The Moment
Title: The Moment
Author: dracoslovebunny
Pairing: KiSeob, slight DooSeob, slight JunSeung
Status: Oneshot
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash (not graphic)
Word count: 1,073
Summary: In which Yoseob begins to feel like less in Kikwang's eyes.
A/N: Written as part of my ongoing ALL-PAIRINGS 15-fic self-challenge. Each fic is a standalone (not part of the same storyline as the others). Fics are prompted by A Little Left of Logical. Title is the prompt. Special deds to my loverrrly reviewer, vbkrghufbvhrg!
Previous Installments:
Accident/KiWoon // Imitation of Life/JunWoon // Passing Flame/JunSeung
Dugeun, dugeun, dugeun
I first met Lee Kikwang in the tenth grade.
Dugeun, dugeun, dugeun
I was walking toward the east end of the building along the second-floor corridor, and he was heading west. Our shoulders knocked together and I turned to apologize.
Dugeun dugeun dugeun
We discovered he was going in the wrong direction. He was supposed to be heading exactly where I was heading.
Dugeun dugeun dugeun
As he thanked me for my help, he smiled at me, all teeth and squinted eyes, his cheesy lenseless glasses making him look somehow small and vulnerable, despite the trust in his expression.
Dugeundugeundugeun
That was the moment I fell in love with Lee Kikwang.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kikwang's first performance was set to be that night.
He is the best of all the trainees.
I stretched with the other backup dancers, then we moved into position to begin our final practice.
He is better than you and the others.
The music started and we began our dance. I couldn't always keep my gaze on Kikwang, but whenever I could, I did.
He is beyond you now. He is above you.
A pair of eyes caught mine in the mirror. I held them for a short while before looking away. Those eyes were always seeking my own. But I would never hold them long - I would look for only one man.
He will never look at you the way you look at him. You are part of the background.
As we slid through moves, I felt excitement, fear, anticipation, love, and heartbreak. This was the beginning of Kikwang's future, and then end of our past.
You will never be anything but his past.
~~~~~~~~~~
Several of the dancers collapsed to the floor as our umpteenth practice of the day finally ended. I sank tiredly against the wall of mirrors. Yoon Doojoon leaned beside me.
This man wants you.
The song restarted and the men around us groaned, clearly tired of hearing it after so much work. Doojoon chuckled. I joined him.
This man cares for you.
Doojoon took hold of my hand, pulling me from the wall and spinning me around the room. I squeaked in surprise, then laughed openly, loudly.
This man loves you.
I tugged against the hold to reel myself toward the tall dancer. We wound up chest to chest.
You could love this.
Doojoon dipped me low as the surrounding dancers laughed and cheered at our antics. When I was brought back to a standing position, I spun myself back out, releasing Doojoon's hand as I went.
He is not Kikwang.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jang Hyunseung was close with Yong Junhyung from the moment he began dancing with us in the background of the glory that was the main attraction, Ace Junior. Their love was undeniable.
He will never love you the way they love each other.
Days found us dancing together. Evenings found us going out for dinner, the four of us, Junhyung, Hyunseung, Doojoon, and myself, while Kikwang stayed behind to work on recordings or variety shows or some other schedule we all knew we may never get to do.
You are not in his life. You are in their life now.
On more than one occasion I found a hotel with Doojoon. I always kept my eyes closed. I always imagined Kikwang.
He will never lay above you. He will always be above you.
I could see in Doojoon's eyes that he knew I was not emotionally available. After awhile, he stopped offering to take me to a hotel. We still often enjoyed lazy evenings eating dinner with our friends. I knew he was hurting. I could do nothing to help.
He will never love you the way Doojoon loves you.
Kikwang looked more and more worn out every day. His eyes seemed full of longing as he looked at us, his background dancers, his support. I wondered if he would still hold that longing if he knew Doojoon and Junhyung were living in a car together. I wondered if he was jealous of me and Doojoon, or of Junhyung and Hyunseung, of our closeness.
His world is above yours. He will never love you.
~~~~~~~~~~
My heart felt on the cusp of explosion when we were told we would be debuting as a group. It almost felt like a dream or a vivid fantasy. Kikwang seemed happiest of all of us. I couldn't help but throw my arms around him at the news.
Hope, old friend, you have returned.
We laughed and cheered and enjoyed a huge meal together. Kikwang was all full of smiles, the kind that showed teeth and squinted eyes and transported me back to tenth grade when I helped a lost student find his way.
But not too much, now, for hope is how you were hurt before.
We met Son Dongwoon soon after. Kikwang slid his arm through mine as he introduced me to the young man he'd met years before. Dongwoon was young and fresh and seemed lost, but Doojoon took him under his wing immediately. We had found a good maknae (no matter how old he looked), and Doojoon was quickly proving he would be a good leader.
He is part of your life again. He wants to be part of your life again.
It was rare that we had any evening off to go out to eat or play, but when we did, it was still the six of us. It was easy to see that for the rest of our time together, it would be an all-for-one, one-for-all type of situation. Beast was a family from the moment our final lineup was announced. When Kikwang's eyes sought mine, I saw in them a kind of fulfillment I hadn't seen since before his debut as AJ, since before he'd been severed from our circle.
He has always wanted this. How could you have thought he wanted the spotlight more?
I linked my arm with Kikwang's in an easy kind of way, leaning against him as we enjoyed our meal at a small ramen shop. It was our last night out before debut. Junhyung was stoutly refusing Hyunseung's offering of a bite of noodles in that stubborn way so typical of his personality. Dongwoon and Doojoon were eating their meals with gusto, smiles splayed across their faces and mirroring the excitement I knew we all felt. Kikwang slid his fingers through mine. I turned to look at him, and he met my gaze with a small smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes I had dreamed of seeing for years. That was the moment I realized Kikwang had fallen in love with me, too.
Dugeundugeundugeun
~끝~
Author: dracoslovebunny
Pairing: KiSeob, slight DooSeob, slight JunSeung
Status: Oneshot
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash (not graphic)
Word count: 1,073
Summary: In which Yoseob begins to feel like less in Kikwang's eyes.
A/N: Written as part of my ongoing ALL-PAIRINGS 15-fic self-challenge. Each fic is a standalone (not part of the same storyline as the others). Fics are prompted by A Little Left of Logical. Title is the prompt. Special deds to my loverrrly reviewer, vbkrghufbvhrg!
Previous Installments:
Accident/KiWoon // Imitation of Life/JunWoon // Passing Flame/JunSeung
Dugeun, dugeun, dugeun
I first met Lee Kikwang in the tenth grade.
Dugeun, dugeun, dugeun
I was walking toward the east end of the building along the second-floor corridor, and he was heading west. Our shoulders knocked together and I turned to apologize.
Dugeun dugeun dugeun
We discovered he was going in the wrong direction. He was supposed to be heading exactly where I was heading.
Dugeun dugeun dugeun
As he thanked me for my help, he smiled at me, all teeth and squinted eyes, his cheesy lenseless glasses making him look somehow small and vulnerable, despite the trust in his expression.
Dugeundugeundugeun
That was the moment I fell in love with Lee Kikwang.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kikwang's first performance was set to be that night.
He is the best of all the trainees.
I stretched with the other backup dancers, then we moved into position to begin our final practice.
He is better than you and the others.
The music started and we began our dance. I couldn't always keep my gaze on Kikwang, but whenever I could, I did.
He is beyond you now. He is above you.
A pair of eyes caught mine in the mirror. I held them for a short while before looking away. Those eyes were always seeking my own. But I would never hold them long - I would look for only one man.
He will never look at you the way you look at him. You are part of the background.
As we slid through moves, I felt excitement, fear, anticipation, love, and heartbreak. This was the beginning of Kikwang's future, and then end of our past.
You will never be anything but his past.
~~~~~~~~~~
Several of the dancers collapsed to the floor as our umpteenth practice of the day finally ended. I sank tiredly against the wall of mirrors. Yoon Doojoon leaned beside me.
This man wants you.
The song restarted and the men around us groaned, clearly tired of hearing it after so much work. Doojoon chuckled. I joined him.
This man cares for you.
Doojoon took hold of my hand, pulling me from the wall and spinning me around the room. I squeaked in surprise, then laughed openly, loudly.
This man loves you.
I tugged against the hold to reel myself toward the tall dancer. We wound up chest to chest.
You could love this.
Doojoon dipped me low as the surrounding dancers laughed and cheered at our antics. When I was brought back to a standing position, I spun myself back out, releasing Doojoon's hand as I went.
He is not Kikwang.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jang Hyunseung was close with Yong Junhyung from the moment he began dancing with us in the background of the glory that was the main attraction, Ace Junior. Their love was undeniable.
He will never love you the way they love each other.
Days found us dancing together. Evenings found us going out for dinner, the four of us, Junhyung, Hyunseung, Doojoon, and myself, while Kikwang stayed behind to work on recordings or variety shows or some other schedule we all knew we may never get to do.
You are not in his life. You are in their life now.
On more than one occasion I found a hotel with Doojoon. I always kept my eyes closed. I always imagined Kikwang.
He will never lay above you. He will always be above you.
I could see in Doojoon's eyes that he knew I was not emotionally available. After awhile, he stopped offering to take me to a hotel. We still often enjoyed lazy evenings eating dinner with our friends. I knew he was hurting. I could do nothing to help.
He will never love you the way Doojoon loves you.
Kikwang looked more and more worn out every day. His eyes seemed full of longing as he looked at us, his background dancers, his support. I wondered if he would still hold that longing if he knew Doojoon and Junhyung were living in a car together. I wondered if he was jealous of me and Doojoon, or of Junhyung and Hyunseung, of our closeness.
His world is above yours. He will never love you.
~~~~~~~~~~
My heart felt on the cusp of explosion when we were told we would be debuting as a group. It almost felt like a dream or a vivid fantasy. Kikwang seemed happiest of all of us. I couldn't help but throw my arms around him at the news.
Hope, old friend, you have returned.
We laughed and cheered and enjoyed a huge meal together. Kikwang was all full of smiles, the kind that showed teeth and squinted eyes and transported me back to tenth grade when I helped a lost student find his way.
But not too much, now, for hope is how you were hurt before.
We met Son Dongwoon soon after. Kikwang slid his arm through mine as he introduced me to the young man he'd met years before. Dongwoon was young and fresh and seemed lost, but Doojoon took him under his wing immediately. We had found a good maknae (no matter how old he looked), and Doojoon was quickly proving he would be a good leader.
He is part of your life again. He wants to be part of your life again.
It was rare that we had any evening off to go out to eat or play, but when we did, it was still the six of us. It was easy to see that for the rest of our time together, it would be an all-for-one, one-for-all type of situation. Beast was a family from the moment our final lineup was announced. When Kikwang's eyes sought mine, I saw in them a kind of fulfillment I hadn't seen since before his debut as AJ, since before he'd been severed from our circle.
He has always wanted this. How could you have thought he wanted the spotlight more?
I linked my arm with Kikwang's in an easy kind of way, leaning against him as we enjoyed our meal at a small ramen shop. It was our last night out before debut. Junhyung was stoutly refusing Hyunseung's offering of a bite of noodles in that stubborn way so typical of his personality. Dongwoon and Doojoon were eating their meals with gusto, smiles splayed across their faces and mirroring the excitement I knew we all felt. Kikwang slid his fingers through mine. I turned to look at him, and he met my gaze with a small smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes I had dreamed of seeing for years. That was the moment I realized Kikwang had fallen in love with me, too.
Dugeundugeundugeun
~끝~