Never Never Say 2/2
The heat of Jiyong's breath shuddered over Hyunseung's throat, and one of his hyung's hands groped down his body, between Hyunseung's legs until he was fumbling to take both their dicks in his palm, pressing tight and thrusting and oh god oh god Hyunseung's head snapped away from the pillow, digging his nails into Jiyong's back hard enough to break skin but he couldn't stop, couldn't loosen his hold or keep the ragged breaths from rattling out of him and how funny it was that he'd thought Jiyong palming him through his jeans was the best thing ever, because this wasn't even on the same planet.
Hyunseung's bare stomach bumped and slid against Jiyong's as his hips rolled up, rutting with his hyung as Jiyong panted into his neck, grinding down, down, and the friction was almost more than Hyunseung could take; he was aching with the need to come and at the same time he wanted to be lost in this forever, holding on to Jiyong for dear life as the waves roared and crashed around them.
Jiyong lifted his head just enough to drag his lips past Hyunseung's collarbone, his hand pumping erratically, slowing down until he let go entirely as he mouthed down Hyunseung's chest, leaving wet half-kisses in his wake. Hyunseung's heart was doing somersaults by the time Jiyong was at his navel, stomach starting to twist and roil again because Jiyong was so close to his dick and he wasn't really going to, he wasn't really, was he? But Jiyong pulled back, brushing his fingers down to take Hyunseung in hand, dragging his wrecked gaze up and down Hyunseung's body, and then he was gripping Hyunseung's hip and leaning down, mouth opening to wrap around the head of Hyunseung's dick and fuck fuck fuck-
Hyunseung made a noise, he knew he did, but he forgot the sound and shape of it as soon as it left his mouth. His fingers flexed and balled up into fists at his sides, needing something to anchor him to this moment but having nothing to grab on to. Jiyong's mouth was pure heat, tight and wet, tongue sliding, and Hyunseung was half-sure he was going to die, it felt so good; he barely kept his hips from snapping up, wanting more more more.
At the same time, the part of Hyunseung that was pinched and twisted with fear, whispering what is this what is this and wrong wrong stop and look at you scrawny pathetic don't let him look too long he won't like what he sees was mixing with the knee-jerk embarrassment rolling up from his gut because Jiyong's mouth was on his dick and it was too close, too intimate, and he couldn't watch; Hyunseung buried his face back into the pillow beneath him, and everything he couldn't handle was gripping his chest and swelling in his brain until his throat constricted, tears welling in his eyes.
Hyunseung desperately tried to shove it down, but he couldn't hold back his body's quaking, the hiccuping in his chest, and all at once the maddening heat was gone and there was a hand on his cheek, tilting his face back into the open air. Jiyong must have felt the wetness before he saw it, because his dark, raw gaze drew up as he mapped out Hyunseung's face. "Hey, what's wrong?" he whispered, low and throaty and so concerned that Hyunseung couldn't begin to voice everything in his head.
"...It's embarrassing." they were the first words that had left his mouth in what felt like an eternity, clogged and raspy, but they weren't untrue.
Jiyong's brows shot up, surprised, before his mouth was stretching in that affectionate grin that clutched at Hyunseung's heart, the one he wouldn't see anymore after tonight; Jiyong leaned down to rest his forehead against Hyunseung's. "God, you're so fucking cute," he whispered against Hyunseung's lips, and then he was pulling away, down Hyunseung's body, shoulders jutting and thighs spread as he swallowed Hyunseung's dick again- Hyunseung's muscles seized, his senses on overload again, and after all this time he still didn't understand how his hyung could be so- so- everything Hyunseung wasn't.
Jiyong's elbows were resting on either side of Hyunseung's hips, flitting his fingers up and down Hyunseung's sides as he slid his mouth further over his dick, sucking and bobbing and clumsily tracing his tongue wherever it could reach; it was maddening, and Hyunseung couldn't take it, and he never wanted it to end; but his thighs were shaking and there was fire spreading through him and he was about two seconds from coming, he had to pull away or else he was going to shoot in Jiyong's mouth (coming in his hyung's mouth oh fuck he shouldn't have thought that)- he scrabbled his hands down, fingers catching the strands of Jiyong's hair as he pushed his head up and away.
Jiyong peered up at him in confusion while Hyunseung tried to grapple for a shred of his self-control, pulling his body back from the dangerous edge of release; he stared back at Jiyong, unable to utter a word to explain himself, but suddenly, boldly, he wanted to make Jiyong feel good too, instead of being trapped on his back by the fear that had been constricting him, letting his hyung do all the work.
He pushed himself up by his forearms, scooting towards Jiyong without much of a plan. The thought of pushing Jiyong back, bending down, opening his mouth for his hyung's cock flashed through his mind, but his stampeding heart and quivering gut made it clear that his courage didn't extend that far; instead he leaned in close when Jiyong pushed himself to his knees, fluttering his eyes shut and pressing his lips to Jiyong's in the only kiss he had initiated so far.
Jiyong didn't hesitate to press back, seemingly pleased by the shift between them; Hyunseung flitted his fingers down Jiyong's chest, his heart thudding when Jiyong's stomach tensed and twitched under his touch. Refusing to give himself enough time to chicken out, Hyunseung plunged forward without looking, his fingers brushing over wiry hairs, the smooth skin along Jiyong's length- Jiyong started at the shy touch, and that reaction sent a little rush of confidence through Hyunseung, enough to wrap his hand around his hyung's dick.
Jiyong broke their kiss off to drop his forehead onto Hyunseung's shoulder as Hyunseung gave a shaky tug; having someone else's dick in his hand was almost as strange as someone else touching his own dick, but Hyunseung fumbled along, pumping as best he could at the awkward angle, twisting his wrist the way he would do to himself. The fear was still there, beating hard against his ribcage, but the bolder part of him was starting to enjoy the feel of the hard, smooth flesh cradled in his palm- and even more, he enjoyed Jiyong's responses; his dick twitched with Jiyong's shuddering breaths against his skin, the small jerk of
hips following after Hyunseung's hand, the way Jiyong leaned more and more of his weight onto Hyunseung.
Hyunseung was just starting to get into a rhythm when Jiyong's hand rose up from the mattress to land on Hyunseung's arm, nudging it, wordlessly asking him to stop. Hyunseung's movements tapered off, and his stomach started to sink with the thought that he was doing something wrong, but Jiyong pulled himself up and met Hyunseung's eyes with that pitch-dark gaze, jumping and roiling and it still sent shivers down Hyunseung's limbs.
"Hyunseung, you trust me, right?" Jiyong murmured, eyes tracing over his face, and as soon as Hyunseung's addled brain processed the words he nodded- that wasn't even a question, of course he trusted his hyung. That was like asking if he liked dancing, or if snow fell in the winter- it was simple fact.
Jiyong lingered on him a second longer before he was clambering off the bed, moving through the darkness to little Seunghyun's side of the room, and Hyunseung could only stare in confusion as Jiyong rifled around the maknae's nightstand, snatching something up and padding back over to the bed. Up close, Hyunseung spied the white bottle of little Seunghyun's hand lotion in his hyung's grip as Jiyong climbed back onto the
mattress, but his mind was still fogged over.
Jiyong's free hand found Hyunseung's chest, gently shoving him until Hyunseung reclined back onto the pillow. His eyes followed Jiyong's movements, and maybe it was because he was actually watching this time, but Hyunseung spotted Jiyong's hands shaking, little tremors running through his arms, causing the bottle in his grip to tremble as he flipped the cap open, tipped it on its side, squeezed its contents into his open palm. Tossing the bottle behind him, Jiyong brought his hands together and smeared the copious amount of lotion over his palms, then brought them down to slide over his dick.
Hyunseung still couldn't piece together what the next step was, but his own dick twitched in response to watching Jiyong run his hands over himself, and he didn't think he'd ever been this hard for this long in his life. It was when Jiyong scooted up on his knees between Hyunseung's legs, gaze flicking up to Hyunseung for a bare second, his lotion-slick fingers coming down to rest on the curves of Hyunseung's ass, gripping, spreading, that Hyunseung finally understood.
That moment was closest Hyunseung came to letting the fear seize control of him completely, the closest he came to letting it bubble over in his gut, freeze his blood, spiral up to grab hold of his voice and speak
through it; he couldn't do this, he couldn't he couldn't it was wrong, it was dirty and wrong and he was terrified, he wasn't ready for this-
It was his other half that choked him before he could speak, though; the bold half, the half that pushed and pushed and wanted more, the half of him that always went overboard, the half that had braved this rushing
tide of hands and lips and tongue and friction- he wanted to see this through to the end. He wanted to know exactly how far this could go. He wanted every part of Jiyong and more. And so his breath hitched
and his arms tensed when Jiyong pushed his hips forward, hands quaking against Hyunseung's flesh, the slick head of his cock slipping over Hyunseung's hole and god Hyunseung tried so hard not to jump three feet in the air.
"Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" Jiyong whispered, low and shaky but still laced with quiet authority, and then he was pushing forward slowly, slowly. Hyunseung's hands blindly scrambled up Jiyong's arms, clinging
to his shoulders, gulping deep breaths of air so he wouldn't hyperventilate, forcing his muscles to relax as much as he could as Jiyong finally breached him.
And fuck, fuck. Hyunseung dug crescents into Jiyong's shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut as his hyung slid into him inch by inch, because it felt so fucking weird. Pain, maybe, he could have understood and dealt with, but his body was only used to one kind of sensation down there and his brain was thrown for a loop trying to process this new feeling, this new push and stretch and he was barely teetering on the line of dealing with it.
When Jiyong had fully pushed himself in, thighs quivering, he half-collapsed onto his forearms over Hyunseung, mouth near his ear. "Does it hurt?" his question lingered over Hyunseung's skin, voice as choked as Hyunseung had heard all night. "N-no," Hyunseung whispered back, and it was the truth, but god, how was he ever supposed to describe the thousand other things about this that had nothing to do with pain?
Jiyong buried his nose just under Hyunseung's ear, lips against skin, and then he was pulling out, out, pushing back in, breath shuddering, and all Hyunseung could do was grip tight and hope he got used to the sensation sooner rather than later. Jiyong shifted onto an arm so one of his hands could fumble down Hyunseung's body to his softening dick, which Hyunseung had almost forgotten about; Jiyong engulfed Hyunseung with his warm palm, sliding erratically in his attempt to multitask; but Jiyong was nothing if not a perfectionist, and after a few tries he was pumping Hyunseung in time with his thrusts, and it definitely did a good enough job of distracting Hyunseung.
When Hyunseung was achingly hard again, Jiyong's hand fell away, sliding over his hip and down under his ass, pulling, silently nudging Hyunseung to cant his hips up. Hyunseung complied as best he could, tilting his hips at the same time Jiyong drove down into him, deeper than before; and the startling, bursting pleasure might has well have been an electric shock for the way it jolted through Hyunseung, overriding the inescapable sensastion of being filled for just a moment, his body jumping against Jiyong's so hard his hyung almost lost balace.
Jiyong's movements stuttered to a halt inside him, pulling his head up just enough to look Hyunseung in the face. "Are you okay?" his whisper was urgent, concerned, and Hyunseung dazedly realized it must have seemed like he was in pain. Again, words couldn't begin to explain what was in his head, what that was; it ached and rippled through him and he was hanging on the edge of terrified but god Hyunseung wanted to feel it again. "Yeah, just..." Embarrassment had the words in a stranglehold before they left his mouth, so instead he tilted his hips in the same way, tugging Jiyong's shoulders slightly, hoping he would get the
message.
Jiyong crouched still for a moment longer before Hyunseung's reaction clicked in his mind and he was moving again, rolling his hips down; Hyunseung couldn't say it happened every time, but after a few jerking, sliding thrusts he was drowning in it, riding the waves through his body, and Jiyong moving in and out of him was still too strange for words but the current inside him was almost more consuming, and his dick was throbbing and he was clutching Jiyong way too tight and it was almost more than he could take.
Jiyong was panting against his neck now, tiny little noises following the breath puffing out over Hyunseung's skin, and his arms were shaking again; the hand that was leaning against the mattress under Hyunseung's hip travelled up again, wrapped around Hyunseung's dick, squeezed and tugged with a little too much force but it was still so good, and Hyunseung bucked with it. Jiyong struggled again, his thrusts stuttering, becoming too shallow, but then he shifted on his knees and rocked down into Hyunseung, and Hyunseung couldn't breathe.
The aching jolt spreading inside him wound its way up to shudder through Hyunseung's dick, through the hand pumping him (too hard too fast) and Hyunseung's orgasm hit him like a train wreck; it hurtled through him, seizing his body and squeezing his muscles and rattling his bones, and it was almost painful when he spilled over Jiyong's fingers. Jiyong was rocking into him faster, harder, groaning fuck fuck fuck into Hyunseung's throat until he ground to a halt, shuddering, ripping out of Hyunseung and it was obvious he was coming too; in his few seconds of hazy post-orgasmic recklessness Hyunseung pushed himself up and snaked his hand out to grab hold of his hyung's dick, pumping Jiyong through his orgasm, come spurting onto Hyunseung's stomach and mixing with what was already there.
The silence of the room was punctured with their sharp breaths, shivering, recovering. Hyunseung slowly came back to himself, and the world became surreal; his hand was still gripping Jiyong's dick. Jiyong's dick that had just been in his ass. Dropping his hand away, the mess of come quivered on his stomach, and oh, Hyunseung didn't even have words for that, his hyung's come on him, and if he thought about it much harder he was going to laugh or cry or some awful mix of both.
"This is disgusting." the words tumbled out of Hyunseung, he couldn't help it, and his arms weren't doing too great a job of supporting him anymore so he dropped back onto the pillow as gently as he could. Jiyong, still catching his breath, dragged his gaze up to meet Hyunseung's eyes; he was exhausted, drooping, but the darkness there was no longer jumping, the crashing waves had lulled, and the sight filled Hyunseung with something he couldn't name, so he called it relief.
Jiyong's gaze trailed down to the mess on Hyunseung's stomach and his face broke into a grin, a few breathless chuckles escaping him, growing into peals of husky laughter. The clawing, raw, desperate force that had consumed them just minutes ago was gone, receding with the tide, and it left them floating, weightless in its absence. Jiyong carefully swung his leg up from Hyunseung's body and scooted off the bed, shuffling around the floor and nudging their discarded articles of clothing with his foot until he found what he was looking for; crouching down to slip on a pair of boxers that Hyunseung was pretty sure were his, even in the darkness, Jiyong padded across the room and slipped out the door.
Just when Hyunseung was starting to feel the little tendrils of spiking panic that his hyung had abandoned him here on the bed, unable to move, Jiyong returned, clutching a handful of paper towels. Winding his way
back to Hyunseung's side, Jiyong uncrinkled the small stack in his hand and almost hesitantly dropped them onto Hyunseung's stomach, his hand coming down on them a moment later, moving back and forth. Hyunseung clenched up in revulsion at the slimy feeling sliding around his skin.
"Okay, this is pretty disgusting," Jiyong remarked as he mopped up the mess, wrinkling his nose when his fingers came into contact with the stickiness soaking the paper towels. "You don't have it on you." Hyunseung didn't even have it in him to sound irritated, because what kind of fucking parallel universe had they fallen into where Jiyong was wiping come off his stomach? "Yep, sucks for you, doesn't it?" Jiyong's mouth stretched in another grin, cheekier this time, and Hyunseung kind of wanted to punch him, or maybe kiss him again. He did neither.
When he was done, Jiyong pinched the used paper towel wad between his fingers, touching as little of it as possible and even holding it away from his body as turned back towards the door. "Let's go shower," Jiyong
threw over his shoulder before he slipped into the hallway, and it was more of a command than anything, but it was one that Hyunseung was happy to comply with.
Hyunseung would have been perfectly content going his entire life without knowing certain sensastions he was experiencing at the moment, namely the itchy film still clinging to his abdomen and the slick, sticky feeling in his ass (and dwelling on why it was like that threatened to suffocate him from the inside out); he braved it all to stumble over the clothing on the floor and pick up the only remaining boxers, which were
definitely Jiyong's, but Hyunseung pulled them on anyway. He grabbed his backpack sitting on the floor near the closet and pulled his spare sweats and t-shirt out, then followed his hyung's lead and ducked out of the bedroom.
Jiyong had the water running in the kitchen, and it was too dark to see what the hell he was doing so Hyunseung started off to the bathroom on his own. The muffled buzz of Seunghyun's snores drifted past Hyunseung as he made his way down the hall, a sudden reminder that other people existed in the universe besides Jiyong, and he was struck with a gut-twisting thought; neither he nor Jiyong had locked the door. What if Youngbae had barged in, concerned with the noises Hyunseung hadn't been able to keep down? What if little Seunghyun had woken up in the living room and decided he'd rather pass out on his bed?
Reaching the tiny bathroom, Hyunseung had grip the doorway, squeeze his eyes shut, shove down the anxiety curling through him; he couldn't handle thinking like that right now, he was on the edge, he was teetering and wobbling and he just couldn't. And none of that had happened, so what was the point of entertaining those ideas at all?
Flicking the light on and leaving the door open a crack, Hyunseung felt oddly justified in the fact that he was getting the shower before his hyung. Clothes set on the toilet seat, he had the water cranked, his borrowed boxers shimmied off and one leg in the shower before Jiyong barged in, a little unexpected but not a surprise, shedding his own borrowed boxers unabashedly and joining Hyunseung. Their pathetic excuse for a shower was barely big enough for one, let alone two, but Hyunseung didn't really mind; he secretly relished the way their wet skin slid together, how Jiyong's fingers worked through his hair and down his back in an insistance to wash him.
Once they were scrubbed down, toweled off, padding back into Hyunseung's (old) bedroom with fresh clothes and wet hair, Jiyong took one look at the disheveled bed they'd been tangled together on and shook his head. He grabbed Hyunseung's (old) pillow off the mattress, then dipped over to the maknae's bed to pull the blanket there into his arms, and finally dumped them both onto the spare mattress that was supposed to be Daesung's bed; he haphazardly arranged the pillow and spread the blanket out, motioning Hyunseung over with a tilt of his head as he climbed under the covers.
Slipping into the unfamiliar bed beside his hyung, the last dregs of adrenaline drained out of Hyunseung and bone-weary exhaustion draped over him, weighing down his shoulders and beating in his temples, making it so easy to collapse when Jiyong wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling Hyunseung to his chest.
It almost seemed like a strange dream, what they had done in that bed a few feet away, so strange Hyunseung almost didn't believe it anymore; all the things he had barely even thought about giving away were now claimed and kept by Jiyong's mouth, his hands, his tongue, his dick, oh god had they really done all that? Hyunseung was thinking too much, there was a chasm in his mind, dark and jagged and waiting for him to fall; he suddenly, desperately wanted to ask Jiyong again, what was that, hyung? what does that make us? what- but that was the chasm trying to pull him under, wanting to drown him in a million things he couldn't face.
Jiyong shifted, turning his head, lips against Hyunseung's temple. "Hey, Hyunseung," he whispered through strands of hair, and Hyunseung's body gave one last, bare shudder. He waited for Jiyong to continue, waited
through what felt like an eternity of moons falling and suns rising, until he wasn't sure he was breathing anymore; but Jiyong just pulled him in tighter, shaking his head wordlessly, and suddenly Hyunseung
understood, understood perfectly- Jiyong had that same chasm in his mind, dark and roiling and filled to the brim with things he could never never say.
So Hyunseung let the fatigue pull his eyes shut, let his body sink into his hyung's warmth for the final time, let his mind be lulled by Jiyong's quiet, sleepy breaths that he would never hear again, and shut the chasm away as tightly as he could.
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Welp, there you have it. Thank you for reading my word-vomit of feels, lovelies.