Fic: The Other Side of Us, Part 11
Title: The Other Side of Us
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1375
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
The rest of Reid's day proved uneventful, and his mind kept wandering back to Holden's visit. It could've been handled it better, but maybe he couldn't have handled it better. As a physician, he’d faced loss often enough, but experiencing the loss of a loved one wasn't something he’d encountered in his adult life.
Sharing that loss with people who were virtual strangers made Reid feel all the more out of his depth. He was a man of action thrown into a situation in which no action he could take would improve matters. Accustomed to triumphing over complex neurological conditions only he could fix, his sense of impotence since Luke’s death troubled him.
Powerlessness didn't suit him. Grasping for something useful to do in the wake of the accident had mostly proved fruitless. He’d done the requisite things he knew people were supposed to; he’d sent flowers, attended the funeral, and made a donation to the Snyder foundation in Luke’s name.
Reid knew how insufficient it was. He was Luke’s boyfriend for God’s sake, yet he’d only done as much as a neighbor or the mailman probably had. At a loss for any constructive action to take, he’d acted as a mere acquaintance would have.
But to the Snyders, that’s all he was. The fault was entirely his own. He’d resisted nearly every attempt Luke made to get Reid to spend time with the family.
The exception had been Holden’s non-wedding. He’d given in to Luke then, and gotten a front-row seat to the insanity that was the Snyder household. Holden had seemed like the sensible one, but failed to show on time for his wedding to Molly because he’d followed Lily across the ocean.
Reid couldn't help but pity Molly. Even though she was supposed to be marrying into the family, she’d seemed like an outsider. Like him. That day, Reid had an unsettling vision of himself in her role, waiting at the farm to marry Luke on their wedding day and being left to wonder if he’d show.
It was a crazy idea; he’d only just begun dating Luke. Settling down in boring matrimony wasn't something he saw himself doing for a long time, if ever. But his mind seemed to want to warn him: this could be you.
At the time, Reid chalked the flight of fancy up to his discomfort in his surroundings. Alone for most of his life, being thrust into the melodramatic Snyder family event made him feel out of place. After their lovemaking near-miss in the honeymoon suite, though, he recognized that his daydream had a lot more to do with wondering if his relationship with Luke would endure. Or would Luke, like his father, eventually run off to chase someone else?
This train of thought brought him back to Noah, a subject that shouldn't matter to him at all. Noah’s role in his life had been nothing but a former patient and his boyfriend’s ex. And unfortunately, an occasional cockblocker.
The first day he’d approached Noah at Al’s, Reid had operated on pure impulse. He’d been unsettled since seeing the other man’s collapse at the cemetery. It had brought the finality of Luke’s death home in a way even standing watch at his deathbed hadn't.
The hospital scene had been too surreal to fully sink in. The longer it went on, the more outside of himself Reid felt. It was as if he were a viewer to some dramatic movie of the week - not a participant in a real-life tragedy.
It was no wonder Ethan had thought Luke was only sleeping. He’d looked so peaceful lying in the hospital bed. His face was unscathed, a few lacerations on his arm the only outward signs of injury.
So Reid had settled into emotional denial in the subsequent days. Luke was too young, vibrant, and alive to really be gone. While Reid logically knew Luke was dead, his heart didn't accept it in the way his brain did.
Until he’d come across the broken Noah at Oaklawn Cemetery. The sight of the normally guarded young man openly sobbing into the earth had smashed home the reality of their loss in a way nothing else had. When Reid encountered Noah a few days later, he couldn't resist the urge to engage him.
He’d been motivated by several things. Reid knew Noah’s reaction to his approach would be displeasure, at the very least, and he wanted that resentment. He needed to speak to one human in this town who’d treat him with the same derision they had before Luke’s death. Noah absolutely delivered, telling him off before walking out.
But though he didn't admit it to himself at the time, Reid had been concerned, too. Not in the way he’d cared about Noah’s eyesight and his health once upon a time. That was his job, and Reid’s interest in the man’s healing was largely founded in his desire to exhibit his own skill.
This concern was different. He supposed it was rooted in his feelings for his boyfriend. Luke had moved heaven and earth to make Reid take Noah’s case. Though Luke had ended up with him, Reid knew he never stopped worrying about Noah.
It went deeper than that. Luke was the kind of person who instinctively knew how to love, but not at all how to stop. Consequently, as Reid began getting close to Luke, he’d quickly realized the only version of Luke available to him was one that still loved Noah. If Reid wanted Luke, he’d have to accept him like that, so he did.
While he might've wondered deep down if they'd last, while Luke was alive he wasn't overly troubled by such thoughts. Self-doubt wasn't in Reid’s nature, so although Luke hadn't completely moved on from Noah, he didn't worry. He thought they’d have time to progress, and forge those deeper bonds that came with years of intimacy.
Fate thought otherwise, and changed Reid’s perspective on their relationship. Whereas before he’d believed they were slowly moving forward, he sometimes wondered now if Luke was simply biding his time. It didn't feel like that when they were together. Luke had been in the moment right along with him, and Reid could feel how much Luke wanted him.
But Noah was never really out of the picture. Luke wanted his ex in his life. Reid didn't know all the specifics, but was aware Luke’s last attempt at regaining Noah’s friendship had been rebuffed.
Reid did the understanding boyfriend thing to the best of his ability, assuring Luke that Noah would come around. Luke laughed, because he knew Reid was doing “the understanding boyfriend” thing only because he’d learned it from Luke. He joked that Reid’s real response would've been to tell Noah where to go.
That was closer to the truth, though he wouldn't have bothered. He only gave a damn that Noah came around for Luke’s sake. Reid certainly wouldn't have minded if the guy had gone to L.A. and they’d never seen him again.
Instead, Luke died, and Noah remained. When Reid had spotted Noah a second time at Al’s - this time, looking cornered by the maternal suffocation of Lily Snyder - he couldn't help but act. Afterwards, he realized that in a strange way, helping extricate Noah from the situation felt like the first tangible thing he’d been able to do for Luke.
Reid knew their interactions in the month since had benefited both Noah and himself. If nothing else, they distracted each other, and that had been enough. Now that Noah had struck up a friendship with Chris Hughes, though, the playbook had changed.
Rehashing his past run-ins with Chris did not feature high on Reid’s to-do list. It wasn't even that he cared whether or not people knew about their history. It was that he resented Noah’s demand to explain himself.
In retrospect, he understood Chris could've made up anything. It was stupid to have gotten annoyed with Noah when he had no idea what lies had driven the other man to question him in the first place. But some part of him had been disappointed.
For reasons he couldn't fathom, Reid wished Noah’s opinion of him had been high enough to ignore any idiotic accusations Chris Hughes invented.
Chapter 12
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1375
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
The rest of Reid's day proved uneventful, and his mind kept wandering back to Holden's visit. It could've been handled it better, but maybe he couldn't have handled it better. As a physician, he’d faced loss often enough, but experiencing the loss of a loved one wasn't something he’d encountered in his adult life.
Sharing that loss with people who were virtual strangers made Reid feel all the more out of his depth. He was a man of action thrown into a situation in which no action he could take would improve matters. Accustomed to triumphing over complex neurological conditions only he could fix, his sense of impotence since Luke’s death troubled him.
Powerlessness didn't suit him. Grasping for something useful to do in the wake of the accident had mostly proved fruitless. He’d done the requisite things he knew people were supposed to; he’d sent flowers, attended the funeral, and made a donation to the Snyder foundation in Luke’s name.
Reid knew how insufficient it was. He was Luke’s boyfriend for God’s sake, yet he’d only done as much as a neighbor or the mailman probably had. At a loss for any constructive action to take, he’d acted as a mere acquaintance would have.
But to the Snyders, that’s all he was. The fault was entirely his own. He’d resisted nearly every attempt Luke made to get Reid to spend time with the family.
The exception had been Holden’s non-wedding. He’d given in to Luke then, and gotten a front-row seat to the insanity that was the Snyder household. Holden had seemed like the sensible one, but failed to show on time for his wedding to Molly because he’d followed Lily across the ocean.
Reid couldn't help but pity Molly. Even though she was supposed to be marrying into the family, she’d seemed like an outsider. Like him. That day, Reid had an unsettling vision of himself in her role, waiting at the farm to marry Luke on their wedding day and being left to wonder if he’d show.
It was a crazy idea; he’d only just begun dating Luke. Settling down in boring matrimony wasn't something he saw himself doing for a long time, if ever. But his mind seemed to want to warn him: this could be you.
At the time, Reid chalked the flight of fancy up to his discomfort in his surroundings. Alone for most of his life, being thrust into the melodramatic Snyder family event made him feel out of place. After their lovemaking near-miss in the honeymoon suite, though, he recognized that his daydream had a lot more to do with wondering if his relationship with Luke would endure. Or would Luke, like his father, eventually run off to chase someone else?
This train of thought brought him back to Noah, a subject that shouldn't matter to him at all. Noah’s role in his life had been nothing but a former patient and his boyfriend’s ex. And unfortunately, an occasional cockblocker.
The first day he’d approached Noah at Al’s, Reid had operated on pure impulse. He’d been unsettled since seeing the other man’s collapse at the cemetery. It had brought the finality of Luke’s death home in a way even standing watch at his deathbed hadn't.
The hospital scene had been too surreal to fully sink in. The longer it went on, the more outside of himself Reid felt. It was as if he were a viewer to some dramatic movie of the week - not a participant in a real-life tragedy.
It was no wonder Ethan had thought Luke was only sleeping. He’d looked so peaceful lying in the hospital bed. His face was unscathed, a few lacerations on his arm the only outward signs of injury.
So Reid had settled into emotional denial in the subsequent days. Luke was too young, vibrant, and alive to really be gone. While Reid logically knew Luke was dead, his heart didn't accept it in the way his brain did.
Until he’d come across the broken Noah at Oaklawn Cemetery. The sight of the normally guarded young man openly sobbing into the earth had smashed home the reality of their loss in a way nothing else had. When Reid encountered Noah a few days later, he couldn't resist the urge to engage him.
He’d been motivated by several things. Reid knew Noah’s reaction to his approach would be displeasure, at the very least, and he wanted that resentment. He needed to speak to one human in this town who’d treat him with the same derision they had before Luke’s death. Noah absolutely delivered, telling him off before walking out.
But though he didn't admit it to himself at the time, Reid had been concerned, too. Not in the way he’d cared about Noah’s eyesight and his health once upon a time. That was his job, and Reid’s interest in the man’s healing was largely founded in his desire to exhibit his own skill.
This concern was different. He supposed it was rooted in his feelings for his boyfriend. Luke had moved heaven and earth to make Reid take Noah’s case. Though Luke had ended up with him, Reid knew he never stopped worrying about Noah.
It went deeper than that. Luke was the kind of person who instinctively knew how to love, but not at all how to stop. Consequently, as Reid began getting close to Luke, he’d quickly realized the only version of Luke available to him was one that still loved Noah. If Reid wanted Luke, he’d have to accept him like that, so he did.
While he might've wondered deep down if they'd last, while Luke was alive he wasn't overly troubled by such thoughts. Self-doubt wasn't in Reid’s nature, so although Luke hadn't completely moved on from Noah, he didn't worry. He thought they’d have time to progress, and forge those deeper bonds that came with years of intimacy.
Fate thought otherwise, and changed Reid’s perspective on their relationship. Whereas before he’d believed they were slowly moving forward, he sometimes wondered now if Luke was simply biding his time. It didn't feel like that when they were together. Luke had been in the moment right along with him, and Reid could feel how much Luke wanted him.
But Noah was never really out of the picture. Luke wanted his ex in his life. Reid didn't know all the specifics, but was aware Luke’s last attempt at regaining Noah’s friendship had been rebuffed.
Reid did the understanding boyfriend thing to the best of his ability, assuring Luke that Noah would come around. Luke laughed, because he knew Reid was doing “the understanding boyfriend” thing only because he’d learned it from Luke. He joked that Reid’s real response would've been to tell Noah where to go.
That was closer to the truth, though he wouldn't have bothered. He only gave a damn that Noah came around for Luke’s sake. Reid certainly wouldn't have minded if the guy had gone to L.A. and they’d never seen him again.
Instead, Luke died, and Noah remained. When Reid had spotted Noah a second time at Al’s - this time, looking cornered by the maternal suffocation of Lily Snyder - he couldn't help but act. Afterwards, he realized that in a strange way, helping extricate Noah from the situation felt like the first tangible thing he’d been able to do for Luke.
Reid knew their interactions in the month since had benefited both Noah and himself. If nothing else, they distracted each other, and that had been enough. Now that Noah had struck up a friendship with Chris Hughes, though, the playbook had changed.
Rehashing his past run-ins with Chris did not feature high on Reid’s to-do list. It wasn't even that he cared whether or not people knew about their history. It was that he resented Noah’s demand to explain himself.
In retrospect, he understood Chris could've made up anything. It was stupid to have gotten annoyed with Noah when he had no idea what lies had driven the other man to question him in the first place. But some part of him had been disappointed.
For reasons he couldn't fathom, Reid wished Noah’s opinion of him had been high enough to ignore any idiotic accusations Chris Hughes invented.
Chapter 12