FIC: Push/Pull, Yagyuu/Niou, NC17 (3/14)
Title: Push/Pull (3/14)
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
Niou-kun comes back to school on a Tuesday. Summer holidays are over, but it is still hot. The trees are limp with the pregnant haze of September. Yagyuu's shirt collar is wet with sweat. He meets Niou at the train station.
Niou has bags under his eyes. His chest is swollen. There are other students around in Rikkai Dai uniforms, so Yagyuu doesn't rub Niou's shoulders. He looks at Niou. Are you okay?
Niou stares at him with blank eyes. Then he yawns loudly.
Everyone knows about Niou. He's not like Yanagi, who can glide through school with a self-satisfied little smile on the days he shows up-part-time right now. Niou reacts to each and every whisper. He reacts to each and every frown, and stare and point. The lack of sleep has beaten his defenses down. The closer they walk to school, the slower Niou becomes.
"Did you have breakfast?" Yagyuu asks. It is the first thing he has said this morning.
Niou nods. "Omelet rice."
Yagyuu nods too. They descend into an awkward sort of silence. Yagyuu doesn't know what else to say. He could talk about the baby. He could talk about the little notes slipped through his locker slats yesterday. Yagyuu thinks about the words and his face heats up. Maybe it was good Niou didn't come to school yesterday.
They have tennis practice. Yukimura says nothing. Niou sits on the bench. His mask falls into place. Only Yagyuu notices the lines around Niou's eyes and the strain in his mouth. Niou smirks and rolls his eyes. He calls Marui fat and he jokes about Jackal's lesbian summer romance.
"Did she give good head?" Niou asks. He leans back on the bench.
Jackal's hairline twitches. He leans on his racket. Jackal gives Niou a long look and whispers something in Portuguese under his breath. The word for "idiot" is universal.
Yagyuu tries to play a game with Yanagi. He keeps watching Niou out of the corner of his eye. Niou changes positions on the bench. He won't stay still. His legs are up against his chest, then planted wide on the ground. He lies down, then he sits up. Niou's eyes flicker over the court. His lips thin out. They are colourless and grey. The sun is hot and fierce. Yagyuu's skin melts.
But Niou is pale. His cheeks are thinner, although his chest is bigger, rounder. He yells out to Yanagi as Yanagi is about to serve.
"How's the breast pump working for you, Data Man?"
The ball drops onto the court. It bounces once and rolls past Yanagi's feet. Yagyuu stiffens. At any other time, he would reprimand Niou. Now, he's caught between Yanagi's slitted eyes and Niou's feigned smirk.
"How's yours?" Yanagi asks.
"Burn!" Marui whispers. He stands somewhere behind Yagyuu. No one serves.
Niou is deathly still. He snorts, but the blasé facade leaves him.
In the change rooms, the team whispers around Yagyuu. Although he stands at his locker, he's invisible. He takes his t-shirt off. The breath he holds is naked. His glasses slip down his nose. The air is thick.
"How can someone like that be so obnoxious? He's the laughing stock…"
Yagyuu clenches his jaw.
"-see him just sitting there at practice?"
"An embarrassment!"
Yagyuu's eye twitches.
"I am standing right here," he whispers. He tries to speak louder, but his voice doesn't work properly. Yagyuu stuffs his tennis clothes into his locker. He grabs his bags and he rushes out. The clubhouse was stifling. Outside, the atmosphere is just as thick. It's hard to breath. Yagyuu sucks in hard.
Niou is missing.
Yagyuu asks Jackal. "Have you seen Niou?"
Jackal crosses his arms over his chest. He shifts his eyes right, then left. "No," he says slowly. "In the bathroom, maybe? Have you seen Bunta?"
Yagyuu can't remember. "In the change room," he lies.
"Let's walk to class," Jackal says.
***
At lunch time, Yagyuu buys two eel bento set meals at the cafeteria, to go. He buys two milk teas and a Calpis in the vending machine. Yagyuu carries the tray of food up to the third floor.
He sent Niou a text message during second period. Meet me in classroom 1A. It’s Yagyuu's classroom. Sometimes Sanada sits there and eats lunch. Usually, there is no one else besides Yagyuu and a handful of freshman girls in his class. They duck their heads over textbooks. They won't bother Niou.
Yagyuu sets the food out on his desk. He arranges the set meals in mirror fashion and places the two milk teas at the top corner of the tray across his desk. He checks his watch. He waits. He checks his cellphone.
Niou doesn't come.
Yagyuu asks the girl in his class with the wire rim glasses. "Excuse me, Nishito-san, have you seen Niou-kun from 1B?"
Nishito-san blinks. She looks at Yagyuu as if he has three eyes. "Why would I have seen…"
Her friends start to giggle.
"Her…him…your…" Nishito starts to snicker too. She hides her laugher behind her hand, but the sound crackles in the air.
Yagyuu's mouth goes dry. Fuck you! he thinks. The voice inside his mind sounds like Niou, or himself as Niou. Yagyuu runs down the corridor. His shoes slap on the hard linoleum. At this hour, everyone is in the cafeteria, or outside on the benches near the north gate.
Classroom 1B is empty except for Marui. He sits on a desk with a guitar on his lap. "Jackal," he sings as he strums. "Jackal you should go out with me…"
The cords follow Yagyuu into the hallway as he runs past the vending machines.
"What an awesome boyfriend I'd be…"
Yagyuu checks two more classrooms. Nothing.
"Jackal, open your cocoa eyes and see…"
Yagyuu slides the door to the washitsu open. Sanada looks at him. The side of his neck looks slimy and bruised. Yukimura sits up from his sprawl across the tatami. Yagyuu closes the door just as quickly.
"Please go out with meeeee!"
Yagyuu stops at the end of the hallway. He looks out across the roof. It is a sea of black tar paper. Students and the cement ledge break of the view. Niou is not there either. Yagyuu starts to sink against the wall. His clammy hands catch on the fliers tacked up.
Then he hears the distinct sound of sniffling. He stands up straight. Down the hallway is the girls' washroom. Yagyuu knocks on the swing door. It creaks. The sniffling stops.
Into the quiet, Yagyuu asks, "Niou-kun?"
There is a pause, then a toilet flushes. Yagyuu listens as a tap runs. Footsteps come closer to the door. Yagyuu steps back.
Niou looks at him. His face is dripping at the sides. His eyes are red, but the familiar cock to his chin is there. Niou says, "Yaaaa-gyuu?" It's not very convincing when his voice breaks mid-syllable.
Yagyuu's chest aches. He touches Niou's arm. Niou jerks back.
"Come and eat lunch," Yagyuu says. He looks at Niou. Please.
Niou avoids the look. He side-steps around Yagyuu. "It's all right," he says. Niou has no pants pockets to stuff his hands into. Instead, he uses his cardigan. An index finger sticks out through a hole at the hem. "Not really hungry."
"Please," Yagyuu says.
Niou walks away.
Yagyuu balls his fist. "Niou-kun!" he snaps.
The fliers tacked to the walls rustle. So do the ends of Niou's hair.
Niou stops walking. The papers stop moving and then Niou shouts, "I said 'I'm not hungry!'"
Yagyuu catches Niou when his legs start to stumble.
They eat lunch in the alcove next to the stairs beside the library. Niou eats his entire set meal and half of Yagyuu's. Yagyuu's stomach growls all afternoon, but he doesn't mind.
***
In the evenings, Yagyuu comes over to Niou's house. Niou's house is smaller and louder and homey. It's tense, but nothing like the marble silences and cold glares from his mother. Yagyuu is more than happy for Niou's mom's small frowns and Niou's dad asking him what he'll do, what job he'll take and how the heck two dumb kids can take care of a baby.
Niou's mom cooks better food, too.
They sit in Niou's bedroom. The aftertaste of watermelon lingers in Yagyuu's mouth. It mixes with the soba and tempura from supper. Niou lies on his futon. The baby is curled up between his breasts.
Yagyuu leans back against the leg of Niou's desk chair. He stretches his legs out and pokes Niou in the knee with his toes. Niou cracks an eye open.
Yagyuu flips his cellphone out. Niou makes a face, but for a picture, it's perfect.
"Do you think he'll smile soon?" Niou murmurs. He looks down at Hiromi. He touches the soft down on the top of the baby's head. Hiromi seems balder than ever, although there is a turf of black hair on the one side. Yagyuu likes to touch it. It is silken under his fingertips.
Yagyuu hums. He nods and looks out Niou's window. The reflection of three of them paints the glass. The window frames it as a photo. Yagyuu smiles.
***
Niou doesn't come to school every day.
Yagyuu waits in the stairwell near classroom 1A. The cross breeze isn't very good here. Yagyuu dabs at the sweat on the back of his neck with his handkerchief. He scrunches it up, then folds it back up. At the sound of footsteps, he looks up.
It isn't Niou.
He eats his bento alone. Yagyuu spends his bus money on a coke from the vending machine. After classes finish, he walks to Niou's house.
At the end of the street, Yagyuu cringes. He can hear the sound of a baby crying. It grows louder as he walks closer. Niou's mom opens the door. Hair springs out from her clip. She half-smiles at Yagyuu a little. The baby drowns out her words.
Yagyuu thanks her. Niou is in his room. He is sitting on a cushion on his floor. His breast hangs out of his bra, but the baby isn't sucking. Yagyuu closes the door. Niou doesn't look up.
"Are you okay?" Yagyuu asks. He kneels down beside Niou. Yagyuu holds his arms out. Niou doesn't hand the baby over.
Slowly, Niou turns his head. Yagyuu thinks about the ghost movie that Marui wanted to take Jackal to. Niou turns his head 180 degrees. His lips and skin are white. His eyes are red and rimmed with purple. His hair sticks up. Phantom tendrils catch in the humid air.
Niou hands the baby over. He pulls his bra back up. "Don't look," he says. Yagyuu has already looked.
"Are you okay?" Yagyuu doesn't know how to phrase, "You nipple is cracking" in a polite way. His eyes drift across the room. There are diapers and baby clothes. There is a breast pump on Niou's desk next to a jar of cream. The label says Nipple Cream. Yagyuu says nothing. Hiromi screams and squirms in his arms. Yagyuu bounces him. Yagyuu rocks back and forth.
"Is he always like this?" Yagyuu asks. He feels guilty because there is nothing he can do. He wants to ask Niou about school. He wants to tell Niou to leave the baby here with Niou's mom and come to classes with him.
Niou glares at Yagyuu. It's answer enough.
***
Luckily, Yagyuu is good at pretending to be Niou. He yawns. The clock reads half past two. He scribbles 'Niou Masaharu' at the top of the assignment sheet.
Yagyuu messages Niou. I finished your homework. He flips his cellphone closed. It vibrates.
"You're awake," he murmurs.
i had homework?
Yes. Why are you up? Please go to bed.
y do u think?
Yagyuu flops down on his bed. He stares at the LCD screen on his phone. The background swims. Niou's face swirls and wavers. Yagyuu rubs the bridge of his nose. He yawns again.
His phone vibrates with one last message. There is a picture attached to the simple word look
A sleeping baby.
Yagyuu's chest feels tight. "Good night," he whispers.
***
They are walking through the park together. Yagyuu told his mother he was going to cram school. In truth, he hasn't been to cram school in weeks. It's easier that way.
It is a Sunday afternoon. Autumn has settled in. The sky is a grey-ish sort that can't decide if it wants to rain or not. The first leaves crunch under the wheels of the stroller.
At the supermarket, Yagyuu found the final two packages of tokoroten jelly. They were hidden behind fresh tofu. Yagyuu carries them in a plastic bag hanging at his elbow.
Niou walks slowly. He pushes the stroller and says nothing. The black roots of his hair are growing longer. The baby makes a noise. Niou stops. He squats down and looks in the stroller.
"Still asleep," Niou says. Yagyuu looks down. Hiromi is bundled up in hand-me-downs, and a blue knit hat. Yagyuu wonders if Niou wore that same hat fifteen years ago.
In a few weeks it will be Niou's birthday.
They walk and say nothing. The clouds drift across the sky. The sun never peeks out. It's cold enough now that Yagyuu is glad he's got his wool coat. Niou wears a hat, but no gloves. His knuckles are translucent on the stroller handle.
There are other people in the park: couples with kids, girls in pigtails and Mary-Janes, fathers playing catchball with sons. It feels weird to look down at the still baby in the stroller and imagine playing golf with him. It makes Yagyuu smile a little too.
Niou looks at him. "What?"
Yagyuu shakes his head. "Nothing." He pulls one of Niou's hands from the stroller handle. Yagyuu wraps his own hand around Niou's. Niou's fingers are icy and stiff.
The trees are filled with crows. Crows sit on top of lamp posts, too. The gravel crunches under Yagyuu's sneakers. Leaves and small twigs catch in the stroller's wheels. Niou's lips thin. He pushes harder and jerks the baby. Hiromi wakes up and starts to scream. Yagyuu cringes.
"He's hungry," Niou says. "Fuck." He looks over his shoulder. Yagyuu does too. There aren't many people close by. There aren't any bathrooms, either, just scattered benches lining the park pathway.
With a sigh, Niou sits down. He unzips his coat. He unbuttons his shirt. He gives Yagyuu a narrowed eye. Well?
Yagyuu stands around. He tries to be useful, but there's nothing he can do. Niou's face is red. The baby sucks. He makes squelching noises. Yagyuu clears his throat. An old man with a dog walks by. He stares at Niou on the bench. Yagyuu does his best to cover Niou. Maybe the park was a bad idea. They could have avoided these stares and whispers.
Niou burps the baby. He bounces as they walk and the gravel crunches. Two women walk by-maybe they are middle-aged. Yagyuu stops at the garbage bin. He tosses out the dirty wet wipe Niou handed him. He looks up and the two women have swarmed Niou.
"How can you be out in public?" one says.
"You're an embarrassment!" the other says.
Yagyuu clenches his jaw. He leaves the stroller and runs up to them. His hands shake. Hot anger burns inside, but he says, "Excuse me!"
The women turn. They look up their noses at him. Yagyuu breathes through his nose. His nostrils flare. "Don't speak to my girlfriend like that," Yagyuu says. His fist is balled at his side. His fingernails dig into his palm, which is clammy and wet.
"You two should be ashamed of yourselves," the first woman says.
Blood drains from Yagyuu's face. Niou is white, too, and his jaw trembles. The baby whimpers on his shoulder. Niou has stopped bouncing it. He's a statue.
"Shut your fucking mouth," Yagyuu whispers.
***
The bench is hard and cold under Yagyuu's butt. He has his arm around Niou's shoulders, but Niou is tense and turned away. Niou says nothing. Yagyuu thinks that saying, "It's all right" would be more than a little tactless.
He keeps his mouth shut.
The swish of the autumn wind through the quivering trees is almost enough to muffle the sounds Niou makes.
***
It wasn't the first time it happened. It isn't the last.
Yagyuu can tell. Niou will skip school. Or Niou will be silent and withdrawn when they eat lunch. He stares into space. Yagyuu offers pieces of sliced beef or katsu curry. Niou won't even blink.
"Don't think about it," Yagyuu says. "You'll never see these people after high school."
But right now, Niou has to see them every day he comes to school. Yagyuu doesn't pretend to understand what Niou feels. He doesn't. It bothers him sometimes. It pisses him off sometimes.
"I could transfer," Niou says. His voice is hollow. He chews on a daikon pickle.
Yagyuu's chest feels tight. He shakes his head. Don't!
But Yagyuu never tells Niou to stay. And Niou never totally leaves.
***
"Hey senpai."
Silence. Yagyuu nods.
"Kirihara-kun."
"Uh, so like, you wanted to talk or something?"
"Ah. Yes…Kirihara-kun, how do you…"
"Yeah?"
Yagyuu sighs.
"How do you cope?"
"Uh, with what? Being captain? It's kinda-"
"No. I mean…Kirihara-kun, how do you cope with…everything else?"
"…oh yeah. Uh. I dunno."
"I see."
"I mean, senpai, it's tough and shit, but like, I gotta be responsible and stuff. If anyone makes fun of Yanagi-senpai or says that we're fucking dumb kids and we shouldn'ta done what we did, then I tell them to shut the fuck up.
"Senpai?"
"I'm here."
"And, like, I'll fucking kick their asses if they talk shit."
Yagyuu laughs-the sound is bitter. Kirihara doesn't pick up on it.
"And I gotta take care of my family, you know? It makes me wanna be number one even more. Because the sooner I can be number one in tennis, I can make money and stuff and support them. We're gonna kick ass this year, senpai. Does buchou know that I want to-"
"He knows."
"Okay good."
"We didn't forget about you, Kirihara-kun."
Kirihara laughs on the other end of the line. It's forced. Yagyuu laughs too. Nothing is natural.
"Are you still gonna be on the team, Yagyuu-senpai?"
"…I don't know."
"Babies aren't everything. You still gotta live your life and shit. You're smart, senpai. It'll be easy for you to get a good job. You're not like me. You can be responsible easy. You're a dad now."
Yagyuu says nothing. His tongue is caught in his throat. For the longest while, silence drips over the line. Yagyuu's cold hands start to slip from his cellphone. He catches it. Then, "Kirihara-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
***
Deep down, Yagyuu knows that he is selfish. And he's okay with that-at least until Niou calls him out on it.
He hands Niou the present. "For you," he says.
Niou unwraps it with long, large tears. It took the stop clerk five minutes to fold the creases and seal the sellotape. It takes Niou five seconds to undo it all. He raises an eyebrow. "A Nerf dart gun?"
Yagyuu nods.
Niou smirks. "Cool." He opens the box. "Finally something useful. Everyone else just gave me baby clothes and books on mothering."
It is with purely selfish reasons that Yagyuu nods and agrees. He says, "I love you. Happy birthday, Masaharu."
Niou grunts. He pulls the gun out and points it at the change table. A dart shoots out in a slow, orange arc. It hits the bag of diapers. One diaper falls out onto the floor. Niou laughs under his breath.
They are alone in Niou's house. It is a Saturday.
Yagyuu touches Niou's knee. It's been four months. His dick is hard. He lies in bed at night and thinks about the valley between Niou's breasts, or the curves of his hips. He masturbates in the shower in the morning, and once at school in the toilets at lunch.
Now, each movement makes him aware of the swollen sensitivity in his pants. Yagyuu swallows. "I love you," he says.
"Uh huh," Niou says. He swats Yagyuu's hand away.
Yagyuu touches Niou's side. He rubs his face on Niou's neck. "I love you," he murmurs. He licks the salty skin of Niou's jaw. Underneath everything, Yagyuu can smell that sour milk that clings to Niou always. It makes his belly tighten. It makes his dick harder. Yagyuu pushes Niou backward. He presses his dick to Niou's leg.
I want you. I love you. Happy birthday…
"Yagyuu!" Niou says.
Yagyuu unbuttons Niou's shirt. He nuzzles the space between Niou's tits. They are larger and warmer than he remembers. They are buttery under Yagyuu's fingers as he kneads them. He licks his lips, then he licks the top of Niou's breasts. Yagyuu moans. Niou squirms. Yagyuu pinches Niou's nipples.
"Yagyuu!"
Niou grabs Yagyuu by the hair. He pulls. Yagyuu snaps his head up. Niou pushes him away, hard.
"My family could come back," Niou says. He buttons his shirt up to the collar. At the back, it pops out.
Yagyuu frowns.
When he gets home, he locks the toilet room door and masturbates. His come splatters the edge of the washlet. Yagyuu presses a hand to the wall. He exhales and closes his eyes. His heart pounds in his chest as the come disappears in the ceramic whirlpool.
He sends a message to Niou: Please excuse me.
No response comes.
***
One week before Christmas Eve, Yagyuu asks Niou if he is busy. It's lunch time. Yagyuu ordered two fried chicken set meals. Niou eats all of his fried chicken. It must be a good day. Niou licks the grease from his fingers and Yagyuu watches him.
Yagyuu can be just as much the opportunist as Niou.
"We could see a movie," he says.
"Nothing out," Niou says.
"We could go to the bookstore."
Niou looks at Yagyuu. He pokes Yagyuu between the eyes. Yagyuu blinks.
"That's really, really lame," Niou says. "Besides, the kid would scream in Kinokuniya."
"We could-"
"I'm not having sex with you."
Yagyuu closes his mouth. He fixes his glasses. Niou's fingers smudged the sides of the lenses.
"I didn't say that," Yagyuu says.
Niou looks at Yagyuu again. "You didn't have to."
***
Christmas Eve falls on a Friday. Yagyuu goes to school. So does Niou, but he leaves at lunch time. Sanada and Yukimura disappear to the roof top garden. Jackal has an anonymous gift of chocolates in his backpack. Marui offers to eat some. Yanagi works on math homework with Yagyuu-Niou has always been better at algebra.
After school, Yagyuu stops at the flower stand in the train station. He picks out the biggest, reddest poinsettia. "Are these poisonous?" he asks. The old woman says yes. Yagyuu says it's perfect.
He rings the door bell. Niou-kun answers. The baby is draped over his shoulder. "Oh," Niou says.
"Merry Christmas," Yagyuu says. There was no car in the driveway. Two bicycles are gone from the pathway. He steps inside, takes off his shoes and sets the flower pot on the kitchen counter. Yagyuu lines up the heels of his shoes.
"For my mom?"
"For you."
Niou's face scrunches up. "I hate flowers. Puri."
Yagyuu smiles. He takes the baby from Niou. Hiromi is heavier than Yagyuu remembers. He looks at Yagyuu with big, dark eyes. The swirl of hair on the top of his head is beginning to look less bald.
"Help me with something," Niou says. Yagyuu doesn't ask if Niou is home alone. He licks his lips. The baby gums his hands. Yagyuu follows Niou, who pads upstairs to his bedroom. Baby clothes and diapers are everywhere. Baby powder and Vaseline and opened boxes of pablum have creeped over his desk instead of school work and paper planes, boxes of thumb tacks and candy wrappers.
Niou rummages through a drawer. He pulls out a red suit. A smirk makes his eyes dance. Yagyuu tries to frown. Seeing Niou like this-his tongue between his teeth as he peels the baby's clothes off and stuffs him into a Santa suit-makes Yagyuu remember the before time.
Hiromi looks less than impressed. Niou says, "Excellent." He adjusts the hat. The baby gives Yagyuu with a pitiful stare. Yagyuu feels guilty, sorta. But the baby looks cute, propped up on Niou's pillows in head-to-toe festive red.
"Sit with him," Yagyuu says. He takes a picture with his cellphone. After the shutter clicks the baby starts to cry.
Niou nurses. Yagyuu watches. Only when Niou's face pales does Yagyuu turn away. He looks out the window. Tiny frost patterns lick the edges of the window sill. The glass is cold to the touch, but it's warm inside. Weak wintery sun hovers low on the horizon. It will be dark soon.
Before Yagyuu asks, Niou says, "My parents are out tonight. My sister and brother are at cram school, and no, I'm not having sex with you."
Yagyuu blinks.
"You're a cinch to read, Yagyuu," Niou says. He fastens his bra. He hands the baby to Yagyuu. "Burp him."
Hiromi spews on Yagyuu's school blazer. Yagyuu sighs. The baby's eyes start to droop. For once, he's relatively quiet. Yagyuu sets him in the crib across from Niou's futon. His hands are curled up with sleep. Yagyuu strokes the back of one where his skin is papery soft and warm. Yagyuu smiles. "Merry Christmas," he whispers.
They eat instant ramen for supper. It's not romantic. Niou belches. He pats his stomach. Yagyuu picks out flakes of green onion flakes from his. He sips the green tea Niou made. It's watery and lukewarm. He says it's delicious and Niou raises his eyebrows.
"I'm still not-"
Yagyuu hums. "I have something else for you."
Niou opens the gift. He looks up at Yagyuu. He looks at the tool set. He makes a face.
"There's a retractable screwdriver," Yagyuu says. Yagyuu takes a step closer to Niou. He brushes the hair away from Niou's neck.
Niou's face softens. "Oh," he says.
Yagyuu kisses Niou's neck. He presses his lips in a slow, dry path to Niou's lips. Niou turns his head. He parts his lips. He touches Yagyuu's hair and sighs. Niou's mouth tastes like artificial shrimp flavour. His tongue is salty. So is the side of his neck.
Niou is stiff and his hands are cold, but he doesn't say no a second time. He shivers when Yagyuu takes off his shirt. He shakes when Yagyuu peels off his underpants (the lacey panties must have disappeared under the heaps of diapers). Niou closes his eyes and turns away. Yagyuu runs his hands down Niou's stomach. His breasts are bigger and heavuer. His hips are wider. The curve of his waist and the smooth skin of his thighs are sweeter. Yagyuu's mouth burns. His throat is woolen and closed up. His dick is on fire and so swollen, he could burst.
Don't hurt me Niou's body says. His arms bend when Yagyuu wants them around his back. His legs rise when Yagyuu kisses the inside of Niou's knee. Niou's throat bobs. Yagyuu kisses him softly. I'll be gentle. He pushes inside and groans.
Niou hisses, then he exhales. Yagyuu gasps and comes. He thrusts once, twice, maybe a few more times. He says Niou's name and collapses on Niou's chest. The lighting glitters on his glasses, which are tossed across the floor.
It snows outside when Yagyuu walks home. The first snow of the year flutters around him. The flakes melt as soon as they hit the ground. Yagyuu glances back to Niou's house. On the dark street, there is a window lit up and a figure silhouetted for a moment. Then, Niou closes the curtain.
***
On the phone, Niou whispers, "You didn't use a condom, Yagyuu. Again."
Author: Ociwen
Rating: NC17
Warning: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series.
Disclaimer: Konomi owns all, except for Marui's crocs.
Summary: Niou is a girl, and everything pushed to the edge.
Author's Notes: This is one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa and Accidentally All Right. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Niou's birthday 2008. Happy Birthday Niou!
This fic has been truncated into 14 parts due to length. The parts are NOT chapters. This is a one-shot fic.
Niou-kun comes back to school on a Tuesday. Summer holidays are over, but it is still hot. The trees are limp with the pregnant haze of September. Yagyuu's shirt collar is wet with sweat. He meets Niou at the train station.
Niou has bags under his eyes. His chest is swollen. There are other students around in Rikkai Dai uniforms, so Yagyuu doesn't rub Niou's shoulders. He looks at Niou. Are you okay?
Niou stares at him with blank eyes. Then he yawns loudly.
Everyone knows about Niou. He's not like Yanagi, who can glide through school with a self-satisfied little smile on the days he shows up-part-time right now. Niou reacts to each and every whisper. He reacts to each and every frown, and stare and point. The lack of sleep has beaten his defenses down. The closer they walk to school, the slower Niou becomes.
"Did you have breakfast?" Yagyuu asks. It is the first thing he has said this morning.
Niou nods. "Omelet rice."
Yagyuu nods too. They descend into an awkward sort of silence. Yagyuu doesn't know what else to say. He could talk about the baby. He could talk about the little notes slipped through his locker slats yesterday. Yagyuu thinks about the words and his face heats up. Maybe it was good Niou didn't come to school yesterday.
They have tennis practice. Yukimura says nothing. Niou sits on the bench. His mask falls into place. Only Yagyuu notices the lines around Niou's eyes and the strain in his mouth. Niou smirks and rolls his eyes. He calls Marui fat and he jokes about Jackal's lesbian summer romance.
"Did she give good head?" Niou asks. He leans back on the bench.
Jackal's hairline twitches. He leans on his racket. Jackal gives Niou a long look and whispers something in Portuguese under his breath. The word for "idiot" is universal.
Yagyuu tries to play a game with Yanagi. He keeps watching Niou out of the corner of his eye. Niou changes positions on the bench. He won't stay still. His legs are up against his chest, then planted wide on the ground. He lies down, then he sits up. Niou's eyes flicker over the court. His lips thin out. They are colourless and grey. The sun is hot and fierce. Yagyuu's skin melts.
But Niou is pale. His cheeks are thinner, although his chest is bigger, rounder. He yells out to Yanagi as Yanagi is about to serve.
"How's the breast pump working for you, Data Man?"
The ball drops onto the court. It bounces once and rolls past Yanagi's feet. Yagyuu stiffens. At any other time, he would reprimand Niou. Now, he's caught between Yanagi's slitted eyes and Niou's feigned smirk.
"How's yours?" Yanagi asks.
"Burn!" Marui whispers. He stands somewhere behind Yagyuu. No one serves.
Niou is deathly still. He snorts, but the blasé facade leaves him.
In the change rooms, the team whispers around Yagyuu. Although he stands at his locker, he's invisible. He takes his t-shirt off. The breath he holds is naked. His glasses slip down his nose. The air is thick.
"How can someone like that be so obnoxious? He's the laughing stock…"
Yagyuu clenches his jaw.
"-see him just sitting there at practice?"
"An embarrassment!"
Yagyuu's eye twitches.
"I am standing right here," he whispers. He tries to speak louder, but his voice doesn't work properly. Yagyuu stuffs his tennis clothes into his locker. He grabs his bags and he rushes out. The clubhouse was stifling. Outside, the atmosphere is just as thick. It's hard to breath. Yagyuu sucks in hard.
Niou is missing.
Yagyuu asks Jackal. "Have you seen Niou?"
Jackal crosses his arms over his chest. He shifts his eyes right, then left. "No," he says slowly. "In the bathroom, maybe? Have you seen Bunta?"
Yagyuu can't remember. "In the change room," he lies.
"Let's walk to class," Jackal says.
***
At lunch time, Yagyuu buys two eel bento set meals at the cafeteria, to go. He buys two milk teas and a Calpis in the vending machine. Yagyuu carries the tray of food up to the third floor.
He sent Niou a text message during second period. Meet me in classroom 1A. It’s Yagyuu's classroom. Sometimes Sanada sits there and eats lunch. Usually, there is no one else besides Yagyuu and a handful of freshman girls in his class. They duck their heads over textbooks. They won't bother Niou.
Yagyuu sets the food out on his desk. He arranges the set meals in mirror fashion and places the two milk teas at the top corner of the tray across his desk. He checks his watch. He waits. He checks his cellphone.
Niou doesn't come.
Yagyuu asks the girl in his class with the wire rim glasses. "Excuse me, Nishito-san, have you seen Niou-kun from 1B?"
Nishito-san blinks. She looks at Yagyuu as if he has three eyes. "Why would I have seen…"
Her friends start to giggle.
"Her…him…your…" Nishito starts to snicker too. She hides her laugher behind her hand, but the sound crackles in the air.
Yagyuu's mouth goes dry. Fuck you! he thinks. The voice inside his mind sounds like Niou, or himself as Niou. Yagyuu runs down the corridor. His shoes slap on the hard linoleum. At this hour, everyone is in the cafeteria, or outside on the benches near the north gate.
Classroom 1B is empty except for Marui. He sits on a desk with a guitar on his lap. "Jackal," he sings as he strums. "Jackal you should go out with me…"
The cords follow Yagyuu into the hallway as he runs past the vending machines.
"What an awesome boyfriend I'd be…"
Yagyuu checks two more classrooms. Nothing.
"Jackal, open your cocoa eyes and see…"
Yagyuu slides the door to the washitsu open. Sanada looks at him. The side of his neck looks slimy and bruised. Yukimura sits up from his sprawl across the tatami. Yagyuu closes the door just as quickly.
"Please go out with meeeee!"
Yagyuu stops at the end of the hallway. He looks out across the roof. It is a sea of black tar paper. Students and the cement ledge break of the view. Niou is not there either. Yagyuu starts to sink against the wall. His clammy hands catch on the fliers tacked up.
Then he hears the distinct sound of sniffling. He stands up straight. Down the hallway is the girls' washroom. Yagyuu knocks on the swing door. It creaks. The sniffling stops.
Into the quiet, Yagyuu asks, "Niou-kun?"
There is a pause, then a toilet flushes. Yagyuu listens as a tap runs. Footsteps come closer to the door. Yagyuu steps back.
Niou looks at him. His face is dripping at the sides. His eyes are red, but the familiar cock to his chin is there. Niou says, "Yaaaa-gyuu?" It's not very convincing when his voice breaks mid-syllable.
Yagyuu's chest aches. He touches Niou's arm. Niou jerks back.
"Come and eat lunch," Yagyuu says. He looks at Niou. Please.
Niou avoids the look. He side-steps around Yagyuu. "It's all right," he says. Niou has no pants pockets to stuff his hands into. Instead, he uses his cardigan. An index finger sticks out through a hole at the hem. "Not really hungry."
"Please," Yagyuu says.
Niou walks away.
Yagyuu balls his fist. "Niou-kun!" he snaps.
The fliers tacked to the walls rustle. So do the ends of Niou's hair.
Niou stops walking. The papers stop moving and then Niou shouts, "I said 'I'm not hungry!'"
Yagyuu catches Niou when his legs start to stumble.
They eat lunch in the alcove next to the stairs beside the library. Niou eats his entire set meal and half of Yagyuu's. Yagyuu's stomach growls all afternoon, but he doesn't mind.
***
In the evenings, Yagyuu comes over to Niou's house. Niou's house is smaller and louder and homey. It's tense, but nothing like the marble silences and cold glares from his mother. Yagyuu is more than happy for Niou's mom's small frowns and Niou's dad asking him what he'll do, what job he'll take and how the heck two dumb kids can take care of a baby.
Niou's mom cooks better food, too.
They sit in Niou's bedroom. The aftertaste of watermelon lingers in Yagyuu's mouth. It mixes with the soba and tempura from supper. Niou lies on his futon. The baby is curled up between his breasts.
Yagyuu leans back against the leg of Niou's desk chair. He stretches his legs out and pokes Niou in the knee with his toes. Niou cracks an eye open.
Yagyuu flips his cellphone out. Niou makes a face, but for a picture, it's perfect.
"Do you think he'll smile soon?" Niou murmurs. He looks down at Hiromi. He touches the soft down on the top of the baby's head. Hiromi seems balder than ever, although there is a turf of black hair on the one side. Yagyuu likes to touch it. It is silken under his fingertips.
Yagyuu hums. He nods and looks out Niou's window. The reflection of three of them paints the glass. The window frames it as a photo. Yagyuu smiles.
***
Niou doesn't come to school every day.
Yagyuu waits in the stairwell near classroom 1A. The cross breeze isn't very good here. Yagyuu dabs at the sweat on the back of his neck with his handkerchief. He scrunches it up, then folds it back up. At the sound of footsteps, he looks up.
It isn't Niou.
He eats his bento alone. Yagyuu spends his bus money on a coke from the vending machine. After classes finish, he walks to Niou's house.
At the end of the street, Yagyuu cringes. He can hear the sound of a baby crying. It grows louder as he walks closer. Niou's mom opens the door. Hair springs out from her clip. She half-smiles at Yagyuu a little. The baby drowns out her words.
Yagyuu thanks her. Niou is in his room. He is sitting on a cushion on his floor. His breast hangs out of his bra, but the baby isn't sucking. Yagyuu closes the door. Niou doesn't look up.
"Are you okay?" Yagyuu asks. He kneels down beside Niou. Yagyuu holds his arms out. Niou doesn't hand the baby over.
Slowly, Niou turns his head. Yagyuu thinks about the ghost movie that Marui wanted to take Jackal to. Niou turns his head 180 degrees. His lips and skin are white. His eyes are red and rimmed with purple. His hair sticks up. Phantom tendrils catch in the humid air.
Niou hands the baby over. He pulls his bra back up. "Don't look," he says. Yagyuu has already looked.
"Are you okay?" Yagyuu doesn't know how to phrase, "You nipple is cracking" in a polite way. His eyes drift across the room. There are diapers and baby clothes. There is a breast pump on Niou's desk next to a jar of cream. The label says Nipple Cream. Yagyuu says nothing. Hiromi screams and squirms in his arms. Yagyuu bounces him. Yagyuu rocks back and forth.
"Is he always like this?" Yagyuu asks. He feels guilty because there is nothing he can do. He wants to ask Niou about school. He wants to tell Niou to leave the baby here with Niou's mom and come to classes with him.
Niou glares at Yagyuu. It's answer enough.
***
Luckily, Yagyuu is good at pretending to be Niou. He yawns. The clock reads half past two. He scribbles 'Niou Masaharu' at the top of the assignment sheet.
Yagyuu messages Niou. I finished your homework. He flips his cellphone closed. It vibrates.
"You're awake," he murmurs.
i had homework?
Yes. Why are you up? Please go to bed.
y do u think?
Yagyuu flops down on his bed. He stares at the LCD screen on his phone. The background swims. Niou's face swirls and wavers. Yagyuu rubs the bridge of his nose. He yawns again.
His phone vibrates with one last message. There is a picture attached to the simple word look
A sleeping baby.
Yagyuu's chest feels tight. "Good night," he whispers.
***
They are walking through the park together. Yagyuu told his mother he was going to cram school. In truth, he hasn't been to cram school in weeks. It's easier that way.
It is a Sunday afternoon. Autumn has settled in. The sky is a grey-ish sort that can't decide if it wants to rain or not. The first leaves crunch under the wheels of the stroller.
At the supermarket, Yagyuu found the final two packages of tokoroten jelly. They were hidden behind fresh tofu. Yagyuu carries them in a plastic bag hanging at his elbow.
Niou walks slowly. He pushes the stroller and says nothing. The black roots of his hair are growing longer. The baby makes a noise. Niou stops. He squats down and looks in the stroller.
"Still asleep," Niou says. Yagyuu looks down. Hiromi is bundled up in hand-me-downs, and a blue knit hat. Yagyuu wonders if Niou wore that same hat fifteen years ago.
In a few weeks it will be Niou's birthday.
They walk and say nothing. The clouds drift across the sky. The sun never peeks out. It's cold enough now that Yagyuu is glad he's got his wool coat. Niou wears a hat, but no gloves. His knuckles are translucent on the stroller handle.
There are other people in the park: couples with kids, girls in pigtails and Mary-Janes, fathers playing catchball with sons. It feels weird to look down at the still baby in the stroller and imagine playing golf with him. It makes Yagyuu smile a little too.
Niou looks at him. "What?"
Yagyuu shakes his head. "Nothing." He pulls one of Niou's hands from the stroller handle. Yagyuu wraps his own hand around Niou's. Niou's fingers are icy and stiff.
The trees are filled with crows. Crows sit on top of lamp posts, too. The gravel crunches under Yagyuu's sneakers. Leaves and small twigs catch in the stroller's wheels. Niou's lips thin. He pushes harder and jerks the baby. Hiromi wakes up and starts to scream. Yagyuu cringes.
"He's hungry," Niou says. "Fuck." He looks over his shoulder. Yagyuu does too. There aren't many people close by. There aren't any bathrooms, either, just scattered benches lining the park pathway.
With a sigh, Niou sits down. He unzips his coat. He unbuttons his shirt. He gives Yagyuu a narrowed eye. Well?
Yagyuu stands around. He tries to be useful, but there's nothing he can do. Niou's face is red. The baby sucks. He makes squelching noises. Yagyuu clears his throat. An old man with a dog walks by. He stares at Niou on the bench. Yagyuu does his best to cover Niou. Maybe the park was a bad idea. They could have avoided these stares and whispers.
Niou burps the baby. He bounces as they walk and the gravel crunches. Two women walk by-maybe they are middle-aged. Yagyuu stops at the garbage bin. He tosses out the dirty wet wipe Niou handed him. He looks up and the two women have swarmed Niou.
"How can you be out in public?" one says.
"You're an embarrassment!" the other says.
Yagyuu clenches his jaw. He leaves the stroller and runs up to them. His hands shake. Hot anger burns inside, but he says, "Excuse me!"
The women turn. They look up their noses at him. Yagyuu breathes through his nose. His nostrils flare. "Don't speak to my girlfriend like that," Yagyuu says. His fist is balled at his side. His fingernails dig into his palm, which is clammy and wet.
"You two should be ashamed of yourselves," the first woman says.
Blood drains from Yagyuu's face. Niou is white, too, and his jaw trembles. The baby whimpers on his shoulder. Niou has stopped bouncing it. He's a statue.
"Shut your fucking mouth," Yagyuu whispers.
***
The bench is hard and cold under Yagyuu's butt. He has his arm around Niou's shoulders, but Niou is tense and turned away. Niou says nothing. Yagyuu thinks that saying, "It's all right" would be more than a little tactless.
He keeps his mouth shut.
The swish of the autumn wind through the quivering trees is almost enough to muffle the sounds Niou makes.
***
It wasn't the first time it happened. It isn't the last.
Yagyuu can tell. Niou will skip school. Or Niou will be silent and withdrawn when they eat lunch. He stares into space. Yagyuu offers pieces of sliced beef or katsu curry. Niou won't even blink.
"Don't think about it," Yagyuu says. "You'll never see these people after high school."
But right now, Niou has to see them every day he comes to school. Yagyuu doesn't pretend to understand what Niou feels. He doesn't. It bothers him sometimes. It pisses him off sometimes.
"I could transfer," Niou says. His voice is hollow. He chews on a daikon pickle.
Yagyuu's chest feels tight. He shakes his head. Don't!
But Yagyuu never tells Niou to stay. And Niou never totally leaves.
***
"Hey senpai."
Silence. Yagyuu nods.
"Kirihara-kun."
"Uh, so like, you wanted to talk or something?"
"Ah. Yes…Kirihara-kun, how do you…"
"Yeah?"
Yagyuu sighs.
"How do you cope?"
"Uh, with what? Being captain? It's kinda-"
"No. I mean…Kirihara-kun, how do you cope with…everything else?"
"…oh yeah. Uh. I dunno."
"I see."
"I mean, senpai, it's tough and shit, but like, I gotta be responsible and stuff. If anyone makes fun of Yanagi-senpai or says that we're fucking dumb kids and we shouldn'ta done what we did, then I tell them to shut the fuck up.
"Senpai?"
"I'm here."
"And, like, I'll fucking kick their asses if they talk shit."
Yagyuu laughs-the sound is bitter. Kirihara doesn't pick up on it.
"And I gotta take care of my family, you know? It makes me wanna be number one even more. Because the sooner I can be number one in tennis, I can make money and stuff and support them. We're gonna kick ass this year, senpai. Does buchou know that I want to-"
"He knows."
"Okay good."
"We didn't forget about you, Kirihara-kun."
Kirihara laughs on the other end of the line. It's forced. Yagyuu laughs too. Nothing is natural.
"Are you still gonna be on the team, Yagyuu-senpai?"
"…I don't know."
"Babies aren't everything. You still gotta live your life and shit. You're smart, senpai. It'll be easy for you to get a good job. You're not like me. You can be responsible easy. You're a dad now."
Yagyuu says nothing. His tongue is caught in his throat. For the longest while, silence drips over the line. Yagyuu's cold hands start to slip from his cellphone. He catches it. Then, "Kirihara-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
***
Deep down, Yagyuu knows that he is selfish. And he's okay with that-at least until Niou calls him out on it.
He hands Niou the present. "For you," he says.
Niou unwraps it with long, large tears. It took the stop clerk five minutes to fold the creases and seal the sellotape. It takes Niou five seconds to undo it all. He raises an eyebrow. "A Nerf dart gun?"
Yagyuu nods.
Niou smirks. "Cool." He opens the box. "Finally something useful. Everyone else just gave me baby clothes and books on mothering."
It is with purely selfish reasons that Yagyuu nods and agrees. He says, "I love you. Happy birthday, Masaharu."
Niou grunts. He pulls the gun out and points it at the change table. A dart shoots out in a slow, orange arc. It hits the bag of diapers. One diaper falls out onto the floor. Niou laughs under his breath.
They are alone in Niou's house. It is a Saturday.
Yagyuu touches Niou's knee. It's been four months. His dick is hard. He lies in bed at night and thinks about the valley between Niou's breasts, or the curves of his hips. He masturbates in the shower in the morning, and once at school in the toilets at lunch.
Now, each movement makes him aware of the swollen sensitivity in his pants. Yagyuu swallows. "I love you," he says.
"Uh huh," Niou says. He swats Yagyuu's hand away.
Yagyuu touches Niou's side. He rubs his face on Niou's neck. "I love you," he murmurs. He licks the salty skin of Niou's jaw. Underneath everything, Yagyuu can smell that sour milk that clings to Niou always. It makes his belly tighten. It makes his dick harder. Yagyuu pushes Niou backward. He presses his dick to Niou's leg.
I want you. I love you. Happy birthday…
"Yagyuu!" Niou says.
Yagyuu unbuttons Niou's shirt. He nuzzles the space between Niou's tits. They are larger and warmer than he remembers. They are buttery under Yagyuu's fingers as he kneads them. He licks his lips, then he licks the top of Niou's breasts. Yagyuu moans. Niou squirms. Yagyuu pinches Niou's nipples.
"Yagyuu!"
Niou grabs Yagyuu by the hair. He pulls. Yagyuu snaps his head up. Niou pushes him away, hard.
"My family could come back," Niou says. He buttons his shirt up to the collar. At the back, it pops out.
Yagyuu frowns.
When he gets home, he locks the toilet room door and masturbates. His come splatters the edge of the washlet. Yagyuu presses a hand to the wall. He exhales and closes his eyes. His heart pounds in his chest as the come disappears in the ceramic whirlpool.
He sends a message to Niou: Please excuse me.
No response comes.
***
One week before Christmas Eve, Yagyuu asks Niou if he is busy. It's lunch time. Yagyuu ordered two fried chicken set meals. Niou eats all of his fried chicken. It must be a good day. Niou licks the grease from his fingers and Yagyuu watches him.
Yagyuu can be just as much the opportunist as Niou.
"We could see a movie," he says.
"Nothing out," Niou says.
"We could go to the bookstore."
Niou looks at Yagyuu. He pokes Yagyuu between the eyes. Yagyuu blinks.
"That's really, really lame," Niou says. "Besides, the kid would scream in Kinokuniya."
"We could-"
"I'm not having sex with you."
Yagyuu closes his mouth. He fixes his glasses. Niou's fingers smudged the sides of the lenses.
"I didn't say that," Yagyuu says.
Niou looks at Yagyuu again. "You didn't have to."
***
Christmas Eve falls on a Friday. Yagyuu goes to school. So does Niou, but he leaves at lunch time. Sanada and Yukimura disappear to the roof top garden. Jackal has an anonymous gift of chocolates in his backpack. Marui offers to eat some. Yanagi works on math homework with Yagyuu-Niou has always been better at algebra.
After school, Yagyuu stops at the flower stand in the train station. He picks out the biggest, reddest poinsettia. "Are these poisonous?" he asks. The old woman says yes. Yagyuu says it's perfect.
He rings the door bell. Niou-kun answers. The baby is draped over his shoulder. "Oh," Niou says.
"Merry Christmas," Yagyuu says. There was no car in the driveway. Two bicycles are gone from the pathway. He steps inside, takes off his shoes and sets the flower pot on the kitchen counter. Yagyuu lines up the heels of his shoes.
"For my mom?"
"For you."
Niou's face scrunches up. "I hate flowers. Puri."
Yagyuu smiles. He takes the baby from Niou. Hiromi is heavier than Yagyuu remembers. He looks at Yagyuu with big, dark eyes. The swirl of hair on the top of his head is beginning to look less bald.
"Help me with something," Niou says. Yagyuu doesn't ask if Niou is home alone. He licks his lips. The baby gums his hands. Yagyuu follows Niou, who pads upstairs to his bedroom. Baby clothes and diapers are everywhere. Baby powder and Vaseline and opened boxes of pablum have creeped over his desk instead of school work and paper planes, boxes of thumb tacks and candy wrappers.
Niou rummages through a drawer. He pulls out a red suit. A smirk makes his eyes dance. Yagyuu tries to frown. Seeing Niou like this-his tongue between his teeth as he peels the baby's clothes off and stuffs him into a Santa suit-makes Yagyuu remember the before time.
Hiromi looks less than impressed. Niou says, "Excellent." He adjusts the hat. The baby gives Yagyuu with a pitiful stare. Yagyuu feels guilty, sorta. But the baby looks cute, propped up on Niou's pillows in head-to-toe festive red.
"Sit with him," Yagyuu says. He takes a picture with his cellphone. After the shutter clicks the baby starts to cry.
Niou nurses. Yagyuu watches. Only when Niou's face pales does Yagyuu turn away. He looks out the window. Tiny frost patterns lick the edges of the window sill. The glass is cold to the touch, but it's warm inside. Weak wintery sun hovers low on the horizon. It will be dark soon.
Before Yagyuu asks, Niou says, "My parents are out tonight. My sister and brother are at cram school, and no, I'm not having sex with you."
Yagyuu blinks.
"You're a cinch to read, Yagyuu," Niou says. He fastens his bra. He hands the baby to Yagyuu. "Burp him."
Hiromi spews on Yagyuu's school blazer. Yagyuu sighs. The baby's eyes start to droop. For once, he's relatively quiet. Yagyuu sets him in the crib across from Niou's futon. His hands are curled up with sleep. Yagyuu strokes the back of one where his skin is papery soft and warm. Yagyuu smiles. "Merry Christmas," he whispers.
They eat instant ramen for supper. It's not romantic. Niou belches. He pats his stomach. Yagyuu picks out flakes of green onion flakes from his. He sips the green tea Niou made. It's watery and lukewarm. He says it's delicious and Niou raises his eyebrows.
"I'm still not-"
Yagyuu hums. "I have something else for you."
Niou opens the gift. He looks up at Yagyuu. He looks at the tool set. He makes a face.
"There's a retractable screwdriver," Yagyuu says. Yagyuu takes a step closer to Niou. He brushes the hair away from Niou's neck.
Niou's face softens. "Oh," he says.
Yagyuu kisses Niou's neck. He presses his lips in a slow, dry path to Niou's lips. Niou turns his head. He parts his lips. He touches Yagyuu's hair and sighs. Niou's mouth tastes like artificial shrimp flavour. His tongue is salty. So is the side of his neck.
Niou is stiff and his hands are cold, but he doesn't say no a second time. He shivers when Yagyuu takes off his shirt. He shakes when Yagyuu peels off his underpants (the lacey panties must have disappeared under the heaps of diapers). Niou closes his eyes and turns away. Yagyuu runs his hands down Niou's stomach. His breasts are bigger and heavuer. His hips are wider. The curve of his waist and the smooth skin of his thighs are sweeter. Yagyuu's mouth burns. His throat is woolen and closed up. His dick is on fire and so swollen, he could burst.
Don't hurt me Niou's body says. His arms bend when Yagyuu wants them around his back. His legs rise when Yagyuu kisses the inside of Niou's knee. Niou's throat bobs. Yagyuu kisses him softly. I'll be gentle. He pushes inside and groans.
Niou hisses, then he exhales. Yagyuu gasps and comes. He thrusts once, twice, maybe a few more times. He says Niou's name and collapses on Niou's chest. The lighting glitters on his glasses, which are tossed across the floor.
It snows outside when Yagyuu walks home. The first snow of the year flutters around him. The flakes melt as soon as they hit the ground. Yagyuu glances back to Niou's house. On the dark street, there is a window lit up and a figure silhouetted for a moment. Then, Niou closes the curtain.
***
On the phone, Niou whispers, "You didn't use a condom, Yagyuu. Again."