xxxHOLiC AU requests - third batch
Pending any unexpected further bursts of inspiration, the final batch is done.
7. Superheros
Requested by stormantia (again) ( Original Thread):
This has got to be the shortest request in the whole batch - but sometimes, additional detail really isn’t necessary.
Saving the life of Doumeki Shizuka was rapidly turning into the biggest mistake Watanuki had ever made.
“No I’m not. Don’t be ridiculous,” he protested helplessly. “I don’t look anything like him!”
“Yes you do,” said Doumeki. “The only difference is that you’re wearing glasses. And no spandex. No cape either. I liked the cape,” he added.
This was completely unfair. No-one ever recognised him out of costume! And maybe that was just because it wouldn’t occur to them that quiet, mild-mannered Watanuki could ever be a superhero, or maybe it was just because when you were a sidekick to Yuuko no-one much noticed you at all, but it had always worked perfectly well before. The nerve of his guy - recognising him in public, of all things - it was beyond all reasonable belief.
“It wasn’t my cape!” Watanuki wailed.
“The spandex didn’t really suit you though,” said Doumeki thoughtfully.
“It wasn’t my idea!”
Doumeki raised an eyebrow.
“And it wasn’t my spandex!” Watanuki amended quickly. “On account of how whoever you saw wasn’t me!”
Doumeki’s other eyebrow joined the first one. Watanuki swallowed nervously. Damn Yuuko and her damn spandex. He’d never liked wearing it anyway. “I don’t know what’s going through that crazy head of yours, but…”
Doumeki reached out suddenly and had pulled Watanuki’s glasses away from his face before their owner had any time to realise what he was doing. He peered speculatively into Watanuki’s face with such an intense expression that eventually Watanuki gave in just to make him stop doing it. A horrible possibility struck him. “Oh my god!” he shrieked, “You’re a supervillain, aren’t you? That’s the only possible way you could have been able to see through my disguise!”
“Am not,” said Doumeki.
“You must be!” Watanuki wailed. “It explains everything!”
“Like why you had to save my life yesterday?” said Doumeki.
“Obviously that was all part of your evil play to get close enough that you could find out my secret identity!”
“So I could confront you about it at school today?”
“Yes! That’s exactly the sort of thing a supervillain would do!”
“Why?” said Doumeki.
“So you could scare me by making me think my whole secret was in danger! It all makes sense now! Wait, where are you going?”
“Anywhere there’s no-one accusing me of supervillainry would do,” said Doumeki, without turning around.
Watanuki watched him go, unsure precisely how this behaviour fit into his supervillain theory but certain he’d figure it out. It wasn’t until Doumeki had made it around the next corner that his internal reality-check kicked in long enough to make him yell, ‘Wait!’ and run after.
Doumeki did wait, which was more than Watanuki would have given him credit for. “Still not a supervillain,” he said, once his pursuer had caught up. Watanuki ignored him.
“You can’t tell anyone else about me,” he hissed desperately. “It’s really important.”
“Can’t I?” said Doumeki. He was obviously going to make this difficult.
“Please!” said Watanuki helplessly. “I’m begging you not to.” Doumeki looked amused by this, which had to be a bad sign. “Oh god,” Watanuki muttered in shock. “You’re going to blackmail me, aren’t you?”
“Why not?” said Doumeki thoughtfully. “What are you offering?”
Watanuki wracked his brains for any clue as to what a villain like Doumeki might expect from him, but he didn’t have the faintest idea. “What do you want me to offer?”
“I don’t know,” said Doumeki thoughtfully. “You could buy me lunch.”
Watanuki deflated slightly. He was painfully aware Doumeki was mocking him, but equally aware he was getting off lightly and shouldn’t complain. “Oh, fine,” he grumbled. “But - I honestly don’t have any money on me today.”
“You could give me your lunch,” suggested Doumeki.
Sacrifices, Watanuki thought to himself, as he fished out his lunchbox. Being a superhero was all about making sacrifices. No wonder he hated it so much. You’d think protecting the city from alien invaders was enough, but no, he had to deal with Doumeki as well.
“Here!” he snapped, thrusting the lunchbox at his new, least-favourite supervillain. “But that’s the end of it, understand? And don’t go thinking I’m ever saving your life again!”
(Prize to anyone who can tell me what Watanuki’s superhero name is, and what his superpower actually *are*. Keep in mind that it does seem likely that Yuuko may not actually possess any superpowers of her own (or at least none Watanuki knows for sure about) and that her role may very well be to do little more than pose dramatically on the tops of buildings while Watanuki does all the hard work. And of course to keep him supplied with spandex.)
8. Post-Apocalyptic
Requested by lunargeography ( Original thread):
A little secret - I didn’t expect I’d get to this one. It was one of the later ones to be posted and by the time I saw it I’d already picked seven ideas, and that sounded like more than enough. Then late one night this one snuck up and leapt on me. Then it picked up an extra scene, a bunch of extra characters, many of whom are developing whole detailed extra backstories of their own. In fact, this may now be the most likely to be continued out of all the worlds I’ve written for.
It’s also almost definitely the darkest.
“Well what were you expecting?” said the boy.
“Dunno,” said Doumeki, slinging his gun over his shoulder. “Just…” Not you. He would have been an odd enough sight even without his surroundings and the poor lighting to go with them. Glasses in any sort of intact state were rare enough - worth a fortune to the right people. He was scrawny too - but so was everyone these days. “But it is you, right? You’re the one they call the April Fool?”
The boy made a choking noise. “It’s not any of them, if that’s what you mean,” he said, indicating the rest of the room with a shuddering movement of his shoulders. “That’s what you’re doing here, isn’t it?”
“Followed the gunfire,” said Doumeki. That and the screaming. Mostly the screaming, really.
“You’ll be the first one in two years who hasn’t had to steal me from another gang then,” said the boy, though Doumeki couldn’t tell quite how he felt about this. Behind the lenses, his eyes were strange and unfocused. Look into his eyes long enough and you could almost believe he really could see things no-one else could. He didn’t look like he’d been crying, though he did give the impression it might have been a relief to him if he could have been.
Doumeki could only make out a little of what was left in the shadows around the rest of the room, and while not generally squeamish he was glad for it. Even in the poor light the smell was starting to get to him. “Let’s go outside.”
The boy nodded without really looking at him. He was well enough to stand, though he was shaking badly - but when Doumeki stepped forward to offer his support the boy only glared at him until he stepped back again.
Outside, the air was fresher, early morning light not yet bright enough for the true desolation of the landscape to be evident, but if anything the boy only seemed to hunch further in on himself. “Well?” he said after a bit, probably more because he was sick of being stared at than because he really wanted to talk. “What do you want to know?”
“The stories,” said Doumeki, “are they true?”
“Which ones?” said the boy irritably. “The ones where I’m a human food finding radar? The ones where I can lead people to supply caches only dead men should know about?” He made the choking sound again, closer to a laugh this time. “Most of them.” His eyes flickered Doumeki’s way suspiciously. “Aren’t you going to ask me how I do it?”
“How do you do it?” said Doumeki obediently.
“The ghosts tell me where they are,” said the boy, voice taking on a shrill quality. “They’re everywhere! Thick as flies in some places. Sometimes I can’t even hear anything else for them all talking at once.” He stopped and gave Doumeki another look - trying to gauge whether it had been decided he was crazy yet. Doumeki kept his expression carefully neutral.
“Sometimes they want to help. That’s when they lead me places. Tell me where stuff is,” the boy went on, his voice getting faster the longer he spoke. “But not always. And I know this part isn’t in any of the stories you’ve heard, but it really matters that you understand it, because that last lot never did - and look where they wound up! - sometimes the ghosts don’t help. Even dead people make mistakes. They remember wrong, or they lead me somewhere where there used to be food but it’s all gone rotten or been taken already. And sometimes - sometimes they even do it on purpose.” On the last word his voice dropped to a hiss. “Some of them think it’s funny. They lead me for days on end through the worst country to get to places where they know there’s nothing to find at all! That’s how it is, and I swear to any god anyone still believes in I can’t ever tell which one it’s going to be.”
“People get angry at you for that,” Doumeki guessed. The boy let out a weak laugh.
“If I’m lucky they only get angry at me. But the ghosts… the strongest ones - sometimes they can even move things. You understand what I’m saying, right? Enough to attack someone! And sometimes, they get really, really protective of me.
“I don’t mind being hit,” said the April Fool, the hysterical note in his voice getting much stronger. “I mean, I don’t like it, I’m not that crazy yet, but I can deal with it. It’s hardly any worse than what everyone else goes through around here. But, so help me,” he pointed an arm back into the building without looking around, “I do not want to have to see anything like that ever again!.”
Doumeki hadn’t believed for a moment when he’d arrived on the scene of all the screaming and gunfire that this boy could have been the one who killed everyone else in that room. The fact that disbelief showed so clearly on his face may have been a big part of the reason the boy was no more panicky than he was. But any reasonable person could have told you he sounded crazy - maybe crazy enough to have turned a few lucky finds of badly-needed supplies into a miracle in the eyes of his handlers - and Doumeki knew far too well that crazy people could pull off crazy and terrible things when pushed. Even slightly-built boys like this one.
But then… in a world populated by a few surviving gangs of angry, desperate humans, and six billion angry, desperate ghosts, who was he to say what was crazy, what was a hope they couldn’t afford to waste?
“Come on,” he told the boy. “If we get going now, we can make it back to the camp before it gets very light.”
The boy followed him without complaint.
(Several months later)
When Doumeki got back an aura of gloom had descended over the camp. Syaoran was the one who pulled him aside to explain why. Watanuki had lead them on two supply missions while Doumeki had been away - both of them busts. In the months since Watanuki had first joined their camp he’d lead them on eleven missions for which Doumeki had been present, and only one had ever failed to reward them with something they could use. This new trend had everyone uncomfortable. It could have been no more than co-incidence, but talents like Watanuki’s made everyone that little bit superstitious. Whether this meant Watanuki’s lucky streak was over, or whether this was all just some immature form of protest over Doumeki’s extended absence, or whatever other reason, it wasn’t looking good.
At least no-one here would ever have hit him for it, which was more relieving to both him and Watanuki than even the room full of bodies where the boy had been found could entirely explain.
Watanuki looked relieved to see him back, but only for a moment.
“It’s easier when you’re around,” he said angrily. Angry at having to justify himself all the time, angry at having to explain all this to someone he knew only halfway believed him, probably angrier still at having to give Doumeki credit for something he was blatantly unaware he was doing at all. “All the angriest ghosts - the big ugly ones and the ones that only want to make trouble - they won’t go near you. Don’t ask me why, I’ve never seen that happen around anyone before,” he added, with a certain amount of grudging awe. “And as soon as you left they came back again.”
Doumeki didn’t know what to begin to make of this and didn’t try. “The others think you were sulking about me being away.” Well, Kurogane and Syoaran did, or suspected it at least. Sakura didn’t think things like that about anyone, and he never knew what Fye was thinking about anything.
“You still don’t believe me, do you?” said Watanuki, hotly.
“I don’t know what to believe,” said Doumeki. All he knew for sure was that Watanuki was far too good at finding them what they needed for it to matter how he did it.
Watanuki glared at him, then gave up. “I had a dream while you were away,” he said, looking back towards the camp. “About this guy who looked just like you.”
“I’m not dead,” said Doumeki firmly.
“Of course not,” Watanuki snorted, “He couldn’t have been you. He smiled far too much. All the time.” Behind him, Doumeki went very still. Watanuki went on oblivious. “He said his name was Haruka.”
“Stop there,” said Doumeki.
Watanuki gave him one of his flickering glances. “He was your grandfather, wasn’t he?”
Doumeki had Watanuki by the collar of his shirt before he knew what he was doing. “I told you to shut. Up,” he said, voice low and dangerous.
Watanuki’s eyes widened with shock, then settled quickly back into their usual angry defiance. It didn’t matter now what Doumeki might or might not admit, Watanuki knew he’d scored a point. Fortunately, he was still wise enough to stay silent on the subject after that.
Doumeki spent the rest of the day trying to remember whether he’d ever mentioned Doumeki Haruka to anyone in the camp - anyone Watanuki might have spoken to. It wouldn’t be like him to have said anything, would have been even less like him to forget it if he had, but it wasn’t impossible and it was still easier to believe than the alternative.
Extra: Piffle World bonus scenes
Anyone remember me finishing the Piffle World AU with a note that I would leave where things went from there to your imagination? Well, I lied - there’s a little more left to go yet. Actually, there’s more left to go than even I was expecting, because factorielle went and gave me a couple of lines of Tomoyo dialogue in a comment thread back on an earlier entry, which spawned into another scene. These are now being posted in the order I wrote them rather than the order they occur chronologically, because they still work better in my head that way. ^^;
So, suffice to say this first scene happens a good long while after the end of the last one -possibly even as much as year - and Doumeki has made a certain amount of progress with that extra job he was given.
“We could be having sex right now,” Doumeki pointed out. It was eight o’clock on a Friday evening, and they had both been at work since eight AM. He was pretty sure this was exactly the sort of situation he’d been hired to prevent in the first place, though he couldn’t convince even himself that the suggestion he’d just made had anything to do with keeping his job.
“Just imagine,” said Watanuki, without looking up.
Doumeki tried out a different tack. “What if I said that if we don’t make it home within an hour today, there won’t be any sex this weekend?”
“You’d be lying, and we’d both know it,” said Watanuki. Doumeki had to admit he was right. Time for the emergency backup plan. Doumeki got to his feet.
“And where do you think you’re going?” said Watanuki, looking up at last.
“Home,” said Doumeki. “To bed.”
“Fine,” said Watanuki. “Go ahead. But I’m not coming with you and you can’t make me.”
“To bed,” Doumeki repeated, “where you will be entirely welcome to join me at an time, where in fact you will be entirely able to join me within fifteen minutes of leaving this office at any time tonight.”
Watanuki glared at him. “Don’t you even think about trying the look again. What was the rule we made about that look?”
“Something about the Geneva convention?” Doumeki suggested vaguely.
“The rule was: you do not ever get to give me that look again!” Watanuki hissed. “Fine! Go home for all I care. I’m sure I can finish all this work all by myself sometime before midnight, but don’t you think for a moment I plan to set a foot outside this office before then.”
Doumeki shrugged and walked out. He’d gotten just as far as the car park when his cell phone rang.
“We’re going to my place, not yours,” said Watanuki as soon as Doumeki answered it. “It’s closer, and there’s real food there.”
“Gotcha,” said Doumeki, and hung up.
(Some unspecified number of months earlier)
To Watanuki’s unmitigated horror, not only did Tomoyo not fire Doumeki on the spot, she didn’t even seem to believe anything untoward had taken place.
"Harassment? Why, I haven't noticed anything of the sort at all," Tomoyo said, deftly hitting the off button on her video camera. “You must know our company policy states that you need to be able to back up claims like this with the testimony of a third party.”
“But he only does it when he knows no-one else is watching!” Watanuki argued helplessly, feeling revenge slipping through his fingers. “He does it most when there’s no-one else here at all!”
“When there’s no-one else here at all?” said Tomoyo, sounding puzzled. “Oh my, you aren’t working here after hours again, are you Watanuki? You know what trouble we’ll be in with the occupational health and safety people - they fret so terribly over these things! And I’ve just been slipped word they may be planning a surprise inspection any day.”
When Watanuki got back later, the first thing he said was, “I’m working from home tonight.” He began clearing off his desk in a businesslike manner.
After a few moments of silence, Doumeki began doing likewise. A minute or two later, Watanuki looked up and glared at him accusingly.
“You are not coming with me! It’s my house!”
“I’m not working here if you’re not,” said Doumeki, shoving files into folders in his usual haphazard manner.
“Then go home! Your home, the one you’re always complaining you don’t see enough anymore!”
Doumeki looked at him sceptically. “Are you sure you trust me to get this stuff done without supervision?” he asked, shoving the last few files into other files without looking at them. Watanuki’s eyebrow twitched - impulses to keep an eye on Doumeki and conflicting desires not see him at all were visibly waring in his head.
“You,” he hissed, “have ulterior motives, and don’t think I don’t know it!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Doumeki evenly.
Watanuki threw his arms in the air, but he didn’t stop Doumeki following him home that evening.
(And since I’ve gotten this far, but I really don’t know whether this will ever go any further, have one last little line from further on in the chronology - probably not set the next morning, but probably not all that far in the future either ^_~)
When Watanuki woke up the following morning, he was not half so horrified by the discovery that he’d slept with Doumeki as he was to learn that he was going to be late for work.
Poll time!
So here we end officially, but I'm attached enough to a number of these worlds that there's still an outside chance one or more will be continued at some point - so about time for a good list of ticky boxes it is! Can't say I haven't already gotten *some* kind of idea which of these went down best based on all the lovely feedback I've been getting, still - indulge me, I'm curious. (For the record, yes, these sort of things are known to influence me, though I give no guarantees.)
Poll xxxHOLiC crossovers
And thank you all for requesting, reading and just generally being an awesome fandom to write for!
ETA: Quick links to the other two batches
Round 1: Pirates, vampires and Piffle Country office politics
Round 2: Movies, medieval times and hired gunmen (and more pirates)
7. Superheros
Requested by stormantia (again) ( Original Thread):
- ...S...Superheroes...?
This has got to be the shortest request in the whole batch - but sometimes, additional detail really isn’t necessary.
Saving the life of Doumeki Shizuka was rapidly turning into the biggest mistake Watanuki had ever made.
“No I’m not. Don’t be ridiculous,” he protested helplessly. “I don’t look anything like him!”
“Yes you do,” said Doumeki. “The only difference is that you’re wearing glasses. And no spandex. No cape either. I liked the cape,” he added.
This was completely unfair. No-one ever recognised him out of costume! And maybe that was just because it wouldn’t occur to them that quiet, mild-mannered Watanuki could ever be a superhero, or maybe it was just because when you were a sidekick to Yuuko no-one much noticed you at all, but it had always worked perfectly well before. The nerve of his guy - recognising him in public, of all things - it was beyond all reasonable belief.
“It wasn’t my cape!” Watanuki wailed.
“The spandex didn’t really suit you though,” said Doumeki thoughtfully.
“It wasn’t my idea!”
Doumeki raised an eyebrow.
“And it wasn’t my spandex!” Watanuki amended quickly. “On account of how whoever you saw wasn’t me!”
Doumeki’s other eyebrow joined the first one. Watanuki swallowed nervously. Damn Yuuko and her damn spandex. He’d never liked wearing it anyway. “I don’t know what’s going through that crazy head of yours, but…”
Doumeki reached out suddenly and had pulled Watanuki’s glasses away from his face before their owner had any time to realise what he was doing. He peered speculatively into Watanuki’s face with such an intense expression that eventually Watanuki gave in just to make him stop doing it. A horrible possibility struck him. “Oh my god!” he shrieked, “You’re a supervillain, aren’t you? That’s the only possible way you could have been able to see through my disguise!”
“Am not,” said Doumeki.
“You must be!” Watanuki wailed. “It explains everything!”
“Like why you had to save my life yesterday?” said Doumeki.
“Obviously that was all part of your evil play to get close enough that you could find out my secret identity!”
“So I could confront you about it at school today?”
“Yes! That’s exactly the sort of thing a supervillain would do!”
“Why?” said Doumeki.
“So you could scare me by making me think my whole secret was in danger! It all makes sense now! Wait, where are you going?”
“Anywhere there’s no-one accusing me of supervillainry would do,” said Doumeki, without turning around.
Watanuki watched him go, unsure precisely how this behaviour fit into his supervillain theory but certain he’d figure it out. It wasn’t until Doumeki had made it around the next corner that his internal reality-check kicked in long enough to make him yell, ‘Wait!’ and run after.
Doumeki did wait, which was more than Watanuki would have given him credit for. “Still not a supervillain,” he said, once his pursuer had caught up. Watanuki ignored him.
“You can’t tell anyone else about me,” he hissed desperately. “It’s really important.”
“Can’t I?” said Doumeki. He was obviously going to make this difficult.
“Please!” said Watanuki helplessly. “I’m begging you not to.” Doumeki looked amused by this, which had to be a bad sign. “Oh god,” Watanuki muttered in shock. “You’re going to blackmail me, aren’t you?”
“Why not?” said Doumeki thoughtfully. “What are you offering?”
Watanuki wracked his brains for any clue as to what a villain like Doumeki might expect from him, but he didn’t have the faintest idea. “What do you want me to offer?”
“I don’t know,” said Doumeki thoughtfully. “You could buy me lunch.”
Watanuki deflated slightly. He was painfully aware Doumeki was mocking him, but equally aware he was getting off lightly and shouldn’t complain. “Oh, fine,” he grumbled. “But - I honestly don’t have any money on me today.”
“You could give me your lunch,” suggested Doumeki.
Sacrifices, Watanuki thought to himself, as he fished out his lunchbox. Being a superhero was all about making sacrifices. No wonder he hated it so much. You’d think protecting the city from alien invaders was enough, but no, he had to deal with Doumeki as well.
“Here!” he snapped, thrusting the lunchbox at his new, least-favourite supervillain. “But that’s the end of it, understand? And don’t go thinking I’m ever saving your life again!”
(Prize to anyone who can tell me what Watanuki’s superhero name is, and what his superpower actually *are*. Keep in mind that it does seem likely that Yuuko may not actually possess any superpowers of her own (or at least none Watanuki knows for sure about) and that her role may very well be to do little more than pose dramatically on the tops of buildings while Watanuki does all the hard work. And of course to keep him supplied with spandex.)
8. Post-Apocalyptic
Requested by lunargeography ( Original thread):
- Post-apocalyptic world, with brutal feudal feuding between gangs among the crumbling, mostly-empty cities. Watanuki sees and talks to ghosts -- which enables him to find all sorts of neat caches of food and guns and tech toys, and also sometimes to get instructions for how to use the tech toys -- but most spirits aren't happy and they exact a high price from him for thier information.
This makes Watanuki a prize to be fought over by gang leaders. Either Doumeki as a gang leader, or possibly as someone trying to overthrow the system. Or maybe a prisoner Watanuki frees?
A little secret - I didn’t expect I’d get to this one. It was one of the later ones to be posted and by the time I saw it I’d already picked seven ideas, and that sounded like more than enough. Then late one night this one snuck up and leapt on me. Then it picked up an extra scene, a bunch of extra characters, many of whom are developing whole detailed extra backstories of their own. In fact, this may now be the most likely to be continued out of all the worlds I’ve written for.
It’s also almost definitely the darkest.
“Well what were you expecting?” said the boy.
“Dunno,” said Doumeki, slinging his gun over his shoulder. “Just…” Not you. He would have been an odd enough sight even without his surroundings and the poor lighting to go with them. Glasses in any sort of intact state were rare enough - worth a fortune to the right people. He was scrawny too - but so was everyone these days. “But it is you, right? You’re the one they call the April Fool?”
The boy made a choking noise. “It’s not any of them, if that’s what you mean,” he said, indicating the rest of the room with a shuddering movement of his shoulders. “That’s what you’re doing here, isn’t it?”
“Followed the gunfire,” said Doumeki. That and the screaming. Mostly the screaming, really.
“You’ll be the first one in two years who hasn’t had to steal me from another gang then,” said the boy, though Doumeki couldn’t tell quite how he felt about this. Behind the lenses, his eyes were strange and unfocused. Look into his eyes long enough and you could almost believe he really could see things no-one else could. He didn’t look like he’d been crying, though he did give the impression it might have been a relief to him if he could have been.
Doumeki could only make out a little of what was left in the shadows around the rest of the room, and while not generally squeamish he was glad for it. Even in the poor light the smell was starting to get to him. “Let’s go outside.”
The boy nodded without really looking at him. He was well enough to stand, though he was shaking badly - but when Doumeki stepped forward to offer his support the boy only glared at him until he stepped back again.
Outside, the air was fresher, early morning light not yet bright enough for the true desolation of the landscape to be evident, but if anything the boy only seemed to hunch further in on himself. “Well?” he said after a bit, probably more because he was sick of being stared at than because he really wanted to talk. “What do you want to know?”
“The stories,” said Doumeki, “are they true?”
“Which ones?” said the boy irritably. “The ones where I’m a human food finding radar? The ones where I can lead people to supply caches only dead men should know about?” He made the choking sound again, closer to a laugh this time. “Most of them.” His eyes flickered Doumeki’s way suspiciously. “Aren’t you going to ask me how I do it?”
“How do you do it?” said Doumeki obediently.
“The ghosts tell me where they are,” said the boy, voice taking on a shrill quality. “They’re everywhere! Thick as flies in some places. Sometimes I can’t even hear anything else for them all talking at once.” He stopped and gave Doumeki another look - trying to gauge whether it had been decided he was crazy yet. Doumeki kept his expression carefully neutral.
“Sometimes they want to help. That’s when they lead me places. Tell me where stuff is,” the boy went on, his voice getting faster the longer he spoke. “But not always. And I know this part isn’t in any of the stories you’ve heard, but it really matters that you understand it, because that last lot never did - and look where they wound up! - sometimes the ghosts don’t help. Even dead people make mistakes. They remember wrong, or they lead me somewhere where there used to be food but it’s all gone rotten or been taken already. And sometimes - sometimes they even do it on purpose.” On the last word his voice dropped to a hiss. “Some of them think it’s funny. They lead me for days on end through the worst country to get to places where they know there’s nothing to find at all! That’s how it is, and I swear to any god anyone still believes in I can’t ever tell which one it’s going to be.”
“People get angry at you for that,” Doumeki guessed. The boy let out a weak laugh.
“If I’m lucky they only get angry at me. But the ghosts… the strongest ones - sometimes they can even move things. You understand what I’m saying, right? Enough to attack someone! And sometimes, they get really, really protective of me.
“I don’t mind being hit,” said the April Fool, the hysterical note in his voice getting much stronger. “I mean, I don’t like it, I’m not that crazy yet, but I can deal with it. It’s hardly any worse than what everyone else goes through around here. But, so help me,” he pointed an arm back into the building without looking around, “I do not want to have to see anything like that ever again!.”
Doumeki hadn’t believed for a moment when he’d arrived on the scene of all the screaming and gunfire that this boy could have been the one who killed everyone else in that room. The fact that disbelief showed so clearly on his face may have been a big part of the reason the boy was no more panicky than he was. But any reasonable person could have told you he sounded crazy - maybe crazy enough to have turned a few lucky finds of badly-needed supplies into a miracle in the eyes of his handlers - and Doumeki knew far too well that crazy people could pull off crazy and terrible things when pushed. Even slightly-built boys like this one.
But then… in a world populated by a few surviving gangs of angry, desperate humans, and six billion angry, desperate ghosts, who was he to say what was crazy, what was a hope they couldn’t afford to waste?
“Come on,” he told the boy. “If we get going now, we can make it back to the camp before it gets very light.”
The boy followed him without complaint.
(Several months later)
When Doumeki got back an aura of gloom had descended over the camp. Syaoran was the one who pulled him aside to explain why. Watanuki had lead them on two supply missions while Doumeki had been away - both of them busts. In the months since Watanuki had first joined their camp he’d lead them on eleven missions for which Doumeki had been present, and only one had ever failed to reward them with something they could use. This new trend had everyone uncomfortable. It could have been no more than co-incidence, but talents like Watanuki’s made everyone that little bit superstitious. Whether this meant Watanuki’s lucky streak was over, or whether this was all just some immature form of protest over Doumeki’s extended absence, or whatever other reason, it wasn’t looking good.
At least no-one here would ever have hit him for it, which was more relieving to both him and Watanuki than even the room full of bodies where the boy had been found could entirely explain.
Watanuki looked relieved to see him back, but only for a moment.
“It’s easier when you’re around,” he said angrily. Angry at having to justify himself all the time, angry at having to explain all this to someone he knew only halfway believed him, probably angrier still at having to give Doumeki credit for something he was blatantly unaware he was doing at all. “All the angriest ghosts - the big ugly ones and the ones that only want to make trouble - they won’t go near you. Don’t ask me why, I’ve never seen that happen around anyone before,” he added, with a certain amount of grudging awe. “And as soon as you left they came back again.”
Doumeki didn’t know what to begin to make of this and didn’t try. “The others think you were sulking about me being away.” Well, Kurogane and Syoaran did, or suspected it at least. Sakura didn’t think things like that about anyone, and he never knew what Fye was thinking about anything.
“You still don’t believe me, do you?” said Watanuki, hotly.
“I don’t know what to believe,” said Doumeki. All he knew for sure was that Watanuki was far too good at finding them what they needed for it to matter how he did it.
Watanuki glared at him, then gave up. “I had a dream while you were away,” he said, looking back towards the camp. “About this guy who looked just like you.”
“I’m not dead,” said Doumeki firmly.
“Of course not,” Watanuki snorted, “He couldn’t have been you. He smiled far too much. All the time.” Behind him, Doumeki went very still. Watanuki went on oblivious. “He said his name was Haruka.”
“Stop there,” said Doumeki.
Watanuki gave him one of his flickering glances. “He was your grandfather, wasn’t he?”
Doumeki had Watanuki by the collar of his shirt before he knew what he was doing. “I told you to shut. Up,” he said, voice low and dangerous.
Watanuki’s eyes widened with shock, then settled quickly back into their usual angry defiance. It didn’t matter now what Doumeki might or might not admit, Watanuki knew he’d scored a point. Fortunately, he was still wise enough to stay silent on the subject after that.
Doumeki spent the rest of the day trying to remember whether he’d ever mentioned Doumeki Haruka to anyone in the camp - anyone Watanuki might have spoken to. It wouldn’t be like him to have said anything, would have been even less like him to forget it if he had, but it wasn’t impossible and it was still easier to believe than the alternative.
Extra: Piffle World bonus scenes
Anyone remember me finishing the Piffle World AU with a note that I would leave where things went from there to your imagination? Well, I lied - there’s a little more left to go yet. Actually, there’s more left to go than even I was expecting, because factorielle went and gave me a couple of lines of Tomoyo dialogue in a comment thread back on an earlier entry, which spawned into another scene. These are now being posted in the order I wrote them rather than the order they occur chronologically, because they still work better in my head that way. ^^;
So, suffice to say this first scene happens a good long while after the end of the last one -possibly even as much as year - and Doumeki has made a certain amount of progress with that extra job he was given.
“We could be having sex right now,” Doumeki pointed out. It was eight o’clock on a Friday evening, and they had both been at work since eight AM. He was pretty sure this was exactly the sort of situation he’d been hired to prevent in the first place, though he couldn’t convince even himself that the suggestion he’d just made had anything to do with keeping his job.
“Just imagine,” said Watanuki, without looking up.
Doumeki tried out a different tack. “What if I said that if we don’t make it home within an hour today, there won’t be any sex this weekend?”
“You’d be lying, and we’d both know it,” said Watanuki. Doumeki had to admit he was right. Time for the emergency backup plan. Doumeki got to his feet.
“And where do you think you’re going?” said Watanuki, looking up at last.
“Home,” said Doumeki. “To bed.”
“Fine,” said Watanuki. “Go ahead. But I’m not coming with you and you can’t make me.”
“To bed,” Doumeki repeated, “where you will be entirely welcome to join me at an time, where in fact you will be entirely able to join me within fifteen minutes of leaving this office at any time tonight.”
Watanuki glared at him. “Don’t you even think about trying the look again. What was the rule we made about that look?”
“Something about the Geneva convention?” Doumeki suggested vaguely.
“The rule was: you do not ever get to give me that look again!” Watanuki hissed. “Fine! Go home for all I care. I’m sure I can finish all this work all by myself sometime before midnight, but don’t you think for a moment I plan to set a foot outside this office before then.”
Doumeki shrugged and walked out. He’d gotten just as far as the car park when his cell phone rang.
“We’re going to my place, not yours,” said Watanuki as soon as Doumeki answered it. “It’s closer, and there’s real food there.”
“Gotcha,” said Doumeki, and hung up.
(Some unspecified number of months earlier)
To Watanuki’s unmitigated horror, not only did Tomoyo not fire Doumeki on the spot, she didn’t even seem to believe anything untoward had taken place.
"Harassment? Why, I haven't noticed anything of the sort at all," Tomoyo said, deftly hitting the off button on her video camera. “You must know our company policy states that you need to be able to back up claims like this with the testimony of a third party.”
“But he only does it when he knows no-one else is watching!” Watanuki argued helplessly, feeling revenge slipping through his fingers. “He does it most when there’s no-one else here at all!”
“When there’s no-one else here at all?” said Tomoyo, sounding puzzled. “Oh my, you aren’t working here after hours again, are you Watanuki? You know what trouble we’ll be in with the occupational health and safety people - they fret so terribly over these things! And I’ve just been slipped word they may be planning a surprise inspection any day.”
When Watanuki got back later, the first thing he said was, “I’m working from home tonight.” He began clearing off his desk in a businesslike manner.
After a few moments of silence, Doumeki began doing likewise. A minute or two later, Watanuki looked up and glared at him accusingly.
“You are not coming with me! It’s my house!”
“I’m not working here if you’re not,” said Doumeki, shoving files into folders in his usual haphazard manner.
“Then go home! Your home, the one you’re always complaining you don’t see enough anymore!”
Doumeki looked at him sceptically. “Are you sure you trust me to get this stuff done without supervision?” he asked, shoving the last few files into other files without looking at them. Watanuki’s eyebrow twitched - impulses to keep an eye on Doumeki and conflicting desires not see him at all were visibly waring in his head.
“You,” he hissed, “have ulterior motives, and don’t think I don’t know it!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Doumeki evenly.
Watanuki threw his arms in the air, but he didn’t stop Doumeki following him home that evening.
(And since I’ve gotten this far, but I really don’t know whether this will ever go any further, have one last little line from further on in the chronology - probably not set the next morning, but probably not all that far in the future either ^_~)
When Watanuki woke up the following morning, he was not half so horrified by the discovery that he’d slept with Doumeki as he was to learn that he was going to be late for work.
Poll time!
So here we end officially, but I'm attached enough to a number of these worlds that there's still an outside chance one or more will be continued at some point - so about time for a good list of ticky boxes it is! Can't say I haven't already gotten *some* kind of idea which of these went down best based on all the lovely feedback I've been getting, still - indulge me, I'm curious. (For the record, yes, these sort of things are known to influence me, though I give no guarantees.)
Poll xxxHOLiC crossovers
And thank you all for requesting, reading and just generally being an awesome fandom to write for!
ETA: Quick links to the other two batches
Round 1: Pirates, vampires and Piffle Country office politics
Round 2: Movies, medieval times and hired gunmen (and more pirates)