“What the actual fuck, McGarrett? I am running a band saw.”
AMP 2011: Day 64
I would just like to start off by saying that this entire podfic? Is all queenklu's fault. (Also, I'd like to apologize in advance for the excessive caps-lock, but it's just that this podfic has given me lots of feelings to express.)
I do not WATCH Hawaii 5-O.
I do not READ Hawaii 5-O.
I'm not even sure how to properly SPELL Hawaii 5-O.
I HAD NO INTENTION OF EVER JOINING THE HAWAII 5-O FANDOM, NO MATTER THE LOVELINESS OF ALEX O'LOUGHLIN'S BODY.
And, it's not even like I need another cop show. I have a full line-up of cop shows already: three CSI shows, one NCIS show, Psych if I'm feeling silly, and even Criminal Minds when E won't give up the remote. I DO NOT NEED TO READ MORE COP SHOW FANFIC RIGHT NOW.
BUT. I will, apparently, read home-improvement-with-a-side-order-of-First-Time-Together-and-added-bantering porn. And then I will podfic it. Damn my poor impulse control.
See, queenklu kept posting all these pretties and then some sparklies and then some major drool-worthies, and then she turned her usual wit and panache towards fic for the fandom, and who am I to say no to song-lyrics-turned-story-titles by the Bare Naked Ladies, or to men in toolbelts and no shirts on? (The Xander Is A Carpenter Years, on BtVS, were goooood years....) I have a thing for men in toolbelts!
So, that's why you get tonight's contribution to International Porning Day.
I Have A History Of Taking Off My Shirt, written by the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, fandom pimping queenklu, is nearly forty minutes of emotion, and sarcasm, and sex on the kitchen table, and sweaty shirtless men, and band skill saws, and Danny having conflicted reactions to Steve, and Steve being all Macho S.E.A.L. Manliness Guy. And the thing is, I have NO IDEA who these characters are - except that one's from New Jersey, and the other used to be a vampire detective - but queenklu still makes me want to give them sparkly hearts and fluffy puppies and balloon-animal unicorns. I don't know how they interact on the show, but queenklu writes such a vivid exchange between the two - banter, and what I'm assuming are inside jokes, and the kind of non-verbal cues that only two people who really click together can pick up - and she makes me ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM. And for this, I will never forgive you, ma'am - I do not need another fandom right now.
Anyway, the part you actually came for: download the mp3 here. Enjoy!