Fic: The Other Side of Us, Part 12
Title: The Other Side of Us
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 2030
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
October 15th
Noah pulled the long piece of tape down against the teeth of its holder, breaking it off to seal another box of his belongings. Not that he had much to pack. What he did have, he planned to downsize.
He'd found a buyer for his extensive DVD collection, liquidating it for some much-needed cash. He was moving on to Blu-Rays and digital downloads, so parting with the older format would mean that much less to transport. More importantly, he'd be able to afford a week or two at an extended stay hotel once it was time to vacate his apartment at month's end. If Noah could sell a few more things, maybe he could buy enough time to get a few paychecks under his belt, and afford a new apartment.
If not, he was fucked, but there was little use in thinking about that. Maybe he’d sell the Blu-Rays, too. He didn’t even enjoy watching movies these days. If it was something he’d watched with Luke, he’d remember Luke’s reactions to it. If it wasn’t, he’d wonder whether Luke would like it, or what he’d say if not.
In fact, too many things reminded him of Luke. Since those thoughts brought pain, Noah found little contentment in anything. He’d have gone to L.A. just to get away from Oakdale and its memories, but he knew he lacked the drive to do the work. They were expecting someone competent with a creative vision and strong voice - everything he felt he wasn’t anymore.
The memories would follow him, anyway. They even stalked him in sleep, so a change of location was unlikely to help. The dreams often left Noah so unsettled he was jarred from his slumber, and opted to stay awake rather than risk revisiting them.
As a result, he was tired all the time, and increasingly irritable. Returning to Java had proven more difficult than expected. Whereas before, demanding customers didn’t phase him, he now had to work to avoid snapping their heads off.
It was worse in the last few days, since his lunches at Al’s had come to an end. For a month, he’d at least had Reid as a willing target of his shitty moods. For some bizarre reason, the guy seemed to enjoy it when Noah went off on him.
Knowing he didn’t have to pretend to be polite, Noah had actually been able to relax around him. Their sparring had morphed from animosity to mere sport. Mostly.
Reid had truly pissed him off at Memorial. It wasn’t even that the man had been wrong to tell Noah to mind his own business. It was how he’d done it, with that haughty, patronizing attitude.
It evoked everything Noah had hated about Reid for months. As his doctor, Reid had let Noah confide in him about Luke even knowing he was attracted to Luke himself. It still burned Noah that Reid hadn’t afforded him the respect to be honest about what was going on.
Noah remembered what Luke told him - that the two of them worried Noah would refuse the doctor’s treatment if he knew about their involvement. Still, that was Noah’s decision to make. They’d had no right to make it for him.
He’d already felt helpless enough being blind. To be handled like he was an invalid incapable of making a sound decision about his own health hurt Noah badly. He loved Luke, so of course the lies cut deep.
But he’d trusted Reid, so his betrayal stung, too. Unlike Luke, Noah had gotten along with Reid from the start. He’d believed in and even liked him, defending him to Luke on more than one occasion. Noah had stupidly thought Reid wasn’t just his doctor, but his friend.
Reid’s dismissive demeanor the other day tore open those past wounds. This time, the information Noah sought didn't involve him personally. But the condescending attitude he was afforded reminded Noah how insignificant he was in Reid’s eyes; once more, he didn’t even rate enough to bother giving the truth to.
The worst part was that somehow, it hurt all over again.
******
The knock surprised Noah. He immediately ruled out the Snyders, who wouldn’t appear at anyone’s door at 10 p.m. With Casey and Ali living in Carbondale now, there was only one other person he could think of who’d take the liberty of showing up unannounced.
Noah pushed aside an annoying twinge of disappointment when he opened the door to Chris Hughes. “Chris… hi.”
“Hey, Noah,” Chris greeted him. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this but… can I come in?”
“Sure,” Noah replied as he stepped aside to allow Chris entry. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything? I have Coke, or water.” Noah wasn’t exactly prepared for houseguests.
“No thanks. I guess you’re wondering why I’m here,” Chris said, taking a spot on the couch. Noah followed suit, using the chair beside the sofa to face his guest.
“Casey can’t have bailed on you again,” Noah joked.
“True,” Chris agreed. “It’ll be awhile before I make plans with him. He can be a pain, but I already miss the little shit.”
Noah laughed, imagining Casey’s reaction if he could hear the backhanded tribute. “Me too.” It was true, more so than Chris realized. Casey was another person Noah had pulled back from when he went blind.
After regaining his sight but losing Luke, Noah was reluctant to reach out to Casey when he needed a friend. He’d created the distance between them, so had no right to expect their friendship to resume when it was convenient for Noah. But Casey hadn’t cared about any of that.
He’d just materialized at Java one midsummer night as Noah’s shift was ending, announcing he had one case of beer, two pizzas, and three 70’s horror flicks they’d be watching in succession. When Noah stammered over the beginnings of an apology, Casey cut him off with a simple “we’re good” and steered him out the door. All was forgiven without Noah having asked.
After Luke’s accident, Casey again reached out, but seemingly without expectation. At the funeral, he simply embraced Noah and told him, “call me anytime you need me.” He didn’t press to come over or make plans with Noah. It was like Casey instinctively understood that Noah needed that space again, and gave it without complaint.
Now that Casey was gone, Noah was sorry he hadn’t made the call. He should’ve made plans with his friend at least once before Casey left town, but now it was too late. It was just another regret to add to Noah’s growing list.
“I wanted to talk to you about the other day,” Chris began.
Noah cringed. He’d known Chris had overheard the conversation Noah had with his manager. The last thing he wanted was the other guy’s pity.
“I really had a good time. Well, the movie wasn’t that great, but hanging with you was cool,” Chris continued, making Noah realize he was referring to the previous day, and not the one Noah had assumed.
“Yeah, I did too. Though you’re being generous.” Chris started to object, but Noah clarified, “that movie was terrible.”
“It really was,” Chris concurred. “It looked so good in the trailer, too.”
“That’s Hollywood for you. Home of epic trailers for crap movies.” He’d said it with levity, but the reminder of where Noah was supposed to be chased away his humor.
Chris noted the mood change, but went on as if he hadn’t. “Anyway, I wanted to apologize for what I said to you. We just got along so well, it felt more like being with a friend I’ve known a long time. It caused me to overstep, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to say anything about Reid, or give you advice you didn’t ask for.”
Noah was surprised by the purpose of Chris’ visit. “You were just trying to help. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re doing it again,” Chris responded.
“Doing what?”
“That thing where you don’t judge me for fucking up. It’s nice,” Chris admitted.
“We all fuck up,” Noah conceded, brushing aside the compliment that left him embarrassed (as all compliments did), and a tiny bit flattered. Nowadays, he felt like he rarely put a foot right, so it was nice to be told he’d done something decently.
“There’s one other thing I wanted to bring up with you. I overheard something at Java that I didn’t mean to; I think you know what.”
This was what Noah had feared. Struggling financially was hard enough, but having anyone know about it was so much worse. Being pitied made Noah feel like that powerless kid who'd grown up under the colonel’s tyranny.
“I don’t want you to say anything until you hear me out. You know I moved out of Katie’s. Hell, all of Oakdale knows.”
Noah felt slightly comforted at the reminder that he knew some of Chris’ personal trouble, too, so at least they were on somewhat even ground. “I’m sorry about you two. Any chance of working it out?”
“She’s taken Jacob and flown to her mother’s, so I’m guessing not. Honestly, it wouldn’t make a difference if she was here. We weren’t right for each other.”
Noah swallowed hard at Chris’ words. It was like the universe wasn’t content to just destroy him, but wanted to kick around his carcass after the fact. He couldn’t help but wonder how different things would be if Luke was still here.
Realizing he’d have moved to Los Angeles while Luke stayed here with Reid, he supposed not much would have changed in the state of their relationship. The difference would be that Luke got to live his life. Noah would’ve chosen to watch Luke spend it with Reid rather than lose him like this.
Chris noticed the change of demeanor in Noah. Something he’d said unintentionally struck a nerve. He’d have to proceed very carefully.
“The thing is, I’m a thirty-three-year-old man. I can’t live with my parents,” Chris said, hoping to lighten the moment. “I found a place today. A short-term rental, with the option to extend to a yearly lease after six months. I signed the papers pretty much on sight.”
“Congratulations,” Noah offered.
“Thanks. But, I didn’t really think it through. I have since this afternoon, though. And I’ve realized both you and I have problems we could help each other out with. You need a place to live, and I need a roommate.”
Ah. So there was the pity Noah had been dreading. He knew Chris meant well, but he couldn’t stomach it. “You’re a doctor. I’m sure you can afford a place on your own.”
Chris hadn’t anticipated being shot down so quickly, but was prepared with a rebuttal. “You’re right, I can. I just don’t know if it’s too soon after the surgery to be living on my own. Most days I feel good, but there are times I get really run-down. Then I freak out that maybe my body’s rejecting the heart. I know it isn’t likely at this point, but my mind pictures all these scenarios. What if I pass out and no one knows? I’m not working. Unless someone’s expecting me somewhere, if I’m unconscious it could be days before anyone finds me…” Chris trailed off when what was meant to be a ploy for sympathy turned into an involuntary airing of his very real, private fears.
Observing the other man’s emotion, Noah felt ashamed of himself. He’d only thought of the proposal in terms of Chris pitying him. He’d had no idea how scared the man was that Luke’s heart wouldn’t work out, and he’d be facing death all over again.
“If I can afford my half of the rent, let’s do it," Noah decided impulsively.
Relieved, Chris stood from the couch to shake Noah’s hand. When Noah stood to return the gesture, Chris pulled him into a grateful hug. After an initial moment of discomfort, Noah realized that the heart beating against his own chest was Luke’s, so he returned the embrace, lingering within it to soak in the feeling.
Chapter 13
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 2030
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
October 15th
Noah pulled the long piece of tape down against the teeth of its holder, breaking it off to seal another box of his belongings. Not that he had much to pack. What he did have, he planned to downsize.
He'd found a buyer for his extensive DVD collection, liquidating it for some much-needed cash. He was moving on to Blu-Rays and digital downloads, so parting with the older format would mean that much less to transport. More importantly, he'd be able to afford a week or two at an extended stay hotel once it was time to vacate his apartment at month's end. If Noah could sell a few more things, maybe he could buy enough time to get a few paychecks under his belt, and afford a new apartment.
If not, he was fucked, but there was little use in thinking about that. Maybe he’d sell the Blu-Rays, too. He didn’t even enjoy watching movies these days. If it was something he’d watched with Luke, he’d remember Luke’s reactions to it. If it wasn’t, he’d wonder whether Luke would like it, or what he’d say if not.
In fact, too many things reminded him of Luke. Since those thoughts brought pain, Noah found little contentment in anything. He’d have gone to L.A. just to get away from Oakdale and its memories, but he knew he lacked the drive to do the work. They were expecting someone competent with a creative vision and strong voice - everything he felt he wasn’t anymore.
The memories would follow him, anyway. They even stalked him in sleep, so a change of location was unlikely to help. The dreams often left Noah so unsettled he was jarred from his slumber, and opted to stay awake rather than risk revisiting them.
As a result, he was tired all the time, and increasingly irritable. Returning to Java had proven more difficult than expected. Whereas before, demanding customers didn’t phase him, he now had to work to avoid snapping their heads off.
It was worse in the last few days, since his lunches at Al’s had come to an end. For a month, he’d at least had Reid as a willing target of his shitty moods. For some bizarre reason, the guy seemed to enjoy it when Noah went off on him.
Knowing he didn’t have to pretend to be polite, Noah had actually been able to relax around him. Their sparring had morphed from animosity to mere sport. Mostly.
Reid had truly pissed him off at Memorial. It wasn’t even that the man had been wrong to tell Noah to mind his own business. It was how he’d done it, with that haughty, patronizing attitude.
It evoked everything Noah had hated about Reid for months. As his doctor, Reid had let Noah confide in him about Luke even knowing he was attracted to Luke himself. It still burned Noah that Reid hadn’t afforded him the respect to be honest about what was going on.
Noah remembered what Luke told him - that the two of them worried Noah would refuse the doctor’s treatment if he knew about their involvement. Still, that was Noah’s decision to make. They’d had no right to make it for him.
He’d already felt helpless enough being blind. To be handled like he was an invalid incapable of making a sound decision about his own health hurt Noah badly. He loved Luke, so of course the lies cut deep.
But he’d trusted Reid, so his betrayal stung, too. Unlike Luke, Noah had gotten along with Reid from the start. He’d believed in and even liked him, defending him to Luke on more than one occasion. Noah had stupidly thought Reid wasn’t just his doctor, but his friend.
Reid’s dismissive demeanor the other day tore open those past wounds. This time, the information Noah sought didn't involve him personally. But the condescending attitude he was afforded reminded Noah how insignificant he was in Reid’s eyes; once more, he didn’t even rate enough to bother giving the truth to.
The worst part was that somehow, it hurt all over again.
******
The knock surprised Noah. He immediately ruled out the Snyders, who wouldn’t appear at anyone’s door at 10 p.m. With Casey and Ali living in Carbondale now, there was only one other person he could think of who’d take the liberty of showing up unannounced.
Noah pushed aside an annoying twinge of disappointment when he opened the door to Chris Hughes. “Chris… hi.”
“Hey, Noah,” Chris greeted him. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this but… can I come in?”
“Sure,” Noah replied as he stepped aside to allow Chris entry. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything? I have Coke, or water.” Noah wasn’t exactly prepared for houseguests.
“No thanks. I guess you’re wondering why I’m here,” Chris said, taking a spot on the couch. Noah followed suit, using the chair beside the sofa to face his guest.
“Casey can’t have bailed on you again,” Noah joked.
“True,” Chris agreed. “It’ll be awhile before I make plans with him. He can be a pain, but I already miss the little shit.”
Noah laughed, imagining Casey’s reaction if he could hear the backhanded tribute. “Me too.” It was true, more so than Chris realized. Casey was another person Noah had pulled back from when he went blind.
After regaining his sight but losing Luke, Noah was reluctant to reach out to Casey when he needed a friend. He’d created the distance between them, so had no right to expect their friendship to resume when it was convenient for Noah. But Casey hadn’t cared about any of that.
He’d just materialized at Java one midsummer night as Noah’s shift was ending, announcing he had one case of beer, two pizzas, and three 70’s horror flicks they’d be watching in succession. When Noah stammered over the beginnings of an apology, Casey cut him off with a simple “we’re good” and steered him out the door. All was forgiven without Noah having asked.
After Luke’s accident, Casey again reached out, but seemingly without expectation. At the funeral, he simply embraced Noah and told him, “call me anytime you need me.” He didn’t press to come over or make plans with Noah. It was like Casey instinctively understood that Noah needed that space again, and gave it without complaint.
Now that Casey was gone, Noah was sorry he hadn’t made the call. He should’ve made plans with his friend at least once before Casey left town, but now it was too late. It was just another regret to add to Noah’s growing list.
“I wanted to talk to you about the other day,” Chris began.
Noah cringed. He’d known Chris had overheard the conversation Noah had with his manager. The last thing he wanted was the other guy’s pity.
“I really had a good time. Well, the movie wasn’t that great, but hanging with you was cool,” Chris continued, making Noah realize he was referring to the previous day, and not the one Noah had assumed.
“Yeah, I did too. Though you’re being generous.” Chris started to object, but Noah clarified, “that movie was terrible.”
“It really was,” Chris concurred. “It looked so good in the trailer, too.”
“That’s Hollywood for you. Home of epic trailers for crap movies.” He’d said it with levity, but the reminder of where Noah was supposed to be chased away his humor.
Chris noted the mood change, but went on as if he hadn’t. “Anyway, I wanted to apologize for what I said to you. We just got along so well, it felt more like being with a friend I’ve known a long time. It caused me to overstep, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to say anything about Reid, or give you advice you didn’t ask for.”
Noah was surprised by the purpose of Chris’ visit. “You were just trying to help. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re doing it again,” Chris responded.
“Doing what?”
“That thing where you don’t judge me for fucking up. It’s nice,” Chris admitted.
“We all fuck up,” Noah conceded, brushing aside the compliment that left him embarrassed (as all compliments did), and a tiny bit flattered. Nowadays, he felt like he rarely put a foot right, so it was nice to be told he’d done something decently.
“There’s one other thing I wanted to bring up with you. I overheard something at Java that I didn’t mean to; I think you know what.”
This was what Noah had feared. Struggling financially was hard enough, but having anyone know about it was so much worse. Being pitied made Noah feel like that powerless kid who'd grown up under the colonel’s tyranny.
“I don’t want you to say anything until you hear me out. You know I moved out of Katie’s. Hell, all of Oakdale knows.”
Noah felt slightly comforted at the reminder that he knew some of Chris’ personal trouble, too, so at least they were on somewhat even ground. “I’m sorry about you two. Any chance of working it out?”
“She’s taken Jacob and flown to her mother’s, so I’m guessing not. Honestly, it wouldn’t make a difference if she was here. We weren’t right for each other.”
Noah swallowed hard at Chris’ words. It was like the universe wasn’t content to just destroy him, but wanted to kick around his carcass after the fact. He couldn’t help but wonder how different things would be if Luke was still here.
Realizing he’d have moved to Los Angeles while Luke stayed here with Reid, he supposed not much would have changed in the state of their relationship. The difference would be that Luke got to live his life. Noah would’ve chosen to watch Luke spend it with Reid rather than lose him like this.
Chris noticed the change of demeanor in Noah. Something he’d said unintentionally struck a nerve. He’d have to proceed very carefully.
“The thing is, I’m a thirty-three-year-old man. I can’t live with my parents,” Chris said, hoping to lighten the moment. “I found a place today. A short-term rental, with the option to extend to a yearly lease after six months. I signed the papers pretty much on sight.”
“Congratulations,” Noah offered.
“Thanks. But, I didn’t really think it through. I have since this afternoon, though. And I’ve realized both you and I have problems we could help each other out with. You need a place to live, and I need a roommate.”
Ah. So there was the pity Noah had been dreading. He knew Chris meant well, but he couldn’t stomach it. “You’re a doctor. I’m sure you can afford a place on your own.”
Chris hadn’t anticipated being shot down so quickly, but was prepared with a rebuttal. “You’re right, I can. I just don’t know if it’s too soon after the surgery to be living on my own. Most days I feel good, but there are times I get really run-down. Then I freak out that maybe my body’s rejecting the heart. I know it isn’t likely at this point, but my mind pictures all these scenarios. What if I pass out and no one knows? I’m not working. Unless someone’s expecting me somewhere, if I’m unconscious it could be days before anyone finds me…” Chris trailed off when what was meant to be a ploy for sympathy turned into an involuntary airing of his very real, private fears.
Observing the other man’s emotion, Noah felt ashamed of himself. He’d only thought of the proposal in terms of Chris pitying him. He’d had no idea how scared the man was that Luke’s heart wouldn’t work out, and he’d be facing death all over again.
“If I can afford my half of the rent, let’s do it," Noah decided impulsively.
Relieved, Chris stood from the couch to shake Noah’s hand. When Noah stood to return the gesture, Chris pulled him into a grateful hug. After an initial moment of discomfort, Noah realized that the heart beating against his own chest was Luke’s, so he returned the embrace, lingering within it to soak in the feeling.
Chapter 13