Virginity, or the lack thereof

[freespirit_me]

 Hi there!

So, I gave up my virginity a couple weeks ago.  I've grown up in a Christian household where premarital sex is a definite no-no and my parents still think that I'm a virgin, and give me 'rules' about how to stay 'safe'.  Last year I flirted with the idea that premarital sex is okay, and my own religious views have changed a lot, but I

Comments

[tenchan]

It's all in perspective.

It'll take time to shake the views you've probably grown up with, took me ages. Don't let the fear of guilt weigh you down, if things eventually don't work out with you and your boyfriend, resolve to walk away from the relationship with everything *positive* you've learned. That includes the pleasures of sex.

True, you can fall into that pit, but, it's the choice of the individual to cling to it. You lose someone who you've shared wonderful experiences with, of COURSE you're going to mourn that loss! It's perfectly okay, just whatever you do, don't let the negative feelings attached to it rule your life.

By the by, I've been married twice and had my share of partners, both genders. My only advice for the future is be up front when it comes to sex and pleasure. If you don't like it, don't do it. If you want something from your partner, ask. If they don't know about or how to do what you're asking, show them! (Teaching AND learning is FUN!)

[debboamerik]

I honestly think the value of the no-sex-before-marriage thing is NOT that you don't have sex before marriage; it's that you feel empowered not to have sex before you are ready. I have known a lot of people who deeply regretted early sexual experiences whether or not they were brought up in religious households because those experiences were horrific and they were not ready. Bottom line: you were ready. You were comfortable. Your boyfriend was respectful and comfortable. The worst trauma you've got from this is that image of your mother; that will fade. Your mother wants the best for you, but given that you are of age, this one is none of her business. She need never know you're not a virgin on your wedding night, if you get married. It's not lying to let her keep her little delusions. And it's not lying to keep your privacy sacred.