Fic: The Other Side of Us, Part 10
Title: The Other Side of Us
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1545
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
October 12th
Reid had just sat down to lunch - this time, in the relative safety of his office - when he heard a knock. So much for hiding out from humankind. They were determined to hunt him down, his wishes for a moment of peace be damned.
“Someone had better be dying,” he warned the door.
When it opened to reveal Holden Snyder, Reid was genuinely surprised. He’d expected an inept intern with a lame question or an overworked nurse with a lofty grievance. Perhaps he’d momentarily considered that Noah might show up again, but in light of their last interaction, it was unlikely.
At any rate, Reid hadn’t expected a visit from Luke’s father. “Can I help you, Mr. Snyder?”
“May I come in?”
Reid blinked as he realized the man was still standing in the door frame. No one ever actually asked to step foot in his office; they just did. Holden’s son wouldn’t have even bothered knocking…
Reid mentally jerked his brain away from thoughts of Luke. “It’s a free country,” he replied, then cringed. To think he’d been worried an intern would say something stupid; he could give them a run for their money at the moment.
“Thanks,” Holden responded, crossing the room to stand next to the chair in front of Reid’s desk. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.”
“Please do,” Reid offered, attempting to smooth over his previous sarcasm with his best effort at civility. Indicating the microwaved atrocity in the plastic tray, he tried for levity by adding, “it’s horrendous.” He hadn’t meant to be short with the Snyder patriarch. It was just a reflexive reaction to being thrown by the man’s visit.
Reid was accustomed to feeling prepared and in control of his own universe at all times. This situation left him feeling neither. The only thing they had in common was Luke, and Reid had no desire to revisit that subject.
“Thank you,” Holden said again as he took a seat. “So. How’ve you been?”
It was a simple pleasantry, nothing more. Yet Reid’s mind seemed paralyzed as he groped for a reply. He knew the acceptable answer was fine; even he grasped etiquette that basic. But as he regarded a tired-looking Holden Snyder, the lie refused to emerge.
“I’ve been,” he settled on. That would have to be enough. As Holden nodded sympathetically, Reid realized it was.
“Yeah,” Holden affirmed. “It’s the same with us. Everyone’s just taking it day by day. The girls have been back in school for a few weeks. They didn’t want to go, but being at home all day wasn’t helping. They need the distraction.
We sent Ethan, too, but had to pick him up his first day back. His teacher said he cried at his desk for two solid hours. He hasn’t been back. He just can’t handle being away from both Lily and I at the same time. We’re home-schooling him for the moment, and he sees a counselor twice a week. Doesn’t seem like it’s helping yet, but I know it’ll take time. For all of us, really…
Holden stopped, appearing to realize he’d somehow transitioned from giving a simple update to spilling his guts to a virtual stranger. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I’m not at my best right now.” He blinked hard, moisture threatening eyes that were already red-rimmed.
“Join the club,” Reid answered, trying to sound understanding, or at least unconcerned. Anything but what he was, which was entirely unsettled. He didn’t want to remember the image of Luke’s siblings crying over their brother's deathbed, but it pushed forward in his mind now.
He’d tried not to think about them at all since that day. The last thing he wanted was the news that the devastated children weren’t coping well with the loss of their brother. Reid knew Holden hadn’t meant to overshare in such a way. Luke had often talked about how strong his father was, but the effort needed to be strong for his surviving children was clearly taking its toll on the obviously exhausted man.
Reid didn’t want this. He didn’t want knowledge of this decimated family. He didn’t want the sight of the broken man in front of him. He didn’t want to be made to feel these things he’d worked so hard not to feel.
“Is there something I can help you with?” Reid’s tone wasn’t cold, but it was business-like. Enough to make it obvious the question wasn’t an actual offer of assistance, but a request to get on with whatever Holden had come here for. Every moment in the other man’s presence made Reid feel less in control of his own emotions.
“I hope so,” Holden confided. “I’m worried about Noah.”
Reid tried to ignore the myriad of feelings that simple statement unleashed within him. He hadn’t heard from Noah since their run-in yesterday. Not that he’d have any reason to. Even if they hadn’t parted badly, there’d be no more Al’s lunches with both of them back at work.
“And how does that concern me?”
“It concerns me,” Holden returned gamely, unfazed by Reid’s… Reidness. “He barely comes by the house, and when we visit, he’s never there. Except sometimes he is, and just doesn’t answer the door.”
Reid wished he’d thought of that option five minutes ago.
“I’m asking you because you’ve been spending time with him. People have seen you together. You’re apparently the only one he’ll talk to,” Holden informed him.
“Apparently not,” Reid corrected, thinking Chris had seemingly been talking to Noah quite a bit lately. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know him that well.”
“I see,” Holden said, with an inflection that indicated he didn’t. “When you see him, can you let him know we’re thinking of him? And… there’s no pressure. We just want him to know we’re there if he needs us.”
“I doubt I’ll be seeing him anytime soon,” Reid answered. Realizing Holden probably thought he just didn’t want to be bothered with relaying a message, he tacked on, “but if I do, I’ll tell him.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ll let you get back to your meal.” Holden stood, reaching across the desk to shake Reid’s hand before turning to exit. After he’d gone, Reid found no appetite for the lukewarm entrée, anyway. His thoughts were too distracting, now.
Reid could admit to himself that he’d enjoyed the time spent with Noah. It wasn’t often he came across someone who matched his snark barb for barb. He couldn’t remember the last time, if there even was one.
Reid used to love saying increasingly outrageous things to Luke, to see how far he could get before Luke would give up with an adorably aggravated huff and accompanying eye roll. Such moments were his little victories. Knowing he’d gotten under Luke’s skin was his reward.
Conversation with Noah couldn’t be more different. Noah stubbornly refused to be shocked by anything Reid said. It was incredibly frustrating at first, until Reid realized that saying ever-more outlandish things would spur Noah to step it up and match him. This had resulted in some of the most wickedly funny conversations Reid had ever been a part of - the kind where anyone outside of the conversation would be horrified by the things said within it.
Noah didn’t give a damn what Reid thought of him, and he couldn't care less what kind of person Reid was. At least he hadn’t, until yesterday. Whatever Chris Hughes had told him, Noah suddenly needed Reid to explain himself.
He could concede that he’d reacted badly, but Noah had overstepped by a mile. His past was none of Noah’s business. And being expected to refute or confirm any allegations by Chris was unbelievable.
Noah might as well have asked him, “Are you the shitty human Chris claims?” Such an interrogation was completely out-of-bounds in the context of their… relationship? God, no. Friendship? Again - no.
Association, Reid decided. Asking such questions crossed some sort of invisible line that he’d thought they both implicitly recognized and respected. The appeal of their time together was that it wasn’t personal.
The whole reason it had worked so far was that neither expected or asked anything of the other. Whatever Chris accused Reid of was irrelevant, since neither Reid nor Noah was supposed to care about what kind of person the other was. Giving a damn created expectation, and one thing Reid had no stomach for at the moment was others’ expectations.
It was why he’d mostly kept his distance from Katie, Jacob, and even Bob. They all expected things of him. They expected him to be good, whatever that was. They expected him to be civil with people and patient with hapless nurses and just an all-around decent guy.
No matter how he’d try to tell them otherwise, they believed he was better than he was. On the flip side, Reid knew Luke’s family and friends didn’t think he was good enough - at least not for Luke. Only Noah had just let him be who he was, and didn’t bother to care whether or not it was any good.
Until Chris Hughes got involved and fucked everything up.
Chapter 11
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1545
Summary: Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
October 12th
Reid had just sat down to lunch - this time, in the relative safety of his office - when he heard a knock. So much for hiding out from humankind. They were determined to hunt him down, his wishes for a moment of peace be damned.
“Someone had better be dying,” he warned the door.
When it opened to reveal Holden Snyder, Reid was genuinely surprised. He’d expected an inept intern with a lame question or an overworked nurse with a lofty grievance. Perhaps he’d momentarily considered that Noah might show up again, but in light of their last interaction, it was unlikely.
At any rate, Reid hadn’t expected a visit from Luke’s father. “Can I help you, Mr. Snyder?”
“May I come in?”
Reid blinked as he realized the man was still standing in the door frame. No one ever actually asked to step foot in his office; they just did. Holden’s son wouldn’t have even bothered knocking…
Reid mentally jerked his brain away from thoughts of Luke. “It’s a free country,” he replied, then cringed. To think he’d been worried an intern would say something stupid; he could give them a run for their money at the moment.
“Thanks,” Holden responded, crossing the room to stand next to the chair in front of Reid’s desk. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.”
“Please do,” Reid offered, attempting to smooth over his previous sarcasm with his best effort at civility. Indicating the microwaved atrocity in the plastic tray, he tried for levity by adding, “it’s horrendous.” He hadn’t meant to be short with the Snyder patriarch. It was just a reflexive reaction to being thrown by the man’s visit.
Reid was accustomed to feeling prepared and in control of his own universe at all times. This situation left him feeling neither. The only thing they had in common was Luke, and Reid had no desire to revisit that subject.
“Thank you,” Holden said again as he took a seat. “So. How’ve you been?”
It was a simple pleasantry, nothing more. Yet Reid’s mind seemed paralyzed as he groped for a reply. He knew the acceptable answer was fine; even he grasped etiquette that basic. But as he regarded a tired-looking Holden Snyder, the lie refused to emerge.
“I’ve been,” he settled on. That would have to be enough. As Holden nodded sympathetically, Reid realized it was.
“Yeah,” Holden affirmed. “It’s the same with us. Everyone’s just taking it day by day. The girls have been back in school for a few weeks. They didn’t want to go, but being at home all day wasn’t helping. They need the distraction.
We sent Ethan, too, but had to pick him up his first day back. His teacher said he cried at his desk for two solid hours. He hasn’t been back. He just can’t handle being away from both Lily and I at the same time. We’re home-schooling him for the moment, and he sees a counselor twice a week. Doesn’t seem like it’s helping yet, but I know it’ll take time. For all of us, really…
Holden stopped, appearing to realize he’d somehow transitioned from giving a simple update to spilling his guts to a virtual stranger. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I’m not at my best right now.” He blinked hard, moisture threatening eyes that were already red-rimmed.
“Join the club,” Reid answered, trying to sound understanding, or at least unconcerned. Anything but what he was, which was entirely unsettled. He didn’t want to remember the image of Luke’s siblings crying over their brother's deathbed, but it pushed forward in his mind now.
He’d tried not to think about them at all since that day. The last thing he wanted was the news that the devastated children weren’t coping well with the loss of their brother. Reid knew Holden hadn’t meant to overshare in such a way. Luke had often talked about how strong his father was, but the effort needed to be strong for his surviving children was clearly taking its toll on the obviously exhausted man.
Reid didn’t want this. He didn’t want knowledge of this decimated family. He didn’t want the sight of the broken man in front of him. He didn’t want to be made to feel these things he’d worked so hard not to feel.
“Is there something I can help you with?” Reid’s tone wasn’t cold, but it was business-like. Enough to make it obvious the question wasn’t an actual offer of assistance, but a request to get on with whatever Holden had come here for. Every moment in the other man’s presence made Reid feel less in control of his own emotions.
“I hope so,” Holden confided. “I’m worried about Noah.”
Reid tried to ignore the myriad of feelings that simple statement unleashed within him. He hadn’t heard from Noah since their run-in yesterday. Not that he’d have any reason to. Even if they hadn’t parted badly, there’d be no more Al’s lunches with both of them back at work.
“And how does that concern me?”
“It concerns me,” Holden returned gamely, unfazed by Reid’s… Reidness. “He barely comes by the house, and when we visit, he’s never there. Except sometimes he is, and just doesn’t answer the door.”
Reid wished he’d thought of that option five minutes ago.
“I’m asking you because you’ve been spending time with him. People have seen you together. You’re apparently the only one he’ll talk to,” Holden informed him.
“Apparently not,” Reid corrected, thinking Chris had seemingly been talking to Noah quite a bit lately. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know him that well.”
“I see,” Holden said, with an inflection that indicated he didn’t. “When you see him, can you let him know we’re thinking of him? And… there’s no pressure. We just want him to know we’re there if he needs us.”
“I doubt I’ll be seeing him anytime soon,” Reid answered. Realizing Holden probably thought he just didn’t want to be bothered with relaying a message, he tacked on, “but if I do, I’ll tell him.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ll let you get back to your meal.” Holden stood, reaching across the desk to shake Reid’s hand before turning to exit. After he’d gone, Reid found no appetite for the lukewarm entrée, anyway. His thoughts were too distracting, now.
Reid could admit to himself that he’d enjoyed the time spent with Noah. It wasn’t often he came across someone who matched his snark barb for barb. He couldn’t remember the last time, if there even was one.
Reid used to love saying increasingly outrageous things to Luke, to see how far he could get before Luke would give up with an adorably aggravated huff and accompanying eye roll. Such moments were his little victories. Knowing he’d gotten under Luke’s skin was his reward.
Conversation with Noah couldn’t be more different. Noah stubbornly refused to be shocked by anything Reid said. It was incredibly frustrating at first, until Reid realized that saying ever-more outlandish things would spur Noah to step it up and match him. This had resulted in some of the most wickedly funny conversations Reid had ever been a part of - the kind where anyone outside of the conversation would be horrified by the things said within it.
Noah didn’t give a damn what Reid thought of him, and he couldn't care less what kind of person Reid was. At least he hadn’t, until yesterday. Whatever Chris Hughes had told him, Noah suddenly needed Reid to explain himself.
He could concede that he’d reacted badly, but Noah had overstepped by a mile. His past was none of Noah’s business. And being expected to refute or confirm any allegations by Chris was unbelievable.
Noah might as well have asked him, “Are you the shitty human Chris claims?” Such an interrogation was completely out-of-bounds in the context of their… relationship? God, no. Friendship? Again - no.
Association, Reid decided. Asking such questions crossed some sort of invisible line that he’d thought they both implicitly recognized and respected. The appeal of their time together was that it wasn’t personal.
The whole reason it had worked so far was that neither expected or asked anything of the other. Whatever Chris accused Reid of was irrelevant, since neither Reid nor Noah was supposed to care about what kind of person the other was. Giving a damn created expectation, and one thing Reid had no stomach for at the moment was others’ expectations.
It was why he’d mostly kept his distance from Katie, Jacob, and even Bob. They all expected things of him. They expected him to be good, whatever that was. They expected him to be civil with people and patient with hapless nurses and just an all-around decent guy.
No matter how he’d try to tell them otherwise, they believed he was better than he was. On the flip side, Reid knew Luke’s family and friends didn’t think he was good enough - at least not for Luke. Only Noah had just let him be who he was, and didn’t bother to care whether or not it was any good.
Until Chris Hughes got involved and fucked everything up.
Chapter 11