Poor Ami... but she will enjoy it. Honestly she will. And you have an icon for you in the userpics. Take it and use it, please. It is the one with Mamo and Usa.
I need an opinion on the library story when you have a brief moment. "Trust and Chocolate" as well as "I'd rather be queen." Did I mess up Pluto? Aserene loved them, Senium like them. But the later questioned Puu in the first story. Opinion ple-e-e-e-a--as-e. *bats eyelashes*
*is really bad* Puu seemed all right to me in those stories. I noticed a few typos I was going to catch for you this weekend, but overall they were good and the characterization was good.
Yeah icon! I saw it, but I haven't snagged it yet. I didn't realize it was mine. ^-^
*sigh* Back to RL before I get fired for goofing off all day...
I understand Ami is a Super Genius and all, but what kind of six year old has that kind of vocabulary? How can she string sentences so perfectly? I don't know how normal six year olds act but I couldn't get past how much that was bugging me.
Only thing that would make this story a little easier to follow would be descriptions for Usagi and Shingo (mostly for him, I had no idea he was there till the mother introduced them). Usagi too seemed to speak really well for a toddler...
what kind of six year old has that kind of vocabulary? Ummm... My niece Neko-chan? *pokes Ree for opinion* She has always been very articulate and thoughtful for her age.
Toddler? *raised eyebrow* Usagi is the same age as Ami, isn't she? And I said that Shingo was sitting on Ikuko's hip when Saeko opened the door... Didn't I? Hmmm...
You mentioned Shingo, but didn't make it clear that he wasn't Usagi. So, when you told Usa to hold the bag, it appeared that you were talking to Shingo. Mention the blonde girl holding her hand. And yes, Usa is six as well.
Language issues...6 yrs old... Hebi is six right now and can string these together. Umi is five and is kind of close.
So... Ami using those words didn't seem out of place to me at all.
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I need an opinion on the library story when you have a brief moment. "Trust and Chocolate" as well as "I'd rather be queen." Did I mess up Pluto? Aserene loved them, Senium like them. But the later questioned Puu in the first story. Opinion ple-e-e-e-a--as-e. *bats eyelashes*
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Yeah icon! I saw it, but I haven't snagged it yet. I didn't realize it was mine. ^-^
*sigh* Back to RL before I get fired for goofing off all day...
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Only thing that would make this story a little easier to follow would be descriptions for Usagi and Shingo (mostly for him, I had no idea he was there till the mother introduced them). Usagi too seemed to speak really well for a toddler...
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Toddler? *raised eyebrow* Usagi is the same age as Ami, isn't she? And I said that Shingo was sitting on Ikuko's hip when Saeko opened the door... Didn't I? Hmmm...
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Language issues...6 yrs old... Hebi is six right now and can string these together. Umi is five and is kind of close.
So... Ami using those words didn't seem out of place to me at all.
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And I tweaked it a bit. Is that better? Can you tell that there are definitely two children of different ages/who they are in the doorway?
Domo!
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