I enjoyed this a lot. You got Mars' character done very well. I know this comes from a AU storyline you wrote, but I can't recall which...
Age is a theme I'm guessing, and something caught me as off, but it might be explained in the setting of the story that I just don't know about. You repeat that Mars has dark locks of hair, suggesting that her hair is still thick, lush, and black, and then go on to mention that Mars can hide her weaknesses from Serenity well because she's has a couple millenias worth of practice.
Then this statement comes up: "Time was beginning to move again. Soon, she would need to buy dye to cover the grey that would appear in her hair and facial cream to keep the wrinkles at bay."
Not AU but way way in the future. Click on the link at the bottom for Neptune, that is the first one in this series. The senshi are finally able to get old - time is moving for them. Mars knows she is going to die soon. Not only her, but all of them. It is part of her Immortality series. ^-^
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Age is a theme I'm guessing, and something caught me as off, but it might be explained in the setting of the story that I just don't know about. You repeat that Mars has dark locks of hair, suggesting that her hair is still thick, lush, and black, and then go on to mention that Mars can hide her weaknesses from Serenity well because she's has a couple millenias worth of practice.
Then this statement comes up:
"Time was beginning to move again. Soon, she would need to buy dye to cover the grey that would appear in her hair and facial cream to keep the wrinkles at bay."
I get thrown off here.
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