(Untitled)

[raya_light]

Snow Day... It just wouldn't leave me alone, and it seemed short enough to attempt at lunch

Comments

[seniumboy]

I understand Ami is a Super Genius and all, but what kind of six year old has that kind of vocabulary? How can she string sentences so perfectly? I don't know how normal six year olds act but I couldn't get past how much that was bugging me.

Only thing that would make this story a little easier to follow would be descriptions for Usagi and Shingo (mostly for him, I had no idea he was there till the mother introduced them). Usagi too seemed to speak really well for a toddler...

[raya_light]

what kind of six year old has that kind of vocabulary? Ummm... My niece Neko-chan? *pokes Ree for opinion* She has always been very articulate and thoughtful for her age.

Toddler? *raised eyebrow* Usagi is the same age as Ami, isn't she? And I said that Shingo was sitting on Ikuko's hip when Saeko opened the door... Didn't I? Hmmm...

[sheankelor]

You mentioned Shingo, but didn't make it clear that he wasn't Usagi. So, when you told Usa to hold the bag, it appeared that you were talking to Shingo. Mention the blonde girl holding her hand. And yes, Usa is six as well.

Language issues...6 yrs old... Hebi is six right now and can string these together. Umi is five and is kind of close.

So... Ami using those words didn't seem out of place to me at all.

[raya_light]

Hmmm... I think he was more worried about the complex sentence structure than the words. Still think the same?

And I tweaked it a bit. Is that better? Can you tell that there are definitely two children of different ages/who they are in the doorway?

Domo!

[sheankelor]

Yep, can id 2 kids now, and the sentence structure is what makes it Ami. The first snow demon was at about that level, so Ami would be.