Seeds of Suspicion

[shimotsuki]

Title: Seeds of Suspicion
Author: shimotsuki
Summary: What should have been a cozy evening in Godric's Hollow becomes a first step down the path to tragedy.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1112
Author's Note: For a GoF/OotP story I'm currently writing, I needed to figure out some Marauder-era backstory, which turned into this ficlet. Prompts were greed, first

Comments

[bratanimus]

My apologies for the delay in reviewing! :( I was out of town this weekend, then got busy with work, etc. Without further ado:

It's so nice to see this written about, and you did a fantastic job. I've often thought that Peter ("the world's forgotten boy" - excellent choice of prompt!) must have had a hand in spreading the seeds of suspicion.

I loved the description of Friday nights at Godric's Hollow. The depiction of Sirius with his dragon-hide jacket, and his motorcycle, and his bachelor's flat in a trendy London neighbourhood baking biscuits is strangely fitting! I'd love to see that, actually. ;) And it makes sense, given that he probably had a less-than-satisfying home life as a child, that he'd probably love a bit of domesticity in small doses. Of course, he gets to go home at the end of the night, so Friday nights may be just enough for him. Or are they? I really like this little peek into Sirius' psyche. Makes me wonder more about him.

Love how Lily misinterprets Peter's twitch as fear. Well, I suppose it is

[shimotsuki]

(There's no such thing as a delayed review...all feedback is always appreciated, whenever!)

Thanks so much for your detailed, thoughtful comments. I had a lot of fun trying to make Peter sneaky -- we know what he's doing, but it's never crossed his friends' minds that he might be up to something himself. I'm glad you thought that secretly-(slightly?)-domestic Sirius was plausible, too. What really stands out for me about Sirius in canon is the contrast between his apparent suave coolness (pre-Azkaban) and his fierce capacity for love and loyalty.

even though Remus isn't present in the story -- I hoped that wouldn't disqualify the story from this comm (heh), but since the absence of Remus was itself the driving force behind the plot I didn't think it was too much of a cheat.

Thanks again!

[bratanimus]

I hoped that wouldn't disqualify the story from this comm (heh), but since the absence of Remus was itself the driving force behind the plot I didn't think it was too much of a cheat.

It's not a cheat at all! :D This community is also for Remus-centric and Lily-centric fics, not just Remus AND Lily fics ... and yours was a Lily-centric one. Don't be thrown by the shippy name (although ship fics are always welcome). ;)

I loved ladybracknell's comment about Peter actually talking about HIMSELF (the other side respecting him, etc.). I hadn't caught that the first (or second) time around! Excellent. :)

[lady_bracknell]

I really liked this. It's not easy to imagine how things go so wrong for them, and I loved the way suspicion creeps into this from the tiniest suggestion by Peter. Which is how it must have been - through no fault of their own, they begin to suspect each other's perfectly innocent actions - it's a testament to the power of words.

I loved Sirius' over-loud reaction too - that was a very neat spot of characterisation, and the seeds of suspicion have well and truly been sown.

I really loved this bit:

"I dunno," said Peter again, his words tumbling out in a rush. "Maybe it's all about respect. Think about it. He's clever; he can do all kinds of things. He's got almost as many N.E.W.T.s as you lot. But employers don't care about all that-they find his name on the Registry, and all they can say is ‘werewolf.'" He took a gulp of butterbeer. "Maybe he figured the other side would actually respect him."

Knowing that Peter's talking about himself and not hyperthetically, it's quite chilling, actually.

[shimotsuki]

Thanks so much for your comments.

I loved Sirius' over-loud reaction

I had a lot of fun writing that, even though it's a painful moment. Sirius doesn't want to suspect Remus, and in fact he doesn't think he does at this point, but the rot has set in and it's going to fester from here on (pardon the metaphor mixing).

Knowing that Peter's talking about himself and not hyperthetically, it's quite chilling, actually.

I'm so glad you saw that, because that was exactly what I was trying to do. I figure Sirius wouldn't have been hoodwinked by Peter's insinuations unless something about what he said rang true somehow. So, what if it rang true because Peter was actually describing the reason behind his own treachery?

(I'm looking forward to your Peter story...)

[phoenixfyre13]

Oooh, I loved this! There is so little known about the time post-Hogwarts and pre-Harry when it comes to the Marauders and Lily, so it's great to see something out there. I love how you were able to say so much about those post-marriage gatherings with so little. Absolutely perfect, and completely plausible.

Peter is such a little jerk. I want to just strangle the little rat! Sorry, but he just makes me want to throw a punch. And of course he'd be the one to try and discredit Remus. Who would suspect little old Peter to do anything as daring as go to the other side?

This is also a great delve into the psyche of wartime and the idea of espionage. People you would never in a million years suspect of any wrongdoing, but one little conversation turns into "Well, maybe..."

Great job! If there's a follow-up, I'd love to read it... :)

[shimotsuki]

Thanks for your comments!

And of course he'd be the one to try and discredit Remus -- After all that James and Sirius went through for Remus, I can't believe they would suddenly suspect him of being the spy -- unless Peter was setting things up. And surely Peter was desperate to do anything to divert suspicion from himself. Maybe he saw Remus as a convenient scapegoat.

If there's a follow-up, I'd love to read it... :) Aw, thanks! I don't have specific plans for one in the near future, but maybe after I get some of my WIPs done.

[kerrymdb]

Very nice! I enjoyed this a lot. Echoing ladybracknell, I completely agree that Peter was talking about himself with the whole respect thing and it gives a very good look into his character. Good job! :)

[shimotsuki]

Thanks reading and commenting -- I'm glad you thought the 'respect' part of Peter's little speech worked. I also wanted to show that the others still don't really respect Peter, and they don't even notice that they don't. (Not that this justifies going over to Voldemort, of course!)

[katyhasclogs]

I love the mood of this piece, how it goes from warm and happy and domestic to vaguely unsettling. So subtle. You conjure up the slow creeping in of doubts brilliantly. I was left feeling as uneasy as the characters. (And also rather indignant on Remus' behalf; how dare Peter insinuate such things about our lovely werewolf!)

[shimotsuki]

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I'm glad to hear that the kind of mood I wanted to set came through.

how dare Peter insinuate such things about our lovely werewolf! -- Indeed!