Walk Me Back Through; Jonghyun/Taemin (1/2)
Title: Walk Me Back Through
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin (side Minho/Kibum)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 14,328 words
Summary: Taemin finds that even when the world ends, sometimes it's just the beginning.
A/N: a/n: Title taken from "Fields" by Adam Lambert. Huge, huge thank yous: to C, who helped me with Seoul geography so that this is at least somewhat accurate; to tinychatters, wall of text anon, B, and R, who helped me make this even better than it would have been via crit and cheerleading and everything. ♥ you all.
Prompt: #10; Jonghyun/Taemin; City lights
It's been a week since the moon was blown up and Taemin's still walking.
He'd been in school when it happened, when the world shuddered on its axis and ended as everyone knew it. He can't remember much of the first day. It's all a blur of smoky gray and fiery orange, the panic and pain that settled in the pit of his stomach, the losses.
He's got a picture of his family in his pocket, one from the vacation they took earlier in the year. The edges are curled in from the way he clutches it in his hand from time to time, as if wishing so hard it makes his head ache and his chest feel tight will bring them back.
The second day is clearer. Taemin had been hesitant to leave his home, but it was no place to stay, not with the shape it was in or the way Taemin couldn't stop crying every time he went into the living room. He'd given his family a proper burial, digging and digging until he had blisters on his hands and felt so exhausted that he'd wondered if he would ever wake up again once he fell asleep. Part of him hadn't wanted to. He'd sung them broken songs, instead, until he fell asleep curled around his mother's grave.
Taemin's clearest memory of the past week is his first real look outside, when he'd left his home for good. The sky was heavy with dust, the usual blue stained with ash, and the ground was littered with rubble and what was left of life. What was left of the moon was huge in the sky, so close to Earth now that Taemin could see the craters in its pieces. It was like looking at shattered glass, reflecting all that was wrong in the world.
He remembers looking out and feeling a blanket of numb apathy settle over him. It was calming.
Taemin stumbles, jarred out of his thoughts. He looks down; there's an arm sticking out from beneath a pile of misshapen concrete blocks. Taemin curls the arm around a block, out of the way, and keeps on walking.
Nightfall seems to come more quickly now, so it's not long before Taemin can hardly make out where he's going. He stops by a convenience store to rummage for food and manages to find several bags of chips and some candy bars, which should keep him for the night. It takes him a while before he finds a house that's not too damaged to overnight in.
Taemin steps inside warily, casting a quick glance around. Glass crunches beneath his feet as he moves further into the house, scanning for house pets left behind or someone who may have already claimed this as their temporary home. The coast seems clear enough, so Taemin sinks down on the couch with a sigh, toeing off his shoes to give his aching feet a rest. He sets most of his food aside and is about to open one of the bags when he hears footsteps from the hallway.
"Hey, you gonna share?"
Taemin jumps up, the bag forgotten, and stares. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't think anyone was here," he says, swallowing hard. He hasn't come across anyone threatening yet, but in hard times like these, you never know what could happen. "I can leave, if you want."
"What? Are you kidding me? I haven't seen anyone alive in days," the guy says, shaking his head. "And you've got food, too."
Taemin glances at his meager supply, his stomach voicing its dislike at the thought of sharing. "Oh," he says. It feels like forever since he's conversed with another person.
"I'm Jonghyun, by the way." He looks friendly enough, Jonghyun. He even smiles, hands in his pockets, looking boyish and normal. His jeans are faded and worn out, and he's got a scratch on his arm that's scabbing over.
"Taemin," Taemin replies, blinking. "How old are you?"
Jonghyun waves a hand, scoffing. "Do formalities really matter now? No one's going to judge you, just be comfortable."
Taemin realizes then that Jonghyun's been speaking informally the entire time. He's not sure what to think of this, but Jonghyun saves him the trouble of replying. "So, you gonna share?" he asks again. Taemin must have showed his hesitancy, because Jonghyun adds, with a tiny grin, "Don't worry, I don't eat much."
"Um, okay, I guess," Taemin says. He'd feel like an ass if he refused anyway, and he's positive Jonghyun is older than him and even if the world is ending, Taemin's not going to throw away everything he was taught by someone he'll never see again.
"Hey, you okay?" Jonghyun's voice is soft and gentle.
Taemin realizes that his cheeks are wet and his throat is burning. He holds back the worst of it, though, nodding. "I'm fine," he manages to say, wiping at his cheeks. "I'm eighteen. If it's okay with you, I'm going to keep speaking formally, hyung."
Jonghyun hums, watching Taemin like he's some rare specimen under a microscope. "Alright," he finally says, walking to the couch. He sits down and pats the space beside him. "Come on, then. Let your hyung treat you to dinner."
Taemin has to laugh at that, seeing as he's the one who brought the food, and Jonghyun smiles at him in an obviously pleased way. They eat in companionable silence for a while, the tension Taemin's been feeling fading away bit by bit. He figures if Jonghyun was going to harm him, he'd have done it by now. Jonghyun doesn't exactly look like a crazy psychotic person, anyway.
When Jonghyun slings an arm around Taemin's shoulders like it's the most natural thing in the world, he's surprised to find that he doesn't mind it at all.
"Is this your house?" Taemin asks when they've finished everything off, the quietude making him restless.
Jonghyun nods, fingers tapping against his thigh. "My family's over in Japan right now," he says, his face drawn with sadness for the first time since Taemin's met him. "I still had classes, so I couldn't go."
"Oh," Taemin murmurs, hugging his knees. He waits a moment, then adds, "I buried mine in our backyard." His chest feels tight and his throat closes despite his best efforts. He shuts his eyes.
There's warmth on his hand, Jonghyun having pulled it from Taemin's leg. Jonghyun's fingertip is light as it traces over the blisters. "I wondered," he says in a soft voice. After another moment of fleeting touches, he grips Taemin's wrist, tugging. "Come on, you can sleep with me in my bed. This couch isn't very comfortable, trust me."
Taemin's feet give a slight throb, almost as if they're agreeing. He can't bring himself to argue, so he follows Jonghyun without resistance. He doesn't remember much after that, just Jonghyun's breath warm against his neck as Jonghyun sings him to sleep.
When Taemin wakes up, Jonghyun's gone. There's a slight moment of panic at being alone again, but he doesn't think Jonghyun is the type of person to like being alone, either. He calms himself with a deep breath and the assurance that even if Jonghyun did leave, he's managed by himself all this time, and he can do so again.
Once his heart's beating normally again, he makes his way to the living room, calling Jonghyun's name.
"In here, Taemin-ah," Jonghyun answers, "Kitchen."
There's glass on the way, so Taemin puts on his shoes before he keeps going. Jonghyun's sitting at the table, an assortment of old hand radios laid out in front of him.
"My dad collects them. Electricity's pretty hit and miss in places, so I thought I'd check and see if any of these work," Jonghyun says amidst static. "Maybe someone's giving out updates somewhere."
Taemin nods, sitting down across from him. He watches quietly for a bit, distracted by the way Jonghyun's eyebrows furrow and his tongue peeks from the corner of his mouth as he adjusts stations. He's met with static time after time, and, with a huff, finally tosses the radio aside. "I don't think anyone's there."
Taemin rests his chin in his hand, shrugging. "How long have you been trying?"
"Ten minutes," Jonghyun replies, cheeks tinted pink but expression resolute.
Taemin snorts, picking up the radio. "You could go get food while I try, hyung," he says as innocently as he can. Jonghyun favors him with a look, but he doesn't put up much protest. Taemin's tempted to go with him-fiddling with a radio while walking isn't that hard-but he's just gotten up and he's feeling lazy.
"I'll be back in a few," Jonghyun says, shaking his head.
Taemin doesn't reply, absorbed in turning the dial little by little, thorough and determined. He figures if anyone is using a radio station to broadcast news, it'll be one of the low-key stations, maybe an older one that doesn't rely on the heavy technology that permeates the world. It's a long shot at best, but there's not much else to hope for.
He hardly registers when Jonghyun gets back and only nods and hums noncommittally as he's told about the bottled water Jonghyun found in the storage area. "Are you even listening to me?" Jonghyun says, opening an energy bar. "Did you find anything yet?"
"No, hyung," Taemin replies, reaching for the water.
"No, you're not listening to me, or no, you haven't found anything?" It sounds like Jonghyun might be smiling. Taemin looks up, to be sure, and gives a tiny smile in return. He gives the dial another twist and then there's a voice; it's crackly with static, but it's a voice. "Oh!" Jonghyun says, leaning over Taemin.
"-supplies and limited electricity. This is a looped message to all survivors. We have set up a camp in a large warehouse just outside of Seoul, to the east. The physical address is-
A wave of heavy static drowns out the rest of the message, and Jonghyun curses. "Well, we've got a vague location," he says with a sigh.
"We're going, then?" Taemin asks. For a moment, he wonders when it became 'we', but as he ponders it further, he realizes it's doubtful he'd want to make so long a walk with no one to keep him company. That, and Jonghyun is intriguing, someone Taemin is sure he could have made friends with in different circumstances.
Shaking away his musings, Taemin focuses on the conversation at hand. There were obvious reasons he wanted to leave his own home, but Jonghyun's is in good shape despite being without electricity. "And, what if your family makes it back? How will they know where to find you?"
Jonghyun shrugs, popping the last bit of the energy bar into his mouth. "I'll leave a note." His voice is tight, like he's hiding behind bravado. "We can't just stay here forever, Taemin-ah. That store will run out of food eventually, and we have no means to cook anything here." He glances around, brows furrowed in thought. "I think there's some hiking gear in the garage, so we can use that to stock up."
"Yeah," Taemin says, rolling the bottle of water between his hands. "It'll take us ages to get there." He grimaces. "At least two weeks. I think even longer, since we're almost all the way west and we have no clear idea where in the east it is."
Jonghyun claps his hands. "Well, let's get started, then," he says, his eyes flashing with decision. "See if we can't make it there in less than that."
It takes them the rest of the day to get provisions, extra clothes and everything they're positive they'll need packed up and ready to go. Jonghyun grabs a wagon from his neighbor's backyard, and they use that to load up four cases of bottled water. They decide to take all of the radios as well. "Just in case we find out anything about Japan," Jonghyun'd said with a funny tone to his voice, and Taemin had been suddenly grateful for his closure.
With nightfall looming when they're finished, they hold off on leaving until the next day. Jonghyun's house still has running water, so they both take their turns in the shower, and though Jonghyun's clothes are a little too loose for Taemin, they're better than his own week-old, dirty ones.
"You look cute," Jonghyun says, laughing, when Taemin comes out of the bathroom in an over-sized tank top that nearly swallows him whole.
Taemin blushes and smacks Jonghyun's shoulder as he flops onto the bed. "Do not."
"Do too," Jonghyun says, relentless, and turns to lie on his stomach. He's got the radio they used earlier on the pillow, quiet static coming from its speakers. The message they'd heard before still hasn't sorted itself out. Jonghyun had said it might just be their equipment shorting out and they would probably fix it soon.
"You look like a girl, you know?" Jonghyun continues. He tilts his head, lips quirked into a grin that probably isn't meant to be lewd at all, but with his tongue tracing the edges of his teeth like it is, Taemin doesn't know what else to think. "You'd have made a good idol."
Taemin ignores the way his cheeks only get hotter and goes for a change of subject, because this one makes him a little uncomfortable-especially considering he's wearing Jonghyun's clothes, exactly like a girl staying the night would. "Why didn't you train to be one, hyung? You sounded good last night."
Jonghyun picks at a loose thread in the bedding. "I thought about it. I even studied at a music school for a while." He lifts a shoulder and rolls onto his side, tossing the radio to the floor. "My mom got sick, though, so I dropped out to stay home and help take care of her. After that..." He shrugs again, licks his lips. "It just didn't seem as important anymore."
"Oh," Taemin says, "Is she better now? You said they were on vacation, right?"
"She's getting better and better every day," Jonghyun says, his eyes closed. He reaches out and tugs at Taemin's arm. "We should sleep now, Taemin-ah. Long day ahead of us tomorrow."
Taemin frowns, but goes with the pull, not wanting to pry. If it were the other way around, he doesn't think he'd want to discuss his family right now, either. He still can't shake the nagging voice in his head that tells him Jonghyun needs to accept that his family may be gone. The wreckage that is Seoul-what Taemin's seen of it, anyway-suggests the rest of the world didn't fare so well, either.
As he buries his face into Jonghyun's chest, the scent of soap and something unidentifiable that could be Jonghyun surrounding him, Taemin hopes they'll be able to talk about these things with a little more ease in the future.
Jonghyun sings quietly, once again the last thing Taemin remembers before sleep overtakes him.
The first few days on the road aren't anything new for Taemin, save for Jonghyun's company. The plan is to go as straight through Seoul as they can, only stopping for occasional food breaks and for nights. Jonghyun is chatty, and even though Taemin doesn't have much to add, it seems not to deter him. Taemin doesn't mind; it's better than the alternative, by far. He's also noticed that Jonghyun isn't afraid of touching in the least, always with a hand on Taemin's shoulder or fingers curling around Taemin's wrist.
When it happens, Taemin finds himself wondering if Jonghyun knows he's doing it, trying to keep his mind off of how his stomach flips and how he wants to touch back. As the days wear on, he's beginning to doubt it, though. Everything Jonghyun does has the appearance of impulsiveness, normality-from his lightening-quick smiles to the way he hums or sings when he's run out of things to talk about.
Before this, he would probably have balked at the thought of wanting something more than friendship with a guy, but with everything that's happened, he can't find it in himself to try denying things. It's not like anyone will care-he doesn't even have parents to disown him for being homosexual, now.
And Taemin has to admit, he likes the way Jonghyun's touches make his skin tingle, likes the way Jonghyun grins at him, making his breath catch in his throat. It fills him with feeling again, reminds him that even without sunshine, there's still something that breaks through the gray haze of dust surrounding them. Still, he's not about to go laying one on Jonghyun just because he's come to terms with himself; not when their friendship is still so new, and certainly not without some kind of sign that Jonghyun won't just punch him in return.
The last thing he needs, with current events as they are, is wounded pride.
"Do you sing, Taemin-ah?" Jonghyun asks while they're taking one of their breaks. Jonghyun'd been singing most of the day, and each time he started a new song he'd try to get Taemin to join in. Taemin had refused, not wanting to disrupt the beautiful sounds with his own weak, whiny voice.
Taemin shakes his head, tossing Jonghyun one of the waters from the wagon. It veers off slightly; it's been his turn to pull the wagon for the past hour, and even after four days, his arms still protest. "Not very well, no. I was always better at dancing."
Jonghyun brightens from his perch on a pile of rubble, where he blends in with his streaked face and dust-coated hair. "If you're not too tired, could you show me something?" he asks, and though every part of Taemin wants to say no, it's been so long since he's danced and enjoyed it. Jonghyun gives Taemin one of his rare, wide-open smiles as Taemin moves out into a cleared space, and his heart does a stuttered tut against his ribcage.
He starts simple, something he'd been working on with Minjae after school. There's no music, but he can pretend, just for a moment, that he's back in the dance studio and Minjae's laughing and urging him on. Somehow he ends up doing the whole routine, left out of breath and aching in more ways than physical. Jonghyun, to his credit, doesn't say anything, just hands him a bottle of water and runs a hand through Taemin's hair.
They sit in silence for the remainder of the break, Jonghyun's thigh warm against Taemin's. He fits his fingers between Taemin's and while Taemin's not in a particularly touchy mood, he can't make himself give up the contact. Even now, he's still cleaved open and raw from everything he's lost. With his free hand, he reaches into his pocket, fingers curling around the familiar, worn photograph.
"Time to go," Jonghyun says softly after a while, giving Taemin's hand a brief squeeze before detaching himself.
Taemin looks down the road ahead of them; it's littered with stalled or overturned cars, bodies and debris, nothing like its former, grander self. He sighs. "Yeah."
It takes them past nightfall to find a house they can stay in. The neighborhood they're passing through has been badly damaged, to the point where they've had to re-route themselves several times to get the wagon through all the rubble. Taemin decides he is not looking forward to reaching the city center, at all, if this is any indication of how rough it will be.
Jonghyun lets Taemin shower first while he heads back to the store a block back the way they came, to scrounge for proper food stuffs. Both of them admit they're not very skilled in cooking, but after the day they've had, they both agree that anything is better than the junk food they've been eating.
The anticipation of a warm, cooked meal for the first time in what seems like ages has Taemin so excited he can't stay still. He doesn't take a shower immediately, however, a trickle of worry nagging at him as he watches Jonghyun make his way down the road.
Nighttime, now, is a magnificent thing to behold. What's left of the moon still reflects the sun's rays and creates a broken light show, giant stars that are big enough to be seen through the haze of grit coating the air. Despite this, there's still not enough light to see past a few feet or so, and he tears his gaze away from the sky just as Jonghyun is swallowed by cloudy black.
There's nothing else for him to do but go get his shower done with, so that Jonghyun can have one as soon as he returns. Jonghyun's still gone when he finishes, so he busies himself by fiddling with the radios, hoping to find even a scrap of news. They have all the radios set to the station that played the looped message before, and after checking all of them and getting only static, he starts changing the station on the main one. It's in considerably better shape than the others, which means it is his best bet on receiving anything.
Taemin's still perusing the stations when Jonghyun comes in with several bags, panting and sweaty. "Fuck, it's hot out." His gaze slides to the radio as he drops the bags. "Anything?"
"Nope," Taemin says. At the unreadable flash of something in Jonghyun's eyes, he decides to turn the radio off. After tucking it back into the backpack, he reaches for a change of subject. "What did you find?"
Jonghyun seems to relax somewhat, and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, smearing grime. "Kimchi stew sound okay? The fridge at that store was still cool, so the kimchi and pork should still be alright, I think."
Taemin's stomach gives a loud answer in the positive and Jonghyun grins. "Don't say a word," he says, hiding his own smile behind a hand. He stands, grabbing bags with one hand and pushing at Jonghyun with the other. "Go shower, hyung. I think I can manage kimchi stew."
Jonghyun shoots Taemin a grateful look over his shoulder as he heads down the hallway. Taemin feels pleased, until Jonghyun calls, "Just don't burn the house down!" He scoffs, hoisting the bags up, and heads for the kitchen. He has to search a little for everything else they need for the meal, but he's got everything halfway ready when Jonghyun enters, lazily toweling his wet hair. He pointedly looks away.
"What do you want me to do?" Jonghyun asks, leaning over the counter. "I can start on the stove-top stuff if you want to keep chopping."
"Sure, hyung," Taemin says, waving Jonghyun away when his hair starts dripping on everything. "But dry your hair first, geez."
Jonghyun sticks his tongue out, but ambles off with one of those grins that makes Taemin's stomach do unimaginable feats. When he gets back, Taemin's got most of the chopping done, and things proceed smoothly after that. There's a lull where it has to cook for half an hour, in which Jonghyun lounges on the couch and Taemin takes the floor, with his head resting on Jonghyun's thigh.
"Hyung?"
Jonghyun answers with a hum.
"If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you want to do before you go?"
"What?" Jonghyun asks, his voice low and sleepy.
Taemin almost tells him to go to bed, but they both haven't had anything to eat since their break earlier in the day. "Like a bucket list," he says, turning to give Jonghyun a reproachful look. "You saw that movie, right?"
Jonghyun blinks slowly at Taemin, head tilted. "You're really morbid, you know?"
"No," Taemin says, snorting, "I'm just curious. And you can't deny our situation really sucks right now."
Jonghyun props himself up on his elbows, sighing. "What is there to do? All the good stuff is probably gone now." His mouth turns down in a pout. "No more Lotte World."
Taemin grins. "You mean that's all you'd want to do? Go to Lotte World?"
"Lotte World was awesome!" The way Jonghyun looks when he's offended, eyes comically wide and mouth open, has Taemin laughing despite his sour mood. Jonghyun joins in after a moment, leaning forward to shove at his shoulder. "I always wanted to have my first date there," Jonghyun adds after they've quieted down, his tone almost regretful.
Taemin imagines Jonghyun on a date, nervous and stilted at the unfamiliar atmosphere until his tension melts into confident smiles and fleeting touches. He would be a good boyfriend-considerate, thoughtful, gentle. Sometimes when Jonghyun sings something slow and beautiful, there's a passion simmering beneath the surface, a passion Taemin could easily see him infusing into a relationship. The last thought brings heat with it, prickling beneath his skin. "That sounds like a nice first date, hyung. But that didn't answer my question."
Jonghyun hums again, his leg jiggling slightly behind Taemin's head. "A decent kiss. My first sucked," he says with a small laugh, "Or maybe write music for idol groups. I have this really great idea for a song inspired by Romeo and Juliet."
Taemin hides a laugh behind his hand.
"Well," Jonghyun says, poking Taemin's shoulder hard, "What about you? And shut up, Romeo and Juliet is awesome."
That takes some thought. When he asked, he didn't really have anything in mind for his own bucket list. Jonghyun's sparked something inside of him, however; memories of his school crushes replay in his head, things he could have done and never did. Things he'll never do. "A first kiss would be nice."
"A first kiss?" Jonghyun leans over to tease, eyebrows wiggling and grin sharp. "Oh Taemin-ah, you are such a deprived child."
"Hey!" Taemin pushes Jonghyun's face away, that slow burn rising inside of him again. "You've only had one, hyung. Don't get cocky!"
Jonghyun falls back to the couch again, watching him with an unclear expression, mouth quirked. He resists the urge to squirm beneath the weight of it. Jonghyun opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by the timer going off in the kitchen. He jumps up with a shout, leaving Taemin to follow in a less enthusiastic manner, feeling off-balance.
The meal is too short-lived for Taemin's liking, and the only bed in the small house is barely big enough for the two of them. Though he's gotten used to Jonghyun's disregard for personal space, he's still dubious about this tension that lingers in his gut like lead. There'd been something in Jonghyun's eyes and in the curve of his lips, a mischievous sort of aura that seemed more serious than playful. He shivers just thinking of it.
"Cold?" Jonghyun asks, shaking him out of his reverie. He shakes his head and curls into himself beneath the blankets. Jonghyun hums softly as he pulls Taemin close, his lips brushing the nape of Taemin's neck as he shifts to get comfortable. Taemin squeezes his eyes shut and holds back a loud sigh as goosebumps pop up all over. "Good night, Taemin-ah," Jonghyun murmurs and his breath almost seems to scald Taemin as it ghosts across his skin.
As if not wanting to be outdone by the goosebumps, another part of his anatomy makes itself known, and he curses puberty to hell. This time he does sigh, and tries to gently untangle himself from the arm Jonghyun's got wrapped around his middle.
"I was comfortable," Jonghyun whines as Taemin slides out of the bed.
"I'll be back, hyung, it'll only take a moment," Taemin says, rushing to get out of the room before Jonghyun can open his eyes and see what's got him so flustered. The bathroom is small and dusty, filled with stupid marine animal trinkets that are the least sexy things in the world. He reaches a hand into his boxers and the rush of pleasure that accompanies his loose grip has him falling back against the door with a soft thump and an even quieter gasp. He jerks himself hard and fast, using his pre-cum as lubricant when the friction gets to be too much, choking back noises behind a hand.
Unbidden, Jonghyun flashes through his mind, grinning wide and open with his tongue tracing his lips; Taemin's gone in a jolt of white-out bliss. He bites down as he bucks forward, a strangled moan caught in his throat. He strokes himself a couple more times through aftershocks, and then he slides to the floor, panting. A throb in his hand makes itself known and he looks down, surprised to find indents smeared in red. He licks his lips with a grimace at the metallic taste, and once he's steady enough, begins to clean himself off.
Jonghyun's breathing is deep and even when Taemin returns to the room. He's sprawled out, taking up most of the mattress, and Taemin doesn't want to face him just yet. He decides to take the couch tonight.
The next day is awkward and Taemin's uneasiness doesn't help matters any. He keeps Jonghyun at a distance, and it's not hard to see that Jonghyun's hurt by this, but the last thing he needs is another impromptu erection out in broad daylight. Add this to not sleeping well the night before and the fact that they've been walking through an urban wasteland with nothing but rotting bodies and grit, and soon Taemin's just downright moody. As a result of this, Jonghyun gets sulky and snappy, and when Taemin trips and overturns the wagon, their frustration reaches the boiling point.
"Jesus fucking christ, Taemin, did you completely miss that huge rock there?"
"Fuck off," Taemin snarls, not in the mood to be respectable, "I'm tired, okay?"
"What the hell is wrong with you today?" Jonghyun yells, slamming his backpack on the ground. Dust rises like a cloud of angry bees, only adding to the grime in the air. "I'm tired too, but you're just being an asshole!"
"Could you just stop shouting and come help me pick this up?" Taemin snaps, his hands shaking at his sides. As ill-tempered as he is right now, he's also never been a fan of confrontation and his anxiety is making him sick to his stomach. "I'd really like to get moving again so we can cover as much ground as possible."
"Not until you tell me what's got you so pissed off," Jonghyun says, crossing his arms over his chest.
Taemin raises his chin and takes a deep breath. "Nothing."
"Bullshit," Jonghyun replies, "You're a terrible liar, Taemin-ah." He starts to take a step forward, but a menacing growl from the side makes them both freeze.
Jonghyun's the first to glance over, and when Taemin follows suit, he almost wishes he hadn't. A week ago, he would have sighed in relief and thought, oh, it's just a dog, but this dog looks nothing like the friendly house pet it used to be. It's one of the bigger breeds, missing an ear, halfway to emaciation and with a desperate sort of gleam in its eyes. The blood on its muzzle is the most obvious clue that this dog as gone feral, though, and he's surprised they haven't met up with more of its kind until now.
"Taemin-ah," Jonghyun says quietly, "we need to run."
Taemin's body feels wired, his heart thumping erratically in his chest like it's trying to do just that, only without him. "H-hyung, we can't," he whispers, licking his suddenly dry lips. "It'll get you, you're too close."
Jonghyun's jaw tightens in a determined sort of way and Taemin feels like throwing up. "Taemin, just go," he says as he bends down slowly, his hand stretching for the pile of rubble next to him.
"No," Taemin pleads, cringing at how pathetic he sounds, how his voice catches in his throat. "Jonghyun-hyung-" He's cut off by the dog, growling louder and inching forward as it catches sight of Jonghyun's movement. "Jonghyun."
At the sound of just his name, Jonghyun turns to Taemin, his eyes dark and intent as they lock with Taemin's. "I'm sorry, Taemin-ah. I just want you to know that, okay?"
"Stop," Taemin says through clenched teeth, blinking back tears. "Let me get something and I'll help. Maybe if we work together, you know?"
Jonghyun doesn't get the chance to reply; with a snarl, the dog lunges for him. He raises his arm defensively and pink teeth sink into it before he has the opportunity to use the rock he's got in his other hand. They both fall to the ground, Jonghyun with a pained shout as the dog jerks his arm back and forth like it's trying to yank it out of the socket. Blood drips to the ground, vibrantly red against the gray of everything and Taemin can't move, can't breathe, can't see anything but that color through a blur of hot tears in his eyes.
A crack ringing through the air, followed by a yelp, jolts Taemin out of his trance. The dog's lying on the ground, a hole in its head. Jonghyun's next to it, breathing hard and groaning, his arm a mangled mess. Taemin's spurred into action at the sight of it, skidding to a stop on his knees beside Jonghyun with a strangled sob. "Hyung," he says, holding back the urge to retch at all the blood. He's seen dead bodies everywhere but this is too personal not to affect him. "Jonghyun, say something, please."
"Fucking hurts," Jonghyun gasps. "W-Where'd the sho-"
"Get out of the way, please," a low voice says from behind Taemin. A hand clamps down on his shoulder, nudging him away. He shifts, staring at the man kneeling over Jonghyun. He's got a shotgun slung over his back, his hair ragged and falling out of the ponytail it's pulled back in. "You guys are both lucky that we're in the neighborhood, you know? That guy belongs to a pack, so we need to get out of here fast."
"Who are you?" Jonghyun says, his voice faltering. "Wait, no who's 'we'?"
"Friends." The new voice, gentler than the one belonging to the first guy, comes from behind Taemin. "Minho's right, though, we need to get moving." Taemin turns just in time to see a hand offered. He takes it, rising unsteadily on his feet due to the anxiety and leftover adrenaline still whirling around through his veins. The second guy looks as mild-mannered as he sounds, if a little rough around the edges. "I'm Jinki."
"T-Taemin," he says, glimpsing over to see Minho helping Jonghyun up. "That's Jonghyun."
"Come on, Taemin. We've got a place set up just a block ahead." Jinki leaves Taemin to help Minho with Jonghyun, who's having trouble walking; he's shaking, probably in shock. Taemin makes for their gear, his own hands a little unsteady. "Taemin," Jinki says, and he whirls around, brows furrowed. "We can come back for your things later, okay? Help us out."
He nods, leaving the backpacks. He wraps his arms around Jonghyun's waist as Jonghyun hooks an arm around his shoulders. "I'll be okay, Taemin-ah," he says, grinning, but it's not the same. The grin becomes a grimace as Jinki lifts his legs. Together, they hobble through the messy street as fast as they can, trying to avoid jostling Jonghyun around too much as well as tripping over all the wreckage in their way.
It seems like forever has passed when they finally reach their destination, which happens to be a hospital, though Taemin's not sure which one. "You guys sure picked a good place to camp out," he says, relief washing over him. Jonghyun gives a weak laugh that echoes the sentiment.
"Jaejoong-hyung might be able to fix you up," Minho says, grunting as they re-arrange positions so that Jinki can get the doors open. The momentum has Jonghyun groaning through clenched teeth, in between pants. "Yoochun-hyung had a pretty nasty break that he set and stitched up."
Taemin shudders. A break that needs stitches doesn't sound like a nice sight.
"They're in another wing. We're set up here, the cancer section," Jinki explains as they make their way down the hall. They steer Jonghyun into one of the rooms and get him on a bed, Taemin never leaving Jonghyun's side. He laces his fingers between Jonghyun's, holding tight.
Jonghyun snorts softly, like he wants to say something but is afraid to break their fear-induced truce. Taemin glances at Jonghyun's arm again, grimacing. He doesn't see how Jonghyun'll escape this without some scarring, with the way the skin is torn and smeared red. Only now does Taemin notice the blood trail back the way they came.
"We'll have to clean that up, yeah," Jinki says after following Taemin's gaze.
"I'll go get Jaejoong-hyung," Minho says. "You guys can get started if you want."
Taemin's still standing next to Jonghyun, unwilling to leave just yet. All he can do is loop their fight and the attack over and over, guilt gnawing away at him. "I'm sorry, hyung," he says. "For earlier."
"Um, I'll just be outside. Getting cleaning things," Jinki says, and does this weird salute thing as he shuffles out the door.
"Hey," Jonghyun says, bringing Taemin's attention back to him. His voice is rougher than usual and his face is pale and shiny with perspiration. "It's okay. We're both just feeling the stress. Lashing out." He shifts his arm, hissing. "Man, I hope they have some major painkillers here or something. This shit hurts."
"Hyung, " Taemin says, swallowing hard. "I wasn't just- I mean, I was stressed but it wasn't only because of...this." He waves his arms around, not sure what to title their present situation. The apocalypse sounds too gloomy, and the last thing he wants right now is gloomy.
Jonghyun frowns, about to speak, when Minho comes back in with someone Taemin supposes is Jaejoong in tow. Jaejoong, for lack of a better word, is pretty, his bright blonde hair striking even with the dust streaked through it. "Here he is, Jaejoong-hyung," Minho says and holds up the medical kit he's carrying. "Where do you want this?"
"On the table, I guess," Jaejoong replies with a shrug, his casual manner not making Taemin feel any better about this at all. He catches Taemin's eye and covers a small laugh with his hand. "I'm kind of relying on sewing skills, here."
Jonghyun's laugh is a harsh bark. "Well, at least the scars will get me girls," he says, resigned; Taemin can hear the tinge of bitterness, though. "Chicks dig them, yeah?"
Jaejoong rolls his eyes as he pulls on gloves and rummages through the kit. "You're a real little badass, sure," he says. "You allergic to anything?"
Jonghyun shakes his head no, squeezing Taemin's hand hard. "Please tell me you're asking because you have pain meds. Please."
Jaejoong grins and it reminds Taemin of Jonghyun, in the way it makes him look open and carefree. "You'll forget your own name in a few moments, don't worry," he says, pulling out some bottles and a needle with thread attached.
"Hyung," Taemin says, tearing his eyes away from the needle. He's sure he could handle watching this, but he needs something to do, needs to keep himself busy instead of standing here, feeling useless. "I'm going to go help clean up the blood."
Jonghyun lets go of his hand, fixating him with a stern gaze. "We're going to talk more after this."
"Yeah," he says, and when he smiles it feels lopsided and stupid. He feels even more ridiculous when he pats Jonghyun's leg awkwardly as he leaves to go find Jinki. He doesn't have to look far-Jinki's already got a mop to the trail just outside of the door.
"Oh, I figured you'd stay with your friend," he says, but he's smiling like he's really pleased.
"No, I didn't want to just stand there," Taemin says; still, he can't resist the backwards glance at the door.
Jinki walks past him, tugging at his sleeve. "C'mon, we'll go get you a mop, too." Once that's taken care of, there's nothing else to do but wait and watch the red darken to a murky color as it mixes with water and grit. Jinki's pleasant enough company, too, almost as chatty as Jonghyun. His humor is odd, however-nothing he says is particularly funny, but the fact that he seems to think it is gets Taemin laughing anyway. He's older than Taemin, which he expected, but Jinki's smile is child-like and contagious, lighting up the room.
"So, did you and Jonghyun know each other before this?" Jinki asks as they re-fill the mop bucket with fresh water. "Minho and I did. We've been neighbors for a few years now."
"No," Taemin answers, pouring copious amounts of cleaning solution in the bucket. "I broke into his house, kind of."
Jinki laughs, kicking at one of the brooms in the corner. It topples over with a loud clatter and Jinki rushes to pick it back up. "Did he get mad?"
Taemin grins, remembering. "He was actually...really happy. He's weird."
Jinki snorts and shuts off the water, and then they're making their way back down the hall. "Oh, well, I guess everyone is weird now, yeah?" he says, "I mean, have you seen the sky lately-it's pretty, but kind of surreal."
"You mean weird like you?" Taemin teases, snickering when Jinki smacks his arm, looking as if he's affronted. His open-mouthed expression morphs into an easy-going grin, though, as if he's used to being teased like this. Most of the rooms are empty, but they pass by another room with an occupant that Taemin wasn't aware of before, a boy about their age. He's sleeping, almost peaceful-looking but for the messily stitched gash running down the side of his face. He might have been handsome once upon a time.
"That's Kibum," Jinki says, his voice low and sad. "He and Minho go to school together and they're pretty close." He ushers Taemin on, his face drawn. "Minho's been worried sick about him. He's been like that since we found him." He looks at Taemin, more sober than Taemin's seen him since they've met. "Jaejoong-hyung's heart is in the right place, but...Jonghyun'll probably be here for a while. Yoochun-hyung's leg is infected right now, too."
Taemin doesn't say anything; the lump in his throat won't let him. Jinki twists his lips into an awkward sort of pitying expression, patting him on the back, and moves on, mop in hand.
They're approaching the doors leading outside when Minho joins them, another mop in his hand. "Jonghyun's asleep now," he says. "It's not as bad as we thought it was, but Jaejoong-hyung says it could still get infected. He cleaned it the best he could, but those dogs have all been eating..." He trails off and a memory resurfaces in Taemin's mind, an arm curled around concrete rubble. "Well, you know."
Taemin sighs. "Yeah."
"We'll just have to clean it every day," Jinki says with brightness, "Like we do for Kibum."
At the mention of Kibum's name, Minho's face darkens minutely; if Taemin hadn't been watching, intrigued by the way he seemed so cool and collected, he'd have missed it. "We should get some more buckets and water down some of the trail outside, too," he says, already heading back down the hall.
Jinki watches him go for a moment, brows furrowed, then turns back to Taemin with a smile. "Well, let's finish this up so we can get you a room."
02.
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin (side Minho/Kibum)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 14,328 words
Summary: Taemin finds that even when the world ends, sometimes it's just the beginning.
A/N: a/n: Title taken from "Fields" by Adam Lambert. Huge, huge thank yous: to C, who helped me with Seoul geography so that this is at least somewhat accurate; to tinychatters, wall of text anon, B, and R, who helped me make this even better than it would have been via crit and cheerleading and everything. ♥ you all.
Prompt: #10; Jonghyun/Taemin; City lights
It's been a week since the moon was blown up and Taemin's still walking.
He'd been in school when it happened, when the world shuddered on its axis and ended as everyone knew it. He can't remember much of the first day. It's all a blur of smoky gray and fiery orange, the panic and pain that settled in the pit of his stomach, the losses.
He's got a picture of his family in his pocket, one from the vacation they took earlier in the year. The edges are curled in from the way he clutches it in his hand from time to time, as if wishing so hard it makes his head ache and his chest feel tight will bring them back.
The second day is clearer. Taemin had been hesitant to leave his home, but it was no place to stay, not with the shape it was in or the way Taemin couldn't stop crying every time he went into the living room. He'd given his family a proper burial, digging and digging until he had blisters on his hands and felt so exhausted that he'd wondered if he would ever wake up again once he fell asleep. Part of him hadn't wanted to. He'd sung them broken songs, instead, until he fell asleep curled around his mother's grave.
Taemin's clearest memory of the past week is his first real look outside, when he'd left his home for good. The sky was heavy with dust, the usual blue stained with ash, and the ground was littered with rubble and what was left of life. What was left of the moon was huge in the sky, so close to Earth now that Taemin could see the craters in its pieces. It was like looking at shattered glass, reflecting all that was wrong in the world.
He remembers looking out and feeling a blanket of numb apathy settle over him. It was calming.
Taemin stumbles, jarred out of his thoughts. He looks down; there's an arm sticking out from beneath a pile of misshapen concrete blocks. Taemin curls the arm around a block, out of the way, and keeps on walking.
Nightfall seems to come more quickly now, so it's not long before Taemin can hardly make out where he's going. He stops by a convenience store to rummage for food and manages to find several bags of chips and some candy bars, which should keep him for the night. It takes him a while before he finds a house that's not too damaged to overnight in.
Taemin steps inside warily, casting a quick glance around. Glass crunches beneath his feet as he moves further into the house, scanning for house pets left behind or someone who may have already claimed this as their temporary home. The coast seems clear enough, so Taemin sinks down on the couch with a sigh, toeing off his shoes to give his aching feet a rest. He sets most of his food aside and is about to open one of the bags when he hears footsteps from the hallway.
"Hey, you gonna share?"
Taemin jumps up, the bag forgotten, and stares. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't think anyone was here," he says, swallowing hard. He hasn't come across anyone threatening yet, but in hard times like these, you never know what could happen. "I can leave, if you want."
"What? Are you kidding me? I haven't seen anyone alive in days," the guy says, shaking his head. "And you've got food, too."
Taemin glances at his meager supply, his stomach voicing its dislike at the thought of sharing. "Oh," he says. It feels like forever since he's conversed with another person.
"I'm Jonghyun, by the way." He looks friendly enough, Jonghyun. He even smiles, hands in his pockets, looking boyish and normal. His jeans are faded and worn out, and he's got a scratch on his arm that's scabbing over.
"Taemin," Taemin replies, blinking. "How old are you?"
Jonghyun waves a hand, scoffing. "Do formalities really matter now? No one's going to judge you, just be comfortable."
Taemin realizes then that Jonghyun's been speaking informally the entire time. He's not sure what to think of this, but Jonghyun saves him the trouble of replying. "So, you gonna share?" he asks again. Taemin must have showed his hesitancy, because Jonghyun adds, with a tiny grin, "Don't worry, I don't eat much."
"Um, okay, I guess," Taemin says. He'd feel like an ass if he refused anyway, and he's positive Jonghyun is older than him and even if the world is ending, Taemin's not going to throw away everything he was taught by someone he'll never see again.
"Hey, you okay?" Jonghyun's voice is soft and gentle.
Taemin realizes that his cheeks are wet and his throat is burning. He holds back the worst of it, though, nodding. "I'm fine," he manages to say, wiping at his cheeks. "I'm eighteen. If it's okay with you, I'm going to keep speaking formally, hyung."
Jonghyun hums, watching Taemin like he's some rare specimen under a microscope. "Alright," he finally says, walking to the couch. He sits down and pats the space beside him. "Come on, then. Let your hyung treat you to dinner."
Taemin has to laugh at that, seeing as he's the one who brought the food, and Jonghyun smiles at him in an obviously pleased way. They eat in companionable silence for a while, the tension Taemin's been feeling fading away bit by bit. He figures if Jonghyun was going to harm him, he'd have done it by now. Jonghyun doesn't exactly look like a crazy psychotic person, anyway.
When Jonghyun slings an arm around Taemin's shoulders like it's the most natural thing in the world, he's surprised to find that he doesn't mind it at all.
"Is this your house?" Taemin asks when they've finished everything off, the quietude making him restless.
Jonghyun nods, fingers tapping against his thigh. "My family's over in Japan right now," he says, his face drawn with sadness for the first time since Taemin's met him. "I still had classes, so I couldn't go."
"Oh," Taemin murmurs, hugging his knees. He waits a moment, then adds, "I buried mine in our backyard." His chest feels tight and his throat closes despite his best efforts. He shuts his eyes.
There's warmth on his hand, Jonghyun having pulled it from Taemin's leg. Jonghyun's fingertip is light as it traces over the blisters. "I wondered," he says in a soft voice. After another moment of fleeting touches, he grips Taemin's wrist, tugging. "Come on, you can sleep with me in my bed. This couch isn't very comfortable, trust me."
Taemin's feet give a slight throb, almost as if they're agreeing. He can't bring himself to argue, so he follows Jonghyun without resistance. He doesn't remember much after that, just Jonghyun's breath warm against his neck as Jonghyun sings him to sleep.
When Taemin wakes up, Jonghyun's gone. There's a slight moment of panic at being alone again, but he doesn't think Jonghyun is the type of person to like being alone, either. He calms himself with a deep breath and the assurance that even if Jonghyun did leave, he's managed by himself all this time, and he can do so again.
Once his heart's beating normally again, he makes his way to the living room, calling Jonghyun's name.
"In here, Taemin-ah," Jonghyun answers, "Kitchen."
There's glass on the way, so Taemin puts on his shoes before he keeps going. Jonghyun's sitting at the table, an assortment of old hand radios laid out in front of him.
"My dad collects them. Electricity's pretty hit and miss in places, so I thought I'd check and see if any of these work," Jonghyun says amidst static. "Maybe someone's giving out updates somewhere."
Taemin nods, sitting down across from him. He watches quietly for a bit, distracted by the way Jonghyun's eyebrows furrow and his tongue peeks from the corner of his mouth as he adjusts stations. He's met with static time after time, and, with a huff, finally tosses the radio aside. "I don't think anyone's there."
Taemin rests his chin in his hand, shrugging. "How long have you been trying?"
"Ten minutes," Jonghyun replies, cheeks tinted pink but expression resolute.
Taemin snorts, picking up the radio. "You could go get food while I try, hyung," he says as innocently as he can. Jonghyun favors him with a look, but he doesn't put up much protest. Taemin's tempted to go with him-fiddling with a radio while walking isn't that hard-but he's just gotten up and he's feeling lazy.
"I'll be back in a few," Jonghyun says, shaking his head.
Taemin doesn't reply, absorbed in turning the dial little by little, thorough and determined. He figures if anyone is using a radio station to broadcast news, it'll be one of the low-key stations, maybe an older one that doesn't rely on the heavy technology that permeates the world. It's a long shot at best, but there's not much else to hope for.
He hardly registers when Jonghyun gets back and only nods and hums noncommittally as he's told about the bottled water Jonghyun found in the storage area. "Are you even listening to me?" Jonghyun says, opening an energy bar. "Did you find anything yet?"
"No, hyung," Taemin replies, reaching for the water.
"No, you're not listening to me, or no, you haven't found anything?" It sounds like Jonghyun might be smiling. Taemin looks up, to be sure, and gives a tiny smile in return. He gives the dial another twist and then there's a voice; it's crackly with static, but it's a voice. "Oh!" Jonghyun says, leaning over Taemin.
"-supplies and limited electricity. This is a looped message to all survivors. We have set up a camp in a large warehouse just outside of Seoul, to the east. The physical address is-
A wave of heavy static drowns out the rest of the message, and Jonghyun curses. "Well, we've got a vague location," he says with a sigh.
"We're going, then?" Taemin asks. For a moment, he wonders when it became 'we', but as he ponders it further, he realizes it's doubtful he'd want to make so long a walk with no one to keep him company. That, and Jonghyun is intriguing, someone Taemin is sure he could have made friends with in different circumstances.
Shaking away his musings, Taemin focuses on the conversation at hand. There were obvious reasons he wanted to leave his own home, but Jonghyun's is in good shape despite being without electricity. "And, what if your family makes it back? How will they know where to find you?"
Jonghyun shrugs, popping the last bit of the energy bar into his mouth. "I'll leave a note." His voice is tight, like he's hiding behind bravado. "We can't just stay here forever, Taemin-ah. That store will run out of food eventually, and we have no means to cook anything here." He glances around, brows furrowed in thought. "I think there's some hiking gear in the garage, so we can use that to stock up."
"Yeah," Taemin says, rolling the bottle of water between his hands. "It'll take us ages to get there." He grimaces. "At least two weeks. I think even longer, since we're almost all the way west and we have no clear idea where in the east it is."
Jonghyun claps his hands. "Well, let's get started, then," he says, his eyes flashing with decision. "See if we can't make it there in less than that."
It takes them the rest of the day to get provisions, extra clothes and everything they're positive they'll need packed up and ready to go. Jonghyun grabs a wagon from his neighbor's backyard, and they use that to load up four cases of bottled water. They decide to take all of the radios as well. "Just in case we find out anything about Japan," Jonghyun'd said with a funny tone to his voice, and Taemin had been suddenly grateful for his closure.
With nightfall looming when they're finished, they hold off on leaving until the next day. Jonghyun's house still has running water, so they both take their turns in the shower, and though Jonghyun's clothes are a little too loose for Taemin, they're better than his own week-old, dirty ones.
"You look cute," Jonghyun says, laughing, when Taemin comes out of the bathroom in an over-sized tank top that nearly swallows him whole.
Taemin blushes and smacks Jonghyun's shoulder as he flops onto the bed. "Do not."
"Do too," Jonghyun says, relentless, and turns to lie on his stomach. He's got the radio they used earlier on the pillow, quiet static coming from its speakers. The message they'd heard before still hasn't sorted itself out. Jonghyun had said it might just be their equipment shorting out and they would probably fix it soon.
"You look like a girl, you know?" Jonghyun continues. He tilts his head, lips quirked into a grin that probably isn't meant to be lewd at all, but with his tongue tracing the edges of his teeth like it is, Taemin doesn't know what else to think. "You'd have made a good idol."
Taemin ignores the way his cheeks only get hotter and goes for a change of subject, because this one makes him a little uncomfortable-especially considering he's wearing Jonghyun's clothes, exactly like a girl staying the night would. "Why didn't you train to be one, hyung? You sounded good last night."
Jonghyun picks at a loose thread in the bedding. "I thought about it. I even studied at a music school for a while." He lifts a shoulder and rolls onto his side, tossing the radio to the floor. "My mom got sick, though, so I dropped out to stay home and help take care of her. After that..." He shrugs again, licks his lips. "It just didn't seem as important anymore."
"Oh," Taemin says, "Is she better now? You said they were on vacation, right?"
"She's getting better and better every day," Jonghyun says, his eyes closed. He reaches out and tugs at Taemin's arm. "We should sleep now, Taemin-ah. Long day ahead of us tomorrow."
Taemin frowns, but goes with the pull, not wanting to pry. If it were the other way around, he doesn't think he'd want to discuss his family right now, either. He still can't shake the nagging voice in his head that tells him Jonghyun needs to accept that his family may be gone. The wreckage that is Seoul-what Taemin's seen of it, anyway-suggests the rest of the world didn't fare so well, either.
As he buries his face into Jonghyun's chest, the scent of soap and something unidentifiable that could be Jonghyun surrounding him, Taemin hopes they'll be able to talk about these things with a little more ease in the future.
Jonghyun sings quietly, once again the last thing Taemin remembers before sleep overtakes him.
The first few days on the road aren't anything new for Taemin, save for Jonghyun's company. The plan is to go as straight through Seoul as they can, only stopping for occasional food breaks and for nights. Jonghyun is chatty, and even though Taemin doesn't have much to add, it seems not to deter him. Taemin doesn't mind; it's better than the alternative, by far. He's also noticed that Jonghyun isn't afraid of touching in the least, always with a hand on Taemin's shoulder or fingers curling around Taemin's wrist.
When it happens, Taemin finds himself wondering if Jonghyun knows he's doing it, trying to keep his mind off of how his stomach flips and how he wants to touch back. As the days wear on, he's beginning to doubt it, though. Everything Jonghyun does has the appearance of impulsiveness, normality-from his lightening-quick smiles to the way he hums or sings when he's run out of things to talk about.
Before this, he would probably have balked at the thought of wanting something more than friendship with a guy, but with everything that's happened, he can't find it in himself to try denying things. It's not like anyone will care-he doesn't even have parents to disown him for being homosexual, now.
And Taemin has to admit, he likes the way Jonghyun's touches make his skin tingle, likes the way Jonghyun grins at him, making his breath catch in his throat. It fills him with feeling again, reminds him that even without sunshine, there's still something that breaks through the gray haze of dust surrounding them. Still, he's not about to go laying one on Jonghyun just because he's come to terms with himself; not when their friendship is still so new, and certainly not without some kind of sign that Jonghyun won't just punch him in return.
The last thing he needs, with current events as they are, is wounded pride.
"Do you sing, Taemin-ah?" Jonghyun asks while they're taking one of their breaks. Jonghyun'd been singing most of the day, and each time he started a new song he'd try to get Taemin to join in. Taemin had refused, not wanting to disrupt the beautiful sounds with his own weak, whiny voice.
Taemin shakes his head, tossing Jonghyun one of the waters from the wagon. It veers off slightly; it's been his turn to pull the wagon for the past hour, and even after four days, his arms still protest. "Not very well, no. I was always better at dancing."
Jonghyun brightens from his perch on a pile of rubble, where he blends in with his streaked face and dust-coated hair. "If you're not too tired, could you show me something?" he asks, and though every part of Taemin wants to say no, it's been so long since he's danced and enjoyed it. Jonghyun gives Taemin one of his rare, wide-open smiles as Taemin moves out into a cleared space, and his heart does a stuttered tut against his ribcage.
He starts simple, something he'd been working on with Minjae after school. There's no music, but he can pretend, just for a moment, that he's back in the dance studio and Minjae's laughing and urging him on. Somehow he ends up doing the whole routine, left out of breath and aching in more ways than physical. Jonghyun, to his credit, doesn't say anything, just hands him a bottle of water and runs a hand through Taemin's hair.
They sit in silence for the remainder of the break, Jonghyun's thigh warm against Taemin's. He fits his fingers between Taemin's and while Taemin's not in a particularly touchy mood, he can't make himself give up the contact. Even now, he's still cleaved open and raw from everything he's lost. With his free hand, he reaches into his pocket, fingers curling around the familiar, worn photograph.
"Time to go," Jonghyun says softly after a while, giving Taemin's hand a brief squeeze before detaching himself.
Taemin looks down the road ahead of them; it's littered with stalled or overturned cars, bodies and debris, nothing like its former, grander self. He sighs. "Yeah."
It takes them past nightfall to find a house they can stay in. The neighborhood they're passing through has been badly damaged, to the point where they've had to re-route themselves several times to get the wagon through all the rubble. Taemin decides he is not looking forward to reaching the city center, at all, if this is any indication of how rough it will be.
Jonghyun lets Taemin shower first while he heads back to the store a block back the way they came, to scrounge for proper food stuffs. Both of them admit they're not very skilled in cooking, but after the day they've had, they both agree that anything is better than the junk food they've been eating.
The anticipation of a warm, cooked meal for the first time in what seems like ages has Taemin so excited he can't stay still. He doesn't take a shower immediately, however, a trickle of worry nagging at him as he watches Jonghyun make his way down the road.
Nighttime, now, is a magnificent thing to behold. What's left of the moon still reflects the sun's rays and creates a broken light show, giant stars that are big enough to be seen through the haze of grit coating the air. Despite this, there's still not enough light to see past a few feet or so, and he tears his gaze away from the sky just as Jonghyun is swallowed by cloudy black.
There's nothing else for him to do but go get his shower done with, so that Jonghyun can have one as soon as he returns. Jonghyun's still gone when he finishes, so he busies himself by fiddling with the radios, hoping to find even a scrap of news. They have all the radios set to the station that played the looped message before, and after checking all of them and getting only static, he starts changing the station on the main one. It's in considerably better shape than the others, which means it is his best bet on receiving anything.
Taemin's still perusing the stations when Jonghyun comes in with several bags, panting and sweaty. "Fuck, it's hot out." His gaze slides to the radio as he drops the bags. "Anything?"
"Nope," Taemin says. At the unreadable flash of something in Jonghyun's eyes, he decides to turn the radio off. After tucking it back into the backpack, he reaches for a change of subject. "What did you find?"
Jonghyun seems to relax somewhat, and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, smearing grime. "Kimchi stew sound okay? The fridge at that store was still cool, so the kimchi and pork should still be alright, I think."
Taemin's stomach gives a loud answer in the positive and Jonghyun grins. "Don't say a word," he says, hiding his own smile behind a hand. He stands, grabbing bags with one hand and pushing at Jonghyun with the other. "Go shower, hyung. I think I can manage kimchi stew."
Jonghyun shoots Taemin a grateful look over his shoulder as he heads down the hallway. Taemin feels pleased, until Jonghyun calls, "Just don't burn the house down!" He scoffs, hoisting the bags up, and heads for the kitchen. He has to search a little for everything else they need for the meal, but he's got everything halfway ready when Jonghyun enters, lazily toweling his wet hair. He pointedly looks away.
"What do you want me to do?" Jonghyun asks, leaning over the counter. "I can start on the stove-top stuff if you want to keep chopping."
"Sure, hyung," Taemin says, waving Jonghyun away when his hair starts dripping on everything. "But dry your hair first, geez."
Jonghyun sticks his tongue out, but ambles off with one of those grins that makes Taemin's stomach do unimaginable feats. When he gets back, Taemin's got most of the chopping done, and things proceed smoothly after that. There's a lull where it has to cook for half an hour, in which Jonghyun lounges on the couch and Taemin takes the floor, with his head resting on Jonghyun's thigh.
"Hyung?"
Jonghyun answers with a hum.
"If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you want to do before you go?"
"What?" Jonghyun asks, his voice low and sleepy.
Taemin almost tells him to go to bed, but they both haven't had anything to eat since their break earlier in the day. "Like a bucket list," he says, turning to give Jonghyun a reproachful look. "You saw that movie, right?"
Jonghyun blinks slowly at Taemin, head tilted. "You're really morbid, you know?"
"No," Taemin says, snorting, "I'm just curious. And you can't deny our situation really sucks right now."
Jonghyun props himself up on his elbows, sighing. "What is there to do? All the good stuff is probably gone now." His mouth turns down in a pout. "No more Lotte World."
Taemin grins. "You mean that's all you'd want to do? Go to Lotte World?"
"Lotte World was awesome!" The way Jonghyun looks when he's offended, eyes comically wide and mouth open, has Taemin laughing despite his sour mood. Jonghyun joins in after a moment, leaning forward to shove at his shoulder. "I always wanted to have my first date there," Jonghyun adds after they've quieted down, his tone almost regretful.
Taemin imagines Jonghyun on a date, nervous and stilted at the unfamiliar atmosphere until his tension melts into confident smiles and fleeting touches. He would be a good boyfriend-considerate, thoughtful, gentle. Sometimes when Jonghyun sings something slow and beautiful, there's a passion simmering beneath the surface, a passion Taemin could easily see him infusing into a relationship. The last thought brings heat with it, prickling beneath his skin. "That sounds like a nice first date, hyung. But that didn't answer my question."
Jonghyun hums again, his leg jiggling slightly behind Taemin's head. "A decent kiss. My first sucked," he says with a small laugh, "Or maybe write music for idol groups. I have this really great idea for a song inspired by Romeo and Juliet."
Taemin hides a laugh behind his hand.
"Well," Jonghyun says, poking Taemin's shoulder hard, "What about you? And shut up, Romeo and Juliet is awesome."
That takes some thought. When he asked, he didn't really have anything in mind for his own bucket list. Jonghyun's sparked something inside of him, however; memories of his school crushes replay in his head, things he could have done and never did. Things he'll never do. "A first kiss would be nice."
"A first kiss?" Jonghyun leans over to tease, eyebrows wiggling and grin sharp. "Oh Taemin-ah, you are such a deprived child."
"Hey!" Taemin pushes Jonghyun's face away, that slow burn rising inside of him again. "You've only had one, hyung. Don't get cocky!"
Jonghyun falls back to the couch again, watching him with an unclear expression, mouth quirked. He resists the urge to squirm beneath the weight of it. Jonghyun opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by the timer going off in the kitchen. He jumps up with a shout, leaving Taemin to follow in a less enthusiastic manner, feeling off-balance.
The meal is too short-lived for Taemin's liking, and the only bed in the small house is barely big enough for the two of them. Though he's gotten used to Jonghyun's disregard for personal space, he's still dubious about this tension that lingers in his gut like lead. There'd been something in Jonghyun's eyes and in the curve of his lips, a mischievous sort of aura that seemed more serious than playful. He shivers just thinking of it.
"Cold?" Jonghyun asks, shaking him out of his reverie. He shakes his head and curls into himself beneath the blankets. Jonghyun hums softly as he pulls Taemin close, his lips brushing the nape of Taemin's neck as he shifts to get comfortable. Taemin squeezes his eyes shut and holds back a loud sigh as goosebumps pop up all over. "Good night, Taemin-ah," Jonghyun murmurs and his breath almost seems to scald Taemin as it ghosts across his skin.
As if not wanting to be outdone by the goosebumps, another part of his anatomy makes itself known, and he curses puberty to hell. This time he does sigh, and tries to gently untangle himself from the arm Jonghyun's got wrapped around his middle.
"I was comfortable," Jonghyun whines as Taemin slides out of the bed.
"I'll be back, hyung, it'll only take a moment," Taemin says, rushing to get out of the room before Jonghyun can open his eyes and see what's got him so flustered. The bathroom is small and dusty, filled with stupid marine animal trinkets that are the least sexy things in the world. He reaches a hand into his boxers and the rush of pleasure that accompanies his loose grip has him falling back against the door with a soft thump and an even quieter gasp. He jerks himself hard and fast, using his pre-cum as lubricant when the friction gets to be too much, choking back noises behind a hand.
Unbidden, Jonghyun flashes through his mind, grinning wide and open with his tongue tracing his lips; Taemin's gone in a jolt of white-out bliss. He bites down as he bucks forward, a strangled moan caught in his throat. He strokes himself a couple more times through aftershocks, and then he slides to the floor, panting. A throb in his hand makes itself known and he looks down, surprised to find indents smeared in red. He licks his lips with a grimace at the metallic taste, and once he's steady enough, begins to clean himself off.
Jonghyun's breathing is deep and even when Taemin returns to the room. He's sprawled out, taking up most of the mattress, and Taemin doesn't want to face him just yet. He decides to take the couch tonight.
The next day is awkward and Taemin's uneasiness doesn't help matters any. He keeps Jonghyun at a distance, and it's not hard to see that Jonghyun's hurt by this, but the last thing he needs is another impromptu erection out in broad daylight. Add this to not sleeping well the night before and the fact that they've been walking through an urban wasteland with nothing but rotting bodies and grit, and soon Taemin's just downright moody. As a result of this, Jonghyun gets sulky and snappy, and when Taemin trips and overturns the wagon, their frustration reaches the boiling point.
"Jesus fucking christ, Taemin, did you completely miss that huge rock there?"
"Fuck off," Taemin snarls, not in the mood to be respectable, "I'm tired, okay?"
"What the hell is wrong with you today?" Jonghyun yells, slamming his backpack on the ground. Dust rises like a cloud of angry bees, only adding to the grime in the air. "I'm tired too, but you're just being an asshole!"
"Could you just stop shouting and come help me pick this up?" Taemin snaps, his hands shaking at his sides. As ill-tempered as he is right now, he's also never been a fan of confrontation and his anxiety is making him sick to his stomach. "I'd really like to get moving again so we can cover as much ground as possible."
"Not until you tell me what's got you so pissed off," Jonghyun says, crossing his arms over his chest.
Taemin raises his chin and takes a deep breath. "Nothing."
"Bullshit," Jonghyun replies, "You're a terrible liar, Taemin-ah." He starts to take a step forward, but a menacing growl from the side makes them both freeze.
Jonghyun's the first to glance over, and when Taemin follows suit, he almost wishes he hadn't. A week ago, he would have sighed in relief and thought, oh, it's just a dog, but this dog looks nothing like the friendly house pet it used to be. It's one of the bigger breeds, missing an ear, halfway to emaciation and with a desperate sort of gleam in its eyes. The blood on its muzzle is the most obvious clue that this dog as gone feral, though, and he's surprised they haven't met up with more of its kind until now.
"Taemin-ah," Jonghyun says quietly, "we need to run."
Taemin's body feels wired, his heart thumping erratically in his chest like it's trying to do just that, only without him. "H-hyung, we can't," he whispers, licking his suddenly dry lips. "It'll get you, you're too close."
Jonghyun's jaw tightens in a determined sort of way and Taemin feels like throwing up. "Taemin, just go," he says as he bends down slowly, his hand stretching for the pile of rubble next to him.
"No," Taemin pleads, cringing at how pathetic he sounds, how his voice catches in his throat. "Jonghyun-hyung-" He's cut off by the dog, growling louder and inching forward as it catches sight of Jonghyun's movement. "Jonghyun."
At the sound of just his name, Jonghyun turns to Taemin, his eyes dark and intent as they lock with Taemin's. "I'm sorry, Taemin-ah. I just want you to know that, okay?"
"Stop," Taemin says through clenched teeth, blinking back tears. "Let me get something and I'll help. Maybe if we work together, you know?"
Jonghyun doesn't get the chance to reply; with a snarl, the dog lunges for him. He raises his arm defensively and pink teeth sink into it before he has the opportunity to use the rock he's got in his other hand. They both fall to the ground, Jonghyun with a pained shout as the dog jerks his arm back and forth like it's trying to yank it out of the socket. Blood drips to the ground, vibrantly red against the gray of everything and Taemin can't move, can't breathe, can't see anything but that color through a blur of hot tears in his eyes.
A crack ringing through the air, followed by a yelp, jolts Taemin out of his trance. The dog's lying on the ground, a hole in its head. Jonghyun's next to it, breathing hard and groaning, his arm a mangled mess. Taemin's spurred into action at the sight of it, skidding to a stop on his knees beside Jonghyun with a strangled sob. "Hyung," he says, holding back the urge to retch at all the blood. He's seen dead bodies everywhere but this is too personal not to affect him. "Jonghyun, say something, please."
"Fucking hurts," Jonghyun gasps. "W-Where'd the sho-"
"Get out of the way, please," a low voice says from behind Taemin. A hand clamps down on his shoulder, nudging him away. He shifts, staring at the man kneeling over Jonghyun. He's got a shotgun slung over his back, his hair ragged and falling out of the ponytail it's pulled back in. "You guys are both lucky that we're in the neighborhood, you know? That guy belongs to a pack, so we need to get out of here fast."
"Who are you?" Jonghyun says, his voice faltering. "Wait, no who's 'we'?"
"Friends." The new voice, gentler than the one belonging to the first guy, comes from behind Taemin. "Minho's right, though, we need to get moving." Taemin turns just in time to see a hand offered. He takes it, rising unsteadily on his feet due to the anxiety and leftover adrenaline still whirling around through his veins. The second guy looks as mild-mannered as he sounds, if a little rough around the edges. "I'm Jinki."
"T-Taemin," he says, glimpsing over to see Minho helping Jonghyun up. "That's Jonghyun."
"Come on, Taemin. We've got a place set up just a block ahead." Jinki leaves Taemin to help Minho with Jonghyun, who's having trouble walking; he's shaking, probably in shock. Taemin makes for their gear, his own hands a little unsteady. "Taemin," Jinki says, and he whirls around, brows furrowed. "We can come back for your things later, okay? Help us out."
He nods, leaving the backpacks. He wraps his arms around Jonghyun's waist as Jonghyun hooks an arm around his shoulders. "I'll be okay, Taemin-ah," he says, grinning, but it's not the same. The grin becomes a grimace as Jinki lifts his legs. Together, they hobble through the messy street as fast as they can, trying to avoid jostling Jonghyun around too much as well as tripping over all the wreckage in their way.
It seems like forever has passed when they finally reach their destination, which happens to be a hospital, though Taemin's not sure which one. "You guys sure picked a good place to camp out," he says, relief washing over him. Jonghyun gives a weak laugh that echoes the sentiment.
"Jaejoong-hyung might be able to fix you up," Minho says, grunting as they re-arrange positions so that Jinki can get the doors open. The momentum has Jonghyun groaning through clenched teeth, in between pants. "Yoochun-hyung had a pretty nasty break that he set and stitched up."
Taemin shudders. A break that needs stitches doesn't sound like a nice sight.
"They're in another wing. We're set up here, the cancer section," Jinki explains as they make their way down the hall. They steer Jonghyun into one of the rooms and get him on a bed, Taemin never leaving Jonghyun's side. He laces his fingers between Jonghyun's, holding tight.
Jonghyun snorts softly, like he wants to say something but is afraid to break their fear-induced truce. Taemin glances at Jonghyun's arm again, grimacing. He doesn't see how Jonghyun'll escape this without some scarring, with the way the skin is torn and smeared red. Only now does Taemin notice the blood trail back the way they came.
"We'll have to clean that up, yeah," Jinki says after following Taemin's gaze.
"I'll go get Jaejoong-hyung," Minho says. "You guys can get started if you want."
Taemin's still standing next to Jonghyun, unwilling to leave just yet. All he can do is loop their fight and the attack over and over, guilt gnawing away at him. "I'm sorry, hyung," he says. "For earlier."
"Um, I'll just be outside. Getting cleaning things," Jinki says, and does this weird salute thing as he shuffles out the door.
"Hey," Jonghyun says, bringing Taemin's attention back to him. His voice is rougher than usual and his face is pale and shiny with perspiration. "It's okay. We're both just feeling the stress. Lashing out." He shifts his arm, hissing. "Man, I hope they have some major painkillers here or something. This shit hurts."
"Hyung, " Taemin says, swallowing hard. "I wasn't just- I mean, I was stressed but it wasn't only because of...this." He waves his arms around, not sure what to title their present situation. The apocalypse sounds too gloomy, and the last thing he wants right now is gloomy.
Jonghyun frowns, about to speak, when Minho comes back in with someone Taemin supposes is Jaejoong in tow. Jaejoong, for lack of a better word, is pretty, his bright blonde hair striking even with the dust streaked through it. "Here he is, Jaejoong-hyung," Minho says and holds up the medical kit he's carrying. "Where do you want this?"
"On the table, I guess," Jaejoong replies with a shrug, his casual manner not making Taemin feel any better about this at all. He catches Taemin's eye and covers a small laugh with his hand. "I'm kind of relying on sewing skills, here."
Jonghyun's laugh is a harsh bark. "Well, at least the scars will get me girls," he says, resigned; Taemin can hear the tinge of bitterness, though. "Chicks dig them, yeah?"
Jaejoong rolls his eyes as he pulls on gloves and rummages through the kit. "You're a real little badass, sure," he says. "You allergic to anything?"
Jonghyun shakes his head no, squeezing Taemin's hand hard. "Please tell me you're asking because you have pain meds. Please."
Jaejoong grins and it reminds Taemin of Jonghyun, in the way it makes him look open and carefree. "You'll forget your own name in a few moments, don't worry," he says, pulling out some bottles and a needle with thread attached.
"Hyung," Taemin says, tearing his eyes away from the needle. He's sure he could handle watching this, but he needs something to do, needs to keep himself busy instead of standing here, feeling useless. "I'm going to go help clean up the blood."
Jonghyun lets go of his hand, fixating him with a stern gaze. "We're going to talk more after this."
"Yeah," he says, and when he smiles it feels lopsided and stupid. He feels even more ridiculous when he pats Jonghyun's leg awkwardly as he leaves to go find Jinki. He doesn't have to look far-Jinki's already got a mop to the trail just outside of the door.
"Oh, I figured you'd stay with your friend," he says, but he's smiling like he's really pleased.
"No, I didn't want to just stand there," Taemin says; still, he can't resist the backwards glance at the door.
Jinki walks past him, tugging at his sleeve. "C'mon, we'll go get you a mop, too." Once that's taken care of, there's nothing else to do but wait and watch the red darken to a murky color as it mixes with water and grit. Jinki's pleasant enough company, too, almost as chatty as Jonghyun. His humor is odd, however-nothing he says is particularly funny, but the fact that he seems to think it is gets Taemin laughing anyway. He's older than Taemin, which he expected, but Jinki's smile is child-like and contagious, lighting up the room.
"So, did you and Jonghyun know each other before this?" Jinki asks as they re-fill the mop bucket with fresh water. "Minho and I did. We've been neighbors for a few years now."
"No," Taemin answers, pouring copious amounts of cleaning solution in the bucket. "I broke into his house, kind of."
Jinki laughs, kicking at one of the brooms in the corner. It topples over with a loud clatter and Jinki rushes to pick it back up. "Did he get mad?"
Taemin grins, remembering. "He was actually...really happy. He's weird."
Jinki snorts and shuts off the water, and then they're making their way back down the hall. "Oh, well, I guess everyone is weird now, yeah?" he says, "I mean, have you seen the sky lately-it's pretty, but kind of surreal."
"You mean weird like you?" Taemin teases, snickering when Jinki smacks his arm, looking as if he's affronted. His open-mouthed expression morphs into an easy-going grin, though, as if he's used to being teased like this. Most of the rooms are empty, but they pass by another room with an occupant that Taemin wasn't aware of before, a boy about their age. He's sleeping, almost peaceful-looking but for the messily stitched gash running down the side of his face. He might have been handsome once upon a time.
"That's Kibum," Jinki says, his voice low and sad. "He and Minho go to school together and they're pretty close." He ushers Taemin on, his face drawn. "Minho's been worried sick about him. He's been like that since we found him." He looks at Taemin, more sober than Taemin's seen him since they've met. "Jaejoong-hyung's heart is in the right place, but...Jonghyun'll probably be here for a while. Yoochun-hyung's leg is infected right now, too."
Taemin doesn't say anything; the lump in his throat won't let him. Jinki twists his lips into an awkward sort of pitying expression, patting him on the back, and moves on, mop in hand.
They're approaching the doors leading outside when Minho joins them, another mop in his hand. "Jonghyun's asleep now," he says. "It's not as bad as we thought it was, but Jaejoong-hyung says it could still get infected. He cleaned it the best he could, but those dogs have all been eating..." He trails off and a memory resurfaces in Taemin's mind, an arm curled around concrete rubble. "Well, you know."
Taemin sighs. "Yeah."
"We'll just have to clean it every day," Jinki says with brightness, "Like we do for Kibum."
At the mention of Kibum's name, Minho's face darkens minutely; if Taemin hadn't been watching, intrigued by the way he seemed so cool and collected, he'd have missed it. "We should get some more buckets and water down some of the trail outside, too," he says, already heading back down the hall.
Jinki watches him go for a moment, brows furrowed, then turns back to Taemin with a smile. "Well, let's finish this up so we can get you a room."
02.