Indian Dream

[realelvish]

I've got a new story to show off! This one started out as a prequel to The Coffin's Occupant, but it quickly took a new shape and abandoned its connection almost completely. So, forget Alex for a moment, and wallow in the horror of an insane English businessman in 1843.

WARNING: This story is about a serial killer, from the serial killer's point

Comments

[araionadubois]

Dude...yes, besides it being really, really, REALLY creepy...I liked it! :)That was an odd story but really good. I'll tell you this much: this story is worthy of being analyzed in my Uni Eng class. It's kind of similiar to "The Yellow Wall paper" Which is another good piece of lit. Anywho, bravo! Well done!

[realelvish]

Thanks!

It was workshopped by my creative writing class. They decided that this was a fun foray, but I ought to stick to fantasy writing.

I think I agree. Writing something like this made me feel slightly insane, just being able to produce this character's voice. I'm not kidding... it felt like I was walking around the edge of a huge whirlpool, and I had to go deeper and deeper into the swirling water, so deep I was panicking and thinking I was going to be swept away. This meant that I flinched whenever the story reached a graphic part, because that's when I had to dive the deepest into his personality.

Marcus Branbury, you're frickin' twisted, man.

[jael_the_scribe]

Oh my! Yes, I did like this story. I found it moving, creepy and strangely seductive in its POV.

One typo here:

Indian heat pools inside the courtroom, and the old man sweats visible streams from under his wig. This courtroom has no women in it. Then [They] were emptied out, for men must protect the fairer sex from horrors like these presented this day.

[realelvish]

Thanks for pointing that out!

Interesting choice of words: seductive. In the workshop, someone said it started out like a porno, which is really bizarre seeing as I've never read pornography before, much less written it.

[jael_the_scribe]

I've never read pornography before, much less written it.

Well, I'll confess that I've read my share. I would certainly not call this pornography, but, since you are in the POV of a person who has been seduced by these urges, it does have a somewhat erotic quality about it. What I am seeing here is the story of a man driven mad because he cannot come to terms with his own hidden nature.

One thing confused me a little -- I caught a glimpse of him as he tended the horses one afternoon. And then,

“My throat tightened, so I shook my head. His glance seduced me. His gaze owned me. ‘I’ll have you,’ I said.

“His chin snapped up and he smiled broadly.

“‘Report to the stable manager.’

It seems like he's smiling because he was just hired, but wasn't he already hired? BTW that 'I'll have you' is a brilliant double-entendre. Very nice line!

[realelvish]

What I am seeing here is the story of a man driven mad because he cannot come to terms with his own hidden nature.

To relate it to the metaphor: Marcus can't see that the scales are on his own skin.

It seems like he's smiling because he was just hired, but wasn't he already hired?

Or he thought he was in trouble and about to be fired. I'll figure out a way to clarify that.

At what point in the story did Ananta actually die, in your opinion?