Very very nice. A lot of good symbolism here, like that ribbon. The shifting POV's are a bit confusing in that it seemed like you were going to give everyone's perspective in this. What made you add Neptune's POV in this as well?
I wonder if that challenge was too easy. Did you find yourself wanting to make Venus speak? It worked brilliantly without words, and I have to assume the way this story was focused, dialogue would have gotten in the way. This turned out very well, just the right about of dark, and that sliver of hope at the end is fine *grins big* Thank you for taking up this challenge, I'll comment on the other stories here tomorrow.
*snuggles the very nice* The ribbon comes from the other two stories of mine. Actually I think there are three, but one wasn't very clear that it was part of the heartstring series.
POV shift... Uranus wanted to tell the tale, then Venus insisted it was her month, then Neptune insisted that the control stuff would be stronger because she and Uranus had broken it before. The others were supposed to tell their side, but then refused when Venus glared and huffed that it was HER month.
Wanting to make her speak... gosh yes. I wanted her to form word thoughts, to yell at the shadow, to rail at Galaxia out loud. Just a word or two... But as you can tell I persevered.
And you are welcome. Now I just have to get the part two in here so you guys can read it too.
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I wonder if that challenge was too easy. Did you find yourself wanting to make Venus speak? It worked brilliantly without words, and I have to assume the way this story was focused, dialogue would have gotten in the way. This turned out very well, just the right about of dark, and that sliver of hope at the end is fine *grins big* Thank you for taking up this challenge, I'll comment on the other stories here tomorrow.
Reply
POV shift... Uranus wanted to tell the tale, then Venus insisted it was her month, then Neptune insisted that the control stuff would be stronger because she and Uranus had broken it before. The others were supposed to tell their side, but then refused when Venus glared and huffed that it was HER month.
Wanting to make her speak... gosh yes. I wanted her to form word thoughts, to yell at the shadow, to rail at Galaxia out loud. Just a word or two... But as you can tell I persevered.
And you are welcome. Now I just have to get the part two in here so you guys can read it too.
Reply
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