Reading Twilight So You Don't Have To: Chapter Nine
Chapter Eight
Previously, on Twilight...
Bella went on a shopping trip with the girls to a nearby town, Port Angeles. While in search of a bookstore (since the hippie new-age bookstore was waaaaaaay not cool enough for Our Heroine), she gets cornered and nearly assaulted and/or raped by four men. But who should ride to her rescue, but Edward! He then commands and orders her to go to dinner, and she obeys. There, hostess and waitresses alike swoon over his perfect perfection while he informs Bella that she is a magnet for trouble and clearly cannot survive without his heroic manly self always at her side to save her. He admits he can read minds, except hers, and tells her he wanted to kill--literally--her attackers. Her response is to be thrilled they still have an hour-long drive home in which to be together. Only, now it's her turn to tell answer his questions. Which brings us to...
Chapter Nine: Theory
Bella doesn't really want to answer his questions, so she stalls, asking Edward more about the mind-reading, and we find out that not only are the Cullens full of super-special vampirey goodness, but Edward is the most perfectly perfect super specialest one of them all, since only he can read minds. But Bella, of course, is super special, too, since hers is the only mind he can't read. He postulates that it's because "[her] mind doesn't work the way the rest of theirs do." Well, of course not, silly! They're from Forks, for God's sake! How could they possibly compare to Bella of Phoenix?????
Now it's Bella's turn to talk, but she stalls again when she notices the speedometer. "Holy crow!"
Holy crow? I'm sorry, did I miss that one in Interjection School? I thought Bella's last name was Swan, not Robin. "Holy crow, Batman! Aren't you driving the Batmobile a bit too fast! Like... you know... a... crow flies really fast?"
They argue for another half a page about how he's driving too fast (just in case we forgot how manly Edward is), then finally Bella tells Edward about her conversation with Jacob Black and his story about vampires, and the later internet research she did. He asks if it convinced her, and she answers that none of what she found seemed to fit (because whoever heard of a blood-drinking, pale-skinned, super-strengthed, preternaturally good-looking vampire???), but then she stopped because "I decided it didn't matter."
Edward's reaction is much like mine. "It didn't matter?... You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"
Okay, I see where Meyer is going here. I actually really like stories that use supposedly "evil" creatures as a metaphor for prejudice and stereotypes. Bella, I think, is supposed to come off as heroically compassionate, able to see past all the stories and the stereotypes to the real person beyond. Edward's question is supposed to mean, "You don't care if I'm not what society expects me to be?" Then Bella's "No" is virtuous and admirable.
The only problem is, Meyer hasn't sold it. She hasn't done the necessary set up to make this work. We're talking about vampires here. The common conception of vampires is that they're soulless killers. They feed on humans, drinking their blood and either killing them outright or turning them into demons like themselves. In order for Bella's rejection of this to work, she has to have a reason to reject it. Some sort of evidence that Edward is not a soulless killer, that he doesn't feed on humans. But so far, all we've seen of Edward is that he'll go out of his way to save Bella specifically, that he's quite fond of ordering her around and telling her she can't live without him, and that he has a really bad temper and would very much like to kill people who try to hurt Bella. Her dad's a cop, so she'd probably know if there were a lot of mysterious deaths around town, so she (and we) can probably reasonably conclude that the Cullens don't feed on the people of Forks. But for all we know, these "camping" trips of theirs involve going to some other town, capturing, torturing and feeding off whomever they like. For all we know, he's killed a human a day, every day, for his entire unlife. For all we know, if those four men had ambushed some other girl, Edward would have not only given them a by, he would've watched from a dark alley, then had some fun with her himself when they were done.
What we need for this statement to work is to see with our own eyes evidence that Edward is not what we think of when we think "vampire." Angel had to stake his sire/former lover for Buffy to believe he was good, and even then it still mattered that he was a vampire. That was, in fact, part of the drama that made the "Surprise" plot twist in season two so wonderfully, deliciously, poignant. But for Bella, good looks and interest in her is all it takes.
So while Meyer may have been going for something like "I don't care if you're a Muslim and this is post-9/11 America," what she gives us is more like "I don't care if you're Al Qaeda." Who cares if you spend your free-time plotting the destruction of thousands of innocent lives, so long as you look perfectly perfect and you save meeeeeeeeeeeee. It makes her either profoundly narcissistic or profoundly stupid. Probably both.
The discussion continues, and he admits without saying it outright that he's a vampire. Burning in sunlight and coffin sleeping are myths. In fact, he can't sleep at all. (Oh, what I would do with those extra hours if I didn't need to sleep!!!)
Then Edward who, for all his controlling and emo broodiness does actually get it, says, "You haven't asked me the most important question yet.... You aren't concerned about my diet?"
(YES! YES, WE'RE A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR DIET! DUH!)
"Oh... That."
::facepalm::
She mutters something about how Jacob told her his people said Edward's people didn't hunt. But that they were skeptical enough to make them stay off their land.
Finally, he confirms (again without saying it outright) that he doesn't hunt people, but goes on to tell her she shouldn't be complacent. He's still dangerous.
Oh, but we have his word now that he doesn't hunt. Why oh why would we ever think he's dangerous? I mean, it's not like if he actually were an evil undead creature who fed off humans he'd lie about it or anything!
He even tells her that allowing himself to be alone with her is a "very dangerous" mistake. And finally she is "hideously afraid".... that she "would never have the chance to be with him like this again."
::headdesk::
Oh, Lord, then we're back to more of him telling her that he was afraid to leave her the previous weekend, that he was worried she'd get her poor, little, damsel self into distress while he was hunting (animals), and when he sees scrapes on her hands from her falling at the beach, this confirms it. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse--and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away." SEE! You SCRAPED YOUR HANDS! It's PROOF you are in constant mortal PERIL and will not survive another SECOND without me being CONSTANTLY at your side!!!11!
Anyone got a barf bag handy?
Ooh, we finally get a tease about what exactly it is that happens to Meyer-verse vampires in the sun, but will have to wait for him to "show [her] sometime." Then she admits how miserable she was without him, and he does some more of the emo angst thing about how he's dangerous and she should stay away from him, never mind the fact that he just spent the last paragraph reiterating why she should be miserable without him because OMG SHE COULD KILL HERSELF OR SCRAPE HER HANDS OR SOMETHING!!!11!
Brood, angst, emo, angst, brood. Then he asks what she was thinking just before he showed up to rescue her, because she "looked like [she was] concentrating very hard on something." She tells him that she was trying to remember self-defense stuff she'd learned, and he is appalled that she would try to fight back. She's just a HELPLESS GIRL! How could she even THINK about trying to DEFEND HERSELF? That's the MAN'S job. "Didn't you think about running?"
"I fall down a lot when I run."
::headwall::
He delivers her home safely, and there's that awkward first-date-good-bye thing, in which she catches a whiff of his breath and even that's "exquisite." Excuse me, but the guy drinks blood. Even if it's not human blood, I can't imagine that makes for "exquisite" breath. But God forbid the perfectly perfect Edward have the tiniest little flaw...
As she gets ready for bed, she realizes she's freezing. Probably going into shock now that she's away from Edward's safety. And she comes to some conclusions.
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him--and I don't know how potent that part might be--that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
::headwall::
::headwall::
::headwall::
...
Chapter Ten
Quick Links:
Why I'm doing this | Preface & 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 16.2 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue |
Discussion Questions
Previously, on Twilight...
Bella went on a shopping trip with the girls to a nearby town, Port Angeles. While in search of a bookstore (since the hippie new-age bookstore was waaaaaaay not cool enough for Our Heroine), she gets cornered and nearly assaulted and/or raped by four men. But who should ride to her rescue, but Edward! He then commands and orders her to go to dinner, and she obeys. There, hostess and waitresses alike swoon over his perfect perfection while he informs Bella that she is a magnet for trouble and clearly cannot survive without his heroic manly self always at her side to save her. He admits he can read minds, except hers, and tells her he wanted to kill--literally--her attackers. Her response is to be thrilled they still have an hour-long drive home in which to be together. Only, now it's her turn to tell answer his questions. Which brings us to...
Chapter Nine: Theory
Bella doesn't really want to answer his questions, so she stalls, asking Edward more about the mind-reading, and we find out that not only are the Cullens full of super-special vampirey goodness, but Edward is the most perfectly perfect super specialest one of them all, since only he can read minds. But Bella, of course, is super special, too, since hers is the only mind he can't read. He postulates that it's because "[her] mind doesn't work the way the rest of theirs do." Well, of course not, silly! They're from Forks, for God's sake! How could they possibly compare to Bella of Phoenix?????
Now it's Bella's turn to talk, but she stalls again when she notices the speedometer. "Holy crow!"
Holy crow? I'm sorry, did I miss that one in Interjection School? I thought Bella's last name was Swan, not Robin. "Holy crow, Batman! Aren't you driving the Batmobile a bit too fast! Like... you know... a... crow flies really fast?"
They argue for another half a page about how he's driving too fast (just in case we forgot how manly Edward is), then finally Bella tells Edward about her conversation with Jacob Black and his story about vampires, and the later internet research she did. He asks if it convinced her, and she answers that none of what she found seemed to fit (because whoever heard of a blood-drinking, pale-skinned, super-strengthed, preternaturally good-looking vampire???), but then she stopped because "I decided it didn't matter."
Edward's reaction is much like mine. "It didn't matter?... You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"
Okay, I see where Meyer is going here. I actually really like stories that use supposedly "evil" creatures as a metaphor for prejudice and stereotypes. Bella, I think, is supposed to come off as heroically compassionate, able to see past all the stories and the stereotypes to the real person beyond. Edward's question is supposed to mean, "You don't care if I'm not what society expects me to be?" Then Bella's "No" is virtuous and admirable.
The only problem is, Meyer hasn't sold it. She hasn't done the necessary set up to make this work. We're talking about vampires here. The common conception of vampires is that they're soulless killers. They feed on humans, drinking their blood and either killing them outright or turning them into demons like themselves. In order for Bella's rejection of this to work, she has to have a reason to reject it. Some sort of evidence that Edward is not a soulless killer, that he doesn't feed on humans. But so far, all we've seen of Edward is that he'll go out of his way to save Bella specifically, that he's quite fond of ordering her around and telling her she can't live without him, and that he has a really bad temper and would very much like to kill people who try to hurt Bella. Her dad's a cop, so she'd probably know if there were a lot of mysterious deaths around town, so she (and we) can probably reasonably conclude that the Cullens don't feed on the people of Forks. But for all we know, these "camping" trips of theirs involve going to some other town, capturing, torturing and feeding off whomever they like. For all we know, he's killed a human a day, every day, for his entire unlife. For all we know, if those four men had ambushed some other girl, Edward would have not only given them a by, he would've watched from a dark alley, then had some fun with her himself when they were done.
What we need for this statement to work is to see with our own eyes evidence that Edward is not what we think of when we think "vampire." Angel had to stake his sire/former lover for Buffy to believe he was good, and even then it still mattered that he was a vampire. That was, in fact, part of the drama that made the "Surprise" plot twist in season two so wonderfully, deliciously, poignant. But for Bella, good looks and interest in her is all it takes.
So while Meyer may have been going for something like "I don't care if you're a Muslim and this is post-9/11 America," what she gives us is more like "I don't care if you're Al Qaeda." Who cares if you spend your free-time plotting the destruction of thousands of innocent lives, so long as you look perfectly perfect and you save meeeeeeeeeeeee. It makes her either profoundly narcissistic or profoundly stupid. Probably both.
The discussion continues, and he admits without saying it outright that he's a vampire. Burning in sunlight and coffin sleeping are myths. In fact, he can't sleep at all. (Oh, what I would do with those extra hours if I didn't need to sleep!!!)
Then Edward who, for all his controlling and emo broodiness does actually get it, says, "You haven't asked me the most important question yet.... You aren't concerned about my diet?"
(YES! YES, WE'RE A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR DIET! DUH!)
"Oh... That."
::facepalm::
She mutters something about how Jacob told her his people said Edward's people didn't hunt. But that they were skeptical enough to make them stay off their land.
Finally, he confirms (again without saying it outright) that he doesn't hunt people, but goes on to tell her she shouldn't be complacent. He's still dangerous.
Oh, but we have his word now that he doesn't hunt. Why oh why would we ever think he's dangerous? I mean, it's not like if he actually were an evil undead creature who fed off humans he'd lie about it or anything!
He even tells her that allowing himself to be alone with her is a "very dangerous" mistake. And finally she is "hideously afraid".... that she "would never have the chance to be with him like this again."
::headdesk::
Oh, Lord, then we're back to more of him telling her that he was afraid to leave her the previous weekend, that he was worried she'd get her poor, little, damsel self into distress while he was hunting (animals), and when he sees scrapes on her hands from her falling at the beach, this confirms it. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse--and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away." SEE! You SCRAPED YOUR HANDS! It's PROOF you are in constant mortal PERIL and will not survive another SECOND without me being CONSTANTLY at your side!!!11!
Anyone got a barf bag handy?
Ooh, we finally get a tease about what exactly it is that happens to Meyer-verse vampires in the sun, but will have to wait for him to "show [her] sometime." Then she admits how miserable she was without him, and he does some more of the emo angst thing about how he's dangerous and she should stay away from him, never mind the fact that he just spent the last paragraph reiterating why she should be miserable without him because OMG SHE COULD KILL HERSELF OR SCRAPE HER HANDS OR SOMETHING!!!11!
Brood, angst, emo, angst, brood. Then he asks what she was thinking just before he showed up to rescue her, because she "looked like [she was] concentrating very hard on something." She tells him that she was trying to remember self-defense stuff she'd learned, and he is appalled that she would try to fight back. She's just a HELPLESS GIRL! How could she even THINK about trying to DEFEND HERSELF? That's the MAN'S job. "Didn't you think about running?"
"I fall down a lot when I run."
::headwall::
He delivers her home safely, and there's that awkward first-date-good-bye thing, in which she catches a whiff of his breath and even that's "exquisite." Excuse me, but the guy drinks blood. Even if it's not human blood, I can't imagine that makes for "exquisite" breath. But God forbid the perfectly perfect Edward have the tiniest little flaw...
As she gets ready for bed, she realizes she's freezing. Probably going into shock now that she's away from Edward's safety. And she comes to some conclusions.
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him--and I don't know how potent that part might be--that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
::headwall::
::headwall::
::headwall::
...
Chapter Ten
Quick Links:
Why I'm doing this | Preface & 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 16.2 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue |
Discussion Questions