Walk Me Back Through; Jonghyun/Taemin (2/2)

[debriefings]

Rather than taking a room, he decides to stay in Jonghyun's. There's no use in taking another room when Jonghyun's has two. By the time they finish cleaning up, night has fallen and he feels about like he's the one who's been mangled by a dog, not the other way around. In spite of this, he finds it hard to sleep after he showers, restlessness like pins and needles beneath his skin. He takes a walk when he's sure everyone's retreated to their own beds to sleep, not in the mood for conversation. Or rather, the one person he wants to converse with is still asleep.

It's a bit odd seeing a hospital so empty and devoid of life. He imagines nurses bustling to and fro, still busy even if the majority of their patients are sleeping; it plays out like a ghostly drama, whisps floating all around him.

A noise from up ahead catches his attention. The room a couple of doors down is Kibum's, so he investigates. He shouldn't have worried-it's only Minho, who doesn't seem to notice Taemin's there for the way he's focused completely on Kibum. Minho looks softer here, less intimidating with his hair down in his face and tears in his eyes. His hand's cradling Kibum's face, his thumb sweeping across the stitches lightly.

Taemin feels invasive, intruding on a private moment that Minho probably wouldn't want him to see normally, but as soon as he decides to go back the way he came, Kibum twitches and lets out a small groan. "That hurts, you fucker," he says.

Minho starts, gaping. "I'm sorry," he breathes, taking his hand away like it's been burned. He stands up so fast his chair almost tips over. "I-are you okay, Kibum? Do you need anything?"

"Water would be nice," Kibum answers with an eyeroll. His speech is slurred from how he barely moves his mouth. "Have you been crying?"

"No," Minho says, biting his lip. "Not really. Just. Was worried."

Kibum snorts, grimaces, and then sighs. "I need to remember not to make facial expressions. Help me remember that, okay? And stop worrying, I'm going to be fine. Ugly as hell now, but fine."

Minho sits back down with a frown, curling his fingers through Kibum's. "You're not ugly to me," he whispers.

Kibum just stares at him for a moment, and it clicks into place in Taemin's head before Kibum finally replies, "You're my boyfriend. It's your job to say sappy stuff like that."

"No," Minho says, his eyes flashing. "I mean it. I'll always think the world of you. Even when it's ending."

Kibum's lips twitch into a small smile. "Why did you say that. That was-if the world wasn't ending and I had someone else to go to, I would leave you, you know that?" Another eyeroll, but he's still smiling. Taemin doesn't think he means it-probably just the opposite. "Can I have some water now?"

Minho's smiling now, too, confirming Taemin's suspicions. He leans over and kisses Kibum's forehead, a bare brush of lips.

Just before he backs away to avoid being seen, Taemin catches Kibum's murmured "idiot", full of fondness. He heads back to his and Jonghyun's room with a hint of a smile on his face, but although the encounter was warming, it also leaves him feeling bereft; a feeling which only intensifies when he slides into his bed and watches Jonghyun sleep across the room. They're going to have a conversation about all of this when he wakes up, and Taemin doesn't even know what he'll say.

"Hyung," he whispers before he even comprehends opening his mouth, "I like you. I like the way you smile all the time, and how you talk to me like everything's normal again." He's hesitant to keep going, but all these words just keep welling up in his throat and he has to get them out. "I like your singing, and I wish you could sing to me right now. I think maybe that's why I can't sleep now. I've gotten used to it. To you."

"You should tell him that when he's awake."

Not expecting anyone to hear and comment, much less Kibum, Taemin whips around too fast, nearly sliding out of the bed. "I'm Kibum, by the way. But I'm going to assume you already know that."

"You really shouldn't be out of bed," Minho says as he comes up behind Kibum, looking like a stern father. "Sorry, Taemin. He sometimes butts into other people's business." Minho raises a brow at Kibum, smirking. "Actually, make that always."

"Tch," Kibum says, then scowls in a roundabout way, clearly mindful of his injury and how it's still limiting him. "I'm fine. A little wobbly, but it's nothing I can't handle." He quirks a brow at Taemin. "Seriously, though, the lovesick puppy act is just not cool. Minho did it for ages and I got so tired of it that I almost gave up on him. So. Get to it. Tell this-" He turns to Minho, eyebrows raised.

"Jonghyun," Minho supplies, his smirk fading into an amused smile.

Kibum looks at Taemin again. "Jonghyun. Tell Jonghyun how you feel and stop moping. It's not like he has much to be picky about now, anyway."

Minho steals Kibum's eyeroll and tugs his sleeve. "Come on, you've done enough harassing for the night. Let's get you washed up."

"Oh, 'washed up'? Is that what they're calling it-"

"Shut up," Minho interrupts, flushing.

Taemin's own cheeks are hot as well, and he can still hear them bickering good-naturedly about the subject as they leave. He glances over at Jonghyun, worried, but he's still asleep. Or if he isn't, he's a damn good actor. "I want to kiss you, hyung," Taemin says, just to be sure. No reaction.

He burrows beneath his blankets, sighing, and mumbles into his pillow, "You'll know all of this one day. Promise."

The next few days bring with them more worry, because as Minho, Jinki and Jaejoong predicted, Jonghyun's arm gets infected. He wakes up a few times here and there, but because Jaejoong has him on so many different pain medications, he's hardly lucid during those times. He mistakes Taemin for his sister at one point, pulling him down into a sloppy, affectionate kiss on the cheek that has his skin tingling for hours after.

It also brings frustration, on several different levels. He's never been good with simply sitting around. At least when they were heading west, they had something to do, even if it was just walking and walking. He's starting to get tired of the city, with its dying skyscrapers and washed out colors. The country is more than likely in no better shape, but at least there won't be constant reminders of humankind and their slow descent to nothingness. But even as he thinks this, a part of him doesn't want to leave; the city still has life in it, even if it's broken on the outside.

It's the people he's met, Taemin thinks. It's more comfortable here than it is out there. It's also not as physically draining, but there's more than enough emotional strain to make up for that. Jaejoong cooks every day, and though sometimes his food is a little too spicy for Taemin's taste, it's still better than the alternative. Minho's been busy with Kibum ever since he woke up, so Jinki attaches himself to Taemin. It's almost like Jinki's taking him under his wing, but he doesn't mind; it's far better than just sitting in the room, waiting for Jonghyun to stop looking so feverish and haggard, his arm an angry red.

Taemin's and Jonghyun's gear is with them now-he and Jinki had went back the day after Jaejoong stitched Jonghyun up-and he still checks the radio every day for Jonghyun's sake. If there's news, Jonghyun will want to know, whether he can understand now or not. He's already asked their new acquaintances if they've heard anything and they're as clueless as he and Jonghyun.

Still, he tries. For Jonghyun's sake.

"The pack isn't really all that bad, since most of them were used to human contact and all," Jinki tells him as he teaches Taemin how to work the shotgun for a food outing, "That one had a taste for blood though, so who knows about some of the others. They were abused and were in the process of being re-trained when this happened. That's the only thing I can come up with for why they went feral so quickly."

They don't end up using the gun, but Jinki assures him it's all for precautionary measures-he and Minho never had to use it until they stumbled on Taemin and Jonghyun. "Give them a few months. They'll all go bad eventually," Jinki says grimly.

"And the zoo animals," Jaejoong supplies with cheer as he takes the food from them. He's been a lot happier since Yoochun and Kibum both woke up. "Don't forget about the lions and tigers." After a pause, his lips quirk mischievously. "And the bears."

"Oh my," Taemin and Jinki say together, Taemin with a snort and Jinki with a grin.

Taemin leaves Jinki to pester Jaejoong while he checks up on Jonghyun. It's about time to clean the wound, as well, so he stops by the bathroom to wash himself off as best he can. Jonghyun's asleep when he gets there, so he grabs everything he needs, peels back the bandages and starts working.

At first, he'd been a little nervous-not because of the blood, or anything like that. He'd just feared he'd do something wrong, or hurt Jonghyun enough to wake him from medicated slumber. But he had been determined and Jaejoong had been patient.

Not for the first time, he finds he would have liked to have known these people before this.

He hums while he cleans, since he's pretty sure if Jonghyun were awake, he'd have appreciated it. The wound is beginning to look a little better; there's hardly any pus to drain today and the red seems to be fading. As far as he knows, Yoochun's leg only took around three or four days for the infection to disappear, so he's happy to see that Jonghyun's wound is taking the same route. It doesn't take long to finish cleaning and re-wrapping it, but he hesitates to remove the contact, his fingers sliding down to slip through Jonghyun's. His skin is still somewhat warmer than normal, his brows slightly pinched in his sleep.

"Hey," Jinki says from behind him, "I'll give him some more pain meds if you want to go shower properly." He smiles and ruffles Taemin's hair, causing dust to go flying everywhere. "I know it won't help much in the way of cleanliness, but you might feel better."

"You say that like I feel really bad or something, hyung," Taemin says, raising a brow.

Jinki laughs, shaking his head. "You're acting the same way Minho did with Kibum. Not hard to put two and two together." He frowns. "Well. Unless you're just really affectionate by nature. I don't know, though, you don't seem that way to me. I could be wrong, of course."

Taemin pats his arm, interrupting his vocal musings. "You and Jonghyun will get along great together," he says, bounding out with a grin at Jinki's spluttering attempts to ask him what he means by that.

"Taemin. Taemin, wake up. ...Taemin."

At the blurry sight of Jonghyun sitting up in his bed, Taemin nearly bolts out of his own. "Hyung?"

Jonghyun's smile, though softer with fatigue and pain, is no less blinding-a welcome familiarity. "What'd I miss? Is there water anywhere?" He pauses, raising a brow. His smile takes on an edge. "Or maybe soju. Soju would be nice."

"Tch," is Taemin's reply. "You're not getting soju, you're still a hospital patient." He does bring Jonghyun water, though, which is downed in one gulp. "Are you hungry? Jaejoong-hyung has leftovers, I think."

Jonghyun nods, swinging around to stand shakily. "God, I feel like I've ran a marathon or something," he says with an exaggerated groan, massaging the back of his neck. "How long was I out of it?"

"It's been three days since the attack." Taemin snickers as he continues, "You were pretty weird while you were drugged up."

Jonghyun huffs and starts to cross his arms over his chest. He stops with a hiss, pouting. "Dammit, this is going to suck." He pokes Taemin's cheek. "Go get me food, minion. I'm going to go shower."

Taemin shakes his head, grinning as he makes his way to the kitchen. Things are as back to normal as they can be. It's an encouraging thought.

They decide to hold off setting out again until Jonghyun's arm is healed, or nearly so. Jaejoong'd advised them against going before the stitches were out, at least. "I think I used the dissolvable suture thread, but there's really no way to tell. I just assume because it seems that's all they use nowadays," he'd said with a shrug. "Or did use, anyway."

Jonghyun and Kibum take to each other right away, which leaves a tiny spark of jealousy continuously burning in the pit of Taemin's stomach. With his own wound on the mend, Kibum's as talkative and animated as Jonghyun, and seeing them interact makes him feel inadequate. He remembers how he was before, always quick to smile and eager to meet people. And now he's just a shadow on the sideline. Staring out at the city during the night, he wonders if it's taking him down with it.

He keeps it to himself this time. The last thing he wants is another argument, when Jonghyun seems to have temporarily forgotten about the first one, and his promise that they were going to have words about it. He doesn't fool himself into thinking Jonghyun's never going to keep that promise, but the peace between them is nice for now. So when Jonghyun turns to him at their mealtime gatherings to include him in the conversation, Taemin obliges with a smile and something witty, hiding behind the wall he's building.

This goes on for another week and it appears to be working; Taemin'd always been told he should have become an actor. Jonghyun doesn't say a thing, doesn't let on it's worrying him, if it is. Taemin begins to wonder if they'll ever approach the subject. Maybe Jonghyun's worried they'll fight again and wants to forget about it. Jonghyun dashes those hopes with one single word, right before they're about to sleep. "Taemin." The tone he uses is gentle, but the meaning behind it is firm.

"Yeah," Taemin says, resigned but oddly anxious to see where things will go from here. He rolls onto his stomach, peering at Jonghyun in the darkness. He's staring back at Taemin, propped up on his arm; it's been slowly, but surely, getting better and better. "The talk, right?"

"You've been acting weird again," Jonghyun says, sliding from his bed. Taemin shifts to make room for him. "I didn't want to say anything, but I'm worried."

Taemin sighs. "It's really nothing for you to worry about, hyung. I'm just...coping, I guess. Not a big deal." He shrugs to emphasize, avoiding the frown Jonghyun sends his way.

"I don't think so. Now spill, before I go and get Kibum." He grins in that razor-sharp way, easing a bit of the tension in Taemin's gut only to replace it with some of a different kind. "He's been bugging me to talk to you about this, and I'm sure you don't want him all over your ass. That one scares me a little."

Taemin laughs, nodding his agreement. It fades as soon as it came at the sudden realization that he's really going to do this, he's going to tell Jonghyun everything. "Hyung," he says, sitting up so he's eye-level, so he doesn't feel so small and so that the weight of what he's going to say will really sink in. As soon as he meets Jonghyun's gaze, though-earnest and open and everything Taemin wants to just fall into-the words wink out of existence.

"Yeah?" Jonghyun prompts.

"It's just, I'm kind of jealous of you and Kibum-hyung?" he says, shrinking back down, frustrated with himself. "I...I'm not the same as I was, hyung. I used to be-I was happy. And now it's like I'm...like I'm dead? And seeing you with him just reminds me of that."

"Oh," Jonghyun says, and the small part of Taemin that wanted him to see through the half-truth retreats in defeat. "Jesus, Taemin-ah, why didn't you tell me you felt this way?" He sighs, cupping the back of Taemin's neck, squeezing lightly. "Listen. I like Kibum, yeah. He's funny and kind of weird. But you're the one who's been with me all this while, and you're the one who's leaving with me when I get better."

"Yeah," Taemin says, feeling stretched too thin. He just wants to sleep.

"And about this feeling, it's natural, you know? Your family's been taken from you by some surreal freak shit that we're only supposed to see in movies. I-" Jonghyun's voice wavers, and his eyes seem brighter. "I feel the same way, Taemin-ah. I just. I'm trying to be happy for you."

"Hyung," Taemin says, shame washing over him at how selfish he's been, "I thought-I mean, you never said anything. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well." Jonghyun tries to scoff, but it sounds more like a strangled sort of sob. "Look around us. How could Japan be any better?" His fingers tighten on the back of Taemin's neck; it feels like a plea.

He wraps his arm around Jonghyun's shoulders and pulls him close, sensing something's clicking into place. Jonghyun's shoulders shake and he drops his hand to embrace Taemin in return, fingers clutching Taemin's shirt. He's tense for a moment, then he sags, another sob muffled against Taemin's shirt. It's as if Jonghyun's acceptance of his family's probable passing, everything he's feeling that Taemin's already felt, is reverberating and resurfacing in him. He closes his eyes against it all, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He turns his head, impulsively kissing Jonghyun's temple, murmuring his name over and over, wanting to somehow make it easier for him than it had been for himself.

He doesn't know how his hand made its way to Jonghyun's jaw, but he tilts Jonghyun's face for better access, kissing every inch of skin he can, tasting salt. "Taemin-ah," Jonghyun says, his voice rough, but there's no rejection in the tone. Taemin doesn't stop whispering his name, not until he reaches Jonghyun's mouth and it's then that his stomach does a low swoop in anticipation as he realizes he's about to kiss someone-Jonghyun-for the first time and then there's no more thinking because it's happening and Jonghyun's kissing back like Taemin's the only thing he's ever wanted.

There's no fumbling, no slow rise to perfection in this kiss. It's all desperation and heat and bite, messy and somehow the most wonderful thing Taemin's ever experienced. He's not sure if Jonghyun pulled him or if he slid over, but he ends up in Jonghyun's lap, Jonghyun's hands under his shirt and scalding against his skin. It's easier to kiss him, now, a hand in Jonghyun's hair to tilt his head back and make it deeper, harder. Jonghyun groans into his mouth, hands sliding down his backside to push, encouraging.

He obliges with no little amount of enthusiasm, grinding down against Jonghyun to coax more sounds from him. The brief flare of pleasure is nowhere near good enough, though, the baggy sweatpants he's wearing are inhibiting proper friction. He tears his mouth away from Jonghyun's reluctantly, pushing him down to the mattress. Jonghyun's eyes are still slightly puffy from his breakdown, but also dark and Taemin feels like they're staring right to the heart of him. He shivers, leaning down to steal another, quicker kiss before he strips himself of his shirt, feeling both shy and emboldened at once. The conflicting emotions melt into one when Jonghyun bites his lip, running fingers down Taemin's chest.

"There's lube in the table drawer," Jonghyun says, but the inflection is almost questioning.

Taemin blinks, caught off-guard by the mention of lube. "Where'd you get that? I didn't even-I mean, if I'd realized you wanted this, hyung..." He breaks off, his cheeks heated from want than anything.

"Oh, I didn't," Jonghyun says, and Taemin's almost ready to bail when he amends in a rush, "No, I want it! I just...I didn't know before. Well, I did, but I didn't know how to go about it?" He groans, throwing an arm over his face. "That made no sense. Um, Kibum gave it to me, okay? Couple of days ago, said 'just in case'. That is, if you want to? We can, uh, take it slow, if you want."

Taemin has to smile, knowing exactly what Jonghyun's trying to say, and leans down to tug his arm away. "Well, I think this counts as a 'just in case' moment." He pauses, sobering, and seriously contemplates taking it slow. Maybe if these were normal times and they were just two teenagers sneaking around after school, it would be different. They would fumble around with kissing and handjobs until they were ready for something bigger, because they'd have time for that. But here and now, they'll never know how much time they have. "And I've been taking it slow for way too long," he finally continues, "I want this before the world really does end, hyung." He kisses Jonghyun before he can reply.

The lube is temporarily forgotten as Jonghyun combs fingers through Taemin's hair, tilting his face to the side slightly. This time, the angle is better for a slower, searching kiss, Jonghyun licking his way into Taemin's mouth and causing a less desperate burn to settle in the pit of his stomach.

Jonghyun's other hand busies itself with his sweats, pushing them down, then moves on to Taemin's. He helps him as best he can, and then bats Jonghyun's hand away to rock his hips forward. They both groan, Jonghyun's fingers tightening in Taemin's hair. He does it again, and this time Jonghyun hooks his leg over Taemin's hip to help, arching into it. The surge of pleasure this time is sharp, like it's cutting Taemin to the bone. He pants against Jonghyun's cheek, fingers digging into the sheets as Jonghyun slides his mouth down his jaw, a trail of wet heat that has Taemin's mind fizzling out from the new sensation. He cants his head to the side as Jonghyun moves lower; when he bites as Taemin grinds down again, it's almost enough to bring everything to a halt.

"Hyung," he whispers, putting a little distance between them. Jonghyun looks up, breathing as heavily as he is, a knowing smile on his face. "We need that lube now, hang on."

It's hard, trying to pull off his sweats and underwear while walking, but Taemin manages. From the corner of his eye, Jonghyun's doing the same from the bed, and as Taemin makes his way back with the lube in hand, he has to stop and stare for a moment, appreciative. Jonghyun's got a gleam in his eye and that smile that could cut through hearts, if he'd let it. It looks good on him, when he's like this, spread out on the bed and waiting. Taemin shudders and decides he's paused long enough.

Jonghyun sucks in a breath as he straddles him, hands on his hips. "I've seen this in porn. I think it'll be easier the other way around," he says, low and heavy with meaning. Taemin rocks forward at the imagery, a tiny moan escaping him. It's probably what sets Jonghyun off, and before he even knows it, Taemin's on his back, Jonghyun pressing him into the mattress and kissing him hard and fast. He responds in kind, pushing the lube into Jonghyun's hand before he wraps his arms around his waist. Jonghyun drags his hips over Taemin's in a steady rhythm as he kisses him completely the opposite, searing away any coherent thought.

The pleasure crests again, so close to orgasm, but Jonghyun pulls away at just the last minute. Taemin can't stop the sound that leaves him at the loss of Jonghyun's weight as he settles in between Taemin's legs, teeth sunk into his lower lip as he coats his fingers in lube. He watches Taemin the entire time, intense like he gets when he sings, like there's nothing else in the world that matters. That passion, seeing it here and now, of all times, has Taemin's heart stutter-skipping against his ribcage. Shaking from anticipation, emotion, everything, he shuts his eyes, and when Jonghyun's slick finger pushes hesitantly inside of him, he can't hold back the needy sound caught in his throat.

If there was a way for him to just take Jonghyun in, he would, so built-up is the need inside of him. "Hyu-Jonghyun-ah," he says, when Jonghyun tries to take it slow. "Faster. I won't break."

"Say it again," Jonghyun breathes shakily, moving his finger deeper, a little faster.

Taemin arches into it, gasps Jonghyun's name like he wants. He has a feeling Jonghyun might get his wish a thousand times over if it feels better than this. It's uncomfortable, but also good in a way he can't describe, desire and emotion clouding him up like the dust in the air. There's rustling, Jonghyun moving, and Taemin opens his eyes just in time to see Jonghyun press an open-mouthed kiss along the underside of his cock. The spark of pleasure offsets the stretch of Jonghyun's second finger, and he groans as Jonghyun begins to suck and use his tongue, all the while pushing his fingers in and out, slow and steady.

The burn that accompanies the third finger is harder to ignore, but by now Jonghyun's got a hand wrapped around Taemin's cock and is sucking at the head, and it's not long before Taemin's squirming, pushing back on all three fingers. Jonghyun brushes something inside of him that has Taemin arching off the bed, a flare of pleasure he never thought would come from inside of him like that. Taemin tugs at Jonghyun's hair, urging him away. Jonghyun sits up and Taemin follows, kissing him heatedly as he presses him back to the bed. Jonghyun's sound of surprise is muffled by Taemin's tongue, but he returns the kiss in kind within seconds, his hands cupping Taemin's ass to push their cocks together.

Taemin lets him have his way for a moment or two, enjoying the friction, the feeling of skin on skin. But soon the ache is too strong to ignore, not with the way Jonghyun's got a finger pushing into him again, the angle not enough to do more than tease. He pulls away for air and for the lube, teasing a little in return with his hand slick and slow on Jonghyun's cock. Jonghyun groans and cants his head back, eyes screwed shut and his lips parted as he tries to push into Taemin's grip. It's a heady sight and he's loathe to stop touching Jonghyun just to keep it a bit longer.

But he can do Jonghyun one better. "Watch me," he murmurs, waiting until Jonghyun's eyes are open and on him before he shifts, his whole body shaking at the prospect of having Jonghyun inside of him. He knows it's going to be painful at first, how could it not, but that doesn't stop the gasp at the resistance as he starts to settle down on Jonghyun's cock. Jonghyun begins to sit up, but Taemin pushes him back down with a hand, groaning at how that action causes him to take more of Jonghyun in. Head bowed, he keeps going, panting through the stretch and Jonghyun's hand when it grips his cock tight, easing some of the tension for another kind.

Taemin takes a moment to breathe, to just feel how impossibly full he is, how hard and hot Jonghyun is inside of him. Jonghyun's fingers caress his hips lightly, while his other hand keeps moving, idly now, on his cock. Sometime while he was adjusting, Taemin closed his eyes; he opens them now, catches Jonghyun just watching him like he's never seen him before. "Hyung," he says, a surge of emotion bubbling up inside of him. He leans down and Jonghyun meets him halfway. This kiss is no less heated than the others, but it holds a tenderness they didn't have.

But a kiss is still a kiss, and it has that restless need that's in the pit of his stomach making itself known again. Taemin nudges Jonghyun back to the mattress, using the momentum of it to ease off Jonghyun's cock almost all the way, his breath catching as he does so. He releases it in a moan as he sinks back down, shuddering at the mixed sensations of pleasure and pain. Jonghyun's hands fly up to grip Taemin's thighs in a bruising grip, a groan that's almost a shout escaping his parted lips.

Jonghyun's reaction spurs him on, and he repeats the action, changing the angle to see if he can't find that spot Jonghyun found earlier. His cock's heavy between his legs but he ignores it for now, focused completely on driving Jonghyun to delirium. While he wants to keep the rhythm slow, relish in the feeling of Jonghyun splitting him apart at the seams every time he slides back down, he can't help how he speeds up, the frenzy of want building to an impossible pressure deep inside of him.

Jonghyun's head is thrown back again, eyes closed and he's murmuring endearments, Taemin's name, his fingers carving half-moons into Taemin's skin while the other hand reaches for Taemin's cock and tugs. Jonghyun's hips rise up to meet him now, sending him even deeper inside, adding to everything. Taemin leans forward again; it changes the way Jonghyun slides inside, this time catching that spot, sending a white-hot frisson of pleasure shooting down his spine, fanning out all over in a spread of heat. Each time sparks more feeling than the last, each time pulls another raw sound from his throat. "Jonghyun, I'm-" he says in a rush of breath, and Jonghyun's eyes snap open, his gaze so full of want it feels like he's pulling Taemin in, under the tide. That, coupled with another streak of pleasure blazing through him is all it takes, and he comes with strangled moan, nearly collapsing on top of Jonghyun from the sensory overload.

Jonghyun's still thrusting up, shallowly now, letting Taemin ride out his orgasm while keeping his own rise to climax going. Languid with post-orgasmic bliss, Taemin rocks back, spreading his legs as wide as he possibly can in his position, giving Jonghyun encouragement to find his own pleasure.

"Fuck, Taemin," Jonghyun says roughly. The first real snap of his hips upwards has Taemin gasping, his head falling back at the friction wreaking havoc on his over-sensitized nerves. Jonghyun pushes himself up and pulls Taemin close, kissing him deep and hard as he fucks him with shallow, sharp jabs that have both of them panting into the kiss. Taemin clenches around him, can feel the lingering burn of arousal prickling underneath his skin, but before it can escalate again, Jonghyun's coming with a hoarse cry, arching up into Taemin with one last searing thrust.

They stay that way for a long, perfect moment, sticky with sweat and sagging into each other, sharing air. When he can breathe properly again, Taemin kisses Jonghyun long and slow, savoring the warmth and taste of him. "We should get cleaned up," Jonghyun whispers against his lips, smiling in a way that reminds him of a cat who's caught the canary. "Maybe cleaned up together?"

"Maybe," Taemin answers, feeling sore and exhausted, but also ridiculously happy for the first time in what seems like a millennium. It reminds him. "Hyung...are you going to be okay?"

Jonghyun's smile becomes a little sadder. "I had a feeling they were gone," he says, his fingers drawing nonsensical shapes across Taemin's back. "I guess I was just. In denial? Trying to keep myself from going stark-raving mad?" He snorts, shrugging. "I don't know. But." He kisses Taemin, a soft, chaste thing that tugs heartstrings. "I think I'll be fine, yeah."

"Good," Taemin says, poking Jonghyun's cheek to lighten things back up. "Just don't go writing me any sonnets now, Shakespeare."

Jonghyun sighs, shaking his head. "No appreciation for the classics. Kids these days." He leans back on a hand, smoothing a thumb over Taemin's hipbone. "You sore?"

Taemin makes a tiny sound in response as he gingerly lifts himself off of Jonghyun, muscles screaming in protest. "Hot shower, please."

The shower eases some of the tenderness, but Taemin doesn't mind that he has to walk carefully when they make their way to Jonghyun's bed, or that he has fingernail shaped indents and bruises on his hips-he'd do it all again in a heartbeat, if it meant feeling that way-feeling alive-again. Jonghyun pulls him close beneath the blankets and kisses the nape of his neck, humming. This time, he hums along.

Things between them don't change much, after. Jonghyun's still the same, invading personal space like always, except he seems to take more pleasure in it. He's more prone to his wider, open smiles-the ones that make Taemin's stomach take a free-fall-than his quirky grins. Taemin finds that the happiness he felt hasn't strayed, still locked up tight in his chest. It's still not the perfect situation, but with the dust settling and the sun breaking out for the first time since the explosion, things seem to be looking up.

After two weeks, Jonghyun's arm is almost fully healed, the stitches dissolved as Jaejoong hoped they would. It still bugs him from time to time, he's not able to hide that, but he can use it. Kibum and Yoochun are both well and able, too, although Kibum's got a scar, and Yoochun's got a limp that they're all worried will be permanent.

Despite Jonghyun being well enough to travel, they linger. Jonghyun doesn't say anything, but Taemin wonders if he's starting to feel the way he does, attached to these people they've met, that they share meals with and laugh at or cry over stupid things they did before. It's odd, but Taemin feels like he's never really lived until now, where he's figured out that everything he took for granted before is gone.

"We haven't checked the radio in a while," he says to Jonghyun, as they're getting ready to go with Jinki, Minho and Kibum for food items. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah, we should. They might have fixed their broadcast by now," Jonghyun says, slinging an empty backpack over his shoulders. He heads for their room, but not without giving Taemin a quick kiss on his way out. He does it often and Taemin doesn't mind it, but Kibum, Minho and Jinki decide to show up and the smug grin that Kibum sends his way makes him blush.

"You guys ready?" Jinki asks, tossing a look back at Jonghyun as he disappears from the doorway. "Where's he going?"

"To get the radio," Taemin answers, pushing Kibum's face the other way when he wraps an arm around Taemin's shoulders, that stupid smirk still on his face. "Stop that, it makes you look ridiculous."

"I can't help it, if it weren't for me you two would still be having unhealthy amounts of sexual tension. Of course, now you're just having unhealthy amounts of sex."

Minho sighs, but he's fighting back a grin, while Jinki shakes his head. "All things sex-related aside, are we ready to go? Jaejoong-hyung said he had some trouble with the dogs the other day, so I'd like to get this done while the sun's giving us some extra light."

Jonghyun comes back, and with guns and backpacks, they set out. He and Jonghyun take the back of the group, fiddling with the radio. It's not much of a surprise that the message is back, giving proper details on the location of the camp, with an update of things they've heard from other survivors. There's still nothing about other countries, but apparently Incheon's gone, taken out by one of the smaller pieces of the moon. "Damn," Jonghyun says, voice low. Taemin can't think of anything to add.

"Why is that survivor's camp so far out?" Jinki says, having fallen back to listen. "I mean, it would have taken you guys weeks to get there, and you've still got a lot of ground to cover even from here."

"Maybe because here could be more dangerous? Some of the buildings are unstable, hyung," Taemin says, shrugging.

"Don't forget about the dogs," Jonghyun adds, scowling.

Jinki frowns. "Sure, but...we've got more supplies here. Medical stuff, and room for everyone. And some people might be too hurt to get all the way across Seoul." He sighs, looking determined. "I'm going to talk to Jaejoong-hyung and see if he and Yoochun-hyung will stay and help us make the hospital a camp, too."

"I could help with the radio signal, hyung," Kibum says, coming up behind the three of them. "I think there's a station a couple of blocks away that we might be able to get working, with generators or something?" He lifts his shoulder, re-adjusting the shotgun slung over it. "It'd be something to do, anyway. It's so boring now."

"Thanks," Jinki says with a smile, and the two of them move to the front again, heads bent in conversation.

The trip goes smoothly save for a scare that involves a harmless bird and Jonghyun. Taemin nearly laughs himself silly. The incident is just further proof that Jonghyun shouldn't be allowed to handle the guns, which just sets Jonghyun off to complaining at the injustice of it all and how he'd look "really, really hot-like, macho-hot, okay". Once they're back at the hospital, Jinki and the others head for Jaejoong and Yoochun, while Jonghyun and Taemin make for their room. "You know," Jonghyun says, staring at their things with his hands on his hips, looking thoughtful. Their bags are still mostly packed, but in a haphazard way, like they're not really planning on ever finishing the chore. "I get the feeling you don't want to leave. Not really."

Taemin shrugs, swinging his feet from his perch on Jonghyun's bed. "You do?"

Jonghyun tilts his head. "You can be honest. It's not like I'm going to leave without you or anything, you know that, right?"

"I just-" Taemin starts to say, glancing at him, feeling all sorts of hesitant despite his reassuring words. "We've been so hell-bent on making it there that it seems weird, like we're just giving up by staying here."

Jonghyun laughs, sitting down next to him with an arm over his shoulder. The casualness of the action brings to mind the first time they met, and he smiles, leaning into Jonghyun. "I like to think of it more like we've come home," he says in Taemin's ear, nuzzling a little. "And besides, Jinki-hyung already asked me if we could stay and help while you were talking to Minho. He said he'd teach me how to use a gun." The last is said smugly, and he can't resist turning to confirm the matching smile on Jonghyun's face.

"Bribery, huh?" Taemin grins. "I had no idea you were so easy, hyung."

Jonghyun snorts, shoving him into the bed. "You'd know all about easy, wouldn't you?" he retorts with one of those biting grins, using his weight to pin Taemin down quite effectively. Not that he's complaining. There's a brief kiss, but it's no less heated for its shortness. "But hey, really." Jonghyun's got an edge of seriousness to him now, but the smile's still there. "If you want to stay, we can stay. I want to stay. So if you want to stay, we both want to stay, and, well. We're staying."

Taemin laughs. "I figured you wanted to go, though."

Jonghyun hums, thoughtful again. "I did. But what's the use? We like the people here, and we have a chance to do something for people a little closer to home, like Jinki-hyung said." His gaze slides down like his hand, a trail of fire Taemin can feel through his shirt. "Besides, you're too skinny to be walking any more."

Taemin snorts, pulling Jonghyun down for another kiss. "Shut up, hyung," he says, effectively curbing any further conversation. They've pretty much decided, anyway.

Later that night, Taemin drags Jonghyun up to the roof. It's not hard to get time to themselves in the near empty hospital, but he's feeling restless, needing the vastness of night for comfort. It's been a while since he's looked out on the city and he wants to see it again, confront the feeling of dying with this new-found happiness.

Now that the dust has settled, the sight of the damage is cutting, surreal. "Wow," Jonghyun whispers as they sit down by the edge, pulling Taemin against him, chin tucked over his shoulder. "I don't know whether it's beautiful or terrifying."

"Maybe it's both," Taemin says just as softly. "Do you remember the day it happened?"

"Yeah. Bits and pieces. It's kind of choppy."

Taemin closes his eyes against his own memories of the world being ripped apart by tiny pieces of moon hurtling down like hail, fire and brimstone. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

There's a pause, and then Jonghyun's arms are tightening around him. "Yeah. We will."

It's easier now to open his eyes, because he's not quite as afraid of this world as he once was. The moon's still reflecting the sun as it always did, just in different places, lighting the city up like it's still going on the way it was. And maybe, just maybe, they'll do the same.