Hm, I think I'd define openness a little differently... I definitely would call myself open, and I don't go out of my way to share myself with everyone. For me, being open is like... living in a glass house (which, btw, I would LOVE in real life!!! as long as I had some woods around). I don't canvas the neighborhood and tell everyone everything about me; I just don't have any opaque areas (except around my bedroom, and even then it's just a curtain). People have to take interest of their own will -- stopping by to look inside. I send invitations to very few people; maybe three people have been invited without first showing interest.
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I'd rather talk politics and social inequalities over a cup of coffee while my daughter chases the dog around the house and carries in all her stuffed animals to share
I'm not talking so much about shoving myself down people's throats (I never accosted people on the street to tell them about myself, heh) but more that I don't broadcast, and sometimes when people ask me these things, I just don't answer. For example: I don't wear cutesie little queer pride tee shirts anymore, just because I'm sick of being judged first and foremost on Hi, I'm queer, now get to know me. (I think you break down a person's preconceptions far better if you first allow them to actually get to know you, then they find out you fit into some social group they're prejudiced against. It's more likely to make them pause and think that maybe their little box isn't so perfect.) Another example: when strangers come up to me to talk to me about parenting (which people do all the time - complete strangers walk up and give me advice) I won't go into a long diatribe about why I do what I do. When someone comes up and says, "You know, you shouldn't dress your daughter like that, don't you know you're making her look like a boy?" I
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ha, I am already betting on this being a gigantic comment!
just because I'm sick of being judged first and foremost on Hi, I'm queer, now get to know me. (I think you break down a person's preconceptions far better if you first allow them to actually get to know you, then they find out you fit into some social group they're prejudiced against. It's more likely to make them pause and think that maybe their little box isn't so perfect.)I completely get what you are saying here. I'm sure as you've experienced simply from what you wrote about, and your hair colour, people are far too quick to pass judgement on someone that don't know just in passing. I know I got some dirty looks when I had unnatural haircolours. I have also gotten way too many dirty looks from people because of my tattoos, people who have no idea who I am but feel the need to sneer at me. It has been especially bad since moving to a smaller city. When I walk into stores sometimes, the sales associates keep a close eye on me like I'm obviously a thief based on the
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I love your long comments! You've quickly become one of the people on my friends list that I dearly love getting comments from, because you always have something interesting and intelligent to say. :-)
I get followed around like a theif, too; always do in small towns. It's frustrating and insulting. I also often get treated like I must have the IQ of a mentally challenged hamster, as certainly an intelligent person would never be odd in any fashion. It's one of the reasons I actually enjoy interacting with people online - they have to judge me based on what I have to say, rather than how I look when I say it.
I have found that even though I feel they are an expression of me, I tend to cover them up a lot more because I'm sick of being judged by a 5 second glance, instead of on my character....it makes them pause and think about the usual stereotypes they have about people
Precisely! More power to others who are okay with those snap judgements, but I feel like I've spent enough of my life fighting back against people's
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And yeah, my increased sense of/desire for privacy just sort of...snuck up on me. The whole creepy-stalking thing definately added to it, but I've also just felt a shift in how I approach life since I became a parent. Like I commented aboce, I don't feel okay being as open about myself anymore, because I don't think it's fair that I provide ammunition for other children to taunt my daughter. She's got to be able to fight her own battles about her own differences, and I don't think it's fair that she end up defending me instead, just because some classmate overheard their parents whispering something about me that's nobody's business.
Aww, you think I'm insightful and entertaining. :-D
...you know...that one time.
Hah, yes, look at me, I went out and acted like an irresponsible 20-something for uh...once in my entire life. I am wild.
And thank you, I rather prefer to look from the inside and just call myself "busy," too. That's anothing thing I think - I'm just too busy to give a shit about sharing my personal philosophy with the world. I'm focussing on sharing my personal philosophy with my daughter, so she can grow up to be a good person; that seems like a better focus for me now. And it certainly makes me happier.
Thank you...being a good mom is my #1 goal. That little girl is the most important person in the world to me, and I want to give her the absolute best start I can.
Well thank you. :-) I like to think my overall awesomeness (and unquestionably, that of my munchkin) overwhelm the monotony of our simple life, but I'm a rather vain person. It's nice to here it from someone outside my own head. :-P
I think this was a fantastic entry for me to read right now. I've been evaluating my openness or lack thereof, my level of trust with people in general and how I view friendship, all within the past few weeks. This entry has helped me see things from yet one more perspective; thank you.
Trust is another issue that ties in to this whole concept for me, but is large enough to deserve a post all its own (uh...when I eventually get around to it).
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I'd rather talk politics and social inequalities over a cup of coffee while my daughter chases the dog around the house and carries in all her stuffed animals to share
That sounds like soooooooo much fun, seriously!
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just because I'm sick of being judged first and foremost on Hi, I'm queer, now get to know me. (I think you break down a person's preconceptions far better if you first allow them to actually get to know you, then they find out you fit into some social group they're prejudiced against. It's more likely to make them pause and think that maybe their little box isn't so perfect.)I completely get what you are saying here. I'm sure as you've experienced simply from what you wrote about, and your hair colour, people are far too quick to pass judgement on someone that don't know just in passing. I know I got some dirty looks when I had unnatural haircolours. I have also gotten way too many dirty looks from people because of my tattoos, people who have no idea who I am but feel the need to sneer at me. It has been especially bad since moving to a smaller city. When I walk into stores sometimes, the sales associates keep a close eye on me like I'm obviously a thief based on the ( ... )
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I get followed around like a theif, too; always do in small towns. It's frustrating and insulting. I also often get treated like I must have the IQ of a mentally challenged hamster, as certainly an intelligent person would never be odd in any fashion. It's one of the reasons I actually enjoy interacting with people online - they have to judge me based on what I have to say, rather than how I look when I say it.
I have found that even though I feel they are an expression of me, I tend to cover them up a lot more because I'm sick of being judged by a 5 second glance, instead of on my character....it makes them pause and think about the usual stereotypes they have about people
Precisely! More power to others who are okay with those snap judgements, but I feel like I've spent enough of my life fighting back against people's ( ... )
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But now you've got me thinking about how I've become more private as I've gotten older.
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And yeah, my increased sense of/desire for privacy just sort of...snuck up on me. The whole creepy-stalking thing definately added to it, but I've also just felt a shift in how I approach life since I became a parent. Like I commented aboce, I don't feel okay being as open about myself anymore, because I don't think it's fair that I provide ammunition for other children to taunt my daughter. She's got to be able to fight her own battles about her own differences, and I don't think it's fair that she end up defending me instead, just because some classmate overheard their parents whispering something about me that's nobody's business.
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...you know...that one time.
Hah, yes, look at me, I went out and acted like an irresponsible 20-something for uh...once in my entire life. I am wild.
And thank you, I rather prefer to look from the inside and just call myself "busy," too. That's anothing thing I think - I'm just too busy to give a shit about sharing my personal philosophy with the world. I'm focussing on sharing my personal philosophy with my daughter, so she can grow up to be a good person; that seems like a better focus for me now. And it certainly makes me happier.
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(The comment has been removed)
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(The comment has been removed)
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I think this was a fantastic entry for me to read right now. I've been evaluating my openness or lack thereof, my level of trust with people in general and how I view friendship, all within the past few weeks. This entry has helped me see things from yet one more perspective; thank you.
Reply
Trust is another issue that ties in to this whole concept for me, but is large enough to deserve a post all its own (uh...when I eventually get around to it).
Reply
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