasses off. His vision blurs. Yagyuu pushes Niou onto the bed. Under his body, the silk crinkles. Niou says, "Wait a sec."
Yagyuu doesn't.
He pries at Niou's bodice. The hooks on the back snap. They bounce off the walls. One shoots into Yagyuu's arm. The sensation is as electric as the Niou's hissing.
Yagyuu swallows. His body is numb. He kisses Niou's neck. His hands fumble with Niou's bra. Niou's breasts jiggle. His nipples are engorged and dark in the lamplight. Yagyuu groans.
Niou unzips Yagyuu's pants. His breath catches. Yagyuu sucks a breath in. Niou's fingers skitter over his cock. His body shivers and he grabs the sheets. "Masaharu," Yagyuu says. He mutters Niou's name over and over. He licks it into Niou's skin. He bites his ownership.
You are mine
Yagyuu is naked. He's been waiting all day to have Niou's hands on his ass and his back. His body stiffens at the sight of Niou, supine on the bed with heavy-lidded eyes. Yagyuu grinds his teeth. Not yet. He can't think like this. Every pulse of his body throbs through his dick. His balls shrivel up back into his body. Every muscle strains.
There is wetness against his thigh. Yagyuu brushes his cheek on Niou's knee. He breathes in the muskiness of Niou's cunt. He licks the satin thong. It catches on his teeth. Yagyuu tries to take Niou's garter and nylons off with his teeth.
It doesn't work.
Niou starts to laugh.
"No!" Yagyuu seethes. He curls his lip up. He shoves Niou down into the pillows. Niou's eyes are huge and afraid. Yagyuu's heart slams into his lungs. His dick does, too. He pants and digs his nails into Niou's arms.
Niou whimpers.
The thong rips.
Niou wraps his legs around Yagyuu's head. The lace garters catch on Yagyuu's ears. He bucks and moans and melts into Yagyuu's tongue.
It's been too long.
Niou comes on Yagyuu's mouth. Yagyuu comes on Niou's dress.
And the night has just begun.
***
Some time in the hazy pre-dawn, Yagyuu cannot move any more.
Niou whines that he cannot take it any more. "My pussy hurts," he says. His voice is a broken mewl. His body is covered in bruises and love bites, claw marks and half-moon prints from eager fingernails.
Yagyuu's dick is so oversensitized he can't feel it at all. The sheets draped over his body make it ache. He says nothing and curls into Niou's body.
"You're mine," Yagyuu says.
Hands brush Yagyuu's balls. He nearly breaks into a sob. Niou smiles against the pillow as he looks at Yagyuu, then reaches over to turn out the lamp.
Niou says, "Your balls are mine."
***
He dreams that everyone lives in his small apartment. The ceiling still leaks. The toilet is clogged. Yagyuu sniffs. He can smell the stink of someone else's gas. It makes him frown. Hiromi pushes Yagyuu's right side. Four other children push Yagyuu's left side. He trips. He falls.
He wakes up.
Yagyuu cracks an eye open. Last night-this morning-he forgot to close the curtains. Mauve clouds roll over a pink and amber canvas of dawn. The colours bleed into each other. Yagyuu reaches over for his glasses.
And he falls out of bed.
Yagyuu reaches over the mattress to pull himself up. A whimper escapes his lips. His dick is on fire. He can't stop thinking about it.
Niou is sprawled across the middle of the bed. There are three, or maybe four other lumps curled up around him. Yagyuu's tiny corner of the bed is appropriated by Hiromi's sleeping body.
Yagyuu blinks.
The door between the hotel rooms is wide open. He can hear a baby gurgling in the other room.
Yagyuu pulls on his tux pants, and then he goes over to say good morning to Haruka.
***
His dream comes true.
Niou and all their children move into Yagyuu's apartment. So do all of the wedding gifts. Niou uses the red envelopes of money to buy futons for them. He also comes home with a mega-ultra water bazooka. It is a metre high and sits on top of Yagyuu's desk.
Yagyuu frowns. The twins sit on his table. Hiromi plays with the remote for the small tv pushed into the corner of the desk behind the bazooka.
Niou opens the bathroom door. It smacks Yagyuu in the side. Yagyuu says ouch. Niou doesn't apologize. He looks at the bag of groceries in Yagyuu's hand.
"Supper?" he asks.
"No," Yagyuu says. "My lunch for tomorrow."
"Well, what are we gonna eat for supper?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu does not ask What did you make us?
Instead, he offers, "Royal Host?"
***
The wedding money lasts three weeks, and one rent payment.
Yagyuu uses the last of it to buy Niou a cooking magazine.
Haruka eats half of it.
The rest, Niou folds into paper airplanes.
"Yagyuu," he says, "I can't fucking cook at all."
***
The paperwork comes in the mail.
It sits in the mail box in the lobby of the apartment building. Yagyuu has given Niou the combo seven times. Niou has ignored him eight times more.
Yagyuu sighs. A scooter rushes past on the street. It crunches over solitary PET bottles. Yagyuu winces at the sound that echos in the caverns between apartment blocks.
His stomach growls in the elevator. The seminar ran late. Yagyuu wonders if Niou got his message or not. He sniffs the hallway, but there is nothing but damp cement and the fluoride that follows Yagyuu home from university every day.
The door opens into a pile of toddler-sized sneakers. Yagyuu steps inside. Hiroki looks up at him. He's in the middle of arranging shoes and Hiromi's red knapsack. "Hi Daddy," he says.
"Hi," Yagyuu says.
Niou says, "Hey, babe." He has a pink apron with frills. Yagyuu fixes his glasses, but his sight isn't going.
"I bought eel," Niou says. Yagyuu sets his bag down. Five children are crowded into the single room. They stare up at Yagyuu from the table.
There is eel on a Styrofoam plate.
And the rice cooker spits in the corner, all over onto the old tatami floor.
And there is salad in a large plastic mixing bowl.
Masako beams when Niou offers Yagyuu salad. Yagyuu nearly falls over. Hiromi moves over and says, "You can sit beside me, Daddy."
"You cooked," Yagyuu says.
Niou bats his lashes once or twice. His cheeks are flushed, but the balcony door is also open to the sticky summer night.
"We stole the salad-"
Niou clamps a hand over Masako's mouth. "For you, Yagyuu," he says. "Isn't this what a wife's supposed to do?"
There's no mayo for the salad; Yagyuu eats it anyway. He says nothing. Niou smiles at Yagyuu. He nods to the papers. After supper, when the water runs in the bath tub, Niou stands on the balcony with Yagyuu. Their laundry hangs still in the stagnant night. Niou leans on the railing. The old A/C unit rattles beside Yagyuu.
Yagyuu looks over the tops of lower apartment blocks toward the river. City lights gleam on the glassy river. Lorries roll over the bridges. Nearby, someone is frying fish. Yagyuu murmurs, "When you sign, they'll be legally mine."
"And me?" Niou asks. He raises his eyebrow. Sweat dribbles along the sides of his face. Niou's cheeks look rounder than they did in spring.
Yagyuu's insides are hot and mercurious. He presses Niou to the side of the building, just out of sight of the curtains drawn across the balcony door.
"Not here," Niou whispers. His lips brush Yagyuu's. Yagyuu groans. He spreads his hand across Niou's thigh. He pushes the apron up. His fingers dance on the inside hem of Niou's shorts-he doesn't put up much of a struggle.
Niou's skin is clammy and warm.
His cunt is even warmer when Yagyuu pushes his fingers up inside.
***
Six futons and a foldaway crib take up the entirety of Yagyuu's apartment.
Each night, Yagyuu eyes the futon next to Niou's.
He goes into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth. He washes his face. He takes one final piss and walks out into the dark room. Yagyuu is careful to step over the small lumps.
The futon next to Niou is occupied.
Yagyuu's erection sags a little.
He whispers Niou's name. Gleaming eyes watch Yagyuu in the semi-black. "Please," Yagyuu asks.
The corner of Niou's futon lifts up.
Yagyuu slips under it. He groans when he slips inside Niou. The futon cover rustles. A child sighs with sleepy heaviness. Niou's skin slaps against Yagyuu as they move together.
Yagyuu finishes, then he rolls over onto his corner of Niou's futon.
In the morning, he's always pushed onto the floor.
***
Yagyuu has no room to study at home.
His desk is colonized by toys and new water guns. A dart board is tacked to the wall above the microwave, which sits on top of the shelf. Yagyuu's clothes are dyed pink by Niou's laundry attempts. His white socks take on a grey colour. Yagyuu peels them out of his trousers, which are never ironed anymore.
Niou tries.
Yagyuu tries to be appreciative.
One last red envelope comes in the mail, several months later. Yagyuu recognizes the loopy printing. Lately, it's taken on a shakiness that only gets worse. Yagyuu can't remember the last time he visited his grandmother in the hospital. Guilt burns his chest.
Yayguu brings the puppy home in a crate.
Niou takes one look at it as the puppy stands in the middle of the apartment, circled by children and shaking. It pees. Niou narrows his eyes.
"Puri," Niou says.
"Isn't Ryuu a nice name for him?" Yagyuu asks. He waits. Girls on the train cooed over the puppy in the carrier. Pretty OLs on the bus gushed and asked Yagyuu what the puppy's name was.
Niou asks, "What the hell am I supposed to do with that, Yagyuu?"
***
The puppy crawls under the futon with Niou.
Yagyuu lays in the dark. He exhales. Hiroshi Jr kicks sleepy limbs into Yagyuu's knee.
Soft, muffled laughter hangs in the apartment. Yagyuu holds a breath.
"…you smell good," Niou whispers. "Here, stay still, yes…Ryuu-chan…"
Yagyuu exhales again.
The alarm goes off at five, just so that Yagyuu can walk the dog.
***
Except for the hours between midnight and five-coincidentally when the trains have stopped running-Yagyuu lives at the library.
He camps out in a desk cubby on the second floor. He tacks up a picture of Niou. Between fits of studying for biology and radiology, practical dentistry and how to perform a root canal, Niou smirks at Yagyuu.
Yagyuu masturbates in the toilets on the top floor. They are empty and Yagyuu makes sure to flush the toilet twice after he's finished.
Niou does not ask about Yagyuu's exams. He's already asleep when Yagyuu crawls home.
Yagyuu shuffles across the apartment. He eats a lukewarm cup noodle. It tastes like paste. He collapses onto the first empty futon he finds (usually closest to the door for easier dog-walking at dawn). The apartment smells like fried chicken. Yagyuu dreams about Familymart. Niou is always there.
His exams finish the second week of August.
Yagyuu goes out to an izakaya with classmates. They drink until the exams are a faded, slurry memory. Two guys pass out over the table. Yagyuu staggers onto the streets. It takes three attempts on the bus to get home.
When he wakes up and the sunlight burns his skull, Niou sits on the floor between the apartment door and the main room. He licks his fingers, then reaches into a bucket of fried chicken again. Ryuu sits by Niou, placid; he licks at the chicken skin around his lips.
Yagyuu heaves into the tiny trash bin.
"I'm pregnant again," Niou says.
Yagyuu heaves again.
***
They have no income, except for what Niou makes when he thinks Yagyuu doesn't know he spends his afternoons playing pachinko, or billiards with Marui's coworkers.
It will be another year and a half before Yagyuu graduates. It could be another year and a half more before Yagyuu has a job.
They have another baby coming.
Inside, Yagyuu wants to be sick. His throat is too tight to breathe.
He doesn't know what to do, so he calls Kirihara.
***
On the fourth pulse, Kirihara picks up.
Yagyuu forgets what to say.
Kirihara says, "Hey, senpai."
"You're there, Kirihara-kun."
"Yeah, just got back from New York. Hey you wanna come to my wedding? It's gonna be in January, probably."
"Ah….yes…mn."
"Senpai?"
"Hn?"
"You okay?"
"Yagyuu-senpai?"
"Niou-kun is expecting again," Yagyuu whispers. The words are thick. They catch on Yagyuu's tongue. He leans against the wall. The sun doesn't blind him on this side of the Familymart on building. The smell of fried chicken and air conditioner coolant makes Yagyuu's vision swim.
"Uh…congrats, senpai? Yanagi-senpai is pregnant too, you know. He said we can have a shotgun wedding. I bet Niou-senpai wants to come to that. He can bring his water guns." Kirihara snickers.
Yagyuu is silent.
"Senpai?"
"Kirihara-kun, do you think it would be easier on Niou-kun if I were to be working?"
"What do you mean?"
"I think I will drop out of university when the summer holiday is done."
This is the first time Yagyuu has allowed himself to think these words. His pulse presses between his ribs. It hurts.
"You can't do that, senpai!"
"Senpai?"
"OI! Senpai, are you still there?"
"…yes, Kirihara-kun."
"Okay, are you at your place right now?"
"I will be. Niou-kun wanted more chicken."
"Can you still be there in an hour or something?"
***
A blue Honda drives up along the apartment lobby.
It parks in the middle of the street.
Yagyuu is walking. The plastic bag with the box of fried chicken hangs heavy in his hand.
Kirihara leans against his car. He waves. When Yagyuu gets closer, Kirihara's smile fizzles.
Kirihara holds out a stack of yen.
Yagyuu shakes his head.
Kirihara says you better, senpai, I went all the way to the post office for this, you're gonna fucking take it.
Yagyuu keeps shaking his head.
Kirihara stuffs the bills into the plastic bag. Before Yagyuu can protest, the blue Honda revs and rushes down the street. Garbage stirs and rustles against the communal trash bin. A popsicle wrapper drifts against Yagyuu's sneaker.
He opens the plastic bag and looks down.
Yagyuu sinks to the pavement.
He bows against the hot tarmack, but Kirihara is long gone.
***
Niou stays home and eats.
Yagyuu walks the dog, and then he goes to classes. He walks through Yoyogi Park when he has a long break between lectures. It isn't worth going home. Yagyuu doesn't want to go home. The apartment stifles with children, the smell of fried chicken and dog.
There are hundreds of leaf hunters out. Yagyuu looks up at the scarlet maples. Leaves flutter to the ground. They catch on Yagyuu's shoulders. He brushes them off. Two more takes its place. The world is a canvas of deep colours here.
Yagyuu comes home at half-past eight.
The futons have been pulled out, but Niou is awake. The dog sits by Niou's feet. Niou strokes its ears until Yagyuu approaches. Niou shoves the dog away. He looks at Yagyuu.
"Good day?" he asks.
Yagyuu says it was all right.
Niou doesn't say anything more. His shoulders droop more by the day. Despite the growl in his stomach, Yagyuu waits. He rubs Niou's shoulders, then he slides his hands down to the small of Niou's back. Niou sighs into the touch. Yagyuu's cock swells. He keeps rubbing Niou's skin through his skirt. Niou cracks his spine. He rubs his belly.
"Wanna go out?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu blinks. There are sleeping children right beyond the kitchen. Niou has already started to pull on a pair of crocs.
There's nowhere to be inside the apartment. Turning on the tv would wake someone up. Using the microwave would push Niou into the bathroom.
Yagyuu checks the lock twice, just in case. There is an uneasiness settling in his belly. Niou, though, just breathes deep in the dark, city air. His eyes glow in the reflected traffic of cars coming home, or flashing dump trucks.
"I'm hungry," Niou says.
They eat at a ramen shop. Yagyuu can't remember the last time they did this together-maybe it was high school. It feels like forever. Niou squeezing into a tiny table booth with Yagyuu. His belly presses tight against the table. Yagyuu's knee brushes Niou's.
Niou finishes his ramen first. Yagyuu isn't far behind. Niou belches. Yagyuu wipes his mouth with a paper napkin.
Niou's hand is cold when Yagyuu reaches for it. Instead of taking the main road back toward the apartment building, Niou pulls the opposite direction. At this time of night, the pathway along the canal is lonely. Yagyuu squeezes Niou's hand tighter. Niou starts to turn to Yagyuu. Half-way, he stops.
"Let's walk to the beach," Niou says.
So they walk to the beach. Yagyuu doesn't check his watch. The moon hangs in the sky, touching rooftops with silver fingers. Niou's hair burns pearly-white. The slightest wind touches their naked hands. Yagyuu steps closer to Niou. He can taste the salt in the air long before he sees the water.
By day, this beach must be grubby and polluted with seagulls and teenagers. At night, there is an endless stretch of sand and two of them. There is a driftwood log that has floated ashore over smooth, grey rocks. The rocks slip under their feet. Yagyuu holds his arm out for Niou.
Niou takes it.
The waves roll in with cold regularity. The water rushes up, but it never reaches them. Yagyuu slides his arm over Niou's shoulders. He watches Niou's face. For once, Niou is still. His lips part. Yagyuu leans in. Niou speaks before Yagyuu has a chance to kiss him.
"Yagyuu, I…"
Yagyuu hums.
Niou shakes his head.
"Nevermind," Niou mutters.
Yagyuu forgets Niou said anything when Niou cocks his head to the side and lets Yagyuu lick his neck.
***
On the first day of winter, Niou goes into labour.
The puddles on the sides of the roads have a frozen film over their tops. Yagyuu's ears are numb at the top. His glasses are cold and foreign on his face.
He doesn't have time to think about these things.
He holds Niou up in the elevator of the apartment. "I'll call a cab," Yagyuu says.
"Fuck it, they'll never find the apartment building," Niou says. He pants. He puffs. He's red faced and Yagyuu isn't going to argue with him in this state.
So they take the train. The very first commuters yawn on the platform. Niou presses a palm to a painted steel pillar. He seethes through his teeth. "I fucking hate you, Yagyuu!"
Yagyuu apologizes.
Niou grabs Yagyuu's arm. The train rolls up to the platform. It drowns out the broken mewl Yagyuu makes. Niou's fingernails dig into his forearm. "When I am done," Niou says. They stagger onto the train. The other passengers do their best to ignore Niou.
"When I am done," Niou repeats, "I am going to slice off your balls."
Yagyuu winces.
***
"Do you still feel the same way?" Yagyuu asks.
It's a lame joke.
Niou looks up at Yagyuu. His arms cradle a bundle of squirming limbs and confused slate eyes that take in everything new in the world, and nothing.
"Puri," Niou says.
"What should we call him?" Yagyuu asks. "Masa…?"
Niou shrugs. "I'm outta ideas."
Yagyuu thinks. "Masahiro? Masayuki? Masataka?"
Niou says, "Whatever."
Yagyuu takes the baby from Niou's arms. He touches the baby's hand. Fingers wrap around Yagyuu's index. The sensation of seeing another perfect manifestation of them never gets old. Yagyuu blinks hard. His eyes sting. He touches the baby's forehead with delicate fingertips. His skin is wrinkled and red, but soft. Yagyuu kisses his temple. His chest keeps expanding until he forgets to breathe.
"He'll be our very first," Yagyuu says.
"Sixth," Niou says. "Idiot, can't you do math?" Niou blows a raspberry.
"I mean, the first one I don't have to adopt to be mine," Yagyuu says.
When Yagyuu leaves, he can hear the muffled sound of sobs on the other side of the hospital door.
***
It takes Yagyuu a minute to recognize the phone number.
He huddles in the underground arcade, just outside the train station. Winter bites, even under Tokyo's glass and metal shell above ground.
His heart catches in his throat.
Yagyuu closes his eyes for an instant. He isn't impulsive. He needs to think.
He flips his cellphone open.
It's his mother's voice.
"Your grandmother passed away this morning at 6am," she says.
"The funeral is on Friday."
***
The grounds of the temple are dusted with tiny balls of snow. They cling to Yagyuu's shoes. They cling to Hiroshi and Hiroki's pants. Yagyuu holds each of them by the hand.
"The leash would be better," Niou whispers.
Yagyuu shakes his head. It wouldn't be appropriate today. The air is cold and silent, save for the chanting. Under Yagyuu's feet, the wooden temple steps creak in the midwinter afternoon.
The sun is low and weak. The brass incense burners and the bells gleam in the candlelight. Everything smells of incense. Yagyuu breathes it in and he tries to feel sad. Mostly, he feels empty. He wants to be sadder. He glances up toward the altar, and the coffin, and the people draped in black, or white. They cry because they have to, not because they want. Yagyuu wants to. But he can't.
Yagyuu can't recall the last funeral he went to. He was maybe Hiromi's age, and his grandfather had died. He remembers the garish display of flowers, and the saffron swish of the robes of monks. Beyond that, there is nothing.
Now it is surreal. They step closer to the coffin. Monks drone the sutras. Prayer beads clack softly. Yagyuu wonders what would be different if he has visited his grandmother in the hospital last week instead of two months ago at her home. He frowns.
His mother would still be standing by his father, dressed in a black suit and pearls. His sister would still be kneeling on the ground, dabbing at her eyes. Yagyuu would still be leaning over the coffin in morbid curiosity to see his grandmother in death. Her face is flatter than life. The warmth is gone from her body. She is stuffed into a coffin bursting with white flowers. It looks uncomfortable.
Masako asks why people are crying. Niou tells her not to be rude.
Yagyuu opens his mouth. He glances to the side. His mother's face is a mask behind her black veil. Yagyuu shuts his mouth and says nothing.
His knees cramp up during the funeral. Cold seeps up through the tatami floor. It cuts into Yagyuu's legs. He sighs. There are dozen or more cousins he hasn't seen in years. There are a dozen more Yagyuu hasn't heard spoken of in just as many.
Niou kneels beside Yagyuu. He keeps his head bowed. The brim of his hat nearly touches his chest-he borrowed the cap from Sanada. "It's black," Niou said on the train this morning.
Years have dulled the boredom of funerals. Hiromi pats Yagyuu's hand. Hiroki squirms. Hiroshi loses his glasses at one point and wanders off to get them. The girls are quiet, and so is the baby. He sits in a carrier, staring at the painted ceiling in fascination. Yagyuu doesn't think he can see it very well through the haze of incense.
After-but before the hearse drives off to the crematorium-Yagyuu finds his parents. His mother is a paragon of the grieving daughter-in-law. Her eyes sweep over Niou. She takes in Niou's dress and his sneakers and the cap he borrowed from Sanada (or maybe stolen, it could be debatable). She looks to Yagyuu, whose suit was crumpled up in the closet underneath a pile of toys. Yagyuu holds his head up high.
His mother curls her lip.
"You've been busy," she says. Her voice is even.
Yagyuu lifts his chin higher. He looks down his nose at his mother. Under the hem of his suit, he balls a fist. Then, he unclenches it. "Yes," he says, "we had another son."
His mother's face doesn't move.
Yagyuu's father walks up to them. Yagyuu nods his head. His father tells his mother the hearse is leaving soon and the priest will ride with them. His mother takes one last look at Yagyuu. Her eyes settle to Yagyuu's side, and down. She sniffs. Her feet pad against the tatami as she leaves.
Yagyuu's father almost smiles. Yagyuu almost smiles back.
"Hiroshi, we have to talk sometime," he says.
Then, he leaves too.
Someone brushes Yagyuu's arm. He looks down. Hiromi has been there all along.
***
Niou tries to be sneaky. Usually, Yagyuu catches onto it.
This time, Niou doesn't hide anything. His mouth hangs open for a good minute or two. The pot of ramen on the stove starts to bubble over and smoke. Hiromi says he'll turn it down for them.
"You're taking the shit from me, aren't you?" Niou finally says.
Yagyuu shakes his head.
"Her will said it went to us."
"She's a crazy old bat, then," Niou says. He shakes his head too.
Hiromi says that the noodles are getting soggy. Niou grumbles as he stands up. Yagyuu follows him the three steps to the kitchen. They step over toys and children and Ryuu's knocked over food bowl. Haruka makes a beeline for it. Yagyuu picks her up. She has dog food breath already.
"There's no mortgage, either," Yagyuu says. "She paid cash for it six years ago."
Niou spills ramen on the floor.
Ryuu licks it up.
They take possession effective immediately.
***
Yagyuu lets Niou handle it. He trudges to university the last couple months of the year. Cold spring rain comes. So do another round of exams. Yagyuu shivers in the library. There's no heating. His fingers are blue and numb as he turns the pages of the cosmetic dentistry textbook. Yagyuu blows on them. Rain pelts against the glass skylights. Yagyuu shivers again.
He goes home to a real home, now. Yagyuu and Niou signed the papers at the lawyer's office two weeks ago, with his father and mother in the same room. Yagyuu's mother was silent in her disapproval. Yagyuu's father handed the keys over. They were warm and heavy.
Yagyuu pulls the key out of his pocket. It's cold and damp out, even with his coat buttoned up to his neck. The garden at the front is a mess of tangled weeds and pools of black mud. It's too dark to see much. Yagyuu steps into another puddle. He winces. His shoe squelches. He starts to unlock the door.
Instead, it swings open for him.
A chorus of children say "Welcome home."
Niou waddles into the hallway. A toddler clings to his leg. Niou holds out a strange, beige-coloured girdle. It smells like moths and the overwhelming floral perfume of old women.
Niou asks, "Can I toss your grandma's underpants?"
***
They give away his grandma's old clothes to some weird, cosplaying teenagers Jackal knows.
They eat Yagyuu's grandma's old rice, and they eat from her rice bowls. Niou sorts through the closets in the house. Mouldy futons are thrown out. When the weather warms up enough, the musty smell is aired out. Ryuu stops peeing on the kitchen floor.
Gradually, it feels less like his grandmother's house.
When the dartboard goes up in the main room, everything feels right.
***
Yagyuu rubs his face on Niou's chest. Niou smells of milk and babies and the green-coloured soap from Matsumoto Kiyoshi. His skin is faintly sweet. Yagyuu licks it. He slides his tongue over Niou's collar. Niou shoves his chin into Yagyuu's face. His body faces the wall.
Yagyuu slings a leg over Niou's hip. He rubs his balls, and his dick. The smell of Niou makes his blood pound. His dick throbs. Yagyuu moans. He sucks on Niou's earlobe. His fingers creep between Niou's legs, in search of wet heat. When he finds it, a shudder runs through Yagyuu's belly. His dick swells. Niou sighs and lets Yagyuu rub his clit-or thereabouts.
The sheets rustle. Yagyuu starts on top. He presses down onto Niou's soft body. His curves are rounder than they used to be. His body is fleshier under Yagyuu's hands. His breasts are bigger. They jiggle more when Niou says, "Puri" and climbs over Yagyuu. Silver light through the window highlights the shadows on Niou. Yagyuu watches Niou's body bounce. His dick fills Niou. His belly is filled with liquid flames that explode. Yagyuu grabs onto Niou. He bucks. His thrusts are as blind as Niou's pants.
They lay in the dark together. Yagyuu sucks on Niou's nipples. Niou says it's gross. Yagyuu breathes in the valley of Niou's breasts instead. His heart pounds through his ears as their breathing falls into a soft tandem.
"I found a box of letters," Niou says.
"My grandmother's?"
Niou hums.
"They're all from Illinois."
Yagyuu lifts his head. He can't see Niou's face in this light, or without his glasses. His head settles down again.
Wasn't that where her American soldier lived? Yagyuu thinks. The thought passes. Niou shifts his body. He tells Yagyuu to move his soggy penis. Yagyuu turns a bit. His fingers don't leave Niou's side.
When their eyes droop-when they are nearly-but-not-quite asleep-the sliding door opens. Little feet patter across the tatami. Niou's side of the futon cover lifts up. He shoves over into Yagyuu's side to give the kids more room.
It's only twins tonight.
And then the dog plunks himself down between Yagyuu's legs.
***
Yagyuu graduates with his degree in dentistry. Six hours later, Yukimura wins the Hamburg Masters ATP Tour. He plays Andy Roddick in the finals.
Yagyuu watches the match on tv with Niou at home. They eat fried chicken. Yagyuu's degree sits on the table, underneath the KFC bucket.
Niou is pregnant again.
He rubs his belly.
Yagyuu loosens his tie. The grease sticks to his throat. Watching tennis on tv makes it even tighter. Under the table, Yagyuu reaches for the ghost of a racket. His eyes bounce across the net. Andy Roddick volleys. Yukimura sets up for a smash. Yagyuu holds his breath. If it were him playing, he would have used a laser beam.
But it isn't.
Niou chews on a chicken leg. Yagyuu sets his down.
"Yagyuu," Niou says. "Get your racket and let's go play, you blind dorkus."
***
Tennis is not quite like riding a bicycle.
Yagyuu swings too wide. Niou waddles around after the ball. The feel returns after a good dozen swings. The racket is heavier, and bulkier than Yagyuu remembers. The metallic sheen of the frame has dulled over the years.
He serves. The ball arcs over the net in a gentle glide.
Niou narrows his eyes. Flourescent floodlight gleams off his racket when he swings. Niou may not be stealthy, but he's not slow. He slugs the ball back to Yagyuu.
Yagyuu misjudges. His sneakers scuff on the clay. He kicks up a cloud of dusk when he changes direction to run for the return.
Niou sniffs. He stands at the net. His shadow stands in Yagyuu's way. Niou slings his racket over his shoulder. His lip curls up.
"Don't go all pussy on me, Yagyuu," he says. His mole twitches. A bat flies across the floodlight. Yagyuu fixes his glasses.
His body is feverish. Yagyuu squats down to pick up the tennis ball. He turns his head. Niou drums his fingers on the net. He whistles a tone-deaf jingle. The t-shirt is taught across his belly. His shorts are slung down on his hips in all the wrong ways.
Yagyuu's erection presses against his shorts. He tightens his hand around the tennis ball. It's wet with sweat. It's hot from Niou's shot.
Niou feigns a laser beam.
Yagyuu isn't feigning anything when he presses Niou against the chain link fence around the courts. He fucks Niou as the cicadas hum. Bats squeak, and so does Niou. The chain links shake.
Game set and match: Yagyuu wins.
***
He works at a dental clinic between Kawasaki and Yokohama. Yagyuu picks at plaque and he lectures patients about the benefits of proper flossing. It's monotonous, but okay. There are no big surprises. The sound of the picks scraping on teeth is soothing. Yagyuu doesn't like the smell of latex gloves, though. As soon as his shift finishes (generally around seven) he peels them off and chucks them into a wastebasket. His aim is perfect.
Yagyuu gives Niou his paychecks. They disappear into the mouths of six children. Ryuu eats the rest. He shits it out in the back garden underneath the mounded hostas.
They run out of names when the new baby arrives.
Niou sits at home with the baby boy. Masa crawls all over Niou's lap. The tv is on. Yagyuu half-listens to the documentary. There is an astronomer being interviewed. The French Open games begin in a half-hour.
"…Comet C/1975/N1 discovered by Kobayashi Toru…"
"Can I hold him?"
"It's my turn!"
"Mommy, Ryuu-chan peed on the floor again…"
"Daddy, can I play with your stethoscope?"
Yagyuu looks down at Hiroki. "I don't have a stethoscope," he says.
"What about the name Toru?" Niou asks.
A shot of a comet burns across the tv screen. The light is bright and white. The trajectory is ram-rod straight, just like a laser beam.
Yagyuu says it sounds lovely.
***
After his shift, Yagyuu meets Iwatani from university for dinner. They go to an Italian chain restaurant. Yagyuu orders shrimp pasta.
Iwatani says, "My father's business partner does consulting for a bank. They would be able to get financing for us to open a practice of our own." He sips his glass of Rosso di Montepulciano. Yagyuu takes a sip from his own glass. He swirls the wine over his tongue. It's earthy and rich.
"You interested?" Iwatani asks.
Yagyuu says, "Of course."
They toast to the practice over a bottle of Moscati d'Asti.
The bubbles go to Yagyuu's head. He floats home on the train. His footsteps are light through the suburban streets as he walks home. The lingering wine is sweet on his lips. He licks them, and then he opens the door. His insides are warm and fuzzy at the edges. Yagyuu looks for Niou. Desire clouds his vision as much as the alcohol. He pushes his glases up, and they slip right back down his face.
Niou pads out from the bedroom. He's wearing an old t-shirt of Yagyuu's-the hems are fraying and there are old stains over the front. Yagyuu can see Niou's nipples through the thin fabric. He can smell Niou's skin, and the muskiness of his cunt.
"Have you been masturbating?" Yagyuu asks. His eyes are nearly closed when he reaches for Niou's hands. Yagyuu rubs Niou's hands over his breasts. Niou's eyelashes flutter.
Yagyuu kisses Niou hard.
His mouth is sloppy. So Yagyuu runs his tongue over Niou's chin. Niou lets him.
Then Niou says, "I'm sick of having kids. Go get fixed, Yagyuu."
"Whatever you want," Yagyuu murmurs. He kisses the words into Niou's neck. Niou's skin is damp from the bath. His body is soft and pliable. Yagyuu agrees with whatever Niou says.
In the morning, he can't remember anyway. Not until Niou hands Yagyuu his rice bowl at breakfast. "I called the doctor," he says.
"For what?"
Niou makes scisssors with two fingers.
Yagyuu pales.