FIC: Push/Pull, Yagyuu/Niou, NC17 (5/14)
Title: Push/Pull (5/14)
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
"Do you ever feel like this is some sort of weird Yanki dream?"
Yagyuu peels his cheek off Niou's chest. Their bodies stink of sex. Yagyuu can't see Niou's expression, but he can feel Niou playing with his hair.
"What do you mean?" Yagyuu asks.
Niou sighs. His chest rises and falls and Yagyuu moves with it. He shifts. He inches up the futon to be closer to Niou's face. Nose to nose, he can see Niou's face.
"Think about it," Niou says. "All we're missing is a motorcycle."
Yagyuu blinks. He fumbles for his glasses. He doesn't remember where he put them and he can't see well enough to find them, either. Niou's naked chest distracts him. Yagyuu's dick is half-hard again. Niou rubs his breasts. He tweaks his nipples between his thumb and index finger until they stiffen. Milk beads, just a little. Yagyuu leans down and licks it off. He licks the side of Niou's breast all the way up to his armpit. Niou makes a contented noise.
"You want a motorcycle?" Yagyuu murmurs into Niou's jaw.
Niou makes another noise. He scoffs. He pushes Yagyuu off his neck. "You want me to drive it?" he asks.
Yagyuu blinks. "Maybe not," he says.
Niou grabs his bra. The baby starts to scream. Yagyuu reaches out to touch Niou's arm. He ends up with air instead.
***
Yagyuu goes to school. He eats lunch with Niou on the days Niou is there. He eats lunch alone on the days Niou isn't. He goes to cram school once or twice a week. Sometimes, he hesitates at the door of the cram school and wanders the gleaming neon shopping arcades instead: they call students out with flashing lights and electronic music, deals on karaoke booths and all-you-can-eat ramen.
Yukimura and Sanada practice tennis. Yagyuu walks past the courts. His sigh catches in a frosty cloud.
On days that Niou's mom is home, there isn't much for Yagyuu to do. Niou hands the baby to him. He stinks.
"Your turn to change him," Niou says.
Yagyuu bites back a frown. He does homework. Niou nurses. Niou does homework. Yagyuu plays with Hiromi. Rattles and squeaky toys do nothing. Hiromi screams. Niou grumbles. He pops a pain killer or three.
"Should you really-"Yagyuu stops himself.
The baby lies on his back on the floor. He wiggles, but he's not crawling yet. He flips onto his stomach after two or three attempts.
"You have a pen?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu opens his bag. A tennis ball rolls out. He reaches out to grab it but the baby is faster. He pulls himself up onto shaky knees and splats onto his stomach.
Yagyuu sucks in a breath. So does Niou.
The baby blinks.
Yagyuu doesn't breath. Niou touches his temple. He's cringing already.
The baby moves again. He reaches with chubby, unfocused fingers toward the ball. It's Yagyuu's turn to blink. He taps the ball to move it closer. The baby manages a crawl. A few inches feel like hours.
Hiromi holds the ball to his face. He gums the yellow felt and looks at Yagyuu with black eyes.
"Did you see that?" Yagyuu whispers.
Niou says nothing, but he nods. His eyes are the same: big and round.
Yagyuu's stomach dissolves. He looks at Niou. Finally, Niou breaks the gaze. His yawn is fake and forced. It's dusky outside and a peel of crimson light streams into his bedroom. His mom moves around the kitchen downstairs. The baby slimes the tennis ball.
Yagyuu sighs into the back of Niou's neck. His rat tail stirs. Niou has dyed his hair again and the strands melt in Yagyuu's fingers.
"Don't," Niou murmurs.
Arousal stirs in Yagyuu's belly. His dick is hard. When Niou squirms in his chair, Yagyuu's balls strain. He swallows. "Masaharu…" Yagyuu folds his glasses up and sets them on Niou's desk.
"Don't," Niou says. Yagyuu ignores the sharpness in his voice. He rubs his hands over Niou's sides. He can feel Niou's nipples stiffen through his shirt.
Niou pulls Yagyuu's hands off. He moans when Yagyuu pinches his nipples. Another "don't" dissolves into the ticking clock when Yagyuu kisses him. Niou kisses back. He opens his body and slides off the chair.
Yagyuu has a knee between Niou's. He has a hand in Niou's hair and the other on Niou's chest. Niou gasps. Yagyuu grunts. His dick throbs. His body is on fire. He shakes and kisses Niou. Saliva slides between their lips. Yagyuu undoes another button.
Something soft brushes his leg. Yagyuu looks down to see a tennis ball. He looks at the baby and his nose twitches.
"You can change him," Niou says.
***
His bedroom is cold and dark. Blue-tinted light creeps in through the curtains. Yagyuu stares at the ceiling. His toes are numb. His bed is too big. When he reaches out, he touches nothing but empty sheets.
Yagyuu shivers.
***
In Physics, other guys in his class are talking. Yagyuu listens. Across the room, Sanada is hunched over his desk. Yagyuu can see the outline of Sanada's bra strap through his uniform.
"Let's all go for ramen!" they say.
A year ago, they would have asked Yagyuu too. One boy glances to Yagyuu. Yagyuu ducks his dead. His face burns when he stands up to answer the worksheet. He purses his lips and sits back down.
Niou is here today. The stairwell is drafty. Niou wears a heavy sweater. His knees shake. Yagyuu rubs his hands together. The curry from the cafeteria is cold.
"We could sit somewhere else," Yagyuu says.
"It's fine," Niou says. His teeth chatter.
After school they walk home together. Yagyuu skips cram school. His mother never asks anymore. His father works the shifts that coincide when Yagyuu wakes up and goes to bed. Yagyuu can't remember when he last saw his sister.
"We could take the subway," Yagyuu offers.
"Don't have any money," Niou says. He cups his hands around his mouth and blows onto his mittens. Filmy frost grows on the black wool.
Yagyuu stops walking. Niou looks at him from the middle of the crosswalk.
"Gotta buy diapers and shit," Niou says.
Yagyuu says nothing.
The apartment blocks have an icy sharpness. Dull sunlight bounces off the windows. Lonely futons hang limp over balconies, frozen in place by the still winter air. Niou wraps his scarf around his head. He stops walking and pulls a stupid face.
"Look!" he says, "I'm a Paki!"
Yagyuu rolls his eyes. He laughs, but it's not really that funny. Niou snickers anyway. The sound almost makes Yagyuu smile.
"Is his crawling getting better?" Yagyuu asks.
They walk past a Starbucks. Music wafts out the doors as salarymen leave. There's an acoustic guitar and someone warbling. Yagyuu hopes it isn't Marui.
"You just saw him yesterday," Niou says.
"Maybe he's better today," Yagyuu says.
Niou makes a noise in the back of his throat. He squints into the shadows of a convenience store.
Yagyuu shuts his mouth.
Halfway to Niou's house, Niou's phone rings. Niou fumbles through his scarf and mittens. He says, "Shit" and Yagyuu's stomach drops.
***
"You know better than to leave things like that lying around!" Niou's mom shouts. Niou hangs his head. Yagyuu holds the baby. He's red-faced, but other than the stitches on his palm, he seems okay.
"You have a child!" she says. "Masaharu, you cannot have darts in your room! You cannot have anything that the baby can get into. You have to be responsible!"
Niou's head hangs lower.
Hiromi squirms in Yagyuu's arms. He makes little noises. His chin starts to wobble. Yagyuu moves him around. He tries to bounce the baby and say "Shhh!" Niou's mom isn't yelling at him; still, Yagyuu winces with Niou. He takes Hiromi's hand and kisses the back. It's clammy and hot. The stitches are black imperfections on the pink skin.
It's nearly midnight before Yagyuu gets home. The door is locked. He yawns. The strap of his bag digs into his shoulder. He closes the door behind himself and shuffles into his slippers. Yagyuu's footsteps echo as he crawls up to bed.
He sets his bag on the floor. His eyes droop and his glasses are nearly falling off his nose. Yagyuu peels off his school uniform. There's spittle on his shoulder and stewed peas on his tie. Frost paints patterns on his window. They glitter in the light before Yagyuu pulls the cord and huddles under his bed.
He sets his head on his pillow and remembers that he has a math test tomorrow morning.
Yagyuu crawls out of bed. He's too tired even to frown.
***
The Yanki dream isn’t so funny after all.
Yagyuu isn't a mechanic and Niou isn't at home with their baby in a cheap apartment outside Osaka that smells like mayonnaise. The reality is that they are two stupid teenagers with one big mistake between them. When Yagyuu sees the baby smile at him, guilt stabs him in the chest.
For a week or so after the accident, Niou's room is devoid of life. The dart board is gone. The pictures tacked to the wall disappear. Chipped white paint and holes are left. A bag of diapers replaces the comics that were on the shelf. All of the baby toys in bright primary colours move from the floor to Niou's desk, or Niou's window sill.
There is nothing of Niou here.
The baby sits in the middle of the floor. Hiromi makes big eyes at Yagyuu from under the helmet. There are gloves on his hands and Niou has stuffed him into a snowsuit. Outside, the frost is retreating to the shadows and alleys. The trees are pregnant with buds that are about to burst with green.
Niou gives Yagyuu a sheet of bubblewrap. He unrolls a length of fabric tape. It makes a loud ripping sound. Hiromi keeps staring at Yagyuu.
"Hold that against my desk leg," Niou says.
"What?" Yagyuu asks.
"Babyproofing," Niou says. He tacks the bubblewrap to the side of his desk. Niou stands back and rubs his chin. "Perfect."
"Isn't this a bit much?" Yagyuu asks.
Niou looks at him.
The baby falls backwards. His helmet thuds on the floor.
Niou pokes a bubble on his desk. "You may be right," he says.
***
Spring erupts in a burst of white ume blossoms, followed by the pink flush of sakura trees. Yagyuu thinks, This will be a new year.
He says "Good morning" to his mother. She purses her lips and turns away.
At night, Yagyuu's bed is still cold, but the frost has left the puddles on the sides of roads. The rain doesn’t cut as deep when the skies drizzle. Yagyuu walks to school and the sun warms his face.
The stairwell is warmer. Niou stops shivering. He slurps his milk tea with a straw.
"Are you going to play tennis?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu says he doesn't know.
"Are you?" he asks.
Niou shrugs. "Data man will. The chibi's probably pleased as punch to be with us again."
Yagyuu smiles. "Probably."
Two girls walk past. They eye Niou and raise their eyebrows at Yagyuu. Yagyuu listens to them. Niou is, too. He bristles. "Those two are the weirdos who had that kid. You know, the one who brought the baby to class one day…"
Yagyuu gives Niou his daikon pickles. His chopsticks clink the edge of Niou's bento.
"It was only the once," Niou says.
Yagyuu nods. His face feels hot. When he turns around, sunlight streams through the window. The cement doesn't feel as cold under his butt. Niou crunches on the pickles. His knees swing back and forth, but they don’t shake. He basks in the sunlight for a moment. The light hits the tips of his hair and turns it into a kaleidoscope of translucent colours. He breathes. His chest jiggles.
You're beautiful, Yagyuu says.
Niou cracks an eye open.
Yagyuu didn't realize he said it aloud
***
On a Saturday, Yagyuu buys three bentos from the department store. The pickles are dyed pink and cut into flowers. The lotus root slices look like lace over the gyudon. Yagyuu buys special sakura tea and cookies, too.
Niou meets him at the subway. Yagyuu waves. Niou nods. Yagyuu can't remember the last time they went on a date (have they ever? Before feels as unreal and fleeting as a dream).
The baby babbles in his stroller. Yagyuu gives him one of the cookies. Niou nods to the stroller. Yagyuu pushes it with one hand. With the other, he holds Niou's.
The park is packed. People stare. Niou ignores them, but his grip is sweatier. Yagyuu squeezes back. The crowd is thick enough that no one looks too long-the blossoms are too pretty. They float and dance on the air. They catch in Niou's hair. Hiromi chews on his cookie.
They picnic under the canopy of sakuras. Ducks waddle into the nearby pond. All around, people snap ephemeral photos. Yagyuu flips his cellphone out. Niou flashes v signs and bunny ears. He sticks his tongue out and rolls his eyes. The baby laughs. Yagyuu snaps picture after picture. The smiles are infectious. He laughs, and it feels good.
In Tokyo, everyone is in their own little world. Yagyuu leans back on the tarp. He pulls a novel out. It's dog-eared and the spine is broken. The pages fan from being dropped in the bathtub once. Niou plays with the baby on his lap. He leans over Yagyuu. The back of Yagyuu's neck prickles and he turns around to see Niou's big eyes, inches from his face.
"Good book?" he asks.
Yagyuu says it's all right. "There's a new book by the same author," he says. He doesn't say, I don't have the money for it.
Niou claps Hiromi's hands together in his own. Hiromi grins. Niou makes a crooked smile back at him. "Ne, Daddy?" Niou says.
"Hm?"
"Ask those people for a picture."
Yagyuu sets his book down. He looks at Niou. Niou points to a family sitting near them. Yagyuu's mouth hangs open.
"Come on," Niou says.
Yagyuu feels ill. The family has a range of kids, from a baby like Hiromi to a girl who looks to be in elementary school. The parents must be the same age as Yagyuu's. The mother's hand has a gleaming band on her wedding finger.
"Hiroooooshi," Niou drawls. He bats his lashes. Niou sighs. He touches the top of his breasts with one hand. The baby is balanced on Niou's lap as he hands Yagyuu his cellphone.
Yagyuu swallows hard bile. He bites his lip. The park is filled with the sound of people talking, eating, laughing. Niou has big, black eyes. His pout makes the mole on his chin scrunch up.
"Excuse me," Yagyuu says. The father looks at him. Yagyuu takes a deep breath. His head spins. "Excuse me, could you take a picture of my family?" Yagyuu asks.
He expects a double-take when he points to Niou and the baby. Yagyuu expects the father's eyes to widen and his lip to curl. "You're an embarrassment," he should say. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" Instead, the father says "One, two, three-cheese!" And he pushes the button.
He returns the cellphone with a smile. Yagyuu's shoulders sink. He bows his head and says thank you a third time.
Hiromi pulls at Yagyuu's sleeve. Niou yanks on Yagyuu's shoulder when he sits down again. "Let's see," Niou says.
Niou smirks. The baby has a gummy grin between them, broken by new teeth. Yagyuu looks at himself. He's not smiling, but there is a visible sign of relief. He leans into Niou's body. Niou is turned toward him. Petals float behind their heads. Beyond that, the tops of office towers break through the cascade of trees.
At night Yagyuu lies in bed and he looks at the photo Niou forwarded to his phone. Downstairs, his mother has fallen asleep in front of the tv. His sister is in bed. His father is at the hospital.
This is the first photograph of his family.
Yagyuu's throat closes up.
***
"Let's make this a good year," Yagyuu says.
Niou doesn't disagree.
His mom babysits the first day of school. Niou can pretend that nothing has changed. Jackal says hello in the hallways, and so does Yanagi and Yukimura. Marui rolls his eyes when he reads the class register-they're in the same class again.
It feels good to shoot spitballs at the back of Marui's head during Japanese literature. It feels good to snicker during English class when the ALT from America mixes up their grammar lesson. It feels good to leave the stairwell at lunch time. Niou sits with Yagyuu on the grass behind the school. Insects jump onto Niou's socks. Niou spreads his legs wide. He smirks. Yagyuu reads a novel. He's got a boner.
"Need help?" Niou murmurs. He touches Yagyuu's knee. He doesn't need to be home until six. The freedom makes Niou's head light enough to float away.
"Not yet," Yagyuu says.
Niou shrugs.
He goes to tennis practice, but he doesn't play. There is no point. Niou hangs around the courts. He watches Yagyuu run laps. Yagyuu plays with Kirihara-his volleys are slower than the chibi's, but when Yagyuu pushes sweaty hair back from his eyes, Niou sighs inside. When Yagyuu pushes his glasses up his nose, Niou's insides melt.
Yagyuu looks up during his serve. Niou nods to the storage shed.
Yagyuu bends Niou over a basket of balls. The tin walls are so thin that Niou can hear the grunts of the tennis team over the slap of their bodies. Yagyuu cups his breasts and Niou shakes. His body is tight and sensitized. The press of Yagyuu's warm, naked skin makes Niou moan. Yagyuu's hot thrusts make Niou mewl.
He comes first this time.
Urayama isn't outside hopping and waiting for balls. Yukimura doesn't find them.
Yagyuu pulls his shorts up. Niou ruffles his hair. He fixes Yagyuu's bent glasses for him. "Make the team, ne?" Niou says.
***
I made the regulars Yagyuu's text says.
Niou smiles. He sets his phone down and plays with the baby's toes. Hiromi wiggles on his lap. His fingers clutch Niou's breast tighter, clammy with sweat and milk and essence of baby.
"Yay for daddy," Niou says. He plays one little piggy with Hiromi's other foot. Hiromi bites down with his new teeth.
Niou screams, and the baby starts to scream too.
***
His mom can't-or won't-babysit every day. His sister can't-or won't-babysit on all of the other days.
"Puri," Niou says. He walks home at lunch. The house is empty. He feeds the baby and takes a piss. He eats cup ramen and watches tv when the baby naps. The salty broth climbs up his throat and burns. Niou horks a wad of mucus, but it doesn't help much. Just before four, Niou stuffs Hiromi into a jacket and baby booties. The baby pulls one off. Niou shrugs and stuffs him into the stroller as is.
They walk to school. Niou buys a comic from Familymart. He sits on one of the benches on the tennis courts. Hiromi makes noises. He claps. Niou finishes his comic-he gives it to the baby. The baby slimes the corners and chews on the spine.
Yagyuu is playing singles today against Marui. The sun is bright. It makes Niou's scalp crawl. He needs to dye his hair again. He never remembers about it at home, or anywhere near Matsumoto Kiyoshi's aisles of hair dye. Niou scratches the back of his neck.
Yagyuu runs across the court. He stretches high during his serves. He leans low when he for rising shots to counter Marui's lobs.
Right, Niou thinks. Yagyuu runs right a beat too late.
Left! Niou thinks. Yagyuu runs to the net instead. Marui takes another point. Niou blows a raspberry. Yagyuu looks over at him. Niou waves. Hiromi claps when Yagyuu walks over and smiles.
"Hi Hiromi," Yagyuu says. He crouches down and takes the comic away. "Books aren't for that," he says.
"You want to buy him toys?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu's smile thins.
"What's your score?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu picks the baby up. He looks confused when Yagyuu drapes him over his shoulder. Hiromi's hat hangs to the side. Yagyuu fixes it. Niou fakes a yawn when he leans back.
"Um…"
Jackal walks over. Niou touches his mole, but he makes no expression. Jackal bites his lip. He sets his racket down beside Niou. Maybe Niou doesn't have cooties anymore.
"Could I…" Jackal looks at Hiromi. Hiromi looks at him, hard. His hat slips again.
"Do you think I could…" Jackal lifts his head. Yagyuu raises his eyebrows. They both look at Niou.
"Not afraid of lepers anymore?" Niou asks.
Jackal forces a laugh. He rubs the back of his head. His hair is nearly as long as Marui's now. "Just curious, is all."
Niou says okay.
Jackal holds Hiromi. He laughs and pulls a face. He says something in Portuguese. Hiromi scrunches up his forehead. He looks like Yagyuu, but a little bit more constipated.
One by one, high school cheerleaders walk over, too. They coo and smile and touch Hiromi. They ask to hold him. They ooh and ahh and say, "He's so cute!"
Hiromi doesn't cry at all.
Yagyuu wins his game, 7-5.
***
Sanada says, "Don't bring your baby to practice. He's distracting the team."
Niou blinks. A crooked smile slides over his lips. "Eh?"
Sanada puffs his chest up. He folds his arms over his breasts when they heave. Niou snickers. The cheerleaders crowd around the stroller.
"You-you can't bring children here!" Sanada snaps. He balls his fist.
Niou picks the baby up. He holds Hiromi out. Hiromi squirms, then he hangs there.
Sanada stands there like an idiot. He's flustered and his skirt flutters.
"You want to hold him too?" Niou asks.
Sanada's mouth hangs open. It takes him a moment to say, "No".
Sanada stomps off. Niou shouts, "I just changed his diaper, too!"
***
They are naked and at Yagyuu's house. Niou hasn't been here in ages. Hiromi sits on the floor and plays with Yagyuu's tennis balls. Then, he plays with Yagyuu's golf balls. Niou drums his fingers on Yagyuu's chest. Yagyuu hums.
"You know," Niou says. He slings a leg over Yagyuu's thigh. His skin is damp and hot. Niou's heart keeps pounding. Faintly, his pussy throbs.
"I think Sanada's jealous," Niou says.
Underneath his belly, Yagyuu's dick stirs again. Yagyuu's lips roam over Niou's neck. Niou glances over his shoulder. The baby is pulling Yagyuu's tennis equipment from his bag. Niou kisses his smile into Yagyuu's lips. It's slow and steady, unlike the frantic hands that pulled the uniform from his body earlier.
Yagyuu grunts. "Does it matter?" He rolls on top of Niou. He presses his face between Niou's breasts. He licks the residue from Niou's nipples. Niou hisses.
Yagyuu fucks him again. Niou lets the matter drop. He moves under Yagyuu. He bucks up into Yagyuu's thrusts. His hands roam over Yagyuu's shoulders. The skin is slick.
Niou turns his head on the pillow. He watches the baby try to unzip Yagyuu's racket from the cover. Yagyuu pants in his ear. Niou doesn't realize Yagyuu comes until Yagyuu rolls onto his side.
Niou rolls away from Yagyuu. Dappled yellow light filters into the room. It dances over the walls. Niou looks at the window. "We should go," he says.
Yagyuu frowns. He puts his glasses on. He touches Niou's hip. He tugs on Niou's hand and strokes the skin on Niou's thigh. "Come back to bed for a little," Yagyuu whispers. "Please, Masaharu."
"You mother will be back soon," Niou says.
Hiromi unzips the racket and but it's too heavy for him to wave around.
***
Yagyuu works on his homework. He works on Niou's homework. There is a spread of textbooks and matching assignments on Niou's desk. Yagyuu is hunched over them. The pen scratches.
Niou feeds the baby. The baby does everything but suck. Niou's boobs ache. "Come on," he mutters. The baby stares at the ceiling. The baby stares out the window. Crows laugh at him. Laundry flutters on the line in the back. Niou pokes Hiromi in the stomach. Hiromi belches. There is spew on Niou's shirt.
Niou curls his lip. "Puri," he says. He leans over for a cloth and Hiromi latches on. He looks at Niou with big, black eyes that say What?
The pen makes pleasant scratches as Yagyuu works. Sometimes, he hums under his breath or looks up and chews on the end of the pen. Sometimes, Yagyuu looks at Niou blankly.
Niou puts the baby in the crib. It's wedged between his bookshelf and the doorway. He takes a piss. His stomach moves. Bile rises in his throat. Niou takes a swig of water. He swallows the bitterness.
Yagyuu doesn't look up. Niou hovers over his shoulder.
"That's not homework," he says.
Yagyuu stiffens. He stuffs the application under a textbook. Niou pulls it right back out.
"You're getting a job?" Niou asks. There is a logo on the top corner of the paper. "At a golf course?"
Yagyuu pushes his glasses up his nose. He frowns. Niou sits down on his futon-it's musty and it needs to be aired. In the crib, Hiromi stirs. Niou turns his head, but the noises aren't screams yet.
After a while, Yagyuu sets the application down. "Our parents can't pay for everything," he says.
"You think you'll get a good job without high school?" Niou asks. He clicks his tongue. He ruffles the back of his head. Hair falls in his eyes. "What about university, Yagyuu? You think you can do that if you're working now?" His voice rises. Niou's throat feels thick and his chin trembles. He hates this heavy feeling. He balls a fist and shakes.
"You think-"
"Fine!" Yagyuu snaps. He slams a textbook shut. The baby wakes up and starts to cry. Niou glares at him.
"Fine," Yagyuu says again. "I'll drop it."
Yagyuu goes home.
The baby cries all evening.
Niou curls against the toilet in the dead of night and pukes his guts out.
***
Niou takes the train to the furthest suburb that a few hundred yen will take him. Hiromi stares at the packed rows of houses and the scooters propped up in cracking parking lots. Niou buys a box of cookies at the convenience store and gives them to the baby.
He pushes the stroller into the pachinko parlour. The noise is so loud that Niou cannot hear anything. He sighs into the cacophony of rushing balls.
A manager stops him. "Are you old enough to be here?"
Niou smirks. The manager stares at his tits. Niou's cleavage heaves when he sighs. "Of course," he says. "I got a baby and all!"
The manager looks wary. He says "No children allowed."
Niou sighs again. "Just a little bit?"
The manager relents. Niou snickers. He sits in the first game he sees. Lights flash. Balls rush. No one looks at him. Hiromi gnaws on his cookies. He's teething.
Niou only has 1000 yen. He claps his hands and bows his head.
Come on, kami-sama!
The machine bursts with little metal balls. They rush into the trays and the screen flashes. Winner! Winner!
Niou plays again. He loses, loses, and then loses another five times.
On the eighth round, the balls pour out.
"Jackpot," Niou says.
Maybe his luck isn't so shit after all.
***
At school, Niou stuffs the notes into the slats of Yagyuu's locker. He goes to the bathroom, takes a piss, and walks back out.
Yagyuu stares at the yen that flutter around his feet.
"Happy…" Niou checks his cellphone, "Happy Children's Day, Yagyuu," he says. "Go buy yourself that new crime novel."
***
Jackal comes over. He sits on the tatami floor and plays pat-a-cake and jan-ken-po with Hiromi.
Niou says, "There's some old mochi in the kitchen."
Jackal says, "Why can’t your family watch him right now?"
Niou says, "My grandma's sick."
"So…you're skipping school and encouraging me to do the same thing because…?"
Niou sucks in a breath. Bile collects in his throat. He swallows and cocks his head. Niou forces himself to smirk. "It's fun…?" he offers.
"Cool," Jackal says. "Have fun at pachinko." Jackal sips his takeaway coffee and claps Hiromi's hands together again.
Niou pukes in a trash bin at the train station. A janitor asks him if he's okay. Niou says he's fine.
It's three stops away on the main line. Niou walks four blocks. He breathes through his mouth. His stomach hurts from dry heaves this morning. He has to pee again. His cellphone buzzes. Yagyuu is probably going to tennis practice this afternoon.
The sun is bright and it bounces off the roof of the building. This is the old foreigner's quarters. Niou can smell the fishy harbour. In the distance, gulls squawk as the freighters glide through the water.
The building is stone, not cement. There is a café across the road. It blends into the city, although the sign has pink lettering that says, "Women's Clinic."
Niou's hands are clammy when he pushes the door open.
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
"Do you ever feel like this is some sort of weird Yanki dream?"
Yagyuu peels his cheek off Niou's chest. Their bodies stink of sex. Yagyuu can't see Niou's expression, but he can feel Niou playing with his hair.
"What do you mean?" Yagyuu asks.
Niou sighs. His chest rises and falls and Yagyuu moves with it. He shifts. He inches up the futon to be closer to Niou's face. Nose to nose, he can see Niou's face.
"Think about it," Niou says. "All we're missing is a motorcycle."
Yagyuu blinks. He fumbles for his glasses. He doesn't remember where he put them and he can't see well enough to find them, either. Niou's naked chest distracts him. Yagyuu's dick is half-hard again. Niou rubs his breasts. He tweaks his nipples between his thumb and index finger until they stiffen. Milk beads, just a little. Yagyuu leans down and licks it off. He licks the side of Niou's breast all the way up to his armpit. Niou makes a contented noise.
"You want a motorcycle?" Yagyuu murmurs into Niou's jaw.
Niou makes another noise. He scoffs. He pushes Yagyuu off his neck. "You want me to drive it?" he asks.
Yagyuu blinks. "Maybe not," he says.
Niou grabs his bra. The baby starts to scream. Yagyuu reaches out to touch Niou's arm. He ends up with air instead.
***
Yagyuu goes to school. He eats lunch with Niou on the days Niou is there. He eats lunch alone on the days Niou isn't. He goes to cram school once or twice a week. Sometimes, he hesitates at the door of the cram school and wanders the gleaming neon shopping arcades instead: they call students out with flashing lights and electronic music, deals on karaoke booths and all-you-can-eat ramen.
Yukimura and Sanada practice tennis. Yagyuu walks past the courts. His sigh catches in a frosty cloud.
On days that Niou's mom is home, there isn't much for Yagyuu to do. Niou hands the baby to him. He stinks.
"Your turn to change him," Niou says.
Yagyuu bites back a frown. He does homework. Niou nurses. Niou does homework. Yagyuu plays with Hiromi. Rattles and squeaky toys do nothing. Hiromi screams. Niou grumbles. He pops a pain killer or three.
"Should you really-"Yagyuu stops himself.
The baby lies on his back on the floor. He wiggles, but he's not crawling yet. He flips onto his stomach after two or three attempts.
"You have a pen?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu opens his bag. A tennis ball rolls out. He reaches out to grab it but the baby is faster. He pulls himself up onto shaky knees and splats onto his stomach.
Yagyuu sucks in a breath. So does Niou.
The baby blinks.
Yagyuu doesn't breath. Niou touches his temple. He's cringing already.
The baby moves again. He reaches with chubby, unfocused fingers toward the ball. It's Yagyuu's turn to blink. He taps the ball to move it closer. The baby manages a crawl. A few inches feel like hours.
Hiromi holds the ball to his face. He gums the yellow felt and looks at Yagyuu with black eyes.
"Did you see that?" Yagyuu whispers.
Niou says nothing, but he nods. His eyes are the same: big and round.
Yagyuu's stomach dissolves. He looks at Niou. Finally, Niou breaks the gaze. His yawn is fake and forced. It's dusky outside and a peel of crimson light streams into his bedroom. His mom moves around the kitchen downstairs. The baby slimes the tennis ball.
Yagyuu sighs into the back of Niou's neck. His rat tail stirs. Niou has dyed his hair again and the strands melt in Yagyuu's fingers.
"Don't," Niou murmurs.
Arousal stirs in Yagyuu's belly. His dick is hard. When Niou squirms in his chair, Yagyuu's balls strain. He swallows. "Masaharu…" Yagyuu folds his glasses up and sets them on Niou's desk.
"Don't," Niou says. Yagyuu ignores the sharpness in his voice. He rubs his hands over Niou's sides. He can feel Niou's nipples stiffen through his shirt.
Niou pulls Yagyuu's hands off. He moans when Yagyuu pinches his nipples. Another "don't" dissolves into the ticking clock when Yagyuu kisses him. Niou kisses back. He opens his body and slides off the chair.
Yagyuu has a knee between Niou's. He has a hand in Niou's hair and the other on Niou's chest. Niou gasps. Yagyuu grunts. His dick throbs. His body is on fire. He shakes and kisses Niou. Saliva slides between their lips. Yagyuu undoes another button.
Something soft brushes his leg. Yagyuu looks down to see a tennis ball. He looks at the baby and his nose twitches.
"You can change him," Niou says.
***
His bedroom is cold and dark. Blue-tinted light creeps in through the curtains. Yagyuu stares at the ceiling. His toes are numb. His bed is too big. When he reaches out, he touches nothing but empty sheets.
Yagyuu shivers.
***
In Physics, other guys in his class are talking. Yagyuu listens. Across the room, Sanada is hunched over his desk. Yagyuu can see the outline of Sanada's bra strap through his uniform.
"Let's all go for ramen!" they say.
A year ago, they would have asked Yagyuu too. One boy glances to Yagyuu. Yagyuu ducks his dead. His face burns when he stands up to answer the worksheet. He purses his lips and sits back down.
Niou is here today. The stairwell is drafty. Niou wears a heavy sweater. His knees shake. Yagyuu rubs his hands together. The curry from the cafeteria is cold.
"We could sit somewhere else," Yagyuu says.
"It's fine," Niou says. His teeth chatter.
After school they walk home together. Yagyuu skips cram school. His mother never asks anymore. His father works the shifts that coincide when Yagyuu wakes up and goes to bed. Yagyuu can't remember when he last saw his sister.
"We could take the subway," Yagyuu offers.
"Don't have any money," Niou says. He cups his hands around his mouth and blows onto his mittens. Filmy frost grows on the black wool.
Yagyuu stops walking. Niou looks at him from the middle of the crosswalk.
"Gotta buy diapers and shit," Niou says.
Yagyuu says nothing.
The apartment blocks have an icy sharpness. Dull sunlight bounces off the windows. Lonely futons hang limp over balconies, frozen in place by the still winter air. Niou wraps his scarf around his head. He stops walking and pulls a stupid face.
"Look!" he says, "I'm a Paki!"
Yagyuu rolls his eyes. He laughs, but it's not really that funny. Niou snickers anyway. The sound almost makes Yagyuu smile.
"Is his crawling getting better?" Yagyuu asks.
They walk past a Starbucks. Music wafts out the doors as salarymen leave. There's an acoustic guitar and someone warbling. Yagyuu hopes it isn't Marui.
"You just saw him yesterday," Niou says.
"Maybe he's better today," Yagyuu says.
Niou makes a noise in the back of his throat. He squints into the shadows of a convenience store.
Yagyuu shuts his mouth.
Halfway to Niou's house, Niou's phone rings. Niou fumbles through his scarf and mittens. He says, "Shit" and Yagyuu's stomach drops.
***
"You know better than to leave things like that lying around!" Niou's mom shouts. Niou hangs his head. Yagyuu holds the baby. He's red-faced, but other than the stitches on his palm, he seems okay.
"You have a child!" she says. "Masaharu, you cannot have darts in your room! You cannot have anything that the baby can get into. You have to be responsible!"
Niou's head hangs lower.
Hiromi squirms in Yagyuu's arms. He makes little noises. His chin starts to wobble. Yagyuu moves him around. He tries to bounce the baby and say "Shhh!" Niou's mom isn't yelling at him; still, Yagyuu winces with Niou. He takes Hiromi's hand and kisses the back. It's clammy and hot. The stitches are black imperfections on the pink skin.
It's nearly midnight before Yagyuu gets home. The door is locked. He yawns. The strap of his bag digs into his shoulder. He closes the door behind himself and shuffles into his slippers. Yagyuu's footsteps echo as he crawls up to bed.
He sets his bag on the floor. His eyes droop and his glasses are nearly falling off his nose. Yagyuu peels off his school uniform. There's spittle on his shoulder and stewed peas on his tie. Frost paints patterns on his window. They glitter in the light before Yagyuu pulls the cord and huddles under his bed.
He sets his head on his pillow and remembers that he has a math test tomorrow morning.
Yagyuu crawls out of bed. He's too tired even to frown.
***
The Yanki dream isn’t so funny after all.
Yagyuu isn't a mechanic and Niou isn't at home with their baby in a cheap apartment outside Osaka that smells like mayonnaise. The reality is that they are two stupid teenagers with one big mistake between them. When Yagyuu sees the baby smile at him, guilt stabs him in the chest.
For a week or so after the accident, Niou's room is devoid of life. The dart board is gone. The pictures tacked to the wall disappear. Chipped white paint and holes are left. A bag of diapers replaces the comics that were on the shelf. All of the baby toys in bright primary colours move from the floor to Niou's desk, or Niou's window sill.
There is nothing of Niou here.
The baby sits in the middle of the floor. Hiromi makes big eyes at Yagyuu from under the helmet. There are gloves on his hands and Niou has stuffed him into a snowsuit. Outside, the frost is retreating to the shadows and alleys. The trees are pregnant with buds that are about to burst with green.
Niou gives Yagyuu a sheet of bubblewrap. He unrolls a length of fabric tape. It makes a loud ripping sound. Hiromi keeps staring at Yagyuu.
"Hold that against my desk leg," Niou says.
"What?" Yagyuu asks.
"Babyproofing," Niou says. He tacks the bubblewrap to the side of his desk. Niou stands back and rubs his chin. "Perfect."
"Isn't this a bit much?" Yagyuu asks.
Niou looks at him.
The baby falls backwards. His helmet thuds on the floor.
Niou pokes a bubble on his desk. "You may be right," he says.
***
Spring erupts in a burst of white ume blossoms, followed by the pink flush of sakura trees. Yagyuu thinks, This will be a new year.
He says "Good morning" to his mother. She purses her lips and turns away.
At night, Yagyuu's bed is still cold, but the frost has left the puddles on the sides of roads. The rain doesn’t cut as deep when the skies drizzle. Yagyuu walks to school and the sun warms his face.
The stairwell is warmer. Niou stops shivering. He slurps his milk tea with a straw.
"Are you going to play tennis?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu says he doesn't know.
"Are you?" he asks.
Niou shrugs. "Data man will. The chibi's probably pleased as punch to be with us again."
Yagyuu smiles. "Probably."
Two girls walk past. They eye Niou and raise their eyebrows at Yagyuu. Yagyuu listens to them. Niou is, too. He bristles. "Those two are the weirdos who had that kid. You know, the one who brought the baby to class one day…"
Yagyuu gives Niou his daikon pickles. His chopsticks clink the edge of Niou's bento.
"It was only the once," Niou says.
Yagyuu nods. His face feels hot. When he turns around, sunlight streams through the window. The cement doesn't feel as cold under his butt. Niou crunches on the pickles. His knees swing back and forth, but they don’t shake. He basks in the sunlight for a moment. The light hits the tips of his hair and turns it into a kaleidoscope of translucent colours. He breathes. His chest jiggles.
You're beautiful, Yagyuu says.
Niou cracks an eye open.
Yagyuu didn't realize he said it aloud
***
On a Saturday, Yagyuu buys three bentos from the department store. The pickles are dyed pink and cut into flowers. The lotus root slices look like lace over the gyudon. Yagyuu buys special sakura tea and cookies, too.
Niou meets him at the subway. Yagyuu waves. Niou nods. Yagyuu can't remember the last time they went on a date (have they ever? Before feels as unreal and fleeting as a dream).
The baby babbles in his stroller. Yagyuu gives him one of the cookies. Niou nods to the stroller. Yagyuu pushes it with one hand. With the other, he holds Niou's.
The park is packed. People stare. Niou ignores them, but his grip is sweatier. Yagyuu squeezes back. The crowd is thick enough that no one looks too long-the blossoms are too pretty. They float and dance on the air. They catch in Niou's hair. Hiromi chews on his cookie.
They picnic under the canopy of sakuras. Ducks waddle into the nearby pond. All around, people snap ephemeral photos. Yagyuu flips his cellphone out. Niou flashes v signs and bunny ears. He sticks his tongue out and rolls his eyes. The baby laughs. Yagyuu snaps picture after picture. The smiles are infectious. He laughs, and it feels good.
In Tokyo, everyone is in their own little world. Yagyuu leans back on the tarp. He pulls a novel out. It's dog-eared and the spine is broken. The pages fan from being dropped in the bathtub once. Niou plays with the baby on his lap. He leans over Yagyuu. The back of Yagyuu's neck prickles and he turns around to see Niou's big eyes, inches from his face.
"Good book?" he asks.
Yagyuu says it's all right. "There's a new book by the same author," he says. He doesn't say, I don't have the money for it.
Niou claps Hiromi's hands together in his own. Hiromi grins. Niou makes a crooked smile back at him. "Ne, Daddy?" Niou says.
"Hm?"
"Ask those people for a picture."
Yagyuu sets his book down. He looks at Niou. Niou points to a family sitting near them. Yagyuu's mouth hangs open.
"Come on," Niou says.
Yagyuu feels ill. The family has a range of kids, from a baby like Hiromi to a girl who looks to be in elementary school. The parents must be the same age as Yagyuu's. The mother's hand has a gleaming band on her wedding finger.
"Hiroooooshi," Niou drawls. He bats his lashes. Niou sighs. He touches the top of his breasts with one hand. The baby is balanced on Niou's lap as he hands Yagyuu his cellphone.
Yagyuu swallows hard bile. He bites his lip. The park is filled with the sound of people talking, eating, laughing. Niou has big, black eyes. His pout makes the mole on his chin scrunch up.
"Excuse me," Yagyuu says. The father looks at him. Yagyuu takes a deep breath. His head spins. "Excuse me, could you take a picture of my family?" Yagyuu asks.
He expects a double-take when he points to Niou and the baby. Yagyuu expects the father's eyes to widen and his lip to curl. "You're an embarrassment," he should say. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" Instead, the father says "One, two, three-cheese!" And he pushes the button.
He returns the cellphone with a smile. Yagyuu's shoulders sink. He bows his head and says thank you a third time.
Hiromi pulls at Yagyuu's sleeve. Niou yanks on Yagyuu's shoulder when he sits down again. "Let's see," Niou says.
Niou smirks. The baby has a gummy grin between them, broken by new teeth. Yagyuu looks at himself. He's not smiling, but there is a visible sign of relief. He leans into Niou's body. Niou is turned toward him. Petals float behind their heads. Beyond that, the tops of office towers break through the cascade of trees.
At night Yagyuu lies in bed and he looks at the photo Niou forwarded to his phone. Downstairs, his mother has fallen asleep in front of the tv. His sister is in bed. His father is at the hospital.
This is the first photograph of his family.
Yagyuu's throat closes up.
***
"Let's make this a good year," Yagyuu says.
Niou doesn't disagree.
His mom babysits the first day of school. Niou can pretend that nothing has changed. Jackal says hello in the hallways, and so does Yanagi and Yukimura. Marui rolls his eyes when he reads the class register-they're in the same class again.
It feels good to shoot spitballs at the back of Marui's head during Japanese literature. It feels good to snicker during English class when the ALT from America mixes up their grammar lesson. It feels good to leave the stairwell at lunch time. Niou sits with Yagyuu on the grass behind the school. Insects jump onto Niou's socks. Niou spreads his legs wide. He smirks. Yagyuu reads a novel. He's got a boner.
"Need help?" Niou murmurs. He touches Yagyuu's knee. He doesn't need to be home until six. The freedom makes Niou's head light enough to float away.
"Not yet," Yagyuu says.
Niou shrugs.
He goes to tennis practice, but he doesn't play. There is no point. Niou hangs around the courts. He watches Yagyuu run laps. Yagyuu plays with Kirihara-his volleys are slower than the chibi's, but when Yagyuu pushes sweaty hair back from his eyes, Niou sighs inside. When Yagyuu pushes his glasses up his nose, Niou's insides melt.
Yagyuu looks up during his serve. Niou nods to the storage shed.
Yagyuu bends Niou over a basket of balls. The tin walls are so thin that Niou can hear the grunts of the tennis team over the slap of their bodies. Yagyuu cups his breasts and Niou shakes. His body is tight and sensitized. The press of Yagyuu's warm, naked skin makes Niou moan. Yagyuu's hot thrusts make Niou mewl.
He comes first this time.
Urayama isn't outside hopping and waiting for balls. Yukimura doesn't find them.
Yagyuu pulls his shorts up. Niou ruffles his hair. He fixes Yagyuu's bent glasses for him. "Make the team, ne?" Niou says.
***
I made the regulars Yagyuu's text says.
Niou smiles. He sets his phone down and plays with the baby's toes. Hiromi wiggles on his lap. His fingers clutch Niou's breast tighter, clammy with sweat and milk and essence of baby.
"Yay for daddy," Niou says. He plays one little piggy with Hiromi's other foot. Hiromi bites down with his new teeth.
Niou screams, and the baby starts to scream too.
***
His mom can't-or won't-babysit every day. His sister can't-or won't-babysit on all of the other days.
"Puri," Niou says. He walks home at lunch. The house is empty. He feeds the baby and takes a piss. He eats cup ramen and watches tv when the baby naps. The salty broth climbs up his throat and burns. Niou horks a wad of mucus, but it doesn't help much. Just before four, Niou stuffs Hiromi into a jacket and baby booties. The baby pulls one off. Niou shrugs and stuffs him into the stroller as is.
They walk to school. Niou buys a comic from Familymart. He sits on one of the benches on the tennis courts. Hiromi makes noises. He claps. Niou finishes his comic-he gives it to the baby. The baby slimes the corners and chews on the spine.
Yagyuu is playing singles today against Marui. The sun is bright. It makes Niou's scalp crawl. He needs to dye his hair again. He never remembers about it at home, or anywhere near Matsumoto Kiyoshi's aisles of hair dye. Niou scratches the back of his neck.
Yagyuu runs across the court. He stretches high during his serves. He leans low when he for rising shots to counter Marui's lobs.
Right, Niou thinks. Yagyuu runs right a beat too late.
Left! Niou thinks. Yagyuu runs to the net instead. Marui takes another point. Niou blows a raspberry. Yagyuu looks over at him. Niou waves. Hiromi claps when Yagyuu walks over and smiles.
"Hi Hiromi," Yagyuu says. He crouches down and takes the comic away. "Books aren't for that," he says.
"You want to buy him toys?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu's smile thins.
"What's your score?" Niou asks.
Yagyuu picks the baby up. He looks confused when Yagyuu drapes him over his shoulder. Hiromi's hat hangs to the side. Yagyuu fixes it. Niou fakes a yawn when he leans back.
"Um…"
Jackal walks over. Niou touches his mole, but he makes no expression. Jackal bites his lip. He sets his racket down beside Niou. Maybe Niou doesn't have cooties anymore.
"Could I…" Jackal looks at Hiromi. Hiromi looks at him, hard. His hat slips again.
"Do you think I could…" Jackal lifts his head. Yagyuu raises his eyebrows. They both look at Niou.
"Not afraid of lepers anymore?" Niou asks.
Jackal forces a laugh. He rubs the back of his head. His hair is nearly as long as Marui's now. "Just curious, is all."
Niou says okay.
Jackal holds Hiromi. He laughs and pulls a face. He says something in Portuguese. Hiromi scrunches up his forehead. He looks like Yagyuu, but a little bit more constipated.
One by one, high school cheerleaders walk over, too. They coo and smile and touch Hiromi. They ask to hold him. They ooh and ahh and say, "He's so cute!"
Hiromi doesn't cry at all.
Yagyuu wins his game, 7-5.
***
Sanada says, "Don't bring your baby to practice. He's distracting the team."
Niou blinks. A crooked smile slides over his lips. "Eh?"
Sanada puffs his chest up. He folds his arms over his breasts when they heave. Niou snickers. The cheerleaders crowd around the stroller.
"You-you can't bring children here!" Sanada snaps. He balls his fist.
Niou picks the baby up. He holds Hiromi out. Hiromi squirms, then he hangs there.
Sanada stands there like an idiot. He's flustered and his skirt flutters.
"You want to hold him too?" Niou asks.
Sanada's mouth hangs open. It takes him a moment to say, "No".
Sanada stomps off. Niou shouts, "I just changed his diaper, too!"
***
They are naked and at Yagyuu's house. Niou hasn't been here in ages. Hiromi sits on the floor and plays with Yagyuu's tennis balls. Then, he plays with Yagyuu's golf balls. Niou drums his fingers on Yagyuu's chest. Yagyuu hums.
"You know," Niou says. He slings a leg over Yagyuu's thigh. His skin is damp and hot. Niou's heart keeps pounding. Faintly, his pussy throbs.
"I think Sanada's jealous," Niou says.
Underneath his belly, Yagyuu's dick stirs again. Yagyuu's lips roam over Niou's neck. Niou glances over his shoulder. The baby is pulling Yagyuu's tennis equipment from his bag. Niou kisses his smile into Yagyuu's lips. It's slow and steady, unlike the frantic hands that pulled the uniform from his body earlier.
Yagyuu grunts. "Does it matter?" He rolls on top of Niou. He presses his face between Niou's breasts. He licks the residue from Niou's nipples. Niou hisses.
Yagyuu fucks him again. Niou lets the matter drop. He moves under Yagyuu. He bucks up into Yagyuu's thrusts. His hands roam over Yagyuu's shoulders. The skin is slick.
Niou turns his head on the pillow. He watches the baby try to unzip Yagyuu's racket from the cover. Yagyuu pants in his ear. Niou doesn't realize Yagyuu comes until Yagyuu rolls onto his side.
Niou rolls away from Yagyuu. Dappled yellow light filters into the room. It dances over the walls. Niou looks at the window. "We should go," he says.
Yagyuu frowns. He puts his glasses on. He touches Niou's hip. He tugs on Niou's hand and strokes the skin on Niou's thigh. "Come back to bed for a little," Yagyuu whispers. "Please, Masaharu."
"You mother will be back soon," Niou says.
Hiromi unzips the racket and but it's too heavy for him to wave around.
***
Yagyuu works on his homework. He works on Niou's homework. There is a spread of textbooks and matching assignments on Niou's desk. Yagyuu is hunched over them. The pen scratches.
Niou feeds the baby. The baby does everything but suck. Niou's boobs ache. "Come on," he mutters. The baby stares at the ceiling. The baby stares out the window. Crows laugh at him. Laundry flutters on the line in the back. Niou pokes Hiromi in the stomach. Hiromi belches. There is spew on Niou's shirt.
Niou curls his lip. "Puri," he says. He leans over for a cloth and Hiromi latches on. He looks at Niou with big, black eyes that say What?
The pen makes pleasant scratches as Yagyuu works. Sometimes, he hums under his breath or looks up and chews on the end of the pen. Sometimes, Yagyuu looks at Niou blankly.
Niou puts the baby in the crib. It's wedged between his bookshelf and the doorway. He takes a piss. His stomach moves. Bile rises in his throat. Niou takes a swig of water. He swallows the bitterness.
Yagyuu doesn't look up. Niou hovers over his shoulder.
"That's not homework," he says.
Yagyuu stiffens. He stuffs the application under a textbook. Niou pulls it right back out.
"You're getting a job?" Niou asks. There is a logo on the top corner of the paper. "At a golf course?"
Yagyuu pushes his glasses up his nose. He frowns. Niou sits down on his futon-it's musty and it needs to be aired. In the crib, Hiromi stirs. Niou turns his head, but the noises aren't screams yet.
After a while, Yagyuu sets the application down. "Our parents can't pay for everything," he says.
"You think you'll get a good job without high school?" Niou asks. He clicks his tongue. He ruffles the back of his head. Hair falls in his eyes. "What about university, Yagyuu? You think you can do that if you're working now?" His voice rises. Niou's throat feels thick and his chin trembles. He hates this heavy feeling. He balls a fist and shakes.
"You think-"
"Fine!" Yagyuu snaps. He slams a textbook shut. The baby wakes up and starts to cry. Niou glares at him.
"Fine," Yagyuu says again. "I'll drop it."
Yagyuu goes home.
The baby cries all evening.
Niou curls against the toilet in the dead of night and pukes his guts out.
***
Niou takes the train to the furthest suburb that a few hundred yen will take him. Hiromi stares at the packed rows of houses and the scooters propped up in cracking parking lots. Niou buys a box of cookies at the convenience store and gives them to the baby.
He pushes the stroller into the pachinko parlour. The noise is so loud that Niou cannot hear anything. He sighs into the cacophony of rushing balls.
A manager stops him. "Are you old enough to be here?"
Niou smirks. The manager stares at his tits. Niou's cleavage heaves when he sighs. "Of course," he says. "I got a baby and all!"
The manager looks wary. He says "No children allowed."
Niou sighs again. "Just a little bit?"
The manager relents. Niou snickers. He sits in the first game he sees. Lights flash. Balls rush. No one looks at him. Hiromi gnaws on his cookies. He's teething.
Niou only has 1000 yen. He claps his hands and bows his head.
Come on, kami-sama!
The machine bursts with little metal balls. They rush into the trays and the screen flashes. Winner! Winner!
Niou plays again. He loses, loses, and then loses another five times.
On the eighth round, the balls pour out.
"Jackpot," Niou says.
Maybe his luck isn't so shit after all.
***
At school, Niou stuffs the notes into the slats of Yagyuu's locker. He goes to the bathroom, takes a piss, and walks back out.
Yagyuu stares at the yen that flutter around his feet.
"Happy…" Niou checks his cellphone, "Happy Children's Day, Yagyuu," he says. "Go buy yourself that new crime novel."
***
Jackal comes over. He sits on the tatami floor and plays pat-a-cake and jan-ken-po with Hiromi.
Niou says, "There's some old mochi in the kitchen."
Jackal says, "Why can’t your family watch him right now?"
Niou says, "My grandma's sick."
"So…you're skipping school and encouraging me to do the same thing because…?"
Niou sucks in a breath. Bile collects in his throat. He swallows and cocks his head. Niou forces himself to smirk. "It's fun…?" he offers.
"Cool," Jackal says. "Have fun at pachinko." Jackal sips his takeaway coffee and claps Hiromi's hands together again.
Niou pukes in a trash bin at the train station. A janitor asks him if he's okay. Niou says he's fine.
It's three stops away on the main line. Niou walks four blocks. He breathes through his mouth. His stomach hurts from dry heaves this morning. He has to pee again. His cellphone buzzes. Yagyuu is probably going to tennis practice this afternoon.
The sun is bright and it bounces off the roof of the building. This is the old foreigner's quarters. Niou can smell the fishy harbour. In the distance, gulls squawk as the freighters glide through the water.
The building is stone, not cement. There is a café across the road. It blends into the city, although the sign has pink lettering that says, "Women's Clinic."
Niou's hands are clammy when he pushes the door open.